I’ve been with my now fiancé for almost 5 years and not once has his family treated me like I’m apart of the family. They went 4 years without realizing one of the 365 days a year might be my birthday. This year his mother handed me a card and said “sorry I forgot all these years” we have a 2 year old and I have a 7 year old from a previous relationship. They treat my oldest son the same as my youngest. They don’t call or text to ask how they are but we see them on holidays. Anyway, they have never done anything for Mother’s Day but since having our son have always praised my fiancé for being a dad (that’s it’s own story) and always have a special lunch for him. I told him that it upsets me that they don’t recognize me on Mother’s Day (not even a text or phone call) but go all out for him on Father’s Day. He told me I’m being unreasonable and childish. This year we had already planned that Father’s Day and my brothers birthday would be celebrated together at my moms. He’s was fully aware since Mother’s Day, but yesterday his mother texted him that they’ll be having a lunch for him at his grandfathers house. I told him to go that I had already planned to be at my moms to see my dad and brother. He has turned it into this whole thing. Am I in the wrong?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I overreacting?
Heck this is my husband family to the T and we been married 16yrs I don’t let it bother me as long as we are happy nothing else matters
You’re still married … why?
Nope go be with your dad and brother your fiancé is not your dad let them do what they want for him …
I’ve been married to my husband for 20 years. Out of those 20 years me and my mother-in-law have seen eye to eye for one year and that was why he was deployed overseas. At this moment as of today I don’t have anything to do with most of his family. My husband has basically cut off everybody but his mom. No one in his family ever remembers that it’s my birthday. He did not believe me so this year I told him my mom and my sister not supposed anything on their wall on Facebook for my birthday to prove my point. I got a text message from one of his sisters that morning but nobody else. Around 8:00 that night I told him to go ahead and put them up within 3 minutes of my husband posting my mother-in-law was texting me. In a water makes me upset that they don’t recognize my birthday or me on Mother’s Day. The only difference that I can say right now is that my husband goes with me on a lot of stuff because he sees how his family treats me. Have you sent them with your husband and told him that you’re upset that he’s doing that? While it’s not right he may be just trying to keep the peace but he needs to know that you’re upset about this.
Sounds like he is just like the rest of his family.
No baby girl go do your plans don’t let them keep acting like you don’t exist.
Go be with your dad…he ain’t your daddy!!! And his family owes u nothing! They don’t have to acknowledge you or even give u a greeting. When u stop living for validation from others and start living in your own world…then and only then you would experience real pure happiness
No your not they are. If your not married don’t do it bc they will never change. What a sad family they must be.
Unless he has your back and tries to respect your feelings, nothing will change. You’re just asking him to recognize your feelings and to try to understand why it bothers you. Whether he agrees or not. You can’t change how you feel. Sometimes it’s a ‘pick your battle’ situation but I bet they talk crap if you DON’T go… Narcissistic. Start doing you and dismiss his feelings when it bothers him…
Mother’s day should be recognized by your children not others so if they are young it falls on your husband.
Nope. Not in the wrong.
Let his parents enjoy and celebrate him…. When parents are gone forever there is nothing that can fill the empty feeling. He is yours and you know that. When time comes you will b the only one that he focus the attention at
You are definitely NTA!
I mean… reasonable people would mention the planned times to one another’s family so that you both can attend both events. As for his family not celebrating you on Mother’s Day… it really doesn’t seem so unreasonable to me. You aren’t married therefore technically not family yet. You say they treat your children the same, that’s good. His mother apologized for missing prior birthdays… that’s good. You’re fishing for a reason to be mad… why?
The thing is for me it’s your fiancé not his family. He allows it to happen. For me I would not care if one of them wish me happy Mother’s Day as long as my husband and my kids did that would be all that mattered￼￼￼
Yes. His family doesn’t owe you all of these things. They are obviously committed to this attitude and these behaviors. You’re only hurting yourself expecting them to change, or treat you with dignity or respect.
Try surrounding yourself with people who like you. You are worth so much more than this.
5 years and your not married…fiance now because you got pregnant…alot of info missing on your end…if he don’t stick with you, time to walk and cut your losses…
WTF ?? He is only a fiance after HOW MANY years ?? What’s holding up the production?? Of course his family disrespect you. You are NOT family… yet. Is this the life you really want??
Nope not wrong. He is not acting like a husband.
Do your parents go all out for him? Buy him gifts? Acknowledge him on these days? They aren’t obligated to get you gifts on Mother’s Day, that’s your boyfriends job.
He’s their child you’re not. I understand you wanting attention but it’s not their responsibility. A simple happy mothers day should suffice from them. Do they check in with their son on how the kids are? Why do they have to go through you? I do understand why you would be upset about your birthday but you should have said something earlier if it bothered you. Go see your family. He should go see his. That’s what we do if our plans don’t align.
Not in the wrong at all.
It’s disrespectful for him to not speak up to his family and explain that you already have arrangements with yours.
He could have asked his family to reschedule for earlier, later or another day. If they refused he could have simply stated that he’d have to sit this year out.
I think that as far as his family not celebrating you on birthday or holidays, is a whatever. I don’t hear from my SO’s family and I’ve never even thought about it, people have their own adult lives, and even though “you’re family”, in reality your not. But as far as your plans go, no I’d tell husband youre going to your plans and if he wants to be apart or do something together they’ll have to plan to move those plans. Or he can go alone🤷🏻♀️
No you’re not wrong he can go to his moms and you go to your dad’s because that’s your dad and he’s not your dad
No if he wants to spend it with his family let him you should be with your dad… we don’t do holidays here really except Christmas and kids birthdays
Yes, you are overreacting.
Sounds like my mother in laws
They sound extremely ignorant
You are not in the wrong!
The truth is you can’t control how others behave.
Can’t make a stop at both
He could have asked them to plan a different day, so you could both be part of both things. But that family sounds horrible and you shouldn’t even want to be part of it honestly…
Youre not wrong. Not at all !
You did it right, after all, your dad needs his day to be celebrated too with his children
Sounds like he’s selfish
Been there before
Don’t why they think not to communicate with us if they have plans that interrupt our plans
I did my best to communicate with them but they never answered their phones
Not once did they celebrate my birthday
But everyone else did
My ex father in-law broke something of mine didn’t say I’m sorry nor replaced it
Spend time with your dad honey, your husband is not your father, just the father of your children. I’d go be with Dad. As for Birthday and mothers day it’s whatever. Do you send her stuff for mother’s day? She is technically your mother in law and you should recieve a praise for daughters day from her. Just my opinion.
It’s not up to his family to celebrate you. I think you’re being selfish. Make time to help celebrate his family too it is father’s day. Maybe this is why you guys aren’t married. Time to make time for his family and yours
I don’t think you are necessarily in the wrong. You’ve been in the family for almost 5 years and you also have a toddler with him. I can understand them going all out for him for Father’s Day since he is your MILs child not saying she couldn’t of told you happy Mother’s Day. You’ve already had your plans for tomorrow set since Mothers Day so I think you should still go through with going to your moms to spend time with your dad and brother. If he wants to go to his moms then he can go. However these plans were already made. It doesn’t sound like your fiancé sticks up for you or puts his foot down when it comes to the family he has made and I can see that being an big issue. I would try to communicate that. If he still can’t get on board, then that’ll be a pick your battles type of thing and let him pick what he wants to do for Father’s Day and you take your kiddos with you
Go to your Dad. He can go to his.
Why are you with someone who treats u like this but also let’s his family treat u this way??
Fiance? For five years? Girl, please. He gave you that title to shut you up. No one serious about marriage has a Fiance for five years. Give the ring back, run and start over.
We visit both.every holiday
Sounds like my in-laws. They used to call and check on our daughter, send bday cards with money, Christmas cards, but when we had our son they stopped (long story) but I think people like that are pretty shitty people. I try to look at it this way, the only people me or my kids need in our live are the ones who want to be.
I just think get ready because life is full of disappointments. We have to make a choice whether other peoples actions are going to effect us or if they don’t because we can’t control what they do. Celebrate though cause you are amazing. And try not to let them bother you.
Do your parents acknowledge his birthday, Christmas, father’s day? Generally curious? My mother in law has never said happy Birthday or given me a bday gift…it used to bother me I just don’t acknowledge hers either other than a quick happy Birthday if I see her. She never did my kids either or was ever loving with them… Her loss because now they are grown and don’t call or visit her and it’s her own fault… sending light and love
Why are they hey giving him a lunch ? Yes see his father but what about his child ? No you’re not being unreasonable at all x
No you’re not particularly wrong for wanting to see your dad and brother but I do think you’re being a little childish over the rest of it…about your expectations for his family. You sound jealous of your husband. Like you’re jealous his family is willing to acknowledge their son’s status as a father…but not pay the same homage to you even though you’re not there child.
I mean…Does your family go all out for your husband for father’s day?
Does your family get your husband gifts and stuff for his birthday?
Does your family do for your husband the way you’re wanting his to do for you?
Yes. You should have told him to come with you if that was the plan. If you’re not asking for what you want or need them why are you expecting to get it?
I don’t think you’re being selfish. You don’t need to wait for this to get better to create a great life for yourself, your partner, your kids. Be civil and have a great life. It is what it is.
Actually you’re fighting a double edged sword… Compromise and don’t expect too much recognition from in-laws.
No he already knew ahead time let him go his own way.
Similar situation but I told my husband I’m not going where I’m uncomfortable so I won’t be around on that day just to enjoy my peace. He can go and associate with his family on that day that’s his choice.
I call my mil on mother’s day. I’ve never expected it to be the other way around. I don’t really understand why you’re so upset about that. The plans yes I get it but I would plan my day to spend time with both of them
Family plans are always tricky. It’s a shame that you can’t plan to make an appearance at both places on Father’s Day. I can see the benefits of both celebrations for both of you and your kids. Try to go to both places. It won’t be too many more years until your fathers won’t be there anymore. Enjoy them both while you can.
Some families are bitter. You’re engaged to a bitter family ma’am.
Definitely his family owes you nothing
I’d straight up say I’m sick and tired of not being recognized. You get to be celebrated and I don’t. I’m not appreciated and I’m not going to be around anyone who doesn’t appreciate me.
You go see your dad and brother, and he can go with his mom and dad. That’s his dad, not yours.
I wouldn’t make a big deal about it, though. Some families are just bitter, and his mother sounds like she’s exactly that. She said she forgot your birthday all those years? What, did she wake up and just suddenly remember? No, she just didn’t care.
Let him go with his family, you go with yours! Problem solved
Go to your dad’s. You are not in the wrong. And he needs a backbone before his tailfin gets thrown back into the sea. You deserve better. He can do better or bounce.
Why such big deal motherin laws don’t ring saying happy mother’s days it’s up to your hubby to do that for your own kids to wish you that .
Your plans should take presidence. But, since he’s against going with you just go with your children to celebrate your father and brother. Let him go to his celebration. Then you will know how important YOU and the children are.
He is being disrespectful to you. He is also encouraging disrespect from your in laws. It’s His responsibility to protect you and your children from such disrespect and toxic behavior. Honestly I would change the locks after he left or pack a bag and not come back till he started to respect you more and be ame the man you deserve. You DO deserve better. God bless.
Yes because its not his mamas job to get you anything or even say happy mothers day. Thats your mans job. This is petty
no but you need to decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life
What does it matter what others think.
Stick to your plans! Sounds like his mom needs to have control.
No you are not wrong
No I don’t think you are but it’s not him you to talk to it’s them if you want them to treat you like family you have to treat them like family you may never be best buds but you can grow and have a kind friendly repect for each other commutation is your answer
No you are not wrong. I also wouldn’t be going to their place much at all. Since they don’t care to put in any effort with you. He can go if he wants.
So…. You’re upset because his family is celebrating him? They just sound like a close family among themselves. My family doesn’t go all out for halmark holidays. My husband doesn’t go all out for halmark holidays. Shoot we barely call anyone round here-except my mamma and my grandma. Take the kids to your dads as planned, and if he wants to go-he can go, or y’all can make two stops. Since 2008-my “MIL” hasn’t wished me one dang happy birthday. If it wasn’t for Facebook she wouldn’t know her grandsons birthday. But it doesn’t phase me-cause my family matters to me and takes care of each other. His family doesn’t need to.
Wow no, you are right! I couldn’t love someone like that and I sure as hell wouldn’t be seeing his family on holidays when they do nothing for you!
It’s not your in laws job to make you feel valued, it’s your man’s job.
Once again…this is why wait until marriage to have kids with someone. After 5 years together and haven’t walked down the aisle…they probably dont acknowledge you bc you aren’t married yet. Maybe it will change when married…maybe it wont. Who cares. My family and my husband’s family are same way. They do stuff for him…my family does stuff for me. Could be they just believe you should do for your own. Wouldnt stress over it.
Honestly once your a adult or parent bdays and holidays really are just there for kids I feel like… kids should be the ones that celebrate their mom and dad not everyone else… for example… on Father’s Day this year our kids will give their daddy something and plan the day inc not everyone else. Mother’s Day same way… you both should celebrate ur own parents and visit/call both sides. Bdays well that is a day you get older… your SO should be the one doing something or a friend not everyone else I honestly believe my last party was when I was 16 my husband and mom will usually get me something and some people will send a happy bday text… he seems to be a mamas boy and his family does things your doesn’t do and ur jealous of that. You shouldn’t be focused on what ur SO family does or doesn’t do but what he does. The only obligation they have is to love and except u. His mom didn’t birth you… y is she expected to remember ur bday when she has to remember everyone else… give her the same grace you would like to be given… do u call her up and get her a gift? Does your parents call and give your husband a gift??? Now the kids and not calling them… life gets busy. You have to involve yourself and your kids in everyone else’s life not just expect them to do it all… Are you trying to be apart of their family or are you just expecting them to make you apart of it?? Heck I’ve been with/around my husbands family since I was 14 I’m about to be 27… if they happen to remember they will message me but 9/10 times it doesn’t happen but I kno they love me sometimes lmbo just get out of ur feelings… Do you and your family that you made and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing… your a adult and so is ur SO… also on the lunch thing tomorrow… go spend it with ur father and brother and let him take y’all’s kids to his family house and spend Father’s Day with their dad
U in the wrong for putting up with it for so long.
Turned it into what???
Mother’s Day is for your children to show you extra attention. With your husband showing them what to do Not his parents
hmm what 2 say… as long as ur acknowledged by ur man why does it matter what they think or do…it’s a relationship with u & him not u & his parents …& I’ll leave it at that
The birthday issue I get but why would they be expected to do any for you on mother’s day?
You aren’t any of their mothers
The responsibility of mother’s day belongs to YOUR HUSBAND and children
Ugh in laws… sorry hun people can be so rude… I totally understand this… Tell him to go, and take your kids with you stick to your plans.
Nope go see your dad, you only get one and if you’re lucky a good one! Don’t let someone make you have regrets on that and especially people who can’t take a minute of their time to acknowledge you!!
By any chance did they know you had planned to go to your mums?
Divide and conquer. Make both families happy.
Common issue…can’t you do both?
Give them all the same energy they give you lol forget their birthdays and forget saying anything to them on holidays
Overreacting. Tell him to enjoy his day and don’t make it a fight. While doing so ask him to mention maybe doing something for you as well going forward. Tomorrow isn’t the day for him to ask but he should take you serious. Also do your parents celebrate him and love him the same way they love you?
Why would you devote 5 years to him.
Nope you are not wrong. He needs to cut the strings and stick up for you!
It’s not and never will be about you, your fiancé or the family. It’s about the kids. And showing them that they respect YOU is a must. Mother’s Day and fathers day in my opinion is for the kids. That’s what I used to argue with my fiancé about. I don’t care about the gifts I care about the kids creating memories… being excited to celebrate mom and dad. Seems like they’re being petty.
No, relationship is for you both to compromise and it’s not right that they don’t acknowledge days for you .my husband’s family was like that and my husband told them to do it right or they don’t have to worry about seeing him .he told them if they don’t love me then they really don’t love him, they are being very controlling and selfish.
Why should they do something for Mother’s Day? That’s not an extended family holiday that’s a holiday for your partner and kids￼
You didn’t marry them…
I would just return the energy. Have you ever told his mom happy mothers day or birthday? That hoes both ways.
All I can say is that it’s good you aren’t married to him
You are not wrong. People just suck.
Yes , absolutely overreacting!!! And childish
It isn’t a matter of whether you’re wrong. It’s a matter of do you want to live the rest of your life with a man who doesn’t command respect for you from his family. Regardless of what the family does or doesn’t do for you… what does this man do for you? As far as Father’s Day you should advise his family what you are doing for him in front of him and invite them. Also, what do you do for his family on their special days? Think carefully about how long you want to not feel a part of the family.