He can be a decent guy & still not be your happily ever after. If your life goals aren’t matching up that’s a huge issue.
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I have a question I need some advice with how do I post?
If your goals don’t align, you guys won’t align. I know ultimatums are bad, but this isn’t one. It’s making a decision regarding the course of your life.
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Sit down and talk and if he says no then leave
I’ve met way too many people that missed out on having kids because they’re partner made them wait… If it’s something you want in life than I’d pursue what you want, living for someone else’s wants will only fill you with resentment and questions
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First things first! Don’t NOT buy a house with this guy. Cut the cord and get out of that relationship, he’s using you for his convenience.
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Seems you have answered your own question.
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I’ve lived that exact same life. It went on for 7 years. Way longer than I should have settled for! My ex never mistreated me. But the only committment I got from him was that of false hope and promises. Count your blessings and consider yourself lucky that you can still walk away from this situation without any messy custody agreements. Find yourself someone who wants and can commit to the same things you want! Life is too short to settle for anything less 
good luck girl!
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I’m definitely not going to say to leave. However, you’re ready for more kids, he doesn’t want more…you’re ready to get married, and he’s not…you’re on two totally different pages. You’re right, you’re not getting any younger, and yet you’re still spinning your wheels in hope’s that someone will change who they are, how they feel, and their views, simply bc you want them to.
I really will never understand why people get into relationships with someone who doesn’t share the same future goals and then become unhappy because they don’t share the same future goals.
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I asked my husband to marry me. Wasn’t even romantic or anything…more like your situation. Basically, Are we doing this together or not?? It could be a confidence thing. Or him waiting for the right time, or a promotion, or a certain income.
Every guy I dated, I always made it clear that one day I wanted a kid. They pushed on saying how they didn’t want one and eventually we broke up. Those are dealbreakers. Things you let slide now, are going to be problems later. Remember that. You need to find yourself a guy who’s on that same level as you.
If you have to pressure them WTF is the point? Don’t you want someone that CANT wait to do all those things with you? Don’t you think you deserve that? Instead you’re waiting sooooooo much energy on what?
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You already know the answer to this inquiry, in your heart.
You two appear to want different things.
If he is the one and you both want the same thing, marriage should be in both your mouths within a year, heck a month. Don’t wait around if he isn’t ready. When one door closes another opens. Don’t settle! Whoever you are with should feel you are the best person out there and knows they want to marry you.
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If he is not ready dont force it . You dont want both of you to be unhappy in a marriage.
I think you already answered your own question, but just needed to ‘say it out loud,’ so to speak.
Dont pressure him into it. I can tell you from experience… if he loved you he would know exactly what he wants and would do it without you having to pressure him into it.
Honestly leave. a man that doesn’t have the same goals as you is not someone you are going to be able to grow with. I wish I would not have pressured my ex husband into marriage. We were much better off as friends but only learned that after two kids and a broken heart later. My current boyfriend is everything I ever wanted in a man and we established exactly what we both wanted at the beginning of our relationship. We have personal goals and relationship goals and we have expressed what we want, when we want it, and how that will be achieved. A man that loves and respects you will not put off getting married/engaged and will communicate with you what they want.
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Girl if that guy wanted to marry you he would have ask by now an if he wants to buy a house first then get married an have the family life he would be working his ass off an doin what needs to be done to have a life with you it’s time you take the blinders off…stop giving him everything he wants…buy a home yourself for you an your child then find a man who wants to give you everything…it sounds like this guy got it made you give him what he wants he buys more an more time with excuses…move on before its to late…yoyr kid is your life not that dam man you should be thinking of your child only an what he needs in life…not some dam man
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If you two aren’t on the same page now marriage will absolutely not fix that. I would not buy a house with someone who wasn’t clear on exactly what they want. Figure out exactly what you want and need and discuss it.
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I’m engaged now. Neither of us really care for marriage. It’s just easier for some legal stuff. We didn’t get engaged until a little after our 5th anniversary. We already had a mortgage, we were planning a second baby. He wanted to marry me, and after getting engaged, the idea of having the same last name and all was pretty awesome.
We’re getting married on our 7th anniversary (this July). Our second baby is 3 months old, our oldest is 6 years old.
Sometimes the time frame is just a little bit longer. And the more it’s pestered about, the less romantic and loving it feels for the other person. Since you want marriage, you should ask for a definitive answer. If one day he will propose, if it’s a “I don’t know” or anything unsure, then you should decide if you want to stay in the relationship.
If he says yes, just waiting for a certain time, then just a little more patience is key.
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Psychologically speaking, he probably wants the house before offering his future to anyone. Even you. He may also want the house before he tries for children.
If he isn’t giving you what you want in life, why are you together?
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It’s a one sided relationship. He will probably never change, even if you put pressure on him, and you already have. Stop living your life for him and live your life for YOU, and move on.
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I suggest you go get your house and leave him behind defintly dont put his name on it thats a good way to lose what you have worked hard for
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I’d honestly would want to have everything together and be stable before getting married, maybe he just doesn’t have everything he wants and needs and then maybe he will be ready. Don’t force it, it wouldn’t last if you did
Wouldn’t buy house together.if your not good enough to marry.it will cause afight.put in as one that’s your partner not his or mine ours even to the children
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Having a child and getting married are two very big commitments. I swore I’d never get married. I changed my mind, and ended up separated 2 years later. I’m sticking to my guns now… Never getting married again! Rather than pressuring him that these are thing you want, have you tried talking to him and asking him how he feels on those things? Maybe he’s not ready. Or maybe he feels your pushing too hard. Men get uncomfortable when they feel they’re being backed into a corner. Maybe talk to him about it. Tell him that your feelings and opinions aside, you want to know what he thinks and feels about it. What he sees for your future together. If things don’t line up for what you each see your future together looking like, and you can’t come to some sort of compromise that makes you both happy, then consider whether it’d be better to go your separate ways
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Honey, you just said y’all have a “decent” relationship.
I’d say that’s all the answer you need right there.
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If marriage is really important to you, make it a requirement in the relationship. Hold out (no sex) and if he still wants to be with you, he’ll chase you. He’ll see you’re serious about marriage and if he really wants to be with you, he’ll follow your requirements. If he doesn’t, then why do you want to be with him anyways?
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Share your post here and the answers you received with him, then find out how much he loves you. Doing the honest, ethical thing is probably the best thing you can do. The rest is up to him! Are you that courageous? 
I think it’s funny that half of these women are saying to leave him.
Men do not think like women. Giving ultimatums or just up and leaving is stupid.
I think we’re all old enough to know that men do things on their own time.
Maybe he’s waiting for her to stop pushing the subject…?
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Honestly the fact you say you have a “decent relationship “ instead of a good relationship should make you stop and think about whether you’d be settling.
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A man knows if he wants to marry you after 2 years tops. He hasn’t married you because he’s trying to see if he can do better. Move on. 4 years is too long to wait to get married.
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He’s using you. Your a place holder. He’s just saying the things he wants you to hear till his game changer comes along. Move on, level up and when it’s time you will see your self worth more and the next guy won’t be needing you to convince him your wife material you will be so leveled up he will see you as wife material. Remember to get a guy that wants the same things as you. This one clearly doesn’t. Guys go after what they want. If he can’t even talk to you about what’s important to you then he’s annoyed that you even want to discuss these things because he doesn’t think your his game changer. Or I could be wrong and just been reading to much Gl Lambert lately 
Personally I wouldn’t even consider buying a house with just a boyfriend…
You should talk to him & be dead ass honest about how you feel & what you want. Ask him what he truly wants, if he says he wants the same but not right now, ask for a timeline so you know whether you’re willing to wait. Resentment kills relationships fast.
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Sometimes the problem is doing wife things for him! You live with him, cook for him, clean after him, do his laundry, pack his lunch etc. So he feels why does he need to get married if he benefits like a married man. Stop sacrificing your happiness for a man that keeps you around for so long without making moves.
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As I was reading along the red flag went up when I read he was NOT working! Imo, no house, no marriage, no more children until he is gainfully employed for awhile!
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If you don’t want the same things it’s time to move on.
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fine some one that will love you he dont. he needs to give 50% if he cant now he never will.
Well, continue fixing your credit, and bustin you ass, because your child needs that, but back off worrying about his needs. Let him do his own, and if your still together, when you have saved and fixed, ready to buy, be sure to put the house only in your name. And if he don’t like it, leave his ass behind.
It took my fiancée 7 1/2 years to propose here we are 4 years later and still not married. But you do need to sit down and have a conversation to see where you 2 want to be for the rest of your lives. If y’all don’t have the same end game then don’t stay because the relationship is good. Marriage is one thing to disagree on but children are not. If you want more children but he doesn’t that’s something big.
PS marriage is just a paper. The reason we are not married yet is because when we do we want everyone we love there. Which for us means traveling 1000 miles back home which is not cheap lol throw in a surprise baby and a lost job well life happens 
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I know someone who was with someone for 7 yrs , he still didn’t come around. She dumped him found a guy who wanted to marry and baby within a year.
Most people know within a year what they want with the person
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Time for an intentional heart to heart between the two of you. Set a date and time and talk this out. I’m in agreement with Mariah, if your life goals aren’t matching up, that is a HUGE issue.
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I think you need to tell him you guys need to really sit down and have a serious talk. Ask him if he’s serious about wanting to get married and if so if there’s a reason for the hold up. Ask him if he really wants more kids. Tell him you need these answers. To me 4 years isn’t really that long, so as for marriage it just may not have occurred to him that is something you wanted sooner ( assuming you haven’t outright told him that ). Some people don’t see marriage as something that important, some people think it should come after a certain point… it just depends on the person. And as for more kids if that’s not something you talked about early on that’s just as much on you. He may not want kids. Honestly it comes down to do you love this man enough that you want to spend the rest of your life with him no matter what, or is marriage and more kids a deal breaker? If it’s the latter than you need to tell him this discussion needs to be had and he needs to be honest because honestly you’re wasting his time and yours if those things are dealbreakers for you.
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Knowning what u want from life isnta and thing …I would give him a deadline and if he doesn’t show in someway to moving forward tell him you will without him…lifes to short to wait around and waste time
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Why buy the cow when the milk is free…and the rent, food, clothes etc? You are being used and he us content with that. You are doing everything to make HIM happy! If you think about it, would he do all of the things you do to maintain your way of life if you couldnt???
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I was in a 6 year relationship and the guy claimed he wanted the same things as me (marriage, kids etc). I ended up breaking up with him because even though I loved him and he loved me, it wasn’t enough. Now he’s 35 and still single. I’m 31, with my boyfriend for a year and he already asked my father for my hand. No proposal yet but from the start we have been on the same page. We have been friends for 5 years and I’m so happy we took the plunge. He has kids from a previous relationship and I don’t have any. We knew from the start that we to have children together. I say, it’s time to move on honey! Those 6 years were not necessarily a waste but I could have found Mr. Right a lot quicker!
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Me and my boyfriend have been together 10 years. Have 2 kids a house and dog. And I still don’t have a ring!! We can’t afford a wedding right now
He just sounds really laid back. Like mine, I need to make the 1st moves and then involve him. We are on the same page but he doesn’t act proactively
It sounds like he doesn’t want to commit to you fully. Marriage is more of a commitment to you and he knows it. Sometimes knowing the truth is more than enough to move on.
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Give him an ultimatum and he doesn’t meet it, move on.
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Def need a sit down chat and see where your relationship is heading. Marriage to some means a lot more to others and don’t settle for anything less than what you want and what you deserve
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Why do people need marriage to feel secure?? Like if things are fine and you are gradually working towards something then id say its fine the way it is🤷🏻♀️ theres more to a love life than kids and marriage, maybe for some people they just dont wanna cross that stage yet, but that doesnt mean someone feels any less towards you! Having kids is expensive idc, marriage is also expensive (considering its all for one piece of paper) maybe hes considering things that are useful before expanding a family and spending it on the currently unnecessary. either find a way to accept it or leave and find someone whos on the same page as you
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Seems like fork in the road time passed and then came back around its time to take the more difficult road he doesn’t want the same things and that’s ok people grow apart and sometimes even though you love each other its just not enough you have to want the same things to work towards a common goal or youll both get resentful and then youll be miserable
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Either he gives the same effort and attention or he is not your equal partner.
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Sounds like you’re settling for second best, honey. Time to make some big decisions. He should have known long ago if he was going to marry you or not. Do not buy a house with him, do not have children with him. He’s not committed to you.
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If he wanted to marry you, he would.
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Yikes man. What do you think?
Sometimes ppl don’t want to move beyond bf/gf because they’re already getting everything and living as they are married. They have no desire for commitment because they’re content as things are. It’s sad because if these are the things you want, he shouldn’t be be allowed to dictate you or string you along if he never plans on being fully committed. I’d say be happy you know now before you got married. There is a chance for you to find what you desire in someone else.
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If you are not getting out of life what you want then don’t settle, move on and find you someone that will.
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Have a super big chat about all your emotions and feelings and tell him this is very serious.
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Even married men want to venture out. It’s more the commitment than a big party and ring.
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Move on if you want children and marriage,and he doesn’t
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Where are you all finacially? Women have a bio clock, but men have a money clock
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He does not want to marry you. He does not want children with you. He likes the arrangement the way it is. He’s not working on his credit, because he doesn’t want any complicated ties. If you want a husband, kids, and a house, you need a different guy.
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Dont put off the inevitable its going to hurt but this iis not what your heart wants and someday you will b through.
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I would suggest sitting down and having a good talk. Find out if you’re on the same path.
If not, then you (both) would want to make a decision. Probably not an easy one, but a necessary one.
Your happiness and child come first. Moving on is not giving up. Sometimes parting ways is best and you may be able to remain friends in the end. Good luck 
He is not ready for what you are. Move on to find someone who is ready to be the man you need.
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Excuses are answers… Silence is an answer.
if he doesn’t offer what you’re looking for in life, leave. wait why? do you want to marry at 50?
Just tell him straight what you want what deal breakers you have. Find out his. You have yo know what your hard line deal breakers are though. You also need to know his…
Think about it this way Ma ya love eachother ? If so make a list on one piece of paper draw a line down the middle of the paper on one side write every bad he done to you on the other side write down all the good if the good outweighs the bad then he the one weather he want kids or not weather he wants to get married or not but if you don’t feel this way then honestly if you really want another kid or get married then just leave him
There is a man out there who is longing for the same things in life as you do. Life is too short your soulmate is out there somewhere