Don’t shame him. Teach him that is something only to be done in his bedroom and with clean hands always. As someone who was shamed for exploring my body it’s made me very embarrassed in the bedroom and caused me issues feeling confident in myself.
As a mother to 2 boys teach them proper terminology of what their genitalia is and what consent is.
Don’t shame him. Teach him that is something only to be done in his bedroom and with clean hands always. As someone who was shamed for exploring my body it’s made me very embarrassed in the bedroom and caused me issues feeling confident in myself.
I tell my kids to do that in private. No one else needs to see it. My dad however thinks it’s not okay at all. I dont want my kid to be ashamed if their body. Its normal to explore.
We told ours. Do that in the bathroom. Raise your children the way you want
Nothing wrong with that…he is curious…and as he gets older it will be more attention for other reasons but not that for now haha…nothing wrong with letting them know it’s ok…and normal…but it’s something done in private…my kids are 2,7,8, and 11 and they have been taught early on about privacy…and respecting others privacy…they also have been told it’s normal to be curious about their body parts and feelings too…some people act like because they are small they aren’t allowed to feel emotions…being upset,or angry or frustrated…it’s normal feelings just directing the best way to express it…they have also been told no matter what they are love and supported…my oldest had a friend that was a girl and his cousins made jokes about it being his gf…he was 9 and he said she can’t be she is black…I corrected him and told him love isn’t a color…or gender orientated…love is love and feelings are feelings…that as long as you both are of age( as minors or adults) and you better each other not bring each other down and your respectful it doesn’t matter…Iv taught my kids everything like being curious about there private parts…feelings of emotions or feelings of liking someone is ok…it’s your job to direct their behavior that " acceptable" by public so Iv told my kids I understand there whatever and help direct a better way…and they know all to well about privacy…it’s a very good thing to teach your kids… privacy for themselves and respecting others privacy…if your comfortable with it who cares what others think…you raise your child the best you can to function in the world…my oldest got caught with porn videos on his tablet …he come to me and said the older( 4 yrs older…15) was watching stuff on his tablet and he isn’t sure it’s ok…so I looked…was horrified at knowing my son watched 22 videos on pornhub…but I first got mad…calmed down…and then spoke to him and the neighbor boys mom…I told my son porn and sex is normal and ok but when your an adult…and I also spoke to him about porn being something private or with someone when he is older if she is into it but it’s not for when he,2 older boys,and a 3 yr old girl and 7 yr old boy are running around…his dad said it’s just locker room stuff and I said he isn’t locker room age yet…and when he gets of age I’m more then willing to work with him and teach and guide him…extra shower time… magazine…hell I’ll buy special socks and cream/ lotion but first he isn’t old enough he is 11…and it’s something you don’t do in public…you do it alone and privately until you have a spouse to do it with if it’s possible…but I feel not shaming or belittling their emotions and curiosity or things they are exposed to but directing and informing them as well as being supportive…I think understanding there humans too and helping them and being supportive helps open a level of trust and communication between child and parent thats good and healthy…it doesn’t put them in fear or shame to hide things and figure out things on their own…I think it’s awesome your accepting of him being curious and ok with him exploring himself…and I think it’s great your teaching him privacy and respecting others around him…maybe when it’s just you sit ( we usually do baked chocolate chip cookies for our real talk) and let him know it’s ok and your supportive and that your proud of him for hearing you out and be curious in privacy…let him know with a one on one talk…it’s really good for your relationship…my kids half roll their eyes when I bring out the cookies…but they also know I’m here for anything they need or want to know about or are going through or whatever it is…to just talk with me and we will figure it out the best we can without anyone having hurt feelings and to be better educated or knowledgeable on whatever it is they have on their mind…Iv had several times where I get asked to get some cookies so we can bake and cook and talk…it’s our thing and I’m hoping this way of communicating and being understanding of their humanity and all that comes with it helps me be understanding and helpful not judgemental and degrading…I really hope it continues as they get older and into more serious things…but I feel it’s better then telling them they aren’t allowed to feel things or express things or everything they are doing is wrong wrong wrong…it’s not…it just needs to be directed a bit different so they can function in the world without issues…I have one child with anger issues…we have found ways to express them…that doesn’t involve throwing things or hitting people…or yelling I hate you…Iv told him I understand…anger is a normal and easily felt emotion…but if you act that way as an adult you will be in jail…you won’t be able to work if you cant control your attitude…you won’t have many friends and you won’t like jail life and some people fight back and I don’t think you’d like getting beat up for expressing yourself…so we are finding alternatives to express his anger so that he can grow up and learn to control or or release it in a better healthier less hostile way…that he wants to work and make money and have nice cars ( he wants a Lamborghini) that a Lamborghini takes money which comes from being able to work and work well with others…using some of the things they are already expressing as examples of why directing was necessary helps…it also shows your listening to all the little things like my son saying when he gets to drive he is getting a Lamborghini (haha regardless that I’m not buying him a Lamborghini esp when he is learning to drive) but it’s a goal he has set for himself so instead of telling him it’s unattainable…I’m supportive…sounds like your a good momma and deff understand…way to go
Yore fine mama, they need to feel okay exploring- but in the privacy of their own bed room
That’s what I told mine.
“That’s your body & not every part is for everyone to see”
Stop telling your in-laws anything. I have 8 kids and never had to redirect but if I do, I will tell them what you told your child. Your in law’s should have no opinion about how you raise YOUR children. Unless, they are raising them. But no you are not in the wrong.
Unpopular opinion here…I tell my 4 year old constantly to get his hands outta his pants and I’d tell my 7 year old the same if I needed to. I don’t really care if it embarrasses them.
“Your welcome to touch your penis when you are alone in your room or the bathroom. Those are private parts of your body, and we don’t touch them when people are around, or show them to other people”
Private things happen in privacy. Rule #1
You do that private if you feel the need others don’t need to see that cause now days a big deal could be made out of it in front of wrong person ! People make things harder now ! Special someone had little girl & it was done in front of ! People are ignorant & can make it be different ! Our world has changed for the worse in things !
I agree it’s a private thing just don’t make them believe they are doing something wrong.
No. Don’t make him feel ashamed or embarrassed about it now or he will hide from you in the future when it’s even more important to be able to have open and honest conversations about that kind of stuff. Teach him now that it needs to be done privately and nobody but him is allowed to touch that area.
I’d agree with you momma and dad. Teaching him to do that in private is better than having a child in school playing with himself in front of others because no one taught him it wasn’t right.
I tell my girls to only touch privates in private, that it’s completely normal and fine but to be polite and go in their bedroom or bathroom alone to do so.
He is going to do it anyway. Its something that in normal amounts is healthy and should be explored. However, it does need to stay in a private area, like the child bedroom
When my girls started exploring we create a safe space and rules. They need to be in private room by themselves, clean hand before and after. Only they can touch themselves.
So this is actually what you’re supposed to do as it can cause psychological problems with sex later to say things like its gross never do that etc I usually say more of I don’t wanna see it and not to do that infront of others they get curious a lot earlier than 8 lmao
My son is so obsessed with fixing his pee pee. He has to no matter where we are…. literally:confused:
He says it hurts for it to point out or down and he needs to fix it. I let him whenever he needs to but remind him in public places it can be kind of a no no and he needs to go to a restroom. He is 6.
I’d never shame my children for exploring their own bodies. Exploring happens privately in private. This is totally normal. It’s just setting the boundaries.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong?
Omg Really 26?? Lucky guy
No make him get his own insurance
You and your husband sit down with him and just have a casual adult family meeting about where you’re at with everything. What’s expected now and what the goals need to be in a certain time frame
My brother is 40 still on my parents and my dad still co-signs. Soooo, your a parent for life not just until 18.
HEK NO!!! Kick his No good lazy double A-S’s OUT!! But then you’ll need to take that car too:woman_shrugging:all 3, kids left from college else where. When college didn’t work for the boys, they didn’t look to coming back home. My youngest is 24 he’s been in NYC on his own. He wants to return to Tx but not our home.
Lol is this a joke…… cuz you got me:rofl:. Kick him out!!!
I know a lot of parents like this. I would let your husband handle it if he’s uncomfortable with it and wanting him to step up. I agree with the statement above. You’re a parent for life not just 18 years.
Choose. Hubby and his son or neither. Hubby has made it clear he isn’t willing to do anything, so choose.
You think it’s time for what? For him to pay you rent or to kick this kid to the curb?
No matter what my kids will always have a home with me but they have to be paying their own bills (phone, cars, insurance etc.) And saving money for their own home.
They want to be grown then they can do grown up things like work and pay bills
Ex bf is 36 still lives w mommy she pays everything. He does nothing. It’s just the new lazy thing men do. Ex husband 36 moved back in w his mommy, and 2 brothers they all kicked him out. He’s in jail now. I think it’s just laziness. So many kids don’t grown up and become men.
As soon as my sisters and I got our license my parents paid for the first year of our insurance. Then we paid the rest ourselves. 26 ITS TIME
It’s called failure to launch. There’s a movie about it. Y’all should watch it together
Make up a crazy lie saying his car insurance went up or something and start collecting his own money and then hand it back to him in a month and tell him get a fucking apartment
So he got married at 14?! This story doesn’t ad up sorry. Maybe you mean he’s 36 instead off 26?
If you’re fed up, let him go live on his own. Now everything is made to easy for him. Good luck
That’s y’all’s fault… Should’ve started at 16 with him paying bills… Kick him out at this point.
Start calling him Dale from stepbrothers
I agree you’re a parent for life. I don’t agree about not wanting to push your child to make a life of their own. I find it appalling that their are literal parents, like your husband, who don’t push their kids to want to do for themselves. It is time for that boy to move out.
Just cut him him off stop paying for things for him when he come to y’all and ask why a certain thing wasn’t paid put ur foot down and tell him he’s grown man pay for your own stuff hand him a paper of everything that is due on his half and when it’s due
Oh lord. You need Dr. Phil.
No. Adulthood creeps up on us all. Hugs!
26 get out !!! Yes we are parents for life, but our job as parents is to teach our kids to be successful on their own. Not to provide basic needs for them, for life. Hope this 26 year old boy never gets married. His poor wife will pay for all this. Trust me.
Your enabling him, and as long as you keep doing it , nothing will change
You can look at it a few ways. One being it is time to grow up and another yes you’re a parent even after 18 years buttttt … What will they do if and when something happens to you. Coming from someone who lost their parents young you better figure it out now because they won’t always be there.
It’s past time for him to be on his own.
Is this your grandson or son?
this is a little comfusign, at least to me, I had to read it several times. I think I got you have 4 adult children, I think now I got he is a dad to 5 adult children, But who is ’ he is 26???" It can’t be your husband. or is it his son? Now if you want this 26 yr old to grow up, you are 100% correct, Kick his ass out of the house is the only way for him to grow up & take responsibility for everything. If this is what you are asking. I will say, as a single mom at the time my daughter got her license, a neighbor gave her a car he was trying to sell for a few hundred dollars, but no one brought it, I told her since i was working & going to college, I told her if she wanted to drive it, she had to pay for her own insurance, she was on my policy, And she did, plus she work
I’m 30,with a child of my own(special needs) I moved back home when I got pregnant, my mom allowed me back home because I’m still her child, I also always pay mine and my son’s way,I had a job for 5years,I just left that job for a better paying job to help with more bills. I don’t see a problem with it as long as they help out! Give him bills he needs to pay,he’ll either start helping with the bills or move out.
Pls do him and his future the favor of tough love ! Give him until may 1st to get out. Get him a financial planner or a course maybe how to properly save for and pay bills etc. But may 1st he’s out.
Well for starters I wouldn’t be walking on eggshells around my 26 year old adult son time for him to move out or start paying bills
No you aren’t wrong. That’s a grown man right there.
I would personally state “your insurance ends at the end of the month for your car, you need to have your own insurance by then” whether he throws a fit or not. I’d set a date and be done with it
If it were one of your biological children would you have the same opinion? I agree, he’s plenty old enough to be supporting himself, but there may be underlying issues that need to be addressed before you just throw him out. Unless he’s just lazy. But idk your life. I just think you should look at it all and not just as “your husbands adult child needs to go”
I have no problem with him living there if it works out for your family but him not helping with bills at that age isn’t ok. It would be different if he just moved back in to do financial hardship and he was trying to get back on his feet but it’s been five years it’s time for him to help. We’ve got three kids 17, 19 and 21. All three of them pay their own car insurance(it’s still under our policy but they pay for their vehicle), gas and their own vehicle payment if it has one. All three of them pay their phone bill. The 19 and 21 year old pay what we call “rent” each month which is $600 for the 19 year old and $1000 for the 21-year-old. This money goes into a savings account for them so when it is time for them to move out they will have a nice down payment for a house of their own. They also had to put their own money away in their regular savings account. We are fortunate enough that we don’t need to use the money from them. But we are trying to set them up for being successful responsible adults when they are finally on their own.
Everyone matures at their own rate - being 21 doesn’t make you grown - some need more time - let it be - he will mature in time
You are not in the wrong. He should have been on his own at 21! You are enabling a grown-up to free load and not be a responsible adult or productive person.
You aren’t doing him any favors at all by teaching him and enabling him not to succeed to the best of his ability. He deserves to have that confidence and pride and you’re yanking that from him
Sounds like you need to set guidelines. You don’t just kick them out but you give him a date. Sometimes people have to fail
Tell him that he needs to obtain employment and contribute toward the household bills. I agree, he needs to be doing something- whether it be working, school, or both. Why is him being on your insurance policy such a big deal? Has he received a lot of tickets/points on his license? Accidents? I’m 34 & I’m back on my Mama’s policy… it’s 2 1/2 times cheaper for me to be on her policy, than to have my own.
Do you really need your husband’s permission? Why make it a big argument to do something so simple?
Just change companies to a better deal and don’t include his son, then tell him to sign up to his own… Simple.
Try to get your husband to set a date for your son to move out. It can be 1 month or 6 months out, just the point is setting a day so he gets it’s real that he needs to find something. Housing around me is terribly hard to find, so I would factor that into it. I would say about 3 months out would be more than enough time for him to figure out how to pay his own bills and have them transferred to his name and hopefully find an apartment. And if he can’t find something maybe talk about him paying you guys rent to cover some of what he uses in the house? You can always ask if he needs help making a grocery list or whatever it may be to help him adapt in the time you give him to find a place.
Ya leave it alone! It’s one kid. Let your husband decide.
It’s time for an ultimatum. Either he can start paying y’all rent or get his own place. Give him 30 days to get his shit together. If he refuses, serve him a proper eviction notice.
Please leave it alone. I’m not saying it’s right but just leave it alone
His child. Not your business.
It’s a cruel harsh world out there right now… scary times!!
Set boundaries, make rules. And give him chores, he’s still home! Doesn’t mean he can’t help out. Eventually he’ll either get tired of it or you’ll love having the extra help…
But remember one day this kid will be wiping your ass…
I guess it depends on the parent… I don’t think just because you help him means he is not doing anything, but by all means he should be working…
My parents still help me and my siblings and I am the youngest and 26 but they have helped me forever as well as all my siblings, if needed.
I lived with them until I was 25 until I bought my house and my sister and her husband and their family at one point lived with them to save money and buy a house.
I think it needs to be talked about with him as he is an adult already… and is there any underlying issues? at one point my brother who has ADD was like that but my dad told him if he can’t keep a consistent job he can get out… there has to be boundaries set with helping your kids, for sure. Hold him accountable and make him start paying little things if this is new since his dad never made him do it it might be difficult at first but realistically he should know what it is paying at least a few bills on his own besides car insurance and gas.
If he wants to stay with you, he needs to start participating in more bills. You need to meet in the middle with your husband on this because it’s clear he doesn’t want to kick his child out. Write down a list of things that your step son can do to help the household. Let him know he is responsible for his own messes, food, and products/TP. It doesn’t always have to be black and white. Find a middle ground.
In today’s economy alot of people stay with their parents until starting their own families and some stay after that even. What’s meant to be will always be.
Sorry this post is all over the place
Are you upset because he doesn’t pay rent or buy food and want him to leave?? Because it’s not like he doesn’t take care of things. He pays for his car and he pays insurance. If the issue is him helping out, then just tell him. If you want him gone because y’all want the house to yourselves, fucking tell him. He probably went through something rough and needed to be home for a while. There’s nothing wrong with that but you’ve gotta be honest with him. He’s a big kid. He can handle it.
My children are always welcome in my home. No matter what age. They need help, mom is here!
Uh… make him pay his way ! Period!
It’s all a hard situation, and I can see both sides, you’re wanting your son to move out his grown and it’s time for you to have you time, and husband don’t want to basically force him out. I would feel the same I wouldn’t want to force my kids out but he’s almost 30, it’s time to be a big boy and grow up and do grown up stuff, but at the same time I won’t push him out because he doesn’t have a job and nowhere to go. I say you need to talk to husband and say weather you’re with me or not I’m talking to son and he’s got X amount of time to get a job and save up to move, I may be a parent forever but I’m not babying forever, he’s been old enough to have his own home, and it’s time he does it. I did my job of raising and teaching but now I want my house back, cause at this point in time you two are just enabling him to be completely dependent on you and dad, and he will think that you will take care of him and everything else his whole life (and I know it’ll happen, my brother is the same exact way because of our grandma, he thinks just cause I’m his family I have to let him stay and take care of him)
Have the insurance company quote him on his own policy…
Stepparents who think their opinions matter when it comes to a biological parent’s relationship with their children are a special sort of entitled.
Your threat of removing yourself from my life is nothing compared to your ultimatum of losing my relationship with my child.
I hope the door hits your whole ass on the way out, then bounces off and hits it again for daring to think I’d ever pick you over my kids regardless of how old they are.
It’s his dad who co- signed for the car. I don’t see a problem with being on the car insurance. My parents allowed me to stay on theirs until I was 30. Because my dad bought all my cars for me. When I finally bought one on my own I paid for insurance. The rent part it’s up to both of you. My children know if they are not going to school or military, they will be paying rent. They are 19, and 17.
Tell him it’s time to pay his way or find his own place and own insurance. He’s too old to be treated like a child. He’s 26…
Honestly if he wants to live there grown he should be paying his share. I stayed with my mom around that age, I paid for food and 1 utility as well as my own car, phone, insurance ect.
Which I believe is fair.
If you are working and helping pay the bills then 5he son should also.
What? I dont understand what you said
Hell no !! But why should he leave a good thing, dad’s a sucker
Dont think there’s an age when our children should leave home tbh. Im their mum and this will always be their home. I shop, I pay the household bills…but I expect them to pay their own bills , help around the house /garden and have their own income.
You are SO RIGHT!
Make a list of expectations and after a good meal, put it out there … an item a time.
I’m sorry your husband is not on the same page. He is not thinking of this boy’s future!
Stop contributing to his lifestyle.
Truly. Stop paying his phone, stop buying food he likes. If you have a joint acct, seperate them. If dad wants to pay, let him pay. When he realizes you won’t, he’ll get the picture.
Your buy for you and dad. If you have to, you pay your pirtion of the phone bill. Change the wi-fi password. Nobody uses it if they aren’t paying toward it.
26 is too old to be mooching of the parents.
My son is 20 and coming home. We’ve already discussed the rules. We will help but we aren’t paying for him.
Do you work and support your family along with your husband? I’m fine with supporting my kids even into adulthood but not everyone is.
Hard to understand but if your saying yall pay for everything for him then kick him out. Tough love momma. Im 25 and live in my own home that my husband bought for us and our child. Husband is 26 and has had the same job for 6 years, pays all our bills, his grandmas bills, and on top of that we have several dogs and farm animals on 2 acres of land. He still living with you is not the issue its the fact he doesnt pay for anything
If he can’t financially contribute he can offset the chores around the house.
kick him out - he needs consequences of his own actions. Quit allowing him to be with you.
Hes pushing 30… make him be responsible for himself even if you provide the roof over his head. Give him a deadline to get a job and start paying rent. His part of utilities, groceries etc. Yall are let him be a free loader.
We are supposed to raise our children to become adults and make it in the world without us. Because, let’s be honest we are not always going to be around to help them out. He is 26 years old he needs to learn how to survive without you, regardless who works and pays the bills in your house.
Start charging him rent and his part of all bills- hear me out!
If you don’t NEED the extra help with bills, put all of that money in a separate account and you can gift it back to him when he’s purchasing his first home. I wouldn’t give it to him until that time.
If you do need the extra help, use what you have to, save what you can and give it to him when he purchases his first home.
I agree with a comment above- my kids will always always always be welcome in my home. Having said that, when it’s time to go, it’s time to go. If you have a peace in your heart that it’s that time- trust that! While I want my kids to always feel welcome and I’ll always be here to help them, I’m raising them to be independent, productive human beings. I don’t want to be a catalyst in their development bc of my support. I’ve had friends and family members do as I suggested above, and it helped their children tremendously. It’ll prepare him for life outside of his comfort zone.
Best of luck!
In my household, if my adult children move back in, and they have, it’s $50 a week rent plus you have to help out with groceries. Anything beyond a roof over their head and the household utilities is their responsibility. Plus I’m not built in child care to go out and play around. If they need childcare while working, and it’s not while I’m at work, I will watch the grands. Plus they have household chores. I’m not a hotel. My house doesn’t come with maid service.
I’m 27 and my dad pays for my phone and car insurance . I don’t take advantage like your step son, definitely ground rules need to be set . Make sure he buys his own food and other personal items… talk to him before kicking him out. If he don’t have any kids running around I don’t see the point of him moving out . I have one kid and that’s when I decided I couldn’t stay home forever even though my dad wanted me to . My partner is also 32 and still on his parents insurance and phone bill he pays his part I really see nothing wrong . As long as he is pitching in money life ain’t cheap and most of us didn’t ask to be here .
He gotta go Flo…give him a timeline & stick 2 it.
Evict him make him figure it out by himself
I’m 29 with 2 kids and I live with family. I pay rent, I pay daycare, I pay for my car, gas, my phone, any food we eat, all of it. Not only does he need to be paying his own stuff id be wondering why he doesn’t want to pay for his own stuff as well.
26???And still living at home???