I don’t know that I would’ve wanted my mother in law to come, but since we lost her a few years ago when my husband was only 31! I wish we would’ve had those memories. So since then I’ve made it a point to let more family tag a long because who knows when they will be able to again?
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My husband and I went on vacation with my daughter and son in law, we shared a cabin. We split the cost with them also. It started out their vacation, but ended up ours. I did help with the kids a lot, so they would have alone time… even having them share our room a couple of nights so they could get some “rest” lol.
We drove two cars, and they took their family time, and still got a couple of date nights. We were able to go sightseeing, but could also relax at the cabin the days that they went off on their own. Being older, we enjoy sightseeing, but lack the energy to do it every day! It was great having a vacation and still being able to help with the grandkids! I would gladly do it again, and we are thinking about a trip to Disney next… we will still take two cars so we can separate if we choose, I want them to have their separate family time.
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It depends what your relationship is like with her! If you get on fine I’d take her along, it’ll be great memories for your children and she could baby sit some night while you two have a night out kid free 
I honestly understand, My Mom is very opinionated and sometimes we bumps heads when it comes to my oldest son 17 and taking her on vacation with us is stressful is family time so don’t feel bad
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No it is not wrong and she should know better. Go with you’re family. If she isnt ungrateful you can bring her back something.
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No you are not wrong. I as a mother-in-law would not expect to go with them
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I surprised my fiancé with a trip to Hawaii for his 50th birthday… His mom had never been and was saying how much she wanted to go but she could not afford it… I told my fiancé if she wants to go by all means she can go with us and I will take care of this cost… She was incredibly happy… Wonderful memories for us all
Absolutely not! It’s your FAMILY vacation! And yes, she’s family, but this is for you, your husband, and children! I can’t believe she would even ASK to go!
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Nope. They tagged along on every vacation. I thought we negotiated a night out, yeah, nope, they “forgot “ to be home so we could go out. This has happened for years. You would think I’d be used to it by now. I put my foot down this year and said if one person breathes a word, they aren’t going on vacation.
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I love it when my parents go with us on vacation. Im Sure he feels the same! We dont get them to ourselves very often so it’s nice to have that individual time every once in a while. We also are sure to go alone too. Just balance your time if you can and try to stay on the same page.
We took our mil on our anniversary trip…she was soo grateful…and we had a blast…she’s 79…she still talks about it…and has photos by her chair in her house to show everyone. Take her…she isn’t gonna be around forever…and your husband will have a terrific memory too 
Not at all! This is a family vacation, that means your husband, daughters, and you. She is extended family. Maybe plan a day trip with her or another trip if you can afford it, but do not feel bad for not taking her along.
We did that once. I do not recommend spending the whole vacation with MIL. If she is like mine, will not want to do the same things you do. She will not be able to take the heat on the beach for very long, etc. Mine has come up for part of ours, she kept the kids while we went to our high school reunion, for example. Then we had a nice breakfast and visit with her before she headed home. We spent the rest of our weekend at the beach with the kids.
No, but have a substitute in its place. “We are going on this just the four of us, but hoping you can join us for…”
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I don’t think it’s wrong. We do vacations with just my husband and kids. We have had his mother with us on a vacation to Texas as we all wanted to move there. We have been on vacation with all my children and in laws. Before covid we planned a trip almost yearly with them. Memories with us and the kids as they are actively involved in their lives. We split cost like hotel room and gas if we all ride together in my van. They pay for their food and we pay for ours.
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I completely understand wanting vacation for just your family without his mom! But maybe it could be an amazing idea. Maybe his mom can watch the kids for a night at the hotel while you and your husband have a date night. If you see her all the time and don’t need an extra pair of eyes or hands on your trip, and need a break then that’s ok it doesn’t make you mean. Enjoy your vaca!!
I did go. I was the nanny. Did not appreciate me what so ever. I paid my own airfare. I bought the food for the condo. Cooked. Stayed in the condo ( he paid for two rooms regardless if I was coming ) they were studios, never was asked if I minded being with my beautiful 1 year old who only breast feeds , no bottle ! I slept in the condo with my two grandsons. Was supposed to be me with my daughter an granddaughter in one , so I could get up in the morning go for a walk. But they decided to have me stay with the boys 7-4 so I could not leave them .
Needless to say I am now the bad guy.
I left in an Uber, the day I was supposed to fly back , it was hurtful
We did nothing “family “ time. I thought I was going as a third set of hands not just stay in the room . Opened my eyes how selfish they are. Needless to say I am being punished.
His mom was asked to go , she said absolutely not. I gave in . I should have listened to my inner voice. This was back in February. My heart is broken.
I love my daughter an grandkids so much but this has really hurt
Didn’t even see them on Mother’s Day 🥲
We took her with us for 15 years or better and I wish she was still with us
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Nope as a grandmother its now your time to make memories…
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As someone who just lost her mother April 1st, I would give anything to have the option to go on vacation with her. She has been battling cancer the entire time both of my kids have been alive, so we never got the opportunity. But, I also understand wanting time just you guys. I am probably in my feelings a bit. I always had the dream of going to Disney with my mom and my kids.
To be honest, we almost need more info to give a good answer. Things like does she go with you all the time or just occasionally. If she comes all the time then I can see why you wouldn’t want her to come. On the other hand if doesn’t usually come, then you should be more open to it. There are many other things that can affect the answer. My mom is an only child and her dad passed away when I was a baby so my grandma came on 1 trip with us each summer so that she could get away (she did go on some of her own tour trips when she was younger). But we always made sure we did 1 trip with just us. So like I said there really needs to be more info to give an answer.
It all depends , if she is all alone and has no one to be with while your gone, take her with , if someone can accompany her , tell her you would like to go on your own , this time around , maybe take her somewhere for the weekend when u get back !!
Feeling that way is not bad nor makes you a bad person, but some of our best vacations have included our parents. My parents and inlaws have vacationed with is for the past 4 years at the same time and it was great. They get to spend time with the kids away from our everyday/normal routine and we are able to get a few date nights.
No sometimes it just needs to be your family, but I’d include her in something else ( goes for both sides of family)
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Not wanting her to go doesn’t make you a bad person. BUT my husband didn’t want my mom to go on one of our vacations. I insisted, and he has never looked back. She spoiled us all. Made dinners since she couldn’t do as much as us all day. And then SHE WATCHED THE LITTLES SO WE COULD GO OUT ON DATES!!! That was the clincher. They’re big enough we don’t need her for that anymore. But we have lived every vacation with her.
It’s a no for me and no it doesn’t make you a bad person if you just want alone time with your husband and kids. If it were my in laws they lack self control. They would follow us everywhere, make rude comments and try to control how we parent our kids. That’s not a relaxing vacation. They also can’t be trusted to babysit (not saying this is your situation) but that’s also not a selling point for us. We would both just end up annoyed the whole time. Take her to dinner and spend dinner with her.
I’ve always gotten along with my in laws so HELL YA!! Take advantage of the family time
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Don’t feel bad at all!! Your family bonding trip is your time! Some MIL make things more difficult then they need to be. So go enjoy your family trip without any outside influences
You know, all the years I was married I never once had a vacation alone with just my husband or just my husband and kids. It was always with his family or my family, so I feel ya. But, with that being said…I don’t regret those vacations or the time spent with family. This summer, though, will be the first time my boys and I will have ever gone on a vacation without family…they are 18 and 21.
Gosh I’m hearing so much about she could help with the children for you and your husband to go out. Are you suggesting they take her along as a babysitter. Not nice.
Well, take her. Free child care. Take full advantage. Help watching the kids and possibly a vacation date night. 🤷
Nope…it’s your vacation…if you didn’t invite her and she’s inviting herself, she’s the one being rude, selfish, and not respecting boundaries. I’d plan the vacation and do not give her the details…
It’s fine that you just want your little family, but if she does tag along it might be nice to have help and get some free time with hubby.
My mother passed away unexpectedly in 2005…she lived with me. Gell and broke her hip and died 5 hours later. I would love to be able to be with her. My husband was great with her. I guess your situation would depend on age, and health situation.
It doesn’t make you a bad person…but It would be a free and safe babysitter so you two could actually enjoy some days without your kids on your vacation. Unless she is the mother-in-law from hell and she still thinks her son is a toddler 
in that case HELL NO !!!
I don’t think it’s selfish. But you should discuss your feelings with your spouse. I believe having her along would depend on the relationship you have with your MIL. Me… I could never vacation with mine…her and I are not compatible…she is toxic and manipulative with my husband and there are a couple other reasons I cannot post about.
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Nothing wrong with not wanting her to come, it’s your vacation your days off, my MIL has never come with us, in my case she used to live with us so it was a big no no , I guess it also depends how well you get along with her, good luck 
I understand what you’re saying and I feel the same way but I would let her go… she can babysit for you sonyou guys can have a date night which will be nice. But no you’re not a bad person if you say no.
Nothing wrong with you wanting spend time with just your family.
However, having grandma around to look after the kids can also give you and hubby some alone time that you wouldn’t have otherwise.
Depending on how old the children are of course.
Use this as an opportunity to have someone watch your child while you and hubby have a date night on your vacation. When we got married last year we took a “family moon” and my MIL stayed with us 3 days on our trip. It was awesome to have an extra set of hands on the trip and someone to stay with my youngest so I actually got to participate in the activities on the vacation!
First, why does she even know your looking at booking one? Trade secrets for sure. I would love to go on a trip with my mom, but intimate family vacations are a must in life
No your not a bad person, but it would be nice to have a third adult along, just in case you and your hubby want to have a date night? Plus she can help out with family activities, it would be great to have an extra pair of eyes at the pool/beach and amusement parks etc? Maybe your husband her son can ask to watch the kids? You can always go on a second one just you and your " little family" before or after this one, space it out? It would make great memories not only for you but your husband and kids! Talk to your husband about taking another one?
All those saying take her she might not be here next time, don’t guilt trip. Her, her husband or the kids might not be here next time. It’s not a reason to take here if she doesn’t want it.
I wish my mother in law would join. We visited fl. We asked her if we could take her to Legoland, seaworld and beach ( she lives in fl). She refused. Would have loved her to join. U never know when it could be last time
No your not a bad person. Sounds like plans your family are making and husband just happen to mention to his mom and she trying to go. When I was married for 11 years we went on vacation I can’t recall one time my mom asking to go with us when I told her. And when he told his mom she never asked one time either. Now when they wanted a family vacation they would mention it and we would make plans but never them interfering in our lives in that way. I see people saying oh free babysitter to watch kids. Well why do a family vacation if it’s like that. I’ve done vacations with out my kids too. Theirs their baby sitting time.
I see your point. But as for me with my papa recently passed. I’m not going anywhere that my nana can’t go. If something were to happen to my FL I would expect the same from my hubby.
Omg this made me think of my own mother and MIL! No you are NOT wrong in the least. If you want it to be just you guys don’t be afraid to tell them no. I’ve had to be “the bad person” more than once. If it’s something I don’t mind them tagging along, then I will invite you. But don’t invite yourself please or expect that I will or guilt trip because we didn’t ask. You are entitled to have your own family fun. Especially if it’s expensive already, adding an extra person (plus if they aren’t paying for it) would not be cost effective. Plus adding another adult may make it so you would have to get a second hotel room which can increase costs. Now, if said person offered to pay their own way and help out with kids… MAYBE I would consider it. But I would suggest just gently explain that it’s just going to be you guys this time and maybe next time they can come. 
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I pray there is more to the story because our parents are with us for a short time. You could always compromise. Spend a few days with and a few without her.
My mother in law tags along alot but i know she wont be around forever so i say yes a lot but also we do trips without her also. I want my kids to have the memories with her
We don’t know the situation, MIL might be overbearing and make the holiday less enjoyable. As others have suggested, maybe organise a weekend away to include her.
Absolutely not. It’s a family vacation with your family
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I would say bring her so she can take the kids while you and hubby have some time together. But then it would kinda annoying when yall want to do things together
Not at all, Do you have the right to want to just have your personal little family and maybe say hey well maybe we can plan another vacation where we can invite the grandparents
Explain this is a vacation just for your family. Speak to her and make a plan for a vacation including her. Not selfish at all!!
We took my mom on a Florida trip once. She babysat while hubs and I went out for a night on the town. We enjoyed it and mom did, too.
No it doesn’t however my Mothers Mom went on the few vacations we went on when I was growing up. My Dad wouldn’t have dreamed of not including her although they were very close. I cherish those memories and times spent with her.
I would let her tag. She could watch the baby while you and the hubby get alone time. Take advantage of any alone time you can get with your husband. Next vacation just go with hubby and baby
Take her along never know when you may need a break. Memories are made together, I’d give anything to be able to go on vacation with my Mom
It doesn’t make you a bad person at all. Just keep in mind that your mother in law might not be around someday. Think of the memories your children would have a chance to create with their Grandma.
Look for balance and understanding perhaps your hubby wants alone time with you and found a way to make it work. Just depends on how old the kids, and the MIL to better understand the issues or logistics. Hopefully it works out all in good faith.
I enjoy going on trips w the grandparents of the kids. Maybe talk to them and ask them their plans when they get to your destination. Maybe plan on doing a few diff activities. Some w them some without and some where they keep the kids so u and your hubby can have alone time
You can say this is a family trip and then plan something smaller that she can join.
Here is how I look at things after losing my sister when I was 17, battling cancer at 34, and holding hands of dying relatives. Life is sooo short tomorrow is never promised! You aren’t a bad person for wanting it to be your nuclear family at all but think of the memories you could also be making with her.
You might like having someone there to help with the kids. You and your husband can go out on a date or something too
It does not make you a bad person. A family vacation for you and your family is just that, she can come another time
I’m sure that if your mother-in-law sees your post, she’d say ‘no’ even if you asked her to tag along. She would be very hurt!
If you don’t want her to go then no it doesn’t make you a bad person which is what the question was . If you want along time with your family I think that’s reasonable and you shouldn’t feel bad for wanting it and let your husband handle it and tell her this time we are going alone but maybe you can come on the next trip or whatever he wants to say , but he should be the one to tell her in my opinion.
Can you plan two vacation one that includes her and one for just you guys! I’d never want to exclude a grandparent that wants to spend time and make memories with their grandchild…
I honestly loved when we would vacation to my (now ex) mother in law’s. Simply because she would go do stuff with the grandkids and allowed us to have a day or night out, just the two of us, so we could have done fun on our vacation too. Sometimes they can be beneficial. But I also completely understand wanting it just to be y’all. My SO and I are planning a family vacation next summer. My mom mentioned her and my dad tagging along. As great as that would be, I want it just be us. It’s a chance for us to be a family and have family fun without other family members budging into it
Everyone commenting on the MIL to babysit. I don’t see where the children’s ages are noted. Maybe they are older kids and don’t need a babysitter. Also, you can still spend time with in-laws without it being on your vacation. We did go together a couple times, but it surely doesn’t have to be that way.
My mom goes with us to a lot of things. Allow these moments. Grandparents are only here for a short time.
Have her this time and then the next one, tell her it’s just you guys and the kids… it will hurt her feelings and definitely cause a rift between your relationship with her and potentially your relationship with your husband and even the kids…
Not at all but then again… we have talked about having our parents on vacation. It all just depends on the relationships and the reason behind not wanting her there.
Yes dear absolutely bad… wat if ur mom says…wants to come… remember parents life is not long… try and adjust dear… its family…no family completes with out parents…
We’d always take my mom, not only for the kids to have that quality time and memories with their grandmother, but cuz she’d always help pay too!! Lol 
Here’s my take… if you are able to take a few vacations every year then I think you should let your mother in law join you on this one. If you take one vacation a year I can totally understand you not wanting her to tag along.
Only if you want a sitter, if you don’t, then tell him you don’t want his mother with you guys. It’s all about communication
There are a lot of judgmental people here considering the lack of background information…
Yes, it could very well be her last one. I bet if you needed her for something or needed money you would be begging her to go.
I don’t think you’re wrong as everyone is entitled to their opinions and wants. I’m close to my mil but, I also want her around to experience things with our son so he has those memories with her.
It depends…how often do yall vacation… does the MIL live with you… is there a reason you don’t get along? Depends on alot
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Just tell him you do enjoy spending time with his mom but for this trip you would prefer it just be yall and that yall can plan another with her… it doesn’t make you a bad person because even though it s a vacation you would still feel like you would have to host her and you need to enjoy it too without that put on you.
No it doesn’t make you a bad person. If he wants vacay time with your family perhaps a long weekend some place.
Wanting time/a trip with just your husband and daughter does not make you a bad person. Everyone who says you’re “selfish” for not including your MIL is wrong, they don’t know your life and your circumstances. There are plenty of other times and ways to include your wider family, take this moment to recharge yourself and include her in other plans at another time.
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No, not wrong. Remember people there is a time and place for tag-alongs. I wish mothers/grandmothers would learn their places. This isn’t meant to be rude, but there ARE boundaries and setting them is healthy for everyone involved.
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I would never say no to my parents.or my husband’s.
If you can afford 2 vacations. Do one with your mil and one by your self… maybe your mil will watch the daughter so you and your husband can have a nice day
No, she should have waited to be invited. I would feel the same if it was my own mother or my husbands.
No it doesn’t. But perhaps you could also plan an outing and include her. And she’s and adult she should understand!!
No it’s not mean. Set boundaries. Boundaries are very healthy. She can go when you guys go on weekend trip.
You are not a bad person. I am going to vacation without any of my family. I wouldn’t want anyone around me.
Absolutely not tell the mother in-law firmly but nicely it’s a family holiday .
No it doesn’t . My father in law went on ours with us miserable vacation
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My son in law wants me to take vacations with them. He invites me. I go sometimes and sometimes I don’t.
No I don’t think you are wrong. Take your family vacation and maybe take her on a weekend outing another time
Not wrong at all but… might get some time alone w just hubby!! Let MIL take the girls for a bit!!
Please let her go. I am on the other side as we (spouse and I) were invited to go on some of my adult kids and their kid’s vacation and we didn’t go. Twenty years later my sweet daughter in law has passed on and we all don’t have the memories we could have had and the bonding we could have done. If I could do it all over again I would go every time.
My parents went with us on vacation twice. It was really nice tip have them with us
Not a bad person. There are vacations that I plan with my family that I want to be just my husband and kids. You are allowed to having bonding time with your family when and how you decide.
Depends on your mother-in-law. I had one who was a nightmare!