QUESTION:
"My long-term BF and I live together, we have a 3-year-old together. Things have been rocky for a while. He started a job almost two years ago now, and when he started, he was talking about how there's a lady at work (let's call her Susan lol) who was a homewrecker type, destroyed one of the co-worker's marriage, bounces around from guy to guy to guy and the way he put it, she was like the company bicycle if you know what I mean. I told him I didn't want him talking to her if he can avoid it, and to keep it to work stuff. And I was nice about it, believe it or not, lol. Fast forward to now and I find out they've been texting back and forth the whole d@mn time! It's mostly work stuff (which again, I don't mind one bit), but she texts him like 8 times in a row in the morning "hey where are ya, are you coming in, this is your wake-up call," etc. He had a picture of her in her bikini (sent to him by the coworker whose marriage she imploded I guess but I have no proof of how he got it). She KNOWS EXACTLY how long it takes to get from her place to ours, he sent her pictures of our freaking toddler, he lied and said it was a guy friend who drove by honking one day and it was really her.
When I found all this out, I FLIPPED MY SH*T, like seriously was p*ssed. Am I wrong for not feeling comfortable with her being so "friendly" with everything going on? He says I'm just overreacting..... I don't think I am. Or not by much anyhow. He also refused to let me scroll through all the texts they sent (and there's a ton of them) until a few days later cuz he said that me being p*ssed off and flipping out like I was made him defensive. I call bullsh*t. IDK, I'm kind of at a loss of what to do now... I can't leave just yet, but I'm thinking that's gonna be what happens cuz I can't stay with someone I can't trust, and if I had done something like that, he would've been p*ssed too and demanded I not talk to the person at all about even work."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You seem to be emotionally intelligent. Here’s what you have to decide…1. Stay and accept him and this coworker do what they want…perhaps always have 2. Become financially free of him, move out and get primary custody. 3. The hopeful romantic option: Couples counseling where either you accept he’s a harmless flirt or accept he’s not monogomous and looking to marry. - Do what u think is right."
"You’re not being dramatic at all. It’s very suspicious that he wouldn’t let you read them until days later. You have a right to be upset, and unfortunately he just doesn’t seem to notice what he’s doing wrong. I would sit and tell him you’re pissed because of what he previously told you about this girl, maybe once he understands how you feel and why then he’ll tell her she needs to chill. Also why / how does she know where he lives??? There’s no reason for her to know that information let alone how far it is from her place. Weird and suspicious af. Good luck girl."
"No matter what, you’re his wife, how you feel is valid and he should respect that. This sounds absolutely unacceptable. Would you do that to him? No. He knows better and his defensiveness is a major red flag. Know your worth."
"A real man wouldn’t even think of doing that to his lady. He’s not respecting your feelings at all. I’m sorry to say, but it seems you’ve already lost him."
"His behavior is so very disrespectful. Do not accept it. I’m not sure if you have somewhere to go…or are interested in counseling, but that relationship with the loose woman is not ok. Also I’m sorry. I know it’s terrible."
"Listen to your gut and don’t discount your feelings…"
"Please leave, he went to far with sending pictures of YOUR CHILD to this woman, sometimes sketchy is going on. Please leave."
"I literally had this same thing happen to me, boss's daughter tho. My ex would talk about how big of a ho she was and how she always was cheating on her husband. Guess that was his way of telling me he wanted in on it too."
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