My husband and I have 4 kids. 2 are mine from previous relationship 2 are his from previous relationship. we don’t share any kids together. I have my 2 full time except for when their dad gets them on the weekends. sometimes he has 1 of his 4 days a week 2 of those days being the weekend, the other of his is grown. well its been months since we have had alone time with no kids. so I asked if we could have a weekend alone this weekend meaning no kids. mine will be at their dads so that just leaves his and I wanted him to let her spend the weekend with her mama for one weekend. so cutting 2 days from his regular schedule with her for just one weekend and so he is upset bc he says I get to see my kids if he sends his off he don’t get time with her. but when we have her I have her more anyways. am I wrong for asking for alone time for just one weekend bc I believe our relationship is just as much a priority as the kids are? bc we need to be a whole us and the kids and if we only spend our days doing for the kids and not each other ever then we will never last so what’s yalls opinion am I wrong or what should I do ??
Obviously he isn’t thrilled about spending alone time with you.
If I only saw my kids a few days a week, I wouldn’t be giving up time with them either. 
You’re not wrong. 
NOT WRONG!
Yes u r wrong he only gets to see his daughter certain days me and my husband have our kids all the time and we have made it for 12 years we focus on each other when everyone goes to bed
I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all. There’s nothing wrong with wanting some alone time. There’s a reason why it’s God first, your spouse, then your kids. You have to make yourselves a priority too.
I mean I understand where his coming from. That’s the only time he gets to see his kids especially because he doesn’t have full custody, not to mention the holidays are coming up. I do agree you two should get alone time but I’d try to schedule it when it’s the other parents turn to get the kids. That way it doesn’t interfere when you and him have the kids. I also see why he would be upset. You get to see your kids after the get away yet he doesn’t get to spend any time or see his kids after the getaway. I can’t blame him for being upset. His kids are his life and I’d imagine he would want to spend time with them since he shares custody and can’t see them always. At least it shows he truly cares about his kids.
It’s never wrong to want to spend alone time with your significant other, its wrong when your needs aren’t met and theirs are.
I doubt you’d feel this way if it was you that only got a couple days to see your kid(s) a week. Make your and his time after kids go to bed. Cuddle up, watch a movie, do the dirty, ect.
Could you pick a day when she would normally be at her mom’s? That could be a good compromise.
See if your children’s father can give you the extra time on his time instead of asking it of your husband and his ex. Remember, you’re literally asking him to not only give up over half his weekly time with his kid, but also asking him to ask his ex to give up her weekend.
Get a sitter for the evening
I don’t think you’re wrong for asking but you should respect his answer.
I thinks it’s wrong personally to ask him to give up his time when he doesn’t get as much as you do with yours. Have a babysitter for your kids on a night he doesn’t have his. 
Asking someone to give up their limited time with their child for you is rude.
What did he do, just marry you for someone to take care of his child?
If I only saw my kid on the weekend, I wouldn’t give that up either!
Yes you’re wrong if you’re so desperate for alone time with him then u need to get someone to watch your kids n his while you guys go do something for an evening but don’t be interrupting his time with his child by having him cutting his time with her short cause he will resent you later down the road.
If you shared children together you wouldn’t have a whole weekend free of kids to focus on yourselves either. On a weekend you both have your kids there, get a sitter one night for a date night. Regular non blended families face these obstacles all the time.
You are correct, the relationship needs time alone, nothing happens if the children go with their other parents for a weekend.
Switch to his weekend and see if he’s on board. Don’t be petty about visitation. Good luck. 
I don’t think you are necessarily wrong, but maybe instead of asking him to give up his whole weekend with his daughter y’all just ask a friend or grandparent or someone to watch her for the night while y’all go have a date night or something.
so, you get your kids (2 of them) 5 days a week, and weekends without them. he gets his (one kid) 2 weekdays, and weekends. sometimes (as you stated).
Why don’t you work out with your kids dad taking your two on a week day that he doesn’t have his one kid so yall can spend time together solo? you’re the one demanding it.
Either that, or request yours for a weekend and take the kids (all 3) out for a family outing.
you’re being selfish.
so what is the plan if you have a child together there is no Ex to expect to give up their time to accommodate you then . you’re not just asking him to give up time his your asking/expecting the Ex and the child to sacrifice for you also . !!
It’s nothing wrong with alone time, but it probably has to be approached differently. Like maybe if there were special plans made, then y’all could talk about a sitter. But I can see why he’s reluctant if it’s just to not have the kids around. If my husband and I need a date night, my mom doesn’t mind babysitting.
My husband and I honestly put the kids to bed early curl up on the couch and watch a movie together when we want some us time
Why don’t you try looking at it from HIS point of view. You have your kids FULL time, he only gets visitation. You said he SOMETIMES has his child 4 days a week. How often does this 4 days a week occur? Instead of taking 2 of his days away, see if your kids dad can get them on the days that his child isn’t there. Just put yourself in his shoes. What if your kids lived with their dad and you only got visitation? Or better yet, put yourself in his child’s shoes. Daddy has a new family that gets to be with him all the time and you only get to visit.
Would the mom be willing to switch days? That way dad would still get his time and you 2 could have some couple time.
So how about since you have your kids more then he does do something on a day he doesn’t have his and just find a sitter for yours…though you stated you have his child more anyways when she’s over so if it’s just more because you want a break from kids then go out by yourself or your friends and leave her with her dad since he wanted the time with her their shouldn’t be a issue right?
I went to marriage counseling with my fiance and preacher. This is what my preacher said, “the order is… god. Parents…and then Children.” Because children will grow and become their own person and the parents grow together. So yes. You need alone time. That should happen. It is OKAY to have alone time.
Maybe offer to have Sunday and Monday? That way he gives up a day and you give up a day too.
Give up work for a day instead of the kids. Hear me out… you both take a day off work while the kids are all in school. Boom hours together and no babysitter needed and no lost time with kids.
No you are definitely not wrong. You both deserve a weekend off! Parenting is hard and you need time to be yourselves!!! If y’all had kids together eventually you would want a night alone for the two of you. It’s definitely needed to have a healthy strong relationship
It sounds like you should perhaps try and let your children’s father have them an extra night that your husband’s daughter is not at your residency. 1. Because you have majority time over your children’s father, so it would be kind for you to give him extra time. 2. That will help you as well. I can understand why your husband does not want to give up any of his part time schedule with his daughter though.
You need to find someone with the same values as you
Listen up. When you have kids and/or are with people who have kids, going out and time alone is effing gone unless you get a babysitter. Seriously.
Schedule it through the week, have your kids spend a couple of weekdays with dad.
U are so selfish u have to think of ur step kids as ur own u are ignorant for pushing her a away the kids always come first in this house my step kids included I would never take time from them unless I got a babysitter
Why don’t you send off your kids to their dads instead? You have your kids full time why does he need to give up his only days to see his children?
What Maite Kittyy said above is true… why does he have to give up time with his kid? Give up time with your kids if it’s that important to you. If you don’t want to then you know how he feels. When you have kids you have to make-do with the time you have together. You knew this before getting into a relationship with him. If the time is forced on him and you’re both upset then is that time together going to be valuable anyway?
My boyfriend’s son is with us every weekend. Every single weekend. Having a kid free weekend occasionally would be nice but I will never ask him to forfeit his time with his child. (We have a 2 month old so this isn’t happening anytime soon!) Luckily he coparents well with the mother so they’re able to adjust times or whatever if need be but the weekend falls on his time. Sure we may like to go out or have alone time but that’s not happening unless we have someone watch his son while it’s our time, not expect the mom to keep him during our time.
And this is why Schedules are important. My husband and I have 4 kids, in 4 different schools on 4 different schedules. We have NO sitters. We ask for a sitter One weekend a year that is it. We have bed times. And after kids are in bed we have our time. Why ever give up time with kids? You never get that back. Make your time together around them. Not the other way around.
Perhaps have a babysitter for a couple hours vs him having to not see his kiddo the whole weekend. Do that on his wknd and your wknd, so it feels as though you are both giving up some parenting time.
The reality is…you both have children. He sounds like a great dad and wants to see and spend time with his kids. There are many woman who don’t have men who care.
Why are you making him give up his time with his daughter that he barley gets to see? If you really want it that bad, ask your ex to take your kids for extra time since you have them the majority.
When you have kids, you don’t really get a lot of alone time. Just the way it is.
You are definitely wrong! You have you’re kids more wth.
Make time on you’re end
Perhaps you can get a sitter during the week or weekend and go to a nice dinner…this way you’ll be spending alone time together but not giving up a whole weekend with his daughter…I would be upset too tbh…he only has weekends and obviously he cherishes his time with his daughter.
I think you need to reverse this situation, if you only saw your children on the weekend and were being asked to make a choice between them and your partner (because effectively that’s what you’re doing) how would you feel?
Yes it’s important to have time with your partner but in a world that involves children that doesn’t always happen a lot.
I have two girls (teenagers now) I’ve been with my partner for 4 years, he has no children from previous relationships. My children have never had a relationship with their father so we rarely had ‘alone’ time when they were younger and he accepted that.
Work with what you’ve got, get a babysitter or have routine bedtimes in place so you can enjoy a date night at home whilst little people are in bed.
I’m sorry but if my ex came to me and said he can’t take OUR kids because his girlfriend wants “alone” time when he only sees them on the weekends, I’d be upset. I’d feel like she was trying to push them away. Maybe if you ask him to talk with her and switch a day or so because I do understand needing alone time but if he doesn’t get to see his kids very much I’m sure he’d look forward to that time, I know I would.
Forget these people who live for nothing but their kids…they’ll be sad and lonely when their kids go off to college or start a family of their own. You and your S/O’s relationship is just as important as your relationship with your children. TAKE THE TIME TO BE ALONE AND ENJOY EACH OTHER!!
Suck it up and let him see his daughter. That’s what you do when you coparent it is what it is. Women know for a fact that some baby mums/dads can be super petty when the other parent asks for a weekend away. He’s probably worried about rocking the boat with the mother of his kids if he asks for that time. You need to consider everyone’s feelings and not just your own.
I see your point. But since you have your kids more often than he has his daughter, maybe you should be the one forfeiting your time with your kids to plan your weekend alone with him. I’m not sure why people have to be so rude about it, maybe it just didn’t cross your mind.
Your not wrong i have shared custody of my kids week on week off hubby has his all the time. While i try and nake our weekends away when they are at their dads it doesn’t always work. I still make time to get away with just my hubby. Its important the kids are ok with it
If she’s not willing to swap days then yes you are
You are absolutely NOT wrong. Adults need their alone time! Is there any way you guys can ask mom if you can take her for a couple of days during the week instead?
Y wasn’t this “booked” in from the start of your relationship, Y is it only now a issue? Could you ask your ex to have the kids one day mid week or extend the weekend visits to include Thursday/Monday so you two can have that extra time? Maybe your husband would be better with 50/50 week on week off
He’s being ridiculous tbh. There’s not much point trying to be a couple if you can’t ever BE a couple. Asking for one weekend isn’t absurd, it isn’t telling him he can’t spend time with his kid. That’s total drama and a big red flag imo.
Why not see if your kids can go to their dad’s on your weekend you have them? Why should he lose time regardless if you take care of her more he only gets every other weekend vs you having yours almost all the time.
Honestly most parents book up a babysitter and have a date night when the children are in bed. Yes parents need one to one time but you don’t give up your time with your children for that. I mean both of you can book a day off of work while the children are at school. I’m I’m the UK so I don’t know how long the school day is wherever you are but here thats 6 hours, that’s a lot of 1 to 1 time. Or maybe compromise and ask him to take her back early on the Sunday and pick yours up late and have 1 day together, I think expecting him to give up an entire weekend with his child is a bit selfish. 1 day together should be more than enough. I mean 1 evening out together should be enough, it’s still time together. Instead of moaning that you never get any maybe book up a sitter once a month and go out on a date night. Or if they are old enough to be home alone, go out in the evening for an hour or 2. He’s not losing time with his child, your getting time alone.
I think all parents should get alone time away from their kids when they have time off from work I have never given my ex crap when he called up and asked if I would keep our son on his weekend so he could have alone time with his girlfriend cuz I know I love getting rid of my kids when I can too lol. Which I don’t really get cuz I have 4 kids and who wants to take four kids altogether on a weekend lol. And when weekends are the only time you have off and can go do something I can see why you asked and for your man and his kid they can always have makeup time on extra long weekends and holidays. That’s what I do with my son’s father. I think what you asked of him is totally fair honestly.
Parents get alone time after the children go to bed. Or they get a sitter.
Personally I had a sitter once a year .
Maybe ask bio mum to swap days one week but if that won’t work …thats what having kids is like.
Soon enough they are off living their own life and you get yours back.
Time for you and your relationship with your partner is just as important as with your kids. You are not wrong, we all need time when we can switch off mammy and daddy mode and just be two people who want to enjoy each other.
You are being very selfish
Been honest no I don’t think your asking a lot. One weekend out of a year for your selves is needed in a relationship. All these going on about missed quality time. Surly these can be made up in school hols. On plus note if school aged, give child’s mum a chance to spent quality time with mama on a weekend. As long as all agree and times made up elsewhere I wouldn’t see a problem going away
Babysitter for a night or 2 out
If you had kids together, where would you send them for your alone time?