Am I wrong for wanting him to stand up for me and our little girl?

Back story we raised one of dh’a two children. We shared equal split custody. The other child was just about 18 when we started dating just graduated so she didn’t live with us.

The younger child just turned 18. She threw a wrench at us when she suddenly chose not to be with us. She cited different reasons. There wasn’t just one. One of the big reasons was blaming dh’s and my child we share together. She is only 5. Bottom line is, she is the youngest of the children between dh and her mom. She is very spoiled by mom. We have had many issues with attitude growing up. Doesn’t like to be told no. We have had many fights with mom over the years.
When she suddenly decided she didn’t want to be with us we had many emotional issues with our little girl. We still do on occasion. She misses her older sibling. We are also now dealing with abandonment issues. We can’t walk outside without her flipping out thinking we are leaving her.
Flash forward, it’s been well over a year and neither of his children have seen her. She doesn’t even know who her oldest sibling is anymore.
Dh has spent the year meeting them and texting them trying to repair their relationship.
Yet they don’t bother to ask anything about their younger sibling. They don’t bother to try to want to see her.
The now 18 year old learned at 16 the art of manipulation. She walked out on us didn’t bother to talk about it. Blames me and the little one, ignored dh, but got angry and tried to guilt dh for her not being a part of holidays and family celebrations. He has been firm teaching her actions of consequences and that you don’t treat someone like dirt and still expect to be treated fairly.
It’s come to my attention she has been bad mouthing me calling me a bitch to certain people. Referencing me as his wife.
I’m over it.
The older one who is significantly older has never been mature enough to understand kids especially teens will fuss, moan, bitch, whine and cry when they don’t get their way. Instead of being the adult and telling younger sister it’s our house our rules and seeing the behaviors as typical kid/teen behaviors, she instead feeds into it. So basically when I would call her out on , lie and she would go back to her moms and her sister and complain about me, I am the bad person.
When DH and I would tell her she cannot just takeoff and go wherever she wants without asking us first( when she first got her license), I was deemed as a bitch by the oldest because little sister didn’t like having to ask us first.
DH has never talked to his oldest to tell her she needs to learn that kids manipulate kids will have fits when they don’t get their way and she needs to be old enough mature enough and smart enough not to feed into it but instead to reinforce the fact that she can’t always have things her way and when she’s at our house she has to abide by our rules and respect us.
So, because I’m to blame by youngest, I’m to blame by oldest.
Let me say that when oldest got married I gave her a family heirloom to borrow for her wedding. It never got worn and I barely got a thank you. So it was a huge slap in the face when I was introduced to one of her friends at a gathering as “his wife” not my step mom.
As far as youngest goes, I have always gone above and beyond for her. I admit I would spoil her on her birthday and Christmas.
I loved each as my own.
It’s been now well over a year since everything happened. I am now tired of him trying to see them on their terms, meaning meeting somewhere for lunches, dinners, and just he and them. I am to the point where I have had enough. Especially when it comes to being called a bitch openly by my step child.
I want DH to start standing up to them and stop trying to kiss their butts. They are both adults. I am his wife and I feel that it is time that he has a come to Jesus with his children and tell him this is enough this is gone on long enough all the disrespect towards me and our little child is going to stop.
I’m at the point where I wish he would start to stand up for me as his wife especially when he knows they are calling me these names.
This is not a matter of choosing children over spouse. It never would be. This is a matter of standing up for his spouse and letting the oldest know her little sister now has no idea who she even is. And for telling the younger one her antics have caused a very little girl to have emotional issues and also developed abandonment issues.
The bottom line with the youngest is that she’s very very spoiled by mom and by mom‘s family and we don’t do that. With us she is not the center of attention she is not daddy‘s little girl anymore there is a new little girl in the picture and she’s jealous. She’s always been jealous of me to begin with. I always tolerated it and I understood it. But now it’s time to upset the applecart and put the foot down tell them both to grow up get over themselves and let them know disrespecting me won’t be tolerated. They need to be reminded of every little thing I have ever done for them. Especially giving a family heirloom to a child that isn’t even mine that didn’t get appreciated.

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Bottom line is stay out of it. Support your husband to per-sue a relationship on whatever terms he is comfortable with. Let it be known they are always welcome and ignore the rest. Be an adult… so they call you a bitch to other people… they just look spoiled and petty to others. Don’t make that title true. Don’t say anything negative about them to anyone including your husband… he loved them no matter what. Basically don’t allow disrespect to your face but be mature in it all. One day they will grow up have kids and feel bad the way they treated you. But you need to be the bigger person.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong for wanting him to stand up for me and our little girl?

My stepdaughter is like yours. My youngest is hubby’s in every way, except DNA. When the oldest dropped off and continued to feed into her mother’s lies and bs about me, her father told her that she was no longer welcome in our lives. Not his, mine and the other kids. His reasoning is that we didn’t sign up for abuse and he wouldn’t be subjecting us to it.
I say cut her off. The only one in your household with an obligation to the brat is her father. Protect your baby and keep her away.

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Ummm sounds like maybe you need to get over yourself too :rofl: maybe they learned from you. They obv do not want a relationship with you so leave it be, they are grown. But it is NOT your place to try to stop your husband from having a relationship with them rather that be them doing lunch or whatever. Re read what you wrote maybe

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Yikes this poor guy is thrown in the middle of 3 immature girls who all need to grow up

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Quit worrying about two girls who don’t live under your roof anymore and are going to act like spoiled brats. Focus on your family at home and get you and your youngest a therapist

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You can’t force these adults to care. Move on, live your life, put your daughter in counseling.

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If they’re calling you a B, you most likely are one. If you were just the sweetest person then they would call you something else to attack you. Your husband has a right to see his daughters without you and maybe correct them by saying please don’t call her that in front of me but that’s it. You can’t force a relationship with your child if they don’t want it so move on and maybe one day they’ll want to, maybe not.

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Sounds like you are the problem. Sounds like the father doesn’t deserve his kids if this is how you act. I hope those girls are off and happy with someone who isn’t as toxic as you. I hope their father comes to his senses.

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You should’ve known it would be complicated joining a family. They knew him first. They’re hurt. I can’t imagine what they’re going through. Just back off, mind your attitude toward them (since you’re the grown up). Give them space, they’ll come around if they want.

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You’re so bothered by his children :roll_eyes: worry about your damn self and hiw childish and petty you are acting. Yeah, sure you are his wife but those are his kids and will always be his kids! There’s more than enough love to go around. Here’s you complaining over irrelevant crap, woman up!

They’re grown, let it go. Also, you can’t expect the oldest not to take her little sisters side and be there for her little sister. You can’t force them to have a relationship with you and you shouldn’t try to stop your husband from trying to repair his relationship with his children.

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My brain hurts from reading all that I’ma have a shower I’ll be back to comment… Damn…

In a few short years, YOUR youngest won’t remember any of this. She might remember things you say or your attitude towards her sisters, but she won’t remember them. You need to focus on your daughter and let this go. Or you’re going to be the one who loses this battle.

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They are both adults now :woman_shrugging:
You don’t need to see them or speak to them for them to be disrespectful if you feel they are and it makes you uncomfortable. As it stands their father will just see them on his own as it already seems like that’s been the standard. He can’t make them want to see or care about you or their half sibling and trying to force adults to have a relationship with you . It will only push them further away and create a mess with your husband. Because he can’t choose you over his other children anymore than you want him to choose his adult kids over your young child. The time has passed to put your foot down. As a step parent of adult children it’s time to take a step back. And then maybe as they age and mature it will improve. It can only get better from here.

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They don’t like you and don’t want a relationship theres nothing you can do about that. As far as them bad mouthing you u can ask hubby to say something but thats about it. They no longer live with you. Their dad isn’t going to force a relationship if his kids don’t want one. And he shouldn’t have to cut ties unless he feels the need which he obviously doesn’t at this point in time. Hes caught in the middle catching hell on both sides of this drama. I understand wanting to be respected and wanting hubby to have your back but its a sticky situation. Distance yourself as much as u can let him do his thing with lunches etc. Focus on the youngest and try correcting her behavior. Kids move out at 18 all the time whether on good or bad terms. She will get past it.

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Wow sounds like it all about you and you don’t like that your husband is choosing to see his older kids and meets them to go have dinner or lunch or whatever without you around. Also it’s not up to you if your husbands older kids aren’t around to see the child you have together with your husband and for you to blame them for your youngest having abandonment issues is just crazy honestly. Also to say the middle daughter don’t like she’s “ not daddy’s little girl anymore” because you had a child with her dad sounds like you have some serious issues and you think your child is more important then his older kids is crazy they are still his kids so grow up. It sounds like you are jealous of the older daughters yet you say there are jealous of you which I call bull****. You have some issues it seems like and you need to see someone for it because you really do think that just because his other 2 kids are older they don’t matter only the younger child should matter which it obviously don’t to your husband and that’s why he goes and has lunch or dinner with them without you around because they obviously don’t like you and I see why.

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Look, These kids are spoiled brats. you are an adult. you handle it. Your house, your rules. If i hey don’t like it, then don’t come. This has gone on to long. It is not going to get handled, unless you handle it. What do you care if they don’t like it? They don’t like you anyway. What have you got to lose! Absolutely nothing!!!

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Just because you’re the stepmom doesn’t mean they’re forced to like you. You act like they have to just cause’ you’re married to their dad. If they don’t like you that’s their right especially for the older ones who don’t live with you anymore. The fact you sound almost proud that she’s jealous of you might be why she don’t like you🤷‍♀️ and throwing things you’ve done for them in their face will make them hate you even more because they never asked for it

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Okay, but wtf is DH?

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You lucky dog your rid of them tell dad if he sees them without you there it’s fine as long as he Changes the subject if they say bad things about you and he’s loyal to you in that way I have a step son who hasn’t talked to my husband for 20 yrs now how can we change his mind we can’t it’s so sad but sometimes there is nothing you can do so I think you and your daughter should go your merry way and enjoy your life

Sounds like you need to let it go. You are trying to force a relationship between an adult and a child. It’s not going to happen. You can’t be serious about ‘putting your foot down’ with your husbands oldest children unless your plan is to make them cut him off. Why do you care if he goes to meet his kids? They don’t like you anyway. Let it go.

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Get tf over it. The kids are grown and get to make their own decisions. No matter what you think about their decisions. And just because they don’t like you, does not mean you should be against their own father trying to have a relationship with them.

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You may be his wife but they will always be his kids. You shouldn’t interfere with his relationship with them. They obviously don’t want anything to do with you. Let it go. Focus on raising your kid and move on.

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Sounds like you think you should be the spoiled brat. My guess is you are alot younger than he is and are probably closer to the oldest child’s age. That would explain why you are jealous of his children and had a child and thought all the focus would then be on you and that child… but I could be wrong.:woman_shrugging:

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I feel like. All of yall are being just childish

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Bro… don’t be surprised when you get left. You’re 100% the problem. You joined THEIR family wtf? I’d hate you too. I’m 1000% on the adult children’s sides. Just leave already.

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Maybe I have an unpopular opinion, but it sounds like you may be part of the problem. They don’t like you and they don’t have to. Also, it sounds like the youngest child gets all of the attention and you expect them to just deal with it. Just because they’re older, it doesn’t mean they don’t need a relationship with their father and you shouldn’t do anything to try to stop it. If they want to meet their father out for lunch or whatever then they can because he’s their father. There’s no obligation for you to be there and if they don’t like you then he’s just showing them respect by not bringing you.

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Got to admit lost interest and quit reading…….

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You sound just as chíldish

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His children are not responsible for your daughters issues. I hope you aren’t talking about all the drama in front of your child. She shouldn’t know any of this mess.

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I was writing this really long response so you could do some self reflection, but I highly doubt you would if it’s always the kids being demonized and always their fault. Two sides of the story and your story doesn’t paint you as a great step mom, honestly sounds like you are the problem. Who cares if his kids hate you or think you’re a b!tch, you probably are from the sounds of this post. Let them have their meetups and stop questioning husband about what they say about you or he needs to stop telling you what they said.

So, I apologize but I couldn’t get through your whole thing… As a step mom of three kids that I’ve known since the oldest(now 15-year-old )was 10 months old, let me tell you, you will always be the b****, it will always be your fault!!! Until they get older and grow up and realize what they did, it will always stay that way… STOP trying!! Worry about you and your kid, if you choose to show them love like Mom then be so… But my kids from previous marriage don’t call my husband Dad and they were 16 and 14 when we got together… Especially with the one that was 18 when you guys got together, don’t ever make expect her to call you Mom because she was too old for that and the younger one may feel the same way… I’m sorry but that’s part of being a blender family, they were older so just see them as his kids part of your family they’re going to give you hell until they grow up

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It’s time that you should be the adult here. I want to say wawawa Grow up

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Get over it! They are his CHILDREN! Sorry but they will always choose their CHILDREN over anyone! ANY real parent is not going to allow a step parent or anyone come between them and their children let it go! Be an adult about it their adults! Maybe figure out WHY they hate you so much, as for not wanting to see their little sister that’s wrong of them maybe dad should take her with him when he visits them so they can see her otherwise let it go stop holding grudges against the children that are now grown

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All the energy you are putting into worrying about the older girls disrespecting you should be used to focus on your youngest child and helping her get through her abandonment issues. What the older girls think of you should not matter. Sure it hurts that they are disrespectful ,but life goes on. I think you need to grow up and realize that the world does not revolve around you and focus on raising your youngest daughter. If you continue to make a fuss about the older girls you might just be the one that loses.

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If all of his children are like this then it would be cause of your behaviour. One kid might act like this but not all. Move on they don’t have to answer to you anymore they are adults. Your husband probably agrees with them

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Sounds like you only care about how you and your child feel and aren’t considering anyone else at all.

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I think the thing that gets me the most is that you stated in one sentence “I love each as my own” but continue to call them your “step children” through the rest of the post. There is no step. If you can’t treat them the same as your biological child then you need to go.:woman_shrugging:t4:

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So, basically you’re a toxic narcissist and you’re destroying a man’s relationship with his children, who rightfully hate you? Yeah…you’re transparent. You’re the manipulative brat in this situation and it’s going to come back to bite you in the ass (like when you’re all alone and hated by every person that knows you). I wouldn’t want my wedding cursed by any heirloom you allowed me to “borrow” (aka, forced on) either. You say the 5 year old that your creepy, grown, psychotic ass is competing with is no longer daddy’s girl because there’s a new little girl (you) but I doubt you’ll be anybody’s little girl for long because I promise your husband hates you, too. Get therapy

I am the oldest of 6 kids all girls except one and I will be “daddy’s girl” always. That child that your husband has that you claim is no longer daddy’s girl because he has a new younger child will still and always be daddy’s girl. NOTHING will ever break that bond once it’s there… I promise. :hugs:

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It sounds like you are so busy laying blame on the kids that you refuse that you may have had a hand in this as well. And you saying that the other girl isn’t “daddy’s little girl” any longer, your daughter is, shows me right there that you expect your daughter to be favored over everyone else which is so toxic. And your husband has every right to continue to have a relationship with his kids, you don’t get to dictate that. Whether you choose to believe it or not, you are the cause of some of these problems. I would suggest therapy to figure out the underlying issues you may have within yourself, and I say that with love, your child needs a happy, healthy mother.

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Yikesssss. You sound like so much drama :grimacing: as the “mother figure”, maybe you should lead by example and grow up first. Hopefully you’re not out there talking this negatively about your DH’s kids but I assume you are if you happened to hear someone called you gasp a name… :roll_eyes: it doesn’t matter how old they are. Those are his children and you’re not helping your case by acting like this and taking no accountability. Not classy

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Whoa 1 …. “She’s not daddy’s little girl anymore there’s a new little girl” yea that’s something a witch says :woman_shrugging:t3: 2 those are his children and not yours mind your business!!! 3 they can feel however they want about you, you don’t get to decide how someone else feels about you - no they don’t need to be reminded of EVERY LITTLE THING YOU DID FOR THEM they were children they owe you NOTHING AT ALL. 4 it’s not disrespectful for them to call you his wife, you are :woman_shrugging:t3: you get a big fat ewww from me and I think you should take your own advice :wink:

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So why is your husband not taking your youngest when he goes to lunch and things with them so she can see her siblings? You need to read your letter back to yourself because you sound extremely selfish and dramatic. These are young women, not children and can decide who they do and do not want to speak to. The line that really told it all about you as a person though is when you said his daughter was mad about not being Daddys little girl anymore because there was a new girl now (your daughter).

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A rather complicated issue. 1stly it’s not ur fault. If Dh can’t control his children den he’s the problem. As 4his children giving u the attitude u should stand ur ground. Ask dem y did the parents divorce, if Der father made his home wid some one n is happy y destroy a family. Also tell Dh 2 decide if he is going 2carry on entertaining dis behavior he must pack up n go. U need peace n happiness. Ur child needs 2grow up in harmony

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You sound selfish on your part. Butttt the children shouldn’t be putting their own sister through this just cause they don’t like you. They should still be seeing her even if you aren’t around because regardless of your feelings they are family & the little girl shouldn’t grow up feeling the way she does because of them not being around. It leaves scars. The dad should be standing up for his own child as well.

You are one thing.
The Child is another.

You should allow you child to go to the lunches dinners meetings whatever. It doesn’t matter if you dont go. That’s immature. But they also shouldn’t speak bad about you in front of the child if she goes either.

It sounds like you don’t even like the daughters anyways. I’m just putting that out there. So do you really care? Or are you just trying to justify to your husband that you’re not an asshole because you don’t want him to see you that way. This post could have been about getting good advice on repairing relationships with step children because you love them and need some help seeing their perspective. Instead it’s about how to prove if you’re right against your husband because you’re fighting about it. That says a lot about you.

What ages were they when you married your husband? How long did they spend with you vs. before they met you? Did they like having a little sister? It’s hard to co-parent with just a spouse, let alone another mom and possibly others. It’s hard to parent teens, because you have to balance freedom, responsibility and safety, and every child is different

Maybe leave the older girls alone for now (don’t interact) & reach out again in a few years when everyone is older and wiser. If they don’t want a relationship with your 5-year-old, then that’s their choice and you have to live with it. Don’t keep score and don’t hold grudges. It just ages you and makes you miserable. Enjoy your littlest one and help her make new friends to play with in school, clubs, or sports.

You might all benefit from family counseling. Go as a family of three at first, then if the psychologist recommends it, invite the older girls to join you for a session or several.

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I feel so excited about making money from home despite being not to depend in my salary, it is more than my normal monthly check Marilyn Eleanor Anstey
Highly recommended!

Sorry, but what does DH stand for?

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Oh the horrors! To be referred to as the wife! :roll_eyes: if you dont sit down… why am i picturing a older man with a new piece similiar in age to oldest girl?

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Totally agree they shouldnt bad mouth you but thats what will happen. Ignore their bad behaviourbecause they want a raise from you. When they are much older they will realise how much they had from you but it wont be for a good few years.
I have a bonus daughter who was totally spoilt. By all of us. At one point she had much more than her brother from us. Shes grown up with her own family now. So i can say wait. Ignore. And indure. As these bonus children are pulled in all directions at times and no doubt yours are fed by a jealous mum too.
Hubby is prob torn. And is trying hard to be the one in middle. Im sure he has his own stress when it comes to this. When he goes see his grown arse kids just wish him well and to have fun. So he can go relaxed a little and maybe enjoy it better. He loves them but prob dislike their behaviour just as much knowing who was there for her. But doesnt want fall out as he could lose them esp younger one whos at that age who will dispite all cut him off and proceed to blame you.
Stop trying where they are concerned. They might have a blood bond with their younger sibling but its not gonna work if forced.
You also have to let it all go yes it hurts like hell. But its way life is.
Take time with the youngest and enjoy

Dont nag hubby he dont need it poor guy might defend you but you wont know. Its as hard if not harder on him he loves his children and he loves you.
Make it so when he comes home from seeing them a peaceful time of togetherness. X

Blaming them for your child having “emotional problems” she is 18 and would have moved eventually. Also saying that they are jealous and not daddy’s little girl anymore but your daughter is. I’m sorry but a daddys girl will always be just that. It sounds like your are the jealous one. If dh wants to meet up with his daughters alone leave it be.

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As soon as I read “she’s always been jealous of me” I knew you had issues.

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No, no and hell no. While I believe that you did go above and beyond for his kids, everything was conditional and those kids know that. You need to step way back and allow your husband to deal with his two older kids first. So they called you a bitch, so what? Most kids that don’t get their way do. The only difference is they have a get out of jail card and run to the opposite house. Your kids have both parents still together and in the same home so focus on that and allow your husband to try to salvage their relationship and sweetheart it’s not about you or your child. Trust me when I tell you I’ve been in your shoes, same issue with siblings and all, holidays when everyone got a gift except me, family pictures that included everyone except me. I could have easily made that an issue but I focused on our children having a safe space and a complete home. Those girls I’m sure have a lot of issues going on and their parents (their mother and father) have to deal with that. Also, why would you give someone a family heirloom that doesn’t like you? I believe that you overstepped and on top of that you want to be acknowledged? Come on girl, you know what you were doing also. Being a parent is a thankless job with biological kids and even worse as a step parent. I think you aren’t getting praise and you need to get over that. I’m sorry you are going through all of that but it’s not about you or his new family. He’s dealing with his first two girls and I’m sure your husband recognizes that he’s on the brink of losing them as both are almost over 18. Let him take only the older two alone to eat, if he takes the younger kids, the whole meal will be him watching your child. I say stay in your lane in this one because it sounds like the jealous one here is you for not being included. You are looking for any excuse to further justify your narrative. I’m sure you are a nice woman and I do believe kids can be manipulative but if his girls feel the way they feel about you, that is their truth and you can’t change their mind and certainly cannot use your husband to join forces with you when he’s afraid of losing them.

All I see here is a lot of I and me, me, me sounds like it’s you that wants the attention.

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This was so long for no reason and could have been summed up in a paragraph. Like everyone else has said, you need to let it go. He doesn’t have to stop his relationship with his kids because they don’t like you. He picked u, not them.

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It sounds like the jealous one is you in all this.

Your husband is allowed to have a relationship with his daughters on his terms. He’s allowed to go to lunch or dinner with them. He’s allowed to help and support them no matter how old they are.

They are allowed to exclude you from their lives if they choose. They are allowed to refer to you as “dads wife” and not step mom. They never have to refer to you as mom in any fashion. As far as they are concerned, you are married to their father and nothing more.

You are not allowed to assume that because you now have a young child that she gets to be “daddy’s girl”. I’m sure your husband loves all of his children equally, but some he loves differently. And that is ok. He doesn’t have to love them all the same way.

I really think the jealousy issue here lies in you and not with any of these children. Your husband is doing nothing wrong. You are by not respecting their boundaries or your husband as a father.

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I ain’t gone lie, I didn’t read this whole novel and im not going to. Just know, you tripping big dawg :woman_facepalming:t4:

Those are still your husbands KIDS and you acting like you one of em too! He doesn’t have to have your permission to go out with his daughters. You are not entitled to tag along either. They don’t HAVE to include you in their lives! Your 5 year old ain’t the only kid he has to worry about and quite frankly it’s a cop out for you to blame your 5 year olds emotional issues on her older siblings. sound like the step mom from hell :sob:

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I’m not reading all that unless snacks are provided

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Wow. For once I agree with most of these comments! Girl, grow up. You sound like a bitch and that the whole world should revolve around you and your daughter. His kids have a right to their own opinions of you, and that shouldn’t bother you. Obviously they have a problem with you, and I doubt it has anything to do with your daughter. You sound extremely toxic.

Teenagers will be teenagers. They will rebel. They will call you names. It what they do. Stop acting like a high school kid and act like an adult. It sounds like to me that you are the problem. #notsorry

Wait what…. Let me guess you and the oldest are the same age

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WOW, this got my head spinning, This this really for real??? First of all, if it is, all of the dad’s children, no matter what age, & if they are daughter’s will always be his little girls. At no matter what age, they are. If his older ones what to leave, let it go, they are over 18, they can leave. But as for respect, there is no age limit for that,

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Well sounds like you are the reason your youngest has abandonment issues not them. You seem extremely toxic. You don’t get the title of mom and probably never will since they were quite older when you and your husband got together. I would want to stay away from you as well. Maybe you should let the dad be their dad. No matter what they are his children no matter the age. You throwing a tantrum because he is spending time with his adult children is the probably why they call you names. You expect respect and this whole entire post was extremely disrespectful towards them. Maybe you need counseling and to stop complaining to your husband about them I’m sure in front of your young daughter. They don’t owe you a thing. They don’t owe it to you to wear something on their wedding day. You are just their dads wife. Focus on your kids issues you have caused by probably talking so poorly about their older sisters. Kids absorb alot.

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What the hell is a dh?

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I heard all I need to hear when you said she’s not daddies little girl anymore because there’s a new little girl. Sounds like you are causing division in the siblings.

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She isn’t daddy’s little girl because you had another girl? His first 2 were there long before u…

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Sounds like you need to find some friends or go spend time at little tykes gym with the little. Redirect all this towards raising your own daughter and not dwelling on the abandonment from an 18 year old :woman_facepalming:t3: this is your struggle I respect that, but its not them its you and your issue! Move past it figure out the cause and give it to God. No man should have to leave his kids alone because they don’t want nothing to do with you! They are adults and that’s their choice as well as with their younger sibling! Focus on something else!

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I was on your side until halfway of reading your post. After I kept reading more I was like yikes :woozy_face: so their dad can’t go meet with them else place? Have you ever thought he does it because he knows y’all 3 don’t get along? Idk man I feel like there’s wayyyyyyy more to the story than what you’re telling us. Seems like more has happened behind closed doors and you’re making yourself seem like the victim here. I like how you’re blaming the sister for your child having abandonment issues. You do realize that happens with children wayyyyyy early on right? That means you’ve more than likely babied your child since she was a baby all the way growing up and that’s why she has abandonment issues. Her step sister didn’t create those issues, you did. It’s wild you’re trying to blame a sibling for your wrong doing. Your child doesn’t have emotional issues caused by her stepsisters. The way you talked in your post sounds like you’re the one creating those issues for your daughter. I also don’t get why you’re trying to make your husband or whatever he is handle it for you. You’re a grown adult who can speak to them on your own without another adult meddling in. I’m sorry but at the end of the day their dad is going to make sure he keeps that relationship with his children because they were in the picture first. It’s also sad you want to throw it in their face everything you ever did for them. No one forced you to do those things for them. You CHOSE to do that for them. So why are you going to throw that in their faces? No one forced you to do that. You sound like the bad stepmother by your post. “She is not daddies little girl anymore. There is a new little girl” big YIKES. Do you hear yourself??? And you wonder why they don’t like you :woozy_face: I applaud your man for not letting you stop him from seeing his other children. I applaud him for standing up to you and still keeping that relationship with them. I’m sorry but those two girls will always come first. They were in the picture before you and your child.

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You sound really young. Like you are in the same age range as your husband’s daughters. I’m thinking that’s why they have such an issue with you. This man is trying to repair his obviously broken relationship with HIS daughters. WHY do you keep trying to make it about you and your little girl?:thinking: They don’t bother to ask anything about their younger sister. They don’t bother to see her. Okay, and? I’m guessing THAT is one of the reasons they don’t like you. Then you said it was a huge slap in the face when she introduced you as his wife, not her stepmom. Well aren’t you his wife? :face_with_raised_eyebrow: I’m guessing she did that because you are either her age or younger. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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This doesn’t sound like an adult step parent problem, this sounds like the maturity level of dad’s oldest child. They will always be his daughters and will always want them in his life, you don’t have to be a part of it.

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You lost me when a 16 year old without a fully developed brain “manipulated” you.

They’re adults now- it’s your child. They don’t owe you, their dad or that baby anything honestly

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Stay in ur lane!!! Leave him and his big kids alone to have what ever relationship they choose it not up to you!!! You have nothing to do with there relationship with there dad!!! If the kids are bad mouth you in front of dad yes he should tell them its not cool but if they are saying stuff to other people besides dad it’s none of ur business what they say again stay in ur lane!!

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Wow! Why are you worried abt them so much… they don’t want to be ard you right now…leave them alone and let them go! They are his kids and he has the right to meet them without you……They are grown now they don’t have to listen to you anymore.

I feel like you are trying to start a beef btwn him and his kids! AND whoever is telling what they are saying about you tell them to STOP

LIVE YOUE LIFE

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My mom was like you. I’m now 22 and have no relationship with my oldest sister because she was (rightfully) upset when she believed our dad was just replacing her and our brother with a new wife and kids. My mom was an angel to them until I was born and then everything was supposed to be about me and my little brother (my dads new kids) and she completely disregarded my older siblings feelings. My dad died crying because he hadn’t talked to his oldest child in 16 years and it’s my moms fault. I’ll never forgive my mother for making it seem like a problem that my dad had older children because now my children are missing out on an aunt and uncle and they’re missing out on family we could have all enjoyed. Grow tf up and let them and your husband fix things as needed before you completely ruin it for all of them.

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You sound tiring AF :woman_facepalming:t6:.
But aren’t you his wife?
So what’s the big deal about being addressed as such :woman_shrugging:t6:.
Again you sound really tiring and glazing over what’s the real issues…
How different do you treat your daughter and his other daughters…
He does not need your permission to have a relationship with His adult daughters…

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You are the one who needs to grow up. They are his children and deserve to be with him alone if they want. They aren’t obligated to like you or spend time with you.

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You sound like my step mom :rofl: f that b

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As both a “step mom” and a " step child" I can tell you that all your accomplishing is a slow chasm between you and your husband. My late husbands daughter still calls me mom, but I never insisted nor asked her to do so. I refer to my fathers wife as just that. His wife. Theres nothing disrespectful about it. Did you ever play a signifigant role in their upbringing? No, they were already older by the time you came into the picture. Theres no mother-child relationship. I’m not excusing any negative behaviors by them, but you should seriously look at your demand for respect and titles if you are wondering why they act like that. Teenagers and even young adults don’t take well to someone trying to jump in and play momma in the 9th inning.

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You are. Don’t try to control his relationship with others. You are only in control of your own.

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Sweet baby Jesus and mother of mercy… it sounds like YOU are the jealous and immature one. It sounds like you’ve inserted yourself so much in their lives they’re just done with you. You’re not their mom. Even being upset about the heirloom. It’s her wedding and as the step mom your job is to sit back and wait to be asked to do something. You’re just along for the ride. You don’t get to shove yourself and what you think the relationship should be down their throats and get mad when they walk away. And maybe your baby is collateral damage. As sad as it is, that’s on you too. You don’t get to force a relationship and you don’t get to impede on theirs with their dad.

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You sound like a delight. Maybe you should read what you posted over and over until it sinks in. They aren’t the problem. You are. This screams for validation you’re not gonna find here. I’d start with finding a good therapist for yourself and go from there. Because you’re probably closer than ever to losing your man as well. (Not sure I should call him your husband, since being called his wife seems to offend you) Then it will be his fault your child has more issues right? Not that you are controlling, entitled, and act like a bigger child than the children do when you don’t get your way. “Don’t try to fix your relationship with YOUR kids, because they are being mean to me!” Sweetie, you’re a huge part of the reason he needs to try and fix his relationships with them. Let him. They can make the choice not to talk to you, want you in their life, and as sad as it is not want anything to do with their youngest sibling because of you. You need to step back and learn your place before you lose it all together. But then you wouldn’t have to be offended by being addressed as his wife anymore. Just the ex [email protected]#$.

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Wait :flushed: you’re mad because he’s going to lunch with them and such without you :rofl::rofl::rofl: they are HIS children. Maybe they just don’t want to be around you and umm you said she’s not daddy’s little girl anymore. Technically she is :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging: I hate bitter step parents.

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I think you need to find a hobby and stop labeling his children as villains and you the poor victim.

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Has your rocker lost its nuts? Because you are sounding more like a child than said children they deserve time with other family without you be a blessing not a burden to those kids they will hold resentment if you don’t change your attitude

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I seriously doubt this is the full story. She says her 5 years old has abandonment issues but the older girls have been gone over a year and she doesn’t remember the oldest? These children are grown let them live their lives. You are a step mom not mom, they don’t have to have a relationship with you or your child if they don’t want to. Blood/Marriage does not make you family. Mutual respect, honesty, loyalty these make you family.

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Firstly this is a mess. Those girls are it the problem you are. It seems like you just pick and poke at them all the time. Then let your child get away with murder and they see it. You don’t respect them so why should they respect you? They do not have to call you their mom or step mom. You are not their real mom. I refer my parents so’s as his wife or her husband. You shouldn’t be trying to get involved with his relationship with his kids. You’re trying to manipulate the situation for your own gain. You sound incredibly jealous of his daughters and their relationship the share. You also sound very immature yourself.

So let me get this straight…

You’re mad he is spending time with HIS children.
You are mad because they are adults making their own choices.
You are mad because you have inserted your life into theirs so much you pushed them away.
You are mad because of your actions.
You are mad because your actions cause them to get upset with you.

Do you see the picture? You cause this. Not them.

You sound like you need to grow up.

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First, sisters will always have each other’s backs. Second, I am 57 and I am still my daddy’s little girl! Third, you are insanely jealous and causing your little one’s problems. Close your mouth in front of her and move on! You can’t force relationships. There are reasons they don’t like you and I highly doubt they are jealous. Focus on your relationship with your baby and husband that are stuck in the middle of all this nonsense.

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Good grief
Smh. Let the man spend time with his children alone

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thats a whole lot of drama

I’m sorry you’re jealous over his daughters?! That he spends time with them without bc you have such strong disdain for them. That right there tells me everything I need to know. Maybe you should have researched what it means to marry someone who already has children. They come first always bc they are children. The reason his kids dipped out is this behavior here. Also you aren’t their mom or even step mom they were grown or mostly grown when you came into the picture…. And the older sister is her sister not her parent who needs to teach her right from wrong. Siblings bitch to each other bc they’re friends. How about accept blame that you most likely overstepped your bounds in this situation. Get your child into therapy and deal with the “abandonment” issues. It’s prob anxiety at this point bc god knows what you’ve said about all of this in front of her.

Also since you want to pretend you’ve done so much for them… parents should’nt be throwing into child’s faces everything they’ve ever done for their children…. That’s gross and manipulation by you. They were children and didn’t have a say in what you did or didn’t do. Also if you do things for people just to use later as ammo…. Gross. Def get into therapy yourself and do some hard looking. Also your child is not replacing his other daughters…. Never not in a million years it doesn’t fucking work like that.

If your side is accurate, really think about it and look at whether you favor your biological child, then I agree he needs to have a talk with them. They may never like you though and he still deserves to have a relationship with them even if it doesn’t include you.

Worry about your house. Worry about your child. They chose to move out and basically have nothing to do with you let that be fine. But do not for any reason do anything for them. They can’t respect you treat them as if they don’t exist.

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I think the “kids” are old enough to have whatever relationship they want with their father even if that excludes you. I do think they should stop being asses towards their younger sibling, but they’re practically adults and it is what it is. That relationship is their responsibility and maybe in time they’ll reach out more and try, if you’re not pushing them away at every opportunity. Also, you’re the adult in the parenting role, it’s your responisbility to be the adult and set the example. Be respectful even if you feel wronged…cuz honestly, it’s not all about you…kidd should cone 1st

You can tell him to have your back and you tell them yourself as an adult and it just maybe me if disrespected gotta whoop some but if need be js

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Ur literally placing all the blame for everything, including ur youngest emotional problems on his other children and u expect them to respect and want to be around u? Ur taking absolutely no accountability for ur negativity to the entire situation. Those are his children also and they are also grown so even if he does say something he can’t force his grown children to like u, especially when u clearly don’t really care for them either 🤷🏻‍♀ maybe they are reciprocating the energy ur giving them.

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It sounds like you expected rights to the kids by marrying their father. “we” had custody, being offended by being called their father’s wife etc. YOU never had custody. Their parents shared custody. You never had the right to set rules, discipline or otherwise pretend to be their Mom. As a step-daughter who’s “step-monster” tried to pretend to my mom kids don’t take that well. You were never & will never be their mother. So yes you are a btch in their eyes. She turned 18 & moved out. Yep kids do that. Sorry your baby has an issue with it. If her mommy understood her place & didn’t try to take her sisters mom’s place then maybe she would know her sisters. Your husband is equally at fault here. He didn’t put you in your place. He allowed you to try to play mommy to his daughters who already had a mom. He deserves the consequences he’s receiving. I cut the btch out of my life completely at 18. My kids don’t even know she or my biological father existed. Your husband’s future grandkids probably won’t know him either. That’s on YOU.

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