Would he be wrong to have concern for your new man watching HIS DAUGHTER! Unbelievable
If they are not willing to get together before your 2 year is alone with her I would be reluctant to let her go.
From experience, I did not want my 2 daughters to go with their dad. This was his girlfriend as well and he spent no time with the children and the children were only with her. That’s not the point. The point is daddy is suppose to be spending time with them. This is his time to play and make closeness grow with the children. But I have to say, the flip side of that is that he after a while, he cut them out of his life and they were adults with children before either side reached out. My children reached out to him. I felt like they needed to mend before something happened to him. They did a reconciliation and he finally was not always angry. He had a lot of guilt. He has now passed away but they did have some great conversations with him. It is a double edged sword.
Unfortunately there is no easy answer. My daughter went through this and it was a nightmare.but you are definitely right to be cautious. If possible you can have it set through the courts that neither of you can have love interest between the hours of 11pm and 7am. This helped my daughter a lot. I pray that what ever voice you make it is on the best, long term benefit of your child. God Bless you.
My husbands ex wife used to babysit for us. She is a spectacular mom and even after 38 years we still keep in touch.
Why don’t you speak to the gf and get to know her. She may be a decent person…
You have the right to be comfortable with who is watching your daughter
She a mama. Teenage boys are not immediate predators. Trust that he makes a good choice.
50/50 is too much especially if u are home. I would wanna meet her also. That’s crazy he hasn’t set it up yet
I wouldn’t be ok with it either, the ex has only been with her a few months, yeah I don’t think so.
Nope! I want to meet who would be around my child. No matter who it is.
Nope! I had the exact situation. Mg ex would not agree to keep my son at his mom’s so I kept him until we went to court. I informed him he could see him at my house or his mom’s and he refused so I kept my son. The court absolutely agreed no overnight visits with another woman, he would have to stay at his mom’s. Trust your gut. Right now you have no order in place. He cannot take her from you and your grandmother is NOT the same as a new girlfriend. Now they will try to mediate and have you meet her…just be prepared for what you wanna do in the “if you meet her will you agree?” Question…stand your ground. Keep the concerns of the teenage boy in the home at the forefront until you know this family well enough. Give a timeline…like a year of them being together etc
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Maybe when she’s older you can thing about a more lenient visitation.
When you leave your child at a preschool/day care you don’t know the person you’re leaving them with either.
I would be careful you know nothing about his girlfriend ! Tell your lawyer they need to find out about his girlfriend .
Guard your daughter at all cost. Take it from someone who has seen a lot. Everyone can be nice until you walk out the door to leave them
How is he spending time with her if he at work and she has school
If your daughters only 2 forget that. You’re right you don’t know her, her kids, especially the teenage son. Forget the 50/50 share also. She’s not old enough to tell if someone’s hurting her.
You can’t really do anything about it if she’s not in danger, get over it, he moved on
Trust your “mother’s gut.” It’s usually always Right.
I would request a background check, before I left my daughter with a complete stranger
With all going on with people’s girlfriends killing their partners children…id be very concerned.
I say absolutely no. I wouldn’t feel the least bit bad about it, either. Can’t compare a grandmother to a brand new girlfriend. That’s crazy.
Legally they can put in the papers that she can not spend the night with gf but he can put the same about if you get a bf…
If you feel concerned I would not do it, till you feel comfortable,
I would not let my young daughter be in the house with an teenage boy…
You can ask for in the divorce/custody papers for a non-cohabitation clause, it prevents you or him from living with someone unless you are married. I have one, it works.
The visitation is for your ex. Not his girlfriend. I wouldn’t do this. How old is your daughter?
Temp custody has to be backed with proof of abuse, not just a gut feeling
On general principles, I wouldn’t want someone I didn’t know watching my 2 year old.
I’d never agree to that!!! Would work with him but not strangers in and out of her life
I would check out his BF’S and get info on her and any other people your child will be around…what if her ex was a criminal or dangerous person who could come around…
Just my opinion but I would for sure want to at least meet her first. And no, having a new bf/gf watch your toddler vs your toddler’s great grandmother is not the same at all.
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Nope nope heeelllllll nope…you don’t know that woman’s teenage son or that new woman…::hell no and the father is never going to see it this way…
He doesn’t know her well enough to move in with her and that would be enough for me to say NO !
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I would stick with the weekend routine if those r his days off until court
Im curious. Who watches her while u r at work for your 3 12-hr shifts?
Just make sure you don’t do things he can use against you.
Nope. Follow your gut. They are not married and let him know you will need to vet the teenager…
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You can’t tell him NOT to have his girlfriend around your daughter… unless you have a signed legal document, however, you absolutely CAN tell him you do not want her and her teenage son ALONE with your daughter, ESPECIALLY overnight. She is only 2, she likely isn’t going to feel comfortable without her dad there. Voice your concerns about having a STRANGER watch her. Tell him right now, you feel it’s better to keep the overnights for when he is going to be physically present, it can be revisited later on if new girlfriend sticks around. Set time aside to get to know her too. If she does stick around, you will definitely feel better if you know her.
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No your x should always be there.
You are correct in not wanting your-still husband’s girlfriend watching your 2- year old daughter in her own home overnight. You haven’t even met her! You do not know her at all! You don’t know what her values are, what her temperament is, what type of discipline she uses, etc. The idea is for her to see her Dad, but he won’t even be there! That is nuts. And I also worry about the girlfriend’s teenage son. You don’t know him or what kind of kid he is. Too much uncertainty for me. You need to object and get this in your court documents. You would need to get to know girlfriend and her kids. If he marries her, you need to know what kind of atmosphere your daughter will be going to. This may all work out overtime, but start slowly and get in your court documents. You can petition for changes as time passes.
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1st have you met these people? Do you trust her? If not, no.
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Share your opinion but understand that if he isn’t causing harm to your child let that man see his child. You decide to have a child with him at the point that you decided to have sex with him you shud have already been okay with his choices. You are not in a relationship with him anymore and he don’t care about your opinion anymore he should respect it but truth is he don’t have to and you can’t make him. Does he tell you who you can date. But to get respect you have to give it. Your not his mother your his child’s mother. A hard part of separation with kids is adjusting to your new role
I would want to meet the girlfriend in person and see how she interacts with my child before letting her watch my child alone. You have to remember that you have want to treat the girlfriend the same way you want your ex to treat your future boyfriend. Divorce is hard for everyone but parents need to always put their children first. My ex and I didn’t get along for a while after our divorce due to circumstances beyond my control, but I never denied him seeing our kids. I did insist that visits be supervised for safety reasons. (my ex was addicted to drugs) He is sober now and if he continues to remain sober I will let him have weekend visits with our children. Our kids are teenagers so they are able to tell me if they want to go and everything that happened. The main thing is don’t let jealousy towards the new girlfriend or your anger with your ex influence your decision regarding your child. Children need both parents and as long as it’s a safe environment there is no reason not to let the child go.
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You have to trust your gut! You are her biggest advocate, if you are not comfortable don’t send her.
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I would say it’s not unreasonable at all to be concerned. You don’t know the woman, and it seems he likes to hop from bed to bed, so it’s a valid concern. When my ex and I separated I simply explained I would not allow our boys to witness a revolving door of women. He had a girlfriend I didn’t trust, so she wasn’t allowed to be alone with our boys and they didn’t stay the night while he lived with her because the boys had no place to sleep. He’s also had a girlfriend that I did trust with our boys. I insisted I met her before the boys did. He lived in his own place, and had a room and beds for the boys. I felt I could trust his girlfriend so I was ok with her being alone with the boys If it was needed. In fact, she was a huge help at times when there were day care issues or he and I both had to work late. We got along well for nearly a year, then their relationship took a turn and she moved out. He knows that my number one concern is our boys and doing everything I can to protect them, and teach them how to properly treat the women in their lives, and people in general.
do a search online to see if she is a criminal… check her Facebook page…which im sure you have already done. maybe meet with her and size her up.
Right thing. You don’t know her
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Nope nope nope!
Think of the almost worse thing that can happen.
It did happen to my daughter.
You are correct in your thought process.
She has a teenage son. And because of that I would not want your daughter around her at night for any reason or in a capacity where the girlfriend might tell her teenager to watch the child. Whether you’ve met her or not there plenty of cases of teenage boys abusing girls younger than themselves when they are unable to be sexually attractive to girls their own age. You should definitely meet with the girlfriend anyway. But make it clear that your daughter will not be staying overnight there because she has a teenage son. It doesn’t matter how good the kid is or isn’t it’s just not worth having the Temptation there and having your daughter’s life ruined.
The fact your husband has gone through so many girlfriends and you’re not even legally divorced yet shows that he is irresponsible and unstable. Keep the daughter at home until after your court case end of story
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Go with your gut feeling you can’t go wrong
Get a temporary custody order.
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Sounds like you picked a wonderful man to be your daughters daddy.
You really don’t have much of a say in who he dates or what he does in his time. Unless you have a genuine reason to be concerned for your daughters safety, you should not withhold visits at all.
Dont do it…tell him after 6 months maybe revisit the conversation
I wouldn’t trust it not with all these children being killed
Nope, no!!! Be very careful who you leave your child with!!!
I would absolutely not do this
No and no. Not a healthy situation. The end
Go with your gut. I would not do it
The vast majority of teenage boys are rapists. I would be very concerned
Sorry to tell you this, but you do not get a say in who she is around on his days when you have a custody agreement in place. And if before the agreement is set you choose to withhold her it will look bad on you. Trust me, 11 years ago I was not happy about my oldest daughters dad having his girlfriend around her, but I found out that there is nothing I can do about it. You can’t be bitter and unless you have actual proof she is not safe to be around there isn’t anything you can do.
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To long of story people lose invest
What does if matter what social media people think? I would follow what your lawyer is telling you to do.
I had a very similar issue with my ex. No idea how many women he was actually with or introduced to my kids. I just know I was the one picking up the pieces when that relationship would fall apart and the kids didn’t understand why they didn’t live with Sarah ,or Suzie, or Amy, or Dana anymore. We have 50/50 custody and he just got married this weekend for the 3rd time. It gets better. Really. I could barely look at him let alone talk to him at first.
As for your question, no I would not be comfortable in any way for this new girlfriend to watch my child. The unfortunate thing is that there isn’t much you can do. Unless there are reasons that can be proven in a court that she is unfit, he can bring your child around her whenever he wants. Stay tough. Start doing fun things for yourself when she is gone. I spent lots of long hours being very angry and fighting about something I couldn’t fix. Also, get a therapist.
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Now days you can’t let just anyone take care of you kids.
My thing is his daughter is there to spend time with him not his girlfriend so why does she need to be there when he is working and if he’s going to be sleeping all day and still not spending time with her and having his girlfriend watch her why wouldn’t he just let her stay at home with her actual mother my ex has a girlfriend and I’m the same way I trust no one my son is aloud around her but if my ex is working then my son had no reason to be over there he can stay with me she can watch him if his dad needs to run somewhere or if she wakes up in the morning with him before his dad does that’s fine as well but there is no reason for my kid to be at his dad’s If his dad isn’t even going to be there
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Same here. My ex is letting his girlfriend of less than 2 months watch our 2 year old daughter while he’s at work. And I’ve spoken to a cps worker and was told I have no say in who he allows watch her while she’s up there and vise versa
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Would not do it at All!
Get it before a judge…
Allow it, make sure the gf has your number and knows that she can call anytime especially at night if ever needed. If she doesn’t have kids let her know that it’s ok if she needs to call and it’s not something to worry abt. She may feel as awkward as you feel.
I am a mother and a step mother. I agree with the nervousness here. That is a very short time to know someone and moving very quickly. She could be a wonderful person. Also I would really insist on having a sit down meeting. To co-parent there had to be communication between all.
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I would not allow it
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Oh he// no You can trust anyone this Day and time. Just saying
The visitation is supposed to be for HIM to spend time with your and his daughter, not his gf. You’re not being unreasonable at all. If possible, try to arrange to have dinner with your ex and his gf so you can ask questions and everyone can be on the same page. Best wishes to you all!
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You can’t control what goes on in his household…you just have to trust him
That he is going to make the right decisions for your daughter unless you have a valid reason to have these concerned. Honestly it rly doesn’t matter what you feel comfortable with I’m
Sorry but he has every right to have his gf watch her…it would be like him trying to tell you no to your choice of baby sitter…this will not look good for you in court…
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Make it clear in writing that you are willing to work around his schedule as much as possible and can fit visiting in when HE is available to supervise the child. Kindly explain you are not comfortable having someone you don’t know and he barely knows keeping the child unsupervised for that much time. Too many kids end up dead or abused by mommy or daddy’s new significant others that are babysitting. If you have proof you have tried working around his schedule so he can see the child and you have respectfully explained your position and you have it all in text messages or email then you have back up if/when it comes up in court. I would consider contacting child services for an emergency custody order pending an actual custody court proceedings to keep the dad from being able to just take the child until it goes before the judge if your ex insists on leaving the child with someone you both barely know
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The visitation is supposed to be for HIM to spend time with your and his daughter, not his gf. You’re not being unreasonable at all. If possible, try to arrange to have dinner with your ex and his gf so you can ask questions and everyone can be on the same page. Best wishes to you all!
You sound concerned about not knowing his gf and her taking care of yalls daughter. I think you need to meet his gf and try for all of you to get along. There seems to be a bit of jealously in your words. But you need to get along and your lawyer needs to put what you want in the custody agreement. I do not think any judge would send a child into a home of some one you did not know and had older kids in the house too. Let your lawyer know all your concerns and let them talk with the judge.
Another thought: When parents hire a babysitter to take care of their children, they meet them in advance. They have them over to get to know them before the are alone with the children. They have them take care of the kids while a parent is still in the house. They get recommendations from friends. Recommendations from an agency. Do a background check. Why would you do any less with your husband’s girlfriend and her children?!
Be careful with no custody order he could keep them. My ex no longer sees our kids. His girlfriend is a drug addict the last time she came to my house she told my kids she would punch them in their face if they ever smoked a cigarette. Meantime my kids have no desire to smoke. My youngest has asthma and they refused to not smoke around her. Anyways I found out the following week that she was doing herion again. He then argued that she never hurt the kids while high. So he allowed her to be high around our kids. She stole the money my kids had saved over there and bought drugs. They both did things extremely irresponsible and got in physical fights in front of my kids. My kids haven’t gone since June 2019. I sued him for child support and he thought the mediator would side with him and say I owed him visits. She straight up told him I owe him no visits. She also told him with the being on drugs no judge would give him visits. She has a daughter who was adopted because she wouldn’t stop doing drugs. My husband has been raising them as his own for 7 1/2 years and they want absolutely nothing to do with bio dad. The things they told me once they stopped going you couldn’t pay me to send them back there. My youngest stopped wanting to go in January of 2019 and refused to tell me why and then did. They kept telling her they where gonna send me to jail and take her away from me. So be careful.
Sounds like your husband wants to live away from his mother and is willing to move in with any female that offers just that. It’s sad that he thinks like he has no children because jumping from relationship to relationship is NOT healthy for any child to see.
No, you’re not wrong for feeling how you do. If it were reversed and he was writing about you moving in with a guy within a month of meeting, I would say that you were in the wrong.
Save whatever texts he said that his new girlfriend would be watching y’all’s daughter if he were to be granted 50/50 custody. No judge will award 50/50 when the parents will not be able to be with their children on their assigned time.
Why ask for 50/50 if he won’t be able to be with her? I think he’s trying to avoid paying child support while having a free babysitter. Smh
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Listen to your damn lawyer. Why the hell did you spent thousands of dollars on your lawyer just to seek for the answer you WANTED to hear on social media??
Honey, wake up. Sharing a child while being separated with her other parent will never be the way you want it. You gotta find compromises with him.
Harder to do since they are living together. If you have hard proof it’s not safe to let her stay with her daddy then let your lawyer know that. Otherwise, listen to your lawyer
I’m just confused about all the comments about the teenage boy?? Is the child like a known sexual predator or something?? Just bc a teenage boy lives in the home does not mean you have the need to feel uncomfortable. I watched my boyfriends kids when we first moved in, I had and have teenage boys, she was 3 at the time and they were not at all interested in anything she did lol. Her mother always said these same things and I always thought “what a weird thing to say or think!” I mean, you had a child with him, he is her father, if you think he would put your daughter in some kind of danger…just bc you two are no longer together, I would try to reevaluate your thoughts a little. Has he been irresponsible with your daughter in the past? Has he ever put her in dangerous situations or had her around dangerous people? If not I would say just push harder to meet her or reach out to her personally and go have lunch. How you handle these things now will create the environment for the relationships later. If things start out rocky…it will be very hard to smooth them out later. Try to be positive, reach out to her directly and ask to meet her. I wish my boyfriends ex would have gotten to know me in the beginning…it definitely would have put us in a better place. I do understand your reluctance with her being so new, but if he’s living with her, he might see a long term future, therefore it’s best to try and blend your family positively. Our courts didn’t even address these kinds of issues, but the attitudes of the parties involved definitely caused some issues and a lot of drama for years.
Custody issue ashes your concern about a teenage boy makes me roll my eyes . You. Do know all teenage boys in fact most aren’t predators ? Would you be concerned about a teenage girl ? Check your paranoia
I agree I, too, am uncomfortable with your small daughter being around the gf’s teenager. BUT, as hard as it is, follow your lawyers advise, until the custody hearing. LISTEN to your daughter if she tells anything about gf or the children. In fact, WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN. When you dropped off or he picked up, the clothes wore and sent (keep track if kept there), who answers if you have to call. Conversely who calls you, if they have to call you. Keep a notebook about her visits, conversations, etc. Most importantly, keep a copy for you, if you are going to be required by court to turn over.
Your due diligence will help in the long run.
Honestly I would be fine with it. My mom had me around my now step dad a week after they met. They have been together for about 20 years now. You never know if something is going to work out. With that being said I get it you want to protect your daughter but its her dads job too. Ultimately he may know that once school starts he won’t be able to have 50/50 and wants to be able to spend more time with her. What would be the difference between leaving this child with a non family babysitter and his girlfriend? I dont get it.
Better safe than sorry… forget these fruitcake mom’s. Do what your gut tells you protect your child with every fiber of your being.
Don’t leave your baby
Absofreakin No…You do not know this lady…do yourself a favor before trouble starts 
Yeah is quite soon im a step mum n have been for over 18years y dont u perhaps text her n get to know her a bit n then meet up we do get a hard time from ex wives in the beginning when the fault u have is with ur partners were actually nicer than your exes and I do totally understand ure concerns it is always better to be safe than sorry but give her a chance get to know her as if they are in for the long haul she will understand my husband ex wife was a total bitch to my husband shes not my best friend but I’m civil n vice versa kids have grown up now so no longer little but if we spoke on phone I’d say at the end of the day we had to try n get on as there was kids involved im so lucky I get on with my stepsons im grandma to there children the boys always say love you when there here is on the phone I have been very lucky good luck lovely its a decision only u can feel comfortable with what I will say it does work both ways she had a boyfriend and wouldnt tell my husband she moved in with him and the kids hated him but she still stayed with him for a couple of years they didn’t have stability with her partners they have said to me weve only ever known me voice ure concerns to your ex and to his gf u may be surprised she will agree with u if she’s decent x
NOPE! No way!!! No no no no no
From reading what you wrote no wonder hes with a better woman then you she’s probably a better mom then you “he can have her ever other weekend” total bullshit you get get 3 days 12 hrs then he gets her 3 days 12 hrs parenting is 50/50 not 25/75 grow up
Um fuck no. Do not allow this. Not only is this not safe because you don’t know this woman from atom and really neither does he but say she is an ok lady and the kid gets attached only for your ex to move along AGAIN. Not cool messing with a child head like that. That’s why you don’t introduce every lay to your kid. I really feel this post and am going through something similar. However my ex moved his girlfriend who he had been cheating with in after I’d been gone a week. And btw she is only 4 years older than our oldest daughter. He wants them to be friends…he’s almost 40 it’s disgusting.
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Trust your instincts.
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Nope. Absolutely not
If the court gives him 50/50 or any other custody you cant do shit about it other than say have a nice time.
What he does is not your business in his home when he has her as long as she is being taken care of properly this just sounds like some petty bitter shit that needs to end he is her father and knows how to care for her just as you do move on and get over it
I don’t think you’ll win this so your best option is to become friends with his girlfriend. Start communicating with her and be civil and honest about your discomfort. But be clear to her this is not out of jealousy because otherwise things can turn sour. And just work things out so you’re on the same page. Do a background check on her as well to be safe.