My daughter is in first grade and her father works days(and has an on call phone) and I work nights. I also have a baby who is almost a year old. Her dad doesn’t agree with her in daycare and I told him if I was breast feeding her then I’d be working less and he would have to pay the rent and bills. Fast forward to now, he pays the rent and bills but I only get to use the money I make at work cause he covers everything else. I only work 3 nights a week serving. Now that the baby is older I have been trying to work more evenings. 4-5 nights a week, for Christmas, gas, house essentials, kids, and myself, I also have really Old court fines I need to pay off in the next month.
Well she isn’t going to be able to be in daycare until January at the earliest because of the lack of availability… and that’s when I’m going to school….
I’m already mad cause ive had many conversations with him about my older daughter (6) who won’t go to sleep until I get home and make her. I get mad that he doesn’t enforce her going to sleep and he plays video games with the baby in his game room while my 6 year old just watches tv until I come home and make her go to bed. Also she has barely been doing homework this year because I have had a new baby that I’m adjusting to.
Am I wrong for being mad after talking this over with him again and again. Should I be doing something different? I feel like I’m always mad cause I’m always cleaning, cooking, running errands, or working, and he’s just smoking weed and gaming away….
Granted he pays all the bills and rent. Am I justified for my anger or just being extra ?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I justified for my anger or just being extra? - Mamas Uncut
Justifiable anger. I’d be pissed if I had to constantly be the had guy because one parent always get to be the “fun” parent. You shouldn’t have to come home, to your place of peace and relaxation, and have to be angry and the rule enforcer every night. He needs to grow and be a parent.
Sounds like you have a roommate instead of a partner. He should do better, he has kids for gods sake. 
your feelings are valid and you should definitely tell him how you feel and see how it plays oyt
You need ro ask yourself… How long do you seriously intend to put up with the single parent household scenario you’re living in? What is he… 14?? 
You with 3 nights a week… only problem I see is him not putting her to bed and maybe the weed lol… but I think these are not huge issues and just needs a conversation about what to do in the future! Plus if all he does is have and smoke weed how does he manage to pay everything! Not to mention all you need to do is deal for a month! When the little one is in daycare it will be a bit easier!
I would be mad about the sleep schedule and him not helping out with house stuff BUT he IS working too and you did say paying all the bills. I’m single by choice but IF I was in a relationship like yours I’d be mad but imagine all he did was smoke, play games and was unemployed?? Atleast yours has a job😉can he not wait till AFTER bedtime and house is clean to smoke and play?? Ugggh… I feel for ya, that’s why I have to be alone. I hope it gets better. My grandparents have been married 65yrs, my Grampy would say, Listen AND Compromise
I’d be mad too! Tell him he can start helping with the kids and other household chores or he can get out.
Create a schedule and post it where your man and daughter can see it. I know it sounds a little over the top but you’d be surprised how much your daughter and man will likely follow it. They may not be 
following it all the time but even if they will follow it somewhat it could make a world of difference in your life and relationship.
Sounds like he doesn’t want you to work and is doing anything possible to make it hard on you cause you are …Some men don’t grow up as fast as us women…It’s a shame he is not being a parent and making the older child get her home work done and in bed at a proper time each night…
Think about what you would do if you were divorced how you would make it babysitters goodby school kids won’t have a father unless you are blinded and marry again stepfather they are known for not liking crabby teenagers and all the hardship from some teenagers he’s not as bad as it seems accept for the pot part that scares me a little put his paraphernalia in a lock box so kids don’t get it. There’s so much wore guys out there be grateful you don’t get a nut that abuses you he’s trying in his own way witch isn’t your way but he’s there he picking up some of the slack this is real pressure going to school after starting the family I worry it will break the both of you your really trying I think it is so good that you are trying to improve yourself
Maybe he’s having a hard time doing it. Have you asked him about it? Men struggle mentally too. It’s not just women. It seems like he works full time and on call. So that’s right there is a lot. Then coming home and parenting is a whole different job. More stress. Talk to him. See if he’s okay.
First of all your daughter in kindergarten so just being up all day she should have no problem sleeping second of all she needs a certain time she has to sleep a schedule all week in bed by 8 amd Friday amd sat bath and let her chill say Luke Friday and Saturday is her chill day
I am quite curious about his means of earning a living while playing video games and getting stoned. I have my suspicions. If that is the case he should be willing to help more with the kids and household chores. It almost sounds like he has a free ride except for the $$. You, on the other hand, I see trying to make a better life for yourself and the kids. Paying off fines, working and preparing to go back to school. You go girl!! and you already know how this plays out! Do it for you and the kids! You all deserve a better, healthier lifestyle!
I pay my fines at $8.58 per fortnight
It’s beginning to look a lot like L E A V E T H E M ™
Hard as it is you can t tell someone else how to parent
But the other things yes
The bedtime needs to be talked about. But as far as the homework, that’s on you too. You said it’s because you are adjusting to a new baby. You can’t neglect duties to one child just because you have another child.
My husband pays ALL the bills (stay at home mum with three kids - 2 with Sen ) so I could be home for hospital app, OT app, TAC etc. He cooks, cleans, sorts bedtime etc all without being asked. That’s what a relationship is. Working together to get s**t done. This is his house and he helped make the kids. If I was you, I’d mad.
You’re justified. There’s more to bring a husband and father than just working and paying the bills.
He should be putting your daughter to bed while you’re at work. You guys can rotate days. Cooking and cleaning depend on him also. Does he watch the baby while you do all this? Or does does expect you to do it all? Also, on days that you do work he can help out with feeding the kids sometimes. Both my partner and I work, me nights, him days. I usually do the cooking, if I’m tired he either preps something easy or we let the girls prepare something themselves (10 & 14), sometimes dad will order out pizza or burger King too. I drip off my 10 yr old to school, he picks her up. My son is 16 months, we sleep around his schedule, either way 1 of us is going lose sleep while with him. Then when my partner gets home whoever got less sleep takes a nap. I also smoke weed (when not pregnant or b.f, but I can function and stick to my schedule when doing so. Partner sometimew drinks on weekend whwn I’m home to watch the baby.)
He’s a child. He can’t take responsibility and needs someone to do it for him. I was with someone like this- it was awful. Like having another child. No initiative.
the thing is just because he is the bread winner, doesnt make him less of a parent. he isnt meeting you expectations (that it seems youve been clear about several times). He isnt a babysitter, he’s a parent and he needs to act like that.
in my house i am primary parent and my husband is primary financially. I expect my husband to still be a dad when he comes home. that means feeding, changing, helping the kids. For us, since i am not working outside the home or going to school i still take on a lot more of the parental resposablility. just because he does work 40+ hours a week at a physically and mentally demanding job, and i want him to have time to unwind and relax. but im also 24/7 raising 2 soon to be 3 kids all under 4. so i dont think youre being dramatic, youre feelings are valid
A little extra as if someone was paying all my rent n bills I’d be grateful n happy to do all the household chores lol 
I would be pissed too
Couples should be working together and not separate.je helped make the kids he should be willing to help with them ESPECIALLY if you are also working.
Lmao. It’s almost comical to see how many people consider the step dad a good guy for paying the bills.
The 6 year old is being neglected. Her education is lacking bc he prefers playing video games instead of parenting. He signed up for this role when they married. His wife is tired, overwhelmed, and unappreciated. She works and raises kids with little help. She has every right to be upset and hurt. Her oldest child deserves better than this step dad. Paying the bills doesn’t excuse being neglectful. The 6 year old matters too.
Mom, chin up. You’re doing an excellent job. Speak up and stand your ground for yourself and your oldest child. YOU matter too! Ignore some of the ignorant comments in here. Some people are still stuck in the 20th century. Your voice matters. Speak up. Wishing you all of the best.
3 days a week isn’t “working all the time” if your daughter is behind on homework you are just as much to blame as him. That said I’d throw his gaming console out the fucking window. He can help too.
You should be angry he’s isn’t pulling his parental weight. Just bc he works doesn’t mean he gets to shrug off his parenting duties… too many people think that way. Both of you are responsible for her homework. The baby is a year so has her education been out on the wayside for all that time? There shouldn’t be any tv for anyone until it’s done. I’m not going talk crap about gaming with a baby I myself played a lot of CoD while BFing the oldest. Also I’m personally not comfortable with weed while being the only parent in charge. How far is he with this weed is it just a little or is he completely gone?
No you’re not being extra, you are totally justified in how you’re feeling. He needs to step up to the plate and be a husband and father that you need him to be!!! If he’s having an issue helping, he needs to communicate that to you so y’all work through it together. He needs to get on board.
Tell him to step up, and get his priorities in order. Kids first games and weed later when they are sleeping
Paying bills and rent doesn’t excuse a man from being a good husband and father. I said what I said.
Your baby is almost a year old and not an excuse to ignore your other child and her homework 
y’all need to get it together on both sides
Just because he pays bills doesn’t give him a free pass at being an adult taking care of kids and a home… it’s a partnership.
Just because he pays bills doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be a responsible payment. Paying shit is easy parenting isn’t
So, because he pays the bills, OP feels she just has to accept whatever behavior he’s willing to pattern? Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a very healthy dynamic, especially when you add in that apparently she can only spend what she earns while he’s actively working to make it as inconvenient as possible. If he’s not being helpful, I’d be wondering what the point of having him around is anymore. Why is dad not helping with the homework in the evenings when he’s home anyway? How is that your fault too?
I very rarely ever comment. Only going off what you put in the post. And there may be more to the story.
Honestly, it sounds like you are raising 3 kids. He is acting like a baby sitter. Just because he works hard, pays the bills, etc. doesn’t mean he gets out of Dad duty.
He needs to step up and help with homework, baths, put the kids to bed. Good luck! 
Who ever u are we need to be friends.
H3ll, I’d kick his a$$. Just because he pays the rent and bills doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to do house work. If my hubby was completely that way (I let him relax after work before asking anything of him) I wouldn’t even be with him anymore. And I just had my third child last month. So I’m still adjusting to the new way of my life, my next chapter so to say. If he’s taking what you do for granted, stop doing things for him. And only pick up after your older daughter and yourself as well as your baby. It takes two to tango, and two to care for the child created. Try telling him to do more around the house it’ll be cleaner and better for the child. And tell him he has to start making the older one going to bed at bedtime or your going to withhold bedroom fun time or the game system from him. You can take one of the cords with you when you go to work do he won’t be able to play on it. Be creative on how you let him know that he has to help. But you need to sit him down and have a deep talk about everything you are concerned about and such. Listen to each other too
Nope! I’d be pissed too. Seems his games are more important than making sure daughter is asleep on time and homework is done.
Video games are my number one no no… take a hammer to that s*** for fun first and then tell him to get off his butt and help you with BOTH of your children
Wait, why are you worried about being extra? Hon, pick your standards up off the floor. That man is doing bare minimum and it isn’t okay.
What does being extra mean ?
You should be mad. Your with a man child. Just because he manages to pay bills, doesn’t make him a good partner.
He sounds like a prick
I’d be extra and hide his games and weed. 
Take care of the kids and I’ll tell you where they are.
But, no seriously talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel. Marriages work because of Communication. Express with him that even though he works a lot he still has to be a father. Explain to him that even though you have a part time job your job never ends. If he doesn’t respect you or change. Leave. It’s that simple.
Dads don’t babysit they parent. You guys need a schedule. When my 1st grader gets home she gets a snack and straight to HW. She can’t do anything until it’s done. Then she plays dinner 5/530 get ready for bed 7 earlier if she needs a bath and in bed by 730 that’s plenty of time for him to game when child is asleep. IMO 
It should be a partnership. He should be a father and take care of his children. You aren’t supposed to feel alone in your relationship. If he doesn’t respect you and your feelings, doesn’t even try to improve things then he is just comfortable and won’t ever change. Just paying bills doesn’t mean he can just sit on his ass when he isn’t at work.
Kids need structure, he needs to step it up
Shared responsibility across the board. A relationship doesn’t work based on how much someone pays. You both work, you both contribute, you both throw trash in the garbage, you both eat off the dishes creating dishes, you both walk across the floor tracking in dirt, and you both parent. When you both work outside the home, the work at home should be shared equally. You are not being extra. You are well within your right to be upset. Everyone says marriage is a 50/50 game; it’s actually 100% on both parts. Both parties need to give 100% all the time.
He needs to step it up. I had the same set up when I was married. He paid the bills but I paid for all the extra stuff by working at night in a restaurant. We aren’t to together anymore and one problem was that he came home from work and did nothing else. He did get my daughter in bed at a decent hour bc he went to bed but the house would be a mess and she didn’t do anything for school. It made me very resentful. If you weren’t working, y’all probably wouldn’t get to go on vacay or out to dinner. Your daughter wouldn’t have nice school clothes and Christmas would be shit. You are paying for stuff too. I told my ex we could start splitting everything by the percentage of money we brought in. He made 3x more than me so he could pay 3/4 and I’d pay 1/4.
Just because you work doesn’t mean you stop being a parent period end of discussion
I worked all through out my pregnancy till the day I gave birth then had to go straight back to work and still had to do everything for the kids my man is working a good job now and daycare is just to expensive rn with 2 especially 2 that are still babies so I am staying home but I still expect my man to help out when he can and he has to be bad guy too when he is off
Went through that on top of other more serious things and left. Best thing I ever did. I had help with my kids for a few years with my mom, got a job, bought my own house and pay my own bills. Sucks being a single mom, but it really sucks being one when you’re with someone. I’d have a come to jesus meeting with him and if that doesn’t work you’ll either have to be content with the life you have, or make a different path for the life you want. Hugs though, walked that path and know its rough.
Also I smoke too its sooo not an excuse for bad parenting so what you gotta smoke less to take care of your kids if its between weed and diapers I will always go for diapers first and pre pregnancy of my first I used to smoke a loooot he gotta step up or step out
I lost my shit on my husband cuz I to went back to work and he was used to me doing it mostly. There is no going back we both need to work and both kids need routine and homework and extras done no if ands or butts. i told him id take the fricken cords to the tv and game sets when i go to work.
He needs to man the fuck up and be a DAD.
I wouldn’t have a guy that smokes or plays video games.
Be pissed. He’s doing the absolute bare minimum while you do everything else. It’s unfair and bs. You need a partner and someone to step up. There’s a time and place for video games and weed and that would be when the real responsibility stuff is taken care of first. You aren’t extra you are a worn out parent who’s being pushed as far as you can go.
I just don’t understand!
The anger comes from the frustration. Talk to him again and let him know you’re frustrated. Give him the solution to the problem. Tell him to put the kids down to sleep before he smokes and starts playing video games. Tell him with the kids sleeping he will get uninterrupted gaming time and enjoy his high. Let him know that him doing this will eliminate your frustration which will eliminate him having to hear about it. You gotta mind fuck him.
You just had a baby your body is still adjusting and so are your emotions
Maybe he could at least get the oldest daughter in bed and then go do his thing
But house chores should be split
And if the bills are paid it shouldn’t be a issues or make it a issue or point out who pays them if they are paid they are paid
But I understand your frustration
so, your daughter doesn’t’ get to sleep/bed until 7-8am ??? You did say you work nights. Or do you work evenings, usually the 3-11 shift???
You live with a child who pays the bills
Deal with it or don’t. None of us can tell you whats best for YOU.
Good luck, Id personally tell him to get out.
Extra would be cutting his game system cord in half or throwing the controller thru the tv lol. I would be upset too!
No point in being mad. But he’s not pulling his own weight, and a minor child is paying the consequences for it. Maybe it’s time to get past “angry” and figure out an actual solution, because there’s a problem and he’s being part of the problem.
I did almost all the cooking a cleaning when I was home full time. When I went back part time he picked up some chores and now that I’m full time we split it. I’m not working and doing all the housework.
Isn’t this what he’s supposed to do why is he getting brownie points for working and paying bills
That’s below the absolute bare minimum and you’re supposed to be happy with that?? Nah, time to step up bud
They’re his kids too so he should be more involved with them. If he’s home in the evenings then he should be setting boundaries and enforcing a structured schedule. If he wants to act childish maybe put this game away and treat him like a child until he can act better. But since you’ve already talked to him about it multiple times, he doesn’t see it as a problem and isn’t going to change
So what if he works and pays the majority of the bills. Y’all are a partnership. Y’all are parents and just bc he pays the bills doesn’t mean you should run yourself ragged tryna do everything on it own especially if he don’t like daycare well then he can watch them more or find a babysitter… Don’t let him run you around like this…he basically telling you he don’t care about your problems or you doing everything and needing help bc he pays bills. So how much can he possible love you if he is ok watching you struggle and not helping the situation. Being a parent is more than working and just paying most the bills. You have every right to be mad, remember if he wants to he would. He is ok with you working and then coming home working and taking care of small children all the time running yourself thin then making sure you know he pays all the bills…what a man he is
If you’re hustling to better yourself and your family, hours are hours and you need to do what you need to do, he needs to pick up the slack. Period. End of story. Either you guys are a team or not. If he’s not the other half of your team find someone who is.
Video games is a major problem in my relationship also ans it won’t change. So look at it that way and make your choice.
You both need to set a bedtime and routine and become consistent. You both should talk to your 6 year old to let her know the routine, and dad has to put her to bed. Maybe you can call her or FaceTime before bed to say goodnight. Dad needs to get comfortable with the bedtime routine and challenges of a child not wanting to go to bed. It may take some time for everyone to adjust. But let dad know if you come home and he hasn’t put her to bed that you will stay downstairs or take a shower, etc while he does it. The expectation should be that he sticks to the routine on the days you work late. Paying bills has nothing to do with choosing not to parent. He can smoke weed and play video games when the kids are in bed.
If he’s not taking care of your babies, threaten to quit. If he keeps it up, make the threat a promise.
This sounds like my guy. Exactly basically.
If he’s there, theirs no reason a grown man can’t get up and parent his kids.
If he is going to live with the 1950s mentality that the men just work and pay the bills then you should just stay home and take care of the house. You can’t be doing all the work. He should give you money to get what u want
Instead of getting filled with anger and jumping the gun on quiting a relationship like some are suggesting, I would really like to suggest to you to come up with a different routine together. Put all that dedication of anger and being mad and flip it into motivation to get on a good track. You’re going to get mad at your partner sometimes or have these feelings that he isn’t doing enough but if you can start on it and show you are putting in your all on a change then maybe he will too. It’s worth a try. If he doesn’t want to try putting in a routine that is healthier than maybe decide from there what you should do… working and being a parent is hard so give eachother a break it won’t ever be perfect but you are a team and just need alittle coaching you got this!