Move on, you’re both going in different directions and it doesn’t seem that he’s considerate to your needs.
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I would Express everything about my wants and if he doesn’t feel the same then I’m out.
You are wasting your time. Sadly, he is happy with how things are. You deserve more.
Time wasted, move on.
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Cut bait. You’re giving him to much credit. It’s been 4yrs. If he wanted to marry you, he would. He gives you the “I want marriage too” vomit to keep you on the hook, but there’s no intent to follow through. You also say you want more kids and he doesn’t want any…
You love him so you dont want to leave him and if you leave him, what if you dont find what you’re looking for etc… that’s just your brain in panic mode. Cut bait and go find a man that wants marriage and children… do NOT buy a house with your 4yr boyfriend… once you buy that house together… you’re screwed.
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Run like your hair’s on fire. Take a stand for your worth & what you want in life, go for it & don’t look back. You’ve been way too patient.
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Cut ties and move on. No point in stressing over things he obviously doesn’t want… you can do better… maybe he will wake up and realize what he lost once your gone
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After 2 year, if there is no marriage suggested…Move on
People do what they want to do, it sounds like you want different things out of life then he does, actions speak louder than words, what a man does or doesnt do is important, I think you know the score
You wrote this post and you are probably dreaming of a different life reading all of these suggestions. Follow your heart and TRUST YOURSELF. Why are you waiting for him again? Maybe you love him, maybe you’re afraid to be alone but if you wake up 4 years later and it’s still the same maybe you’re time together is transitioning into a lesson. Of course there has been great times and now you do what’s best for you.
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Please don’t get pregnant thinking he will suddenly “see the light” and want to settle down & make a nest with a family.
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Leave then, you answered your own questions
The problem is YOU give and he takes…got it? Time to move on and do not have a baby with this guy or any other unless you’re married. You’ve wasted far too long on this loser…he’s not serious.
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Made up story .just made to get people commenting .as usual anti men .
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What you allow, will continue.
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If he wanted to have a future with you, He would have done so by now. He would have put a ring on it, not tried to talk you into getting stuck with a house payment. Give yourself something better.
You are wasting your time!
I’m sorry… and be careful with the legalities of a house!
You are the only one working?
With credit and a savings?
What does he contribute?
We always think we need more?
You have a good job and a healthy child! 
You are blessed
He’s not into “it” or he would have been there‼️
Don’t let him take advantage of you!
He won’t change!!
Don’t set yourself up for heartache!
I would find someone who has your same values!
You don’t need to allow him to make you feel this way!
You are WORTHY!
Give yourself what you deserve:heavy_heart_exclamation:
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Communicate exactly what you want one more time! If he says no or stone walls you! Cut off all access to you and move on!!! I mean it no looking back! Especially if you want more children
Hmmmmmmmm Needs to be a two way street ::: fifty fifty ::: don’t sound like he is worth wasting your time and life on ::: U don’t come first in his life ::: Say Bye Bye to him :::Good Luck
Idk 4 years is a lot of patience if it’s not going to go anywhere. Men essentially know what they want so don’t listen to that maybe he isn’t ready nonsense. Perhaps he is just content and not interested in more. But you have to do what’s best for you and never settle for just content.
Weird. Did I post this? All these ladies seem to confirm what we both know. After 4 years and him knowing what you want, he would’ve asked by now if those were his plans. Reading these responses really helped me realize that wanting to be married and have more kids isn’t a lot to ask for FROM THE RIGHT MAN. These boys out here thinking well just keep waiting around for them to grow up are wasting our time.
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Read what you wrote and you have the answer. Your living with a freeloading man! Your living your life doing what is good for him not you! You are being USED! Kick his arse out and stop wasting your life on a selfish man who has no desire for commitment. He is in a position he can walk out the door anytime, no strings attached. I bet the house he wants would be put in his name and you would be making the payments. Girl get smart, don’t settle for a freeloader, get rid of him and find the life you want, your worth it!
I think you have your own answer… What advice would you give to someone else in this situation?
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Sounds like he doesnt wanna get married or have kids 
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Respectfully…Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. You my dear are giving him wife benefits but aren’t the wife. You should move on. If he doesn’t know and isn’t ready by now he wants to marry you don’t waste your time anymore. A man who loves and wants you will say it will do it. If you’re getting resentful it will only get worse. I hope you wake up and find a man who is sure about you and your child. Wishing you the best because you deserve more. All women do.
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Your not putting to much pressure on him. To me it’s important for both people to know what they want and if he not wanting marriage or more children then he needs to say something so your not wasting time. It’s okay for him to be like I do but not right now maybe in a year or so then yeah it’s okay to be patient but not wanting them it to separate things. He need understand that you do want marriage and more children and that if he doesn’t want them then he needs to say something. But On the other hand he could what it but is scared! You guys need to sit down and have a serious talk to know what each other want.
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I agree, you have your own answer.
Marriage isn’t in everyone’s playbook. But that doesn’t make that person a bad, or wrong. And forcing him would make you wrong. And him resent you. And just because marriage isn’t his thing, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Please, don’t let other’s put bad ideas in your head. Or down talk him. That’s not cool.
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I would tell him that you want to talk about these things. Tell him you want to get married and have more kids. Ask him point-blank if he wants that too. If he changes the subject or says no, then you should leave. It’s ok if he doesn’t want those things, but you do. Don’t deny yourself two things that are so big in life.
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Say exactly what you wrote…to him.
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I’d ask him where he sees things going. What his future looks like, what your future together looks like. You can give him a specific time frame to think about it, but if he doesn’t know then I’d move on. It outshot fair that he hadn’t thought about it and I’d tell him upfront that this is what you want and expect within the next few years and if ges not up for it that’s ok but he cant be indecisive anymore
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Usually men that want to get married will propose. Pushing the issue will make him run.
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You are wasting your child bearing years! Dump him!
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You need to have an honest discussion and tell him that you want a partner that wants marriage and kids, if he doesn’t you need to find someone that does as you cant compromise yourself your relationship wont take that xx
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Step back and listen to you gut feelings and act on it. You know what you want. Don’t settle for less.
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Walk away. Watch him get married in less than a year…
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Sounds like you know the answer. I told straight at the beginning, I won’t be in a relationship 5 years that isn’t going anywhere. If there is no ring after this year for year 4, I’m out, and there won’t be any reminders.
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I mean my husband asked me to marry me and I said no, a year later I told him let’s go for our marriage license, and we got married. Mind we were living together long time, not everyone is ready to do the same things at the same time.
I have two kids, and I want one more, and he’s not ready yet. And I have to respect that, as he was patient with me, we already talk about having kids, and it might be a possibility later on, but you have to sit down and talk to him, if you dont see interest in him, just next…
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Time to run !! Not walk you deserve better
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I feel like its alot of pressure. Men need to have financial security and to feel like they can support their family. Maybe right now he is feeling less of a man to give you everything. I’m sure he loves you very much but men are different in that way.
If marriage and children are your end goal then you probably won’t get it from him. It could be that he isn’t into those things or it could be that he’s not interested in them with YOU. Either way, it’s up to you to chase your own happiness rather than expecting someone to change to become it. I think it’s scary to let go of things, especially when you have a child that’s used to him and you’re building a life. However, resentment is only going to eventually ruin the relationship anyway. Better now than when you really can’t have kids anymore and you’ve completely lost your chance.
The fact he wants to buy a house and not get married is a red flag to me.
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“We have a decent relationship”…I’m sorry, I was hoping for the best here until I read that line. I think it’s time to move on and deep down you already knew that. 
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Boy, bye. Tell him to hit the road.
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If you let him, he will use up your youth. Don’t let that happen.
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I’d say stop giving him everything he wants, if he’s not doing the same in return. Treat him like the boyfriend he wants to be. I’d tell him your only into buying a house with your husband. Some men are just comfortable with what they have going on. If he gets all the wife benefits without having to pay for a wedding and ring then there it is. But if it’s that important to you he should and will eventually propose. Me and my now husband were together for 5 years before he proposed. We talked about it for 3 years before he did. I had to stop being so wifey to a boyfriend and when I did he got the hint and we got married! Just because he hasn’t proposed yet doesn’t mean he dont want to commit to you. Maybe he wants to wait till he has money for a nice ring. Maybe he wants to be more stable financially, since you said your the one making the money and saving. It could just be more of an ego thing for him. Like maybe he dont feel good enough right now about himself. If he’s willing to buy a house with you it don’t really sound like he’s planning on leaving.
If you want marriage and he isn’t interested, same with having more children, then yeah. You are waiting for him to want something he may never want just because you want it. One of you will have to give, that may cause resentment.
If marriage and more children are a must for you, than maybe you need to find someone who wants that too.
The fact that he wants to buy a house with you but can’t talk about marriage would make it a big NO for me.
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I dated a guy for 3 years that always said he never wanted to get married or have kids. He was a great guy and I always hoped he would change his mind. At some point I finally realized it was never going to happen and I wasn’t going to force him into something he didn’t want to do because that’s going to cause nothing but resentment. So I broke up with him and moved on. I met and married a really great guy and we’ve been together for 20 years now and have 2 kids together.
Don’t settle for anything less than what you want and deserve.
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Do not compromise what you want. You want marriage and more children? Give him an ultimatum… and leave if his future plans do not align with yours. If you’re ready and he is not, that will not change.
Do you want to do 4 more years with him just the way it is? Ask yourself that
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You are wasting your time with him. Give him the boot and start looking for someone who shares the same life goals.
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Why would you want to marry someone if you only have a “decent” relationship?
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FIRST communicate your needs and wants, his replies should be enough to make your decision on to stay or stop wasting your time. Have an actual sit down conversation, phones put away tv off kiddo in bed and have a heart to heart.
Maybe he wants to feel as if you’re both financially stable? But I wouldn’t buy a house with someone (saving your money and fixing your credit) that wasn’t going to be a forever thing…
Honestly my husband didnt want kids at first we also dated for almost 5 years before we got married. At first he didnt wanna talk about the future but I sat him down one day and told him we needed to figure this out together
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Marriage is not something everyone wants so i wouldnt call him not wanting to be married a “red flag” more importantly why would you want to marry someone who doesnt want to marry you
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Get a new boyfriend, he doesn’t deserve you
Stop wasting your time. (Sorry)…
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Definitely wasting time with him
With respect, please find someone who shares your goals.
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Do not give up on what you want! You and he do not want the same things.
If you already starting to resent him that will only get worse even if you do marry him. And I wouldn’t stay with someone who wants to buy a house but won’t commit to a relationship but that’s just me.
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What is marriage certificate gonna give you that you don’t already have? If you are 100% you want more kids & he’s 100% sure he doesn’t then you need to ask yourself are you willing to accept that fact. If not move on.
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All of these comments about how you’re wasting your time and to leave and all the negative feedback don’t sit well with me. I personally, am in a similar situation. We’ve been together 5 years, 3 kids, made big moves, have a rough relationship though. He just recently has talked about us getting married. Up until this point he hasn’t wanted it. While i always have, i decided i would stay bc i love him. Maybe one day we will get married, but we BOTH have to be ready. I treat him as a husband and he treats me as a wife. My cousin waited 7 years to propose his now wife. My other cousin waited 11. I would just talk to him and make sure that’s what he wants in the long run. If he can’t talk about the future as a married couple with children, then talk about the option of separation. But i wouldn’t up and leave after 4 years, especially if your relationship is good in other aspects. Communicate first.
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Hes a waste of time! Hes not married to you but want you to buy a house with him 
! Is he on something?? Seriously ! He dont deserve you and you don’t deserve him…move on and dont feel sorry for him …let him go 
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You have to be ready for your relationship to be over but I would have a talk and lay it all out to him. Include that you have been putting money away for a house and getting your credit in order. That being said you need to look at what you are buying into. You want kids he doesn’t you are ready for marriage maybe he isn’t. Do you want a marriage a mortgage and another baby and 5 yrs down the road a divorce because you are not on the same page. Hope you find your answers.
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Id leave 
if yall have talked and nothing is still being done then you know where you stand and where he stands.
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Hes telling you hes not the one love
I don’t get why marriage is so important to alot of people I’m happy to be in a really great relationship especially after being with a narcissistic asshole but marriage is a commitment that shouldn’t be rushed and if you are that worried maybe save him in the long run and just find someone who’s willing to jump into it then maybe you’ll appreciate more I’m just saying I understand you want more children but that’s also not for everyone too maybe sit down and talk to your boyfriend
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If he wanted to commit he already would have.
Are you stupid or what?Hes a freeloader and you want.to marry him and have his kids??Thats insane
So hes using you and you are calling it a decent relationship? Sounds like you would be the one committing to the 30 year morgage not him…
Here is something to think about . My husband didn’t want to get married at all all thur his 20’s and his girlfriend at the time was pushing him . We finally caved and bought a ring to propose and his GF started cheating on him and was caught ( she has a history of it.) they broke up and he was single for years after that still not wanting to get married period . He turned 30 we got together at his 30th birthday party and have been together since ( got pregnant and and majored before he turn 32 we have been together 13 years now ) he told me when he meet the right person(me ) everything changed . He was only pleasing his gf at the time in his 20 with a ring to make her happy . So maybe you and your bf are just not right for each other right now . And that’s ok . But I would have a serious talk and go from there . If your unhappy now chances are you will always be unhappy .
Ask him straight. If you really want marriage and kids and he doesnt then I think you already know your answer.
Your feelings are always valid. And so are his. And if they don’t match up than find the person that does want the same things you do. Maybe he loves your life just the way it is and doesn’t want to change it. Some people don’t need or want to be legally married and don’t want children…
Move in. You deserve more.
If he won’t, I promise you someone else will, I know it’s easier said than done but don’t waste your time waiting around. For a man to be a man, Find you a someone who wants and feels what you do, if he truly felt compelled in his heart to make you his forever and start the next chapter of your lives you would have never had to ask to start with. Don’t sell yourself short hunni!
Tough situation for sure. Communication is the key!! If you do not have the same goals, dreams, wants, wishes & expectations or wont even discuss them I would say that is a BIG issue. Your giving up your everything for nothing in return, how is that fair to you? Although in a 4 year relationship, to me it isnt screaming marriage or partnership but a relationship of convenience and one sided. You will not be able to thrive in a dead end relationship. People deserve to be with someone who is open minded and will to meet somewhere in the middle. Time to soul search and do what’s best for you and your child
I don’t think you are looking for the same thing. Find what you need.
My husband and I decided we were getting married 30 days after meeting. We were engaged a year and got married after knowing each other for 14 months. When you know, you know. You don’t need 4 years to figure it out. He’s stringing you along. Also, if he doesn’t want more kids and you do, marriage isn’t compatible. Don’t think he’ll change his mind in hopes that you can guilt or trick him into it later. Stop wasting time and find someone who wants the same things you do.
The old saying is soooooo true…
Why buy the cow when the milk is free!
He gets ALL the benefits of marriage without having to be married.
It sounds like he has got it made.
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If he really wanted to marry you, he’d have put a ring on your finger honey.
Honestly, if he doesn’t want everything u want in life then it probably won’t work. Even if he does propose and he doesn’t want kids then is it worth getting married? Probably not, I would make it clear what u want and find out exactly what he wants then go from there
He’s a lazy bum,if you are supporting him now you will always be supporting him walk away he’s not worth it
Been there, done that. I moved on. 20 years later hes still doing it but to someone else. No regrets
He is telling you he not the one…Actions scream louder than words…sounds one sided. I’d move on without him.
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Stop giving him everything HE wants, including a home. He no doubt moved in with you. You cook, clean up after him and do his laundry. Time to STOP ! Tell he needs to move out now ! Stop doing and giving( including sex). Pack his clothes and send him out the door until he grows up. This is not a romantic relationship !
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Would it be shit to make my partner read through all of this? 
Together 5 years, been begging for a child for 3, my son is 10 this year! I never wanted that age gap!! Keep saying I want to marry him etc and nothing 
wouldn’t even need to actually get married straight away! My parents were engaged for 18 years!! Would just be nice to progress somewhere
I’ve been with mine for almost 10 years, 2 kids, and not married. Being married doesn’t honestly mean anything. Vows nor a piece of paper mean commitment. Commitment comes from the heart.
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Do not buy a house together unless married. Definitely sounds like he’s not worth it… you both have to be on the same page about kids.
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Time to move on. You both want different things.
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You need to try to have a serious conversation. You might just be in 2 different places.in your life, and he may not be ready for fully commitment.
So then you need to figure out if and how long you are willing to wait? Or if its tike to move on
Communication… that’s all that’s left for you both to do
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Don’t put yourself on the Bargain markdown isle. Your bought with a price you belong behind a locked glass case. What YOU condone is w j.g at you will get.
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How about YOU propose? See what happens.
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You already know what the problem is. If he wanted to put a ring on your finger he would. In a lot of cases a mortgage is easier to get out of than a marriage. Doesn’t sound like he thinks you’re the one. If you were you’d know it and not question yourself or his intentions for your relationship.
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Time to move on…yes it is…you deserve better. Don’t waste your life on a man who isn’t fully committed. Keep looking for your forever while you still have time. I wasted mine with a man who was cheating and lost everything. Get out while you can!
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If he’s not your best friend and you can’t without a doubt say “I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to get married, because I want to spend the rest of my life with him anyway” then you need to be honest with yourself and ask what it is about marriage (or lack of) that is a deal breaker.
Do you want to be married or do you want a wedding?
As for the babies part, I can’t help you there…
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Stuff like that needs to be discussed earlier in the relationship so that no one ends up wasting their time…
I’ve always wanted to get married but hubby always said he didn’t… and I was fine with that because he was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with… however 7 years later and a baby he proposed and it was a complete surprise.
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Give him time. Not everyone is ready to settle down, even after 4 years of being together. I’ve been with my bf for 3 years. We aren’t married, and he already has 2 kids. He doesn’t want anymore at the moment. I respect that, even if I think about having kids with him one day, it’s not just my decision. It’s his, too. You need to respect that he isn’t ready for some of the stuff you want. It isn’t just about you in a relationship.
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You have one life to live. Make the most of it by doing what you are meant to. Many fish in the sea sister. Best of luck to you!
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I feel this on a really deep level. I ended a relationship after almost 6 years because of this exact thing. I wanted to be married and he said he did but never acted on it. I wanted another child and he said he did but never acted on it. It all boiled down to just one thing for me, did I want to put my life and needs and wants on hold for a man that wasnt and may never be ready to make the life choices i was ready to make and for me the answer was NO. And if i think back in it why would he have pushed for getting married when i was already giving him everything a wife gives, This is a tricky subject. Should a girlfriend do all the things a wife does? In my case we already lived together so I was already cooking,cleaning, putting out whenever he wanted and sooo much more I was already playing the roll of a wife so there was no reason for him to actually marry me. I guess it will take sitting down and evaluating what you want/need out of a relationship and life and decide if this relationships is worth staying in. Love is not the only factore in a relationship and continuing to wait on him to be ready could mean he is never ready and you have just waisted time and energy on something that was never ment to be. A man that wants to be married and wants to be a father will act on those things bottom line…
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