Not unreasonable, I would want her father to be present. Their relationship is to new to leave her with someone you don’t know.
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YOU as MOM must put your baby’s safety first (still baby at 2 ! ) She’s vulnerable as she cannot speak for herself or defend herself. Please don’t mess around do whatever it takes to get her protected. Zero overnights with any other adults that aren’t HER FAMILY and no taking her more than a specific number of miles from your (her) home. Lots to consider. Get a legal document like TODAY.
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If something don’t feel right, it’s not. Go with your gut. Be very careful who you trust with your kids.
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It shouldn’t matter if there is a teenage boy in the home! That is ridiculous to assume anything inappropriate just because he’s a teenage boy! Shame on you mom!
Also, you need to put your feelings aside for your child. I don’t think I’d agree to 50/50 just because when she’s old enough to be in school, that won’t work. But he should be able to have his daughter over night at his house with his girlfriend. Period.
You don’t get to dictate his relationship not personal life. You all need to get along for your child!!
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When it comes to the safety and well being of your child its always best to be over cautious then under. I would absolutely say no specifically because you havent met her. Then after that let your gut guide you. Rarely is your gut instinct wrong.
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When I went thru this with my ex, I was told what he does with our son during his visitation is his time I have no say what he does just like he has no say what I do. I really think its unfair for your daughter cuz his gf will have your daughter more than your ex will so I totally understand your frustration. I really think you & your daughter should get know her before she spends the night & wakes up to a stranger instead of her daddy.
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You can’t say that and judge just because a teenage boy. She is being protective. I had listened through the church live videos of mothers fathers brothers neighbors cousins normal people who had their child molested and trusted them .Never know
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No! Doesn’t seem healthy for your daughter if he is changing girlfriends like he changes his socks.
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I had a teen age older stepbrother that couldn’t keep his hands to himself…So dont shame on you. Do what you have to do to protect her. A girl friend is not a wife and not committed to take care of your child. If she is going to be responsible then talk to her.
Nope… She needs stability not a person in and out of her life. Who’s to say how long his relationship with this gone last. He has to remember she’s a girl its not cool to teach her its ok to be in and of relationship with someone! If he doesn’t understand that its because he thinks of himself and not whats best for his daughter!
He needs to be in his daughters life as much as he can. You need to meet his gf and her children to see for yourself what kind of person she is so you can be comfortable when your daughter is there. Then when you go to court you will know what to say to your lawyer. Eventually you and your ex will be coparenting whether he has a spouse or you do. Good luck to all of you
Trust your gut. Once he shows he and his friend are serious then maybe once in a while but for now your daughter needs to know stability and love.
There is a right of first refusal. You can get it put in a custody agreement (even with 50/50 custody) that if he is going to be gone more than six hours you watch her. Step Parents are different than girlfriends in the courts eyes.
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In all honesty a court will tell you that you dont have a say, also it would work the same way around would you allow him to say you can’t have a new bf watch her cause he dont feel comfortable? As hard as it is you just have to trust he has your daughters safety at heart.
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I totally feel your motherly instinct are correct at this point in your toddler child life. Please do not give into his demand for more time knowing he won’t be the person caring for daughter during his time at work. Your child is way too young to give you details if anything wrong was being done to her I raised 5 children and was extremely cautious with person providing them with their care while my husband and I worked I became like this as a parent because I was molested as a very young child Its usually the least person who you think would be capable of doing it I can truly relate toward your feeling on this matter Good Luck in Court
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Honey do what is best for your baby, 2 much going on in this world with our babies anyway…No if he feel some type of way that’s on him. Cause if something happens then its 2 late to say i should have or could have
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You don’t have to “play nice” if you aren’t comfortable with it. Your child only gets one childhood and it’s your job as her mama to protect her. I’d rather be safe than sorry.
You have one job … God gave it to you and it’s to protect your baby… he’ll would freeze over before I would let that child be in an unstable place . He can come to your home to visit . He didn’t need to move that far…i can hear the motherly instinct alarms going off in your writing! It’s there for a reason and you need to trust that inner warning voice and your instinct which knows that whole situation is bad news. She has one childhood and does not need to see dad bouncing around and his kids feeding god knows what music and images to her and that any woman that moves a man into her home that fast does not have her own children’s best interest in mind let alone YOUR CHILDS!
Something in your gut is telling you this isn’t right!! Listen to it, over an hour away and you have no idea what this new girlfriend or her children are about, too many what if’s in the situation and no way would I allow this, your daughter is so young & you have to be her advocate and greatest protector!! Many prayers for you both!!!
Absolutely, you have every right to be concerned. No way in my opinion. My ex wasn’t allowed to introduce our daughter until our divorce was finalized. Too confusing for little ones if it doesn’t work out. You don’t know this woman and at 2 months, neither does your ex; not well enough to be incorporating her into your 2yo’s life. A heck no in my opinion. Stick to your guns. Good luck!
Hell I didn’t even allow my kids to go with family members house and today was able to talk and explain their emotions and feelings to me. It’s to much going on in this crazy world. For me trust anyone with my babies. Meet her go out to lunch with out him see what she is about see how your daughter acts around her if she’s happy to see her or not I’m pretty sure they have met before
My ex has visitation with my son, i had it put in the order that i have to agree with who he brings with him to visits and who he has around my son during the time hes with him.
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With times the way they are now moms and dads are killing their own children so if the courts allows hid gf too babysit her two year old daughter then this is just me . I would have a beautiful necklace a beautiful bracelet and her favorite doll body camera fill connected directly to my phone. And I wouldn’t let them know. If she proves to be a good sitter then I might turn off one of the body cameras. Just me
I don’t feel comfortable about any of this situation. Your to-be ex sounds immature and unstable. (I’m a 70 year old woman. I was married at 18, with my mother’s consent, had a daughter at 21, divorced at 23. Single mom for 7 years, remarried at 30. Been married now for 40+ years to that man.
My first and foremost concern is for the safety and good of YOUR CHILD.
Sounds to me like your husband may not be able to make the best choices for his daughter.
I also worry about your attorney just saying catagorically to not keep your daughter from her dad. He’s talking about leaving a 2 year old with someone she (or he) actually knows.
I think you should seek advice from some close friends and family. AND another attorney.
Barely 2 months and they moved in together? And you haven’t even officially met her? But you are the voice for your daughter. Your momma instinct should kick in when you know something ain’t right. But I would note everything she goes to visit, before and after. Although she does need her dad, but sounds like he is desperate for love.
You can ask for I believe it’s called “First right of refusal” or something along those lines to be incorporated into your custody order. It basically says that if your ex is unavailable to be with the child for X amount of hours during his visitation time, then he has to offer to surrender that time back to you, prior to getting a different childcare option. And I believe that school, daycare during work days and preschool are excluded from it so you can still send her to daycare her two days a week. Maybe ask your attorney since you’re uncomfortable with his girlfriend watching her.
Do what is best for your child. You have to wonder if he wants this and is secure about the relationship he shouldn’t have a problem introducing you to her.
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You have to be open to a new person in her life, bc how would you like it if tried dictating to you who your daughter should be around. I was in the same boat. So you have to give a little trust to him that he’s not going to allow HIS daughter to be hurt by anyone. This is more about how she feels about her father, than your feeling OF him or his actions.
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Absolutely no, she would not go!!! And if him or his gf had a problem with it, tell him to put the shoes on the other feet… and if the Gf would let her children go off that soon, that young… then there you go… that says all that needs to be said of what kind of a mother she is🤷♀️ just my opinion!! Not saying she’s a bad one, just not very trustworthy
And a “new girlfriend” watching your child is completely different than your grandmother watching her!!!
Good luck, y’all will be in my prayers
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If I didn’t feel comfortable with his girlfriend then I would not do it especially since they haven’t been together that long I would wait until your daughter gets used to her and you get to know her before I would let him keep her like that just stick with a visitations that he has now
He seems to be a rolling stone. BUT your feeling are valid.
What it will come down to is what is best for y’all child. Honestly, if he wants 50/50 There needs to be a period where this child spends time with her dad and the g/f and kids. You will not be able to go to court and say your honor she has a teen age son. Not going to fly.
Unfortunately you have no say in who he dates, lives with, or brings around your child. As long as there is no abuse or neglect it’s his time and he gets to make the decisions. The court will give him some custody, but maybe not 50/50. You are Just going to have to trust that he loves his child and will keep her safe.
I say no way will anyone i don’t know watch my child ever, this is too protect ur child, first it is not really him seeing his child and spending time with her if he’s at work, no no do not let him do this
I would definitely want to meet her, a two year old cannot communicate well if something is wrong.
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Don’t let him take her. My ex- husband brought his preteen son and younger daughter to live with us. I was so worried I couldn’t sleep. Slept while they were in school. He was very large for his age. While I was gone only three blocks away he molested one of them. I hated him. Yes hated him. Made him stay In his room . I called the police. His dad telling him not to say a word. He was removed from the house.
Went to court he was one wk was his bd. He was tried as a minor… went to a place where minors of sex attacks. They had a counseling I refused to go I never wanted to see that face ever again. The counselor wanted me to let him come back to the house. I totally refused. The ex is gone blamed me for not letting his son back to the house.
You should do a background check on the new gf and maybe have a get to know you dinner at your house with her, her children, and your ex. If you get to know her better, you should be able to tell what kind of person she is and if you feel comfortable with her being around your child while she is with your ex. I fully agree with your decision that as of now you don’t want your daughter spending the night with strangers, because your ex is all caught up in a new relationship and he is not thinking clearly right now, he doesn’t know this woman very well at all. She may be a woman that will be good to your daughter and she might be one that wouldn’t, but you are the one that has to decide if you trust her or not.
Your baby is 2. With a teenage boy around and her dad is not. NOT. NOT. THERE. Do you feel she would be able to communicate with you correctly EVERYTHING that happened during her visit.
Until you can be sure of that …
And of course, you would have to meet her and her children.
If he could continue his visits at his parents, I see no problem there.
When my ex husband I I were going through the divorce and custody I was able to get a court order put in that neither of us were allowed to have the kids spending the night at a significant others home.
There is no way in hell I would have let my two year olds spend the night at this person’s house especially if I never met her oh, she has a teenage son , and your ex has only been with her for 2 months. Keep your kid and tell him he can see her in public for a few hours at a time. until she gets used to this woman and if he doesn’t like it he doesn’t have to see her at all until you go to court. Any judge would say that is insane
My opinion is if he is not going to be there for her visit, then you need to change his times so he is there to be with his daughter until he settles down with one person
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I’m no lawyer but I’d say hell no and its not the same for ur grandmother to watch as the 3rd new gf of a few months u do not know her or her teenage son. nope I would not send my 2yr old baby to a stranger hell for that matter he can’t know her that well either
Does he have a screw loose??? Why would he think it would be okay to leave his 2 year old with a stranger?? You don’t know her… She could be a fruitcake! You need to get to know her!!! You said he will be at work so he isn’t even going to be there. If he is going to work, why should this stranger try to get her to sleep at night and not her own mother? Why would this women want to take care of a 2 year old when he is going to be at work and not even home? What am I missing?
As her parent you are legally and morally bound to be her protector. If you are not comfortable with the situation then offer some alternatives that you can work with but do not just blindly hand your daughter over to someone just because “dad” wants it. Your duty is to her first and foremost. Search your heart and make sure the reservations do not stem from any jealousy or anger towards him on your part. If you are truly concerned for her well being then do not agree to it.
I hate to break your bubble from experience I would not leave her with the girlfriend you mention the girlfriend has teen boy , just let me just say the devil never sleeps !
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With all the stuff being said lately. It’s bf/gf have abused killed raped kids No way would I let anyone take my child to a stranger and that’s the girlfriend she is a stranger to your child. His visitation is for him to see her not his girlfriend
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No way! I would not do 50 50 custody because he clearly doesn’t think with his head on his shoulders. He moved in way to quick and that’s not ok or heathy for your child. His girlfriend should not even be part of this parenting agreement… go to court… don’t be a fool and Maybey you need a new lawyer. He behavior with woman seems irratic and irresponsible
Continue his weekends but if he is working and sleeping during the week, wait until you divorce and have a court order to proceed with other visitation. You don’t know his g/f and frankly neither does he… I would be very uncomfortable with my baby being left with her.
Try to meet her and see how she is around her kids and yours as well. Try to work out better schedules so she has minimal time that she has to watch her, co parenting nicely is the best for the kids.
I would make arrangements for him to have visitation when he is actually home. That is what they are for. For him to visit with his daughter.
An arrangement like this needs time. You and your daughter need to know her much better for all that to happen.
Listen to your lawyer and have him voice you concerns in court but ask your lawyer what to do with his new work schedule and overnights with your daughter if you stop let your ex have her it will look bad on you
Sounds to me like he wants the “50/50” to minimize or completely avoid child support. If that is the case, you can just tell him in exchange for her only going when he is around, you will knock something off of the child support. It isn’t fair, but you will sleep better at night.
Get a good lawyer. Moving in after 2 months and the third woman in such a short time - NO WAY Father sounds very unstable or immature-- especially with an older boy in the home.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my daughter staying with someone that hasn’t been around long enough for you to know. And anyway if he has her then he should be watching her not the girlfriend
I agree that he moved awfully quick but to the ones of you saying no just because she has a teenage son. Shame on you. Just because there is an older child does not mean bad things are going to happen. And unfortunately a judge will tell you that neither one of you can control how the other one is spending time with there child. It is sad that the children are the ones to suffer when parents split and can not be civil.
You both have to realize she will go to school in a few years. I think you should keep up every other weekend and an extra day now and then but 50/50 should be worked out later. He moved away so hard to do 50/50.
Honestly the judge does not care how many girlfriends or wives he has brought the kids around. My ex did the same thing. Unless his s.o. is actively a danger to the kids You have no grounds to walk on. However you can argue in court that he should only have her on his days off. That’s the whole point of visitation its for him not his gf. The courts honestly aren’t of much use either they’re all about the money and the only people who win are the attorneys. 60.000 dollars later and a bankruptcy and it still didn’t get me anywhere. As much as I despise my ex and his drunken self around the girls I’ve learned to choose my battles wisely. Its easiest when you. Both get along and don’t have to rely on the courts to tell you when you can or can’t see your child.
Uh no! Its hard enough leaving them with people you know…anything can happen! And someone you dont know at all and he barely knows her…why would he even think its reasonable to ask? Absolutely NOT and dont feel bad about it!!!
Don’t send her over if you’re not comfortable. I went through this with my son and now that he is older he told me that his dad’s gf would be mean to him.
Ignoring him and doing things without him.
Fight for your baby❤
Wouldn’t agree to that. Safety of your daughter comes first of all.
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I take no chances. Meet her, get info and run a nationwide background check. Run her driving record, just in case she takes your child out anywhere. This is your child and there is no such thing as too cautious.
I was in same situation. He was a flight risk. My lawyer said not to let hit take the kids because without the custody being finalized, he could take them and its harder to get them back.
You need to follow your lawyers advice, any arguing you due until then is futile. It will also look unsavory in court. When you get to court, bring up all these concerns, and questions, the judge will help yall hash it out.
Its best to play nice for now, at least for your childs sake, unless obvious abuse comes into play.
Have you met the woman? I married a man with five children ages 8 to 17 at the time and I had a 14 year old son. The man was a pathological liar but the children and their mother and I remained life long friends after I divorced him. You never know who your allies might be. My step children’s mother once called me to thank me after her son kissed her and hugged her before leaving the house for the night. She knew it came from my son and my house and our way of living.
Sorry but your ex is thinking with the wrong head. He himself doesnt even know this woman yet. How on earth could he trust her 100%. Your daughter is 2. Not even old enough to know right from wrong or really be able to communicate well, god forbid she had too. I see red flags on this one. Talk to a laywer. 
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With all that goes on in this world no you are not wrong just looking what is best for your child. Stay strong and don’t back down.
Unfortunately its not your decision what he does on his time. I have been through this and the courts don’t consider that unless there is some criminal issues with the gf. They really don’t care about anything other than keeping the parents in the children’s life.
Not at the moment nom Why dont you ask if you can meet up with her to get to know her if shes a mum herself she would understand x
I agree. My ex married a Nurse, but my daughter came home with an ear infection I could smell from across the room! She also cut my daughter’s long hair, right before my wedding. Had to have an emergency hair-fix the day before the event. (I’d had plans to French Braid it.). Not a big thing, just an example of some things to consider. Go with your gut!
I wouldn’t even consider meeting my (now) daughter when I was dating her dad until I knew for sure I would even consider marrying him and that was after 3-4 months of dating. Even then I definitely was not ever alone with her for any longer than an hour just because she didn’t fully know me, or I her. The fact that his Gf would even be ok with that + the teenage son raises lots of flags for me. If you don’t have anything in writing yet, do what’s best for you mama. I do not see a judge taking his side especially when he’s asking to get her but basically not see her. That’s stupid.
My ex was like this. We got it added into the custody agreement that neither one of us were allowed to leave the children with anyone that was not.blood related and approved by both parents. And we had an agreement that we would meet each others bfs or gfs before they were allowed to be introduced to the kids.
So what happens if f he got 50/50 custody then he and his girlfriend split? Would he then ask you to take your child while he works so he can avoid childcare cost? Need all of that to be considered when going to court. He must be able to do it without his new girlfriend.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable at all. Honestly you should know the person your child is around. Background and everything. If this his 3rd gf in two years I would be concerned.
If he can’t let you meet the gf that’s ur first red flag,I’d deff be meeting her!
I would be more worried if it was a new man in your life!!! You need to adjust and stop trying to control him!!! Be flexible!!! It’s what is best for your daughter!! My ex had a drinking problem so I wouldn’t let him see his son unless he could prove that he was sober! That was straight from the judges mouth.
Plus he only wants 50/50 custody to save him on child support. That’s likely why he wants gf to watch. Been there. So sorry.
I would give it more time. With him moving from relationships so quickly, I think your daughter could get wrapped up in his dramas.
I have seen several cases like this where one or the other parent took the child for a visit and when said visit time was over, the child/children were not returned to the other parent. Because there was no court ordered visitation times set by a judge, the police couldn’t do anything about it! Since the father chose to move that far away, I would be getting my lawyer busy on a date to go before a judge for custody and visitation!
I would reach out to the girlfriend directly and speak with her mother to mother. Explain to her your concerns and that it isn’t personal towards her. For your daughter’s sake, it is important that both parents are able to co-parent civilly. In order for that to happen, there must be trust and respect. I agree with most here in that I would not allow my child to be kept by a complete stranger and it is unfair for your ex to expect you to. I would try to also talk to the ex and try to help him understand where you’re coming from. How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Open communication is key.
Try to build a relationship with the new girlfriend. If she is going to be in your daughter’s life, you have every right to know her. Your ex should respect that. This woman could be a wonderful person with a great heart and you could even grow to be good friends. OR, it could turn out to be a complete and total nightmare. Either way, you won’t know until you reach out to her. The biggest take away from my comment is that there needs to be trust, respect and open communication among ALL parties involved. If any of those things are missing, that’s a huge red flag.
On a side note, the lawyers response rubs me the wrong way and I would find another attorney. I understand what she was trying to say, but to put it that way was just out of line.
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I think you have the right to be concerned. You don’t know her. Sounds like he doesn’t know her either. Does she have a police record? History of drug or alcohol abuse? What does she do for a living? Has she ever had a background check? Is she willing to accept you doing a home check for safety?
If you are ready to spend money. Go with your gut. Teenage boy . Nope. Get a lawyer. Find the shark. The best and connected.
He who has the most money wins.
Not comfortable at all…would want to meet her and see her living conditions…this was in my son,s divorce decree
Your gut instinct is your body’s way of telling you before your brain has time to process. And if it’s telling you no, then no. Do exactly what you said… Eventually consider it.
I would be concerned also. You don’t know this women and it sounds like he is moving from one women to the next. I’ve seen many custody agreements where no overnight guests of the opposite sex are allowed when the child is there unless it is the ex’s new spouse. I would check into that.
Nope, not unreasonable at all. No parent should allow someone who has only been around for 2 months watch their child. Shame on your husband for suggesting it. Stick to your guns and tell him that if he is with someone for a long period if time and if you grt to know them well, then you might allow it. Also, when the child is old enough to tell you what happens when she is being watched by someone other than you or him, you might be more comfortable with the situation. Good for you for advocating for your child!
Ask your attorney about 1st right of refusal. If he has her and has to work and needs a babysitter, you get first chance to watch her on his time.
I’m wondering how old your child is. If she’s extremely young it would bother me fir a stranger to watch my child too; If she’s like 8 plus she can tell you if she’s uncomfortable etc.
Absolutely NOT they just started dating. 2 months is not enough time to establish a real relationship
I wouldn’t trust her - she’s a stranger to you and your daughter. I was intrigued by your post.
from what I have seen in others situations, I would say just go slow on making those kinds of decisions. If you give away too much in the beginning it gets to be a pattern that you have no control over. I don’t blame you for being cautious…
In Texas, we have the morality clause in our divorce agreements. No one of the opposite sex that is not family (blood related), or spouse, can spend the night while the child is in your care.
Hell no! If you haven’t met her she shouldn’t even be allowed around your daughter! What the hell!
Get to know his gf it might be completely harmless -she could be a great person -get to know her kids as well esp the teenage boy
No way, you need to have a court settlement on visitation cause if he decided to keep her or take off with her you have no rights cause he’s the parent, police will only intervene if there’s court documents.
How can Dad spend much time with the daughter anyway when he works the night shift and sleeps in the mornings
I agree with you. I would definitely talk to your attorney before court so the Judge understands it all.
Vet the boy and do your due diligence… yes, always assume the worse… be safe…
She barely knows these people hell no. We’d have to work something else out. And in no way is my little girl going to spend the night where I know a teenaged boy is.
Absolutely don’t let your daughter that can’t even speak yet spend the night at his house no way!
Why do so many women not accept the fact that they are not the only parent? If it was your new bf you would be pissed if your ex complained.
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