Am I wrong for not letting my boyfriends side of the family see our baby?

My baby is biracial, but my bf family is low-key racist. I’m due in a couple of weeks, and I do not want them to see my daughter when she is born, but my bf is saying that I’m overreacting over this comment his mother made about being afraid the baby’s skin tone gonna be “too dark” but like I said she’s not even born yet, besides being “too dark” is highly offensive and racist.

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if theyre toxic, theyre toxic. doesnt matter who they are in the family😒

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Fuckkkk thatttttttttttt. Racist is racist

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That is unbelievable, the nerve of some ppl!!! Keep that woman away!!!

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You are not obligated to let ANYONE see your child. If they’re toxic, they’re toxic. People who make “jokes” like that always have some sort of truth in how they feel coming out in it. No fucking thanks

That is a tough one. But you have a chance to show her that a person’s worth is not within their skin color. Maybe you can change her views and break her ignorance about it.

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Wow. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m with you, I wouldn’t let them around my baby. When your child gets older and hears those comments she may look at herself as those toxic evil people do

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I think racism is disgusting on all levels.
But it absolutely was the norm back in the day.
This baby could be the key to opening their hearts and eyes to more than skin color.
Honestly, it would depend on the future relationship you plan to have with your man.
Coming from experience it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone- wanna marry them and have their kids but expect them to keep their parents separate.
I’m all for cutting off contact.
But I’m all for giving a chance first too.

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Is the baby not his?? Why are you dating someone who would want you and your biracial child around his racist ass family?

Your baby could be the whole reason they start seeing differently and changing their heart and you are standing in the way of that.

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Is your bf the father? I’m confused. I’m assuming it’s the father that has dark skin?

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I can’t believe that you are ok with that. Wtf??

Two thoughts: I’ve seen racists fall in love with their bi racial grandchildren and it completely opens their eyes to how ignorant they’ve been. But children internalize that racism and it can be really damaging if she ever ever ever says anything like that again in front of her.

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Give her the opportunity to meet her grand daughter.

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I love seeing once racist people with their biracial grandkids… Grandkids can change a persons entire way of life and thinking…

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I would have been like and I hope your ignorance will change before this baby comes or you may never get the chance to meet them. Do not play those games.

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Absolutely not a tough decision, if she can say that to your face imagine what she can say to your baby. I would tell her to stay away and your boyfriend seems ok with the racist disrespect… I would reality check him too!! Your baby will be beautiful

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Brown is beautiful , people who are racist it’s like stuck in their genes, they think so wrong …it’s not right. I would be so pissed off. You’re the mother you make the rules. That’s what I do. People hate on me but I could care less, like for example I took my kids out of school because the kids were to mean and racist. So I moved. My children have friends of all different races and colours they’re happy, you gotta do what have too. I’m so happy I moved them

Personally, I’m too nice of a person to not at least give them a chance. I’d give them a chance but as soon as they say or do the smallest shit like that again it’s over, bye.

I think you two should let no one see the baby the first couple of days and just have that time between your little family. I think that you should set ground rules on what guests can say around your baby, who take and post pics, etc… if they do come.That’s just my thoughts I’m not a therapist.

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That sucks but at the end of the day you didnt make this baby alone. Once bub is born, your partner has just as much rights and just as much say as you do and if he wants family to meet baby, then you should allow them. Be there and any snarky comments, ask them to leave but imagine the divide it will cause between you and your partner if you dont allow them

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My sister has biracial children. Both of my parents were “low-key racist” before she had their first grandchild 5 years ago. The birth of my niece completely changed them both.

It’s obviously your choice…but they might surprise you :woman_shrugging:t3: Now, if they are making racist remarks and such after meeting your baby, then definitely stay away from them.

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Pretty sure she’s gonna love the baby at first sight…
So be a cool mum and give her a chance…
Because u know better :blush::wink:

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She’s scared. Once she meets the baby she’ll immediately fall in love.

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If they are toxic, they are toxic. Skin colour, sexuality, etc don’t even factor in.

I would also sit down with your bf’s mom and explain that her comments were racist and way off base and as such, in keeping with the best interests of your child, that you are choosing not to have your baby around such negativity. This is a new life, with new beginnings in a blended family, and should be regarded as a miracle.

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Just remember u are NOT the only one that makes the calls… dad has a voice for hes child too…

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toxic is toxic! and mixed babies are beautiful!!

I’d give her one chance, and if anything is said even semi racist, cut ties right then and there.

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Be the change you want to see in this world. More division isn’t going to help them to be more accepting. At the end of the day it all comes down to the golden rule, “Treat people the way you want to be treated” lots of love and happy thoughts to you and your family!! Congrats on baby!! You got this momma!!!

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Reading all these comments it’s clear that no one is forgiving . Put it aside it was a terrible comment and let her see the baby. BTW there is a law called grandparents rights .

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I would give her a chance tbh. And if she is racist to your child then cut off

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Yes you are overreacting!
If he is the father you should let them see her. Either way she will love her grandchild. And if he isnt the dad but you plan on being with him forever still yes they should be able to see her and any future kids yall have.
Also sit down and talk with his mom about it

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First time my dad met my son he’s said hes not that dark can pass of as white I can tell people iv got a grandchild now that was 9years ago and haven’t seen him since no one will make my son feel bad in his own skin do what you feel best for your baby x

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Never know, the baby may be the thing to unite you all and change their ignorant perspective. If the racist comments continue though, feel free to stay away from that toxicity.

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Unless they’ve threatened to harm you or baby, you’re wrong. My own dad was racist growing up. Guess what…he has mixed grandbabies. And hes a great grandfather :heart:

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I would totally understand if you didn’t let them see your baby I wouldn’t blame you at all. However from an outsiders perspective I also see a great learning opportunity for them. Let them know your baby and get attached and prove them wrong. Teach them race means nothing. Worst case if they are that arragent you’ll catch on in the first year and your baby won’t ever remember meeting them🤷

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I wouldn’t prevent her from seeing the baby but not until after the birth. If she does say something I’d address it at that moment. I wouldn’t let it go.

Personally I would let them know the comment bothered you. I would also give them the chance to have that eye opening moment when they hold their grandbaby for the first time. If they want to continue the nonsense then throw the ban hammer. Even old dogs learn new tricks.

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I was racist 1 time and a 5 year old bi racial child turned me completely around. I absolutely love that lil girl as if she was my blood. Your baby will melt their hearts!!! Just give her the chance to show you what a miracle she is, Changing 1 racist heart at a time…

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It’s his baby too. 🤷

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Yes it’s racist. Yes it’s hurtful. Here’s the thing, your beautiful child could quite literally change their hearts.

Many people that are racists are coming from a place of fear or poor experience. It’s not your job to educate them, but it’s possible their point of view may be significantly altered when they experience the love of your child. Give them the opportunity to learn and grow, and in turn give your child the opportunity to maybe know it’s grandparents.

If they prove later that they are still racist and still say hurtful things, you have every right to distance yourself. It’s their loss. You gave them the opportunity and they failed…that’s on the them.

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People are ignorant. I think you should sit his family down and tell them how you feel. Let them know that IF they continue to Perpetuate the racist attitudes they have shown you that they will not be allowed to be in your child’s life

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Racism is harm to your children. Point Blank. If you’re allowing harm to your children then you are toxic as well. Make that well known to them

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Educate with love instead of Punishing.
I have seen many
bi ricial children change the beliefs of a lot of grandparents, inlaws and others.
Give them a chance in the beginning when the child is too young to understand and if they do not change then that’s when you make the decision. But make your beliefs and expectations clear to everyone. Especially your partner so he can back you up. Become a United front against racism and make sure they understand to never say anything inappropriate around your children, regardless of their beliefs.
They step up And be better people or they will not be involved in the children’s lives.

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Maybe there maybe their granddaughter is what they need to help them realize that maybe they’ve been thinking the wrong way

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I don’t know how you didnt see the racism in his family before you had a baby or maybe you chose to ignore it until you became pregnant. Some of yall ask for those problems. Couldn’t be me.

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Sad but sometimes it takes a baby for a change , just see how it goes

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I think you should give them a chance. One look at your beautiful baby will probably take care of it. Babies can’t have too many people who love them.

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Lmfao bi racial baby’s are actually born light & turn darker as they grow so if she thinks your newborn is gonna be too dark she’s in for a wake up call

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It’s his child as much as yours so in all honesty he doesn’t need your permission to let his family see HIS child. Don’t be that baby momma. Give them a chance. Then if they mess it up that’s on them, not you.

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Toxic family is toxic family. Racist shit aside. He should be able to see your side here or he hasn’t changed much from them

They are his parents so I would say let them come later that day or the next day. But i wouldn’t personally let them enjoy the birth of my baby after that. Never let anyone around your children who can’t respect you.

Grandbabies change the world

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Be upfront about the comment. Tell them it bothered you and that there is nothing wrong with being of a darker pigment.

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My 5 yr old doesn’t get to see her fathers family because of race. Their choice not mine. “How dare her dad have a half white kid”. :woman_shrugging:. I tried tho. Some how I’m racist with 3 mixed kids. Who knew :woman_facepalming::woman_shrugging:

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So for everyone saying she could unlock some secret moment making her mother in law not racist with her child… THAT IS NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY OR HER JOB! I’m speaking from experience. As a mother her job is to protect her children from that type of negativity. There is a small window where you can limit what your children are exposed to and create a healthy, safe, foundation for them to thrive. That’s where her energy should be focused on. Me personally, if my in laws want a more active role in my children’s life, great, but you gotta square some issues with me first. Regardless of a child being half white, they’re still a person of color and its important that they don’t attach any negative connotation to that. So comments about skin color, stereotypes, anything that is disrespectful to the parent of color will not be tolerated PERIOD. That is a non negotiable.

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I think you need to think of your boyfriends feelings. I mean nothing absolutely awful was said or done? Just let them know how you feel stand your ground ! But I can imagine your boyfriend must be upset about that

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It’s his family, your daughter is a part of them, you have to give them a chance. When the baby gets here, you’d be surprised how they change. And you may need to tell them sometimes like “yo that’s offensive”.

My son’s father’s mother and some family were racist. My son has like 12 cousins that are mixed with either black or Hispanic. His mom changed and loved them just the same. And she’s crazy af and wasn’t shy about voicing her opinion, no matter how wrong or insane.

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Honey, if it starts out like this, it won’t ever change. Don’t even give them an opportunity to be there- your innocent sweet angel doesn’t deserve those vibes and nasty thoughts around her! Unreal!! People are crazy.

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Give them a chance. X

Give them a very cautious chance. If they blow it they can deal with the consequences, and do not let any stupid comments or ridicule to slide.
Stand your ground. Good luck. :crossed_fingers:
Also, babies’ skin colour can change :woman_shrugging: my son was born very white, then was tan like me (I’m Ecuadorian) and now his skin has gotten lighter like daddy’s (brit-Israeli).

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I believe you are the only one that can decide that. I would see how they react to their grandchild first. This child may turn their views on the color of someone’s skin. All of us are GOD’S CHILDREN!! This world needs to stop hating on ppl for color. We are all equal!!!:revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts:

My daughter is biracial and I also worried a lot about how others would react. She is 5 now and both sides have changed perspectives dramatically. Children have a way of bringing families together. I no longer am concerned about it, and have learned that typically those who have issues have never really known anyone of another skin color. Their ignorance is disgusting but if no consequence to me or my family.

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If his mother is afraid of her grandchild’s skin being “too dark” that already tells you how she feels about you. Either he puts his mother in her place and be on you and his child’s side, or you do it for him.

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I’m a mixed baby. My father is Mexican and my mother is white. With age I’ve come to see that a good chunk of my mom’s side is racist. No one has said anything hurtful about me. They all love me. My problem is that they say hurtful things about other Hispanic people. It’s a struggle to want to be around them knowing they’d feel the same way about me if I wasn’t their family member. It’s like they choose to forget my father is Mexican. I’m also married to a Latino and we have beautiful Latino babies. I refuse to let my children ever feel discriminated against by family. I have distanced myself from them as an adult. We see each other for major holidays and that’s about it. It’s hard because I love my family very much.

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Make them come to your house to see baby where you’re more comfortable. The ones who really care for the baby will come the ones who just want the drama will end up staying home.

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Talk to the in-laws and tell them how that’s not okay EVER. If they don’t agree with you then I wouldn’t allow them around.

When my oldest was born we sat there and went well ok genetic throwback, he came out nugget brown, well hell ok cool he’s here he’s alive all is ok , within days his skin was like that of porcelain to this day he still can’t get a tan, my middle son he was orange he cleared stayed olive tone put him in the sun he will go brown , my youngest born ice white you could see the veins through his skin within days he had his tone change it became a honey tone , back to white this went on for a very long time , his time now well let’s just say he wouldn’t need makeup to play the vampire in anything- just don’t let him in the sun he will tan and go extremely brown very quick so much so the palms of his hand look pink , they are all different skin tone should never be a problem, the bf needs to know how it makes you feel how worried you are together you are having this child so together you should be voicing

The thing is this- This baby could be light skin then the next baby could have darker skin(same daddy) then what? Are they going to love one more than the other? I have 4 biracial grandchildren and love each of them some darker some lighter. Yep I would feel some kinda way. And she would have to prove that she was sorry and wanted to be a part of my child’s life. NOT JUST TO SEE WHAT COLOR THEY ARE🤦‍♀️

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Be upfront and let them know it’s not going to be tolerated. I wouldn’t cut them out just yet for that

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Give them a chance, i think ur baby is going to make them change the way they think about ‘skin tones’…

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I would suggest you open a line of communication with her. Tell her that her comment offended you a ton. Tell her honestly that her comment and attitude has had you on the fence about how much you want them involved. Be forward and open. Those things can’t be made to be ok. And if she knew that you were feeling that way and STILL willing to be open with her and give her opportunity to grow and change, then hopefully she will use it as a learning experience. I also agree that your little one cam change hearts. Not that it makes it ok or should be baby’s responsibility. But such is our world…

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Give them a chance! My grandmother was very racist. When my cousin got pregnant with a mixed baby, our grandmother wouldn’t even look at her. Said she wasn’t going to the baby shower and she wasn’t going to tell her friends either. When she had the baby, Memaw was the first one in that hospital to see him and they were absolutely best friends. She loved him like all of us and she said she couldn’t imagine not having him in her life.
Babies always change things. :heart:

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You can’t do that. You have to give them a chance to mess it all up. There are two parents to every baby. How would you feel if he said that you couldnt introduce your baby to your family? Plus babies change things, even racists.

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She is already nit that grandma poi t blank she will never change mabey act like it and second you turn your back she will call him a bigger baby cut that ass ofc save your child the heart ache

I have biracial daughter. I’m pakeha her fathet Maori. My parents love her so much. Do when your baby girl is born your family will come to love there Granddaughter too. Just give them a chance . Babies have a way of making grandparents melt

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They will change their minds when she’s here. I have a mixed boy and my grampas were salty but loved him once they saw him. Him then and now he’s 9.

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Give them a chance first. They might surprise you.

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I’d give them a chance and correct them if they say offensive things. Sometimes it sounds hurtful but isnt meant to be. I say this assuming this is the only offensive thing that has been said.

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Give them a chance. Many “low key” racists don’t mean harm. Plus, it’s different when it’s their grandbaby.

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Wait till shes born, and see how they are, bit sad that if shes got a different skin tone to them that they may have an issue or make remarks :smirk: give one warning, and if they blow it, cut them off, no child deserves to grow up putting up with that crap.

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This is why children shouldnt have children. Your daughter isn’t even here and they haven’t even met her, to do anything to her. And your pulling the “Im the mom card” its rude. Doesn’t matter if you don’t like the comment, your boyfriend helped make that child, and she’s 1/2 his. Grow up and let them see their family

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Screw that. I wouldn’t want them there either!! :expressionless::fu:

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I hope one of my kids gives me mixed grand babies :laughing::heart_eyes:

This beautiful mixed baby could be what FINALLY makes them open their eyes. I know someone who was always a little on the racist side but after being blessed with mixed grandchildren, they completely changed the way they looked at life.

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they mean well…but sometimes when they say something it comes out wrong…they.ll love this bubba regardless…

I wouldn’t push them away just yet

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My cousin is 14. Her mom is as pale as a ghost and the biological father was suuuuper dark. My grandfather didn’t feel comfortable with POC (sorry if that’s not PC), mostly because he wasn’t around very many.

He loves that little girl so much! But, you ultimately are the mother. Give grandma a chance. If she starts being a bitch well, at least you tried🤷‍♀️

In my opinion yes she shouldn’t have said that but haven’t we all have said something we shouldn’t have? I bet when baby is here things will change and she will love her grand baby no matter what her skin color is :heart:

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I wouldn’t cut them out but I would deffintely say something and make it clear how you feel.Make it clear there will be no comments made about baby or skin tone or that’s a deal breaker for you

How horrible keeping a child away from their family is! I’m sorry, but I believe u have read too much into what she said. No, she shouldn’t have said that! But punishing them ALL is 100% awful!!my oldest daughters family wanted me to get an abortion!! But as soon as she was born they realized how wrong they were. It took me a little while, a couple months, and I forgave them. My daughter is 27 now and we all have a wonderful relationship… Yes, ur baby grandma put her foot in her mouth! But give them a chance

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The amount of people telling you that you have to let them come around because they’re family is absolutely ridiculous.

You do not have to allow toxic people in your life or your child’s life. Blood or not.

It is your job to protect your child. Period. Do what you need to do.

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While her statement is absolutely ignorant, the statement alone isn’t enough - in my opinion - to completely keep baby away from the family. Have them come around her on your terms, where you’re comfortable. My son’s dad FIRST remark when he was born was “why is he so white?”(His dad is darkskinned, and baby boy has pale skin, red hair, and blue eyes. lol) That struck my nerve, because my son literally looks JUST like his dad, but it seemed as if he was hesitant to be around him BECAUSE of his skintone…I understand, but remember, you try to keep your child away, you could potentially be keeping your baby away from wonderfully loving it grandparents who just haven’t had a chance to redeem themselves.

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It is sad she feels this way but babies have a way of mending fences some grandmothers who never expected find so much love for that child and it would be a shame that she missed out on this keep your eyes open if you see that there is a problem where the baby is being put down for skin color or who she is then yes pull back but if there are kind and loving to that child the child’s going to need all the support they can get in this days and time

Hooooolllly! Girl!! I would establish right away that kind of talk is unacceptable. You can do so respectfully while still being a lady and good gf. Your bf should have stepped in right away and nipped that shit too! Absolutely not acceptable!

That being said I would NOT keep the baby away. That is their family also and would only wind up hurting your daughter in the long run. They’re gonna adore her no matter what color she turns out to be. (Personally I hope she reflects her mommas outter beauty just so his mom can shove it) Good luck momma

I’m not saying it’s your responsibility to change them or their minds. But meeting their granddaughter may stop them from being so ignorant. My husband and I own a bar. A customer of ours, Angie was about to have a granddaughter that is also 1/2 white 1/2 black and she said racist crap like that the whole time. She was ignorant and insensitive. She stoped saying all of it. She shows pics of her granddaughter to everyone and babysits her all the time. Give them ONE chance. If you want.

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I agree it was racist and unnecessary, but give them a chance! I’ve seen a biracial grandbaby change whole families! If you give her a chance and feel like it doesn’t change, then by all means protect your child and cut them out of your life. But I think you may be surprised!

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Look the family dead in the eye and tell them any color is beautiful. Then go on to explain you “want a loving supportive family to surround your baby.” Give then a few chances but overall protect your little one from negative people.

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Nope if they can say stuff about your baby and her not even be born yet I can only imagine what they well say when the baby is born

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You should still let them know that the racial comments are not acceptable and that you want them to be involved in your baby’s life however if this is the attitude they are going to have and continue to have then they can keep their racist asses at home away from your beautiful baby and you! Nobody deserves to have to listen to that crap and have to just wait and maybe see if it will go away. What is really going to piss you off is if your in the hospital on the birth day and your so overwhelmed with joy and someone on his family’s side destroys that with hate or a ugly comment. That is supposed to be happy times…