Am I selfish for wanting a break?

Do you ever feel trapped. Im with our kids 24/7 365 i dont drink or smoke with the kids. My husband drinks every weekend and i dont have any issues because i feel that he deserves it since his also our bread winner and works all the time. Well today i felt like i needed i drink and an break cos i felt very overwhelmed. He allowed me to drink but made a big performance when we wanted to go out to play pool and dance. Im feel like its really unfair. I honestly feel like i need some me time, a break from the kids, Mybe im selfish but im emotionally and physically drained and i love me kids but i just want a day to reset

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I selfish for wanting a break?

I have a real problem with the “allowed” part. It’s absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting and needing time for yourself. In order to be the best for your children you have to take care of YOU first!

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He “allowed” you to drink? How old are you? 5? You’re allowed some me time. And you should do it. Don’t wait for his approval. You shouldn’t be asking for permission. Let him know you are going out for a couple hours and he is staying with the kids.

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Just because he is the bread winner doesn’t me he needs to go out all the time. You at home taking care of the house and y’all’s kids is a full time job itself ! My ex husband did this to me all the time. He needs to recognize the hard work you are doing as well. Y’all are supposed be a team . He isn’t better than you and you aren’t better than him. Hope you figure it out . All the best to you.

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Im a stay at home mom as well and it’s a full time job in itself. If anything, he is being selfish for not helping you get the time off you deserve. Your job is 24/7 while he does what 8,10,12 hrs get to come home a relax and have fun on the weekends while you work til you go to sleep. Not okay. I also have a problem with “allowed” you should not have to ask for permission to have well deserved time to yourself.

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He doesn’t deserve anything more than you. Please stop thinking you are less deserving. Don’t let anyone run you over!

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He “allowed” you??? He doesn’t get a say!! This just screams manipulation and control on his part.

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Taking care of the house and kids IS a full time job and when he’s off work it’s a shared job that he should be putting time into as well. At least one day of the weekend i do nothing. One day i make my husband and kids help me clean. We each get a day to sleep in. About once a month we each go out without each other or the kids, usually with our mom/dad friends also without their kids, it’s extremely helpful for our relationship with each other and our children for us to get breaks. I don’t ask permission, i just check if he has plans that day then tell him I’m going out with whoever to wherever that day so he knows to plan to be home with the kids.

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Ok… I’m having an issue with the word ALLOWED. He’s your husband, the daddy, he shouldn’t be dictating. He’s your partner. Your partner has had the better end of the deal. Time to redistribute the weight so you get a break too.

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This makes me so sad we only live once you deserve to glow, be happy and thrive too! Dependence is so important with relationships I’d never let a man take that from me again! I raise my 4 yr old and 11 year 24.7 alone. And since i had my oldest I always run away to the casino alone it’s my getaway place I take a set amount! Talk to your husband you do need time for your self whether it’s eating with a friend, doing your nails or hair, shopping it’s so important you get time for you even a hour or two your husband needs to respect you! I’m beyond grateful my kids are in a daycare setting and after school program so I can work and have space and they can be involved with other kids too. Maybe it’s time you get a little part time job and ask family to support you. Since hubby doesn’t you need your own dependence if it’s a hobby, work, spa day. I found a big church also and they have daycare their and it’s helped to meet lots of good people friends to make plans outside of church you need a support system too!

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“Allowed”?!?! I am so sorry. Self care and breaks are not selfish.

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SAH parenting is a 24/7 job. You need adult time periodically too and he needs alone time to bond with his kids.

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I don’t even have young children at home and I still get a day to myself, I told my dude a long time ago… I deserve ONE DAY where I don’t cook, clean or do ANYTHING except for me… He gets 2 days EVERY week… I’ve gotten my day ever since I told him🤷‍♀️

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Taking care of yourself is not selfish. You take care of everyone else, why should you deserve any less?
And if mom guilt is a problem, remember that taking care of you IS taking care of them. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

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You absolutely need “you time”, you are so much more than a mom and wife. If you don’t nature your friendships and take time out for yourself, you will start resenting those parts of your life that fill the 24/7/365. If your spouse doesn’t support your need for a healthy balance in your life, then possibly the two of you need to sit down with a counselor.

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Tell him he’s Allowed to stay home and watch the kids while you go have some ME time! He sounds like a Control Freak!

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Being a wife and mother is a full time job. It doesn’t come with financial compensation but it’s a job. What is important is that you and your partner share some of the household duties to give you some down time.
Having adult time and alone time with your spouse is important. Get a sitter and have date nights with your husband.
Talk with your husband. Let him know how you feel.

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My husband does not allow me to do anything if I want to do it I do! That being said we do mostly together it’s called a relationship not dictatorship.

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That is not selfish. He works probably a 40-50 hour week, you work 24/6, 365. There is no comparing honestly. Yes, he deserves some down time too but you literally probably get zero of that and he needs to step up and even things out.

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Get a sitter ! It’s a great investment in your emotional stability :black_heart:

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Hugs❤️ you desrve a break everybody does. So please dont feel like your feelings aren’t valid bc they are

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You should have 1-2 days a week you can get a few hours to yourself. That is not asking too much. Maybe you can put the kids to bed a little earlier to squeeze a few hours in for yourself at the end of the day, without needing his help.

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You need breaks too, not just him. And just because he makes the money doesn’t mean your job is invalid. You take care of, keep safe, and are there for your kids 24/7 365, like you said. It’s not selfish at all of you to need to get out and honestly I think it should be a regular thing you are allowed to do. Maybe try sitting down and talking to him and let him know that you need breaks too. Maybe plan who gets breaks on what days so you both know what to expect in advance. Good luck and your doing great Mama :relaxed:

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You are absolutely not being selfish. You deserve to have a few days a month to yourself. I never loved anything more than being a mom but that doesn’t mean we don’t get stressed out and feel like we’re suffocating when we don’t have at least a few days to do what we would like to do

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Please don’t wait for “permission”, make plans, set plans in motion, then tell your husband your going out for the day. And he can stay home with the kids. And if he then needs to validate himself by also having a “day off” after you, tell him that’s just fine, but your taking a day off! Mothers, wives, single mothers, grandmothers even, we all need time off, time away, quiet time, whatever you want to call it!

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It is not selfish, you are not selfish. It’s required so that you can fill your cup to keep going for your babies, & when you fill it you can pour into your kids cup. The whole process needs you to be able to function and taking care of yourself is where it starts. You deserve it.

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Just bc your husband pays the bills doesn’t mean he owns you, with you staying with the children & cooking, taking care of household needs, including sex…lol, your contributing as much as him, if not more., besides the children need a break from you too…You do you! .life is to short! Live it!:heart:

“allowed”… Tell your husband on Saturday morning that you need a break and it’s his turn to watch the kids and just leave the house and go some where quiet. Schedule a massage, take a walk in the park or go to your local library or coffee shop to unwind

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First problem here is he “allowed” you to drink. You are an adult, a partner, part of a team…there is no being allowed to do things, it works both ways. You aren’t being selfish, you are looking for some help, a team effort. Why can’t you and your husband go out together and get a babysitter or have a family member watch the kids? Why can’t your husband spend a few hours with the kids since he works and goes out often, maybe the kids would enjoy that time alone with him.

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Woah He allowed you to drink??? Honey you need to set your hubby straight!!! And do it now. Today. He don’t allow nothing. And he don’t babysit his own kids. Tell him you’re going out and it’s his turn at daddy daycare. Pffft ALLOW!!! NO FREAKING WAY.

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You need your “me time” momma! Every one of us do. It should never be about daddies getting breaks and getting to do what they want when they want and the mommies having to ask and have permission… To me that’s wrong. I understand some men are the only providers but mothers do a LOT and a very stressful responsibility mostly by themselves. You deserve a break and deserve a day of quiet and to recharge.

I’m losing my own identity because I’m JUST mom. I don’t even know who Paige is anymore and I’m trying to explain this to my family around me and yet nobody has given me the chance to be Paige for a day and I’m mentally going crazy… I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Trust me, there’s a LOT of us who completely feel the same way. IM THINKING OF YOU 🫶🏽

Then take it you need a break too. Your husband can chill out and give you some much needed me time. Remind him that you have a full time 24 hour job caring for your family and even though he works outside the home for a paycheck your working too.

“Allowed”, holy crap lady!! For years my hubby went out alone, had hobbies etc… I never felt like I should. And one lunch alone years ago, lead to many, many lunch dates, dinners out, drinks, paint n sips, just about anything. You are a person who deserves a break too. As long as you take care of your responsibilities as you should then you should get any sort of break you want!!! Period

It’s not selfish. You can’t give from an empty tank. Breadwinner or not you work hard all day with the kids. My husband I have the understanding that our jobs may be different but both equally as important. So just like him you need time off sometimes.

Everyone needs their me time. Doesn’t matter who is work a job or taking care of kids. It’s tiring in different ways.

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U don’t need his permission to do anything. TELL him U need time to yourself and leave him with the kids. Just because he works it doesn’t mean that he stops being a Dad.

I’m sorry but if you’re partner can’t help out with the kids you need a partner who will respect you and your needs.just because he’s the bread winner, does not mean your beneath him.relationships take two people to make it work. Team work two…

There’s nothing wrong with being overwhelmed and needing time for yourself. Moms need time without their kids too. Being with kids all the time is just as hard of a job as working is. You deserve ir just as well as your husband does.

That’s not selfish. That’s being human. When those kiddos go to sleep sit down for an hour and watch what you want and have that drink. Relax. When you stay home with your kids, you’re a wife plus you have the bills to tend to and make sure is paid, the grocery list, the cooking dinner to satisfy all, the taking care of them while they’re sick, the cleaning, the making sure the house is full of needs, making sure everyone has clothes etc, helping with homework, getting them to and from school, doctor appointments…geez the list goes on! We are working 24/7 and take on A LOT!!! Most men don’t see that. You’re doing a lot mama. Take time out for you. I do on the weekends. I call it my reset button. I have a cold one and listen to music with a small fire. I relax. You have to have that or you will lose yourself and break down.

Oof. This is kind of yikes.
You absolutely deserve time off. Just because he brings home the money does not mean that your are not contributing exponentially to your household. He does not deserve any more than you. You are working far more hours than him being SAH. Earning the money does not make him superior and you are saving your family tons of money on childcare. Please discuss the inequality/different expectations with your spouse.

Only selfish person in the room is your husband! Being a full time stay at home mom is a huge undertaking and needing a few moments here and there to remeber who you are outside if being a mom is good for you, your kids and ultimately your husband. You not feeling overwhelmed, touched out and like everyone’s mother (including his) will end up in you feeling a lot more like a woman and a wife! Smart man would encourage you to get out and relax and recharge and remember what it like to be something other than a mom and a caregiver.

He allowed you? You don’t need his permission but you do need me time

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You definitely deserve a little time for yourself. Otherwise you will become resentful & “emorionally bankrupt”.
If there is no daily member to help, or you can’t afford a sitter, get into a reciprocal arrangement with a friend or neighbor who also has kids. You can then watch each other’s kids when you take some time for yourself.

Definitely not selfish. Remember… you can’t take care of your children if you don’t take care of yourself first. He may be the “bread winner”… but your job is no walk in the park. You deserve a day to yourself if not more.

Don’t feel bad at all… You deserve a day to reset… Being a stay-at-home mom is a hard job!!! Reward yourself with some me time!!!

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It works both ways all parents need a break your not being selfish your husband is actually because he is more worried about having time out instead of helping you out with his children so you can have a break it won’t hurt him to stay home and spend time with his children.

Everyone needs their time and space but be careful not to make it drinking to escape you and husband. Bad for you and addictions. Bad coping skill for kids to mimic

I leave on Friday FOR A WHOLE WEEK. Ur husband’s an asshole you shouldnt have to ask to do what you want to do. I love my kids and our life but if we didnt take breaks we’d go nuts

No you deserve a break, I’m a mom and I take a break when needed, the fact that my daughter’s dad i aren’t together and at least once a month i ask for break and he takes our daughter for the weekend (sometimes more than once a month he asks to take her). I enjoy being a mom even more because I make time for me.

Why do you need to ask permission for getting a break, I believe marriage is a shared responsibility and your husband needs to step up, he isn’t a child and yes he works as he takes home the wages, are you getting paid for looking after the children …

Girl it’s not selfish at all. Plan something with a friend or family member. Leave. Go to dinner. Drinks. Coffee. Shopping. Or go all out and have a mini vacay.

Just because he works what everyone considers “a real job” does not make him better than or more entitled than you. You have a full time job at home taking care of children, your home, and day to day life. I am a mother of 7, I do not stay at home, I work full-time installing windows BUT I’ve had the opportunity to be a stay at home mom and went looney, I love my kids with my whole heart but being trapped in a house with wild hooligans doing the same thing every single day is mentally and physically tiring. In order to be a happy healthy mom for your kiddos you need to get some “me time,” be it going to the grocery store alone, going and getting your hair done, or simply taking a walk, it’s healthy to have some alone time where you focus on you because let’s be serious, at home all we focus on is hubby and the kids! Even with work and kids everyday all day, I still take Saturday nights, after my kids are in bed (they go to bed at 9 on the dot like clockwork lol) my mom watches the kids for us so my hunny and I can go out and have a couple drinks and enjoy some us time. Your a human, not a slave, you do alot for your family, you deserve a break every now and then!

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allowed you to drink… you need some help but not with the kids… :frowning:

Sounds like he’s teaching you how to be a single mum , if all that he is showing you is that you can do it all by yourself ,then wtf you need him for ,:thinking:

He shouldn’t “allow” you to do anything when it comes to your mental and emotional health. Every parent deserves at least 1 day of the week to be able to unwind and take a break. How is he able to do his weekly breaks and you’re supposed to be left with everything all the time? Nah dude, it ain’t the 50’s anymore and men are to contribute 100% at home.

The kids need a mom that is happy- which means you need to get a break from your demanding day time job with the kids. Ignore him and enjoy some time off every now and then!

Wait… he “allowed” you to?
No. Are you his child?!
Whenever you WANT a break, not even need, but WANT a break, you put those kids on his lap, and you go out and get your break. No asking. No begging. No waiting until you have a breakdown. Go. Do it. They’re his kids too and he’s OBLIGATED to take care of them too.

Maybe look for a part time job you can do on his days off. Yes its work but it not only helps financially but you get to be around other people. That will force him to spend time doing child care and it will wake his ass up how much you do do.

I remember when I thought a I had to drink to have a good time.

You need some you time to recharge, same as he does. He’s the Daddy if he can’t watch them pay a sitter and do you.

Why would you have to ask permission to have a drink. You’re a grown woman so take a day , get a baby sitter and have a drink with friends.

You absolutely need a day to yourself. You are not just a mom, you’re a woman and deserve to feel that way

Whether you’re the working partner or the stay at home partner you both deserve a break, you also need to feel heard and respected. Stop Telling yourself he deserves it because he puts his energy into making the money. You put your energy into the family life and there’s no end to that. It’s constant. I’ve been a stay at home mum and a working mum and believe me working is wayyyy easier! Sounds like you need to adjust your mentality. Don’t let anyone “allow” you, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for needing you time. We all need that

“he allowed me to have a drink”
Lost me right there :flushed:

He controls you. Physically, mentally, financially. And that all together is called abuse. If he isn’t allowing you a little break, if he’s telling you to do/not to do, not giving you a bit of money so you can go out, is abuse. You’re not selfish. Not one bit. Once you learn to step up for yourself you won’t ask, You’ll inform him of your plans ahead of time to be considerate and you’ll go take a break. He’s your partner, not your father.

I’m sorry I agree with a lot of people allowed me and my girlfriend been together for almost 2 years come January I don’t say it loud I asked her what she wants to do and she asked what I want we work together if not me me that’s what it sounds like to me with that guy yeah he may work 8:10-12 hour shifts but you need to get off his ass and help you out give you a couple days a week to go have some fun yourself if not you really need to sit down and evaluate your relationship with him cuz he thinks he’s just think you’re his maid in the woman to take care of his kids I don’t have no kids but I do know it takes two to take care of them if he’s not spending time with them you really do need to get out in my eyes it looks like he controlling you

Excuse me??? He ALLOWED you??? You deserve a break more than he does…. Have him stay at home with the kiddos and see how he handles it…,
Smh

YES! Send them to grandma’s house. Call their friends parents and ask if they or one can spend the night. Each kids friend. It doesn’t have to be the same. Us Momma’s will understand and be happy to help. We all need a break. That’s human nature. We can only take so much. Going out with out you is detrimental to your marriage btw. Your allowing freedoms that are being taken advantage of. He doesn’t see your need because he’s not there. He’s working or gone partying. When is there you and him time? When is there You Time. Husband’s who care would understand and help. I’m sorry if I sound judgemental. That’s not my goal. I’m just saying something has to give. You’ve given all you can. It’s his turn

I feel this in my soul… I just started trying to get out of the house more but my husband will throw a legit hissy fit every time and it’s like I’m drained on all sides.

I am also a SAHM. I go on girls trips out of state so I’m confused on this allow thing. Tell him you allow him to go about whenever he chooses and you are choosing to take a few hrs a Once or twice a week for your own self care.

Your not selfish. That was wrong of him to behave like that . You should talk to him .

You’re not selfish!
He should watch the kids once a week while you have me time imo.

Nope. Not selfish. We must take time for ourselves to continue to be good parents and partners.

When he is home, just leave. You’re just as entitled to breaks as he is. IMO even more :woman_shrugging:t2:

Find a sitter, take the break, oh him to watch his own kids. He will stfu.

You lost me at that key word “allowed” …really …. :exploding_head::woman_shrugging:t3:

Everyone needs some me time.

Definately everybody needs me time

Drink. Makes things easier

Allowed is a problem for me.

He "allowed " you a drink?

Ewww sounds like you need a break from your husband too…

He allowed you to have a drink really.

He allowed you? That would be a deal breaker right there. He’s your husband, not your master.

‘He allowed you….’?? Good grief. It’s not 1822 :cry: Who does he think he is?

You need a break once a week. At least couple hrs on the weekend. You’re not selfish at all. Your husband is​:roll_eyes::thinking:

He allowed you??? That’s the first problem.

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Allowed???aren’t you over 21?

You were a whole ass person before you were a wife and mother, balance is important and it is not selfish to need some alone time. I think maybe your husband might be selfish for not considering your feelings.

Ummmm tf YOU are NOT the selfish one, Well your husband might be the breadwinner he has nights and weekends off I’m assuming or at least some time off of work when is your time off you most definitely need to take time to yourself because you’re clearly experiencing burn out the idea that being a parent means that you have to be a slave to your children 24 hours a day 365 days a year Is asinine everybody needs some time to themselves you do well to remind her husband and he gets time off and you need it as well

Too many women are treated this way, and we allow it. Yall need a serious talk and if he can’t handle it with maturity then that speaks volumes. And that whole “allowed” part is cringe :grimacing: :neutral_face: you’re a green woman you’re “allowed” to do whatever you want. And if it starts fights when you stick up for yourself about your needs. No question, this man has it good and controls you and everything around you. This s why I never wanted to stay at home without any kind of income myself.

U don’t need his permission go have fun even if u have no money you can find free things to do.

As the old song goes Every buddy needs a holiday far away from each other. Chicago song. So no your not selfish

No you aren’t selfish for wanting a break. Just because he’s the bread winner doesn’t mean he gets to shirk his parenting responsibilities.

You are not selfish and your feelings are valid :heart:

You can only take so much. Eventually you will get resentful, things will fall apart and you’ll likely separate. Upon separating he’ll have to take care of the kids without you on his time and you will have those days to yourself that he has them. So either way, mental health days are needed and one way or another, eventually you’ll get them.

Have your husband watch the kids while you go out

Every parent deserves and needs a break not just the bread winners cuz they rnt the ones raising the children I bet u reverse roles just for a day he might just change his tune Abt giving u a break since he gets one every weekend

Absolutely not selfish! Taking a break from being around the same people 24/7 365 is necessary sometimes or you will quite literally go insane. He’ll one time when I needed a break I went to Australia with my mom :rofl: you don’t need to do something that extreme though. As some others have said the word ‘allowed’ rubs me the wrong way, you two are suppose to be partners, so things should be equal. You let him have time to blow off steam from his job, you deserve the same from yours.