I grew up with lots of cousins, our parents around Thanksgiving would pull names. So if you have 3 kids you pull 3 names. If you have 2 kids you pull 2. NAmes. That way every kid gets a gift to open but noone goes I to debt to cover Christmas.
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First, you spent whatâŚroughly $20 on each child. You could have gone cheaper than that. Just something small so they knew you were thinking of them.
Really thatâs what giving gifts is really about.
The way youâve worded this youâd have still put yourself $600 in debt while buying your kids presents.
So no. You werenât forced choose the nieces and nephews over your own kids.
You werenât forced to go into debt.
You made very specific choices.
Then you blamed your husband for some of these choices and hung the guilt on him.
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I have 7 kids, 4 are married and 2 grands. So 13 total. We have always done sibling secret Santa. My adult kids ask every year Who their person is, they love it! Maybe try that.
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Youâre missing the point of ChristmasâŚ
How petty to think âIâm not buying for their kids if they donât buy for mineâ.
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There are 12 kids on my husbandâs side, 7 are in one family, 4 in another and 1 that no longer has contact. Usually I put together a theme basket, last year was a cookie making basket with a game for the kids to have. We are always tight on money since Iâm a sahm. And they understand and love the theme basket because they get to do it together as a family. The year before I did a movie night basket with a rental coupon from Redbox
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Ok tell him $400 and put that on the card payment. Honestly itâs not bc of them you still wouldâve been $600 short
Husbands side - we draw names for the kids every adult buys one kid a gift (there like 20 of them) and we do a white elephant gift for the adults. I have less on my side of the family but itâs still 8 kids I went to dollar tree, oriental trading , and Walmart I spent $40 and put a bunch of random things In there , fidgets, candy, yoyo, crafts etc thatâs always an option.
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Iâm just glad that my family doesnât worry about this around Christmas we all know we are hurting bad on money but I have raised my kids to know itâs not about what you get but what you give and you donât put a price on giving my kids will find toys in their rooms books or paint rocks they make their own gifts and cards they donât need money because they are always prepared to give and itâs always enough for my family even the family that went tothe store and bought my kids gifts. Each year is different sometimes we can do it sometime we canât but we are always present with love hugs and homemade gifts
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So regardless youâd have charged your card and gone into debt? Donât put the blame on your husband alone. You chose to spend 1000$ as wellâŚ.
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Theyâre kids, kids shouldnt have to know or feel the financial issues of the adults so yea get them gifts because their parents may not be able to get them much. The spirit of Christmas is giving not âwell what do I get in return?!â
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No u worry about your own kids and let him buy for his family
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Maybe suggest âdrawing namesâ next year for Christmas. You get a gift for whoeverâs name you draw out of the hat. Do it for the kids and the adults.
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We stopped doing a gift exchange with my in laws. I tried for years to get them to stop because I had the most kids by far and the least amount of money. They accused me of trying to ruin their Christmas, so we kept doing it for years. It was a huge strain on us financially.
One year after my husbandâs youngest brother got married and had a couple kids, he decided it was too much money for them and he cancelled the tradition.
Iâd tried for years.
I then got blamed by his sister for ruining their family tradition after her brother cancelled it. It wasnât even me. 
I think itâs ridiculous to spend so much on extended family. Especially when thereâs so much to do for your own children.
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My family chose to do homemade gifts this year for all the adults, the kids are all getting small toys. My family decided none of us want to go into debt this year for Christmas
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Sounds like you need to budget better. Spending $400 and then letting your kids pick pricey gifts? Thatâs your bad. Find someone else to blame.
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Damn. I was tight on money for a while during Christmas I really hope my family didnât have this mentality towards my kids.
Next time, get a family gift for each set like a game
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Go to the Dollar Store.
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We do a gift exchange with all the kids and set a price limit. It makes it so much easier for everyone.
Stop buying things or go to the dollar store! Or just get a card and have everyone signâŚthats crazy to have to buy for that many!
Should have gotten everyone a gift card and called it a day, thatâs what I didđ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
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Could all of the nieces & nephews on his side not draw names since thereâs so many? Then u only have to buy 2 instead of 20. Set the amount small (maybe $10).
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Uh donât go into debt for Christmas for anyone
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You arenât obligated to buy anyone anything. Things can be hand made. The reason for the season is giving, not receiving. The inn keeper couldnât give Mary and Joseph a room because it was full, but he gave what he could⌠a stable. While it wasnât the most luxurious, it was a safe place for the baby Jesus to be born. Give what you can, donât expect anything in return.
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We all know Christmas comes once a year. So starting in Jan every month put $20 or what you can afford aside. Then in November you will have a nice saving for all the kids. I put $50 every month and what I have extra Iâll save for the following year. I buy for 10 kids in my family.
I definitely wouldnât go into debt for other peopleâs kid. I get family is family, but your husband and the rest of the fam should understand that times get tough
It sounds like you would have been fine with the situation if they were able to get gifts for your kids as well? That, I donât agree with. You give gifts to do just that⌠give, not in assurance of receiving.
Also, you husband is not to blame for what you spent. You could have got each child a small $5 gift ( Five Bellow and stores like that have some cute stuff) and only spent $100 for 20 kids 
. Your husband specifically said small gifts. He also never told you to put a 1,000 charge on your credit card for 2 children.
Live within your means. Just because your kids ask for it doesnt mean they get it⌠thats a good thing to teach your kids while they are young.
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It can be hard enough to buy everything for the grandparents and our kids. I have to start buying in August or September just to cover the cost for us cause my husband and I both get laid off in winter
Everyone has it hard today with Covid, inflation, etc. Suggest the growing extended family agree to draw names in the future (with a suggested price). I remember attending Christmas lunches where we brought gifts not exceeding $10. People came up with out the greatest gifts!
This is why I donât like Christmas anymore to much focus on money and gifts. You did the right thing and I donât blame you for being upset. I would let him pay me back the 400 dollars.
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Christmas is a really messed up holiday. Iâve never celebrated it and donât understand the nonsense.
Why donât all the siblings do a name exchange so everyone is only buying one gift. Possibly require all the gifts be something homemade
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Of hes adament on it then just buy selection boxs and be done with jt
Since there are so many kids in his family. You should start a new tradition. A secret Santa . Put everyoneâs name in a jar and pull a name out and this way, you only buy 1 gift . Itâs the perfect idea for big families and no one has to stress . Set a limit on pricing . Maybe 50 bucks . Hope this helps for next year . Donât return anything for this year .
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Try putting all the names of all the family kids included, into a hat, and everybody gets to pick one name and they get that one person a gift, with price limitations. that way everybody gets a gift and nobody goes broke in the process.
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5 below is the sh*t for reasons like this. I also have 6 nieceâs & nephews to buy for.
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So, we do not buy for all the kids on my husbands side, but I will certainly stick cash in some of their pockets.
You spent 400 in cash for them and 1000 on credit for you kids! 600 would have ended up on the CC anyways. Plus only 1400 on Christmas?!?! Go little rockstar
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I think at the end of the day it shouldnât matter if you could afford it or not how is that fair that your children donât get gifts but they do whether itâs a financial strain or not it makes it fair if you just donât buy for either then your kids donât get their feelings hurt by not getting anything front their aunt and uncle
First of all regardless of if someone buys my child a gift or not I donât give to receive period! You shouldnât be giving to get in return for starters! And If you canât afford it you should just be upfront with them. Or Iâd have just done goody bags for the kids. I spent less than $100 and was able too get all the kids in my family little goody bags with candy, bubbles,crayons etc and I bought each item in bulk so I could make up enough goody bags for all the kids. Because itâs not about the amount you spend but the gesture. Your not wrong for not wanting to go into debt for it I agree you shouldnât. But you are for expecting that your children receive gifts in return because thatâs not what itâs about. I give gifts because I want to not because I am expecting anything in return. And I also donât go into massive debt to buy my childâs Christmas presents. I buy what I can afford and letâs be real we all charge on our credit cards during the holidays unless we have the extra cash. I couldnât afford to shower my son with gifts this Christmas but I bought him what I could afford!! And I think itâs crazy that parents make it all about the gifts. I want my son to grow up remembering the times we had and the love I gave not the gifts, because they are not going to remember the gifts most likely. I honestly donât remember any gifts I got from age 17 and under. I feel like you are being a little bit petty in the aspect of giving to receive and you shouldnât be expecting gifts in return if so thatâs not the true meaning of giving and the holidays. Buy what you can afford and make memories!
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Iâve never given a gift with the expectation of getting one in return. That doesnât make sense to me for.
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Iâm on of 8 siblings & we all have kids. We donât buy for each otherâs kids anymore. We literally only buy for our own. On Xmas eve when we all celebrate together, our mom & dad (their grandparents) buy a gift for each grandchild & that one gift is what each child gets that night. They are still happy, and all just enjoy dinner together. We are all stressed this time of year just making sure our kids get what they need, thereâs no reason to stress each other out & your family should understand that. If you really want to still buy gifts, do a grab bag & have each child buy for one of their cousins.
So sad that itâs all about âgiftsâ
Suggest a gift exchange with drawings names at Thanksgiving every year from now on to shorten expenses for everyone. Adults exchange and kids.
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We do a chris Kringle gift exchange when it comes to my fiancĂŠâs side of the family as he also has a big family and I do as well but we arenât on speaking terms with my side of the family. Donât go into debt trying to look good for his side of the family.
Draw names. It is what we do. Too many kids. We have one. SIL has 3, BIL has 5. Too much. So draw names.
I think he just wants to get for kids- theyâre kids he wants them to be happy and to watch them open gifts. Take two of your gifts to their house so your kids can open there too. Their just children, you did a good deed so wmbrace it instead of getting shitty about it
Move forward and make plans for something more reasonable next yr so no one feels pressured. Draw names at thanksgiving for a gift exchange. While I can see the frustration theyâre just kids that you bought for not adults and Iâm sure the stuff you got them will make them feel good. Itâs not worth the fight.
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Christmas should never be about going into debt, it should not add stress ⌠it should be about spending time together, creating memories and giving within your means.
Blaming your husband, or stating itâs your money seems unfair. It should have been a joint decision, a budget made abs you stick within the budget. Be creative.
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We did gift exchanges for all adults and each person buys there own kids presents
Oof, just do a gift exchange for the kids next year. No one has the money to buy gifts for 20 kids.
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You shouldnt get them gifts because you have NO money for it. Not because they arent giving yall gifts. If i have the money, I get little gifts for everyone in my family and never expect anything in return for me or my kids 
and often times dont get anything back and guess what? I dont care. I still get them gifts the following year again if i can. I understand your husband wanting to get them stuff because i am the same way though. So if you guys can afford to get little gifts for them (does not need to be fancy) cool. If not because of money, then be honest with them. Maybe even something handmade? But your post seems very âthey arent getting us gifts , so we shouldnt.â Which is not right. Take care!
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Wow. I have 2 adult kids, 1 son in law, 4 grandkids & 3 sets of parents, 2 grandparents that I buy for & have not ever spent $1000 a year on Christmas đ¤ˇ
& I sure do not expect a gift in returnâŚ
All my gift came from great sales or Facebook marketplace and my tree is FULL.
Its not about how much you spendâŚ
Peope have completely lost the true meaning of Christmas and i absolutely hate that people expect gifts. We went to $5 below one year and racked up. It isnât about going into debt and if your tight on money just say your tight on money and never put yourself in debt! My granny said they drew names out of a hat and that was that!
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Stop and set limits for yours also
My sisterâs and his family donât expect them. Iâd of maybe boughtem a toy car like a dollar some playboy and made it from your kids. Or home made ornaments? Idk bug I sure in heck would 9f done my kids first⌠if your local maybe I can share some of my kid s with yours?
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In my exes family for the holidays each couple would draw a kids name and weâd get a gift for that kid. Bc thatâs too many kids if youâre buying for everyoneâs.
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Why donât you start letting all the kids drawn names. They would probably love it and then put a price limit on how much can be spent. I donât know how old your kids are but I bet they would like it.
Shidddd F those kids 
those arenât your nieces and nephews by blood. All theyâll get is MERRY CHRISTMAS YâALL
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Iâm not having a Christmas as wellâŚjust love that boy
May be if you must get a gift to each of them,a 5 dollars gift card like to a DQ or a yogurt shop for some ice cream instead of expensive toys,would still be great.
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In the first sentence you said we bought and in the last you said that itâs your money. If itâs your money then you can spend it however you want.
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Christmas is to give and not expect anything in return 
maybe you should have said something before spending. You went and bought waited until you where irritated to say something. Sounds like you need to communicate and not expect anything in return while youâre at it.
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I feel like the true meaning of Christmas is completely lost here. Sad
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Sounds very immature!!!
We have three kids and put $1000.00 aside when we get our income tax to pay for Christmas that way we are not worried about where Christmas is going to come from. The kids know from the get go that they have a budget and how much it is and if they choose something expensive that is going to take up all of their money then oh well they only get one present. As far as the family member kids⌠kids love candy you couldâve easily spent $50-100 on candy and made up little stocking or treat bags to give them instead of presents. And who cares who is the bread winner in the family, you are in a marriage which to me means itâs communal money it goes to the household. Maybe I was just raised differently or have been lucky enough to not have to deal with a partner that tryâs to control money. You do seem proud of the fact that you make more money which is a weird flex but ok. When you are in a marriage as long as all of the bills are paid and everyone is happy and has what the need it shouldnât matter who the âbreadwinnerâ is.
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I think itâs kinda crappy to not want to buy for kids because their parents canât buy for your kids. You either buy for the kids because you can afford it ir not buy for then because you canât afford it but not wanting to buy for kids because youâre kids will get nothing in return is not Christmas. People are to concerned with material things.
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Umm itâs Christmas. Quit being selfish. Itâs the time to help those in need. Maybe not spend so much on your own kids?
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Uh, you shouldnât have gone into debt over your own đ¤Ś
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What happened to the old days . . . Iâm 35 . . . But the old days when you make homemade gifts . . . Christmas cards . . . Pictures / drawings . . . Fun homemade games or games with there own twist
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Itâs too late now but I wouldâve come up with an agreement. Only buy for your own families this year and just let the kids open all the presents together. Maybe spend a little on making memories like building gingerbread houses and making Christmas cookies.
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Why was it necessary to buy your kids such expensive gifts? Having to put 1000 on a credit card is not a smart move at all. Should have stayed within 5 dollars for the nieces and nephews and a little more with your kids âŚbuy definitely not in the thousands just because they picked pricy toys
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I have a huge family!! I buy for the small kids, NEVER expecting that someone else "buys back"
Itâs like well they canât buy for mine, so I am not going to buy for theirs?!? Ridiculous and selfish!! If they truly canât afford to buy for yours, and it was about your KIDS feeling bad, (not pettiness on adults) then go buy a $1 thing for your kids, from them maybe!! If you have to go into debt to buy for your own, then maybe you should cut down a little everywhere! Itâs so ridiculous that Christmas has become "Well, what should I get them, based on what they will get me"
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Every year i spend my last penny to gift my family a little something. It is out of pure love, and not because those family members will gift my kids back. If they cant, thats fine, if they just dont want to? Thats fine too. Their actions dont define mine. I do see a problem with your husband dipping into your finances for it. He had a whole year to save up here n there or buy stuff throughout the year. Seems like u guys dont have the best communication between eachother.
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Yeah he poser! You shouldâve have got what you could afford and let him handle the rest!!! Oh thatâs right he canât And you telling me he donât work or you make more?
Based on math you still would if good in debt so try to just have a little Christmas spirit and realize you are going to nake kids happy. They might not even get much from their parents if things are that tight for them.
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Donât spend all your money 
just because itâs a holiday 
in this case money you donât have , STAY HOME and do your own thing with your immediate family
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You didnât have to buy $400 of anything for your nieces and nephews. You couldâve gone to the dollar store and picked up some candy and other little items. And just bc the kids ask for expensive items doesnât mean you buy them. If you just donât want to buy for a large extended family then suggest drawing names. If you donât want to buy at all then donât.
I think itâs a good idea for you guys to sit down and set up holiday/bday finances going forward.
Also his family is your familyâŚ.
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my parents taught me to only buy what I have the money to pay for and only use a CC for credit purposes. You are absolutely correct in getting mad you donât need to buy anything for anyone elseâs kids but your own return the gifts and start being more fruitful saving money is smart
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If bah, Humbug was a post⌠This would be it.
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We get gifts for my nieces and nephews every year. We rarely have the favor returned by siblings. I donât buy them gifts so that my kids will get gifts. I buy them gifts because I love them and love seeing their smiles. If youâre giving with the expectation of receiving than youâre going it wrong.
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This is why the universe created $1 stores. If you are on a budget even with your own children why go into debt over some presents?
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Secret santa for the kids would have been a good option. Every family member gets one or two kids and then all the kids end up with a gift and no one goes broke trying to buy for everyone. Weâve done that before since we have 4 kids but my in laws each only have one kiddo
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- My husband or myself have never paid money back to each other because our money is our money. There have been times heâs the breadwinner and times I have been. OUR money pays our bills and covers our expenses and our kids and any Christmas.
- Youâre married with children. His family IS your family.
- Christmas is about giving from the heart not giving to get. Donât be a grind.
- I have so much to say I canât possibly get it all out⌠petty ass people I swear.
This is whatâs wrong with the world. Christmas is for the kids. It also doesnât have to be about material thjngs. Sounds like you need to get off your throne and mingle with the commoners more.
Christmas is not supposed to be about presents alone and noone should go into debt for it. My family is large and we have the kids each draw names and get gifts for those names and the adults do one 15 to 20 dollar white elephant gift. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time to enjoy family. I wish it wasnât so stressful for everyone. We also donate alot of our old toys before we get new ones so my kids can understand other kids donât have what they have and we can make room for the new toys. I think you and your husband need to communicate beforehand with his family and come up with an idea to draw names or just do a 10 dollar gift or something per kid and stick to it. Happy holidays! I hope you can enjoy it like you should
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We do a raffle and white elephant
Iâm sorry but thatâs ur husband so those are ur nieces and nephews as well. If my husband refers to our nephews as âher nephewsâ Iâd be pissed off. U decided to spend 400 dollars on the gifts when u couldâve just gotten cheaper gifts and now ur complaining about the price spent. let ur husband pay u the money back if it is that important to u. Honestly I buy gifts for everyone my side and my hubbyâs side and sometimes my son dont get gifts in return but thatâs ok because I love seeing how happy the children get with the gifts. Stop being so cold hearted to your nieces and nephews just enjoy Christmas we all get money issues around this time just relax and appreciate ur family and enjoy the smiles that come from the gifts u bought. Sorry if it comes off rude I dont mean for it to be just being honest.
Sharables are a wonderful gift . Baskets for the family . Ps4 for the kids . Gift cards even
Or tell them u just cant afford it ⌠people think gift giving is an obligation and its not. Some can afford some cant .
Get your kids to make some home made cards or even do key chains .Christmas is about giving but itâs also about building memories and life lasting moments regardless of gifts u being where ever should be a gift enough in my opinion
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When we were kids we out everyoneâs name in a hate at Thanksgiving and each drew out one name. Thatâs the person we had to get a gift for
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The problem here is that nobody should go in debt for Christmas. Period. Christmas is about a lot more than presents.
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Whatâs already done is done but I suggest maybe bringing up to the family next year about a kids gift exchange. We do a kids ornament exchange and we draw names and each kid picks out an ornament for whichever kid they got. They do the exchange during our family dinner. You could also put a budget on it saying for each person not to spend anymore then x amount on each person.
NEVER go in to debt for Christmas ⌠I promise.
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Family that large I would prolly suggest drawing names or Dirty Santa
Nobody said spend a fortune!! And who cares if they got gifts for yours! Dont be selfish and petty! At the end of the day the gifts dont matter its who is around the tree!! Dont get the PS5 so sorryâŚwork for it do chores save your dollarsâŚthe year is hard for everyoneâŚdo as you can not what you expect! And with that Merry Christmas!!
I wasnât able to afford presents for most people last year and this year. Your kids and family come first before extended family I feel like when it come to Christmas presents. And if thereâs nothing left over then the other adults should understand that money obviously can be an issue and if you are tight and canât get presents they should inderstand
I think itâs sweet he is considering that he nieces and nephew may not get as much as is due to there parents struggling and is wanting to give them something elseâŚmaybe this can be an example since the other siblings donât budget to heyâŚif you do this in the future you can be able to have enoughâŚnot boastingâŚuse it to teach the parents in the futureâŚnicelyâŚwe are struggling this year with 4 kids and my bf being out of work for 3 months and part time for another 2 since his wreck and being hospitalized and having to wait for his fractured spine to healâŚand itâs effected us in the fact the bills donât stop due to him not working ha⌠but maybe make it funâŚwhere every kid still gets a gift and do a secret Santa between all the kidsâŚand it canât be more then 5 or 10 dollars make it fun between the kidsâŚkids honestly are easyâŚyea he over did it by alot but I think his heart was in the right placeâŚyou guys can afford to do your kids and his siblings canât afford to do Christmas for their kids âŚitâs sad but it happensâŚand you donât HAVE to get the kids what they ask for mine have all asked for hoverboards but they would break those things within a weekâŚits pointless right nowâŚI see your side but I see his in gifting children( family) less able to do a decent Christmas but the gifts for helping doesnât and shouldnât be so expensive
Yea you need to listen to Dave Ramsey
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I have never spent over a thousand dollars on Christmas 
and I buy for about 30 people And I buy for all of them IF I have the money just because I think no one should be left out on Christmas but this year we barely had the money but I still only bought everyone 1 thing. I would never go into debt trying to buy gifts for some but if my brother came to me and said he couldnât do Christmas because he didnât have the money my husband and I would definitely help out just like if my husbands sister came to us. I think buying for kids is way different but I would have went to 5 below or some discounted store
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Not to sound rude or anything but I donât think anyone should go into debt for anyoneâs present if you canât afford it get something different that you can afford
We do cousin gifts⌠we have a large family so each cousin draws another cousins name and they buy for that cousin. They open in order of age and they love it⌠so if you have 2 kids you buy 2 gifts.helps us
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