Am I Taking Things the Wrong Way?

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"I currently have 2 small daughters, one of them is 1 year old and the other is 4 years old. I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant and I’m getting induced in 2 weeks, I honestly RARELY ASK MY MOM TO WATCH MY GIRLS, the only time I have asked my mom to watch my kid was when I gave birth to my second child… (btw I have a 6-year-old sister and a 12-year-old brother, and every time my mom needs help and needs someone to watch them I stop everything I have to do and watch them, to help my mom) Well right now I needed her help to watch my 2 children while I’m giving birth and she said yes but with the condition that it has to be in her house, I don’t feel comfortable because her house has stairs and my 1-year-old is not calm, she is a little monkey who climbs and jumps all over the place, so I told her if she could please watch my kids in my house I have way more rooms than her house, and I told her she could use any bedroom but my children will feel safe to sleep In their own house, well she still said no. I got upset because every time I do her favors, I don’t put conditions and that’s what she is doing, she did that last time when I gave birth to my 2nd daughter too but my 1st daughter was already 3 years old and knew how to go upstairs… and well she was just bigger. I know my daughter is my responsibility but like I said I rarely ask my mom for anything. Today I also received a call from my provider asking me to urgently go to an ultrasound tomorrow, so I asked my mom if she could do that at least and she said “I can’t, I have to take my kids to school” so I told her "Can’t your husband take them? I only need you to watch my girls for 1 hour and a half max) She said, "No because he does the stock market every day all morning, he cannot miss it.” I was VERY MAD and of course, emotional and disappointed… She can always count on me but I can never count on her … also she is always judging me saying I do this wrong as a mother and I do this wrong as a wife, which she also did today after telling her that is better for my girls not to have a grandma than having a grandma like her. I also did ask her to not show in the hospital because I don’t want to see her, all she does Is get me upset and hurt me because she is unreliable… and sadly I have to pay someone to watch my girls at my own home. Am I wrong?? I’m I too emotional and taking things the wrong way??"

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"I think the hormones definitely don’t help the situation, but I totally understand why you’d feel that way… I would too. It’s hard when you continually do something for someone but they always have an excuse when you need them. Do you have a baby gate she should use to put at the bottom of her stairs? I would honestly get someone else to watch them, not let her in the hospital to visit (not sure if people are even allowed to visit since Covid) but I would make sure the doctor & staff knows she isn’t allowed in & I wouldn’t let her visit. I understand she has her own life, other kids to care for but with the way she’s acting, I agree with you. They’re many things she could do to help… get her husband to help take the kids to school (like skipping 30 minutes of stock would make a difference), she could pick up your kids and take them with her to drop her kids off, she could just stay at your house without making it an issue. She’s being stubborn and I’m not sure why."

"I mean IMO I think you are overreacting a bit to buy a baby gate, not a big deal at all, you get to have your baby knowing your littles are safe grandma gets the babies at her home to not disrupt their lives it’s a win-win"

"I don’t think it’s only the stairs you're worried about here. I also don’t think you're wrong to be upset it hurts to always be there for someone and when u need them they flop every time makes u feel like your not worth shit to them"

"I’m sorry but she wants to stay at her own house with her kids, that by your statement have a school routine every morning. That doesn’t scream unreliability. Buy a baby gate. It seems to me you’d rather her disrupt her life than have yours disrupted. You’re the one asking for help here. If she asked you to pack your kids up and stay at her house to watch her kids for a couple of nights would you do it? Doesn’t sound like it since even doing that when you are the one who needs the help seems to be an issue. My mom watched my son at her house when I gave birth to my daughter, and I would not have ever asked her to come stay here for my comfort, I’m the one asking HER for a favor, it’s on her terms. She said some mean things to you after you said some to her, what did you expect? I don’t blame her. Unless you left instances out, from what you wrote your mom is there for you, just not the way you want her to be."

"YOU’RE the one that needs a favor. She has two other children that have school and need access to their belongings, so it is more convenient for your mom to watch your kids at her house because your children don’t need to go to school. I feel like this is a lot deeper than some stairs because the simple solution for that is to buy a baby gate. You’re asking for help and she’s trying to help you and her at the same time. If you don’t like the conditions then it’s time to pay for a nanny or ask your husband's family to watch them"

"Sorry, but you could’ve been workable about the children staying at her house while she still has two young children who obviously depend on her. Since you’re married your husband could’ve helped out with watching the kids for you could go to the ultrasound and his family could help out with watching the kids while you go have another kid. Also if it really comes down to it your husband can stay at home with the kids if you’re truly that uncomfortable with her or other people watching them n he can drop you off at the hospital and pick you up or you can stop being whiny and pack clothes and whatever else for your two kids n take them to grandmas and buy a gate for the stairs n your husband go with you to the hospital."

"Sorry mama but you are wrong here. If you are asking her to do you a service it is your job to work around her needs she should not have to pick up her own life to come to your house. You are not entitled to your mom's time even though you feel like you are. If you feel like you are giving more than you’re receiving, maybe step away"

"I took younger children with me to the OB and ultrasounds. Take plenty of toys and snacks and color books. I took a backpack of stuff to occupy them. As far as the birth I can understand you being upset but if you don’t like her stipulations then pay someone to do what you want to be done. I actually think it’s good to say you don’t want to see her if all it does is upset you. Once your hormones calm down after having the baby decide if you still want to be there every time she needs a sitter after this. Best wishes for a smooth safe delivery and happy healthy mom and baby."

"Buy a damn baby gate, she can’t be forced to put your kids above her own. But also, stop being there for her. It’s a 2-way street. And apologize to your mother. She established a boundary and you resorted to confrontation Bc you didn’t like her boundary. It’s utterly ridiculous."

"honestly it’s much easier to entertain the younger 2 at her house than her older 2 at yours. A baby gate and bag of toys would suffice. Teens or older kids have friends to go outside with gaming equipment to pack and unpack homework extracurriculars to attend, they get bored and attitude much easier which usually leads to them getting into more trouble. while I understand your points I also understand your mom’s."

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