Following for I’m going similar issues but with my fiance wife. She has been mailed divorce papers claim she lost them.
I get what they are meaning, HOWEVER that is NOT something to be said or talked about in front of your child.
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Over reacting as long as they treat her as their grandchild why does it matter she is their bonus grand child
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You’re overreacting. They still treat your child like they are their grandchild, but it’s not the same. It’s different when your child has a child of their own flesh and blood. Right now, if you two split, there’s a risk they’ll never see your child again, that won’t be the case when you & him have a child of your own.
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I would ask 1st. How old is your child? Do they say this around your child. Were they there thru the pregnancy with your first child? The announcement, the excitement of the delivery? If not, and the child is at an age that they don’t understand. It doesn’t matter. They are excited of the process they are going to get to go thru. If things change once the new child is born and a difference is shown then raise your concerns. Allow them their time to be excited about everything they are experiencing as “new” grandparents if they missed out on it with your first child. I have 5 children and my oldest I was only 8 weeks pregnant and he was murdered. It was the grandparents only child. I have four more children and they all call her Nanny and she recognizes all of them for birthdays and holidays. The only real difference is my oldest receiving items from his passed father for graduation and his 16th, 21st birthday.
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100 percent happy for them
If it were me… I would speak to them privately and ask that they not say anything like that in front of your child. Let them know you understand the excitement for the bloodline but, doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect your daughter hearing those things.
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If you were legally married your child is then rightfully their grandchild. I don’t know if they’re purposely trying to hurt you with what they say. I kinda understand where they’re coming from. But, I also hear you when you say it niggles you.
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My bf came into my sons life when he was 4 my son is now 9 and to my bfs parents he has always been their grandson they have never thought of him any other way it’s their grandchild. I would be upset if I was you too
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You’re overreacting. Obviously having a bio grandchild is exciting, especially the first one. They should be able to express that excitement. Doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love your child. As long as they still treat her good.
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I think you may be over sensitive, as long as they accept your daughter as their grandchild, that is the main thing. It is a difficult situation as it is their first grandchild. (Technically you guys aren’t married and therefore your the daughter out-law, that’s what my mum called my hubby before we married)
I am sure they love your daughter, don’t read into things. 
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Not overreacting at all, they need not mention that to you or your child. Those are their true emotions don’t subject you or your child to it, and best believe the minute you give them a grandchild biologically they will clearly show difference between those children and then you will forever have to deal with that. Not worth the drama protect YOUR child and your peace
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Say something when child isn’t present. It will be worse if you have their first grandchild yikes
I’m sorry but it is different. It’s a feeling they can’t help.
I would hope they don’t say it around your child though
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As you see it now will be the way it is if you give them a grandchild
Y’all are missing the point!
Imagine being a kid hearing this. She is not overreacting. The adults are wrong for saying this. I would privately speak to them about it and ask them not to say things like that in front of my child.
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Not once did she ask for her. She’s asking how to protect her child from hearing such things so they DONT hurt her. In my opinion I’d stop going to the grandparents house until you’re able to talk with them, have your bf talk with them too with you so they know both of you want it to sto
Overreacting for sure
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My fiancé’s side of the family… his dad and step mom have ten grand children between them, one of which is my oldest daughter… however, I had a baby last year and that is technically their first biological grand child and yes they love their grand kids… all of them… but I’m sure it felt different for my father in law to see his own looks and traits and his sons in my daughter. My oldest has an amazing relationship with him, they have inside jokes and she knows they love her. I understand how the comment could hurt but it’s all about how they’re saying it and if they’re saying it excessively or if they just mentioned how it will be nice. Even my fiancé’s mother felt the same, it was a different feeling to see their son through their grand daughter. It hurt me too for a little bit as long as they aren’t actually treated any different I did get over that.
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I don’t think you’re over reacting.
I would definitely be hurt.
Let your boyfriend’s parents know now before you child gets hurt.
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You’re not even married into the family and they treat your child as one of their own. I think you should be happy for people that are treating you and your child so well that they are rejoicing in their other child’s first baby, which IS their first grandchild.
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Ask them flatly to not say it in front of your child.
Depending on how old your child is, they may not have gotten to experience the birth and younger baby/toddler fun. I would hope they are just oblivious to the fact of it affecting the child, and you can fix that
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I’d be pissed and each person that says it is a POS. If they can’t treat BOTH children as grandchildren and the same (and not make stupid comments like that) then they don’t get to see either child (when you have another) until they get their act together
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You need to talk to the grands when your child isn’t around. Let them know how you feel when they say things like that especially in front of your child. I get that it’s different for them to have a flesh and blood grandchild but hurting the present child’s feelings about it isn’t the way to go. If this isn’t addressed before you have their grandchild it will get worse when they ARE here. (That’s assuming you want to have a child by your SO, some don’t)
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Are they saying this in front the kid? Like, are they making her feel like she doesn’t belong?
I get how they feel if they’re just saying it to you guys……but still no….!
Cause their son is your boyfriend not your husband. You owe them nothing.
I had to deal with this. It’s toxic and i wouldn’t acknowledge it.
I’m sorry but you have to accept the fact that your child is not their grandchild. It’s wonderful that they accept your child, & I would definitely show appreciation for that, however, you are not even married into their family, so there is no guarantee that they will always be near & dear to your child.
A blood grandchild brings a bond that every grandparent dreams of. They look at that baby & see their own child, they see lost family members in that one child’s face, actions, & personalities.
Honestly, foster the bond between your child & his parents, but keep quiet on them having feelings about a blood grandchild.
That is their path, not yours.
If you decide to get married &/or give them a blood grandchild, then address the issue lightly at that time. But do not expect them to make a lifetime commitment of “grandparent” to your child when you haven’t even made a commitment to be husband & wife yet. That’s pretty unfair.
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First, it would be helpful to know how long you have been together? You need to have a talk with them and make sure that that is never said around your child. Especially if that is the only grandparents your child has ever known. They should take that into accountability as adults. It’s not reality to say they can’t be excited to have their first blood grandchild. A child doesn’t have to be blood to bring any kind of bond. Trust and believe that. I know for a fact. My child is blessed by this every day.But they should know that that’s hurtful to you and the first grandchild that’s been there all along. Good luck.
I feel you are over reacting.
- You and your boyfriend are NOT married so if you break they will never get to see this child.
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Over reacting. I met my fiancé when my son was 2. Him and his family immediately accepted my son as one of their own. When I got pregnant with my second kid, I heard the same comments as you. It didn’t mean that they didn’t view my first son as their grandkid. Just that they were excited to actually get to be there for this one. You have to realize that while your child is their grandkid, they didn’t get to be there from the beginning. They didn’t get to see the pregnancy. Feel the joy when you say the baby was born. Enjoy a newborn.
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MY question is where IS the child’s father and his family??
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I feel as of your over reacting they aren’t treating your kid badly and chances are that if you and bf were to split they wouldn’t get to see that kid ECT
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They won’t ever see your kids the same way they will see their kid’s kids.
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It’s hard not to wear your heart on your sleeve when you child is involved. I’m sure they mean no harm, just excited about the baby.
I would call them out on it to make sure they understand how that makes your child feel. Family is stronger then blood and family is what you make it. If I adopt a child that is now my child. That is now my parents grandchild. I would be heartbroken if they didn’t see my child as such.
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It can be very painful if said in front of the child. You should talk to them and tell them your concerns. With that though you have to accept it and make sure you talk to your child. We are a blended family and it took a few years on all sides it’s not instant. There is a different bond with a parent or any family member with a child that is “theirs” for a lack of better wording. Our boys are 18 now have a daughter together and they are all loved for who they are.
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Honestly I see both sides , and have dealt with this. As their mother we don’t want to hear this, and u should talk to them about it. From their perspective they may except your child as their grandchild but at the same time if you all broke up they would have no rights to that child, and it’s about their child having a first of his own biologically. Calmly tell them how u feel, I don’t think they are doing it to be mean, and make sure they know never to say things like that in front of your child, and both will be treated the same regardless
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Omg this yes! I hate ppl like that
My parents did this with my husbands daughter. They do call her grand baby but would say something about wanting their own biological grand kids, and before I just said if you can’t love and treat her as your own biological grandkids, then when and if I have any you’re not going to be able to call them your family
My boyfriends family doesn’t see my daughter as his either, his mom and step dad do tho… but the rest don’t… thats completely disrespectful to that child and is just wrong.
Until they stop, I’d keep my child away. The grandparents are toxic, and you have every right to keep your kids away from toxic people.
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This is a discussion that your boyfriend needs to have, and that you need to have with him if you haven’t yet. They may not even be aware honestly. And hopefully that’s the case, and they aren’t doing it maliciously. Hugs mama!!
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Do they say this in front of your child? How do they treat your child? If they really love your child, having a biological grand child won’t change that. Not only that, what happens if your child’s biological father and his family pop up and want to be a part of your baby’s life? Honestly I think you’re overreacting. There’s nothing wrong with them wanting a biological grand child. 
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Not overreacting at all I’d be upset too and I’d be opening my mouth but that’s me
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I think they could word it differently, but honestly some people have a hard time connecting to a child that isn’t their blood, it shouldn’t be this way but it happens. You should sit down and talk to them and tell them how you feel because even though they may not mean anything by it, it’s still very hurtful
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I was in the same shoes and it is a hard pill to swallow. It can also be very emotional because you want your child to not feel different and accepted. Your child is loved. Your child is accepted. They mean no harm by it. Just have the conversation that you don’t want it brought up in front of your child. Or have them state biological grand child instead of first grandchild. Your child will know they are not biologically related. Even if it’s not from them. They will learn from school friends other relatives. Just make it a normal conversation. I would not keep my child away from them. I think that would 
be over reacting. Try to understand it from their side. You guys aren’t married. If you decide to leave at any point they have zero rights to see that child.
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I think you need to have a conversation with your husband about it and a conversation with them as well. I don’t think they meant any harm being they treat your child well and consider their grand baby however you all should be on the same page as I can see where this would be hurtful respect goes a long way. Best of wishes to you and your family
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Overreacting. Be grateful they accept your child as a grandchild now because alot of kids don’t even get that.
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I would feel pretty silly for trying to steal their joy of having their 1st BIOLOGICAL grandchild.
Also, I think you’re reading way too much into this and taking it as an attack on your child!
It is not! It is their excitement and joy of now having a grand baby that is of their blood. It doesn’t mean they love your kid anymore. Please, for the love of all things, the people in this world need to quit being so sensitive and stop searching for things to be upset about. My God.
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Stop overreacting. Ok he raised your child as his but its not their grandchild and you don’t know what its like to get a first. Get over it
Share the excitement for a new baby in the family, not its biological rank.
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Don’t over react but if you realize that your child feels some type of way or asks about it explain to them that they have different blood but this baby has the same as them and hopefully they don’t treat these biological grandchildren any different or treat them any better and if the grandparents do stand up for your child and tell them about it.
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He’s not even the child’s stepfather, I don’t know what more you expect out of these people. They’re nice to your child, that’s all that matters
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No you’re not over reacting. A conversation def needs to take place. Start by having it with your boyfriend and y’all get on the same page as to what to do. For me, it’s all or nothing. My children will never feel “less than” and thus we started creating distance from those who made those exact comments. A lot of distance.
Do they make the comments around her?
My boyfriends family kind of did something similar, because they’re all sons and grandsons. I had three daughters. When we found out our baby was a girl, his dads and moms side were both thrilled for the first girl. My boyfriend adopted my oldest, but his family was mindful of the comments around my girls because they claim them as granddaughters as well.
Maybe just watch for that, otherwise, I wouldn’t let it be an issue. I’m sure they do not mean it in a harmful way if they love and accept your little girl. 
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Same, girl. Yet, when they got a blood Grandchild, they favor him. Makes me sick. So disrespectful to my other son. Be prepared. If they say this, they will DEFINITELY favor blood!
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This one is hard for me, my dad has 3 other kids besides me, my mom only biologically has me, but helped raised my siblings and still look at them like her kids,well they have kids and my mom loves and adores them, they are her grand babies through and through, but when I found out I was having my first she was elated. She barely had me (fertility issues, surgeries, and lost my twin almost losing me) so to find out that she was actually going to get to be a biological grandma filled her heart from the trauma that she almost was never even able to have her own child let alone blood grandchildren. So she said a couple times I’m getting to finally have my first biological grandbaby and she always made sure and still does that all her grandbabies are special to her. And matter just as much as the other, but it was still something a little extra special to finally be lucky enough that my oldest was born. (It was also the first grandbaby she got to watch and help be delivered which made it even more special for her) but if you ask her anyday she has 8grandbabies and loves them all the same
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It’s their first. As they accept yours, you have to accept this milestone in their lives too♥️
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Sweetie that is your boyfriend not your husband. Those people don’t have to accept anything or even acknowledge your existence and yet you’re literally complaining about a how they feel about something (which is their to feel). You don’t get to project your own emotions into the mix and make them out to be villains. Heal that trauma you’re carrying around like a chip on your shoulder before you ruin this relationship for yourself 
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Overreacting. My man’s parents and family accept my oldest, they love her, ask about her, and treat her like she is part of the family and they always want to include her in everything. Even when my man and I split for a bit his family did not forget about my oldest and I greatly appreciate that so dang much. To be with someone who loves my daughter and will do anything for her and his family to feel the same is more than I could’ve asked for.
Be happy they accept your daughter but mention it to them that saying “real” this and that upsets her if it does and hopefully they can fix that…
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You’re overreacting. When I first started dating my ex, my oldest was 2. His parents accepted her as their grandchild. Than I had their first bio grandchild. Nothing changed. His parents (rip to his amazing mother) never once looked down on my child nor stopped treating her as a grandchild even after we broke up. We broke up 9 years ago and his dad and my oldest are very close. She is as spoiled as his “bio” grandkids.
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one, do they treat your child well when they see that child? If yes, let it go, really let it go, biologically it’s not their grandchild. So let it go. If you guys are married, then it’s their step grandchild, but if you guys are not, maybe they are thinking this really might not last. But as long as they treat your child well, let it go. If they treat your child as a stranger, then don’t go over there or don’t invite them to your house 
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This is a hard one for me. Because technically it is. Plus you said boyfriend so you’re not married and you could easily walk away at any time and they never see this child again
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I feel like you’re overreacting. They’re just excited to have their first biological grand child. It’s normal. They can treat your daughter as their grandchild all they want, but the truth is if you and your boyfriend broke up today, they may never see her again. This is their first biological grand child and that’s a big deal.
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You’re overreacting… your child you are having with your boyfriend is technically their first “real” grandchild.
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Technically it IS their first. They accept your baby as their own (which is friggin amazing… because there’s tons of “grandparents” who don’t)
…just be excited for them.
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Don’t even trip. My son was 1 month old when I met my guy. My son after him is his first son and their first grandson from my guy. It’s not a big deal. As long as they accept and love him
It shouldn’t matter.
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You are overthinking. If you bf had a child and you got pregnant. You would be thrilled because it would be your first child. Same with grandparents.
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explain to them how you feel
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My FIL always claimed my girls has his granddaughters but then last Christmas he made a comment in front of everyone saying that My SS was the first grandchild but my husband stopped him right there!
As a grandma to a child that does not belong to my son an 2 that do. I have said this without realizing what I was saying but by an means I don’t treat my bonus grandkid any different then the other 2.
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That’s not ok. My oldest daughter isn’t “biologically” mine, but my family loves her and accepts her just as if she was. She is their oldest grandchild and that’s how they introduce her. Biology is the least of what creates a family.
Also wanted to add that her dad and I aren’t married. We’ve been together for 9 years. I’ve been raising her as my own the entire time. I also have a daughter from a previous relationship that he raises as his own. We have 2 daughters together as well. All the kids are treated the same by the family. If they made comments about “real” grandkids I’d say something about it. That’s unacceptable.
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It’s Ok to ask them to be aware of their audience when they say this stuff. It can be hurtful unintentionally and I am sure they dont even realize its hurtful because it sounds like they love him just the same. Just be honest without getting upset.
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How long have you been with your bf? They may not feel like your child is their grandchild 100% until you guys are married maybe?
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Don’t beat around the bush, have a talk with them and let them know they need to watch what they say around your daughter!!
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You can’t blame them, It’s how they feel.
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For some people, the biology thing is huge. It’s biological for them. As they get closer or further into their “sunset” years, they want some sort of genetic legacy to endure. Those of us who aren’t wired that way find this weird. But it’s not personal at all.
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Talk to them about not saying it around your kid. Their first biological grandbaby IS a big thing for older people, yes they accept your son BUT YOUR son also has HIS own biological grandparents.
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I know that can be hurtful but as long as they treat you and your daughter well let it be. They’re just excited is all, if they’re good people a blood related grandbaby won’t change how they view your daughter
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If anything, avoiding the fact that they are not the childs biological grandparents would be a disservice. Think of it like this, If the Grandparents love, accept and treat the child like their own then your child is being shown that blood isn’t everything. They’re family regardless.
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They are entitled to their feelings and I know it’s tough to accept. Like everyone else says I would ask them to be mindful of the audience. Express to them the way it makes you feel and the way it would make your child feel.
Ouch!!! I have 2 daughters and this happened with my second daughters fathers family. I was 4 months prego with my first when we got together. They acted as if my first daughter was accepted completely till I got pregnant with their biological grand child. I heard so many nasty things. I asked my then boyfriend to kindly tell them it was not ok. They are very toxic people. It hurt me and I started to notice they would treat my girls differently. I left the boyfriend 6 years ago and never looked back. Those toxic people haven’t tried to have any relationship with their biological grand child / daughter since I left.
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Trouble is, they’re not wrong, I understand where you’re coming from but it’s just different x
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My step mom refers to my kids as her grandchildren. When her “real” kids had kids, she never said oh this is my real grandchild lol it just doesn’t sound right, I’d say something
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Tell them to stop or you won’t be around them children here and observe everything
How old is your child? Maybe sit them down and explain. My daughter understands my
Other half’s parents aren’t her ‘real’ grandparents, but neither treats the other any different. If they have yet to have biological grandchildren, of course they’re gonna be excited when that happens, doesn’t mean they’ll treat her any different. If they do, pull them up on it
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Not nice for your little one sure he will get treated the same but its blood line grandchild end off the day
You’re NOT overreacting. They are wrong. Next time they say this horrible thing, look them in the eye and say that this is the ONLY grandchild they are getting. You’re not having another ( whether or not it’s true)
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Tell them that If they are going to be acting like grandparents to your daughter they need to realize that wether or not she is biological your partner’s she is their granddaughter and it isn’t fair to say things like that as being blood doesn’t always make you family 
tell them that it’s definitely not okay to say around your daughter and that if you catch them ever saying anything like that around or to her they are to be cut off immediately as that it’s not fair to her in any way
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I think you and your husband need to have a conversation with them without your child possibly ioverhearing.
I would start out by saying how much u appreciate them loving your child and being grandparents to him/her.
Then mention u have heard them reference being excited about being bio grandparents when that happens and u get that, but please don’t mention being real grandparents to that bio grand kid as it could make your child feel less than AND u know they don’t want to make your child feel less than as you know they love him/her. Then conclude again about how much you appreciate being part of their family.
I don’t think they say that intentionally and how it cuts you, but instead are just a little clueless. Give them benefit of doubt.
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Let them know how you feel. If they can’t treat them the same there will be no babysitting or interaction as it will be detrimental to the older child. She deserves better. It’s disrespectful and will teach the younger child to disrespect the older. It’s all about respect.
That is a sad situation . Perhaps they don’t think about it being hurtful . Perhaps you can talk to your boy friend and then y’all have a calm talk or just bring it up that your child only knows them as grandparents and you’re afraid it’ll hurt the child’s feelings and are you and your boy friend and family in agreement the child gets to still stay in their life’s as Dad , Grand parents of this child . Few people are that loving to keep a child that’s not theirs in as family should something happen between them and are you going to keep it as their the family if you meet someone.
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I brought in 6 kids and then my BF and I had 1 together. He is the first grandchild to his parents. They often say things like “Now we have a grandchild” etc but I look at it from their point of view and feel fine. They treat all the other kids as their own also but the fact is, our son binds our families together and that is a really special thing.
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I’d be careful here be a they are 100% going to favor the “real” kid
You have a problem say it. Because they will segregate for sure
My ex mother in law did this. Said she had four grandkids and two step grandkids.
I said if you can’t call mine your grandkids then you won’t get to see them. She changed her tune real quick.
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I mean if they still treat her the same I wouldn’t see it as a big deal there seem happy to have a blood related grandchild which all grandparents are.
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It’s not their real grandchild
Be happy they care some real grandparents don’t
You can t help but to love your own more it never means you treat then different you can’t help how u feel sometimes
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I was your child growing up and it SUCKED! My “aunt” would even bring gifts for my siblings and “forget” about me!?! I am 6 years older than my brother and his dad raised me from 4 on. Even when him and my mom were no longer together. It was horrible having half of his family treat me like shhh.
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Does the child not have contact with her real grandparents? I think it would just be easier to explain to your child they are not her proper grandparents but bonus ones like your boyfriend is not her real father.
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