Am I overreacting to my boyfriends co-worker?

My long term BF and I live together, we have a 3 yr old together. Things have been rocky for a while. He started a job almost two years ago now, and when he started, he was talking about how there's a lady at work (let's call her Susan lol) who was a homewrecker type, destroyed one of the co-workers marriage, bounces around from guy to guy to guy and the way he put it, she was like the company bicycle if you know what I mean...... I told him I didn't want him talking to her if he can avoid it, and to keep it to work stuff. And I was nice about it, believe it or not lol..... fast forward to now and I find out they've they've texting back and forth the whole d@mn time! It's mostly work stuff (which again, I don't mind one bit), but she texts him like 8 times in a row in the morning "hey where are ya, are you coming in, this is your wake up call".... etc..... he had a picture of her in her bikini (sent to him by the coworker who's marriage she imploded I guess but I have no proof of how he got it)..... she KNOWS EXACTLY how long it takes to get from her place to ours, he sent her pictures of our freaking toddler, he lied and said it was a guy friend who drove by honking one day and it was really her..... when I found all this out, I FLIPPED MY SH*T...... like seriously was p*ssed..... am I wrong for not feeling comfortable with her being so "friendly" with everything going on? He says I'm just overreacting..... I dont think I am. Or not by much anyhow. He also refused to let me scroll through all the texts they sent (and there's a ton of them) until a few days later cuz he said that me being p*ssed off and flipping out like I was made him defensive.... I call bullsh*t..... idk, I'm kind of at a loss of what to do now.... I can't leave just yet, but im thinking that's gonna be what happens cuz I cant stay with someone I can't trust, and if I had done something like that, he would've been p*ssed too and demanded I not talk to the person at all about even work
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You’re not being dramatic at all. It’s very suspicious that he wouldn’t let you read them until days later. You have a right to be upset, and unfortunately he just doesn’t seem to notice what he’s doing wrong. I would sit and tell him you’re pissed because of what he previously told you about this girl, maybe once he understands how you feel and why then he’ll tell her she needs to chill. Also why / how does she know where he lives??? There’s no reason for her to know that information let alone how far it is from her place. Weird and suspicious af. Good luck girl.

First off I hate when people say “a homewrecker type, destroyed one of the co-workers marriage” … umm if the coworker cheated with this person then it is his own fault that his marriage was destroyed. He made a choice to cheat with this women and that’s on him. No women can force a man to cheat.

2nd while I agree she should be respecting the fact your husband is married, your husband is also to blame and needs to own responsibility as well. If this women is constantly texting your husband and sending him pictures then that is on your husband as well because he is texting her back. He needs to set boundaries with his coworker and he clearly hasn’t. If he has tried and nothing has changed then there are option he has…like he could of blocked her number if he really didn’t want her texting him…he could go to HR at his work and say she is over stepping professional bounderies…hell he could go to the cops and say she stalking him if she showing up at your house.

If he wouldn’t let you see the texts until days later and he lieing to you about it being her who drives by then it is probably because he is up to no good.

No. Fuck that shit. Wrap that shit in a neat little package and set fire to it. I’ve never dropped my jaw so much. He’s definitely doing something. How the fuck does she even know where he lives let alone how far?? I’d say maybe she’s a stalker but he doesn’t mind it at all. I think it’s already well into a full blown affair. If not, it’s a lost cause because he’s coveting the relationship with her. No man is that stupid or blind to see what she’s doing and he’s taking you for a fool to ever believe you aren’t seeing right though it. Daily and multiple texting? Sending pics of your kid? Nothing about you? Waiting till later to show you his messages? After he cleans them up! This is so obvious what he’s doing. He needs to come clean if he ever wants to salvage his relationship or even his reputation. She’s obviously not the “settling down” type so he’ll loose everything over a quick fling. I hope things work out for you and that it’s not what it seems and that you two can come back from this. If not, I hope you find your way to where you need to be. If I were you, if he’s not going to keep it real, put some eyes on him. Texting and actions on this lever to me, working isn’t the only thing they’re doing.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I overreacting to my boyfriends co-worker? - Mamas Uncut

No matter what, you’re his wife, how you feel is valid and he should respect that. This sounds absolutely unacceptable. Would you do that to him? No. He knows better and his defensiveness is a major red flag. Know your worth❤️

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Sounds like he’s cheating to me. Even if there’s no “sex” involved, emotionally cheating is still cheating in my opinion.

Lmao @ company bicycle. :rofl::rofl::rofl: but me personally I would be pissed also. Something seems off. Especially since she is having fun with all the married guys.

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A real man wouldn’t even think of doing that to his lady. He’s not respecting your feelings at all. I’m sorry to say, but it seems you’ve already lost him.

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Bruh somethings going on if Hes already hiding shit and making white lies itll only get worse……

Is there HR dept there? I’d report her behavior

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Oh hell nah! Shady most definitely

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Wow he cheated and he didn’t want you to read stuff he wanted to delete it first guess what if he has an iPhone you can recover all those deleted messages :ok_hand:t2:

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If it’s android it’s even easier to recover messages ps check his email

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Go thru his phone while he’s sleeping and get her number and text her from your phone🤣

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Turm it around find you a male friend to message and see how he reacts simple if he can have a so called friend so can you and of course be pissed i would be dont feel bad for that shit turn the tables watch his reaction

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Shut that down hun. Leave

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Oh he’s probably cheated how else would she know where you live

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His behavior is so very disrespectful. Do not accept it. I’m not sure if you have somewhere to go…or are interested in counseling, but that relationship with the loose woman is not ok. Also I’m sorry. I know it’s terrible.

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Listen to your gut and don’t discount your feelings…

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I’m not trying to put a negative twist to what you’re going through but he is most likely cheating or at least emotionally cheating. And that is where it starts! She already has a reputation for this and things are probably rocky because of her getting so close with him. Go with your gut.

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Exact same thing happened to me. Tried to warn my husband what was happening. 6 months later, the affair.

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Girl you are nicer than me cuz I would walk up in his job sit down and have lunch with him and ask her to sit down and eat with us and ask what’s up in front of both of them you’ve been with him long enough to know when he’s lying and see what his face looks like that’s the only answer you need

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He must be pedaling that bike :thinking: very sus

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Yeah well my husband and i took a 9 nine yr break because of a female co-worker if u kniw what i mean??

Well if he doesn’t want you to talk to anyone else maybe he shouldn’t either

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He sounds like he has something to hid. Get proof and take him for everything he has and get full custody. When will these boys learn to stop fucking around with the home-wreckers.

Sending pictures of your child??!! That’s super weird!

Please leave, he went to far with sending pictures of YOUR CHILD to this women, sometimes sketchy is going on. Please leave.

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Move on as soon as u can.

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You are in no way overreacting at all hun by the sounds of it the town bike has found a new target ( ur husband) … If it was me I wouldn’t say anything more to hubby I would go straight to her and put her in her place so to speak women like that are disgusting… or go with ur gut and u can’t ever go wrong…

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Girl, that man is playing you like a fiddle. Been there before.

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If he won’t let you see the messages, what is he hiding? :tipping_hand_woman:t3:

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Ditch the bitch!!! Everything sounds suspicious

He wouldn’t let you look at the text because he wanted to delete anything incriminating

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I literally had this same thing happen to me, bosses daughter tho. My ex would talk about how big of a ho she was and how she always was cheating on her husband. Guess that was his way of telling me he wanted in on it too. :joy::joy:

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Girl don’t fall for for that Bs! He is a liar & a cheater! A woman like that flirts only because he allows it an has dipped into her honey pot!!

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Why do these questions keep being asked??? In your description, you have already stated the answer.

  1. He is gaslighting you and you know it.
  2. He is making ZERO EFFORT to show any RESPECT to your relationship.
  3. He is HIDING things about the extent of their conversations.

YOU HAVE ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION.

I’M SORRY, BUT HE IS MAKING THIS CHOICE. YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE OF WHETHER TO CONTINUE TO ALLOW IT OR WALK AWAY WITH DIGNITY.

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He lied and is defensive. 2 flags right there. Listen to your gut and put you first

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Well a typical man. He brain goes from one head to the other head. Macho :rage::face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Plus it seems like the girl likes being the side chick. After she breaks up the relationship she is on to the next guy. Not exciting for her anymore :unamused:

Sounds like he’s closer to her than you know… The fact she has your address and she knows exactly how far/how long of a drive it is from her house to yours&work, tells me he could be doing a little something with her… I wouldn’t trust either of them, if she gives him any std/sti and he gives it to you that’s a crime.

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He definitely deleted messages

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Get your affairs in order and leave him. Shady shit.

You seem to be emotionally intelligent. Here’s what you have to decide…1. Stay and accept him and this coworker do what they want…perhaps always have 2. Become financially free of him, move out and get primary custody. 3. The hopeful romantic option: Couples counseling where either you accept he’s a harmless flirt or accept he’s not monogomous and looking to marry. - Do what u think is right.

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I’d contact her myself!!

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This shit is on him… And, he is trying to turn it all on you. Don’t let him guilt you, shame you or make anything your fault . He has no boundaries and he has clearly crossed the line…
He is a jerk…

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If he is defensive about it he is hiding something. Throw the whole man child away.

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Youre far from over reacting. You deserve so much better. And if he does all this stuff who knows what he will do next. Find yourself someone who deserves you

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I think I would move on

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Sounds like some girl at my work :rofl: girl my man did the same thing I told him it was emotional cheating I told him he needed to knock that shit off or I’m out

KNOW YOUR WORTH HUNNY!:clap:t2:
I’d gladly take the crown of being called a crazy misses or ex for that matter because I stood up for myself, my heart and what I know I deserve.
I’d be finding out any way I can if he’s been screwing around and go kick the bitch in the shins and run your husbands phone over :rofl::rofl:

Let me just say he’s been talking to her from the start. He said all these negative things about her to manipulate the situation. Something similar happened to me so just walk away. So you don’t sound crazy get her number and call her.
If you asked him to stay away and he is not that’s disrespectful.

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Report to the boss. Contact her. Tell him you don’t want him contacting her anymore aka block her number. Oh and once all that’s done I’d consider leaving.

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If a woman has a gut feeling about something she is right 99% of the time

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Been in a similar situation. The difference was my husband actually was like nah we can be friends, but SHE didn’t stop. That’s where he messed up by not telling me she didn’t stop. He didn’t have the chance to get rid of messages she continuously sent. Like previous advice, I went right to her. My hubs made himself look super guilty, but this girl wasn’t used to being told no. At that point it just became more of a want or a game on her end… But most of the time if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then…

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Ither your going to stay or leave it dont matter what any one is saying you do what is rite

I would be cutting that man off so fast

Just get a divorce. Wipe your hands clean and move on and never settle for anything less than what you need and want in a man. Your son doesn’t need to see his dad be a piece of :poop: to his mother. Don’t teach your son that being this type of boy is okay. No exceptions!

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Didn’t we see this same post last week? Just asking🤔

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He didn’t let you scroll through his phone for a few days, so he could erase messages… and she sounds like a stalker

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Nope. They are hooking up. Those texts he let you read were the ones he didn’t delete. There is no reason for her to be driving by your house or to know where you live. She is trying to be a step mom. Reread what you wrote…out loud.

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My best friend was having an affair with my husband. Trust no one

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He’s cheating, leave

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Maybe he baited you into jealousy because it was fun to him.

if he feels she’s a hoe and all of that why would he give her his # …text/hangout/hide stuff from you sounds like it’s way more than a female friend

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Girl get you a private investigator or call cheaters save all evidence just in case for divorce

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Nope. Just nope. He knew how you felt in the beginning and still got comfortable with her. Lied this whole time about it.
I would pack his shit and give him to her. Wanna hide shit with the bitch, can go have her and be with her.
:wave:Fuck outta here with your childish games

Report it to the boss.

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First off you are not over reacting. And he should be on your side regarding this situation because she is obviously a home wrecking who*e. The second thing to remember is a man will always try to make u feel like you are crazy, to cover their own wrong doings. And always remember men always talk the most shit to their wife/ girlfriend about women to cover how they really feel and in my experience with this type of situation my man said the worst things about this women when the entire time he was screwing her in his office at work. :woozy_face::woman_facepalming:. I feel it was to throw me off track. Also biggest thing always trust your first feeling, your intuition will never point u in the wrong direction. A women’s intuition is always right

You already know. Accept it or leave. It’s hard but that’s the bottom line. Cause you already know.

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Throw his ass in the trash…and set it on fire.

He’s messing with her it’s not work related and no female should be texting your man period with that friendly reminder ass shit

You already know the answer to this one.
I’m sorry this has happened.
He kept everything from you and then wouldn’t let you look through his text messages …
There’s your answer right there.
Be strong and keep your head straight until you can leave, or make him leave.

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If he has an android, deleted messages save in a trash folder for 30 days :woman_shrugging:t4: check it.

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Wow I just went through a break up because of this same situation I know how you feel

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He.likes.her🤦🏻‍♀️
He obviously doesn’t really care that much about your feelings or he would not have made besties with the company “bicycle”
Idkkkkkk sis, but you deserve better…they’re definitely not just friends

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Cheating starts with sneaky conversations. I’m gathering that he’s been having sneaky conversations with her for quite awhile based off everything you’ve said in this post. I would just write down the number and text or call her ass and ask.

My home wrecker is named Angel lol :joy:

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My husband said the same thing about a co worker o she is jus a friend. She texts about her schedule cuz he was her boss and he made the schedule. Well I found the schedule and he was saying he was going out of town with a friend and it was her they got a room together. But she was mad cuz he got another girl pregnant and he was still with me too. And at the end of it all he wanted to make the marriage work. He wants marriage counseling. But we have 16 years together. Even the Maury show called us

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Definite bye for me. :wave::v:

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If there’s no trust it’s not worth it. Believe me.

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FOLLOW UR GUT AND NOT UR HEART MOMMA… straighten that crown. And kick him out. I wouldn’t put up with that we all damn well know what he’s doing. He’s being unfaithful. Gut… not ur heart girl. Thi king of you

Put her homewrecker ass on blast!!! But he’s definitely not doing things right!!!

Id be mad af,and i would call her and make him block her from everything. If they continue to talk like “besties”,well that tell you that he doesn’t value or respect you etc. Id do the same thing × 10,but thats just me!!

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Sounds like exactly what happened to my husbands sister. Her husband got a little too friendly with a coworker and they got divorced after nearly 10 years married. Im sad. They have no kids together. Then he wanted back after everything :roll_eyes: and probably regrets the whole thing but hey he can only blame himself in the end of the day. Move on. Be happy and find the one who will treat you and only YOU like a queen thag you are! Keep you’re head held high hunt! You got this.

There is no proof he cheated, demanding be can’t talk to ppl is a control thing. Would you be ok if he was trying to control your life or would U find it demeaning ? I think you need to ask yourself why you think he is cheating

He left it in his phone for u to know whats going on…

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Hes cheating

Report her to the boss/corporate/ any higher up

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Nope. Not cool. I’d let her have him. A man puts no other woman above his. Ever. Plus he knew how you felt.

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This long term boyfriend has you typing novels to FB. Time to reevaluate

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Monkey see Monkey do. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. Play his game, turn a blind eye or hit the road.

Time for you to move on!!
Kick him to the curb!!

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wow read what you write and what do you feel that you should do? sounds like a little more is going on.there should not be all these texts between them and if she was just a friend that you would’ve known a long time ago…when there is something to hide than something is going on…I would leave his pathetic ass and I would beat her ass up…

Yeah, he’s riding the bicycle

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Fuck him. He can keep her. Once a traitor and cheater will always be a cheater. If he can’t respect you, or value your relationship, if he allows a woman like that get close to him then he doesn’t respect you, love you or value you. If he keeps friendships secret, red flag. If he puts anyone over his relationship and family, red flag. If there are inconsistencies, fog, smoke n mirrors and secrets let one traitor be with another traitor. They deserve each other. If he trades you for a whore, be like Elsa and let it go. By that I mean the relationship. I learned my lesson. If they are willing to devalue you and disrespect you just fuck it, things will nevrr get better

I would go directly to her and straight up ask her way before you decide to haul ass if she is seeing him why would she attempt to lie or cover ? Don’t assume anything until you have absolute proof. Guys are allowed to have girls as friends as long as boundaries are set and kept

Ur not wrong, he shouldn’t be entertaining someone at work like that!! Period

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If there was nothing going on he wouldn’t have kept it from you.

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He shouldn’t be entertaining another female like that period. In the grand scheme of things you have to do what’s best for you and your child. Which you know what the answer is already as you’ve stated yourself. Keep your head up momma, you’re strong, you’re beautiful and you’re amazing. You’ve got this!!:two_hearts:

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