Am I wrong to ask this of my ex?

3 year olds dad has.not seen her in like almost 2 months now and called out the blue and was talking to her and such. Said maybe he will come see her this weekend. Am I wrong for feeling like i suggest just he come and not to bring his girlfriend? So we can sit down and talk how the 2 months of no visits has effected her? And explain to him if he cant consistently see her at least once a 7 day week he dont need to come around. I feel like shes going to be so.confused when she sees him cause she loves him so much and to her he just vanished for 2 months.

I wouldn’t let his girlfriend come with. It’s already enough that he’s going to see your daughter, and I think it’s good you’re taking that time to talk to him. If she does come, I would simply tell her that you need to talk to him about your child & she can go wait in the car or something. If it was his wife it would be different but…

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong to ask this of my ex?

Requesting not to have the girlfriend…I can see that. Insisting on weekly? Perhaps minimum once every 2 weeks or so but yes, be consistent and not have 2 months gaps…


If there’s no custody thing you really don’t have to let him even see her if it’s affecting her in a bad day. I suggest you take him to court. Also if you allow him to see her and he asks to take her anywhere with him and you’re not with them and there’s no court order stating anything then legally he can keep her from you until a judge orders him to give her back. You’re going to tell him whatever you want but in the end if he doesn’t care to see her and pops up whenever he feels like it then you telling him stuff isn’t going to affect him whatsoever. Only one who gets hurt in this is the little girl.


Maybe start by asking less than that of him before you tell him he’s cut off. Once a week can be difficult if he doesn’t live with her or get to take her home. I personally wouldn’t want the girlfriend involved yet especially if he’s not even consistent himself


Don’t sit down and discuss it in getting of her. Even if she doesn’t understand the conversation, if you fight, that will effect her.

Let him come and see her with you being there , if you and him makes a schedule and he keeps that for a year then let him see her by himself if not then you should be there every step,it will only hurt the child if she can’t see her dad don’t become the type that won’t let him see her, and yes kids bounces back being with dad sometimes and moms too -Now with the girlfriend issue it depends- how long they been together- if you and her by yourself talk without him around have a very good bond with her someday she will be the stepmom, - so have a good bond with her, and no she shouldn’t come into your home for the first couple visits maybe meet up at McDonald’s that why you can see how much she interact with the girl, at least give it a try

Depends on the situation with the gf. If it’s been a long term relationship and she is gonna be a part of your daughter’s life then she should be a part of the conversation. It will also help that she’ll see it’s all about the situation with y’all’s daughter and not about you and him. If she’s new then I definitely wouldn’t want her there either. As far as time with your daughter goes, nothing you say is gonna change what he does. It sucks that your daughter will be hurt but she’ll see how he really is eventually and after a while it won’t affect her as much. Trust me. I’ve dealt with it with my daughter and also myself. Just never talk bad about him in front of her and let him show her who he is and what his priorities are. She’ll come to her own conclusion about him. Good luck to both of you :heart:

She deserves more than a half ass dad. Tell him to use his whole ass and be there or fuck off :woman_shrugging:t2: inconsistent parents are the worst.

My daughter’s dad is the same way we’re court ordered though he still won’t take her weekends they will go months without seeing her (wife checks in about twice a week to see how she’s doing) he pays childsupport and sees her when he wants too… we live 35 minutes from each other :unamused:

This doesn’t have much to do with your question other than his inconsistency… Whatever you do do NOT EVER tell your child “Daddy is coming” let it always be a surprise! I learned that the hard way with my daughter when she was little… There were COUNTLESS times I told her that her Daddy was coming and she would sit on the porch until after dark with her little overnight bag packed and ready to go and he wouldn’t show… The absolute hardest thing about being a parent is seeing your child with a broken heart and not being able to fix it! Not even a little bit! And I guess maybe I do have some input about discussing his absence with him in front of the girlfriend… I would say go ahead and allow her to be there, there is a possibility that she doesn’t even know that he has blown his child off! She may be able to assist you in making him more consistent in your daughters life! You never know…


If you really wanted your child to have a good relationship with their other parent, which is definitely in every child’s best interest sans court order stating otherwise, stop trying to put stipulations and rules in place. The other parent is more likely to improve behavior and come around more frequently if they aren’t feeling attacked, controlled, unwelcome etc.

She isn’t old enough to understand days, weeks, months, right now. Never deny or make it difficult for him to see her. If the girlfriend doesn’t cause issues and hasn’t done anything to harm your child, there’s really no reason to say she can’t be there either.


Bottom line is he should come alone!
But let’s be honest, he probably won’t and who knows if the new lady is concerned over you and him being in company of one another.
Who knows???
Tread lightly, you bringing this to him probably won’t go over well.
I’m not sure how old your child is but I can assure you this man will make or break his own bond with your child.
It’s not easy to sit back and watch anything our children go through in their lives, no matter their age.
So, my advice is have a grown up only conversation with your ex, if you absolutely have too.
Express your thoughts… as food for thought too him.
In the end… He will carve his own bond and path with your child.
You may not like or agree with everything he does and that’s ok.
I’m sure at some point in the near or far future of co parenting, the shoe may be on the other foot!
So just breathe.
It’s not life or death…
I mean all that in the nicest manner. I’m just a realist.

My sons sperm donor hasn’t seen him in almost 6 years by his choice. He will be 8 next year. I would definitely put any hurt/hard feelings away & try to talk to him to be their more & be more consistent.

This time I wouldn’t bring it up. I’d let him have his visit and ask to meet up later without your daughter present and ask to talk about your visitation schedule and all that goes with it. Do it in a public place.

I would suggest that you dont ask him not to bring his girlfriend. Maybe ask if before the girlfriend is there you and him can talk about your daughter. Or if you can get a baby sitter then all three of you meet. Then depending on how that meeting goes he can see the baby. But ultimately if you explain its hurting her, then he does it again then he only cares about himself and I would cut off visits.


I’ll put it this way. If the roles were reversed, how would you want this to play out? Because its all well and good for us to have our opinions. But how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?. Things happen, our lives change from day to day and aslong as he is still making effort and the gf is of no threat to the child, then its our job as the mum to help them through these hard times. My son gets to see his dad 3 times a year if he’s lucky due to the distance. His gf having personal needs, my son can often go long periods without hearing from him. But I know at the end of the day, he’d kill for his son, and he takes every opportunity he has to be with or atleast talk to his son. My son is 8 and this has been going since he was about 4… but he still thinks the world of his dad and its up to me to get him through it.


Get a custody agreement & stick to it
If there’s not agreement, depending on the state, he can see her whenever & take her.
Y’all play too nice & get bit.
Yes, gf shouldn’t be there. Not this time.
Work out a plan, based on the state guidelines & get a custody order.


This isn’t a conversation you can have over the phone ? and best to get a court order for visitations and if he misses you can get supervised visits.


If it’s been a long term relationship then at some point I could understand introducing her to the child but if it’s new then no and tbh it’s been two months and the child is only three so I wouldn’t even let him take her away anywhere he has to build a relationship with this child and can’t just be popping in and out whenever he feels like it , he hasn’t seen her in 2 months so first time he should be coming alone and if he doesn’t like it then tough shit , go with your gut and do what u think is right

You don’t get to decide if he gets to come around or not, that’s for the courts to decide
He obviously does care and wants to be in her life or he wouldn’t come around or talk to her at all


Go to court and a mediation done and then discuss visits and what not .that way he has to do it. It shouldn’t matter if he has a girlfriend or not.


You know he’s only coming around because he told his gf you were keeping y’all’s kid from him. He already painted you in a bad light to her. So welcome her with a smile on your face and let it be known HE CHOSE not to see her for months at a time. And also welcome her with a smile because you KNOW she will be the one taking care of your child 99% of the time when she is with her dad. About the time he has not seen her, she’s young and she will probably go on as nothing ever happened. Maybe he will be in and out of her life forever but every time he comes back you’ll make sure to welcome him with a smile because you will always show you’re daughter that you tried to keep that relationship between the two of them.


You can try but dont expect him to comply. If he can go 2 months without seeing his kid without a legit reason, he might not come at all. talk about it on the phone

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You can’t control the man. I would want to meet girlfriend anyway because if he is going to make an effort and he is with her, your child will be around her. If he starts actually making an effort and you snub that, your child will resent you later on. She has every right to know her father, so if he is willing to be in her life now, make the most of it.

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Never tell her hes coming so then if he doesn’t she won’t get disappointed …
And I would tell him its all or nothing, he needs a relationship with the child before she has one with his girlfriend xx


The most common reason baby daddies don’t come around is because they are sick of and avoiding baby mama drama. Are you causing baby mama drama? I mean, your post sorta gives you away. Stop the drama and control issues. Do it for your child.


I would have addressed this over the phone when he called after 2 months. I would have made it clear if he isn’t consistent moving forward then he doesn’t need to come around at all, that’s just ridiculous.


A proper arrangement through the courts is needed. Dont stop the gf from coming because he’s probably already made you look bad in her eyes .
When they arrive…ask if you can all have a meeting at some point to discuss your daughter. You can arrange childcare and go out for coffee maybe …somewhere public always keeps it more civilised…
Dont tell your daughter Daddy is coming until he arrives if hes let her down before…3yo are old enough to feel excited and hurt when let down
After an arrangement is made if he breaks it without good reason…hes not needed in her life.


Discuss with him your concerns yes, but what evernyou do chose your words wisely. Explain your daughter needs regular visits but please do not use the words either do this or don’t bother. It makes you look like the b he has probably already made you out to be.

You have every right to be upset and you need to do what is best for her. Don’t let him scar her because it really will mess with her mentally and she may have issue as she gets older. Tell him either be there or not choose now

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He should be coming on his own anyway! Why does he need a tag along? She’s his daughter not the girlfriends

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Let the girlfriend come say all you need to say In from of both of them male no confusing you are not ok with him not coming around two months. The dad probably tells that women you didn’t allow him to.


Allow me to respond to this from a different angle. I married a man with a then almost 2 year old son. From the getgo, I knew if I was gonna be in this relationship, I was going to have to take this as a packaged deal, which I did. He is now 7 and we have a very special bond. I love him like he is my own. From the time BM knew I was in the picture, she was super jealous and hated me before she had ever met or talked to me. Fastforward 5 years, NOTHING has changed except I married BD. She still hates me and will not accept the fact that I am boy’s bonus Mom. I have tried being nice. I have tried killing her with kindness, buying her gifts for special occasions. I have tried coming down to her level, and being mean, which is not in my nature. The parent exchanges have to be done at Sheriff’s office because of past drama. It breaks my heart that we all can’t just get along for the sake of the boy. I just don’t know how to get past this. I would think she would be happy that her son is loved by me and never treated like the “stepchild”. From this side of the picture, I am suggesting that you allow the gf to come. The 3 of you sit down and discuss what’s happened. Make sure she knows it’s not you keeping BD away from his child. I promise you embracing the situation instead of fighting it will be better for all, especially the child. Also, any advice from any of you to help my own situation is appreciated.

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You can’t control the man, I’d want to see the girlfriend anyway. It’s most likely, she’s telling him to go see his daughter. I have a 3 year old. He knows who his dad is, and i wouldn’t be thrilled if he brought over a girlfriend with him. But you know what? My son isn’t going to care, he just cares about his dad. Now I’d care if the girlfriend was up in their business. I’d want the father to enjoy time with his daughter alone, not with anyone interrupting. I’d say let the girlfriend go. But let her know this is son and daughter time.


I can give you an answer from the perspective of a little girl who’s father was in and out of her life. Let him come. Any time, consistent or not, let him come. I loved my dad and it 100% messed with me about the consistency but I cannot tell you how much I love and admire my mom for allowing it. He wasn’t mature, I wasn’t a priority but as he got older I was. When I turned 15 he finally became consistent and I had 6 really amazing years with him before he passed away. My husband on the other hand had a dad that’s wasn’t consistent and his mother said no more, and wouldn’t allow him to see him any longer. My husband is now 36, hasn’t seen his father since he was 7. His dad has reached out several times but he refuses to speak with him. It has messed him up in ways that I don’t think are fixable. Any amount of time is better than none. Girl friend there or not is a you issue not a kid issue.

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Quick, everyone start with the mom is a better parent crap.

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Discuss your concerns but don’t stop the girlfriend coming. Any excuse you give him to not come will only lengthen the time he is away.

I’m at 5 months right now with my kids dad. I just got about my life now and we just don’t discuss “daddy” cause he’s not around

Not wrong for telling him not to bring her, but Id want her there so you can make all your expectations on his and her relationship with your child super clear. Truth is she is probably the reason he reached out to try and see her anyway.


Just explain how hard that was for your daughter. Put the ball in his court to step up or not. Don’t make demands, and don’t say the gf can’t come. Yall are adults, act like it.

Do u like the gf? Alot of times men listen to their gf…I’d ask if you him and her (if she is cool) to be on a schedule.

Tell him in front of his gf🤷🏼‍♀️

Gf do t need to come if you dont feel comfortable…my bd has never met his daughter she’s 3 …they talked on the phone once and she told me she didnt want to do that again …I also told hi. That if he wasnt going to be a consistent in her life that we will make no effort In his …I think its mean that you would try and take ANY tr time away from them …your the one saying dad can’t spend time with you …not him saying he doesn’t want to be there …that’s on you not him

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If she has been and will be in the picture then they both need to be involved. She will probably take more out of it and he won’t be able to lie and make up crappy stories about u, and push him to do the right thing. If they are both nuts then definitely do something else

Fair warning if you don’t have a court ordered custody agreement don’t let her go with him. In TX custody is whoever has the child unless its court ordered. Meaning he doesn’t have to give her back. Sounds like the GF wants an instant family.


Your not wrong to want to but if itll upset you if he refused i wouldn’t bother
He shouldn’t have to have it explained to him that goin that long without seeing her isnt cool

I don’t think you should utilize the time he should be spending with his daughter. You could call him before or after the visit to have that discussion. You shouldn’t tell him not to be around if he can’t see her a certain amount of times. You should always leave that window open for him to see his daughter. I rather my children see their other parent every six month than not at all. As per the girlfriend situation, explain to him that you would prefer if he would just come so he can enjoy the time w his daughter better, but that you won’t object if she were to come because you would like to meet her.

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The girlfriend has nothing to do with the situation. Personally, I would establish a visitation schedule BEFORE he comes this weekend. My daughter was 3 when her father and I split. He disappeared for 6 months before contacting me to set up visitation. During that 6 months, I had to answer her questions about where he was and why he didn’t come see her. When he contacted me about visitation, his excuse was that it was just to difficult to see her and be around me. We set visitation that we both agreed on. He saw her once, then started with the excuses. Repeat this 2 months later. He saw her once then started with more excuses. There is NEVER an excuse not to be with your child. After the 5th or 6th time he bailed out on her and I was left to deal with the questions and the tears, I put an end to his bouncing in and out of her life as he chose. I told him if he couldn’t be consistent, he couldn’t be in her life. So I would suggest you and dad coming up with a visitation schedule and advising him that if he vanishes again, he can stay wherever it is he winds up and leave her alone because kids deserve active, consistent parents and the bouncing in and out of her life, is going to do damage to her.


As a daughter of an inconsistent dad, I dont reccomend telling the father to stay away. My mom was always encouraging my father to keep his scheduled visits and always there for me to cry on her shoulder when he didn’t show up. (She never said a bad word about my father either). My father was only interested is seeing us kids when it was convenient for him or when he wanted something. He was that way up until the day he died when I was 37. With my mom leaving the door open for him and being supportive for me, I always knew it was his decision. I never had to question if my dad stayed away because it was his choice or because my mom didn’t allow him to see me. As far as the girlfriend goes, she is a part of his life. Even if you dislike her, you should allow your daughter to get to know her. It really is no different than if/when you have a boyfriend.


She is apart of his life wether u like it or not. From my experience she could be the reason he’s actually showing up. She may want him to have a relationship w her and from a women’s standpoint she knows it’s hard being a single parent . Give her a chance. U have to include her too. Who do u think will be giving her a bath , dressing her , taking care of her. She will. U need to meet her and be nice. Explain it to both of them so she knows ur standpoint and she doesn’t hear it from him so words don’t get twisted around. Don’t start off on the wrong foot and that’s what u are doing.

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Have the convo with him and the GF.

At least he is coming around shit some dad don’t want anything to do with their kids. Be happy she has her dad coming around. And if the gf comes then be happy that he found someone that is TRYING to meet your child and be involved like the dad. And sit down and talk to both of them about when they can take the child on mini adventures.

His GF also needs to hear how his child is being effected as I she may be part of the reason for his absence whether she knew it or not. On the other hand she may have been pushing him to come. She may be a second female in your kids life so foster that relationship as it will only get dad to see the kiddo more. Explain to both of them calmly how emotional effected your child is by his lack of visits, How that turns into physical problems and feeling of abandonment and not being loved by dad which then turns to feeling as if they are not loveable. Remove your emotions about the GF and him so you can do what is best for the child.

I know you’re trying to protect your child’s feelings but the father can also take you to court for refusing to let him see her (denial of parental rights) It sucks I know. It’s best to get court orders visitations and that way when he doesn’t comply you can proceed to have his visitations revoked…

Never ever say “you can’t see your father/kid”. Don’t be that person. Your kiddo will make their own decision. Hang on, it’s a ride and a half.

I dont understand how it is so easy for a “father” to just walk away from his child!! My granddaughters piece of shit said that he just couldn’t stand to hear her cry when she was made to go with him. He was the one who went to court to reduce his child support only to have it raised and him being required to see her every other weekend. My poor girl was so terrified that mommy was gonna leave her like daddy did that she was devastated to have to go with him!!! He lasted 4 weekend visits,then christmas time 2013 he drops her off with me saying see ya next time… we haven’t seen or heard from him since!! No child support,birthday card,christmas, nothing!!! WHAT KIND OF WORTHLESS PEICE OF SHIT WOULD DO THAT TO A CHILD WHO ADORED YOU??? I WISH HE WOULD JUST​:skull_and_crossbones::skull::japanese_ogre:!!! BURN IN HELL JDD!!!

He’s moved on into a new relationship get over yourself. There’s literally no reason she can’t be there.

OK when parents seperate…the father isn’t leaving the child. He’s leaving the mother and the relationship.