The fact is in most cases you have very little control over what other parent does when they have the child…different states have different rules. At the very least spend some time meeting and getting to know the GF and her kids and watch how she is with her kids and your own. Go out to dinner together, go to the zoo, etc and see how she handles different situations…
You do need time. You don’t know this woman. You need to be introduced to this woman and you and your daughter need to be around this woman in some social settings before allowing her to be around your child alone. Ijs
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I would push the idea that you would like to meet her. Try going directly through her instead of through the ex. You should also realize if you want to keep his significant others from being around your children he should be able to ask the same of you when it gets to that point. There is a good chance that the way you described your relationship you could end up preferring the girlfriend over your ex. Again, as much as possible, try to communicate directly with her so that he can’t play the two of you against each other. As far as the teenage son goes, I understand the concern and it’s better to be safe than sorry, but it’s unfair to assume that an average teenage boy is going to be a danger to s two year old. Obviously, make sure you also meet him and don’t get any bad gut feelings about him. Try setting up a few dinners together where everybody can meet and go from there. It could all end up being a blessing. Just communicate and be mature about it and hope the ex will follow suit.
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Run a back ground check on this lady . And it’s way to soon for this she needs to get to know this woman and her kids slowly. They may be great but right now they are strangers to your little girl . Also , you need to meet her if she is remaining in your child’s life .
It sounds like the child will be spending most of the visit with the girl friend and not the dad. I would bring this up with dad as a concern and suggest visits be scheduled around his work schedule so he can actually spend that time with the child.
No ! You don’t know her and his relationships are not stable. Think about what your baby is being taught about how relationships work. Would the other lady allow it for her children? If something in you saying no, follow it . He sounds like a good devoted and responsible dad, but would he allow you to bring a lot of men around her, nope.
Go with your gut, meet the woman explain your concern. If she is a good mother, she will understand and work with you. One of the best things I did when divorcing was to add a clause that if either person or spouse bad mouthed the other, they lost custody. Kept us all civil and polite.
He is my opinion trying to get out of paying child support . I would not agree to him having is girlfriend watch the child because what happens when they break up? Also you do not know her .
Unless you have a good reason to distrust your soon to be ex in connection with the care he provides for your child, you really can’t control who he leaves her with when he’s at work. I would just ask for full physical custody with him getting lenient visitation. 50/50 is so hard on the children.
No way!! Not until she’s able to communicate better would I let her stay with a unknown person…dad should be more concerned for her than he is.
He is selfish and putting a child in the mix of a new relationship is crazy
You need to meet her that’s for sure!! My sons father also switched his hours and this is a familiar scenario!! Luckily his girlfriend is a very nice woman and my son likes her. We all get along and I hope that you all can have that same vibe going. She may be a wonderful mother and person but you have to find out for yourself…I’m sure the judge will agree!!
I think that is too many changes for a two year old. Your suggestions are reasonable. You do not know how this woman disciplines or acts, do not know her children, with his track record could be someone new in another month.
Not until you meet each other, then always listen to the child if she says she doesn’t want to go.
First of all your husband just met this woman and her children and doesn’t know very much about them so I would say no at this wait to you go to court
Itll take time for you to accept it. But as long as she’s treating your child like her own and respectful then you have no worries.
He wants 50/50 maybe to pay no child support if you are just now heading to court…
Guess that would be up to the courts to decide. You can’t control who he brings his child around unless they are criminals or druggies.
Get to court asap, get the standard, right of refusal.
I have 50/50 custody with my ex husband but we have what’s called first right refusal. Which means if it’s HIS day with our daughter and he is working and needing someone else to watch her he MUST ask me first because if I’m free I’m her mother and she should be with her parents. Once he’s off work i would give her right back to him to finish up his couple of days with her. If I’m busy I do let his new wife watch our daughter. But she didn’t start watching her until about 5 months into their relationship. We communicate a lot and I do communicate with his new wife also which makes it easier.
Your thinking is correct!! I would feel the same way.
Go with your gut feeling. If it doesn’t feel right refuse and get to court ASAP.
Ok I’ve been there & done that many years ago. Stick with your gut I did & the judge sided with me. My ex moved out of my home into his girlfriend’s then shortly after moved 2 hrs away. He tried to get custody & the judge all but laughed. He received 98 overnights a year and shared holidays. That lasted for a few years now 15 yrs later my youngest who is 17 sees his dad maybe 15 days a year & those are holidays only he stopped getting my kids for weekends about 8 yrs ago & my oldest doesn’t even acknowledge him. If you have a gut feeling listen I had one about my ex’s now wife & it was spot on & my kids hate her it has ruined their relationship with their dad. Your mom you know best keep a calendar of things you notice if you do & make note of things that seem off & tell your lawyer. She’s young so its hard to have people give statements with my kids I had letters from teachers & babysitter saying how well my kids was doing in my care just to be safe since he was trying to pull the custody thing. Remember she’s young & its not fair her dad expecting this from you. The judge told my ex husband either change hours or quit or your not getting your kids its your responsibility to care for them not your girlfriends. Like a said I’ve been where you are now its hard but you got this momma.
No!!! Trust your instincts. Besides the fact that the visits are for him to spend time with his daughter, and that’s not what is in the plans. Three girl friends in less than a year is not stability. I did not agree to it and the judge agreed. Visitation is for them, dad & child, and not at this young age. But eventually if it became a permanent relationship and our children get older, it would happen… He could visit with them at his parents house, but not in her and her childrens presence. The time was for our kids & him. It was assumed that her kids would be watching my kids- just 3 years old & 4 months. He left while I was pregnant. He wound up seeing them 19 hrs for oldest and 17 hrs for youngest in total. He had four different law firms & it took over 9 years. He didn’t pay. As soon as wages were attached, he would quit work & move. I chased him all over the country. But he kept paying lawyers. I only use one the whole time. He was just trying to bankrupt me. I earned my degrees and became a teacher and supported us. Life goes on. I never denied him visitation. But not with just anyone - but with him. Judges know the rackets these guys pull. And his hardly ever showing up proved it, despite we never moved, changed phone numbers, no presents for Christmas & birthdays, and no child support. They are grown now. They both have great degrees & jobs, but they both never had even 20 hours of time with him. When my daughter was in college, we moved and she realized that our phone number had never changed. It hit her hard that he had never even tried to call her. She wanted to go and confront him. She didn’t tell me, but had called my sister so someone would know her whereabouts. She was so angry when she realized that he never even tried. She was so hurt and angry. I guess in a college dorm, reality settled in. I never spoke bad of him. Anyway, he died about 9 years ago at 53. He never took the time. The judge always ruled in my favor bc he was just not believable, failed to show up for court or visitations repeatedly for over 9 years. We had the same judge. He said I see what this is, then looking right at me, said I’m going to do you a favor. I see what is happening here. It might not always feel like it. I am keeping this case. I am going to be the only judge to rule on this case. No matter what shenanigans he pulls, I’m going to make the rulings. It did take over 9 years, but by having only one judge, he was able to oversee the constant lawyer changes, no shows, no support payments, and changing stories. No one would ever know or be able to weed through the lies and power plays unless only one made the rulings. I have two wonderful kids and I would go into a burning building for them & they would do the same for me. We are family. We are strong and independent. They might not have become such strong, wonderful people, but I wasn’t going to allow his choices for his life to change our agreed upon lives. They always had a mom to count on. Life wasn’t easy. Judges know truth and respect people that tell it.
Follow your gut feelings.