Am i wrong for feeling the way i do or am i going crazy?

Little back story i was a victim of SA when i was young with my stepdad, it was a horrible my time and my mom at the time was resentful towards me and seemed to be on his side and blaming me for everything. Even going as far as sending him money in jail.
Fast forward to today, im 37 weeks pregnant with my second daughter and we live with my significant other (who has a bit of an age gap with me). My mother is always coming over and telling me to watch my first daughter because we dont know what my significant other might be thinking and even goes as far as to tell me to not let my daughter carry normal conversations with him and even suggested i padlock her room at night from the outside so no one has the key but me. Am i wrong to feel irritated and annoyed/angry at her for suggesting that my partner would be inappropriate? Especially given our past and how she never even got to know my partner she just assumes things?
Im not an idiot im a stay at home mom and my daughter is always with me and i never let her out of my sight , she never even stays alone with him or anyone. And what has me most bothered is we have actual proven pedophiles in the family and shes fine having family dinners with them and everyone sweeps what they’ve done under the rug
sorry for the long post

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I wouldn’t have kept my mother around. :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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Sounds like your mom has a guilty conscience for what happened to you.

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She’s probably just worried about history repeating it self. Maybe it’s her way of trying to protect her since she didn’t protect you. I don’t think you can ever be to careful.

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If you can’t trust your partner to not sa your daughter you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them ……

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Just tell her to stop… and if she doesn’t, you will have to keep a distance. And to b extra safe just install cameras inside (one in hallway by bedrooms for example…etc ) and out of home for security reasons … especially now days. That way u can just check the cameras and feel more secure all around.

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Some ppl cannot see the faults of their own relatives but are quick to judge others;especially when they know they’re in the wrong…No,you are not wrong…Your mom has trust issues bc she failed to protect u herself & is feeling guilty for it,but yet do not want to take the responsibility for it…Just don’t be too careful…

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Your mom has no place in your life just based on the things that happened to you when she was supposed to be protecting you, why would you even subject yourself and your family to someone that disgusting…willingly. Maybe the real problem is your decision to allow her in your lives. A padlock on the outside of her door?? REALLY? that’s doesn’t sound alarming to you? :face_with_monocle::woozy_face: keep that b!tch in your heart if you need to….but not in your life.

Go with your gut instinct, it NEVER sends you wrong messages, maybe ask your Mum to back off, but thank her for being caring, you know what your doing, good luck

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Stop talking to your mom :ok_hand:t2::woman_facepalming:t3::clap:t2::pray:t2: I did best choice I ever made she never admitted anything and blamed her five children for making her ex’s plural beat and rape my siblings :pensive: some people never chance get away from that toxic

My mother wouldn’t be in my life if she willingly associated herself with sexual predators. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. I would of cut her off after she acted like it was your fault and her sending your abuser money. Im so so sorry.

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It’s a guilty conscience your mums carrying for not protecting you. As mothers I feel we would know 100% & if you have no concerns about you partner and your daughter then tell your mother to back off. She’s causing problems where there ain’t any. She needs to take responsibility for what has happened & leave your family & that situation alone… YOU as a mother would know. Goodluck girl :heart:

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Be honest . Tell your mom you remember. Keep your children close.

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I’d tell her she should’ve taken her own advice when you were a child. And just because she picked and stood by a perv not all men are like that then I’d cut all ties with her. That’s not a healthy relationship that you two have she sounds toxic

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My wife’s mom did this too me. I was in the kiddie pool playing with her (she’s mine but not biologically) 4 year old. she’s 9 now. Anyway she was sitting on my stomach and I was moving up and down creating a wave like situation. Just fun. She said watch me yadda yadda. I feel like since it happened to every one of her kids and she did nothing she projected that concern onto me. I was irritated but in the end I thought well at least she said something this time I guess…

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I do not think that you have to explain yourself.
Cut all ties.
It is extremely toxic.

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I would not be having her around you have all right to feel the way you do

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I wouldn’t be talking to my mom she needs to go

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Uhm… ma’am… this woman is talking about locking a child in a room. :face_with_monocle::face_with_monocle::face_with_monocle:
Leave her in the past. Period.

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Man I won’t even talk to mine….

Idk why the fuck you haven’t cut her off cuz that’s what you should’ve done a long ass time ago. But also she has no fucking right to be saying any of this. If you suspect your partner might be on some pedo vibes why the fuck are you even still with him.

She needs to stop!
I’m the mother of a SA victim as well as being one myself.
I always had discussions with my children about awareness to SA, but still both daughters were😞it’s not your mothers place to say this as it’s difficult for you enough.Tell her no more or she needs to leave as it’s toxic for your headspace and relationship

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I relate to this so much. Your baby and dad deserve to have a normal relationship. Please don’t let your past and your mother change that. Your mom needs to stop.

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Wouldn’t be leaving her with the kids, she’d probably let the pedos baby sit.

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Why is she still aloud near you or your kids? Kick the witch to the curb nd your life will be a thousand times less stressful! I did it myself 10 years ago, best thing i ever did for myself

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I’m so sorry you went through that, I would have left her behind and hated her, for not protecting you… you are a better person than me still having her around… Tbh she doesn’t deserve to be… so if you continue with her around, don’t let her cloud your judgement and intuition because she FAILED you… all the best :heart:

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She would not be coming over to my house. If you trust your partner that is between you two. It sounds like she reflecting what happened on you still

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Wth did I just read! You are definitely in the right mama and are not overeacting

If your mum never got to know your partner and is telling you to keep a eye on your children because she thinks your partner may get up to something tell her that she is stepping over the line, that she doesn’t get to assume those things. But also keep in mind that it does sound like she’s been through a hell of a ordeal to even assume the worst of your partner.

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Shes probably traumatized and over compensating for her own guilt and lack of protecting…

If i were you i would tell her tl back of because of anybody im sure you would catch
On to somthing like that if it were happening.

You need to stand up to her andmput her in her place and also set clear boundaries… If she refuses to respect it im sure you shoukd have no problem showing her the door after everything she didnt do to protect you

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She should have protected YOU when it was her watch. She failed. Don’t let HER past affect your life & family. Tell her to piss off, seriously :woman_facepalming:t3:

It’s her guilt talking not her rational self. She may need therapy to process what her husband did to her flesh and blood and the fact she blamed you , a child, for it. Talk to her and have a honest and frank chat about those times and how it made you feel and her for hearing it. He wouldn’t have gone to jail if it wasn’t done so she’ll be feeling bad that a bunch of strangers decided this when she knew him from home and it’s beyond her comprehension that he coukd do that to you and her not see the signs. She’s not a bad person , just guilty of supporting the wrong person and that’s coming through now because of how old your oh is. It’s scared her and she needs to talk to someone. People make wrong choices all the time but she’s projecting and that’s not fair on you. If she wants any happy relationship with you and your family moving forward then she needs to get help

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This sounds like unresolved trauma with your mother. It’s time to establish some clear boundaries concerning her role in your daughters life as well as her role in providing you with input.

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My mother was almost like that too. Having a certain mind set about guys, and assume they are all the same.

My mother has a bad choice in guys and is always getting hurt by them. So when I got with my hubby 6 years ago, she wouldn’t stop saying negative thing about him and that he’s the same as her ex’s. Mind you, I knew the guy since middle school. Sure, I didn’t know him completely being I only knew how he was in school. But still, he is the total opposite of the guys she sees. And she still puts him in their category.

My mother used to tell my older daughter that my hubby didn’t love her, and will show favoritism to her sister since she’s his daughter. Mind you, my hubby loves all three of my kids equally. (I just had my son back in Nov). My grandmother said that too. They don’t think that he’s a good father because thay don’t see what he does for them and just run their mouth. I argued with my mother to try to tell her that my husband wasn’t like the guys she knows and she didn’t want to listen. We were at my grandparents house and I just told my family to load up into the car cause we were leaving. This was before baby boy was even thought of.

Just… Ugh… Sorry ranted a little. You do you and don’t let your mom tell you what to do

Trying to makeup for being a shitty mother to you!!!
Don’t play her game. That’s toxic get out.

Sorry but your mother sounds toxic and has no respect for you or your partner.
She needs to mind her own business and let you run your own life

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Honestly you need to cut that toxic woman out of your life. Just because she is related to you by blood does not mean she has the right to make you feel as small and as rubbish as she does.

Nobody has to put up with that and you’re the only one who can put a stop to it. Don’t let your children be affected by her toxicity!

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My mom accused my sisters man of molesting her kids, and she never met him. It is because our mom let our dad do it to us. She cut our mom out completely and no one blames her. There were other things, but that was the last straw.

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If you can’t trust your own kid to be alone with HER FATHER/your husband you should not be with him

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I’m am so sorry for all you’ve been thru its heartbreaking and a horrible go of life, having been a victim of sa as well(which I rarely bring up as a man.) But as a man I would be absolutely heart broken if my partner didn’t even trust me to be alone with my daughters and furious if her mother was constantly around telling her these things about me having failed to even protect her own child.

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Sounds like your mother has the problem…I wouldn’t be leaving your kids with her…something don’t sit right with your post about her.

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Your mother should have been protecting you and didn’t so she has no right to tell you what to do with your children

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Your last comment answered your question

She supported your abuser and that is abuse within itself.

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You are not wrong, reading your post brought back so many memories for me, I feel like I could have wrote the first part myself. When I turned to my mum for her help she stood by my step dad, even after I went to police. Whole family turned against me, I moved out when I was 18 and have not gone back. I cut them all out of my life, I made myself homeless, I rebuilt my life. Cut her lose, concentrate on your family and not what your mum says. You have absolutely every right to feel the way you do. You are stronger and braver than me for letting your mum around. I hope you manage to find some ground level with her

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I’d be livid as well. No, ma’am, you do you. And ask her kindly to drop the subject because not only does it hurt you, but she did nothing to help you in your childhood, and what’s worse is that she was resentful towards a CHILD. I’m sorry you have to go through this with her.

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Im so sorry about what your step dad did to you :broken_heart:
It seems that your mum is trying to cause issues in your relationship because she was such a poor excuse as a mum when you said about what her partner was doing to you. I admit I would of struggled to of forgiven her for not believing you and backing him up in the first place.
Maybe you could sit her down and tell her that you don’t appreciate her judging your partner nor do you like her telling you what to do regarding your daughter and your partner and their relationship let her know if she still carries on then you will cut her from your life (unless your happy to kick her to the curb then I’d just do that and not give her any more chances). Good luck x

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Your mother is the one to worry about not your partner. Sounds like she might be trying to turn you against him and using your past trauma to do that. I’m sure your daughter would come to you if she had any concerns herself. And you know your partner more than anyone. Just because it’s family doesn’t mean they’re not a piece of shit.

Your mom has a lot of balls to be all concerned now. Shame on her for what she did to you.

That being said:
My husband, who was stepdad to my kids, sexually assaulted one of my twins when she was 5.

Ruined our lives. I believed her right away. I was devastated that someone I chose hurt my child.

So just be careful and aware.

She feels guilty for not standing by you

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Your mum sounds like a problem to me… she sits and eats with these people… ignores what they’re doing? Has your mum ever been inappropriate? Other than the fact that she supported the man that abused you and continues to support pedophiles in the family…
She sounds off…

Your mother is toxic. She didn’t protect u and she damn sure don’t care about protecting ur child. She is trying to take some of the guilt she feels for what happened to u and show u that u could be in her same position as she was. Honestly I wouldn’t leave ur kids alone with ur mother EVER. I haven’t left my mom with my kids in 3 years due to her drinking and her inability to acknowledge the things she does to hurt people. To be honest my life has been stress free without her constant issues.

Your mom sounds beyond toxic…

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Keep your child AWAY FROM THEM. SHES NO BETTER SORRY ITS YOUR MOM. KEEP HER AWAY. THIS IS YOUR CHILD.

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Sounds like she’s projecting on to you, maybe guilt from not protecting you? Or possibly patronizing you as part of continued abuse (supporting your abuser is abuse). Either way, I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my children. She sounds toxic and unsafe.

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I wouldn’t have contact with her at all.

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Next time she suggest these things tell her “yea mom like u did all these things for me when I really needed u ?”

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Get rid of your mom. I went through some bad things and the struggle didn’t end till I let go of my mother.

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I’m sorry this happened to you.
This is harsh but
I would tell your Mother you would never let anything happen to your daughter and if she doesn’t keep her mouth shut she will be out of all of your lives

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Your mom is NOT a safe person she should be nowhere near your children. Do not teach your children she is safe person by having her around. At the very least teach them that she’s a tricky person.

Also the way you wrote about no one getting near or being around you child alone including your partner makes me feel concerned. Idk if you ever went to therapy with someone that specifically helps SA victims but I think it might be time. If you trust your partner then the children can be alone with him. If this is from your trauma then you need to deal with it before it continues and affects your relationship. I understand how hard it is and the therapy was not easy. It meant confronting a lot of truths I hadn’t admitted out loud to myself yet and then working through it and healing myself.

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She’s probably riddled with guilt and has anxiety from her own actions, and what she let happen to you. She might not be handling herself well, but it is most likely coming from a place of love. Sounds like she could use some help dealing with her feelings.

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you are not wrong nor are you going crazy. I was a victim of sexual abuse and neglect, but it was an older brother. My oldest sister was preyed on by my father’s friends with his blessing. I have no advice but just know you are not wrong or crazy.

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Tell your mother she needs help. I wouldn’t leave her alone with my kids. You can’t lock a child in their room. It’s against the law .

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Sounds like her quilt is coming out!!

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She’s not a safe person for your children to be around. So don’t let them be around her

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My mother blames me for being SA by her partner at the time… 15 years later still blames me. I walked out of her life with my son. Sounds toxic and leave please!

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I dont have any tolerance for pedophilia, do not sit , visit or dine with them and be clear why , do not let them see or be around your or any kids and say why . Tell her it’s now your job to protect your child and she needs to address the know pedos and quit accusing your partner. However you must always remember anyone can be this person in your childs life be vigilant always .

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I would be mad to she never protected you and then gave him money in jail I would tell her about it and tell her to shut up she’s the one who let you get assaulted when you was little :rage::rage: but always be on the lookout with your own daughter I’m sure you are best wishes to you !!

Trust your sexual abuse spidey sense. Not every man is a pedophile. You likely have a better sense who is one and who is not. I hate to say this but sounds like you need to keep your distance around family with so many pedophiles as you say coming to family dinners. Pedophiles often reoffend. She did not protect you nor can she ever be trusted to protect your daughters. I hope yout s/o has a loving family you can embrace. I also hope you have been honest with your s/o about your past abuse. Be brave if you haven’t. He needs to know. He can learn how to love you better if he knows the whole story. I find often people hide their past sexual abuse from partners. Thing is by talking about abuse with a man, you can also get a better read on him about how he reacts. And kudos to you for being healed enough to know not every man is a pedophile. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse as a small child. There are many scars and much healing to always be done. The biggest healing point for me is being able to talk about my abuse openly. These men are monsters and there is no shame carried by their victims, though they often are too ashamed to tell people. You are right. Families tend to hide pedophile family members as if nothing ever happened. The world will always have a pedophile problem until families start turning them in for their crimes and until they start serving life in prison which is what these often repeat offenders deserve.

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She didn’t protect you from them , &now is overcompensating. I agree with the person above, not every man is the same. Not every man wants to touch children. I’m not sure how your man isn’t completely puzzled by the fact that you wouldn’t trust him enough to accept help for your child or leave them alone with him. Therapy is what u need,& u might need to cut mom off as well. She doesn’t know your man, but you do. If he can’t ever earn your trust in this way,it means there is a bigger issue within you that you haven’t ever faced.

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Ask her where she was when u needed her support.

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You should tell your mom your not like her, YOU won’t let bad things happen to your daughter like she did to you. I wouldn’t be around her anymore.

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I wouldn’t have your mom around your children. I also would chose to limit my interactions with her to a coffee and lunch once a month without your children.
Ideally, cutting ties all together would be best.

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She is projecting her failure to protect her own daughter onto her granddaughter.

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She feels guilty for not believing you. She needs to pass that guilt on to you. Call her out. Ask her why she’s suspicious of him when your step father did molest you & she wouldn’t listen to you.

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My question is she never did anything to protect you where were your door locks ect. If she has all this knowledge of how to protect your daughter why didn’t she put it to use for your. I’m thinking she is feeling guilty for what she allowed to happen under her watch

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Maybe it’s her guilt and NOW she wants to protect🙄 when there isn’t anything to protect
Too late Mom :bangbang:

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It sounds like she just wants to deflect which sadly happens to be on your spouse. I would be extremely annoyed. Especially if she is also in denial

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In my opinion I would be annoyed too she had her chance to make sure a little girl didn’t get sexually abused and she failed so her input is not really needed or wanted

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She’s projecting her fear and emotions from not protecting you… She was shitty then and her generation will never admit that or apologize so she’s trying to protect your kid from what you went through. You need to sit with your mom and tell her that and tell her that you aren’t her and you are capable of listeing to and protecting your child.

Stand up to her and tell her like it is. The nerve of that woman.

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First off I would cut her our of your life. She sounds like the type that if your SO makes her mad by not doing exactly what she says she will call CPS saying he did something to your child. You dont need toxic family and neither does your child. Also I suggest some therapy for you. Im not saying anything is wrong with you, but eventually your child will have to stay with her dad and you have to be able to let her without worrying he will do something. Also when she starts preschool or kindergarten it will get worse. Im speaking from experience, so it would be better to get some therapy to make it easier for you to be parted from her a little here and there

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Send your mother to a therapist…she has guilt issues

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I’d cut ties with her she’s trying to ruin your relationship. I’m sure your a good mom and you watch your daughter so well.

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You need to keep your mother away!

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I would tell her it’s too little too late. She should have been protecting you when it was happening to you, not blaming you and supporting your abuser. She has no right to try to further victimize you by trying to be a hero now and protect your child from a threat that doesn’t exist. These feelings she’s having are the consequences of treating you like your suffering didn’t matter. You shouldn’t have to be the one to alleviate them.

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Dude why do you even still talk to her? Stop letting her in. A parent that acts like that isn’t a real parent. She’s a danger to you and your child. You already know she can’t choose the right side or make the right decision when push comes to shove. Her priorities are all screwed up, and she has no right to give you a drop of advice. She failed you in ways no one should be failed. She can shut right the fuck up. Gray Rock her ass.

Maybe you need to get some distance from her…and take time for yourself to heal…It sounds more to me that she enjoys making you live in fear…normal is NOT padlocking your child’s door…I really wish you would consider some counseling for yourself…it would be beneficial to your daughter life for you to deal with what you have going on…as for your mom…again distance yourself from her and your child…she is nor do g you any favors…and always trust your own gut…it knows…take care of you and your child…so very sorry to hear you were SA…and I totally understand protecting your child…but how can you have a healthy relationship with anyone if you have no trust what so ever on even leaving your child with this person…there’s alot going on here…please … seek help dealing g with it all…it will change your world

She’s confirmed that she is still in denial and trying to put you on guilt trip,tell to get rid of the danger she puts your daughter in by having known abusers at her table.

I would be straight up honest and blunt. Tell her she’s the one who married the pedophile, then believed the pedophile instead of her own daughter. Tell her to take her opinions and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. Honestly if it were me, I wouldn’t have anything to do with her. I woulda written her outta my life a long time ago

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That’s super toxic. Ask her why she’s willing to fight on her behalf but wasn’t willing to fight or stand up for you. No thanks to her you know how to protect your daughter.

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Her dialogue is called gaslighting. Do some research… it’s not you

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Your mom is only trying to be mean. It’s a Narcissistic way of going about it. Because you accused her “husband” when you were little. She didn’t believe you when you told her like mine didn’t believe me when I was a 8 year old girl.

Get her out of your home! She’s the toxic one and let her be with the rest of the family. You raise your babies with your husband and leave her the hell out!!!

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sounds like my family. but on a serious note mother or not i would go off on her. ive went off on my own mother because she allowed a family member that sexually abused my siser and i, around my little sisters (16 - 20 year age gap) my mother knew he abused my sister and i we told her. she brushed it under the rug and then had the balls to let him come around them like my sister and i wouldnt say something to her. protect your children at all cost mamas. and if she wants to keep talking sh8t about your SO then bring up all the family pedos she has something to do with.

I think you should have cut ties with her as soon as you were old enough to get away from her. She didn’t protect you and it seems she allowed it ! You and your family will be much happier with her out of your life. I have no use for anybody that allows a child or elderly person to be abused!

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I would remove this person from my and my children’s lives. I did it with my mom and have no regrets! (Similar situation, she stayed married to the guy)

Your mom doesn’t get to interfere in your husband and your daughter building a relationship.

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Girl…get your kids away from anyone who is toxic, including family members who think abusers are okay

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Girl cut those ties.
Any mother that expresses resentment to their child over SA like that does not deserve the title mother.
And as mentioned above therapy would be wonderful for you to work through that trauma

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She sounds like she is trying to make you second guess your partner because you made her second guess hers. How sick! This is terrible. Tell her to back off or she will not be welcome in your home.

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