Need advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. I’ve brought up the idea of marriage often since about 2 years together and he always seems to want to get married too but after months and months of waiting, no proposal. I also want more children but he doesn’t seem to want more. We have no children together. I have one by myself. I want to have children with him. But anytime I bring it up, he doesn’t really wanna talk about it. He wants us to buy a house, yet I’m the only one working on my credit and saving. Idk how he could commit to a 30yr mortgage but not to me… I know marriage isn’t for everyone, but it’s something I want. And I’m getting tired of waiting. I want more kids, and I’m not getting any younger. Am I wasting my time with him, or should I be patient even though I’ve been patient for a while now? Am I putting too much pressure on him? We have a decent relationship, and I don’t want to ruin it over this, but I’m starting to feel a little resentful. I’ve done my best to make sure he has everything he wants in life, but he doesn’t want to give me the things I want in life. And I don’t want him to marry me just because I say so. That’s not fair to either of us. Idk what to do!!!
Stop wasting your time and move on. You do not have the same goals. You have already wasted 4 years. He gets all the benefits with no commitment including your good credit. Keep it moving and good luck
Easier said than done but you definitely need to move on
Hes just saying what you want to hear to make you happy in that moment. Actions speak louder than words and he is screaming at you that he wants to do nothing.
He is not man enough for you
If ye are on the same page don’t keep wasting your time.vyears fly by too quickly. You know what you want in life.
It’s time to say goodbye
Move on… if no proposal by three years you probably won’t get one
You can’t force someone to do things because YOU want them. Marriage and kids should have been discussed a long time ago for mutual understanding. You can’t force him to marry you. Maybe you scared him by talking about marriage 2 years into a relationship?
If marriage is something you want and he doesn’t or kids is something you want and he doesn’t … heck if you’re the only one willing to support the relationship financially and he wants to be looked after… read that ALL again… I think you know whether this relationship is worth it or not… don’t look for someone to tell you what to do with YOUR life… Listen to your heart and always choose happiness
You obviously have your future goals set and just because you’ve spent these few years with him doesn’t mean that he’s going to be the one to share those with you…if you have all these concerns already…you pretty much know what you should do
Move on .He should no what he wants by now
You can’t make someone be someone they are not. You are not on the same page and do not want same things. I know this is hard to do but you need to move on so you can be with someone that will want the same things you do. Seems to me that he’s using you
You already know what to do. Leave. He’s not gonna propose and he doesn’t seem to want more kids. There’s plenty of men out there who do.
You both want two different things.
He’s not gna change his mind and neither are you.
Do you want to feel resentment towards him in the next 5 years?
Honestly it sounds like a breeding ground for resentment already
You are wasting your youth on some who does not want the same goals … move on you will find that guy that wants the same dreams as you .
Time to move on…you don’t have the same goals especially when it comes to children!!
I really think you should re read what you wrote. Your answer is in there. But, you need to communicate all of this to him and see where he really stands with it all. Good luck!!
Time to out… hes not ready for all that commitment.
I agree with move on you cannot make him want kids if that is what you desire as well as a marriage and a home there is another out there wanting the same thing … Put your plans for your future in motion and you will find the person you are meant to be with on your way… Remember if you choose to leave he may say he wants these things to just to not lose you and then it will all go back to how it is now… Be strong go after what you want it’s easy to get stuck because of someone else.
If you are the only one thinking about and working towards a future why would you want to be with him ?
How about you propose to him? Then you’d have your answer.
And if you proposing to him breaks your heart…you also have your answer.
You should have this convo with him whether he wants to or not. A full on honest convo needs to be had immediately!
You know the answer is to move on…
Is he faithful? Do you trust him? Does he communicate with you? If you answered yes. Remember love is more than a piece of paper and a ring. Just my opinion.
Move on a future with him will not be good.
Move on before you waste your best years on him and then think why the hell didn’t I make the break while I was still young ,
2 years for me is the make or break point. A man and woman should know by year 2 whether your their forever or not. Going past 2 years without commitment is wasting your time.
DO NOT buy anything and put both names on it! This is not going to end well.
You need to write out a list and sit down with him…
Where are you on marriage?
Do you want children?
If yes to house what is the plan for getting one?
Tell him you want honest answers…sometimes two people just don’t have the same life plans…
Better to figure out now before children become involved.
There’s nothing wrong with what he wants. It’s his life.
If he doesn’t fit what you want then leave and find someone more suited.
Same goes for him
Nope. Gotta talk about it.
Tell him no matter what his answers are that you’ll be grateful to know how he feels. Ask him your questions then tell him, he can have a few days to think it over before answering if he needs.
Men don’t like to be pressured for answers but at the same time you deserve answers. By telling him he can take time to think about it and then respond you might get a better / clear answer
I was very upfront about wanting to get married and have another baby by 35.
It sounds like the 2 of you are in different places and want different things. It’s time to move on and find someone who wants what you want and can meet you on a level playing field.
Make a pro and con list. Sometimes it helps to see things in black and white.
Dont know you gonna get him out, but he needs to be taking care of himself. You are the man in this relationship. You need to move on. He may propose when you end it. Still end it. He is stringing you along for support.
Time to have a come to Jesus talk…(not religion) Sit down and firmly express, your desire to have a baby with him. Your want of home buying and marriage. Lay it out there in plain English.
Make sure he understands this is a “shit or get off the pot” convo… if you don’t get your answers, you’ll know, it’s time to move on.
He should know how he feels about you four years in. Ask him what the future looks like, if it’s not what you need, time to go.
Move on! He’s showing you that he wants to keep playing the boyfriend/girlfriend game. You’ve been patient enough. Love yourself enough to know you deserve to be with someone who wants to have the same goals as you.
He’s wasting your time!!! His behavior is a huge red flag!!! If a man really wants you he will make sure you know it, he’ll marry you, have kids with you, everything!!!
From reading the first 40 or so replies on here, it seems like there is a consensus. Move on.
I feel like if you have made it clear you want to get married and he says the same but then doesn’t follow through, then he is just saying that to keep you from leaving. He has a right to not want to get married or have children and you have a right to want it. Sometimes the timing isn’t compatible though and it becomes time to move on. Also, if he isn’t putting forth effort to create a better future for the relationship then there’s no reason to be with him. After 4 years he is still riding your coattails…getting all the benefits of being in a marriage but without commitment? He’s using you. Leave.
Seems you two have different ideas of the lives you want. I would leave. Obviously you’re not happy with him and it doesn’t seem he is going to change his mind. You have wasted enough time!
Wake up he doesn’t want to marry or have kids !! It’s time to move on.
men go after what they want …sounds like he dont want marriage or kids right now or maybe not at all…talk to him …
Why are you waiting to leave he already told you he doesn’t want children and after 4 years he’s not committed hon he’s not meant for your heart you deserve better for yourself. You make the decision for your life and childs. Don’t put that in anyone’s hands.
He doesn’t want to get married and he doesn’t want to have a child. Either leave or accept these things without resentment and continuously asking about it. He’s made his decision about what he wants in this relationship. Make yours
Wow… so I didn’t know we were forcing people into things now… what did we go back to the 50s? Hunny he’s told you flat out what he wants and how he feels, not his problem that your ignoring his feelings over yours. Go ahead corner him into these conversations everyone is telling you to do and watch how fast he leaves your ass. Quit pushing him and maybe you might get what you want, but keep nagging at him and forcing your views on him and he’s taking the next firm ass out of your house and into someone that’s actually going to LISTEN to him.
If you want marriage and kids, and aren’t on the same page I feel like it doesn’t have anywhere to go. You sound unhappy. Life is too short to waste time. I don’t know how old you guys are but I would say if you talked to him about where it’s going and he wants to buy a house but not be married you want different things. Best of luck
Girl wake up. A man who wants to court you and marry you will make his move and you will not need to persuade him. Leave him alone and if he doesn’t take this relationship seriously and prove it then he clearly doesn’t want the same things. I’ve always said this STOP CHASING THESE LITTLE BOYS. A MAN KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS AND WILL GO AFTER IT.
You answered your own question in your very first line. HE is your BOYFRIEND. He has no desire to be your husband. You have to do the best thing for yourself and your child. Confide in a family member or friend and move out as soon as you are able. Trust me, he will move on to the next girlfriend. YOU and your child deserve better!
Sounds to me like you are both on the same page … Just speaking different languages. Each of you wants something more/different than what you have.
You’re not going to be happy. Ever. Because you are always going to want MORE. You are always going to be looking ahead to the next train stop, instead of just enjoying the view along your journey.
He is telling you what you want to hear, just to make you happy, because he is content where he is. Yes, he wants everything you want … Some day. But he’s fine with the way things are for now.
The one issue that divides you is children. You want more children, and he obviously doesn’t. You’re right. Time is an issue. If you’re going to have more children, you need to find another man who hopefully wants kids. Good luck.
Why would you work so hard in a one sided relationship? Think it’s going to get better? It doesn’t.
Kick him to the CURB!!! ASAP
DUMP HIM…Obviously, he has another agenda…seems a little one-sided anyway!!
Aw! What a situation to be in.
I would tell him. I want to be a wife and a mum again. What do you think?
If he says yes ask him what date.
If not you will need to be prepared to go your separate ways. Before you ask the question.
I think people don’t talk about this enough early on in dating.
As an older woman my gut feeling if he knows this is what you want and not obliging. That speaks volumes
Run for the hills you cant make him want the things you want find some1 who wants the same things as you
Did this for 10 years lost my patients.
GET. OUT. You’ve wasted more than enough time with him. Find a man who will love you. And give you what you need. A man who wants a commitment and will be committed.
Sounds like his future, sadly does not include you. Some people are just not ready to commit, even when they say they are. Often times, they will say whatever to placate you for a while. If you really want these things, you need to meet someone who wants the same, instead of living miserably, hoping, day after day. I wish you the best.
Dont be with him and wait. I waoted too long for mine to marry me. His promises changed and broke. So i said bye bye
He’d doesn’t share your dreams. Doesn’t want to make you happy. But you are the one in this relationship doing everything to make HIM happy. He doesn’t work. Sounds like he’s got it made. He’s a loser. You will find that special guy when you get this one out of your. Now better then latter if you want more children.
Talk to him about how you feel, that you want all these things but if he doesn’t it’s a deal breaker and you think you both should move on.
His actions are telling you all you need to know. Now you have to decide what to do with that information.
No use to say anything to you because you aren’t going to listen anyway .His motto is "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for nothing " RLV
Actions speak louder than words. He clearly does not want marriage nor kids, and if u bought a house together, u would be the one paying for it. Time to cut ur losses and consider it a lesson learned. When in a SERIOUS (not casual) relationship with someone new, it is ok to discuss with one another ur desires regarding kids, marriage, a home, etc., sooner than later so u both don’t waste each other’s time. This is something many couples don’t do UPFRONT, and everyone is surprised when it doesn’t work out for those specific reasons. I’m not picking on u, cuz I’ve been there myself, and therefore want to pass on my “lesson learned” knowledge to u. Again, I wouldn’t advise discussing these things right off the bat, nor in a casual or new relationship, but fairly soon after u both determine ur in a serious relationship (no later than a year into things). Good luck!
Cut your ties, kick it to the curb…
I’ve been with my BOYFRIEND for 16 years. My grandkids are his grandkids, he loves me and my kids. Why does a piece of paper make things official. No thank you. I don’t need it.
He doesn’t want that with you, sorry. Next
Time to move on and let go. Sorry sweetie. It’s gonna hurt but he would’ve done it already if he really wanted it. He doesn’t. Trust me it gets worse the longer you wait for them to change or grow up. And you’re absolutely right.
I wouldn’t wait forever. Sit down and have a serious conversation about the future. If his doesn’t include marriage and yours does, it may be time to walk away.
Leave. He doesn’t want what you do and it’s been 4 years. It won’t change.
If he wanted to marry you and have a child with you, he would have made that happen a long time ago. He is biding his time with you… he is saying some of the right things (like saying he wants to get a house with you) to keep you around, but he’s not actually putting in the effort to make it happen… because he doesn’t actually want those things with you.
Love yourself FIRST, and move on from him. Don’t waste any more time with a man who doesn’t see your true worth.
Red flag baby girl - don’t ignore it !!! You don’t need anything else - get your babies and run as fast as you can !!
I would sit and have a serious talk 1st with him. If he cant give you answers that make sense or actions that show different, i would leave. He may want it all with you but he may still have that im too young thing going on. Ive been in a serious relationship for 4 yrs. At 1st he pushed marriage, then got deployed, now doesnt seem concerned with it. Hes 52, im 46. We each have grown children 5 in total. Long story short, we are buying a house together. He is 100% committed as i am. Now i had to fight for 5 years to get divorced (although ex husband of 20 yrs cheated on me, he fought and fought) so i was officially divorced 2 mths ago…we both have had bad marriages, raised our kids…so all of mines actions show he wants a future but acts like marriage isnt a priority…and im ok with that. You have to decide does he really want a future? Will you resent going his way? But do not just wait and let life pass you by for a maybe
If hes not satisfying your need in this life, then you need to find someone who will. Life is to short, hes obviously not wanting what you want, so find someone who does.
It’s time to move on.
Sweetie, move on… don’t waste anymore time. And do not buy a house with him!!! In a divorce he will get 50% of what you worked so hard for!!!
YOU are the only one working??? Kick his ass to the curb sis. He’s sponging off of u and bleeding u dry. Sure he wants to buy a house, have his name on the title… It doesn’t take a genius to see what he’s doing. He can’t afford to buy u a ring and obviously doesn’t want to or else his ass would get up n go FIND A JOB!
Marriage doesn’t have to be the next step in a relationship. It’s not a necessity in life. It’s not the end goal. Some people last together their whole lives without being married. So that really shouldn’t be an ultimatum. However, everything you shared in your statement, marriage isn’t the only thing you want. You want more. You want a family. Clearly, after 4 years if you can’t sit down and have a decent conversation with him about it…then neither of you should be together. You both want different things in life and that’s the sign to move on after 4 years. Not marriage.
My man and I aren’t married. We have children together. We own a house together. We do our taxes together. But we’re in no rush to run down the aisle and we’ve been together 5+ years.
You sound like you’re in a one sided relationship don’t waste another 4 years leave and move on
show him this post, being transparent in a relationship will help you both. Communication is key💝
4 yrs? I would have left at 2. If he loves u and wanted the rest of his days with you, he would have proposed already. You had to nag him and now he’s getting resentful? Stop being desperate! Love yourself! Girl, get out! Wake up! Smell the coffee!
I WASTED an ENTIRE DECADE… I will NEVER do that again… And i will try to help others avoid it as well. If he is truly not making any strides toward a future… Those are just placeholder excuses. You do not have unlimited years to have a child either. If he hasnt made a move by now…hes not planning to. Im sorry. I know it seems that 4 years will be wasted. But… Its better than 4 us however many more.
Don’t settle for a “decent” relationship. Be with someone who loves you and wants to commit. If your dreams don’t line up now, they probably won’t.
You should stop wasting your time he obviously doesn’t want the same thing as you because if he did he would be working with you to obtain it…
Ditch him! Doesn’t need to get married, does he. You support him! Either that or always be uncertain.
The only way you can change him is if he is wearing diapers get out walk out maybe run
Leave. I left one just like him after 5 years of waiting. Life is too short. Now 15 years later and happily married with a paid for house and a beautiful child.
Just speak to him and let him know what you want,and if that’s not he wants then you should go your seperate ways you need to communicate and let him know.
Get a new guy. Stop wasting your time.
Move on.He sounds like a free loader and no promising future with him.You can do better for yourself and child.
You answered your own question. Time to move on
You’re wasting your time. Runnnnn!!
I would have left a long time ago. Sounds like you’re doing all the work and he’s around for the free ride.
Sounds like your getting lip service. And if those things that you seriously want you need to go find somebody. That wants them to
Move on love buy yourself a house and meet the main of your dreams:+1:
I would leave. He doesn’t want to marry you or have any more kids and since it seems like you are doing everything why do you need him. Take care of you and your child and find somebody that really does care.
Move on! He doesn’t want to get married or he would have done it before now. You have wasted enough time on him. You deserve better. A descent relationship is not enough. Get out!!!
He doesn’t want to be married or you’d be getting married. He doesn’t seem to want kids means he doesn’t want kids, either with you or in general but it’s still the same - he doesn’t want kids. There’s no waiting or wondering, he’s not gonna change his mind. Find the person who want the same things. You want him to want you and he doesn’t. In five years nothing will have changed except you will be five years in still wondering what to do.
He would have married you by now if he was going to do so. Move on and find someone who wants the same things that you do because he clearly doesn’t.
The BIGGEST RED flag here is your differing views on wanting kids .