Am I overreacting? I just had a little boy that’s now 9 weeks old. Myself, my son and my partner (let’s call him Henry) recently moved in with his parents. About a week after moving in, I came across an article about thirdhand smoke exposure in babies and toddlers (it’s really scary to me as a first time mom and something I never knew about) that can harm them and cause cancer, asthma, changes in DNA, low white blood cell count that stays even well into adulthood, an increased risk of adolescent smoking later in life and pre-diabetes. Anyway Henry’s parents smoke heavily including in our “room”. We’re currently staying in the basement which is also Henry’s dad’s workshop. Henry’s dad is currently putting up walls around a small area of the basement to give us a space with privacy. My problem is that Henry’s dad keeps smoking in the basement where my child’s clothes and bassinet are exposed to smoke and constantly smell like cigarettes (we don’t have a dresser or anything to put his clothes in right now so we make things work). It pisses me off though because there’s a door in the basement that Henry’s dad could use to go outside to smoke while he’s where his grandchild is pretty much all the time. He does stop smoking when I come down with my son but the smoke lingers in the air and he doesn’t seem to get that. So now me and Henry are always fighting because he doesn’t take me seriously and says I’m overreacting and he thinks I just don’t like his dad which is ridiculous. I just want my kid to be safe and healthy, he’s everything to me. Please be kind💛
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I overreacting about my husband smoking around my sons stuff?
It’s legit…it sticks to everything.
I mean, you could move into your own house, where you can control the environment 
You’re not overreacting. He’s just saying that so he doesn’t have to be accountable or inconvenienced because his smoking is more important to him.
Not over reacting but also not your house.
Have you asked him nicely?? Very nicely?? Tell him that you have concerns for health issues ( the baby AND them ) remember… it’s his house… it won’t hurt to remind them that you want them around for his 1st birthday.
That’s tough because I can only imagine the strife this is going to cause. Yes, it’s a real thing. It’s going to be tough because it isn’t your house. I feel for you
Everything your saying about second hand smoke is true.
Trouble is, you are not in your house, you are in theirs. You cannot tell someone how to live while they are taking you in. It’s sucks and yes your child isn’t going to have the best start being exposed to it, but the only mature thing you can do here is move out.
You live in their house….
No, you’re not overreacting. That crap is bad for your kiddo.
Unfortunately, when you live with someone else you’re in their space and have to deal with their life. I would move as quickly as possible. But, as someone who grew up in a house with a smoker, I absolutely hate cigarettes and won’t touch them.
yup. move in ur own house if u wanna make rules. its not a huge deal chill tf out.
Yes you are right but the older generation have been doing it for years and see no harm in it I don’t smoke but my husband does our first son was diagnosed with asthma when he was a baby leaving my husband to feel guilty he also has asthma very bad why he smoke s no idea but since then he smokes out side if we see his family who are heave smokers we give advance notice so they can air out there place before we come. With respect they will thankfully
But you may just have to find your own place don’t see them changing
I completely agree with you about the smoke but you live in their home. I don’t think you can control what they do in their own home.
I’ll probably get backlash from this but ur right it does stick to everything but I feel like my generation grew up around it. My mom smoked around us for years and we are all good. I know plenty of ppl with all those issues that didn’t grow up anywhere near cig smoke and ect.
Best thing to do is probably get ur own place if ur super worried about it.
No because his things retain the nicotine in them and he’s then inhaling the stuff on the items or putting it in his mouth. You’re not in the wrong. Go to a smokers house and wipe their walls. Extremely disgusting.
Not your house, I’m sorry but if it bothers you that much, make other arrangements. May be easier said than done but if you are that worried about it, you can make it happen. You don’t get to make the rules in someone else’s home. They are helping you by providing you a place to live, don’t be ungrateful.
I strongly agree your baby should not be around people smoking but this is his parents home. If you want to call the shots, live in your own home
In some states you can lose your kid for people smoking in the house with them.
It’s true, but you knew they did that when you moved in and I’m sure they did it around their children when they were younger and in their minds “they turned out fine.” There’s nothing you can do because it’s not your house. You tried to educate them and they were not responsive. Either move in with your family or try to leave as soon as possible. I would never live with someone who smoked inside personally.
Move out. If they aren’t decent enough to think of your child’s health why stay there?
You have all the rights in the world to be mad. And he should respect his sons health alot more. Both me and my husband are smokers as well. We would smoke inside her and there and since our daughter was born 14 years ago we have not.
Definitely not over reacting! I would be very upset if people were smoking in a house where my children lived. Only problem is; you are living under their roof so it kinda complicates it. Technically it’s their house, so there’s not much you can do if they won’t change. You are right that it’s not safe for your son to be around though. I would be trying to find a way to move out of the house if possible.
I’d definitely find a new place to live. My husbands dad is the same way. He’s always put smoking over seeing his own grand kids. He’s also put his wife in the hospital over smoking and docs told him not to smoke around her anymore but still does. To many smokers are extremely self centered and only care about their need over the safety and health of others.
I agree it is bad however it is THEIR home they have allowed you to live in you can’t really demand any change in how they do things bc again it is their home not yours they have the power to pretty much put you out if they wanted to do so I get from your standpoint how it is bad but it’s their house they can do as they please regardless of how others feel
I would move out! I’d never live anywhere someone smoked inside!
Umm, it’s their house. Your living in a basement. Yes, it’s horrible for kids or any human to be constantly around second hand smoke. However, you do not get to make the rules for their house. Sounds like you need to move asap. But that’s on you and your bf.
His house, his rules. Get your own place.
You are not overreacting. Sad thing is it’s his house and that’s probably the mentality he has “my house I’ll do what I want”. You definitely need to try to work on getting your own place.
Find somewhere else to liv
Figure out how to get out ASAP. You may not convince them of the dangers
second hand smoking is not something that is new, This has been around for many, many, many yrs, But I will agree no one should be smoking near your baby, nor wear the same clothes they wore when they were smoking & picking up your baby, It does not change the DNA once a baby is born, And as for the fact you moved into your SO’s parents’ house, they have a RIGHT to do as they please, this is their house & you are a guest, so if you don’t want your baby breathing in all of the cig, smoke, then move. And please don’t say you have no where to go, because any mother would do anything for the sake & safety of their children. And they would find a way !!! 
I’m a smoker, and haven’t allowed smoking in a house, or in a car when my kids are in there because it’s been my rule. But, it is their house and they can do as they wish, BUT if it were me, and I needed to clear the air or whatnot, I would purchase an air purifier. That would help ALOT with the smell etc. Not what my preference would be, but it would be better than nothing. I FULLY, get your frustration, and would be heated too. But I would also have to remember that I am a guest in that house, and can’t tell someone else what to do in their own home. And save as much as possible, as QUICKLY as possible, and find a place of my own. I wish you luck. Its a hard battle
LMAO wait til you hear the air you breathe can do all that too 
Don’t live with his parents. You can’t tell them what to do in their own house.
Cigarette smoke second hand is not good for babies or children of any age. Actually people in general. Marijuana second hand is fine. I would definitely mention it however there’s not much you can do to enforce it as it’s not your house & depending on the parents age, they may use the whole, we grew up that way & we’re fine mentality.
Not to scare you but I lost my dog due to lung cancer. And I was a heavy smoker. ( still smoke but only in the bathroom with the exhaust fan on ) my poor dogs had no chance and I never even gave it a second thought. So I don’t think you are being over reactive at all. You have to speak up for the baby. Ask them to NOT SMOKE ANYWHERE AROUND WHERE THE BABY WILL BE. The nicotine oil that cots everything it comes in contact with is bad for baby. He puts everything in his mouth and in turn will breath in the oils. Its wonderful that you have family so willing to help you out but for baby’s sake PLEASE !!! explain to them it definitely does get into the baby. I would give anything to have my dog back. But. I killed him with my smoking and feel guilty everyday for it. Good luck, you are being a good and protective Mommy. Keep up your great work !!!
You are in someone else’s home 
. Get your own place.
I can tell you most of us 80s babies had people smoking around us CONSTANTLY. I like to think we are alright…( I don’t smoke and I don’t care for it but that’s that). You could wash the walls, get an air purifier… ask them so super kindly…
On the other hand, I would try to get my own place because it is thier house.
Maybe if you sit down and talk to Henry’s dad (with Henry) and have some information about how bad it is for his grandchild to breath this in he will be willing to go outside to smoke. All you can really do is ask and educate them on why it is so important. Good luck!
Yeah… it’s hard to tell people to change their way of living in their own home when you’re a guest😆
NO SMOKING IN HOUSE AND IF THEY CANT RESPECT THAT WITH A 9week old in the house then they are Ash*s
Hard situation for sure…I detest smoke and refuse to have it around my son, he’s already asthmatic and doesn’t need anything like that around him. However…it is their house, so it’s hard to tell someone what to do or not do in their own home. Best case scenario would be to get your own place
My mom smoked while pregnant with me and my entire childhood. She and my stepdad smoked in the house.
When I had a child I would go visit and tho she would not smoke around the baby it was so thick in the air I could hardly stand it.
She always wanted the baby to spend the night and when I said ok, she smelled like a big cigarette when she’d come home.
I just hated it. Then when my daughter got asthma at 2 I rarely went over there and I told my mom why but she never believed anything I said about 2nd hand or even 3rd hand smoke being harmful.
If they have been smoking in that house for years, it’s already too late. I would move out and get your own place/airbnb/hotel.
Many places that have been heavily smoked in need massive renovations to make it safe again. Your child has already been exposed to the risks. SIDS is another thing that I would be worried about with the second and third hand smoking.
You are definitely NOT overreacting. Your baby is tiny and as his mom one of your number one duties is to advocate for your baby. That shit is scary and CAN cause a lot of problems and also increases the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). I would not ever in million years allow that. And I’m a smoker myself. But I quit every time I find out I’m pregnant and I smoke outside and also wash my hands/change my shirt after I smoke when I come back inside. Your not wrong 
I’d be moving . Also doing it fast . My baby brother died of SIDS . My parents smoked in the house when I was younger me and him both . Once Katlind passed and my other brother came they didn’t smoke in house at all .
We don’t know if that had something to do with it . Though it did happen . It was very traumatic to the very day .
Get your own home . Do it fast
I would definitely move out. Live with someone else.
I try tell my neighbor this all the time she live right next room and when she smokes I’m the kitchen we share all the smoke comes into my room and makes it smell ,her room is literally right next door and she has babies , she smokes with them in the car but thats her life …the apt manager has told her not to do it in the kitchen to go to the courtyard or outside but she don’t listen 
she’s the only one who smokes in this floor , she says it’s not second hand smoke blahblah she’s pregnant and smokes and frankly doesn’t give a shit about others she has this disgusting ash tray sitting next to the balcony in the kitchen when you open the balcony door the stench just stays there it’s pretty bad , I also have asthma so I do complain alot
For the love of Pete! It’s THEIR home. Should have discussed these issues before invading their property.
Why did you move in with his parents. It’s their home and I’m sure you knew ahead of time that they smoked in their home and you moved in anyway. I’m opposed to smoking around children too. So your choice is to find a place of your own.
I would move. Unfortunately it is their house & they won’t change.
Put them in garage bags
Not overreacting at all! I would be livid!! Print out some information and give it to both of them.
It’s not your house to decide if someone can smoke or not in it, as shitty as it is to have your baby around smoke they’re providing a home in which you and your child can have a roof over your head and I’m sorry but if you want a smoke free home for your child then you should look at moving to your own place
Look the formula the eat is just as bad. Yes smoking is bad but it’s their house. If they want to smoke in the house then maybe you should leave with the baby. Yes 9 weeks is young but there is nothing you can do. Just close vents and put towels underneath th Dorr it can help and leave a wi dow cracked.
You can’t tell them what to do in their house that’s the problem. My mom smoked in her house and I knew if I was bringing my kids there there would be smoking. As much as it sucks you can not ask them to stop smoking in their house because they will pull the I’m letting you stay here card
Get some assistance and move Leave his smokin Henry ass Since it is their house get your own
Sounds like you need to move. You can’t dictate what someone does in their own home.
Granite is not okay but it is their house you don’t like it get your own house
It’s not a safe environment. We’ve learned so much about the risks. Talk to your pediatrician. Get literature from the dr. Maybe they will understand if they see it in writing? It’s their grandchild. I know I would do anything to protect mine
I smoke… But never in my house… I won’t even hold a baby if I am wearing the clothes I smoked in… It is horrific for everyone, especially for babies/ kids… Unfortunately times are tough so moving on your own must be hard… But you have to do it… Find a way…
Not overreacting. I would even let my sons dad hold him after he smoked outside. I would make him wash hands And change clothes. And never smoke ins
Sorry but it’s not your house to say anything
You can try to ask but you don’t have a right cuz it’s their home
You just have to move to keep your baby safe and I’d be worried about second hand smoke too that’s worse than 3rd
Make sure you tell your baby’s dr about the smoking so they can make sure his heart and lungs are okay
But move asap please
Don’t harm your baby more by staying there any longer.
I’ll say this granted this was my house though
my father-in-law comes to visit every year in the summer and he was an avid smoker he usually uses my daughters room who is now 13 but during his first visit with us he chain smoked inside her room . after his visit her room and everything in it smelled disgusting I had to wash all her clothes all her bedding all her stuffed animals everything… not to mention I had to get her new bed padding which can be pretty expensive
After that first year I told my husband that his father was not allowed to smoke in the house especially in My daughters room
Now I know this is your father-in-law‘s house so he can do what he wants in his house but if he respects you at all I would talk to him and let him know I know this is your house so you can smoke whereever you want but I would appreciate it if you didn’t smoke when you were in the basement because of the baby and if he doesn’t agree with you then it’s time for you to move . everyone is saying “it’s their house ,it’s their house “ and I get that but how about having some respect for other people if someone was in my house and they didn’t like that I smoked weed I wouldn’t smoke weed while they were standing right in front of me or if they were visiting . I would take it outside because that’s just having respect for my guest…



I want to put I was a smoker before my son. My entire family smokes, mom sister brother & dad. They smoke inside their home whereas I did not. I had quit and by the time my son was born asked everyone to not smoke inside while he was there. My mom looked me in the eyes and said ‘my house, my rules’ and kept going. My son is healthy as can be but the disrespect side of it is not acceptable. My son doesn’t spend nights there, doesn’t go over much because of that issue. I’ve never tried confronting them again, I should but my family is different than more. They aren’t very understanding. I’d say, try extremely hard to leave. My experience they won’t listen to you and for you to feel calm moving will be your answer.
When I had my babies my father in law stopped smoking in the house when the were there. The problem here is it’s his house so unfortunately his rules.
They aren’t going to stop smoking. Getting your own place is ideal, but if you arent able to do that maybe invest find plastic bags that zip to keep the clothes away, but even then the smoke sticks to everything. Air tight containers and some sort of air purifier.
When I had my 2nd child (in home) we lived with her dad and his brother lived with us. His bedroom was right next to ours. Him and his gf would open the window and smoke in that room. The smoke would escape, and go through the house and into my room with the baby. I could smell it everywhere. They wouldn’t stop when I asked them to. So I told their mom that she was unwelcome to come meet my baby girl until she got her son under control and made him stop smoking in the house. It took 3 days, but she did it. She told him “if you can smoke outside at the bar, you can smoke outside at home.” Period. Don’t mess around when it comes to your babies. Good luck to you.
You’re right, BUT they are giving you a place to live, they are older, set in their ways, and it is their house, so it’s literally…your move.
In truth, it won’t change DNA. 
It can cause respiratory issues & illnesses in small children. My whole family smoked around the kids & I’m rarely sick, like; never sick.
Personally, if it bothers you like this, move. Immediately. In newborns smoke, of any kind, can be deadly. I’ve seen it happen. So, whatever you need to do, move.
My daughter developed asthma due to second hand smoke from her dad and his mother. I stopped allowing visits until they addressed the issue.
I was a 50s baby and everyone smoked around us, I grew up with no problems, but I do not smoke around babies,and children. I do not even smoke around people that do not smoke. If I need to smoke I will go outdoors. That being said a lot of people having babies do smoke around them so it is nit just the older generations!
It’s their house. Move if you don’t like their rules and you are not paying their bills.
This should have been discussed before moving in.
Raising children in someone else’s home will never work. You cannot have a sub family in another families house and expect your ideals. Just how it is. Get out asap
- Take the kiddo outside in the fresh air as much as possible. If it’s hot, it him in a shallow tub of water in the shade to splash around for a bit.
- See if you can spend time other places with friends and other family who will pick you up if you don’t have a vehicle.
- Take the kid to religious services to get him out of the smoky house. There are often people who are available to pick you up and take you home, and possibly have nurseries to take care of your baby and give you a rest.
- Make plans for how you are going to earn more income in the future so you can afford your own place. Use reliable birth control as kids are expensive and it doesn’t sound like you have a lot to work with right now. Figure out how you can afford your own housing away from smokers.
- Once you move out, keep visits with your in laws outdoors or in non-smoking facilities as much as possible.
His house, his rules. If you don’t like it you’ll have to move. You could try talking to his dad about it and showing the article you read. He might stop doing it himself if he knew. But you won’t know if you don’t try
I would at least try to approach this with them. Start with saying you don’t want to start a fight but you have a request. Then back it up with literature from your pediatrician. He may honestly not realize that second or third hand smoke is so bad for babies. Different generations have different beliefs based off what they learned when. Tell him there are lots of new studies that were not done back in the day.
Im sure your in-laws will at least try to do it less while the baby is there if they care about him. It sounds like they are good people since they are letting you live there and even trying to give you your own space
I’m 81 yrs. old, my Dad was a “chain smoker,” husband too, along with his parents. Been around second hand smoke all my life, do not have any problems related to smoking, our son doesn’t either. He doesn’t smoke. Maybe move somewhere else if it bothers you that much. When I had an ear ache Dad would blow warm cigarette smoke in my ear, believe it or not it helped. Did I like the smoking, no I did not, but my husband died 8 yrs. ago, son is married, have 2 grandsons, life is good.
You’re not wrong. BUT not your house you cant lay down rules in somebody else’s house. Have you tried sitting down and having a civil non-confrontational conversation about it to see if there is a compromise that can be made? sometimes it’s all about the approach. Good luck
Sounds like you need to get your own place.
Look my grandparents smoked around me and I turned out fine. I think your over reacting a little ya it’s disrespectful but your kid will be fine
It’s a fact, second hand smoke is deadly. People who never smoked dying of lung cancer. I was In the hospital all the time as a kid with asthma related issues! Both my parents were smokers. After being out of the house I quit having any issues ! I also had a son who was asthmatic & was well controlled, my mother baby sat 1 day and he ended up In the emergency room and admitted for days because they couldn’t bring him out of the attack The doctors determined it was breathing my mom’s smoke all day that did it!
Talk to the parents and your husband. Long ago smoking was not that big a deal now a days you are right to have concerns. Talk to them and tell them all how you feel. It’s for babys sake.
Ps get your own place that will solve it
Move out. You can’t demand he change his habits in his own house…while he’s helping y’all out.
Move
Smoking in the house with a child is a no go
My father in law lit a cigarette next to me when I was pregnant and I flipped out.
I had been in and out of the hospital fighting for my life and my babies
He has never smoked around me or the kids since… he will walk away and smoke somewhere away from us
He does not smoke in a house we are in either
That kid is 10 and there’s 3 more now lol
My parents smoked indoors all my life…never once touched it…I do have asthma as a result…but it’s also not your house…
It is seriously so bad for everyone, even adults, to be enclosed where others are ad have been smoking. Start a plan ASAP to move…apply for any and all assistance you are eligible for. In the meantime stay out of the house as much as possible.
I mean, it’s not your roof if you don’t like what they do in their own house, move. Simple as that.
Until you find other living arrangements I would buy a cpl of totes to store your babies clothes in.
You absolutely are NOT overreacting!!!
Smoking inhalation in small children even in adults is dangerous. It’s one thing if you willing want to slowly kill yourself, but it’s another when you don’t. Be prepared for your child to have lots of ear infections. If you have family around you can stay with I’d tell Henry you and the child will be moving out until you can get a place of your own. Even an efficiency apartment would be better than living in that. I would do my absolute best to get on housing or to find some type of other living arrangement.
Of course you have every right to want to protect your baby, but it is their home. If they don’t see the dangers, they won’t stop. Have a conversation with them. Have articles ready to show them.
People on here saying “I was around smoke all my life and I’m fine” is comical. There’s decades of so much research that discusses second and third hand smoke. I was too. I was sick all the time when I lived there. I have lung issues every time I get sick and my lungs are too weak to blow up balloons. Sure not everyone is affected or don’t think they are. But kids die from Sids due to this.
If they can’t be reasoned with in regards your personal
Space in their home, you’ll need to find an alternative unfortunately.
It’s their home. You cannot ask them to change their lifestyle for you, or unfortunately, their grandson. If you want to avoid the second and third hand exposures, you will have to move. Then you can have control over what goes on in your child’s living environment.
This is unacceptable! I am a smoker and never around my kids let alone around their belongings and clothes and in their room omg … and when they were babies I washed hands brushed teeth and changed before ever holding them… please get out of there asap!!!
Can you put the bassinet and clothes in your room? It might be harder to keep everything organized but it’s worth it. I’m getting a headache just thinking about that second hand smoke. You are not overreacting.
Dont stay move i grew up around parents that smoked inside its foul