Am i wrong for feeling the way i do or am i going crazy?

Little back story i was a victim of SA when i was young with my stepdad, it was a horrible my time and my mom at the time was resentful towards me and seemed to be on his side and blaming me for everything. Even going as far as sending him money in jail.
Fast forward to today, im 37 weeks pregnant with my second daughter and we live with my significant other (who has a bit of an age gap with me). My mother is always coming over and telling me to watch my first daughter because we dont know what my significant other might be thinking and even goes as far as to tell me to not let my daughter carry normal conversations with him and even suggested i padlock her room at night from the outside so no one has the key but me. Am i wrong to feel irritated and annoyed/angry at her for suggesting that my partner would be inappropriate? Especially given our past and how she never even got to know my partner she just assumes things?
Im not an idiot im a stay at home mom and my daughter is always with me and i never let her out of my sight , she never even stays alone with him or anyone. And what has me most bothered is we have actual proven pedophiles in the family and shes fine having family dinners with them and everyone sweeps what they’ve done under the rug
sorry for the long post


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am i wrong for feeling the way i do or am i going crazy?

It sounds like you have a toxic mother. I feel for you. First she victim shamed you and took the perpetrators side… Which is what no good mother would or should do. But then have the nerve to say you should watch your bf whoms never done any thing like that while totally disregarding what actually DID happen to you by HER BF!! If she brings it up again, if I were you… I would say "mom believe me I know to be careful and watch and know a pervert perpetrator when I see one, you know why, BC YOUR BF taught me what that looked like and was, don’t you remember? Not MY BF, so pleaae stop talking to me like MY BF is YOUR BF. BC he’s not and it’s very disrespectful to me.


I would cut ties with your mom, that doesn’t sound healthy for your family


that’s some heavy duty projection on her part :grimacing:


I was the victim of sexual assault and it was done by my mom’s boyfriend who she only knew for less than a year and she took his side and never believed me. That’s one of my main reasons for cutting her out of my life. Your mother honestly sounds toxic and probably shouldn’t be in your life


1st off I’m very sorry to hear of what happened to you hun. Secondly you have every right to feel the way you do and lastly your mother needs to cruise cut her off and those so called family members who’ve proven to be aswell, protect your babies from those ugly things and others out there who prey on kids… The nerve of her!

Your not wrong you need have talk with her

Set the boundaries now before this babe comes hon.

Get counseling to learn how to deal with her and definitely limit your interactions. “Love her from afar.” If she starts harping on your boyfriend stand up and show her the door or leave. DO NOT tolerate her behavior.

Tell mom to get counseling to process her fault and guilt from your childhood. This is so on her. It’s too late to make things right for you, what happened happened; she needs to learn how to have healthy relationships. Clearly she doesn’t know how.

Concentrate on your beautiful immediate family, enjoy your little one, and be happy. Fill your life with rational people who love you.


I’d definitely remind her that you are very well aware of the symptoms and signs of CSA at the hands of a step parent/mothers boyfriend in case she needs to be reminded


You’re mom needs help. I would have cut her out of my life as soon as she blamed her boyfriends disgusting behavior on you. Right then and there, dead to me. And when old enough to leave the house permanently cut her out with zero contact.

The audacity to stick up for your abuser and then turn around and suggest that you SO could be up to no good with no actual backing to her assumptions.

Your mom is gross.


Never ever padlock a bedroom door from the outside. What if there’s a fire? That was about the dumbest thing she said.


Get rid of the mother, she’s toxic as hell


I would go no contact until she gets professional help. Your mothers view is love the sick and padlock the children. YOU CANNOT TRUST HER TO PROTECT YOUR CHILD. And she is toxic for your partner. And the fact that he has done nothing wrong…and putting you in a place to defend him… against SA insinuations… sound familiar??? Only your allegations were real. Padlock your child in the room because she expects you to be weak and not alert like she is? She is still breaking bread with the family pedos… nope.


Sounds like she needs to go!


She has a guilty conscience! She should of protected you as a child


perhaps ask your mom why she didn’t believe you when you were a kid that she took her husbands side over her daughters. I would cut off your mom from making assumptions about your man and daughter she is basically blaming the child for what might happen just like she did you. Tell her if she comes to visit she needs to keep her opinions to herself.


Shame on your mother for not protecting you…You no what you have to do…pay attention …I was molested as a kid…and my kids never left my sight…maybe your mother is toxic…JS


Your mother is toxic. It sounds like she still resents you for what happened to you with your step dad and she is projecting that onto your life. She is trying to fill you with unnecessary worry. Unless there is a reason to be wary of your partner, there is no reason to be any more diligent with your daughters safety than you normally would be as a mother. This sounds intentional…if I were you, I would be careful with your mother in your life, it sounds like she could cause problems for you. (I have a strained relationship with my mother as well. She was not a good mother when I was growing up and she projected a lot of unnecessary paranoias onto me when I first had my kids…I keep her at a certain distance so she can’t cause me undue stress and problems.)


don’t let her say these things to you, She doesn’t want you to be happy & she is trying to infuriate you & this is all that will be going thru your mind. And why in the hell would allow her in your house and life & your kids, after what she failed to do to protect you??? Just because she is your mother, you don’t have to be around her. Nor do you have to love her. Throw her ass out. And yes, get counseling for what you went thru

Tell mom she’s right about pedos and how kids need safety from them so if (name of pedo family member) is at dinner, her home, or otherwise…Your children and yourself will NOT be attending.


Get her out of ur life…all dads are nt d same…

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I think she’s trying to make up for not protecting u by trying to protect ur daughter… shes definitely in need of some counseling. Shes got alot of guilt built up… if I were u I would ask her to get some help. I’m so sorry this happened to u. I hope that u and ur mother can find closure in all of this.


She’s completely projecting. By trying to insinuate pedophiles are everywhere, shes not looking at the ones in her own house. It would probably be best for you to cut ties. Especially if the same people who abused you would be around your daughter in any capacity.


ask her where the padlock for your room was! Get rid of toxic unfit mom!!


You need to write her off for your mental health!


Just a different perspective here but, resentments for you’re mom aside, maybe due to her life experiences she is picking up on something that you are not. Maybe sitting down and having a real conversation with her would be beneficial.


Cut mom off and live your life with out that negativity

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Sounds like she’s still resentful for you outing her former lover!

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Why do you even have a relationship with your mom and have her around your kids? I would be worried about your mom.


I think she probably doesn’t realize it, but I really believe there’s some kind of guilt there and she’s overprotective of her because of what happened with you. Clearly she has some issues she’s projecting onto others. I would say you both need some counselling and some boundaries. As a sexual assault survivor I’ve cut out all the family that didnt protect me, didn’t believe me, chose to support my abuser. I’ve been better as a result


I think she’s advising you to do what she wishes she would have done. She handled it poorly, and she’s probably speaking out of guilt. At least that what I would assume. Sorry you went through that. :heart:


Yes you have every right to be mad. She is projecting.

Wow! My mom just called me a liar and said I put my sister up to it too and a few years back told MY grown children this and I’d never even discussed it with them! She divorced him (not because of the molestation to her daughters) but continued to sponge off him for years and now living with him again…and still sponging! Needless to say she’s not in my life and never will be…12 years strong! :muscle:t3:


You sound like you’re incredibly smart and a survivor. You know what’s best. Yep and distancing yourself from her is probably best but a choice you and only u can make

Maybe she just has some sort of sick odd way of dealing with what you went through and resentfully wants it to happen to you and then if it does wants you to make the wrong choice and choose your SO over your daughter so she can be like “Ha told you so, not so easy is it” regardless of her intentions it all sounds incredibly unhealthy


Wow, she is trying to make up shit cause of what her man did to you. She is trying to cause trouble why would she even say this when she didn’t protect you from her man and blamed you. And never put a lock on the door what if there was a fire you may never get her out in time. Sounds more like she is being vengeful and trying to get payback. She needs to face reality.

Keep that toxic and negativity out of your home…simple. sounds like she is just being petty or spiteful. Coming from someone who was sexually abused and sexually assaulted as a child in her own family and through out foster care you have a better notice of the small things in people that aren’t or shouldn’t be around your kids…you notice the extra things and if your man isn’t giving those red flags she is just being petty…she is intentionally making these comments and probably due to her still not believing you or because of all you out her through in her eyes …don’t allow that in your home…don’t allow those ideas to be put into heads or anything…if she continues I can promise it won’t be long until you have issues in your relationship…and he feels you not doing anything is you believing he is as low as your mom is saying …if you know your daughter is safe and you know this and your mom is being petty …keep her away. Love how you mom can tell you how to protect your child but never did these things herself…and then was mad at you and not herself…this sounds like your mom’s sick way of coming at you…and again Iv been through sexual assault and abuse…I can read people…I don’t allow my kids even my boys with to many people and never alone…even my man now we been together 7 years have a daughter was there for my other daughters birth…never ever would I think he would be in any way perverse or whatever with my kids but I’m still hesitant…it’s just from personal experience my girls go with me to the store…to anywhere…I do allow my boys but I trust my man just it gives me a peace of mind when my girls are with me…I was sexually abused and assaulted by my own cousins and step uncle so I know that no one is above it…esp family and those you think you should trust …but if a red flag EVER happens …even just once…run away…don’t look past or make excuses or defend the red flag. Or you will be just like your mom…so just keep that in mind also…but good luck but best advice your mom seems horrible all the way around and I wouldn’t let that around my family and esp my babies…the negative influence she could have and the ideas she can implant or coach…I wouldn’t be ok with that as a possibility…protect yourself and your daughter and your family…


I wouldn’t speak to her ever again… :frowning: how awful :disappointed:

Her warped attempt at projection is her trying to sanitize her own failures, the problem is that it is actually malignant towards you and your families present day non dysfunctional trust, let her heal and treat her own crap at distance


She sounds atrocious and needs to stay in her lane. You are not wrong to be irritated at all you should lose your shit on her honestly she’s overstepping so many boundaries

Um she’s worried about your SO when she wasn’t even worried about or bothered by what hers did to you? She can f$&k all the way off!


She is projecting. More than likely out of guilt. It isnt right at all and it sucks. I’ve been in the exact same position. Keep your head up.


Sounds like you just need to cut her out of your life

She wants you to lock your daughter in her room? Wtf? You definitely have every right to be mad, esp with her not giving a shit when it happened to you and not even knowing your partner

Try to keep your distance from her

Daughters Of Abusive Mothers

I suggest this group!

I agree with you! If I had to worry about my SO around my children I wouldn’t keep him around at all! I would be very irritated if someone kept bringing that up to me too
Not every man is a petaphile she needs to lighten up

Sounds like she is trying to manipulate you into believing something that isn’t true because of your childhood experience or maybe she finally feels guilt because of what happened to you. Either way, you know the warning signs the best and I’m sure you wouldn’t be in this relationship if you felt your significant other would harm your children.

Fuck her off!! It’s pretty simple.