Am I in the wrong?

I’m asking as a mother whats the right way to say to your child and am I in the wrong as my partners parents said to me and him were in the wrong.
Our son earlier can I say he’s 8 was fiddling with him privates I told him to stop touching and that if he wanted to which boys at that ages and girls are curious about there private areas to go do it out of the way in his bedroom so none can see what he was doing.
My question to your is are we in the wrong in saying that what are other people’s opinions

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong?

I have always just said, if you need to do that, go do that privately, it’s not for everyone to see. I have 4 boys, they all mess with their parts but if it gets to be excessive, I say something. Just don’t make it awkward for them, or embarrass them.

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You handled it fine.

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Not at all. The important thing is to not shame him for being curious. It’s normal. Telling him to make sure he does it in private is the perfect thing to say simply because they know they aren’t doing anything wrong. Good job!!

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You did right in my opinion!!

It’s natural. My almost 8 yr old does the same…I tell him he has a bedroom go to it if he wants to do all that. I don’t get on to him for it, but tell him where he needs to go to do it. So you did right.

No you are correct.Nothing wrong if he has an itch and he needs to grab or scratch, but if more then that there’s a time and place…I tell my 7 yr old to leave it alone as he grabs when he gets anxious(adhd)I tell my 11 yr old to kee hos private parts to himself in private

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I told my kids if they wanted to do that, they should do it in their own bedroom

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Not at all.
Body exploration is 100% natural and usually healthy (so long as they are not using anything that is considered a foreign object).
I think explaining to your child that that is something to be done in the privacy of their own rooms is reasonable.
It’s what I told my own child. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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No you are not wrong. He needs to learn not to do it publicly now. I knew a man who always adjusted himself in public and it was very noticeable. However, he didn’t even realize what he had done.

No you’re doing just fine. He’s 8 and should be doing that in private…meaning be should either go to the bathroom or somewhere where he’s alone.

Great job mama, I’ve handled it this way as well. Just remember you’re parenting the child, not your in laws.

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You did just fine, hun.

In privacy and be hygienic…We don’t need to see…Always wash your hands afterwards and preferably before as well :woman_shrugging: It’s natural…

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‘I was wrong and I’m sorry’

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I’m curious what your partners parents expected you to say…

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Maybe he’s not getting it rinsed good.worked with kids there mother was always
Tell them take a bath.

You don’t want him thinking his body is gross or wrong. I think you did the right thing. Some older generation people just don’t get it, and that’s ok. This is your child not theirs.

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So they want him to touch himself in public?
WTF is wrong with them?

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You are absolutely not wrong, i hafe two boys my oldest is 8 and he did the same and I said to him straight up I don’t want to see him doing it if he is that curious then go do it in the room and that its rude to fiddle there in front of ladies

I have told my kids the same thing! At that age they need to know it should only be done in private and not where everyone can see. It’s totally normal, they’re boys they curious! Just don’t shame him or make a big deal about it, so later if he needs questions answered then he’ll come to you and not feel weird about it! If you see him doing it just tell him to go to his room or bathroom after he hears you say it enough times (kids need to be reminded constantly before they understand) he’ll stop doing it or he’ll get up and go in the other room.

My two boys have heard to do that in your room or bathroom as they were growing up. That its something best done with privacy. And to wash your hands before and after. They also knee if they had questions they could come to us and ask and we would answer them. It’s part of growing up. And perfectly normal for them to be curious about their bodies.

Ive told my son the same. Bedroom/bathroom/in private. Not in the living room/kitchen/etc. validate that its normal, no need to be shamed, but “something you do in private”

Im kind of confused as to how that isn’t the right way ?? I think you guys addressed it accurately. You’re free to explore yourself, but do so in private

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My boy has known since a toddler that yes it feels nice and interesting but you only do it in your room or toilet. Never in front of people or in public.

Don’t make a big deal about it just say if you need to do that do it in private .

Body exploration is completely normal. we always just say that you need to use privacy that your body is for you. There have been lots of other small, more detailed talks about this and whatever other questions they have but that’s the general concept.

Bodies aren’t gross and touching isn’t nasty. It’s normal! Kids shouldn’t be made to be ashamed

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No he needs to do that in a private area bc they are his privates. So bedroom/bathroom.

I’d ask them why they want to watch his touch himself.

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This was so hard to read… Anyway, yes it’s ok an developmentally normal for him to touch himself and want to explore his body. And yes you did good by explaining that there is this thing called privacy and that is one of the activities that are meant to be private. Important to remind him the right names for his privates and that those parts are just for him to touch.

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You did fine, also remind him to close the door and remind everyone else to knock first and wait for the door to be opened by him.

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I don’t see anything wrong with that at all. I would have said the same thing. I don’t understand what the problem would be?

I would encourage self control and just not to do it instead of encouraging that alone in the bedroom.
We have to teach our kids to not always do what feels right

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I said a similar thing to my much younger brother when he was about 8ish. Just told him “I know it feels good buddy, but you do that when your by yourself in your room” was never an issue again

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That’s what I told my boys.

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I’m not understanding what your partner’s parents are finding wrong with what you did. I’d be worried if they think he shouldn’t touch himself at all or that he should be allowed to touch himself in front of the family because both of those are disturbing.

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I know kids are curious, but I can’t get my head around him being 8 and telling him to go to his room to touch himself. Also why now are you explaining this stuff? Shouldn’t it been at a younger age as soon as he could form sentences? Like when giving bad touch and good touch talk?

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Ok. 8 seems a little young to me but I know the curiosity about their own bodies starts around that age. I definitely agree that he should explore himself in private. Thing is, if you catch him doing it then he’s old enough for the conversation. Maybe not about sex exactly but about puberty and changes he will go through.

He can play with himself in his room. Perfect Response!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your doing the kid a favor :grin:

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Foot note: tell him to wash his hands before & after!

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I raised two sons & I never once ever saw them playing with themselves. They said a few times they needed to adjust themselves or they had a itch but never ever just sit & play with themselves

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Not wrong at all. Good job on open communication with your child :clap::clap::clap::clap:

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Self discovery is normal. Suggesting children do it in private is appropriate bc you can’t touch your genitals in front of others nor pull them out. You also cannot shame them for discovering their own body bc adults are aware that its of sexual nature. Kids that are young don’t understand that it is of sexual nature, they just know that it feels good to them and don’t know the “why” of it. Its normal to tell them they can do it in private, its NOT normal to shame them for discovering their bodies and telling them they aren’t allowed to do it.

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Be sure to tell him that if anybody else tries to touch it he should tell you.

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I tell my daughter it’s great she wants to explore her body and it’s perfectly okay, but only in private by herself.

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I tell my son that same thing and his 4. I understand sometimes as well that boys need to readjust everything as well. I will do the same thing with my daughter that if her underwear or bra is uncomfortable then she needs to go into her room or bathroom to readjust and not do it in public.

I’d be asking him the obvious questions first, is he sore or itchy down there, has he been washing it properly, do his underpants feel like they are too tight, he might need bigger ones,
When you ask him questions about his private parts you have to be careful not to put words in his mouth, explain to him that his touching is all part of growing up and explain all about its his body and its off limits to everybody else,

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In the privacy of their room or bathroom is the best response.

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I tell my son to go to the toilet or his room if he feels the need to play with himself. There is no need for everyone to know what he is doing

You’re not wrong telling him to do it in private

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I’ve told this to my son since he was about 2 as well as explain that his private parts are not allowed to be shown to anyone

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It is natural at this point in age.
As my son has done this (I won’t go in their room no more to give them privacy). Dad explained that they may do that it’s curiosity and only in their room…

It’s normal I’d say.

I think you’re wording could have been better and you could have explained why he needed to do it where others couldn’t see not just go away do it there so nobody can see type thing but overall no I don’t think you did anything wrong

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It’s pretty normal.
I would ask why they’re touching themselves.
Is something wrong or are you doing it because it feels good?
Ok, well that’s not rude, but it is something to only do in private. You can do that only in your bedroom or the bathroom, otherwise it is not ok.

No, I tell my 4 year old if he wants to touch his penis he has to do it in his bedroom I wouldn’t want him to think he’s not allowed to touch it at all…

Not wrong at all! Most boys will do that. The proper way to handle it is to remind them to only do it in private places (bedroom, bathroom) and to always wash their hands.

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I have 5 girls and 1 son they all have explored themselves, I don’t really think they necessarily think oh this feels good I just think they are curious as to what is there it’s not a area they can see so I believe that’s why they tend to touch more so. We have talked about the correct names for our body parts and that this part of our body is private, we’ve talked about how only they should touch these parts of their body unless there is problem and mummy has to check or a doctor and that if they want to explore these parts of our bodies it’s to be done privately they have understood this from the word go really, I have always always said that if they ever have any questions about anything at all they can always always come to me and I will do my best to answer them honestly. We read lots together and we’ve just got a book all about the body we are looking through this together and talking about it.

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I dont think tbis is a convesation someone should have heard you having with your child other than your SO but other than that I think it was well handdled

I really hate wrong and right so I will say- your opinion seems right on. I raised 2 boys and about 20 other kids. I used this book and it’s fabulous. Also read the four agreements by Don Miguel. :wink:

I mean I tell my 2 year old if he keeps touching and pulling on his pecker it’s gonna fall off :joy::woman_shrugging:t2: soooo lol but no mama you’re not wrong for telling your son to do that in privacy!!

No, he needs to know what is approperate and what is not. Its okay to do it, just in private.

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Just make sure he understands that only he is allowed to touch his private areas .also ask him if anyone else has ever touched him .this is very normal for kids to be curious about themselves .
There are books that you can get him also!

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It’s normal, natural and definitely something done in private. We told our son the same.

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Bedroom was the best response better than what I tell my child when he dose it.
:woman_shrugging:

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That’s what I tell my son, he’s 8 too

Nope. Not wrong.
I tell my son’s that too.

Your not wrong at all. You didn’t scold him or make him feel disgusting, you simply told him to do it private which is the best place.

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My sons 7 and does it sometimes. I tell him if he’s gonna do that please go to his room.

That’s basically what I told my son, I told him it’s normal but it’s private so it needs to be done in his bedroom with the door closed or the bathroom and to ALWAYS wash his hands after

U tell my son who is 5 to take it where I can’t see it. Do it in his private time. Haven’t had a issue since. It’s totally normal

It’s totally normal for him to explore himself- and totally normal on what you said! I caught my son doing it on the couch, I told him “hands above deck! That’s private time- in your room or the bathroom.” I have a very blunt relationship with my kiddos. It works in my household- everyone is different.
On that note- it is literally NO ONES business, and you do not need to answer to ANYONE about patenting YOUR children! #parenting

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They need to be reminded its not a bad thing it’s just something they need to do in private.

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No Yr right, I told mine to do that in private, those are Yr private parts. Only they are allowed to touch them too.

He’s going to do it whether you tell him to stop or not. So I think definitely telling him to keep it private was a good idea. I think I would have a talk with him as well since he is starting to get curious. As for your partners parents, sorry not sorry but it’s not their business how you want to raise your kids and I wouldnt keep telling them anything from now on.

I would just add in that he needs to wash his hands after lol

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Umm that is totally normal and I told my kid to do the same thing. Need to do it in the privacy of his own room

I have always told my boys not to touch themselves in front of others. They can do it in private but not where others can see. I also explained that no one else is to touch them and they are to touch no one else

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I had a caseworker tell me to tell the youngest exactly what you told your son. If professionals give that advice, then I’d say go with it.

Nope nothing wrong with it. I have 3 boys and I tell them if they want to touch or mess with their private areas, they are to be in their room in private.

It’s normal so cant tell them not to touch it

What does she want u to say? You are not wrong… actually ever u r his parents Granny needs to stay in her lane.

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Totally normal to say that.

No you’re absolutely right. That’s what I tell my son. That’s what my parents have told us. That’s what their parents have told them. Period.

My mom sat me down and told me that is what crazy people do.That if I wanted to go to the mental hospital when I am older if I kept it up. I can’t do it and I don’t let my husband do it to me. Messed me up big time. I told my girls to do it in private.

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I would tell him to do it in his own room too. The way my mom said it to my brother is “no one wants to see you picking your nose either. And after you do either of those things wash your hands” :joy:

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Boy mom here.your response is normal asking questions on the internet about it…not so much.i hope your son never sees this thread.

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Make sure hands are washed also. Lol. Nope your not wrong

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First, don’t listen to anyone else. You and you alone (and of course the other parent) are only one(s) who have any say in how you raise your child!

Second, you’re absolutely right. Kids at that age are beginning to get curious about their bodies. I think you did the right thing. You need to explain to him that it’s natural, but it’s something that he does in private.

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Thats exactly what I tell my kids. You can touch yourselves, there’s nothing wrong with that but you need to do it privately in your room.

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I tell my boys the same thing. That’s something you do by yourself in the privacy of your bedroom. We don’t lock doors but I will knock as I expect them to do the same if they see a closed door. I also drill into their heads that no one else should be touching their privates and they don’t touch anyone else’s. Even being curious or having questions to come to me and we’ll figure it out.

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I told mine also if they wanna do that mom doesn’t need to see it to do it in private

Boy or girl we have always told our kids that there are many reasons they are called private parts 1 being nobody but you touches them unless given permission. 2 if your going to play of touch them your self you go do it in private. Ie bathroom or bedroom. Of course if it’s pulling your undies cuz there bunched up that one thing but discovery and play should be done in private but not embarrassing them if they have questions or concerns of course.

No! My son is 4 and I tell him all the time that he needs to leave it alone around people and if he needs to do that to do in his own room away from people.

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I say similar to my daughter. you can do it when you’re alone in your bedroom. no not the bathroom we are a family of 5 with one bathroom.

I’m just curious what the in-laws actually thought was an appropriate response since they didn’t agree with telling him to do it in private? Oh and yes, I think you were correct in what you told him, but also add wash hands afterwards, and add that you don’t want to come in and find anything “unsanitary” either.

My husband says I’m wrong for telling our son that. He was raised very catholic and believes it’s wrong to master bate. I’m not catholic and I’m not going to teach him it’s wrong. I don’t know what is the right thing but I don’t want mu son feeling bad for being curious. I also tell him he needs to do it in his room but he’s 4 and doesn’t quite understand yet

There are cultures and religions that DO NOT believe in that like at all the Samoan culture for example teach that it is wrong or in the very least looked down upon because it is something you do with your partner once old enough to be married AND with the hopes of producing children similar to what those of the Catholic faith believe or at one time believed. You need to look into your in laws culture/their religion also could be a reason. But ultimately it is your child 🤷 and no it’s not wrong I told mine the same thing.

I tell mine the same… 1 it is their body, you really can’t tell them not to touch themselves, but you can set boundaries and let them know when it appropriate and when its not.

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If that’s how you said it, you e likely embarrassed the child. When it comes to curiousness and growth in the private area, having a chat with them and just explaining like hey this is what happens when you get older and when we want to do that we go to a private room where we can be alone. I think you had the right idea but your delivery of the information could use some work

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I tell my little one- we don’t do that in front of others. If you want/need to touch down there go in your bedroom. I think telling them not to at all is like saying something is wrong with it or them.

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