I think I need some advice, please. So I have a nearly eight-year-old son, and he loves his grandfather(my dad) so much. My dad’s girlfriend has her niece and nephew up for the week; they are 6 and 4 years old. They are sooo cute! Anywho my son and I were at their house yesterday, and I was out of the room when I heard my dads gf ask her niece and nephew if they wanted to go to Rainbows end(that’s a theme park in Nz); I was a little annoyed cause she said it in front of son, and she knows my son loves this place. So then it’s the next day(today), and my son decided to call them to ask if he could go see them and them at Rainbows end. My son was a little upset that his grandfather(my dad) didn’t ask him if he wanted to go. Also though these kids have never been to this place(I feel like that should be mentioned). My question is…Am I right to be annoyed at my dad for not asking if his grandson wanted to go OR am I being ridiculous??? Please, no nastiness, just advice. Thanks heaps.
I think it’s fine to be annoyed. It would have been different if she didn’t ask right in front of your son. But since she did she should have included him. Or asked the other two at another time.
She’s an adult who knows better…should’ve definitely asked at a different time or included your son. Did your dad end up taking him? If so I’d just let it be known how it made him feel and hopefully it doesn’t happen again.
Not very nice to do !!!
I think you’re right to be annoyed that she asked in front of your son but not that they’re taking her niece and nephew without him. How they spend there money is up to them and maybe your dad isn’t paying for them or not going…not to mention there’s only 2 of them to handle a 7,6 and 4 year old in a theme park by themselves. That’s a lot to handle for anyone. Maybe they only wanted 2 kids because there’s only 2 adults that will be there. I would say something to your dad and his girlfriend about not mentioning stuff like that in front of your son if they have no intention of taking him.
no child should be left out…you are all family and all kids should of been taken…you are 100% right to be be hurt and upset…
Sure she could of not asked in front of your child, but it happen and she wasn’t thinking probably.
I dont feel that they had to invite your child.
Things like this is when you put on your parenting pants and just explain to your child maybe next time they could all go, this time they are spending time with the other children.
The girlfriend apparently doesn’t think! Maybe a little selfish.
I’d be annoyed to but maybe they had a good reason.
Possibly explain to your son that just like he values his time with your dad they do as well and sometimes it’s hard to share attention between there kids and he wanted to introduce them to an awesome place and maybe when it’s not their first time help take all of you. Then pull your dad aside and say hey I’d you’re going to do things with them great but you don’t ask in front of another kid.
She probably shouldn’t have said it in front of your kid, but i think you’re wrong to be annoyed . She asked her niece and nephew, she wants to spend time with just her niece and nephew and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t think your child should be included for this particular trip there, especially since it wasn’t even your father asking them it was her asking them so it’s basically from her to her niece and nephew. Now if it keeps happening then yeah but i think she just wants to spend some time with them and just them before they go back home, nothing wrong with that.
I don’t know what your relationship is with your dad’s gf but either she just doesn’t think before she speaks or did it do be a jerk. You should explain to your dad how it made you feel for your son but also if your dad didn’t invite him I wouldn’t push your son on them maybe there is more to the story with finances or maybe 3 kids is too much. Or just talk to them both and say you’d appreciate it if they keep their plans to themselves if everyone isn’t going to be included for future reference. Only to avoid upsetting another child, person ect.
I’m sorry you feel this way and yes her approach sucked and I know I’m going to get burned for this… but…sometimes life just sucks. Not everyone is going to be nice and consider your child’s feelings about being included. It’s okay not to invite him. It’s okay for him to upset about it. But, he needs to learn that he can’t always go everywhere just because he likes the place. Maybe make plans for another time but dont be upset they wanted their family time with just the 4 of them alone. She could have waited but she was just being rude.
Well you’re right but i think you should learn how to control anger and frustration most times to avoid loosing respect,love,care and value …i pray for Grace and forgiveness unto you and everyone too may God continue to shower his blessings on us
I would just tell my dad that your son felt left out and ask that they be more considerate next time.
Yeah I’d be annoyed. I wouldn’t be annoyed if they took them and my son didn’t know. I think it’s really just bad manners to invite kids somewhere cool in front of other kids that you aren’t inviting. And yeah - I’d say something. But I’d have to calm my ass down first because I get all sorts of bothered when my kids’ feelings get hurt.
I wd be upset to .
I’ve been through that. It hurts. I think you’re absolutely right to be annoyed and hurt
You are ridiculous. Allow them to spend time with the other 2 kids.
They definitely shouldn’t have mentioned that in front of him. Its ok to do things individually with kids but they shouldn’t have said a word in front of him if they didn’t plan to take him along
Yes you are absolutely right to be annoyed for them not asking your son to go! Very wrong of her but even more wrong of him.
I think they’re fine not bringing him just because they’re going maybe they wanted some one on one time with her nieces
However if they didn’t want to include him they shouldn’t have asked in front of him.
You have the right to be aggravated over it they shouldnt have said anything infront of him i know i would be mad if that was my son
I would just tell my dad that my son is going invite or not… he’s your dad what could he possibly do… lol
What did he say when your son called him?
Going without him would be ok, if they didnt mention it in front of him…that’s kind of shitty…he’s a kid and loves that place, so it must have been crappy for your son. Just tell your son they’ve never been there so they wanted to experience it slow and steady at their own pace and that he can go next time.
Yeah… You’re wrong.
I would be more annoyed that they mentioned it in front of him, not the fact they didnt bother to ask him to go…maybe she had plans just to spend some one on one time with her neice/nephew… probably nothing intentional to hurt your son,maybe just bad timing on asking her niece/nephew …I wouldn’t take it so personally, but if it is really bothering you say something to your dad… let him know that his grandson was upset that he didn’t invite him and suggest to not talk about said activities if they have no intentions on inviting the child…
Why chose the one timeframe that your son is present to mention it?I would be beyond annoyed.Does she and your son get along? That’s like bringing 11 cupcakes when you know there’s 12 kids…
They may have had that planned for the visiting kids. My dad has two grandkids 7 and 13 and only met my oldest once… Life goes on.
Communication is key in ALL relationships
They should have never mentioned it in front of him. Childish and rude of them to do so and then not ask him if he would like to go. Tell your father how that made you and him both feel. And move on. Nothing to dwell on for long unless they make it a habit to do such create plans and state them in front of him without asking if he would like to join. Good luck.
I can understand where you’re coming from completely and I would feel the same. Fair enough if they wanted to do their own thing but it’s a bit unfair to mention in front of your son if they had no intention of bringing him. No wonder your son is hurt, I’d have a quiet word with your dad about it and let him know that your son felt left out by it. It might not have been meant in a bad way but better to clear the air about it as things like that can fester. No mom wants their child upset
None of your business.
Your son has been…the other kids haven’t.
Should she have asked in front of him probably not but your kid wont be invited to everything…its not that hes not welcome…like i said hes been and they havent.
First and foremost I wanna say how refreshing it is to read something so true heartfelt I love how ur giving credit to the other kids calling them cute and actually saying they deserve to go to the theme park etc that’s nice to see for a change now with that being said yes I would be annoyed especially since they asked the other kids in front of urs that’s sad and they should wanna include all the grandkids or none but that’s just me and how I’m gonna grandparent when the time comes good luck hun maybe take him urself and make it a mommy and son day something he’ll cherish and remember forever
It shouldn’t have been brought up in front of him if they had no intention.
Like who does that to a child??
Youre not wrong at all.
Like they dont wanna invite him fine…but they couldve brought it up when he wasnt around.
Honestly seems like it was on purpose almost
I would have just said something to my father right away. I have a son and a step daughter so I’ve been through that many times. Both sets of grandparents know now if both my kids are around they are to treat them equally. I know it’s not the exact same but adults should understand kids don’t get there are different circumstances.
They’re allowed to spend time with others without other people…
And personally I think your son needs to be taught to be ok with that. I have a blended family. My kids get to do a lot of stuff that my step kids don’t; here and with their dad. And my step kids get to do a lot of stuff my kids don’t; here and with their mom.
They’re all allowed to talk about it as long as they’re not rubbing it in and being rude about like “ha ha! I got to do this and you didn’t!”
Id be mad it was brought up in front of my kid but I wouldn’t expect them to change their plans to add him. The time is about the niece and nephew.
I don’t think it was right of them to mention it in front of him if they weren’t going to include him. Thinking from your dad’s perspective, maybe they wanted to have a special trip with just them? Idk. Don’t jump to conclusions about things. But, yes I’d be pissed if it was mentioned in front of my child if there never was any intention for him to be included.
Wow. That’s mean and insensitive to the 8 year old. Like, it wouldn’t be a problem if they didn’t ask in front of the 8 year old.
You’re not wrong. They’re kinda being dicks.
I think they should of waited until he wasn’t there to ask them but he had been there before so it’s not like he was missing out on anything. They want to give them the attention that your son gets all the time from them. I think it was rude that your son called them and tried to invite himself there. You should sit down and explain to him that it’s their special time with them
Your dads gf is who you should be annoyed with.
If I were you I would ask my Dad is there a reason they didn’t ask him…may be a good reason…maybe Dad couldn’t afford another person this trip, maybe he didn’t know how well kids would interact could be a lot reasons…As far as asking in front him people do stupid thing discuss that with your Dad tell him next time not to do that…Sounds like your more hurt than your son and if you make big deal out it will just hurt your son more…Nothing wrong in asking Dad at right time…Your are a adult and so your dad have a adult conversation with him
We have a rule in our family. Grandparents treat Siblings the same, not cousins.
Your feeling are yours to have so there’s no question whether they are valid or not. But just remember Communication is key. Perhaps you could have said hey that sounds like fun maybe we will meet you guys there or perhaps just asked if they wouldn’t mind if he tagged along. Even as adults we sometimes forget to use our words and get caught up over thinking something so small. Im certain there was no lack of love going on there.
You always have a right to your feelings. It’s how you choose to express them that’s important. If it’s that important to you, then you should discuss (not accuse) this with your dad. Let him know you and your son were hurt. And that is important for him to be included in this new family dynamic.
I’d be annoyed they said in front of him… but not that he hasn’t been asked to go… sounds like he goes often if its his fave place
Personally, I would be a lil annoyed that she mentioned it in front of him cause I know my son would be disappointed and feel left out but ultimately, she’s not obligated to take your child… If it were me and I was able/could afford it, I would’ve asked if we could join and paid for ourselves.
Nope. You’re not in the right. She probably saw him and remembered that place existed. Your child doesn’t have to go every time they go.
Considering his age, I don’t think she she should have asked them in front of him. That wasn’t ok, but it is ok for them to want to spend quality time with other family members kids. I’d maybe casually say something to your dad that you understand them wanting to spend quality time with other kids, but could they maybe not do the invites in front of your son to places they know he really likes because his feelings were a little hurt and he felt left out.
I’d be SUPER PISSED !!! Should have never been mentioned in front of him if he wasn’t welcomed to go with them. I’d let them know that too!! Nip it in the bud now or this kind of💩will continue to happen!!
They never should have brought it up in front of your son if they didn’t have the intention to extend the invite. That’s hurtful to any child! Your feelings are valid.
I wouldn’t expect it. It was a special visit for them, and I teach my kids that everything is not about us and we are not owed to be part of everything. If the three kids were sitting there and they got ice cream for just 2, yes that would be mean, but on their special visit, making plans, they are allowd to make plans and not have it be an expectation that one is owed to go there too. Kids understand and respect that is we teach it and set that example.
That was not right at all that she invited them in front of your son. It was Intentional and rude of her. You said in your post he called and asked him if he could go what was their answer?
Could it be that he might have felt your son would have been left out by going? Being the other 2 were visiting and it was their first time all the attention would have went towards them? Also when we go to theme parks we try to keep it even numbers with the kids so everyone has a partner to play or ride with.
Guarantee that it comes up and they will say that you should have asked. Its disappointing I know… Also, expensive.
When it comes to how you feel, may you always know you are NEVER wrong - it’s how you feel & your feelings are valid. Own it
My thoughts on this are that they should never have mentioned Rainbow’s End in front of your son, if they weren’t intending to invite him along too. EVERY child loves to be included - they definitely could have handled this better & kinder.
I would feel exactly how you feel. It’s understandable. It’s normal.
My advice is to not dwell on it but to intentionally move on from it.
1 year from now, & ‘several trips to Rainbow’s End with your son’ later, this won’t even matter
Even though it wasn’t right to mention it in front of the child that doesn’t mean they’re isolating him it just means that at the moment they didn’t feel it necessary to ask him maybe they were doing something special there have been plenty of times where my children haven’t been invited to things it happens
Now would be a good time to tell your son that sometimes you can’t do everything the next person is doing. It’s okay to be upset. She shouldn’t have asked in front of him but she might not have thought it would hurt his feelings. Now if she has a problem with you or your son and done it trying to hurt him then it’d be different. My grandpa and his wife use to treat my siblings and I like crap all because his wife only liked her own kids and grandkids. We were never included in anything and if we did go visit for christmas we got a dollar toy sometimes while her grandkids got really expensive things. Of course we we’re hurt by it but we grew up as better people. Privately talk to your dad and his girlfriend and let rhem know it hurt his feelings and kindly ask them to not bring up certain things in front of him if he’s not included.
You’re Never Wrong For How You FEEL . But When You Actually Think About It And Rationalize The Situation . No One Is In The Wrong. This Can Be A Teaching Moment For You And Your Child. The Gf Is Allowed To Bring It Up . It’s Not Insensitive Or Rude. You’re Upset Bc Your Child Is Upset. I Don’t Think Your Dad Should Have To Feel Obligated To Take Him . That May Be Time He Wants To Spend With Just Her And Her Family . (Idk Just An Thought) . I Don’t Think Your Dad Should Be Made To Feel Guilty About That . You Said Your Son Been There Before. So It’s Okay That He Misses Out Once . He Experienced It.
Flat out rude to talk about plans in front of someone without including them. That’s just etiquette 101.
Whatever the family dynamic is- completely irrelevant.
I don’t think it should be expected for them to bring your son but it was also not appropriate to bring it up in front of your son if he wasn’t going to be invited. that’s like dangling food in front of a dogs face then giving it to another dog lol.
I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all. I would be pissed to. I would talk to your dad and letting him know it pissed you off and upset your son. And tell your father that you understand he doesn’t need to have your son all the time with other family members but it would be nice if he could not make plans in front of your son. Hope all goes well😊
It wasn’t right for her to say something in front of your son. However you can’t expect your dad to take your son to do everything with him. My kids are very close with my parents. But i don’t get mad every time they leave town without them. They are entitled to their own time and also entitled to do things with other family members.
Step grandma was the asshole for asking for in front of your son if you want friends and grandpa is an asshole for not stopping her
I agree with Courtney but I wouldn’t take one without the other being a grandparent!! But that’s me!
3 kids is hard to juggle at a theme park, especially for older people who are done raising little ones. Especially if they want to give extra attention to the kids they don’t see often. I don’t think mentioning in front of your son was the right thing to do but people forget how that effects children sometimes.
ehhhh i don’t think they were wrong. i mean i understand why he was disappointed but it sounds like your dads gf just knows your niece and nephew better and asked them first because of that. definitely shouldn’t have been said within earshot but i don’t think they were intentionally being cruel.
I would be pissed. If they wanted time with the other 2 they should have asked in privet. Poor guy probably is so upset
As a mom, whose kid gets left out of everything… I completely get where you are coming from!!
It’s ok to be pissed.
But move on, bc honestly… what’s done is done. And they don’t feel the least bit bad about it. Just keep making memories with your son!
The girlfriend shouldn’t have talked about it in front of an uninvited child, but it’s not wrong to plan something with just the two kids from the same family. If this had been handled tactfully, you wouldn’t even know about it.
Girlfriend obviously shouldn’t have asked in front of your son.
As for not inviting him you can’t expect your son to be invited to everything. I understand he doesn’t understand that but have a sit down with him. Let him know Grandpa still loves him.
You should be annoyed at his girlfriend and bring it up to her attention
I’d be annoyed. But maybe they just weren’t mindful of asking while in front of your child. If the grandpa and your child have a really close relationship, I doubt he meant to do it on purpose.
They just should be mindful next time.
It deserves a discussion, at least.
I would just talk to your dad he might not even have realized what took place people make mistakes maybe
If they weren’t inviting him they shouldn’t have said anything in front of you or you kiddo that’s messed up! Kids don’t understand exclusions like that it makes them feel like they’re being punished/have done something wrong
I’ve never not included any child that was near or asked to go. That’s fucked up and cruel in my opinion. If I took my daughter somewhere and her sisters asked to go I’d be taking them. A child doesn’t know the difference. And as a child who NEVER got invited or watched my siblings get to do stuff and I didn’t it really made an impact on me growing up. Sure there’s times where one kid gets to do something the other doesnt. But It doesn’t mean ask in front of the child.
You should have talked it out when it happened, why wait and let it fester?
Id be annoyed. Id talk to your dad and his gf and tell them if they make plans that dont include your son not to mention them in front of him. Its ok that they want to go with just the neices but dont bring it up in front of your son it makes him feel left out.
If you mention anything like that in front of kids you include them all, never exclude. Be it going to a theme park OR asking if they want a treat (eg go for ice cream).
Set them all straight
My husbands stepmom hated her grandkids (because they told me all the awful things she did to them when they would go around, they don’t even call her grandma but her first name). Anyhow my kids only met their grandfather once so when we moved close to them my then 7 year old wanted to hang out and get to know him. But here comes grandma of the year suddenly loves her grandkids and convinces my husbands father that they need a “male figure” in their life. Hes a dumb man so he didn’t see what she was doing… So my son was ignored so he could hang with her grandson. The minute we moved back home the grandkids stopped hanging with them. It was a really shitty tactic to keep my child away. And us in general. You have every reason to be upset.
Depends if he gets excluded all the time or if this is a one off thing? Maybe she wants to spend some time with her bf and her side of the family. Maybe she doesn’t get to see them all the time.
Not to be mean but you really don’t have a reason to be upset. Your dad’s plans are just that: his plans. People talk all the time while in their own home. The fact that you expected your son to be invited is where the your problem starts. Stop expecting your son to be included in everything and be appreciative for when he is included.
I’d be upset if they didn’t invite my kid to something they were talking about in front of him. You’re not being ridiculous.
Men don’t think like women do. If she made the plans with her family he might not have thought to include your son cause it wasn’t his invite to give out. If that makes sense. But it was definitely rude to say it in front of your son especially him being so young.
I would have been upset
I’m annoyed at the girlfriend. Grrr hahaha This is a no-brainer. Or maybe on a kinder note, just talk to her and make her realize it’s rude to do it, be it in front of a child or an adult. She needs to know, else she might do it again “unknowingly.” (Really annoyed ) As for the boy, talk to him and explain that grandpa loves him so much, and maybe setup something for them. Kid is old enough to remember this and we want to avoid kids getting scarred as much as we can.
feel like your being ridiculous. they can do things with it your son
It’s not fair that they mentioned it in front of him when you know a child absolutely wants to do something or enjoys it or loves it or could possibly want to go and you can’t or don’t want to take them don’t bring it up in front of them. If they plan to go that’s fine but if they didn’t want to ask him to go they shouldn’t have said it in front of him I would talk to your dad about it and explain it to him.
Oh my word. This feel likes my life. Definitely shouldn’t have been mentioned in front of your son and they should have asked him to go with. Done. Isn’t he a grandson as well? What makes the other two more special regardless if they are cute and adorable.
Things like this will stay with your child forever. Better to nip it in the butt right now. I still have issues because I was never taken on holidays or parties etc when I was younger but the rest of the family was taken on trips etc.
Your feelings are very understandable. Perhaps you can schedule trips with your dad and son.
I undestand that you are upset that your son has been excluded, however your dad did not issue the invitation. Maybe next time just tell the girlfriend that it was hurtful to issue an invite in front of your son and exclude him.
I think you are being precious about it tbh. The other kids have never been and your son has! Let the other kids enjoy the time. Bet they don’t see the neices and nephews as much as their grandson.
My family think of nothing to talk about stuff they are going to do in front of my kids and they NEVER invite them to go along or even ask me if we would like to go. Believe me it hurts, hurts a lot. My kids get left out on a lot of stuff. And they ask me why. There has been 3 Christmas parties this year in our family. And my kids where not invited to none of them. The reason is I have 4 kids and I don’t drive. No one has room for us. I am sorry I had 4 kids. Not my fault. I was not trying for 4.
Absolutely you have a right to be annoyed. There was no need to mention it in front of your son.
I’d tell them!
Lol if you want your kid to be there, then maybe you should’ve brought him. It’s a theme park, assuming that costs money, it’s your responsibility to offer buying the extra ticket regardless of them having had the conversation.
Keeley Wall this is very similar to what my girls went through, everyone says the same as we did so least we know we was in the right xx
Maybe they can only afford the two kids or have the energy for two and dont know if you can go or afford to go
Plus I feel like that’s something they gotta ask you before hand cause what if you say no