The guy is using you ! Dump him ! By staying you are preventing your self from meeting a totally perfect mate ! Quit wasting precious time it goes too fast !! Now DUMP his ass !!
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Sorry but based on the limited information in your post, it sounds like he wants you to buy him a house…
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If he wanted to marry you he would , don’t continue to settle just because it’s an ok relationship and seeing how your the one working and paying the bills n taking care of him then you obviously more of a man then he is so propose to him and if he say no time to move on , 2 people heading in different directions seldom end up at the same place!
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I think if you love him, you should wait until he’s ready. It’s not just about what you want anymore. And would you rather him agree to get married and have more children when he’s ready rather than having a child and getting married and not really wanting it. You should be patient, if your relationship is working great there’s no reason to maybe make things worse by bringing it up constantly. Let him think about it and bring it up on his time. . Maybe just wait a little longer and see where it goes. Why rush something? When marriages are rushed that’s when they fail.
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A man will DEFINITELY KNOW you’re the one from the beginning. Don’t waste your time like I did for 18 years. My NOW husband KNEW almost IMMEDIATELY when we met that he wanted to have me as his wife (only 6 months later). 
We married a year later after marriage counseling and we are going strong 8 years later…
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That’s so hard! You know what you want and ready to move forward in the next chapter of your story and his doesn’t pair up to yours…
I wait for my high school sweetheart to propose after 5 years and he bought a ring 
but it was just sitting in the closet drowning dust… I broke up with him!
Then after he fought to get me back, after a year and half I accepted him. We got married!
But after 3-6month the marriage was over, he decided he didn’t want to be married ever and he cheated on me. 7 years down the drain… m
Looking back I wish I would have completed ghosted him from my life!
I hope you find your pathways and I hope it’s everything you’ve hoped it to be!!!
In a sea of “leave” I’m going to be one of the few that tells you to calm down about it all. Ease up a bit. My boyfriend didn’t want to propose or have kids till we have a house and are in a good finacial state but he didn’t bother telling me that until we had a huge fight. Our daughter is our world but she set that plan back a bit. My best friend’s boyfriend has bluntly told me he wont propose to her until she stops asking him about it. Not only does he feel it wouldnt be a surprise at that point he feels she may resent him later if she thinks he only did it because she kept asking. They’ve been together 6 years.
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4 years is way too long already for him not to be focused on his future! You already know the answer. He is not ever going to give YOU what you want!
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You already said it. You want to get married and you wanna house and kids. He stepped up and is being a father to yours. Us girls want certain things by a certain age. A biological clock. Men have a financial clock. Does he have the job he wants? Is he making the money he thinks he should be making to support your family? My probably unpopular opinion is to speak to him. Give him the air to lay out all the cards in the table.it may not be that hes stalling and doing it on purpose to hurt you. It may be that he wants to get his ducks in a row first, if you talk to him about it and ask where his heads at. You will get those answers. If he just doesnt want what you want then yea. But if he wants more time to get to where he wants to be before that happens. That’s where the teamwork comes in of being a couple. You guys are a team and raising your child. You will also need to be a team to make the moves needed to get to where you both wanna be.
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I wasted almost 6 years with a guy who “wanted” to get married, “wanted to eventually buy a house”, “wanted our second kid and basically later told me he had wanted to wait and it was my fault we didn’t”… I found someone new and we’ve been together almost two years, he loves my kids, we just got married, and have a baby due this summer. It depends on the relationship. Some men just can’t commit. There are others who do want to get married but just want to wait also though. My brother has been together with his girlfriend for more than 3 years, and on their last anniversary he proposed and they’re getting married soon. His goal was to be with someone for 4 years before getting married and he stuck to that goal. It could go either way. But if you’re not getting what you want, it’s something you should really think about
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If all hes doing is “wanting” these things and not PROVING that hes actually gonna do it, then you’re wasting your time hun. I know that maybe marriage and kids arent for everyone or some people want to wait til they have a house but you said he isn’t even working on his credit to do even just that.
Maybe try to sit him down and talk about these things and explain that if he doesnt step up and do something, then you dont want to be with him because you’re not happy. Right now, you have no ties to him, no ring, no kids, you’re not gonna lose anything but someone with empty goals. Good luck mama, I hope you find what you need 
You can’t force a man to do these things, if he’s a great guy and he loves and accepts your kid 100% and helps around the house and respects the relationship and doesn’t fuck around and make you feel insecure and you’ve only been together for 4 years, I think you need to chill out abit and compromise, you want him to want this all on his own, you don’t want to force this because it’ll bite you in the ass.
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Well everything is been done for him, even the commitment part, as well as saving for a house WITH YOUR MONEY!!!.
ARE NOT ENOUGH BELLS RINGING IN YOUR HEAD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND!!!.
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You want a lot of expensive things and it’s very unlikely to happen in 2 years, if you have kids it’s very hard to then save for a house, if you pay for a wedding you the reset your deposit for a house and have no money to buy baby things, plus it’s only been 4 years, if you love him then it won’t matter how old you are when you get married
It’s hard to hear when 2 people aren’t wanting to go in the same direction. I’ve seen it too many times. You need to decide what you really want and find out if this is the person willing to go with you. Talk about it. Decide what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not willing to. It’s not easy but waiting and hoping only costs you time.
He can not a mortgage is one thing you can always sell but child is for a life time
Just got out of a relationship like this. Almost 7 yrs later he decided that he wanted none of it. My advice don’t force it, and don’t settle! If its something you want and he doesnt then either except it or move on!
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Dont rush…if it’s meant to be it will happen I’ve been married twice and I’m in a 3rd relationship now too for 4 years but I can wait sometimes marriage can ruin a relationship if you both are not not the same page…good luck
Run like you stole something and dont look back!!.. been there…got the scars to prove it…smh
Give him a timeline. Let him know you have this amount of time or your leaving! If he truly wants you he’ll marry you.
My best advice is to leave. I have wasted a lot of years on men who flirted with marriage but would never commit
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I wonder if you read this post from a different point of view what would to say if this were happening to your sister?
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sometimes love aint enough and when people think it is enough to stay they grow resentful. you know what you want, why would you sacrifice your wants for his wants in life? and if he sees it as a sacrifice i. his life to have kids/get married instead of a compromise, then why would you stay???
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Yes to much pressure. If he treats you right and loves your child like his own then you have found a good one. If either of those are a no then walk away. Marriage is just a ring and a party at this point if you’ve been together for 4 years. And pushing the subject of it is going to make him as frustrated as you are. If your both faithful and love each other then talk it out sit him down and tell him your concerns. If you cant do that then walk away now before you do get married or have a child together.
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Seems like he has different goals and plans for the future… just let it go u can be together without a ring on your finger… or you leave but thats also no garantie that the next dude will marry u and have kids! To much pressure!
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I was in this exact situation but with no kid. We were together for almost 4 years and we had our wedding planned, baby names picked out, yet he never would pop the question. I eventually set him a deadline and we didn’t even make it to that. He eventually admitted that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear and never wants to get married, marriage wasn’t for him. So I packed my stuff and left. Hardest and best decision of my life!
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Well the world doesn’t revolve around you sweetie. You’re sharing a world with another peron and all you care about is what you want. So selfish. I have a feeling this relationship will not work out and it won’t be because of him. Just saying.
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Just wait. My fiance and I were together for 3 years before he proposed. But, we also went through everything that would have torn any other couple apart. I love him, so I would have waited forever.
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You’re wasting your time. Seems like you’re the only one growing and he is stuck in fantasy land.
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Ok so I have a little story. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years now. I mentioned marriage once in awhile but didnt push it. 2 months after our 6 year anniversary he proposed! Once he did he didnt want to wait long we planned our wedding in 5 months we found out we were pregnant again in may were married in September and just had our baby. He just moved slow. I know it may not be the same but for us it worked. He just needed to be the one that decided when.
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If get the kid thing but that aside… if you are happy why do you want to be married. What will being married change?
I certainly would not buy a home together given your current situation. If it is only your $ paying for the home, it should only be in your name.
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My partner and I have been together for 20 yrs. Have lived with each other for 18. We have a son together and I have 2 from previous relationship. I have been married and divorced. He has never been married. We have bought a house together and neither of us see any reason to actually have a wedding. We have a marriage and a life together. Its only a piece of paper. Oh yea we have a 2 yr old grandson also.
He may just not want to get married. I have zero intrest. You may have yo accept youre just going to have a domestic partner. To much pressure and ultimatums can back fire. Maybe just be happy your relationships solid. That he lives you and your child. If thats not a thing you can accept maybe you need to leave. Marriage just isnt for some people
I’d say that’s alot of pressure for a man to even consider… it sounds like he wants a house first probably so that he knows theres always a steady place for your family to call home … then I’m sure he will work on the rest after that … if he grew up always moving around theres a really good chance he wont be comfortable enough to have a family without a stable environment… try sending him pictures of house and see how he reacts to those he might be a person who needs to see what he wants to save for … 4 years really isnt that long to be dating and not married or even to consider marriage… if u cant get past any of it give him a deadline and stick to it if he cant make it then leave… but if ur happy and his priority is a house right now maybe find out why his priority would be a house and not marriage or a baby
You have to decide if not having more kids and getting married is a deal breaker for you. At the end of the day he’s said he doesn’t want more kids, so if you can’t deal with not having more then move on or you’ll just end up resenting him down the road.
Sorry but you can’t and shouldnt be pressuring him to marry you. And if he doesn’t want kids and you do then I dont think he’s the man for you!! Either move on or accept what is!! You’re not gonna change him!!
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Leave, You guys seem to want different things in life, don’t wait around for his wants and needs to be the same as yours, if they’re not already the same now. It would be incredibly hard to leave someone that you’ve been with for 4 years. But you would have to ask yourself if you’re willing to give up being married and having more kids to stay with him or going through the heartache of leaving him, but then eventually finding someone who will probably be a lot better and would have the same wants and needs that you do without you having to nag at him about it.
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You leave sis. Don’t waste anymore time.
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It sounds like you guys are not on the same page serious discussion needs to happen or split ways don’t waste your time
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Maybe he has a different time line than you. Maybe there are certain things he needs to have before marriage. Ask him about his goals and what he wants. Maybe having a house is something he needs before he can feel ready to become a husband and father. Maybe he wants to feel secure, like a provider before marriage. Sometimes people have different goals and that’s okay but if you cant hear his side and consider his goals, maybe hes not your person. You have to be ready to hear what he needs, not just give him the laundry list of what you need
What you want is important how strongly you want it determines if you should move on but also when we love our partner we are willing to make sacrifices… consider it! but also voice it often
Time to bounce babygirl. His actions are speaking loud and clear.
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He could be telling you what you want to hear cause he wants a sugar momma , you said he wants a home and you’re the only one working . He wants no kids so he doesnt have ties if things end … I’ve been down this road
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Sis, he’s not interested in making babies WITH you.
He’s not interested in owning a house WITH you.
Sorry that you invested 4 years into a “dead end” but are you going to continue to invest more of your time? That’s the real question.
#HesNotThatIntoYou
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It sounds like hes committed if he wants to buy a home with you!
I would sit down and have a conversation with him. Tell him you need to speak to him about some important things. Tell him to let you know within this next week when he is ready to have a conversation. When you guys sit down to speak Ask him what he wants from this relationship and ask for dates when you guys should meet those goals. Ask him to be honest. If you guys don’t want the same things from life then it’s probably better to move on and find someone that wants the same things as you.
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Leave him. Doesn’t sound like he’s particularly committed
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He’s telling you loud & clear what he doesn’t want…why aren’t you hearing him!
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My advise is watch what someone does. Not what they say. He is not interested in making a life with you. Get out.
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So, does he work? Are you supporting him?
Truly does he never want to get married and have a child? Only you know, stay or go.
It’s time to move on and find someone who wants the same thing and is willing to make the commitment. Don’t waste any more of your time. .
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For me I didn’t want to get married but felt pressured into it bc it was the expected thing or right thing to do. I feel like if you love each other and are happy then what difference does a piece of paper make, honestly? I think him wanting to buy a home together speaks volumes. The kid thing may be more open to discussing after you’re in your home. I’d wait it out. Don’t leave just yet.
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he is playing you, girl, he has no right to voice his self and not allow you to do the same get out while you still young enough to make a life for yourself
Move on… you’ll be old wishing you had
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If he hasn’t asked u to marry him by now he’s not going to not tryin to b mean but just being honest! Don’t get into the habit of collecting red flags ladies!
Maybe just ask him it’s too much pressure … ask what his feelings are on the subject … rather then talking about it with strangers on the internet … kinda shifty really to go behind his back … with out knowing what his actual feelings bad thoughts are … not to mention the assumption that it leaves that he’s inadequate or lacking to RANDOM STRANGERS .
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Time to move on… He’s not the one for you if you don’t have common goals in life…
I think it’s time for a serious conversation about what he wants out of life. He may have grown up around broken marriages & just doesn’t believe in it. He may be skirting the issue because he’s not sure you’re the one, but he’s afraid of being alone. My best advice is to talk to him in a way he’ll open up. Not an “I want this & if you don’t, it’s over”. Ask him where he sees himself in the future, does he see marriage and children? From my personal experience, if he’s too immature to have a real dialogue & only gives vague answers- move on. My ex told me what he thought i wanted to hear, 7 years later we divorced because I “manipulated him” (his words) into a house, marriage, kids etc. Before you have this talk, sit down with yourself & think about what you want, and what your timeline is. Maybe he’s a bit behind you, or maybe he’s on a completely different page. Good luck my dear!
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“He’s just not that into you.”
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I don’t think you should continue the relationship. It seems to me both of you want different things. And if neither of you can compromise then it’s going to put a strain on the relationship. Also, I think four years is a enough time for two individuals in a relationship to know what they want from the relationship. And if you want more kids and he doesn’t seem interested then you need to know now whether or not that’s something you can accept. Life is too short for us to be waiting for others to take us serious. Sit and think it over rationally. What is it you want for your future. If he doesn’t want to talk about it or get involved with future talks then you’re just wasting your time.
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If you can’t live without marriage and more kids, I’d say you just wasted 4 years of your life with this guy. He seems to have no interest in the things you want. You need to sit him down and tell him that’s what you want, and that he needs to be up front and tell you right now if that’s what he wants too. This sounds very similar to my ex. I broke it off after 3.5 years because he wasn’t anywhere near ready for marriage or kids. And I was.
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Stop wasting your time and move on. If he hasn’t asked now, he won’t ask later. This man is too comfortable in the relationship.
If he’s seems like he doesn’t want to have a child, listen to him. Has he ever said he wanted one? If you force the issue and he doesn’t, it will ruin your relationship, and the kid will never feel wanted. Men have to be ready to marry. You have to let him come to it on his own. My 2nd husband told me long before I was ready he would marry me. After 14 years, we tied the knot. As far as the house thing, he really should be working before that happens. Good luck.
Its time to go, hunny. Somebody will knock your socks off
Sounds like you both want different things. Exit
Sounds like if he isn’t suggesting it he doesn’t want it! If you do he may feel trapped and it may not work out! Marriage is only a piece of paper and expensive! Don’t fix what isn’t broken! Now on the kid department if you want more you may want to find someone that wants the same as you! You will never be happy if you don’t do these things and you have every right to want them but it may not be with him! These are early signs and if you ignore them you will regret it 10 plus years down the line! Much luck and please don’t settle! 
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You need to have a sit down conversation about it with him. Not just casually mentioning your desires here and there in hopes hes going to pick up what your hinting at. If you think about it its not just your time but his as well. If you feel your wasting your time he needs to know that your feeling this way. Just let him know your desires and ask him what his are. Maybe he does plan to marry you and give you more childeren but has his own plans of how to go about it. Maybe he wants to get the house first and feel secure and stable with basic needs before going after the wants. You’ll have to ask him though to find out. If your wants and desires are not the same as his, maybe you guys can come to an understanding or agreement to help each other acheive both of your goals. If they don’t jive and you try to stick it out giving up your true desires let him know you may feel resentful later and it could come between you. If you guys are unable to have this kind of communication I would say your not ready to be married yet.
I compromised and got married when I didn’t want to. Now I’m unhappy, resentful, and stuck.
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Move on. He doesnt want to commit
Listen to Steve Harvey - he says it best!!
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My boyfriend and I been together for five years and had two kids and we just got engaged!!
Took my husband & I 5 years to tie the knot… We’ve been together 15, married 10 now. If it’s a legit, serious relationship, you’ll last. Don’t rush it. Marriage is a whole different ballgame.
If he doesn’t know he wants to marry you by 4 years then he doesn’t want to marry you he’s just taking advantage of you staying that long without a ring. It doesn’t sound like y’all want the same things and those are some major things to disagree on
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So you want more kids and a house but he doesn’t…and you want to marry him?
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If you dont have the same goals then no point being together.
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Sounds like you should be having this conversation with him…not random internet strangers
I want marriage but my boyfriend doesn’t. We will have been together for 10 years this coming October. Relationships and life are about compromising. I don’t need marriage to be happy, even if I really want it. Having more kids on the other hand can be a dealbreaker. You guys need to sit down and have an honest and open conversation.
Time to move on. Don’t settle.
Just a thought, so bare with me: Try looking at the larger picture from his perspective. Some men, and I say this from experience with a similar scenario, want to have the house before the marraige and future children. They want to have a place to live before they build a family so you have a place to call home. I’m not saying this fits your situation specifically but he may be looking at it from a different perspective, from a “provider” mentality.
Marriage and kids aren’t for some people. Stop pressuring him. If you can’t accept that then move on.
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All I am saying is marriage is a piece of paper. It doesn’t determine an amount of love and dedication to one another. If you can picture yourself marrying someone else, it’s likely that he is not “the one,” and you’re just looking for someone who will marry you. You have made your life goals clear and possibly he does not share the same goals. It’s important to sit down and discuss more children with him. You don’t want to continue down this path with him if you both want completely different things in life. You both want to buy a house but would it truly be a happy home if you aren’t able to make your family bigger/if he is forced to have more children that he doesn’t want?
Communication is key here. I would take your words from this post and have a discussion with HIM about it. That’s the only way you will find a helpful solution. Best of luck to you.
I had the same issue with a guy. We had a baby together though. Turned out the reason he never wanted to get married was because he had a wife in prison in another state. He didn’t want to be with her, but she wouldn’t sign the papers for divorce. He didn’t want to have to tell me about her. Lmao. Count your blessings. However, if you have different goals in life then you probably aren’t meant to be.
Ask him if having a home would make him want marriage and kids. If it is a no, move on.
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Yikes. Sounds like he’s stalling. If you are putting in more work, maybe focus on you and your child and move on. You shouldn’t have to wait around. You are right! You are not getting any younger. It’s ok to put yourself first. Do you love! Set the example for your child. Would you want your child to be in a relationship like this one? If not, there is your answer. Good luck
Sounds to me like he just dont want all the commitment. By 4 years u should know weather u want to have kids and get married to the one u with. And its not fair to u to be the one saving and fixing credit if he is the one that wants a house. Dont make sense. I kind of went thru the same was with my husband 4 years and no ring. I wanted kids and a marriage (not a wedding) a marriage. It was a deal breaker for me. So i told him if that is not want u want then this isnt going to work end of story. If he cant have a real adult conversation about the future then u should move on.
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No, not at all! If he isn’t ready I’m so many years-he will never get ready. He is just something in your life but apparently not a real man
Sounds like my last relationship of nearly 5 years…we ended up pregnant and then he left me. Find someone who is on the same time frame as you. I am now with a man who’s timeline aligns with my own and I couldnt be happier!
Uhhhh, you clearly want different things in life so split and call it a day.
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In all honesty you’ve answered your own question: You’ve become resentful that right there is a tell tell sign!
There’s nothing wrong with you asking for what you want out of life! You deserve to be happy especially if you’ve been putting the time as you e said!
Put your foot down & if he can’t live up to what you need than you need to make a move
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Marriage doesn’t gonna change him
I proposed to my Hubbs 13 years ago when I felt he was moving too slow lol.
So you need to sit down with him and say everything you said here to him then tell him he needs to think about what he wants and you guys can discuss it within 24 hours… if he does not wanna talk about it move on, If you two realize you dont have the same goals or even ones remotely in the same area move on… dont settle for “decent”
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I would just let him know marriage is really important to you .Explain to him that you would really like to start a family.If he doesn’t want to talk to you and you don’t want the same things in life . It may be time to go your Separate Ways. It will be hard to move on from this relationship. Tell him if he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you 4 years is enough time for him to make a decision. He either wants to be with you and have children or he doesn’t. You deserve to be with somebody who wants the same goals and wants as you do. I would not force him into getting married or having children. Because that just cause problems down the road. I don’t want your marriage to end up in divorce. Not saying it would but that’s a possibility If he is not ready for that.
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Sounds like me a few years back. I would literally cry about it. I was obsessed. I’ve never been married and I wanted a beautiful wedding and all that. I felt shitty because I felt like he didn’t think I was good enough to marry.
I bought a house a year ago. The day I closed I felt released. I no longer needed to get married. I have a good job and work my butt off. I have a 401k and will get a pension when I retire and I’m not about to give half of my pension to anyone if the marriage fails. 
🤷🏻
I became my own husband. 
My advice is to stop wasting your time. If it’s important to you find someone who wants the same things.
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my fiancé didn’t propose until our 3 year anniversary. we had a 2 year old daughter at that time. we’re almost to our 5 year & haven’t even started planning the wedding. we both want to get married but we’re not in a rush & im happy just being engaged for now until we have the money to have the perfect wedding for us. if this is something really bothering you sit down & talk to him. but if you both want different things, one of y’all is going to have to settle/compromise, & if that’s not something you can see yourself doing, maybe you need to move on & find someone who wants the same things that you do, where neither of you have to settle. good luck either way !
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You ever hear the saying “dont let your boyfriend keep you from your husband” if he has no interest in the same things you want out of life after 4 years I would move on from it…not saying its way to let go but there is someone out there for you and you will never meet him hanging on this one.
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My BF and I have been together a total of over 6 years…after the 1st year and a half of a long distance relationship he broke it off…said he wasn’t ready for a relationship let a lone a long distance one…we remained close friends after that…3 weeks after he broke it off with me he was all over FB talking about his new GF…then a few months later they got engaged broke my heart…then a few months later I got a phone call from him he sounded on the verge of tears basically saying how much I meant to him and a bunch of other things…it was a respectful conversation but at the end I asked him why it seemed like he was saying goodbye…he ended it with I’ll always love you…later that day my feed was filled with pictures of his wedding his family was posting and Congratulations ect…I died a bit inside when I realized it had in fact been a goodbye…non the less I wished them both the best and tried to continue to move on with my life…6 months later he left her…he said literally on their wedding night everything went downhill…it was nonstop fighting everything changed ect…and he realized how big of a mistake he had made…he divorced her…we’ve been together ever since and have two beautiful children together…he has repeatedly said he wants to marry me he moved from IL to MN to start our lives and family together…but I have yet to get a ring…at one point about a year and a half ago he said within 2 years we would either be engaged or married because we weren’t getting any younger…both our families want us to get married/friends ect…we have set and accomplished so many goals together but still no ring…although he has asked for my ring size still nothing…I am getting tired of waiting too hunny…
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If you guys don’t want the same things (kids, marriage, etc) then it’s time to move on so you can each find what your looking for. It’s not fair to either of you to stay together bc one of you is going to be unhappy. Why would you want to marry or have kids with someone who doesn’t want that? It’s only going to lead to bigger problems in the future.
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You said he’s not wanting to give you but you are giving your all to him you basically answered your own ? Leave and focus on yourself and child and if he wants you in his life let him put forward the effort of making you his and him getting it together if not you’ll be ok
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