You are not wrong. All you are helping him do is not work or grow up and sponge off someone else.
Decide with hubs a timeline for this fellow’s independence. How long he has before he has to have a steady job and move out. The move-out date is firm and you will have him evicted if he doesn’t want to do it on his own. Check out eviction procedures in your area and adhere to them.
Does he have depression, ADHD, other obstacles? Maybe encourage him to get evaluated if you have any suspicions.
Rehearse your presentation a few times, and practice being resolute. Then invite him to sit with you and explain that he is old enough to live on his own and take care of himself, and present your deadlines as immutable. Do not be swayed by his protestations. Say “I’m sorry, but this is the way it has to be.” Repeat as often as necessary.
Offer to teach him any life skills in the meantime you neglected or he refused to learn: laundry, ironing, cleaning the bathroom, cooking, budgeting, etc. Feel free to give him names of career counselors, apartments, job listings, but DO NOT do the work for him. You can explain the steps he should follow but HE has to make the effort and do the work.
If he has made no effort to move.by the deadline, evict him and give him the name of a homeless shelter.
You & hubs get counseling to help you deal with this, learn ways to stiffen your spines & let go.
If he’s really losing it, offer to pay for a few sessions with your therapist for him. She/he might be able to get through to him that he has to learn responsibility if you haven’t been able to.
Good luck. You’ll be doing him and yourselves a favor by getting him to launch. He might be mad and not talk to you for a while. If he complains to you, ask him, “What are you going to do about it?” Keep putting the responsibility back on him. “That is YOUR problem to solve, not mine/ours.” Keep going to therapy so you will understand why you can’t cave on anything. If he persists in whining, end the call and say, “I think we’re done here,” hang up and do not accept any more calls from him for a few days. You can block his calls for a while and only talk to him when it’s convenient for you. End the calls when he starts to try to guilt you into anything. Practice doing this with your therapist.
One day he will thank you. Keep looking forward to that day as you weather the storm when you kick him out. And who knows? Maybe he has seen this all along and it’ll be just the push he needs and he’ll go peacefully.
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You are not wrong. This is really sad. Stop providing things for him. Give him a deadline to get a job and be responsible. He will have to start paying rent and put money in for food and utilities. No more free ride. Be Saturn and stand your ground.
Discussions need to be made about a plan for the son to enable him to leave with success, goals and time lines (realistic ones)
Finish a trade program, or finish school, work a entry level job at a big company and work his way up in a year or two, etc.
it’s important to offer help and support so he doesn’t fail and end up back in your home needing more help possibly in worse situation.
Jump out of status quo so he could ant in same situation in 2 years without a plan to change it.
I’m 27
Still on my parents phone plan, but I pay my part of it, I pay my insurance and car note (that is co-signed for)
If he lives at home, I don’t think he should pay rent or utilities but vehicle, phone, insurance etc definitely is his responsibility.
-I have 2 boys of my own so I’m thinking in a sense of what I would expect from them
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I did it all my life alone when u are all u have u find a way to work harder to provide cut the dam cord!!!
your son needs to move NOW he gets away with this because you let him. your boy needs to grow up he will always be a child. perhaps he needs to be homeless a few times to get his ass a job and start learning to pay his own bills
19 was the right time… you’re way behind…
If he was your son what would you do? Seriously could you kick your son out?? If not then don’t bitch about it.
What you allow continues.
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I don’t necessarily think kicking him out is the right call. But I don’t see any reason why he can’t chip in on the bills.
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I agree you need to just have it out and don’t walk on egg shells to prevent argument. Its your house and he should respect any decision you come to x
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Start with rent…long over due.
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Give him a timeline and goals and if he isn’t meeting those by that time he starts paying rent. Getting serious with him may encourage him to want to leave so asking for rent right away may affect saving in that way, but he needs to show for it in the mean time
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Or require him to pay rent and put that away for him to go towards his own place
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time for him to grow up
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No rent no food " time for big wake up call "
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Make him pay rent. He will get tired of paying you and maybe go get his own place or move in with a friend. I would charge $500 a month. Something that’s affordable but also enough to make him scratch his head. Plus his car and insurance .
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Maybe if he pays a third of utilities, food etc, he’ll think about using the money for his own place. LoL
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26??? He needs own apartment…own bills, own insurance and household things. Why should he do it if done for him? I’d say you have till X date and your out. Want things, drive things…work for them like everyone else.
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26 cut those strings… plenty of jobs available, I don’t care if you go from job to job but it better be from job to job not a job now and 6 months later another job!!! Your husband needs to realize he’s not helping him he is already apparently lazy won’t work don’t contribute no woman gonna want him you’ll be strapped with him till he’s 90… time for him to go or work and contribute!!! No free ride!!!
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Definitely needs to at least pay his way in your home. More than the vehicle
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No your not wrong
In fact your husband
Should be supporting you
Also your man child needs to get off his tookus, go and find a job , and start contributing to food and bills
Sadly you have made a rod for your own back
By allowing this to go on for so long
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He has responsibility so he won’t be pushed to work if doesn’t have to … once he has bills that need paying he will work or be out on the street
My 20 yr old is a full time university student and works part time . He has contributed financially to the household since he was 18. I did though put all that money away and I used it as part of buying him a good car .
Tell your husband it is time he gets up and helps or he’ll end up stuck with raising that adult by himself. Because honestly I wouldn’t sit and be saddled raising a grown man like a baby. Give him that push of ultimatum since he can’t seem to do it himself.
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Pay rent pay some on the house hold bills and buy food or hit the road jack
Oh geez. Kick him out. He’s old enough to be out on his own. Bloody 26 and not paying his way? Just nope. He’s taking advantage of you both. You’re not in the wrong at all. He will never grow up and be responsible unless he’s forced to.
You are wrong to think your husband is agreeing with you. Unfortunately he was his baby boy and they’re the spoilt ones. Suck it up or leave
I don’t agree with alot of the comments here. Yes he should pay rent to cover cost of his share of the bills and food. But the poster is not the mother of for child so doesn’t have the parent bond so unlike to father she is keen for said son to move out. Maybe he just can’t afford to, Sound like he as depressions. My older son are 26 and 25 both work but due to covid have low paid jobs. No way would there wage cover rent let alone anything else. They pay there own phone bills and pay a sent amount based on there wages. No way would I kick them out. It will always be there home 
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Definitely charge him rent and a third of the bills. Lots of families cohabitate for financial reasons or convenience. But it doesn’t serve him justice thinking he can live as an adult without paying his fair share. Otherwise serve him eviction notice.
Plant a tree, bury him under it. Name it after him. Kids can visit anytime. 
Never had children of my own, but this Tough Love approach breaks my heart! I doubt I could do it.
Cheated, lied & gone to jail.
It’s time he starts looking after himself and you need to do the same.
You know what you need to do here.
You are important
You and your kids are # 1.
Protect what’s yours.
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He’s toxic time to reevaluate your situation.
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Girl, is he really worth it? He’s cheated, lied, gone to jail, and emotionally abusive. 
you deserve better
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You need to get rid of that so called husband thats still a lil boy! He needs to man up and be a man, a father figure for his children! Learn your self worth before you can move forward! Don’t let this lil boy bc that’s what he is keep you from doing for your children! He needs to be able to learn to stand on his own two feet and move his family forward! Good luck!
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Red flags, leave momma.
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What you “allow” will continue!!
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He doesn’t deserve you. You need to leave!!!
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You know what you need to do. A toxic relationship isn’t healthy for you or your kids. Life is too short to live in abuse. Time for a fresh start
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You need to leave him
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You’re teaching your kids that’s how relationships work.
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Take care of you. #1
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Kick his ass to the curb? You deserve better than him and do not need the b.s. he is giving you, you know you’re doing what you can. If he cannot accept the fact you’re on limited income, and blames you for things HE can’t do or can’t afford to do, then he’s the problem. Not you.
You could’ve spent that money on just you and the children, if you were to bes selfish, which looks like you should have done. Don’t break yourself buy continuing the toxic sicle. You deserve SO SO much better. 
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Ditch the man. He toxic. On the other hand I’m so sorry you’re agoraphobic. My husband is too. It’s so tough. And I wanted to say I’m proud of you for venturing out when you can. I know that it’s absolutely terrifying.
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Big red flags!! Run as fast as you can
You’re not the problem he is! If you can pay all the bills by yourself now then you can do it without him!
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Honestly you want the truth,
Leave his ass!
Your paying the bills, you bought the car ! And your keeping afloat all while hes lied and cheated and etc.
I can’t even finish reading it.
You stayed, because …?
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No you need to put you & kids 1st “you kept the family going all these years” not him!! Get rid i say xx
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If everyone with anxiety was on disability we’d be in a lot of trouble.
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Are you able to get a work from home job so you don’t have to go out? If you are able to work at home and make more than disability and it’s something you think is best, then run the numbers… your job is not to take care of him. If he doesn’t like that, they he can go get his own place.
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Don’t let him bully you. Fights about money are rough but it’s very unfair for him to claim you are doing nothing. If he was honest he’s probably mad that he has to go to work. I think providing an affordable place to live is very important. If he’s not able to have extra money then he should work with you not against you to find money to pay for his repairs. I am not a mechanic but three times a year for brakes seems insane. I have never heard of that before. Unless you are replacing rotors and calipers and brake pads too depending on car you can find affordable ways to change them or do it yourself. Your kids are doing good. Don’t let his negativity get at you. Place to live, food on the table and a mom that loves them the kids are going to be ok. Talk to hubby and go from there. It’s very hard to be with someone who’s if I do this you have to do the same when you are not able to be the same. Good luck. I would think about what he’s doing for you and if he’s making things easier or not.
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I don’t understand why you stay with someone who treats you so badly and has so many unresolved problems. What exactly is he adding to the family? Sounds like only problems. What is preventing you from kicking him out? Also he sounds like a terrible, dangerous driver who shouldn’t be on the road. Do research online and consult with lawyers to see what your options are.
Also hope you’re in therapy for your problems including maybe self esteem as to why you stay with this guy who sounds like a creep. More phone/zoom therapy options now so you wouldn’t have to leave the house.
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Kick his ass out! Why are you even dealing w his immature attitude. Thise kids deserve better n so DO YOU!
TELL HIM TAKE HIS CAR N GET OUT.
YOURE ALREADY SUPPORTING THE FAMILY.
PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF N YOUR KIDS.
Sounds like you depend on him too drive and go places for you and he depends on you too pay everything ! Kids need to see love between parents.Not fussing and fighting.Disability is so hard to get on! You have it for a reason. Don’t let any man put you down because you can’t work! This relationship screams toxic! I would put his butt on the road!!!
This isn’t healthy. You allowed it to go on so long I’m afraid it’ll be too late to set boundaries, or tell him he has to pay for car expenses and half of the bills. It’s time to let this child go and focus on yourself. By yourself a house. He is using you.
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Read this as if you’re someone else. What would you tell this person??? We can’t tell you what to do or what you should do but sometimes you gotta take a step back. Take the feelings of what ifs out of it and see the big picture.
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Don’t be a fool. You’re doing it all by yourself so be by yourself.
Kick him to the curb!!!
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Some people are horrible at advice and will criticize. First of all, after so long of dealing with so much it’s hard to just leave, or make them leave. He sounds maybe controlling and really immature. Men now days need a woman to be more of a mommy to them and take care of them while they bully them. Make a plan. You can’t just kick him out, cause laws. But I would definitely look into seeking help. You need to leave. If you have a family or friends place you can go and stay temp, and then you get yourself and your kids another place. Idk if you own or rent. If you own I guess that’s not an option. I know anxiety is bad, but you have to make yourself push through. Find a good friend who is close that can help. Sometimes when you try to leave, they can get mean and violent. If you have to, you can get the police to escort you so nothing bad happens.
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Work from home and don’t ask for anything.
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You have to understand you have allowed this behavior for such a long period of time that probably to him it’s a neutral issue… you can work and get disability up to 25 hours a week… you don’t need so much toxic energy around you or it will just drain your soul everyday, communicate the issue everyday until it’s resolved or if nothing changes leave and let him know your serious
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You’re not in the wrong. Have you thought about having him leave? He’s making your anxiety worse trust me. I’m on disability for ptsd anxiety depression borderline personality disorder. He can blame u all he wants but your man is the problem. Trust me if u got rid of him out of your home things would be so much better.
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You need to get rid of him!!
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I am asking this for clarification and nothing else: as someone who was married to an agoraphobic (late husband, he died of a pulmonary emolism a little over five years ago) AND someone who struggles with anxiety and other mental illnesses myself, I mean no disrespect nor judgement, and truly do seek clarification. Is it just being in public in crowds that is triggering or does any form of communication with others outside of your inner circle including phones, texts, emails, etc also trigger them? If other forms of communication does not, then honestly, I would recommend gaining permanent remote work (a lot of them actually pays better than disability and offer really good benefits packages that can include mental health supports and even telehealth options so you can do most doctor appointments virtually instead of having to go to the offices as frequently) and once you are established in that job, start the process of leaving his ass. He is mentally and emotionally and even verbally abusing you, which is NOT good for your mental health, which is already struggling as it it and YOU deserve WAY better as do your kids. He cheats, he mooches off of you and does not pay you back, he belittles you, he undermines you, he berates you, he treats you as his inferior instead of as his equal in this relationship and IF you can, you need to leave it. If however any form of communication with the outside world is a struggle, then we need to explore alternatives ranging from seeking out any sort of state assistance (some states have state run disability support programs, so I would start there and apply for them, even if they take time to be approved or if you are put on a waitlist: at least being put on one means you are there) to seeing if you and the kids can stay with any family members or friends and you start there to figure things out for a bit. You DO deserve WAY better and your KIDS deserve better than to see their mother treated worse than a dog chained up in a Texas summer.
If someone else put this post up and you read it, what would you think? Go with that…
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Wow…bet that’s been a lonnnng 10 years!!! 
help you??? You need to help yourself & throw his ass out of the house
Ummm you can take care of you and the kids on your own as you have said so my answer would be tell that man to take a long walk somewhere else
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My husband is 100% disabled thru the VA & can’t work.
Never in my life would I treat him like that.
Like, even mad at him, I have never. 
If you can afford life without him, run.
Your kids are watching.
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U are doing everything!!!
Divide everything 50/50… see where he gets with that!!!
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Get rid of him asap!
U are the one proving rent n bills you’ll be better off without him jus u n ur kids:two_hearts:
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Either get rid or simply state yeah ill go get a job if he can guarantee he’ll pay all bills and childcare cost. Dont forget childcare double thro school hols. See what he says then
Your not doing anything wrong. You’re with a man with a childlike mentality
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Get rid of him it’s 50/50 not 90/30 Whatever the hell he feels like it
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Tell him to be quiet and get a better job . Also tell him he can start paying half the bills or leave . What a moocher
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Keep your disability. He needs more money, he needs a better job. It’s really that simple. You bought him the car. It’s his responsibility to take care of the car and the bills for the car since it is HIS car - you don’t drive it.
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Well I don’t think he should have given you $ for the car since yall are together but the insurance, gas, maintenance is ALL on him since he’s the ONLY one driving. You can’t work but only 10 hrs a week if you are on disability or you lose it. You are bringing in an income with your disability. He needs to be a man and take care of his family!
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No get rid of him, basically sounds like you do it on your own as it is so go with that.
Oh honey you need a new husband
Maybe sit down with a budget showing all the costs and make sure you are both aware of bills and income. Sounds like he is trying to change some things like now he is working it can be frustrating knowing you are working and the other isn’t that resentment needs to be talked about. You take care of the kids which is so important. Who is in charge of cooking dinner shopping and chores? If he’s working just make sure you’re doing all the other stuff but make sure you’re setting boundaries for how you’re treated. Your kids will learn how to let a spouse treat them by watching you just sit down and have a heart to heart about feeling respected cuz you deserve respect whether you’re working or not. If your income together is enough to pay all your bills and have spending money than that is great but if you need more income maybe you can look into doing a work from home job a couple days a week or babysitting or pet sitting and you should look into counseling for your agoraphobia that can be terrible I can’t even imagine but I know with God anything is possible we should always be trying to improve ourselves and heal those traumas I bet it’s completely possible that one day you can be off of social security and be healed even if you don’t get off social security I know that you can improve your life for you and your kids
Take your check and leave
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It’s easy for us to say make him leave but in all honesty it will be the best thing for yourself him and your kids is to make him leave and your home will be a far better atmosphere with your mood personally being better.
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He is a total loser. Get rid of him!!!
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Bye!!! He find out about an extra do you extra for you and your kids!!
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You must get a lot of money to pay all your bills, support a household and kids with disability only 
Well, he needs to get a better paying job so he can pay for his own shit and contribute to his family!!!
He is toxic. This is supposed to be a partnership. You are the one carrying the load, the kids,the bills. You know the difference between right and wrong, but only you can be the one to decide to walk away.
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Sounds to me like you don’t need him if you’re paying all the bills. I’d be done with him, but that’s just me. Not worth putting up with that crap. Trust me.
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You are fine. HE NEEDS TO GO AND LEAVE THE CAR ON HIS WAY OUT
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The question isn’t are you right or wrong,but the question is are you really going to settle for this?
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Uber is cheaper and way less bullshit momma!! Kick him to the curbside… YOU are amazing and don’t you forget it 
Tell him to get a second job
Kick him out. You paid for the car, did you at least get it in your name? If not, that’s a lost cause. But seriously you’re already doing everything on your own and supporting him.
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One less mouth to feed. More money for your kids that way 
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I’m disabled to a point cause a ex shot me threw both legs 5 years ago and I need a knee replacement ect… my husband he knows this and knew this when we got together, I tried to work even tho my husband said I don’t need to I tried but now I am to the point I can’t even keep trying so he works and I take care the house and kids and he don’t complain at all,I’m the one that complains saying I’m not contributing and he looks at me and tells me that I am by taking care the house the kids the bills ect. So your man he needs to grow up and realize you have a disability and that you take care house and kids ect.
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He is also likely the reason for you MH issue’s