I need to know if I am overreacting or not…so my best friend and i have been friends for 11 years…we met in middle school…it is about my be my childs second birthday and she cannot make it to the party…its not even for two more months but she literally said " I have to work that day" when she doesnt even have her schedule yet and she can easily take time off work that far in advance…now before you form an opinion, i go to alllll of her kids get togethers…every recital, school event, birthday party…i never miss anything! i am always avaialblke…i just feel like she is being rude by missing my childs party and i feel like our friendship is going to end because of this
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Taking time off work isn’t something everyone can do. Sorry but not everyone is going to want to come to a toddlers birthday party.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I overreacting about my friend not coming to my childs birthday?
Maybe she has used all her days to call off? Maybe you can talk to her and explain how you feel
Yeah, you’re overreacting. Some people just don’t like kid parties. Too loud and crazy. Live with it 
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Does she work specific days? When I worked I worked specific days and always had the same days off so might be how she knows she works
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Before you judge her, my best friend didn’t come to my first child’s first birthday. She was suppose to but didn’t make it. She was in a mentally state that she couldn’t make it. We have to understand the situation behind it before judging.
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If she’s a real friend just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Friends have disagreements and can still be friends 
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You definitely are. There’s always going to be another birthday party. 
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You are overreacting. Cause Do you know her financial status maybe if she misses work that day she won’t meet bills it’s tough out there right now, I know if my family misses even a single day right now we won’t even make ends meet like literally one day off work means we could lose our place to stay or our car we would have to choose. Or maybe sit and talk to her about it and see what she says, you never know unless you communicate with that person
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I know my work schedule for the next year it will be the same from now to then… Also i have no sick days left until we can regain them again and all my vacay days are scheduled so I believe she’s telling the truth
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Just because you wanna go to her kids functions doesn’t mean she’s gonna wanna go to yours
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I think it’s rude of her. I’d tell her that it hurt you feelings since you’re a always there for her and her kids and ask her why she didn’t try to takeoff work. 
Grow up!!! Sounds like your a “kid” having kids 
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Kids birthdays are for kids and family
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That’s overreacting. Unfortunately as adults, we have to pick and choose time off really. Maybe she just can’t afford to.
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What’s her situation? Is she a single mom? Is she the only provider? My bestfriend would never get mad at me over a birthday party. She would be understanding of my situation and I’d probably bring her child’s gift over with a small cake the next time i’m off.
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Honestly I would be hurt but i would also be understanding She should have stopped by for a few min before or after though
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All I’m saying is there is party people and kid people.
I have grown apart from all my non parent friends because they dont understand
Their mind set is completely different
Shoot even some parents aren’t even kid friendly sadly
It hard to find family loving friends
I don’t feel you’re overreacting, it could be a one-off situation but I’d start looking for other clues and then talk to her about it.
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I feel like you’re overreacting. Is it just the birthday or does she miss other things too? Is he going to remember this birthday? If she has to work, she has to work. Yes should could take time off of work as you said but that requires her to miss a day of pay. I don’t know how her finances are set up but I require all of my money to make it. If you let this hurt your feelings, especially to the point of losing your friendship over it, you’re a bad friend.
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I would not take off work to go to a child’s 2nd birthday party. I would visit on a day I was off, to bring their gift and hang out. If it was a baptism or graduation or a big milestone - that’s a different story.
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I feel like it’s not a biggie.
Instead of getting upset, make time for you, her, your kid and hers. Have a small get together, a play date at a playground or an amusement park.
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Most adults don’t like kids parties, it’s just not for them. This is about your kid so why does she need to go? I have had my BFF for 19 years n he didn’t show up to my sons 2nd birthday last wknd. No big deal. People are busy. I Definitely think you’re overreacting
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No offense but we have bills to pay.
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You’re being over dramatic. You feel an 11yr friendship ending over someone not attending a child’s second bday party?! Wooowwwwww.
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I think you’re over reacting. My work schedule is made out 6 wks at a time and I know from now until next year what weekends I work and where I work usually taking off a weekend day you’re scheduled to work is not an option.
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Just stop going to her kids’ parties…simple. I have the same issue with people stopping coming to my kids’ parties. Now i dont go to theirs or send anything.
You are overreacting. People are allowed to have days they work and aren’t obligated to take them off for your kids’ events. I work only when I can. If I didn’t work on one of the few days I have available to work, that would be a bill my family couldn’t pay. Her response, to me, sounds like you do this often.
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I do not think you’re overreacting. I would feel some kind of way too. There may be a reason so if you feel comfortable ask. It’s not good to assume. I understand that you are making the effort by being there for kids and their special events and bdays so I get why you are hurt because you feel she is not doing the same.
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Wow is all I can say.
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Depends what she does for a living. My friend is the only provider in a small rural
Hospital and days off have to be arranged months in advance.
Or maybe she’s saving her days off for a family vacation etc.
Yes, you are overreacting.
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I would probably ask what the real reason is 1st and ask her to be honest.
People have reasons for why the do what they do sometimes (uncomfortable bc of someone doing/saying things, not having money for a gift, etc)
If there is no real reason, than I could understand you feeling the way you do.
You are over reacting
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I love my best friend and her children but I don’t do birthday parties. I have terrible social anxiety even with people I’ve known for years. And honestly I don’t even do “birthday parties” for my own children because of this. We have family birthday fun where we go out and do stuff for birthdays.
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I look at it when I invite those to mine unless there’s a reason they don’t go or don’t get my child anything for their birthday party I do the same in return. As far as other events it’s your own choice and could care less if my friend came to mine or not.
I can understand feeling let down, I probably would too, but I’d tell myself that I’m overacting and that it’s my issue and not hers.
It’s weird to me that she’s got 2 months advance and is pulling the work excuse. She’s got so much advance notice that most jobs wouldn’t even let her ask for that day off yet, because it’s too far out. She could totally ask for that day off or ask someone to switch shifts if that’s something her job can do. She feels some type of way about you and isn’t saying something, and that’s not best friend behavior. Best friends treat their relationship like a relationship and they communicate when things aren’t feeling right. Tbh I’d nicely call her out on it. If there’s a reason that has nothing to do with you fine, but best friends still communicate that. This is an obvious fake excuse. I mean if it’s as simple as she doesn’t have time off then why not say that? That’s still a lack of communication and needs to be addressed.
If your friendship is going to end over this…did you even have a friendship to begin with?
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I understand why you would fee hurt and upset. However maybe she only has to many paid time off hours and is saving it incase she really needs it. Maybe it’s not that easy to request time off with her job. Does she have kiddos herself? How long has she been with her job?
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That far of a warning I do find it weird she didn’t take off but she may need the money
I haven’t been to any of my nieces n nephews birthday parties. I also live 11 hrs away from them. Me, however, missing their party doesn’t mean I love them any less. As parents sometimes is hectic as hell. We adults get busy occasionally and can’t make it to things.
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Plan the party around her schedule if you really want her there. Maybe she has anxiety or financial issues she doesn’t want to share with you. To be honest though I don’t even take my kids birthdays off.
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I think your overreacting. It’s only a birthday party and everyone gets busy. I’m sure she can see the child any time before or after the day of the party and it’s definitely not worth ruining a friendship.
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Grow up! People have their own lives and responsibilities. And you sound selfish ! Js
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Your feelings are hurt and that is okay! ReCh out and tell her your concerns. Then pull back from her kids. You are not obligated.
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I wouldn’t be mad. Nor do I expect friends to be mad if I have to work to pay the bills or end up being ill or any other reason. Its always doable to make up for lost time when you can.
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If her job requires her to work every Thursday…for example. And the party is on a Thursday. Then she’s working on that day. Some businesses have different requirements. Talk with her and try to figure something out.
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If this ends your friendship, then it wasn’t a very strong one.
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You’re not overreacting… people always find time for what’s important to them. If she really has to work that’s acceptable but she could have said on my day off I’ll come over to spend it with you & your son. I’d take mental note & see if it happens twice.
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You are overreacting
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Not every job is easy to take a day off especially if she’s accumulating her hours. If anything maybe suggest to her letting her kids stay for the party & she pick them up later that night or next morning. If she’s a real friend I don’t think she’d purposely miss your kids birthday. Or maybe there’s a deeper issue she’s not telling you.
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Overreacting. Ending a friendship over this is extreme. She can see the child anytime.
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Definitely not worth losing a friend over, I have friends that works and some times can’t make it to things but I also understand some of them live paycheck to paycheck and they can’t afford to miss a day of pay!
Plan something with your child, her and her children on a day off… do something fun and special for your little one with your bestfriend and her babies,
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over reacting. thats her income she may need it.
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Tell her just like you feel. That you make time for her & etc. If she is already making excuses then how important is she as a caring friend. Listen good & pick up on her voice!! Two months away noooo excuses if she values you!! Things happen for a reason so now is the time to find out who real!! Sorry, truth hurts but God moves ppl out of your life for unknown reasons. If she still insist on she’s working then tell her ok & sorry your friendship isn’t what you thought it was. That you want bother her anymore hang up. #Truthhurts 
Calling off from work for a two year old birthday seems goo much. Chill out everyone has their own lives. It’s not personal its practical.
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Girl please move on , it’s about your child not your BFF enjoy the party with whom ever comes
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You are overreacting. Some effort would have been nice but that shouldn’t end a friendship
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Ask her what days she’s off work and change the party to one of those days since it’s two months away, if it’s that big of a deal whether she makes it or not.
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Have you told her how it makes you feel? I mean I’ll be real. I have cancelled on things like that because something has come up, or I had too much going on. I get that you go to all of her kids events or what not but to end a friendship of 11 years because she’s not coming to your child’s second birthday is actually really childish. No matter how close I am to someone, I won’t take time off of work and use personal time for a kids birthday party. You should really talk your friend and see the reason why. BUT at the same time, if you are willing to throw away a friendship of 11 years because of this then you aren’t really a true friend.
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Unless you’re going to pay her bills, she doesn’t need to cater to your personal schedule.
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My brother never comes to my kids parties 
you’ll survive like I did . Don’t be as available anymore . Maybe she doesn’t want to miss work she needs the money Or has other things to take time off work
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2nd birthdays aren’t that big of a deal. I know you may feel a way because you’re present for all hers but there may be a difference in financial load that is not being discussed
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This is the real adult life girl…schedule the party on a day she doesnt work …she will show…i would hate to have a friend ready to cut me off …the min i couldnt hold up to your standards …btw …when i work my schedule is booked for the month …and i only have so many callouts a yr …btw just bc her commitments arent on your same level …does not mean she is not commited to yall
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You go to all of those things because you want to because that’s who you are. You cannot expect you from others.
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Grow up. I knew in advance when I would be working because of my set schedule. If it was a weekend I was scheduled to work, there is no requesting it off and it being accepted. If this friendship ends, it’s from your end.
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I learned a long time ago that people don’t always reciprocate equally. I keep my circle very small because of nonsense like this.
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Girl yeah don’t go to anymore of her kids events. Fuck that. I’ve had friends like that. We ain’t friends anymore.
I went to all her events and she went to like one or two of mine….at MOST! Fuck that. Fuck one way friendships. Nope.
Just because you do, doesn’t mean she is required to also… Never be present or do a favor for someone on the basis that they should to. That makes your motives selfish and based on your own desires long-term.
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Money over a bday party I’ll take money if I need it and times are rough now so.
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You’re overreacting. Unless you can give her a days pay to come to the party you need to be more understanding. The world doesn’t revolve around you.
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Some Only Attend What They Must …
I understand your point. It would piss me off too but I wouldn’t let it ruin the friendship
Since COVID some peoples bosses will hold their jobs over workers heads. I know someone in my family whose does. If he don’t have proof he’s asking for a day off for medical appointments or jury duty they won’t give him it and legit will make threats on firing him. And she unfortunately could be in the same situation. Some also can’t afford to miss that pay. Those 6-10 hours of pay can make a huge difference and set
People back for months playing catch up on bills etc.
I get your frustrations and you are allowed to feel upset! I too try to be like you when it comes to my “bonus children” as I call them! 
But I’m also that friend that will say I’m coming then back out the day of because of my anxiety being extremely bad that day. Some days are good, but there are bad days too. I can go a week without talking to my best friend however she understands it’s not personal, it’s just my mental health flaring up.
Advice: Reach out and talk about things. Explain how it makes you feel and make sure you tell her it may not have been intended, but this is how you feel (if she’s a true best friend, she will listen without getting offended, she may get upset but she also has that right as it’s how she feels and she’s also allowed to feel that way)
Communication in ANY relationship is a major factor in the success of that relationship. Just be open and honest with each other! 
So I went through the same thing and it really hurt. I was always available but she wasn’t. When it comes to the kids, you’ll always be protective and take things to heart. Hopefully the relationship doesn’t end over it. Maybe she will come over on a separate day with cake and presents, you never know! (And it will mean even more because it’s intimate)
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You’re overreacting. However, if you’re the kind of person to end a decade long bff relationship over this, she is better off without you
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You are most definitely overreacting. People have lives and just because you go to all of her kids events doesn’t mean that she’s obligated to do the same for yours. Maybe she doesn’t like going to parties for kids. That’s not being rude! Not everyone does unless it’s for their own kid, which is very different. And the fact that you’re willing to end an 11 year friendship over this shows that you truly don’t value your friendship. Your friendship isn’t based on whether or not she attends a birthday party. Either talk to her about it or let it go! You’re kid will only be 2. There will be many more birthday parties. Chill🤦🏻♀️
You’re over reacting
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Yes, you are overreacting. People are going to miss events. You don’t know every detail of her work schedule. How do you know it isn’t inventory? An all hands meeting they said is a date unavailable for any requests?
Get over yourself
Unless I’m off, I’m not going to go to a friend’s kids birthday party. I’m not going to put in a request to have it off. I am not going to use my personal time. I have my own kids and my own life. I may need those personal days later… My closest friends and I talk about our schedules before planning stuff so that we can ensure that we can be present. But if I have to miss an event, or if my friends have to miss my kids events it’s never a big deal.
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If you are always available, I’ll assume you don’t work. She does, so why are you mad that making money is more important to her than a kids party? Just because you have nothing better to do then attend every event…doesn’t mean she owes you the same back
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You’re being ridiculous. People have lives and jobs outside of your child’s birthday. Stuff happens. If YOU were any type of friend, this wouldn’t be an issue. My bestie goes to things when she can, and the same with me. You’re being very petty and childish.
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Overthinking 110%. My best friend isn’t able to come to all my stuff and visversa. And sometimes the excuse is just so simple that we are exhusted that and would rather just be home. We both have a lot going on and understand each other. Then we just hang out together a different day.
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If your friendship ends because of something like this, you’re petty and were never a true friend to begin with. It’s a toddler’s birthday party - she didn’t sleep with your husband. Get your priorities straight.
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My best friend hasn’t been to a single one of my kids parties. We’ve been friends 25 years. That doesn’t make her any less of my friend.
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What’s her job?
When I was in the military I missed birthdays, weddings, funerals, etc.
Not all jobs allow you to just takes time off. Some require a certain time frame of notice, unless it’s an emergency.
Maybe talk to her, like an adult, instead of using bad behavior & just walking away. 
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I’m sorry. But I think you’re overreacting. Do you know her finances? Missing a day of pay can make or break a person. Especially with rent, food and gas prices skyrocketing. I understand your hurt, but she may be financially struggling and can’t afford to miss work. There can be many factors for why she can’t go.
What if she absolutely needs the days she has left? Just talk to her about it. But I wouldn’t dump her friendship over a birthday party, sounds a little petty.
Let it go…. Some adults can not handle childrens parties
I think your right. If I show up for yours you should show up for mine. Moving forward make sure her kids events are not too priority to you.
You’re over reacting … maybe she needs to save her days off . Maybe she has other plans or is trying to make plans. You can’t guilt her into going Bc you go to ALL of her kids stuff. That’s not how friendships work
You are taking things waaaay out of proportion! This is not a problem! Honestly…
We can be invited to all the gatherings. At the end of the day, we have our own lives to live. It’s not like our lives REVOLVE around you. The people who throw a hissy feet simply because we didn’t attend their party are too entitled people.
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There’s no way I’d take time of work for a child’s party 
even my own child’s gets booked around work
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Talk to her and let her know. Maybe she just doesn’t want to go. It hurts but it’s valid