Your not wrong. Promise rings are when your young and before kids… or at least way before 9 years. this sounds like commitment issues because if he really wanted to propose he would. Looks like you need to have a sit down conversation.
Yes 9 years is a long time and he apparently has commitment issues. Stop wasting your time and move on
Sorry but he isn’t the right man for you. If he wanted marriage he would have proposed to you many years ago. You should have thought this out before having two more kids.
You cant be half married so if you want marriage and he doesn’t then its gonna be an issue.
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You are not wrong…. And for others who say marriage is just a piece of paper … it is but it is also security to allow you to have the benefits and rights of being his wife legally. Sit down with him tell him what you want and if he can’t give it to you by now then it’s time to move on, but you have to be in front with him about what you expect, at this point you have allowed this to happen.
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I’m not shaming you at all, but this is something you needed to verbalize and know BEFORE you started living together and having babies. If marriage was your intended goal, you don’t move in with someone and have babies with them without the marriage. At this point, what is the rush or need for him? He already has it all, without the marriage. You are going to have to be direct and honest with him about what you want. But at this point, he has everything. It seems that marriage is not important to him. Did you know this before everything else happened? Did you two have these conversations before moving in together/having children?
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“Commitment issues leave him”
Why?
So what if he doesn’t want to get married yet or at all even, that’s his choice… why does that mean anything?
I personally don’t even believe in marriage, me and my boyfriend been together almost 6 years and a almost 4 year old, he’s gotten me 3 rings during our relationship, never did I get upset I got a ring without a proposal, he believes in marriage but knows I don’t but also knows if he ever did ask I would say yes it’s just not something I’m interested in… don’t call it commitment issues, not everyone needs the court or a piece of paper to determine whether they actually love someone or not…
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To be truthful I’m an old biddy I think in this day and age marriage is not really the in thing anymore .and if people decide to get married that’s lovely but I don’t think it makes any difference now days whether you marry or not .that piece of paper doesn’t hold you together or make you love one another more . Being happy is the main thing love and trust .
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Yes. It’s not the right direction. You need to have a talk about real next steps and if you can time table it. He may feel that he doesn’t need to do anything else because you are already together with kids. If you want something different you need to talk. Talking doesn’t mean it’s going to happen or it’s just fun to imagine stuff but it’s not going to be happening. You need to get on the same page because it’s a gesture that means something different to each of you.
A friend once told me before I got married that my relationship with my then boyfriend was very inspiring because we didn’t have a piece of paper that said we had to be together, than we had to try to work through our problems, we actually got to choose that everyday and for (then it had been 15 years) we had choose each other everyday.
Don’t rush it. My husband and I have been together for almost 18 years, we have a 13 year old daughter. We started dating in 2004, moved in together at the very end of 2006, had our daughter in 2008, we didn’t get engaged until 2016 and didn’t actually get married until 2020. It happened when we were both ready and our love for each other has never changed whether I wore a ring or not or since the piece of paper.
Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are the longest lasting, happiest Hollywood couple and guess what they have never been married.
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Definitely why you should get married before having kids. If he hasn’t proposed after 9 years, it probably ain’t gonna happen. I told my now hubby I wouldn’t have kids with him till we were legally married when we first started dating so he knew what he had to do if he ever wanted to have kids with me. Been together 6 years, married 2.
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My daughter and her husband dated for 8 years before they married. However, they have no kids and no plans for any. The fact that marriage wasn’t in your guy’s mind with your first child together indicates that he has no real interest in marriage. But you having two kids with him without getting married also indicates that you don’t really care that much about marriage. That he also apparently doesn’t know your ring size is also an indication of his lack of concern.
My personal opinion is that he is not interested in being married. I say that out of my own personal experience I spent 10 years in a relationship with a man and almost 3 years ago he proposed and let me plan a wedding spend money etc then 8 days before the wedding he backed out. His excuse? Cold feet but he loves me and wants to stay together. Almost 3yrs later here i am single and healing. For me it was never about being married I met him after I was divorced I was previously married for 20 years. He had never been married and at no time in our relationship had I ever brought up marriage or made marriage a deal-breaker to the relationship but after he proposed and let me plan an entire wedding and then walked away from it because he had “cold feet” so he said. it ruined us it ruined me and there was no staying together no matter how much I love him. Never mattered to me before whether we were married or not but after he proposed and planted that seed it absolutely mattered.
It’s most likely commitment issues. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and we finally married this past June. Give it time. Trust me I felt exactly how you feel now.
Mine was a promise ring that later that night turned into an engagement ring. An then he set the date for 2021 an we did get married this year. I wouldn’t worry about it. Yes it’s a step up but maybe he is planning it an keeping it a secret. I would wait an not make a big deal. Best of luck.
Talk to him about your concerns
To be honest I’d be bitterly disappointed if a promise ring is all someone could come up with after all that time 
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Unpopular opinion, men know early on in a relationship wether they want to marry you or not. My husband told me this. I’ve had other men say this in conversation. If he knows it’s important to you and something you desperately want yet he’s unwilling to commit to it there’s an issue, or atleast there would be for me. 9 years and he doesn’t even know your ring size? That’s another issue. I’d ask how your relationship is besides this. Are you happy not being married? Is the relationship a pretty good one besides this issue for you?
If I went into my relationship telling that person how important marriage was to me (or anything else for that matter) and they pretty much avoided it I’d take it as they aren’t willing or able to give me the things I want in life.
Sure some people never get married and that’s totally fine. It’s all about preference. And if what you want for YOU is to be married then I’d be pretty upset by this point if I were you
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Well he can’t break up with having the kids and all. He is saying why buy the cow if the milk is free.
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I would be pissed. Period.
You are correct. He wants to keep you holding on. Id laugh at a promise ring after 9 years. I’m on year 6 btw
If marriage is important to you, it’s time to have a direct conversation. If he doesn’t want to get married, u live with it or stay as is… u may need to make that decision
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At this point you are already married. You live together and are raising 3 kids. The marriage itself it just a ritual at this point. This is why I don’t agree with moving in before being married.
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I’m wondering if he genuinely doesn’t want to be married and is having a hard time communicating that directly. I wouldn’t take it personal…some people just don’t like the idea of being married. I’m not huge on it either.and yes you have every right to be upset. If he doesn’t want to get married than he shouldn’t dangle his commitment to getting married with something like a promise ring after all this time.
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Girl same here except I got an air fryer and blow dryer instead of a promise ring lol I’ve just given up on the idea that he will ever propose. I know the love is there and I’m not goin anywhere— our family won’t be incomplete if we never marry.
You need to talk to him
After 9 years no self respecting 45 year old man should be buying a PROMISE ring. Y’all have kids and everything!! Either propose or let me go, that’s my mentality.
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You shouldn’t be upset because you were part You shouldn’t get upset because you played the game the whole time.
The moment you had your second child, that was the wakeup call and realized if he was going to be more than just a BF. You have the milk for free all this time, why do you want him to change now? After 9 years, it’s mess up that he didn’t know your ring size that he gave you a ring that didn’t fit. So pretty much he gave you a hush ring, just to keep you around.
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I know a lot of couples that agreed to not even speak of marriage until they’re together 10years. It’s pretty common here.
But I think you should be having a conversation about it if it’s bothering you that much.
agree with you, he’s just stalling!!
I’m more concerned that you were barely an adult dating a full grown ass man. That right there tells me he’s a nobody who had to prey on you to be with anyone in general. The women his age didn’t want him, and I can see why so he went after you. He’s damn near 50 and has no intention of being anymore legally attached to you than he already is.
Girl, that’s not okay.
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If he wanted to marry you, nothing would keep him from proposing.
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Nope. Not wrong. But I’d just leave.
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I think you should just talk to him about it. Have you spoke with him about marriage before? Maybe if you haven’t, this might have been his way of trying to see if you want marriage or not.
You can not answer your own question? PLEASE. Don’t look for answers on FB
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I for one do not agree with you; your upset because in his mind he’s taking another step further but you want more so he’s wrong? Maybe that’s why he’s hesitant if you put all these stipulations as to what you want or feel should be done on your time line onto him doing wrong. YOUR in the wrong in my eyes
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Maybe he wanted to show you that he’s committed to marrying you but didn’t have the money yet to buy a nice engagement ring, so he bought you a promise ring in the meantime
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Not a big deal ring, no ring , married not u all are already together u are passed all that.
Be thankful for what you have, maybe in his mind you are as good as married a piece of paper doesn’t guarantee a forever after, just my thoughts others may think differently 
In Texas you are legally married after 7yrs and share property or children or use his name or all the above. Unless they have changed it.
So yes. It’s just a pretty ring your man got you for Christmas. I’m sure it’s beautiful. If you don’t have a wedding band I would wear it on that ring finger if it were me. You have been married for yrs. It’s just not written on paper.i niece that is 50$ at the court house. God bless.
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Why pay for the cow when the milk is free???
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And… you’re not married YET ??? WHY ???
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Tell him it’s time to crap or get off the pot.
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After living together for 5 yrs and 2 kids I gave a time limit… he missed it by 2 months but I saw his efforts and knew a ring was coming so I gave a little leway
Uh my boyfriend and I will be together for 5 years in February and were not engaged but we just bought a house together bought a car together have a child and 2 dogs. A ring shouldn’t be a deal breaker. Be happy he even got you anything. A ring and a signed piece of paper doesn’t guarantee you’ll be together forever anyways just live in the moment and be happy with what you already have
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After 9 years. Why even get married. Most states have common law still. I mean damn. Is a piece of paper or a ring gonna change anything…
Every post in this group is filled with misspelled words and bad grammar. Wondering if these are just fake stories?
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I’m not sure. It seems like he took an extra step by getting the ring. I think at this point, you need to just ask specifics. It might not be romantic, but how long do you want to wonder if it’s going to happen?
He called it a promise ring? Doesn’t that seem a little juvenile?
Be frank, say I want to be “engaged” and go have the ring sized or trade for the engagement ring.
After 15 years together and 6 kids later my mom told my dad either put a ring on it or pay child support 
cause at that point it was ridiculous that they weren’t
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You have every right to be upset if that’s something you voiced you want, and he continued a relationship with you anyway.
Anyone saying “just accept it and be happy” shouldn’t even be replies you take in. If they’re willing to give up things they want- THATS fine. You’re not wrong to not give up something you want, and have clearly talked about with your man.
Time to 
or get off the pot! What’s he so scared of after all this time and children?? I like what someone else said! Ring or child support buddy
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He’s not ready if your ready and he’s not consider breaking up
You feel that way because it is. But you’re in it mighty deep now as are your kids right with you. Tough Choice ahead of you.
Lol!!’ Let’s see how long I can keep her dangling by giving her a pinky ring. Yeah. No
I think it’s a few years and a few kids too late to be having the conversation gingerly about it. You’re basically married except in the eyes of the law. Sounds like he can’t be bothered so suggest to him that you’ll book the registry office and it doesn’t need to be a big deal.