Little back story i was a victim of SA when i was young with my stepdad, it was a horrible my time and my mom at the time was resentful towards me and seemed to be on his side and blaming me for everything. Even going as far as sending him money in jail.
Fast forward to today, im 37 weeks pregnant with my second daughter and we live with my significant other (who has a bit of an age gap with me). My mother is always coming over and telling me to watch my first daughter because we dont know what my significant other might be thinking and even goes as far as to tell me to not let my daughter carry normal conversations with him and even suggested i padlock her room at night from the outside so no one has the key but me. Am i wrong to feel irritated and annoyed/angry at her for suggesting that my partner would be inappropriate? Especially given our past and how she never even got to know my partner she just assumes things?
Im not an idiot im a stay at home mom and my daughter is always with me and i never let her out of my sight , she never even stays alone with him or anyone. And what has me most bothered is we have actual proven pedophiles in the family and shes fine having family dinners with them and everyone sweeps what theyāve done under the rug
sorry for the long post
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am i wrong for feeling the way i do or am i going crazy?
It sounds like you have a toxic mother. I feel for you. First she victim shamed you and took the perpetrators sideā¦ Which is what no good mother would or should do. But then have the nerve to say you should watch your bf whoms never done any thing like that while totally disregarding what actually DID happen to you by HER BF!! If she brings it up again, if I were youā¦ I would say "mom believe me I know to be careful and watch and know a pervert perpetrator when I see one, you know why, BC YOUR BF taught me what that looked like and was, donāt you remember? Not MY BF, so pleaae stop talking to me like MY BF is YOUR BF. BC heās not and itās very disrespectful to me.
I would cut ties with your mom, that doesnāt sound healthy for your family
thatās some heavy duty projection on her part 
I was the victim of sexual assault and it was done by my momās boyfriend who she only knew for less than a year and she took his side and never believed me. Thatās one of my main reasons for cutting her out of my life. Your mother honestly sounds toxic and probably shouldnāt be in your life
1st off Iām very sorry to hear of what happened to you hun. Secondly you have every right to feel the way you do and lastly your mother needs to cruise cut her off and those so called family members whoāve proven to be aswell, protect your babies from those ugly things and others out there who prey on kidsā¦ The nerve of her!
Your not wrong you need have talk with her
Set the boundaries now before this babe comes hon.
Get counseling to learn how to deal with her and definitely limit your interactions. āLove her from afar.ā If she starts harping on your boyfriend stand up and show her the door or leave. DO NOT tolerate her behavior.
Tell mom to get counseling to process her fault and guilt from your childhood. This is so on her. Itās too late to make things right for you, what happened happened; she needs to learn how to have healthy relationships. Clearly she doesnāt know how.
Concentrate on your beautiful immediate family, enjoy your little one, and be happy. Fill your life with rational people who love you.
Iād definitely remind her that you are very well aware of the symptoms and signs of CSA at the hands of a step parent/mothers boyfriend in case she needs to be reminded
Youāre mom needs help. I would have cut her out of my life as soon as she blamed her boyfriends disgusting behavior on you. Right then and there, dead to me. And when old enough to leave the house permanently cut her out with zero contact.
The audacity to stick up for your abuser and then turn around and suggest that you SO could be up to no good with no actual backing to her assumptions.
Your mom is gross.
Never ever padlock a bedroom door from the outside. What if thereās a fire? That was about the dumbest thing she said.
Get rid of the mother, sheās toxic as hell
I would go no contact until she gets professional help. Your mothers view is love the sick and padlock the children. YOU CANNOT TRUST HER TO PROTECT YOUR CHILD. And she is toxic for your partner. And the fact that he has done nothing wrongā¦and putting you in a place to defend himā¦ against SA insinuationsā¦ sound familiar??? Only your allegations were real. Padlock your child in the room because she expects you to be weak and not alert like she is? She is still breaking bread with the family pedosā¦ nope.
Sounds like she needs to go!
She has a guilty conscience! She should of protected you as a child
perhaps ask your mom why she didnāt believe you when you were a kid that she took her husbands side over her daughters. I would cut off your mom from making assumptions about your man and daughter she is basically blaming the child for what might happen just like she did you. Tell her if she comes to visit she needs to keep her opinions to herself.
Shame on your mother for not protecting youā¦You no what you have to doā¦pay attention ā¦I was molested as a kidā¦and my kids never left my sightā¦maybe your mother is toxicā¦JS
Your mother is toxic. It sounds like she still resents you for what happened to you with your step dad and she is projecting that onto your life. She is trying to fill you with unnecessary worry. Unless there is a reason to be wary of your partner, there is no reason to be any more diligent with your daughters safety than you normally would be as a mother. This sounds intentionalā¦if I were you, I would be careful with your mother in your life, it sounds like she could cause problems for you. (I have a strained relationship with my mother as well. She was not a good mother when I was growing up and she projected a lot of unnecessary paranoias onto me when I first had my kidsā¦I keep her at a certain distance so she canāt cause me undue stress and problems.)
donāt let her say these things to you, She doesnāt want you to be happy & she is trying to infuriate you & this is all that will be going thru your mind. And why in the hell would allow her in your house and life & your kids, after what she failed to do to protect you??? Just because she is your mother, you donāt have to be around her. Nor do you have to love her. Throw her ass out. And yes, get counseling for what you went thru
Tell mom sheās right about pedos and how kids need safety from them so if (name of pedo family member) is at dinner, her home, or otherwiseā¦Your children and yourself will NOT be attending.
Get her out of ur lifeā¦all dads are nt d sameā¦
I think sheās trying to make up for not protecting u by trying to protect ur daughterā¦ shes definitely in need of some counseling. Shes got alot of guilt built upā¦ if I were u I would ask her to get some help. Iām so sorry this happened to u. I hope that u and ur mother can find closure in all of this.
Sheās completely projecting. By trying to insinuate pedophiles are everywhere, shes not looking at the ones in her own house. It would probably be best for you to cut ties. Especially if the same people who abused you would be around your daughter in any capacity.
ask her where the padlock for your room was! Get rid of toxic unfit mom!!
You need to write her off for your mental health!
Just a different perspective here but, resentments for youāre mom aside, maybe due to her life experiences she is picking up on something that you are not. Maybe sitting down and having a real conversation with her would be beneficial.
Cut mom off and live your life with out that negativity
Sounds like sheās still resentful for you outing her former lover!
Why do you even have a relationship with your mom and have her around your kids? I would be worried about your mom.
I think she probably doesnāt realize it, but I really believe thereās some kind of guilt there and sheās overprotective of her because of what happened with you. Clearly she has some issues sheās projecting onto others. I would say you both need some counselling and some boundaries. As a sexual assault survivor Iāve cut out all the family that didnt protect me, didnāt believe me, chose to support my abuser. Iāve been better as a result
I think sheās advising you to do what she wishes she would have done. She handled it poorly, and sheās probably speaking out of guilt. At least that what I would assume. Sorry you went through that. 
Yes you have every right to be mad. She is projecting.
Wow! My mom just called me a liar and said I put my sister up to it too and a few years back told MY grown children this and Iād never even discussed it with them! She divorced him (not because of the molestation to her daughters) but continued to sponge off him for years and now living with him againā¦and still sponging! Needless to say sheās not in my life and never will beā¦12 years strong! 
You sound like youāre incredibly smart and a survivor. You know whatās best. Yep and distancing yourself from her is probably best but a choice you and only u can make
Maybe she just has some sort of sick odd way of dealing with what you went through and resentfully wants it to happen to you and then if it does wants you to make the wrong choice and choose your SO over your daughter so she can be like āHa told you so, not so easy is itā regardless of her intentions it all sounds incredibly unhealthy
Wow, she is trying to make up shit cause of what her man did to you. She is trying to cause trouble why would she even say this when she didnāt protect you from her man and blamed you. And never put a lock on the door what if there was a fire you may never get her out in time. Sounds more like she is being vengeful and trying to get payback. She needs to face reality.
Keep that toxic and negativity out of your homeā¦simple. sounds like she is just being petty or spiteful. Coming from someone who was sexually abused and sexually assaulted as a child in her own family and through out foster care you have a better notice of the small things in people that arenāt or shouldnāt be around your kidsā¦you notice the extra things and if your man isnāt giving those red flags she is just being pettyā¦she is intentionally making these comments and probably due to her still not believing you or because of all you out her through in her eyes ā¦donāt allow that in your homeā¦donāt allow those ideas to be put into heads or anythingā¦if she continues I can promise it wonāt be long until you have issues in your relationshipā¦and he feels you not doing anything is you believing he is as low as your mom is saying ā¦if you know your daughter is safe and you know this and your mom is being petty ā¦keep her away. Love how you mom can tell you how to protect your child but never did these things herselfā¦and then was mad at you and not herselfā¦this sounds like your momās sick way of coming at youā¦and again Iv been through sexual assault and abuseā¦I can read peopleā¦I donāt allow my kids even my boys with to many people and never aloneā¦even my man now we been together 7 years have a daughter was there for my other daughters birthā¦never ever would I think he would be in any way perverse or whatever with my kids but Iām still hesitantā¦itās just from personal experience my girls go with me to the storeā¦to anywhereā¦I do allow my boys but I trust my man just it gives me a peace of mind when my girls are with meā¦I was sexually abused and assaulted by my own cousins and step uncle so I know that no one is above itā¦esp family and those you think you should trust ā¦but if a red flag EVER happens ā¦even just onceā¦run awayā¦donāt look past or make excuses or defend the red flag. Or you will be just like your momā¦so just keep that in mind alsoā¦but good luck but best advice your mom seems horrible all the way around and I wouldnāt let that around my family and esp my babiesā¦the negative influence she could have and the ideas she can implant or coachā¦I wouldnāt be ok with that as a possibilityā¦protect yourself and your daughter and your familyā¦
I wouldnāt speak to her ever againā¦ 
how awful 
Her warped attempt at projection is her trying to sanitize her own failures, the problem is that it is actually malignant towards you and your families present day non dysfunctional trust, let her heal and treat her own crap at distance
She sounds atrocious and needs to stay in her lane. You are not wrong to be irritated at all you should lose your shit on her honestly sheās overstepping so many boundaries
Um sheās worried about your SO when she wasnāt even worried about or bothered by what hers did to you? She can f$&k all the way off!
She is projecting. More than likely out of guilt. It isnt right at all and it sucks. Iāve been in the exact same position. Keep your head up.
Sounds like you just need to cut her out of your life
She wants you to lock your daughter in her room? Wtf? You definitely have every right to be mad, esp with her not giving a shit when it happened to you and not even knowing your partner
Try to keep your distance from her
Daughters Of Abusive Mothers
I suggest this group!
I agree with you! If I had to worry about my SO around my children I wouldnāt keep him around at all! I would be very irritated if someone kept bringing that up to me too
Not every man is a petaphile she needs to lighten up
Sounds like she is trying to manipulate you into believing something that isnāt true because of your childhood experience or maybe she finally feels guilt because of what happened to you. Either way, you know the warning signs the best and Iām sure you wouldnāt be in this relationship if you felt your significant other would harm your children.
Fuck her off!! Itās pretty simple.