Am I wrong for not giving my ex our daughters social?

I divorced my husband last year, but I have primary custody of our daughter. My ex has weekend visitation. I handle all the insurance, health appointments, and schooling. Because he was struggling, I decided not to file for any support to let him get on his feet because, at the time, I was doing pretty well for myself. It has been hard because her health insurance alone runs around $200 a month, along with her day to day and childcare expenses. Luckily I have been able to work from home, so I haven’t had to pay for childcare since March 2020, but I have been working reduced hours. I am expecting another daughter in May, and funds are starting to get really tight for my boyfriend and me. Even the half-hour drive to his apartment and the half-hour drive back every Friday night, and Sunday is taking its toll on our expenses (He doesn’t have a car at the moment). Recently he asked me for her social security number so he could file for food stamps and public assistance. I am hesitant to give it to him since the requirement for public assistance is that you are providing more than 50% support for a dependent. I know part of me is hesitant to give him her social security number since he would be committing fraud, but at the same time, I’m looking at potentially either needing to file for supporting myself once I go out on maternity leave (which I can’t do if he files with her) or filing for support from him. As her father, I think he should have at least copies of her legal documents and identifications; however, he has never asked for copies of her birth certificate or even her insurance card. I am trying my best to maintain a good relationship with him, but every time I talk to him, he talks about ordering takeout a few times a week, going bowling and parties with his friends, or the new video games he bought. I have been doing everything I can to pay the bills that. Yes, it angers me a little when he talks about spending his money so frivolously, but I know I have no say on how he utilizes his money. Am I selfish keeping important documents away from him even if I know his intentions on how to use them?


Don’t let him use your daughter for assistance. And stop letting him get away with not financially supporting her.


You need a court order for both child support and custody. This also makes it harder to commit fraud in his part.


Do not give him her social. He doesn’t need it for anything

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dont give him any info if he can afford to go out and blow money he can afford food and he should be helping you with money


He doesn’t need it. He can’t collect assistance on a kid he doesn’t have more than half the time


He maybe trying to claim her for tax purposes


No, if you know he is going to use her info to commit fraud you are in the right to not give it to him. He could use her info to try and get cc or loans so I wouldn’t and do what you have to protect her from anything that can harm her in the future


I wouldn’t. He could open up credit cards with her info…

literally. nope I wouldn’t do it. Unless he wanted you to fill out his paperwork for him. Tbh.


If you’re not happy with not receiving support from him, go file. You cannot withhold her information from him.


If he doesnt spend his money wisely than that is his fault. Do not let him use his daughter as a default. That is not ok.


He will claim her on his taxes as well


If he wants that info make him go get it on his own. He just doesnt want to put the effort into taking time to do that.


file for support its not just your responsibilty and donot give him social!!!

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Dont he could be trying to get it to file taxes on her and get money


Don’t give it to him… I’m willing to bet he wants to file her on his taxes. There is no reason for him to need it. Also if he isn’t even paying any support he needs to figure out how to get her for visitation. He’s an adult and needs to step up for his daughter. It’s not your responsibility to make him act like a dad. You’ve given him enough time you should file for child support as well. You’ve been nicer and more understanding than most. If he has money to waste then he has money to help support his child.


Do not do it it is fraud for him to.


He can’t get welfare benefits for a child he doesn’t have custody of. 50% for a dependent is only for taxes honey, not welfare. Hes likely trying to claim her on his taxes.


No. You’re not. If he wanted them, as her father, he could very well get them himself. It… Shockingly… Just costs money and time, which clearly, he’s not going to invest either into. He’s taking the easy way out. File for support. The party’s over. Time for dad to grow up and start stepping up to take care the responsibilities he helped create. I think asking for half of all expenses is more than fair. And. I’m petty, so I’d ask for back support as well. At this point, it’s not personal. You’re struggling, and your circumstances have changed, while he’s out there having a good time and doesn’t want to give up his current lifestyle. Bullshit, dude. Man up.

Do not give any thing to him. Not paying you child support and he does not hp with the transport on weekend. Even if it is cash. No no no nor your problem


Do not do it! He does not have even 50% custody and she does not live there! That is complete fraud. Do not help him commit it


They’ll go after you.


He doesnt need it. Especially if he isnt oayimg child support. Nope.


Maybe it’s just me, but im thinking he’s gonna file taxes and screw u over :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:


Your doing way too much honey especially spoiling a grown man


Be smart mama. It’s tax season. He’s not applying for food stamps… he’s going to try and claim her on his taxes. I would keep it for yourself since you’re her sole provider and if you need them in the future, you know that you don’t have to jump through hurdles to get whatever it is you need with her social. Especially if you’re going to apply for food stamps or public assistance, they’ll flag YOU for fraud because her social is already being used for another open case. He needs to step up before he asks for things like that…


I wouldn’t maybe he wants to file taxes claim her also I would start getting childsupport if he has money to have fun all the time he can help support her


Do not give him nothing, how you gonna possibly go to jail for fraud or never be allowed to have public assistance bc he can’t learn to manage his money???


Nope! He can’t get food assistance for a child who doesn’t live with him 50% of the time. I wouldn’t trust that he will try and claim her on his taxes either.


Slippery slope once he has it
I’ve seen too many men file taxes on a child they don’t take care of. You can go to court and have a agreement to alternate years filing her. If you don’t trust him to only do that I WOULDN’T share her number.

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I’d bet that he is trying to claim her on taxes. It seems awfully fishy he just happens to be filing for assistance right when tax season is starting.


My thoughts went right to taxes. If he files before you and claims her as a dependent he’ll screw you out of that tax credit. Don’t do it.

If you have physical custody,he cannot get public assistance,even though you make more money than him, he had a legal obligation to support her. He could use her as number and birth certificate for any number of things.if he gets mad, he needs to man up and be a dad


She doesn’t reside with him so he shouldn’t be putting her on his welfare application

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Do not do it! It’ll be a hole you can never get out of

If you help him and then you need it you will hurt yourself if you do. Just stop and think about it.

He can easily get it. He can go to the office and say he lost her card, show his, and request a new one.

Do not give it to him!! He doesn’t even help you support her why would you let him commit fraud so he can get over on the system? He should be able to feed himself if he isn’t contributing at all to raising the child. Absolutely not. You could get in trouble knowing it’s fraud and letting him do it


Don’t do it he’ll file taxes and get the stimulus for her and him I don’t trust nobody


Protect your daughters information at all cost protect yourself as well once he has the information there is no getting it back

I would NOT do it. He has her the weekends which leaves u screwed the entire week and it seems as though ur already doing everything for him.

Once he does that he can also claim her on taxes. He can also go after u for support, Bc when they file for assistance that means he’s saying he has sole custody. Or over 50%. Many states if u get help they go after the other for support and they don’t need him to say ok go after her , nope bc he’s getting assistance the state will come after u for support. That will screw u. I’ve been through this. When u file it’s whoever gets there first . Say he files first then u go to file and u claim her too, it will come back in 24-48 hrs w a rejection for u bc he filed first. Yes u can fight him. That costs money tho and attorneys. The only way he could get that assistance is if u say he has sole custody. He may not even need ur signature for it either if there is no actual court documents saying u have custody the balls in his court. Don’t give him that number. Don’t u think it’s weird he’s asking at tax time. This will also effect ur stimulus if they pass another one. He will get that money for the child. U have been nice enough to not take out support on him. U have a baby on the way. Everyone is struggling right now . U don’t know what tommorow holds. God forbid ur bf was to loose his job or anyone of y’all get covid and can’t work. Then u will need the help.

Nope! He will try to claim her on taxes!! Why don’t you apply for food stamps ?!?

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This happened to me with my oldest son… turns out his father wanted to claim him in his taxes and did… he ended up having to pay them back but its extra forms for you to prove you have provided most of her support. Also if he uses her for food stamps and public assistance, depending on your state, they can garnish money from you to pay for it. This happened to my mother years ago when my father got public assistance.

No, he’s probably going to try to claim her on his taxes. If you’re taking care of everything for her, he does not need this info. Not only that, but if he really is just using it to get assistance, the state might try to get child support from you.

Look at ur parenting agreement if it states u both are allowed access to that info u can be held in contempt of court. I went threw this with my hubs and his baby momma. He needed it for insurance purposes. She refused. He called DSHS and they gave it to him immediately and told him to file for contempt cause she wasn’t allowed to withhold that info according to their agreement. My hubs never filed for contempt we just documented the incident. Read ur paperwork!

Why would he be able to claim her on a food stamps case? He isn’t feeding her 50% of her meals. No. That’s insane. And right around tax time? It would be a hard pass!
What happens if/when you need help? You won’t be able to claim her to get it.


My sons dad did this a couple years ago, has nothing to do with him. He doesn’t even live in the same state as us. I told him no. He did it right around tax time too. I wouldn’t give it to him. If he wants it he can obtain a copy of said child’s birth certificate and go request one from the social security office himself. If he claims your child on taxes before you file you will then be dealing with the IRS investigation for a long time. I’d file for child support and custody through the courts. Do not let him claim the child for any type of assistance.

No no no. & if he files for assistance claiming her, the state can come after you for support since he & your daughter will be getting state aid. File for cs so it’s on record.

Once either of you is on assistance (in most states and cases) the other parent will be put on child support. Don’t give it to him

He will probably try to claim her on his taxes as well and get more $$$

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Don’t do it, my ex made a copy of our daughter’s and he claims her on taxes meanwhile he doesn’t look for her or help maintain her and he put some stuff under her name which I’m currently fighting to get it removed

I agree with all the ladies telling you not to, bc I could bet anything it’s bc he wants to claim her on his taxes which it totally not ok. Your are her sole caregiver therefore YOU should claim her not him… and don’t let him bully you into giving it to him no matter how bad he makes you feel!

No your enabling him

Sounds like your worried about him
But at the same time your more worried about your self
He’s the father :confused:
I don’t understand why women treat men differently just because you guys decided to have a child and brake up

I would file for child support since he has so much extra money. If you have full custody and pay for insurance and everything else. I would file. It’s his kid too he should take responsibility.


No no no you have primary custody he does not need her social he doesn’t need to add her to his food stamps when she’s only there on weekends but I would look at your paper work and talk to your lawyer

No you are doing the right thing

Absolutely not!
This dad needs to get out and work harder to help support his daughter. He is using her to get free handout while you are working to support her. Do not enable him. He needs to take some responsibility for her care.

He is irresponsible and expects you to do without so he can be a bum. Don’t enable him.

Depending on your state laws, if he files for assistance they state could go after YOU for Child support! And like you said…it is fraud. That’s not ok. Just tell him…you went above and beyond as long as you could, but now he needs to start pulling his own weight with her care.


Nope keep it and put him on child support he has money to buy everything else he can help take care of his kid too. It’s tax season he might be trying to claim her

No… this much explanation isn’t even necessary really. ‘Am I wrong for not helping my ex commit assistance fraud by claiming our daughter as a dependent when he is ineligible?’

Knowing he intends to do this for sure makes you in the right, even if you weren’t in a situation where you might need the assistance yourself. If he is legally entitled to the documentation there is nothing to stop him from filing for that ssn paperwork or birth certificate himself. If he’s not, you don’t have to provide it to him. It’s not sour grapes just because he’s your ex and is mad about it.

Don’t do it it’s tax season he’s going to claim her.


Nope. You have primary custody and it’s illegal.

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Go ahead and try to get on wic, that way you’re already on assistance and it’s a moot point.

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Don’t do it. He can actually get a credit card under her name and mess her credit score up.

Something is telling you not too.
You did more for him already then some women would which kudos to for being that person.
But no…
He can cut back on the take out to make up for the lack of funds he has for groceries.

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Don’t give him her social. They’ll most likely make you pay child support. Also, if he’s filing for himself, there is absolutely no reason he needs to add your daughter, especially if she only sees him on weekends. He could also be using that as an excuse to file her on his taxes which he shouldn’t bc she doesn’t live with him & he doesn’t support her 50%.

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No. Not only is he not contributing to the care of your child but now he wants to take from her benefits to support himself.

You need to stop giving in. He needs to be responsible

That’s a no from me. He doesn’t need it - don’t let him guilt you into it or saying that he needs it because he’s her dad. He can do a lot of things under her social security number. There’s a pretty good chance that if he filed for state assistance for himself and her, you’d have to pay him child support. If I were you, I wouldn’t give the social security number and I would file for assistance.

Your gut feeling is telling you no and I’m a firm believer in go with your gut. It never steers you in the wrong direction.

Please do not give it to him.

Not if you have primary custody and may need to have assistance for yourself soon. This will just open a can of worms, in my opinion, and end up screwing you in the long run. He is already getting assistance by not having to support his child in the first place.

No do not give him it . Trust me .

Dont give it to him. If he claims her on his taxes youre sol. And he cant get food stamps for her if he isnt taking care of her.

File for child support and have him help pay for her expenses and then once he is actually helping then it wouldn’t be fraud when he claims her and assuming that he actually pays then you would get help with her expenses.

No don’t give him that information he could use it to claim her on his taxes

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Sorry I did read it wrong! Then, yes I do think that her dad should help with the travel expenses since she has to do all the transportation to take her back and fourth! But, I do not feel like the dad is entitled to food stamps on the daughters behalf when he’s not supported her at all. I know all too well how it feels not to try and make a situation worse than it can be. Having a decent relationship with a child’s father that you have to keep in contact with is crucial. It’s like if you ask for help, all hell will break loose because now he will say that your putting him in a even bigger financial mess. Sooo, personally, if it was me, id file for child support. It’s not your problem that he isn’t financially stable, or even responsible when it comes to what’s most important! If that causes a strain in the relationship between him and you and your child, then so be it. You don’t have to deal with him any way?

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Dont give it to him, he could be doing other things that you may not.know of…keep it yourself…

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Ok well I guess I’m the only one on the other side of this just because I’ve been there but the situation isn’t really the same. We tried opening a savings account for my step daughter when she was 4 and needed her social. Her mom wouldn’t give it to us. We still opened one under our names but it was really disheartening because we wanted to make it a whole thing to teach her about money. We took her piggy banks up there and let her put it all in the coin machines but when it came time to actually do the account, we couldn’t put her name on it. Anyway, we ended up getting a copy of their last joint taxes they filed together so we could have her social if we needed it in the future. All that to say, if he wants it bad enough, he will probably find a way to get it. I think y’all just need to sit down and have a serious conversation about it. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

They’ll go after you for chils support


I say no. U r providing her care. What next? He gonna claim her on income taxes? No way.

I live with my bf. He gets disability.(messed up back) hes mentioned claiming our oldest to file for food stamps. I said if he claims he can shell out and financially support every aspect of our child’s needs. Diapers. Wipes. Formula. Clothes. Everything. He never asked again. Now we have a 22 month old and a 9 month old and 22 weeks with #3. Which I have financially supported since day 1. I’ve never asked for public assistance. There r ppl out there who desperately need it and cant get it. If i can do this on my own i will.

No. In these crazy times, you never know if there will be a time that you may need that help.

If he had her half the time then yes he is in his right to file and get assistance. But he doesn’t have her so he would only be using his daughter to get assistance for himself when that assistance would be to help for her. He’d be receiving it for her. That’s not right. That’s a no for me. I hope he doesn’t go and ask for another card to get a hold of her social. Hope he doesn’t give you a hard time :disappointed:

I wouldn’t give it to him :woman_shrugging:

No. If she lives with you you should be trying to get assistance not him. Hes also going to use it to claim her as a dependent on his taxes. Trust me, been there. Hes also taking advantage you in alot of ways. I understand you may want your daughter to have a relationship with her father, but it’s not your responsibility to get him to her for visitation it’s his. Especially if it’s causing you a financial hardship. You’ve bent over backwards to accommodate him.


DO’NT DO IT! you owe him nothing!

if he get cash aid they will make you pay for it. how would that be fair to you to be paying for everything plus his cash aid

Hell no don’t do it. You’re her mother and primary care giver. He just wants to use you to get money off her. If he has no car no money. NO VISITATIONS. Sounds like you can use the help more especially with a baby on the way

No and get the support for your self if you need it ! Even if its only to till you start full hours

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Do not give it to him and file for child support. If he can eat out several times a week and spend a bunch of money on video games he could be using that money to help support his daughter. Regardless if you apply for assistance yourself they will automatically go after your ex for child support.

How about helping him seek employment opportunities

You are being smart. Definitely do not give it to him especially since you already know it’s going to be used for fraud

If you have primary custody I would not. He shouldn’t be able to claim her for anything only having her that little bit. Send food with her when she visits him if you have to

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I would file for support and not give him anything. You seem very reasonable.

If he has her social, he can claim her on taxes and get the refund. Also, he can fight for custody and you would end up paying child support if he gets the majority. Honestly, I would get a parenting plan written up asap for your own security. Don’t give the social to him


i would assume the man knows where she was born, date of birth and your name–as well as his. he can simply write to the county in which she was born and pay to get another certified birth certificate. if he has ssn-- he can request a replacement ss card-- it’s not that hard to get this information if you are the legal guardian or parent. my husband was non-custodial parent. we simply did exactly that and got the b/c’s for the kids and also a ss card for them. parents/legal guardians can get this information.

I would put him on child support. You have a right to be upset about his spending when he isng supporting his daughter.

Nope. He isn’t supporting her, he doesn’t get to claim her. Plus, as everyone else has said, it can cause legal issues for you.