So I am engaged to my SO and father of my five-week-old son, I am currently a stepmother to a beautiful 6yo girl also. I don’t have a good history with the BM because we don’t see eye to eye on many different things. With that being said, my stepdaughter has been super congested and sick on and off for well over a month. She has constantly said that she’s either been to the doctor and that she’s fine or that she’s been on medicine and that she isn’t contagious or some other excuse. This past week and weekend, she stayed over at our house for the weekend, and before she came over, I asked her if she was 110% healthy because, again, my son is only five weeks old. And she assured me that she was fine. When she came over Friday night, she seemed fine, so I figured that BM told me the truth. Then Saturday morning hit. She had the worst sounding cough, and it didn’t go away, and the same thing happened Sunday morning… fast forward to yesterday morning, I woke up with the baby and he was congested and coughing. So I sucked the boogies out of his nose and watched him closely until that night when he DRASTICALLY took a turn. We took him to the hospital, and he ended up being okay after several hours of waiting and plenty of tests being ran… my SO reached out to his BM this morning (1/29) and told her that she should take her to the doctor again or let him take her and now she’s SWEARING that she’s fine and that we are overreacting. Is it right for me to feel like she doesn’t care about my son’s health? Or his well-being? I honestly feel like she was very reckless sending their daughter over knowing that we had a newborn and that their daughter was still sick.
Imo you are being dramatic. Kids get sick esp in winter. Can’t not see her because she is sick.
My daughter was “sick” last year from November-April. Off and on. When your in school theres no avoiding the germ pool. Let me ask you this…if she kept her home would you then be bitching about not seeing her on your time?
in my honest opinion, just because you and BM don’t get along, let your husband talk to her. i would be PISSED if someone let their kid around mine sick, but l feel like she will twist it like well my daughter needs to see her dad blah blah
The child has to see her dad sorry but if you had siblings for your son would you send them away when Poorly course you wouldn’t same rules apply suck it up
I don’t personally see a problem. I see where you’re coming from. But if the SD was full time living with you, what would you do if she is sick? I have a SD who lives with us full time and a bio who is now 10 months and I’m pregnant. It’s tough having sick kids around. But your SD is family and if it’s your weekend she shouldn’t be kept away. That’s just how I see it.
Y’all need to take her to the dr, the bm doesn’t have to care about YOUR sons health, but she obviously doesnt care about her daughter’s so step up and get her care. Kids get sick. Daddy can take initiative too instead of losing time with his kid because shes sick
Yes you are wrong. If your fiancé had full custody, you wouldn’t be able to just kick her out because she’s sick. You can be irritated with BM if you think she isn’t managing the child’s illness, but you can’t bar your fiancés flesh and blood child because she is sick.
I mean it’s definitely an inconvenience but we don’t just stop seeing our kids because they are sick lol
Why is her father not able to take her to the doctor? And also why can a child not come spend time with her father while being sick if she’s not running a fever I don’t see the issue it’s winter time people are congested as I’m assuming this new baby is your first child. And it’s not sitting very well with me that you said you are currently a stepparent. What do you mean by currently if you’re going to be marrying her father you are going to be a stepparent and she’s going to be with you sick and healthy that’s part of the package
Kids get sick… It’s normal. You are a soon to be parent of 2 kids. You can’t kick one out when one’s sick and the other one isn’t.
Your husband does not get to take time off because his kid is sick. Sorry.
Who do you think normally takes care of your step daughter when she’s sick? BM does. You don’t get to stop parenting because your child is sick. Your husband shouldn’t want to either. If she was your daughter would you send her away to someone else’s house because she was sick and you had a new baby? She didn’t send her daughter on a play date. She literally sent her daughter to her father.
Dad should be taking care of sick child too not just the mother…so what should she do only send the child when shes not sick… idk… I think her Father should take her to the Dr himself because that’s parenting responsibilities bit that’s just me
I think if it’s a court order child care situation that the child should come over either way. Yes it’s sucks that she’s sick and it’s not the best idea for her to be around the baby but if she was in school and was yours, you wouldn’t be so upset. I think you are projecting not agreeing with the mother on the child. The child will feel like you think she isn’t welcomed at your house and that’s not something you’d want. She will think the baby is more important.
Im stuck on why Dad needs permission to take his child to the doctor?
Your SO can deny visitation. The BM is just following the custody agreement. She is not “sending” your step-daughter. She is following court order. Kids have lingering cold symptoms and its no big deal. This is the first time in countless your little one will be sick. You are over reacting, if its this important to you have your SO deny to see his daughter.
If it’s his time to have his child, then it’s his time to have his child. It’s when you have to lysol the house and it sounds like something that can’t use a doctor for anyway and just have to ride out. I think you have to do what any parent does when another sibling in the house is sick, lots of handwashing, lysol, disinfectant, and sanatizer. You’re not a daycare you’re another home this child resides at.
If it your own daughter what would u do w her if she was sick. Keep her w you at home. No difference. Never missed a visit w my stepson in 18 years. Sick or not. I even took him to the doctor if needed. He was mine just like my others
You’re in control of your own emotions, a lot of crap is going around so the child can’t help it. Just make sure he or she covers their mouth and keep stuff clean so it doesn’t spread.
Kids get sick, you’re overreacting.
Hahah then dont have a second kid. Kids get sick and spread germs. Just because a kid is sick doesnt mean they should not be able to have their visits with the other parent. If your that worried take her to the dr
You are totally wrong. She is your child too. She has a right to be there sick or not. I don’t get to send my kids away when they are sick so they don’t infect my little ones.
Why can’t he just take her himself?
Well if the ER said she was OK then it very well may be she had a cold and was really OK. She is also the child of your baby daddy and he should be able to take care of HIS child when she has a cold. You dont get to make those rules. She’s a child of the household and it may should harsh but Dad gets his turn with the good and the bad.
Im conflicted, my husband and his ex never made custody plans set in stone, and my kids all had the stomach flu, and so we talked to her and explained how we didnt want to get my step daughter sick, so it was safer to just take an extra day the following weekend, and I was called selfish. I think it really just depends honestly, how bad is the sickness, is she ablento understand she cant hold the baby? Is she taking antibiotics? Because a 5 week old gettin sick can have major consequences…but you should always be informed of the sickness and everything about it before anything.
No. I would of asked she stay home. this is something that is always bugging me about visitations we shouldn’t be spreading illness over such stupid reasons they can always go to their dads at another time
Wow that does suck it’s not fair to the mom either dad still should take the sick child just do lots of handwashing and quarantining
Soooo when u have another child of ur own are u gonna make the oldest leave every time they get sick? Thats what happens when u have more than 1 child 🤦 u should have taken precautions at ur home i.e. not letting her kiss on the baby, cough etc near baby.
Your fiancés daughter shouldn’t be kept away from her father just because she is sick. 
U can never be to cautious with a child.farher should take her anyway if she’s sick
Well as a parent, you don’t get to pick and choose when you want to take your kid. If it’s the dad’s time to have his kid, then you get them plain and simple. Doesn’t matter if they’re sick, fine, happy, sad … it’s a parents time to take care of their kid and spend time with them. Not sure how you’d get mad at someone for this. If you were a daycare and someone brought their kid to you sick is one thing, but when it’s your SO parenting time with their kid it doesn’t matter. Quit being a drama queen and making it all about you and YOUR kid if there’s another kid involved
You should be upset with the dad. He should’ve taken her to the dr, then you all would’ve had peace of mind about diagnosis
Baby is 5 weeks old and you’re already trying to push his daughter away
Your husband can’t parent a sick child? His time, his obligation. It’s not fair of you to ask BM to give up her weekend. She gets 4 days a month kid free, which means you only have his daughter 4 days a month and you want him to give up what little time he has. Ugh… this is why stepmoms get bad raps.
You don’t get to stop being a parent just because your kids sick. What if she lived there full time? Would you send her off every time she had a bad cough? No. I also have an infant and a SD and sometimes she doesn’t feel great or gets sick while here. Just a part of being parents, she’s as much our responsibility as she is her moms and her mom shouldn’t be the only person who has to deal with sick days.
If your son was sick would you send him away or off to his dads til he gets better? If the answer is no, then it should be the same for you step child. Why treat her differently because she’s not biologically yours.
To answer your question: YES YOU ARE WRONG
yous should have taken the daughter to the doctors yourself when she woke coughing like that… or ya know take preventive measures while the daughter was there… like washing hands and shared surfaces … the baby getting sick is on you IMO… I have 2 sick kids at home atm and a 7 month old baby who isn’t sick cause I tell my kids stay away from your sister, use this sanitizer, wash your hands, don’t cough near your sister and don’t touch her toys.
Having a sick child is normal in the winter and it’s actually ok for them because it builds up their immunity for later in years. Parenting doesn’t stop with only one parent even if not together.
She’s your SO’s kid. If she’s sick you don’t just refuse to see her, you just take precautionary measures like keeping her away from the baby until she’s better. You don’t just not allow her in your house. And I pray you haven’t made the poor girl feel like it’s her fault your baby is sick.
Why is the father asking to take the child to be seen? If the child is sick and she is in y’all’s care … TAKE THE DAMN KID TO BE SEEN … Why is that a hard concept to grasp?
You have every right to be upsey,youve got a 5 week old baby and too much stuff is going around these days,that’s the last thing your baby needs is to get something. Beat thing I can say is to keep the daughter away from the baby tell her not too touch hum go near him and to at least put a face mask on when in the same room,kids dont know how to cover their mouths when they couch. Sinus infections arent contagious,so there is no way the baby is fine or the little girl is if its continuing past a month… maybe she’s allergic to something in the air… if your house is warm at night and day,try getting a cool mist humidifier… I have terrible sinus infections and my son does too,we bought a cool mist humidifier and it works wonders,sometimes my son will have sinus infections and we can definitely tell when we dont turn on the humidifier too… dont get a heat humidifier if your house is already warm day and night the last thing you need it more heat and that will keep his nose and sinuses dry
Can’t just drop responsibility of a kid because they have a cough. I’ve been the BM in this situation and it’s actually shite. Kids aren’t an option, you won’t put your 5 week old elsewhere if he got sick for the sake of the 6yo.
I’m sorry but this is a very immature mentality. If she lived with you full time what would you do? If you and your SO decided to have another baby would you send your child to stay with someone else if he was sick? You don’t get to turn on and turn off being a parent, it is his child whether she is sick or not. When you chose to be with someone and start a life with someone who has a child you became a bonus MOM to his child, you don’t get to decide when he is a parent. If it is an ongoing issue take her to the ER or he can call her primary Dr and verify through them. If I was BM, I would be pissed and putting both of you in your place as her mother. I have 3 kids and 3 bonus kids, you learn to handle and manage how to handle your kids around each other when 1 of them is sick. Research how to handle it. Or ask for advice on having a newborn with a sick child, not if you are valid in being upset about it.
While u were at the hospital with your son why dodnt you have his daughter looked at?? I see you’re upset BUT. what happens when your son is a bit older and you decide to have another child and your son gets sick…siblings thing mama! If shes supposed to be with her dad and shes sick, thems the brakes
Why should it only be BM problem if her daughter is sick, dad still has responsibilities too and there’s nothing stopping him taking her to the doctors while she’s with you. Even with a baby in a house that is just the life of having multiple kids
If you had a 6 year old who was biologically yours & your 5 week old son your not going to send your daughter elsewhere out of your home for being sick are you? No.
Yes. You’re wrong. And petty. And sound rather bitter
Broad STFU. She’s his kid. He better not turn her away while sick. If you feel that strongly about it, take her the Dr y’all selves… Duh.
Dumbass
What do you think happens in households with multiple kids full time and one is sick… 
Are you going to send your son away when he’s sick? This is ridiculous!!!
So, why couldn’t the dad take her to the doctor? Esp since you were already there with the 5wk old…
What will you do when you have another child and their sibling gets sick? Send them to a sitter until they are better??? Kids get sick…most kids have siblings, friends, etc. And why didn’t dad take her to the doctor if he was so concerned?
She can stay in her room and not touch the baby.
It makes total sense as a first time mom for you to react in this way. however, if it wasn’t your stepdaughter that got your baby sick it would have been someone else. babies get sick all the time and they live through colds all the time, even bad coughs. yes it seems scary, but it really is OK. I would do everything you can to not make the six-year-old feel guilty.
If u had more than one kid often they infect each other cant parm your kids of to a freind for a week cuz they have a cold and a baby brother you have deal with it, you are wrong x
Wait. So she cant see her father, because you have a new baby and shes sick? Why didnt YOU take action and take her to the doctor as precaution?
If you have another child what are you going to do with your current 5 week old? Ship him off so he can’t get the baby sick? Being sick as a child helps build the immune system which will help your son NOT get severely ill in the future from a simple cold. Also, why can’t dad take his daughter to the doctor? He has full rights to seek medical care for his child just as the mother does. If you and him have concerns then he needs to take his daughter to the doctor.
Is anyone else tired of these step parents on here? (The ones asking these CRAZY questions, not all step parents)
Like LORD! 
EVERY time I see a post from a step parent it’s complaining about stuff they wouldn’t complain about if the child was biologically theirs. 
Don’t marry a man with kids if you can’t handle it. It isn’t fair to his children.
I would be very upset! Every time I have a newborn I will send my other children to my parents house if they are sick, especially this time of year! It is life threatening to newborns to get colds especially during RSV/flu season! There are so many other days of the week/month/year that children can spend with their parents, and yes, my children come from a “broken” home. You have to look at the bigger picture and everyone involved!
This is life when 2 kids live in a house. It sucks, but it’s not a kid you’re babysitting, it’s a kid that needs their father too, even when she’s sick and isn’t solely the mom’s responsibility.
- Why can’t your SO take her to the doctor.
- If your baby was taken to the doctor, and they said he was fine, that’s the same thing BM said about her child, so what else do you expect her to do?
- You can’t just stop seeing your kids because they’re sick.
If she’s sick again, take her to the doc. Don’t let her hold the baby/breathe in its face. Make her wash her hands frequently.
That’s all you can do… Passing germs back and forth is pretty much unavoidable with children. It happens.
Yikes.
Kids get sick. It’s scary when they’re young but there’s not much you can do about it. Your husbands daughter has as much right to be there with you guys on her days.
If her being sick is that bothersome to you, take her yourself?
YOU ARE THE STEP MOM WHICH MEANS YOH ARE MOM TOO! You get up take her to immediate care. Why blame your daughter it’s not her fault she’s sick, she’s a kid! Kids get sick! Suck it up. A lot of moms have two kids! Get over yourself. And the baby being sick could just be this time of year!!!
As a mom of 4(one being a step child), yes it sucks that your step child came over sick with your newborn there, but if its your SOs time its his time. My daughter has 2 older brothers in school, my own bio son has came home sick, and my step son has came over sick. Did my 3 yr old and at the time newborn get sick, yup they did. But germs are every where. If she was your bio kid living there amd got sick, would you honestly keep her in one room, or send her away to avoid your newest getting sick? If you guys are that concerned, take his daughter to the dr and see why she has been consistently sick, other tha n that, buy her some multivitamins, and your self some. And prsctice good hand washing. Kids get sick…
If i messaged my husbands ex saying i didnt want her son here if he is sick, id probably get told to go f my self… and rightly so, he is a part of my family as much as my kids, and when its dads time its his time. Just gotta preach hand washing, no touching baby, and covering mouths.
So if you had a 6 yr old bio daughter, you’d send her away when she’s sick? Or take care of her and do everything in your power to keep baby healthy at the same time?
This “step-mom” considers her child more important than his other daughter. I’m sorry but if it was her daughter, would she kick her out of the house because she was sick? Kids get sick. It happens. Do everything you can to get them well and keep them isolated from the other kid.
Also, if they were so concerned, dad could have taken her to the doctor any day she was there. He didn’t.
My youngest has allergy issues, we’ve had numerous times where she’s fine during the day and congested in the morning. When this happens she’s not contagious. It’s entirely possible she’s not worried because she’s taken her daughter to the doctor and been told it’s nothing.
You’re jealous and quite frankly immature, I feel sorry for this little girl
We deal with this as well. Take the 6 yo to the doctor yourself.
His child should not be kept away because she’s sick. That’s ignorant. Just keep her away from the baby while she is sick, make sure she covers her mouth and make sure you all wash your hands frequently. Get some Lysol and disinfect throughout the day too.
I think y’all are being really hard on her some of these comments are rude
Oh geez,
I cant with this one.
This made me sad just reading it. I never sent my own kids away while sick just because I had a newborn. And if you have another child you won’t either. So think of that “step” child as your own child, and be a parent to that child and take care of them even if sick. Your SO has equal responsibility to his child, yes even when they are sick
Parenting time happens regardless of sickness.
This really a question? Some people are so entitled and I mean the stepmom!!
I don’t get to pick and choose when I care for my kids, sick or not. It’s part of being a parent.
Didn’t go through the comments so I’m sure it’s been said… yes you have a step daughter that you and your fiancée need to take care of as well. You shouldn’t be asking the 6 year old if she is sick. Call the mother or have your fiancé call. A 6 year old doesn’t know. Make amends because the kids don’t need to be caught in the middle. And you definitely don’t want the 6 year old to feel any certain way because your child is there. Kids get sick, we’re wonderful mommas and we take care of them. That’s something we should all be on the same page about.
I would be upset with your baby being as small as he is. Next time it happens I would just keep the baby as separated as possible from the little girl. It’s not fair to her to just not let her come see her dad.
Lmao wtf kind of drugs are you on? Kids are petri dishes of viruses. Get over it.
What… am I even reading? 
Shes his child. He should take her to the doctor! yes it’s wrong for you to be upset about it. Kids get sick all the time. Shes in school, it happens.
Sorry love, just how it works when you have more than 1 child. And that’s what this is. She’s his child whether sick or not.
You can’t just say “keep her home on his weekend” just because she is sick. (Not saying you said that) but that’s what it sounds like you wanna say. Even if she did keep the child home y’all could cry “oh she’s keeping her from my husband” or some horse pucky. Kids get sick, especially during the cold weather. Lysol wipes and spray what you can’t wash and keep her out of the baby’s face if she is ever sick. Shit happens. Some kids get sick fast so the mom saying she was fine could really be the truth.
Yes you are in the wrong. One day you’ll be in those same shoes, fighting a lingering sickness and you be using all those same “excuses” as you call then. If she wasn’t coughing on Friday and it started Saturday that should tell you something. You can’t predict when kids will get sick or start to have symptoms. Get over yourself.
What if you had another kid and they were sick? You’re not going to send them away until they are better. It definitely sucks. I would go buy medicine to give her while she is with you and send it home with her to make sure she has some. I get being upset over the baby getting sick, but she is part of the family and it will happen. Also her dad shouldn’t need permission to take his child to the doctor.
Keep your baby away from sibling best you can is all I can say. We have been fighting colds and flus and stomach bugs since Thanksgiving. Had my baby on the 3rd of October. His 3 year old sister gets very upset and sad when we tell her to leave brother alone so that doesnt work. It’s how the world works and you just have to adjust sorry
That’s part of being a parent. The shitty part about this is the child isn’t being treated not that the daughter was sent.
You’re concern should be the health of both children. Instead you’re focused only on yours, ot doesn’t matter how you and BM get along. These are kids.As a mom your comment would bother me.
Sorry but that’s just how it works. If my 5 year old got sick i wouldn’t be sending her away so my 3 year old doesn’t catch it. Lysol, the house down 
This might be something your man might have to deal with. I have 4 kids (3 are with my ex), he has 2 with his wife and she has 2 from a previous marriage. They were all school age. I hated that all the gunk would be passed around and kids would be missing school. If my kids were sick, I didn’t send them to his house several times because I didn’t want his twins and everyone else getting it. Sometimes he took them anyway, but it was his decision. As shitty as our relationship was things were pretty easy going and I could just talk to him.
My cousins baby ended up in the hospital for the first 3 weeks of his life because someones sick kid touched him. You have every right to be upset. Fuck these other people.
I mean where would you send your sick child if you had two kids your OVERREACTING to say the least and i would be Pissed if my child’s father called with this shit
Wow. That is your step daughters home also. I have kids. When one kid gets sick you try your best to keep them apart. You took your baby to the hospital and he was fine. You can’t shun your step daughter and tell her she can’t see this dad this weekend because you care about your son more. When your step daughter was sick you didn’t take her to the dr. When your son got sick you took him to the hospital.
More of a jealousy issue and your taking it out on the kids. Get over it. You sound jealous in your typing. Would you send the new born out if he was sick? No? Then dont do it too his sister. She doesn’t deserve that at all.
Maybe daddy should have got her checked out too…while yall had your baby at the dr…js
Take her to the doctor. What do you think parents of more than one child do?
My daughter gets a virus from school, the whole house gets that virus.
That’s life when there is more then one kid. What would you do if he had full custody? 
Wow!! 
Really just… WOW!
Would you sent your own child away that was sick because of a new baby? Why haven’t you or her father taken her to the doctor rather than just leave it up to mom?
My step kids stayed away from my baby when they washed hands and we were really careful. I think life happens you need to roll with it, unfortunately baby got sick. Get sorta used to it, they get kids sick in school, and church, from the store. Honestly the baby will get sick at some point. Its how you deal with it that counts. My baby just came home from the hospital, and 3 kids wanted to see their brother badly, I just made sure I had set up so he wouldn’t get sick.
I dont think you’re wrong but I don’t think you’re right either. I understand why it bothers you because you’re scared that your baby is going to get sick. I have a 6 month old little girl who was 2 months early. When she was first born my fiance’s son would come to us sick almost every week and I was also scared. His mom would never tell us about him being sick until we noticed when we picked him up and refused to bring him to the doctors. Hes 5 and in kindergarten so honestly I wasnt shocked. Kids just starting school and in kindergarten/1st grade are always more prone to getting sick. They’re being exposed to new germs and lots of other children so getting sick more frequently is normal. Children are building their immune systems more at this age as they get use to it. 
dont keep that little girl away. If you’re worried take her to the doctor yourself. You cant always rely on the mom to do things. It’s called coparenting for a reason. Also if your babys sick try zarbees. It’s all natural and works great!(check the age limit first I cant remember what it is off the top of my head). You need to step up and do things for BOTH children. She may not be yours by blood but that little girls looking up to you and looking to you for help to especially when shes sick.
Ummm what would you do if you had an older child and a baby & the older child gets sick? Would you not allow them in your home until they’re well because the baby might get sick too? Yes, you’re overreacting! When your husband’s daughter is at your home and is sick, keep her away from the baby, make her wash her hands, you and dad wash your hands, use lysol and cleaning wipes on hard surfaces…the usual things you would do to keep from spreading germs. Your baby is only 5 weeks old and you’re already making that child more of a priority than your husband’s child…I hope this isn’t what this little girl has to look forward to with you as a step mother.