Drunk texting his ex… probably wasn’t the 1st time. I agree with speaking with someone about the postpartum & I know that plays a part, but I’d never trust him again after that. This is when you need him most… so what’s the point. He’s already failed. #LeaveHim
I think it’s okay to be upset that’s reasonable who wouldn’t be? I know I would be very bothered. I wouldn’t get a divorce over it though. Postpartum can be awful to deal with. I struggled so bad with it. It’s okay to seek help. Definitely wouldn’t get divorced but don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be upset because of that. You can honey.
Your drama girl and have low self esteem, please get consuling and leave the pos🤷♀️
How/why does he have her current phone number?
It’s time to him loose and focus on you and your children. Especially since his attention is elsewhere.
You deserve better!
Sweetheart I think the postpartum is consuming you. I think you need to immediately contact your doctor you need to go in and express and be completely 100% honest with your doctor and everything that is going on. You’re going through so many hormones and there’s so much happening to your body and although you’ve been through it before it’s a different set of circumstances and you said that this is your last baby so that’s going to put you in a different frame of mind. Don’t make a hasty decision until you feel you are 100% or as close to it as you can be back to yourself. It’s okay to overreact it’s okay to be upset but it’s not okay to make a life-altering decision based off of one or two days of correspondence. You’ve got a lot more time than that invested in your marriage don’t leave yourself wondering what if.
I think that you really need to go talk to your doctor. Postpartum is no joke. You have every reason to be upset because your feelings are validated but make sure you’re making this decision because it’s the best one versus because you’re upset and your postpartum is hitting hard. I would seriously talk to your doctor and try to get some more help from them as well.
Go to your doctor not your divorce attorney. That’s the only big, life changing decision you should make right now. Don’t cut your hair. Don’t trade in your car. Don’t rearrange your furniture. Do not pass go. Don’t do anything except call your doctor today and get an appointment as soon as possible to address your PPD. Like now. As soon as you read this call your doctor.
If you have to go thru your s.o.'s phone, in my opinion your in the wrong relationship.
I’d give him another chance but make it understood next time it’s done for sure
Please see your ob and get some help. Your husband made a stupid mistake. But I believe men have post pardium depression too , did u want a divorce before u read his phone??? Both of you need help
My husband and I both still have exes who are friends. Neither of us are the jealous type, and those particular friends are very aware that we’re happily married; I often will ask about the one he’s still friends with (she goes through a lot and we’ve brought her groceries and given her rides, etc). When I talk to mine, I always make sure it’s something that wouldn’t upset my husband if he were to read it. And I’ll often tell him I talked to so and so today. For us, this would be a non-issue.
For you, it’s clearly not okay. If he didn’t know that before, then you need to set boundaries and tell him what your comfort levels are…and then if he breaks them, you know he doesn’t respect your feelings.
Either way, divorce is a major life change. I’ve been told not to make huge changes like that for the first year after giving birth unless there’s an emergent situation (domestic violence, etc). I gave birth 9 months ago and I still have occasional hormone surges; I would wait until you KNOW it’s your rational side talking, and not your hormones. Especially with something as painful and severe as divorce.
I mean he was definitely wrong and I’d definitely be pissed but I think a divorce is way over board. He didn’t actually cheat all though he was very wrong and gad no business texting her at all drunk or not. I really don’t think it’s bad enough to throw your whole marriage away. He maybe depressed and stuff too. Dads can get postpartum depression even though he didn’t actually give birth there is a new baby a lot of stress and little to no sleep.
He’s done it before and he did it again. Idk i wouldn’t need another excuse from him
You’re gaslighting yourself. Just because youre post partum doesn’t mean your gut didn’t tell you he was drunk texting an ex. Men don’t drunk text exes unless they are still emotionally attached. That’s a big red flag and he knows it. Don’t let the misogyny of our culture cause you to gaslight yourself and cause other women to gaslight you. This is a time when biologically you need care and honor and he went out and drunk texted his ex. It might not have to come to divorce if he can let go of the ex and any other ties that hold him emotionally away from completely connecting with you. But it needs to be dealt with. I’ve had very similar experiences. My husband no longer has those attachments. I can feel it. Before, I could feel the need to check his phone. I felt something wrong. Now that feeling is gone. I was not crazy or toxic for looking at his phone. He was a POS for changing his passwords, hiding convos behind his fingerprint or deleting them.
I found a convo with his ex that he says was innocent because he deleted the convo but forgot to delete a screenshot of the convo he took to show her a weird autocomplete his phone did. My gut is never wrong. Oh and I was pregnant when I knew to look and found that photo. I had no evidence just a feeling. Don’t let people tell you pregnancy and post partum make you crazy and hormonal. Actually they make your intuition razor sharp, you can say the spiritual veil is thin because you are sustaining and brand new life, you can say your senses are honed to meet another humans needs when they can’t speak, however you want to explain it, never mess with a mamas intuition.
divorce because of a text, this why these generations divorce rate so high.
Stick to your guns. What else has he done that you don’t know about
I think he was in the wrong for texting her to begin with. Innocent or not … he should not be reaching out to any other female for any sort of comfort. Drunk or not. He is absolutely wrong for that and you have all the right to set boundaries with him and make him earn your trust back. However, having a new baby and me going through ppd when I had my newborn … you see life differently. Everything is much more dramatic in your eyes and hurtful and magnified. Some days felt like the end of the world over the smallest things. So I would suggest you find some help and focus on bettering yourself first I think jumping to a divorce is a very dramatic decision and honestly I wouldn’t divorce over THAT. I would get help … work on myself … and make him gain your trust back. Take it from there. If you catch him being shady anytime in the future and you’re clear headed … I would file at that point.
I really don’t think it’s worth getting a divorce you don’t want to keep what you two built together I believe anger and hurt were talking he’s human at least he called an ex from out of state and didn’t find someone at the bar to cheat with I think he gets it don’t run it in the ground or he may want a divorce words hurt
Post partum is so rough and I am sorry you have to deal with this at all
Girl, calm yourself down. Take time to heal your body, nourish yourself and the new baby. Forgive the man. Don’t make any such decisions that will put you on welfare. Work on strengthening your marriage and family life.
Your intuition told you to go through the phone
If you can make it work do it, couples counseling whatever - make sure you’re truly done before you divorce it’s a big decision- not a moment thing
You said there was nothing wrong with the messages so you just sound crazy🤷🏻♀️
I think u would be making a huge mistake if you threw it all away over that silly mistake he made… nothing happened … it wasn’t him being unfaithful… don’t lose it … give him a chance
I think asking for a divorce from a good partner because of a few innocent text messages is pretty extreme, if that’s really the only thing it’s about.
You definitely need meds and counseling. Not even trying to be rude either but that is a bit of an over reaction to the situation. He had an innocent conversation and a man should be allowed to speak to anyone, an ex included, as long as the conversation stays respectful. It should not be an automatic divorce just for him speaking to an ex or a female. That isn’t okay. It is okay to admit you over reacted and that you were wrong and just hurting. Save your marriage and apologize. Don’t just let things end because of a misunderstanding and anger. Post partum is no joke as I’ve had it but you got this Hun.
It’s the postpartum go to doctor
The fact that he was keeping it behind her back drunk or not is a BIG reason my ex used to text women. Started real so called innocent with excuses or whatever. But it never stopped. And if he can lie about this, he can about anything really.
Reasonable to be mad, hurt. Idk if divorce should be on the table. He did seem might quick to say live there with kids. Calm down and make an appointment to see a dr. Until you get in…speak to your hubs. Come to an agreement on what is acceptable and maybe work from there. He has to be accountable, as well.
Do not make any life altering decisions while going through postpartum anything! Tell him to block her number until you guys get through this and you can decide how you really feel. The internet is a terrible place for you to be getting advice to make a decision today. Nope you wait until you’re better. Go talk to a professional if you must. Just do not change your life right now.
Was him talking to another woman a boundary you had set? Have you been concerned in the past because of his behavior?
I think that if this situation has never come up before so it’s never been a conversation jumping straight to divorce is a big jump for me. I would have just had a conversation, expressed why it hurt you.
He agreed because he sees that you at the time have made up your mind and weren’t second guessing yourself.
If him talking to another female is a hard boundary then do what you need to do. If it’s not, I would talk with him first.
Try to work through it, counceling,
The Love Dare
5 Love languages
- it’s a drunk text ; this doesn’t minimize your feelings
- postpartum depression and anxiety is real
This is not the time for Major life decisions
Counceling for ppd and couples counseling will help
Talk to your closest people…you’re probably not overreacting by being upset but may be overreacting with divorce. Marriage is sacred and so is your family. This is a major major decision and not one to be made while you’re dealing with postpartum. Plenty of time for divorce once you’ve made sure you’re head is in the right place to make a decision like that. I bet most of your people would agree. Talk to everyone you’re close to
This is the postpartum and hormones talking
Talk to a professional before making the biggest mistake of your life. Do it for those children if you can’t do it for yourself.
You seem really confused about what you want. Maybe a professional could help you figure it out. Being tired, depressed and confused is not a good combination for a stable relationship.
You definitely need to go to a counselor dear. Not because you think you are crazy either or out of line. Your feelings are valid. You are aware of the hormones going through you right now. It will help maybe if you two do some marriage counseling. He shouldn’t have texted her. You are correct on that. I would say go to him, explain why you feel the way you do. Let him explain as well. If you two can get past that part, apologize to each other and agree maybe counseling will help you both then, go for it. Something is eating at you obviously as well. You need to figure out why. He needs to figure out why he though it was okay to text an ex. Being drunk isn’t an excuse. But I hope you two find closure you need.
Yes you overreact. Get help for your PPD
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Please take care of yourself first. Tell your Dr what you are feeling. Do not make any life changing decisions until you have gotten through your post partum, with professional help. Remember, YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO YOU!
I wouldn’t file for divorce. Sounds like you need to talk to someone. This man has been through a lot with you. He seems like he loves you and the kids. Please don’t file for divorce yet. Just work on things. Don’t give up everything just over a text that can be resolved
You need help. Your depression is making a mountain out of a mole hill. Divorce shouldn’t be thrown so easily either. Makes me so sad that no one takes marriage serious anymore. Every little thing… I’ll just leave and divorce.
I don’t care if the convo wasn’t alarming he was out on a guys night texting a woman he used to be with! It don’t matter! He obviously didn’t tell her he was messaging with his ex…… because it’s wrong. If it bothers you stop blaming all this other stuff! It bothers me and I don’t have no postpartum!! If you have deal breakers and this is some thing you as a person will not tolerate then don’t let others convince you otherwise!!!
Give him a chance, we all make mistakes
He’s got no business texting other women and your post Partum whatever isn’t a factor in whether or not he should be doing this.
If he was only texting and it was all innocent then I’d say maybe an over reaction to go straight to divorce. Do u have a right to be angry and hurt he was texting another woman regardless? Absolutely. I suffered from ppd with 3 out of 4 kids and though it was different all 3 times, it was very real and very debilitating. Every aspect of my life was being affected. I would try to talk to someone before you make any rash decisions. If you love him you owe yourself that much at least.
Also….you wouldn’t question whether this was your right to be upset if the seed had not been planted by bad behaviors in the past and you don’t need us to tell you what you should tolerate. He’s doing or has done more. Honest and faithful people don’t need to maintain contact with exes or even have close relationships with people of the opposite sec while in a marriage.
And yes, I know some of you have already been conditioned or are conditioning someone to accept that. It isn’t fidelity.
Have him tell her in front of you that texting her was a huge mistake. He’s married, just had a baby & he was drunk (clearly not thinking straight) then delete & block her on everything… it should be no problem if there’s nothing to be concerned about. Aside from that, you need to ask him a few things. When someone is drunk that’s when the truth/feelings comes out(not trying to add to the pot) but I would ask if something is missing from your relationship. Ask what made him feel like he needed to text her in the first place & especially when he had a drunken night out with his boys!? Why did he not share that with you or bring it to your attention that maybe they we’re friends in the first place!? Find the root & go from there… divorce is a big decision to make. But set ground rules with him if you decide to keep your marriage going.
I never understood the sudden need to go through someone elses phone tbh.
You dont make big decisions just after a birth. Hormones are all over the place.
Personally I think you need to take time to get healthy then calmly talk to each other about what has happened before you decide what you’re doing. Divorce is a life changing decision
I think you’re making a mistake you are not in the right frame of mind to make making such a big decision
Go seek counselling, they may help with the postpartum depression and help your marriage at the same time, or help you part gracefully.
You’re overreacting like a mfr
- Stop making excuses about post partum, “old texts”, he doesn’t go out of state without you…
- You know what he’s done is wrong. IMHO, he is cheating with the texts alone.
- He may not travel but what’s stopping her from doing it?Lots of cheating happen during pregnancy (just sayin’).
There were red flags before the baby but you seem to Choose to make excuses for him and your own emotions. Not meaning to be harsh but sometimes Truth has to be.
I personally wouldn’t deal with it. Same thing happened with my ex-husband. He would text, comment and even like pictures. He crossed the line. It is cheating. He broke your trust. Shouldn’t even be texting exes anyways unless you have a kid with them and it’s about the kid. It will only get worse from here. My ex-husband cheated and all. Get the divorce.
I think you are weaponizing your postpartum issues. I think you are being very extreme
You massivly over reacted… honestly it shows you have a great deal of trust issues and insecurities and instead of facing them your blaming him for your issues. As a wife I wouldn’t be happy either especially if he’s hiding it from you but jumping to conclusions is only going to hurt your relationship. And telling him you want a divorce over messages that weren’t flirty or saying anything bad it over board and probably shouldn’t be married til you both grow up
Your a [email protected]@@ that is all please grow up. Hopefully he leaves you and never looks back. Your over reacting
I think you over reacted. You said you have PPD and PPR. Seek help immediately. No shame in needing help. Post partum hormones drive us all crazy in one way or another. But i don’t think making any major life altering decisions over texts when you’ve stated you’re also dealing with post partum stuff is the right move. I think seeking help for post partum and maybe some couples therapy would help and take some time before making a major life decision
Oh honey, you need to see a professional counselor/therapist. Your reaction was way over the top. Don’t throw away everything until you can think rationally and objectively about what you saw.
A divorce? Over texts that weren’t even sexual. It’s ok to create boundaries, tell him your uncomfortable with it and ask him to no longer keep a friendship with this person… but to throw away your life together over it? Like, is there more to the story? I know postpartum is difficult but I don’t think a divorce will solve any of your problems. I think getting help and seeing a therapist would be most beneficial to your entire family. I hope you get better good luck!
I find it hard to believe your individual therapist supports making a decision like that so impulsively. Back up and process this in a session first.
Okay, I’m just going to say this as kindly as I possibly can. I understand you’re going through post partum, but you’re letting it affect some very big decisions here. Your husband seems like a good man, and the fact that he’s begging you to stay should honestly tell you what all you need to know. If he really didn’t want you he would have left at the first opportunity given, but he’s been trying to stay and fight for your marriage. I understand you’re angry, and you do have a right to be angry because he was texting an ex whilst drunk. But please try to see your husband. I know it’s hard to and your mind is thinking he’s the enemy right now, but please try to see him for who he is. Remember who he is, remember his name. I would strongly suggest seeing a therapist about this. If you need to talk my inbox is definitely open. I know how hard this stuff is, please don’t try and go through it alone
I’m not reading all that but I’m happy for you or sorry that happened
I’m not going to pretend to understand PPD but, this definitely feels like an overreaction. Especially if you know there was nothing ‘bad’ in the messages. He didn’t lie to you about it when you asked, not that not telling you in the first place was great but… I’d seek some help for yourself with the PPD and probably as a couple if your first instinct to him innocently messaging an ex from HIGH SCHOOL is a divorce.
I think it’s silly to give him such a hard time over something so small and a divorce over a drunk text? Sounds like you may be paranoid just a little. Maybe he just is not understanding how you are feeling I think a simple conversation with him would resolve this matter he didn’t cheat so forgive him and move on.
Please seek therapeutic help, meds may help also. I think you jumped the gun but I would say it wasn’t the you in your right mind…you making the decision to divorce rather than talk it out of go to couples therapy , it’s all the hormones and maybe a chemical imbalance due to the postpartum depression. I hope things calm down for you and your family
I think both of you need to seek counseling about this
Also really weird that after all this time he still has her number?
I would divorce. If he didn’t want to hurt you he shouldn’t of done it !
Never say the D word unless your serious. I think this is common with men. Go get medical help first then try counseling with your husband. This is fixable.
See your doctor for the postpartum, and try marriage counciling, this isn’t just a boyfriend, it’s your husband, and with marriage you need to always work on it, because you, and him, are ever changing as human brings, from what it sounds like it wasn’t cheating, but I’d still nip it in the ass, you both sound like good people, and a divorce would be devastating for your kid’s.
Obviously he still has feelings for this person. Being drunk is no excuse so if this is what happens when he drinks he should quit drinking before his stupid drunken shenanigans resort to something more serious than a text. He needs to grow up! Divorce is a bit radical over a “nothing serious” text but you do need to get down to his hidden feelings for the girl that may or may not cause future issues. If he’s still so hung up on his past that he is willing to jeopardize his current family that’s a problem. Make sure his apology is genuine and that he’s not only sorry that he got caught
My husband did this too me. Although he did actually have sex with the one he cheated on me with. It’s hard to get over and be calm and not think of thís daily especially if you all are trying to work on things. I see how you feel. I know pregnancy does change a person a lot too. Give your body time to heal and really think how you feel. Best wishes.
Don’t make life changing decisions when you are going through depression topped with anger. If nothing bad really transpired & he is really sorry, can’t you find it in your heart to forgive him? It already sounds like you have some underlining trust issues that you need to deal with. Has he cheated on you before? If not, I’d let this pass. If he really wanted to cheat on you I’m sure he would’ve made that obvious in his text to her.
Get help from a health professional.
Then go from there.
U just had a baby a month ago. Anger rage is gonna be an issue for lil while longer and u need to get ur hormones balanced before u make life altering changes. I know ur pissed! I get it. Take some herbal supplements to balance hormones. The b.c can also make u hormonal. Maybe why he really needed the guys night out. I think u have all the right to get respect and get some answers. Just be ready for what u don’t wanna hear and try to be calm when u finally have that talk- hormonal rage is serious and causes u to feel empowered by rage and it’s hard to control it- so don’t talk about it right now. Chances r he did something dumb with trying to connect with her but he truly regrets it. Having a newborn and going through postpartum is a roller coaster and it’s Curial that when u both need eachother the most that u are there for eachother… a heads up…holding a grudge after u said u forgave him is not the way to grow. Can’t let go of grudges when ur hormones r all out of wack. I didn’t say to just brush it off … he did disrespect! Fix ur hormones first tho!
There is no explanation that is going to be good enough.
Your divorcing your husband over messages that were “nothing serious”
Yeah he probably shouldn’t have been messaging an ex but I feel divorce is a huge over reaction and like you just wanted any reason to give u an excuse leave your husband
Drunk ppl do stupid shit! You said so yourself that the messages were old and the more recent one contained nothing alarming. I can guarantee she knows he’s married and just had a baby and most females don’t want any part in that. (you noticed I said MOST right?) There’s a lot here that your not telling us and If your both willing to throw a relationship away based on something so petty than you both need to grow up. Talk to your husband!! Tell him how you feel and get some help for yourself on the ￼ post partum side of things.
You don’t know if this was an overreaction or not…? Really???
I would leave him. If he wanted to talk ,he could of gone home and talked to his wife!!!
Sounds like you are using the threat of divorce to get even with him. Take a step back and forget about divorce. You will be miserable if you go through with this. Go to a counselor.
When a man strays from his FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP… it’s time to go. Always wondering who he’s talking too is way to hard. If he can put you in that situation 1 time, he can do it again.
RELATIONSHIPS are built on trust, once that’s gone … what’s left outside of promises that have already been broken
My son’s dad did this to me but the worst of it was I was carrying out baby at the time and then when I found it about her and the messages on fb messenger I got called the bad 1 and stalker and control freak ect yet he was the one cheating
So I believe you nipping it in the bud now will stop you getting hurt by getting chested on later on as that’s how it starts a few texts here and there to push to see what you will put up with then it’s meeting for coffee either at there house or a friend’s then it leads to an affair
But I do suggest you get help aswell hun xx
All I will say is that making life altering decisions while extremely upset isn’t the best idea. If you really are doubting this…maybe talk to him and say that you want to do counseling with him and solo. Big hugs!!!
I mean me personally I would leave. Once that line can be crossed you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering why he did it & if he’ll ever do it again. Nopeeee
Maybe do a separation trial. Work on yourself and see how you feel. I think divorce is getting to ahead of yourself, but only you know how he his and if you can trust him or not.
If possible I would start by doing a trial separation. Make sure it feels like the right decision to you and see if your husband would continue to fight for your marriage.
I think the hormones are talking. His messages were not sexual and he admitted it was wrong. I would do some couples counseling to resolve the issues you have in your relationship. I would also seek some individual help with the post postpartum depression
Don’t make a permanent decision over a temporary problem. Talk to your doctor first. Your feelings are very real and valid but your reactions may be different once you’ve gotten your postpartum under control.
So your going through postpardem and he gets a night out with the “boys” but you find out only by investigating that rather than checking in on you he’s secretly checking in on his ex? I dont blame you a bit for going with the nuclear option
Would he be okay if he saw the same thing in your phone? I’m going to say no. Secondly, coming from a mom who had postpartum depression with two of my three kids, it is something that you need to get on top of. You’re not overreacting at all to what he did. But, if you love him then I would go to counseling, establish hard boundaries, and work on staying. If you don’t feel like staying then don’t.
You’re the red flag not him
If you felt the urge to look at his phone you had a feeling you were gonna find something. Sounds like he’s not getting what he wants at home and wanted some attention from someone. I’d ask him about that.
Overreaction. Think it over more. We women are allowed to change our minds and nothing lost.
Um that would be hard no for me. Y’all are married with children and he decided to text his ex, for what? Nope nope nope. I’d divorce him. So many women think that this behavior should be over looked and it’s you who’s mentally unstable. Well I disagree. Your feelings are VALID, and he mentally cheated. I would not tolerate my man hitting up his ex under those circumstances.
Unfortunately, i would react the same way. Tired of pretending to stay in a relationship where there’s no trust.
Go to counseling before getting a divorce
Please seek professional help
How long has it been since he graduated high school ?