I believe its a matter of overreacting she had a good time with both the girl an the boy today it only seems right they want extend the fun with all of them included if your not comfortable with a boy staying do a slumber party in your front room an sleep in there with them…
A simple “no” probably would’ve been enough. This is a good way to create a sneaky child though if that’s what you’re going for🤷🏻♀️
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You grounded her for ASKING YOU A QUESTION?! like wtf? You definitely over reacted. You could have just said No. Your job is to guide her through life and show her right from wrong. I bet if you over react over questions she is just going to stop asking you things. That won’t be good for many reasons.
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I agree with you, but at this point don’t sent any more messages. Wait til she gets home. If she calls, tell her you will talk when she gets home.
Absolutely overreacting and being unreasonable. And to ground her and not allow her other friend over? For what? Asking a question? That’s harsh. You are going to create a divide that I can guarantee you aren’t ready for if you make her feel like she can’t come to you without getting in trouble. She did nothing wrong by asking you. They could easily be supervised and not even sleep in the same room.
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We had a friend that was a boy when we were growing up. My dad let him come over and stay the night all the time. Nothing happened ever, not one time. Me and that boy went to summer camp and everything together every year. We were just friends.
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I do feel you overreacted to her asking. And punishing her for just asking is going down a slippery path where she won’t ask or be open with you about things in future. They are just kids and it’s up to you to set example of how she should handle friendships with the opposite sex. I would have allowed him to spend the night and when it came to bedtime I would have given him the couch or another bedroom or a pullout in the basement etc
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You told your 12 yo daughter you’re disappointed in her for even considering something that she might not have even thought of in that context…
Yes. That was an overreact. Sometimes having a conversation about the matter first is helpful.
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Why don’t they all sleep in the living room including you
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You are definitely overreacting…
She simply asked if a male freind could stay the night a simple no I don’t think that’s a good idea would have been fine then explained why , instead you have turned it into a massive drama that’s not needed…
You have punished her twice by not letting her other friend stay and grounding her for being open and now could be affaird to come to you could cause her to sneek around behind your back abit later in her teens
Wow. I don’t think your doing parenting right. Your making it into something sexual… I think she will probably grow up to resent you and probably have sex earlier now that your grounding her for asking a question. Being safe is one thing… A simple “no your too old to sleep in a room with boys” would have sufficed
Um any alone time things can happen!!!
BUT you just showed your daughter she can’t ask/or come to you for things because she’s always gonna be in trouble.
Now with that said maybe she really was just innocently thinking “hey wonder if both my friends can stay” she probably wasn’t thinking the way you are. But nows your chance to have the talk and go from there.
But also own up to your over reacting and apologize.
You over reacted you could have just said no to the boy if you were that uncomfortable with it and then had a conversation with your daughter the next day after her other friend left as to why you were uncomfortable. Your daughter will stop coming to you if you continue to act like that. Start sleeping over at friends houses instead and doing everything she can to not be home
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I wouldn’t let the boy stay the night, but I think grounding her for asking is a bit extreme. And in my opinion over reacting like that is just going to make her afraid to ask you things going forward.
Wow complete overreaction to a simple question. A better question is why did it freak you out so much? You are flipping out over something you could’ve handled so simply by just saying no you don’t allow boys to spend the night. Which would’ve been fine. It’s your house but you’ve made it into a huge deal like it was going to turn into a damn orgy. She had a great day with her two friends and innocently asked for it not to end. There’s no way I’d back you up on your reaction to her asking that.
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Overreacting
Have them all stay in front room with you on the couch or something
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Although I agree with telling her no to having a boy stay over, I disagree with how you handled it. It sounds like you took it too far, and honestly I’d apologize to her. A simple “no” would have sufficed.
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You telling her you’re disappointed she would even ask is overreacting. I hope she’ll be able to talk to you about boys after this.
I say overreacting on the grounding part. I’m sorry that some may not like this but there are younger kids nowadays thinking about sex and having it. Instead of grounding her, say you want to discuss why you reacted that way and explain why you don’t want him there. Many have grown up with rules about not letting a boy spend the night and vice versa. It’s better to explain yourself than to have her be angry at you. It can cause her to keep to herself and not want to trust you.
It’s been said enough times, but a simple “no he cannot stay” would have sufficed without the guilt trip.
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I applaud your daughter for coming to you and asking. Now that you have treated her this way even through she respectfully asked instead of sneaking a boy into her window, she may just start doing things behind your back 
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I wouldnt let the boy stay the night over either. That being said, you are completely overreacting toward your daughter. How are kids supposed to know if they dont ask questions. If you dont want them to ask then you set FIRM rules BEFORE a situation like that ever arises. But the girl friend spending the night is fine. you shouldnt have told your daughter she could, and then she couldnt. IMO shes 12 years old, you just started the teenage rebellion years even faster. I think mom is the one who needs grounded here…
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Really over reacting , and she doesnt understand why she is in trouble, lost trust with her and now she will start to think any decision she makes is wrong and will get her in trouble.
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Agree mom, but maybe go half…
Ask the other moms how they feel if he stayed and he can be in a sperate room. Also do you know if you daughter likes girls or boys? That is another ball game…
But this is a hard age, and he is not her boyfriend and you don’t want to lose her
I think it’s ok but I had few good friends that were boys just have them sleep in sleeping bags in the livingroom
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I mean we used to to boy/girl sleep overs but it had to be on pallets in the livingroom and everybody’s parents had to be ok with it the second a boundary was crossed the one who crossed it was banned or grounded. I do think maybe you should have gone with a more 2 sided approach and said not this time but then talked to her and explained why your not comfortable with it instead of just shutting her down and ruining the evening for her and the other girl, all she did was ask which left it open for you to say no
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I think slight overreaction here, you could alow him to sleep on the couch, you could join the girls and sleep in the room with them. But I dont think they were thinking about sex. But you do need to explain that is why you said no.
I would say saying no and explaining why is one thing punishing your child is a whole nother. For asking acting upon that is another story.
I want my daughter to be able to come home n be comfortable n ask questions n know my reasoning behind my decisions
I wouldn’t have grounded her… shes being open and honest with u and asking. She didn’t do anything wrong. By punishing her u could start making her feel like she can’t come to u with stuff… u may want to rethink the way you handled this. Would u rather her not ask, sneak behind ur back or plan out bot talk to u about future things? Being open with ur kids is best or they will shut u out completely
I had boys spend the night many times growing up. They would sleep in the living room. I’ve don’t the same for girls. Friends are not gender pacific and I know for my self and my youngest our closest friends are/were male. Not all boy/girl friendships are sexual. Shes 12. Probably not even thinking of the sexual part of this but she just wants to continue to hang out with her friend. Don’t make it out to be more then it probably is
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You’ve overreacted. Now she’s just going to hide behind your back because of the way you’ve reacted this time.
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I think at her age she might not see anything wrong with it. I would of let him stay but his sleeping quarters would be separate.
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Definitely overreacted, over a simple question… no need to ground her, or not allow her girlfriend to stay the night.
I really think you messed u po because now she wont feel comfortable going to you to ask for anything.
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Okay all you people who said she’s over reacting can stfu. No momma your not over reacting your doing what you think is right and there’s nothing wrong with that. To every one else she didn’t ground her because she asked her mom a question. she grounded her because of her attitude when mom said no if she would have just said okay mom im sure things wouldn’t have ended the way they did.
She won’t ask you anything with out fearing a over reaction now. Way to go. She probably don’t think of it how you do. She’s 12 she just sees ask if friends can stay over. You could of explained why no and the difference in asking if a girl can stay over and a boy. Or you could have him sleep in the front room or diffrent room. When I was a teenager my best friend was a boy and he would stay over and we would watch movies all night and sleep on the couches. We never thought of each other more then friends and like siblings.
You’ve created a rift with your daughter. She may not be looking at the situation sexually, like you are. She sees her 2 friends wanting a sleep over. Maybe talk to her about your fears and WHY, instead of assuming your child can read your mind.
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My girls are grown. I would have just said no and explained why. If they were true just friends I probably would have agreed in the living room but not room. Grounding is way over board freaking out is way over board. Now she won’t come to you for other things….
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Wow. That’s a bit much. Is this boy a friend? A crush? I had several sleepovers with boys who were friends around that age. We stayed up watching movies and eating pizza. I slept in my room and they slept on the couch.
Definitely overreacting.
You seem to be assuming they want to have the sleep over specifically to behave in some sort of sexual way, in her bedroom, all three of them together, while you’re also home? That’s a bold assumption about a group of 12 year olds.
Also, there’s no reason he couldn’t stay over but sleep in a different room than the girls. Even on the couch in the living room, perhaps? What has your daughter done, specifically, that makes you so untrusting of her choice in friends and why is your automatic assumption that she’s definitely going to be doing something “inappropriate” with her friends?
Sounds like YOU have a lot of issues that maybe you need therapy for?
You think she’s a disappointment for wanting to have both a female and a male friend spend the night at 12 years old? She’s probably feeling disappointed in you for having an uncalled for fit over absolutely nothing. Imagine that. Imagine being 12 and having your own mother flip the hell out on you for wanting to have a sleepover with your friends because she automatically assumes and views you and your friends as some kind of sexual deviants at 12. Unreal.
How is she deserving of punishment just for asking? Sounds like you’re punishing her for you own, misguided feelings and beliefs.
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My granddaughter had sleepovers at that age as well. Very innocent. Sometimes 2-4 Sometimes only her and her male friend. We set up the living room with pallets. They could get snacks and drinks from kitchen. They watched movies. I was in and out every now and then. There was never a problem. I can certainly see where it could be though. I’m not naive.
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You are over reacting and doubt she will ever come to you with anything
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So you are basically telling your kid you can’t ever trust a male even if he’s a close friend? While (to you) your intentions are good and her choice is obviously wrong, I think you are sending the wrong message. Just my opinion.
Oh… And you are TOTALLY overreacting.
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I wouldn’t ground her over it but I totally wouldn’t let the boy stay overnight. You did over react though I think & should’ve handled it differently.
Also if you can trust a group of 12 yr olds “in the city” alone but can’t trust them in your own house while you’re probably within hearing distance then you should reexamine a few things
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Yikes. You could’ve handled that situation VERY differently.
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Not in the same room… but I have boys and a girl. So I can’t say no to boys or girls. Stay up and keep an eye on them make him sleep on the couch
Your daughter wants her friends to spend the night, who cares if their boys or girls! I would just not have them sleep in her room, maybe the family room instead.
I feel sorry for your daughter, based on your reaction to this she will just end up sneaking around when she’s older.
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Growing up, my best friend was a boy. We had sleepovers. Its not always sexually motivated. I would talk to her about boundaries and have him sleep on the couch once they’re ready for bed. But I do think next time you should talk to her before making these split decisions. She doesn’t understand where you are coming from most likely. Try more effective communication and I statements. “I feel concerned and uneasy about having a boy sleepover with you both.” And go from there. Don’t place blame or feel “disappointed”, because you do not even understand her point of view yet. She is her own person with her own feelings. Don’t make her feel like its not okay for her to feel a certain way, just explain your concerns. Be the role model for healthy open conversations. Or you will not be her “go to” person for tough decisions as she continues to grow up.
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Wow… I think you went over board. A simple “no That isn’t appropriate” or something would’ve been fine. You didn’t have to cancel the girl sleeping over, over a dang question. You did the most there. She’s 12… I’m sure she just wanted the two to stay because she spent the day with both of them.
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I feel like things with children are sexualized WAY TOO MUCH. Honestly if she’s asking if a boy can stay the night as a sleepover with a group of friends it’s probably harmless. You can always monitor what goes on in your home. You can’t monitor what goes on outside your home.
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Too far on your part in my opinion the way you reacted would make me if I was your daughter pull back from you and go around your back I get the no sleeping in same room but a friend you can have sleep in the living room or something but to each there own you do you
The part that gets me is that you said “how disappointed” you are. Those words go deep.
I’ve got three daughters, 7, 10 and 11. And I want them to come to me about EVERYTHING. No question too big too small. They will never disappoint me. Especially by asking a simple yes or no question.
If my oldest daughter was to ask me, I probably would’ve have said sure. Why? Because I trust my daughter, and why do I trust her, because I’ve made our space guilt free, safe and shame free and she has a level of maturity because of it.
I wouldn’t let them sleep all alone in one room. I think the living room would’ve been okay. I don’t helicopter parent, but I always know what my kids are up to. It’s a tedious task, but that’s parenting.
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Sounds exactly like overreacting to me. Grounded bc she asked you a question?? There’s so many other ways to talk about it. Your child will not come to you in the future. You did it to yourself.
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Sylvia Paz LMFAO better read cuz this sounds like it’s gna be you 
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My first thought is either the boys gay or she is still innocent and would be doing nothing wrong so she didnt see anything wrong with it…
Over reacting for sure. Now your daughter will be afraid to ask you for things and may sneak behind your back
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Completely unreasonable, way over reaction. You can say no and explain. To yell and ground her for asking is a great way for her to now do things behind your back rather than even bother asking you anything.
- if you think the boy is unsafe to sleep near your daughter, why is she allowed around him?
2). She shouldn’t be punished for asking a simple question. - all you had to say was “I don’t think I’m comfortable with that, I’m sorry. “
- no one said they had to sleep in the SAME room. Couch. Random floor.
You likely just made your kid afraid to ask for permission again for anything because now she will associate asking with getting in trouble.
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…so if your daughter per-say was a lesbian…she could have him over but not a female and vise versa? I mean just saying.
Do you have male friends? When you were younger were you thinking about having sex at 12 with your friends that were boys??
I dont think you should ever punish your child for asking a question. In the future you should want her to come to you and tell/ask you anything, whether the answer is yes or no. You simply could of told her no & explained why. Im not at all understanding the concept of getting so angry that she asked. Maybe she didnt think about the worries you are, shes still a kid. Parents that shame their kids for things like that end up with kids that just learn how to hide things from them better. My answer would be no, id make the boundaries clear & known, but i wouldnt punish her for asking.
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Well… Think of it like this. Is he a boy who is like one of the girls? If so then maybe you are overreacting?
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You are not unreasonable. Stick to your guns. Your kid will get over it.
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I just need to know why she’s grounded?! She’s 12…and asked a simple yes or no question. Seems a tad over board to me…
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What about siblings of opposite sexes having friends stay?
Do you not allow your son to have his friends sleep over because you have girls. Vice versa
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Overreacted. I would have just said no to spending the night but he could hang out and you could run him home later. They just want to keep the fun day going. Why is she being grounded?
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I can tell you no one is going to back you up for the way you reacted. Why get mad for such an innocent question from your daughter? I mean yea no to the boy staying the night. That’s understandable but the overreaction is not. There is absolutely no reason she needed to be punished for it and you are going to lose any kind of openness from your daughter.
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This type of reaction is exactly why kids don’t feel comfortable talking to their parents. A simple no, I’m not comfortable with a boy staying over would have been enough.
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Definitely over reacting. If they can go into the city by themselves then why him staying over a big deal? Have them stay in the living room and you sleep on the couch a watch them.
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Wow. Way to sexualize their friendship.
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I find it frustrating you are sexualizing your daughters friendship with a boy. How is she supposed to have an understanding of why you feel it is wrong if you have not even had a discussion with her about why you are worried in the first place? To her- he is just as much her friend as the girl is. YOU are sexualizing her friendship with this boy, teaching her that you can’t be platonic with friends of the opposite sex. Has she even figured out her sexual orientation at this age? On top of her not understanding what the issue is, you flip out, overreact by grounding her and taking away the other sleep over? I see zero problem with all three kids camping out in the living room where you can keep an eye on them if you don’t trust them. You also are breaking any foundation you have with your daughter when it comes to speaking or confiding in you about anything. This will be the first thing she remembers, and most likely hide things from you or go behind your back because you set this precedent.
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You 100% have overreacted! It is also not fair on your daughters friend or her mother. I would apologize to your daughter, her friend and the friends mom. It was a simple question.
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12? My daughter is 11 for the last 2 years she had a birthday sleepover with her cheer friends one is a boy. They were well supervised and it was all innocent
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The way you responded is how you felt. I don’t know how I would respond. I know we live in a different time period. i wouldn’t feel the most comfortable having a boy sleep over either even if they were just friends. I would want to know both kids first. I would let her have the girl spend the night. The boy could stay until 11 pm ish abd see how it goes.
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Umm. Yikes. Friends are friends and if you have any faith/trust in your daughter and your parenting then it shouldn’t be a problem. Sleeping over doesn’t mean they have to sleep in the same bed let alone the same room there can be boundaries and a plan in place. Between my best friend and I we have 11 kids ranging from 6-17 both sexes and they have sleep overs . My 15 year old son goes camping with his girlfriend and their family. There are other ways to handle this question besides over reacting to your daughter, she will be less likely to keep you in the loop and trust you with things if she feels you will resort to grounding her over something like this.
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My friend’s sons are 11 and 13 and they like to spend the night, my girls are 10 and 13, they all sleep in the living room. They’re just friends and I trust them to know what’s appropriate.
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I would not let it happen… but I do feel like you over reacted by what you said to her and grounding her… A simple “No” and A calm explanation of why you said No would have sufficed… If you completely flip on her and ground her for simply asking to have a boy sleep over for what seems like the first time, she’s never going to want to come to you about anything… which going into her teen years is NOT the precedent that you want to set right now… You definitely overreacted… you need to apologize for reacting the way you did and unground that child and let her girlfriend sleep over… Calmly explain to her why you reacted the way you did and why it’s a bad idea for a boy to sleep over… you’re going to ruin your Mother daughter bond and she won’t come to you with ANY issues in the future…
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Definitely poorly reacted. I thought saying the girl not being able to stay anymore was too far but grounding was WAY too far. She’s 12. Although this generation is way different than mine, when I was 12 I didn’t know what any of that was. While she may know what you are insinuating, she probably wasn’t thinking that way. She just wanted to have a sleepover with her friends. You could’ve just said no, not this time.
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I believe that you are over reaction is crazy. She has friends with males and females. Maybe I would suggest talk to her calm like and see what her intentions with the boy is it just friends or relationship wise.
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That isn’t something to ground her over. Just tell her no,it’s not a good idea&it will never be a good idea. But you are being unreasonable
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What is wrong with you omg!! She’s never going to ask you anything or feel comfortable talking to you again with that reaction!!! My parents let my guy friends stay over all throughout school, they just slept in a separate room. Hope you apologize to her and correct your toxic behavior.
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I don’t think it’s that big of a deal if you make it sexual it will be sexual. You can make rules and trust your daughter. They can’t be in the room with the door closed. Or in the room at all for that matter. The boy can sleep on the couch. It’s about trusting your kid. If you don’t allow it they will sneak it. She obviously felt comfortable enough to ask you which is huge. Don’t get her in trouble. If you say no, just explain to her why. And that’s that.
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Overboard. Have him stay in another room of all of them stay in the family room so you can monitor if you’re that worried.
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You went to far and you mom need to stop sexualizing these kids. I had sleepovers with boys and NEVER did anything sexual with this. Kids need to have friends of both sexes stop making their friendship sexual
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I’d say you’re definitely overreacting. If you don’t want to allow children of the opposite sex to stay over that’s your decision but it seems pretty ridiculous to be mad and grounding your child for asking. You’re just setting her up to not want to talk to you about things in the future.
My 8 year old girl has always had lots of boys as friends as well as girls. There have been times she’s asked a boy to spend the night just like her girl friends do. But at an early age I explained boys don’t spend the night with girls. So as the years go by, she realizes there’s boundaries there. My personal opinion, these conversations are not quite so bad when you start explaining things when they’re young, in simple terms for their age of course.
Just sit down an explain to her. It’s a great time to discuss changes in their bodies at this age. And thoughts change. And of course safety and respect. Just personal opinions 
She did ask … like to keep communication lines open when they don’t ask you then you should be more worried.This age is very hard their friends means so much to them.
Not up to anyone else to sit in judgement of you. You do what you think is right and set
Your boundaries now.
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Your feelings on the matter are definitely valid but maybe instead of being mad and grounding her for simply asking maybe just tell her why you aren’t okay with that… you can’t blame her for ASKING.
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I definitely think you over reacted. I would not punish her for asking a question, that’s how you run into problems later on. She’s probably asking very innocently and not understanding why there’s more to it that she should realize…until you have a conversation with her about it. I absolutely would not ground her for that. This situation is easily fixable with an easy conversation.
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You over reacted and sound ridiculous
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Hell no! A big no from me
Wow really over reacting a simple no would have been fine but telling you daughter you are disappointed in her 
poor girl
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You did the right thing. Today is a different time and kids are more mature than we give them credit for. She will get over it in time.
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She’s grounded for that!??? Wow.
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I honestly feel it should have been a conversation about your concerns etc. It seems she may be ignorant to why having a boy sleep over is an issue. If there is zero romantic feelings she really wouldn’t understand you apprehension. To each their own but I think a simple “no” explaining why would suffice. She was forthcoming and asked rather than sneaking him in after you went to sleep🤷♀️ also best probably to have not had the conversation via text message either. I think grounding her is excessive and banning her girl friend from sleeping over as well was overkill. You want your daughter to feel like she can come to you and be open with you. This overreaction could prevent her from feeling like that is an option in the future. Could you have compromised in some way? He could have stayed until a certain time and then you took him home? Just my point of view😊
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As a mom of a teenage boy I will be extremely disappointed it just happened to him teach your children right for wrong , if you are concerned sleep with one eye open I can leave the door open or even have the young man sleep on the couch but don’t ground her for asking a simple question…
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You are overreacting.
While I wouldn’t let him stay either, I would have simply told her no he cannot. & then discuss with her later that you are not comfortable with boys spending the night at this time & thank her for at least asking first. She probably doesn’t understand why you are so upset. You are punishing her for asking you a question, do you not see where YOU are wrong in this? This is how you push your child to not want to come to you for anything.
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Girls can do stuff too, js 
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I think she grounded her daughter because of the way her daughter overreacted when she was told no. Not because she asked the question. I do agree that a boy shouldn’t sleep over, even if other parents say otherwise. Your house, your rules. But also if he were to stay over, he should stay in a separate rooms and definitely not in her room. 12 year old boys think differently than 12 year old girls.
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At least she wasn’t sneaking him in through her bedroom window- which next time she probably will do now, as you have punished her for asking you a question. Could have definitely been handled much better, Youre so disappointed in her for asking a question?
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You should have told her that it something that needs to be talked about in person and you shouldn’t have talked so down to her for just asking a question. I have a six year old daughter and a nine year old step daughter, so I’m not at the point of sleep overs and going to friends houses for sleep overs yet. However I was a 12 year old girl and my mother talked to me just as you talked to your daughter, except to my face cause cell phones weren’t big then. My mother always told me no about everything I asked her and got mad leading me to doing things behind her back cause I was always afraid of asking her. Now I don’t know how I fully feel about having a boy spend the night however you can’t put her down and ground her for asking you a simple question. Talk to her and let her know why you don’t want a boy to spend the night. Tell her how you feel without making her feel bad.
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