If your son is two and bio dad has never had any physical contact with him, your boyfriend can adopt him. They will serve the bio dad with termination of rights papers and he will either HAVE to show up on court and petition to keep his rights, or they’ll terminate and your boyfriend can adopt. The courts usually will not terminate rights for being an absent parent unless someone else is willing to adopt tho.
Here in Pa if your bf agrees to adopt him, father can sign over rights. Not every state will let you just terminate rights
He is your son father, that will never change. Even if he signs over his rights. Your son has a right to him, even if you don’t want this. And if you don’t, you might regret it later on. Your son is only 2, he will not remember this. But set rules, if his dad is suppose to be there by such & such time, give him 15 minutes. If he doesn’t call to say he is running due to traffic/ accident/ work. Then don’t expect him . Don’t tell your son ‘daddy’s coming’ until he is there.
But remember never say anything bad about him. Now or ever, that also will back fire…on you !! Again if he is suppose to be at the house to pick him up at a certain time, wait about 15 minutes, unless he calls & tells you he is running late. Don’t expect him to show up & continue on with your normal day
I don’t blame you. I would talk to a lawyer about having his rights taken away and see if your boyfriend could adopt your son. If he is doing that stuff there is no sense in your son getting to know him and if your son already knows your boyfriend as dad then biological dad might as well not have his rights or an option of deciding when he wants to see your son or have pictures/anything that has to do with your son.
Document everything that’s happened, and noe just leave him be, he’s not interested… you’ve tried but it’s him that needs to try… I wouldn’t waste my time
Get rid of him. What the hell are you playing with your son’s emotions.
You tried. It’s not your responsibility out of court order to deal with his bs .
He needs to step up and clearly isnt and u don’t have to deal with it but also not good for your kid. He can step up instead of free riding off ur kindness
Grow up or f off
Ur not wrong
Your not wrong, sounds like U might be doing the right thing for your baby, the so called father sound like a loser.
Still his father and he will wonder why you kept him from him (even if that’s not the case) and you’ll have more of a problem. Oh and unless you’re married he should not call your boyfriend daddy. THAT messes kids up long term
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Document and take him to court for abandonment.
No you are not wrong he had too many failed promises. Tell him if he wants to see his child go to court and get a court set order for visitation I have seen too many kids minds get messed with dads or moms not showing up the children thinks it’s their fault that the other parent didn’t show so have bio dad set a court date to get visitation set up
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I wouldn’t tell him anything. Just block him. He’s not interested in your child. He’s just enjoying keeping you tied down to him in a way. If he really wants to see your son he can file for rights. His lack of paying child support & inconsistency will come into play. (people will tell you visitation & child support are seperate. In a way it is but judges still consider it.)
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Thought he’d never met him.then he pops up
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Tell bio crap that he can petition court, and have a judge set the boundaries and rules.this way he is having to follow those guess dlines… the same letters s for child support. Thishelpstomake him responsible and show how he wants to be involved don’t allow him on your social medial pages.but allow him to have a phone number to contact you.yoi deserve your own personal privacy.
You making your child the priority makes you an amazing mother! My ex-husband and I split up, and not that he was an amazing father to begin with, but this is exactly how he would act. He would go months without any contact, then pop back in and wanna be involved. We would make plans, he would back out at the last minute or just “no call/no show”. After watching my (then) 3/4 year old heartbroken, I put a stop to it. Now, we’re in the process of my husband adopting her. Her biological father has no contact, doesn’t now, nor has he ever paid child support. He refuses to sign his rights over, so we’re petitioning the courts on grounds of abandonment. I say you’re doing the right thing. That child doesn’t need someone in his life who is inconsistent and doesn’t make him any kind of priority.
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No, you are not a bad mom. You have given that man time and energy he does not deserve. Block him in every way possible. He is not a dad or a father figure, but a DNA donor.
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No you are not had same problem with my sons dad it’s only keeping him confused he will never be dad to your son cut him out unless he gets a lawyer and does right
Fuck em don’t traumatiz your son especially because he hardly knows him and it seems he has some unresolved feelings you never know what he is capable of doing and he can say he is your baby’s father but that is just a title he holds for him to be dad he should of been an active part of his life instead of acting like a father when it suits him!!!
Its not in your sons best interests to do this now. If his dad loves him, try your best to maintain that in any way you can. Even if you just allow him to come spend time with his son…if you can look at your son and say you tried everything and just couldn’t make it healthy relationship then you know it’s time…if you can’t say you really tried to help maintain a father son bond then don’t do it
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“owes thousands in support” so you have been to Court already…usually there is some visitation ordered at that point…
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In some states they will terminate the fathers rights. You have to do what’s best for your child. I would contact an attorney and see what can be done and i know in some states you can have the fathers rights terminated and still get child support. And there is nothing wrong with your child calling your bf daddy. He is the one that stepped up to the plate. Your child will see it all later in life and appreciate you and your bf. Best of luck to you and your child! Hugs 
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Go for abandonment. Get his parental rights terminated. His in and out will mess with your son
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He’s playing mind games. You are not a bad person at all and sound like an incredible mother for always putting your babe first!!! I wouldn’t want to deal with that and sounds as though he’s had plenty of chances.
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If he goes to a lawyer and done get set visitation the choice is no longer yours.
Being honest with your son is best my brother found out at 18 my dad wasnt his and it hurt him and his trust with my mom they never fixed their relationship. Anything can happen and your boyfriend could leave 5 years from now how do you tell him then… Just a lot to think about and good luck
if you kept records like writing down days and times of him saying o e thing and doing the opposite and present it in court you might be able to file a motion to request his parental rights terminated. also if he really is way behind in child support the courts should already know that. you need to consult a lawyer and take it from there.
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yes keep notes if and when comes to see from the time come to your door picking up to dropping and if does not go to court dates,times, get a lawyer for all this .even document if late no the child support end to. but glad my ex isnt in daughters life hasnt been for a long time only because wasnt getting his way and didnt show up to court on time.showed half hr later as i was walking out and denied
No!!! First off, never take an action against your child’s father. That just makes you “the bad guy”. Second, he’s going to drop out of their lives anyway, so don’t count on him for anything.
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No you are not wrong. I mean if he wants to video chat and prove himself slowly sure but inconsistency is a heartbreak for children
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Same story as mine. I was told by my sons father he will pick him up today in the morning. It’s 5pm+ and still no showing up or even a text. His only 2. Kids know who is there and he will see. Take care of your son and give him all the love and he will thank you when he is grown. Trust me kids see it all.
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One year with no contact with your child is legally abandonment.
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I had this same problem with my oldest sons father. I told him the last time he contacted me that if you gonna be in and out DO NOT even worry about my son because he gets attached and then you disappear!! He hasn’t contacted me since and that was last year. My son has a stepfather who loves him to death so he’s not doing without a father at all. And it got to me because my son has a half sister who is a few months older than him and the father has something to do with her but not my son🤷🏻♀️ but just tell him that if he’s gonna be in and out then don’t bother at all, he has 2 parents🥰
I disagree with people who say you have no choice if he actually decides to go for visitation and blah blah…consistency is important…when i left my ex i told him i would never keep him away from my son as long as he was consistent…well when he decided to raise his now wifes daughter…he began distancing himself and i no longer gave him the rite to play mind games with my baby. My son knows he has a dad (who i say we love) but he has a new family and thats ok…and he is good with that but also ready for a new dad. Just don’t be negative but protect your baby
I did it for my eldest daughter. He hurt her from flaking all the time so I said no more. It’s been the best decision for her. My husband (step dad) told her your dad loves you but he doesn’t know how to be a dad. Since that it’s been peaceful . You have to do what you have to , to protect your child.
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You get a lawyer and call the shots since he really has no interest in his child limit visitation you can require supervised visits only since he doesnt bother ive been through it you deserve to be happy with your boyfriend that truely cares and has been there for you
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Cut him off. That’s not a father.
Put your child’s well being first and foremost! Do what’s best for your child!
No. Cut him of now! Being a parent is an amazing thing and to those who don’t want to experience it then 
My daughter is almost 7 and dad has never been consistent. It breaks her heart and my heart to see it happen to her. I’ve cut contact. It’s just me and her.
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My daughter hasn’t seen her biological father since she was 2 she will be 7 in a couple months. I always tried to get him to see her and he always had some excuse. He ended up raising some other woman’s son and having another daughter with her. My daughter has my now husband and she calls him daddy as he is also the father of my son and he is all she knows. I wish my husband could adopt her.
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Dont tell your son ahead of time if he says hes coming. My son now is an adult traumatized by a father that did that to him as a child, then died without saying he was sorry…my son is now full of internal anger he cant Express. Also just dont talk down about the father to the son.it is what it is and dont hurt your son by telling jim that his father is a loser and dosent care about him. If he asks just tell him you dont know why he is the way he is. Just dont give him any reason to think he isnt good enough for his own dad to love him… if he asks questions answer in a way that maybe you dont undersrand why he stays away. If he dosent ask.say nothing. Let him know he will always be loved and he is awesome.
Better jump first & get that custody agreement from a JUDGE!
Have his rights terminated & have your boyfriend adopt him.
Bio dad could very well get unsupervised visits if he jumps first.
Happened to my 2 year old grandson with his absent father. & Believe me it’s NOT been in the best interest of my grandson 
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Please get legal advice and make sure you have notes of all he has said etc
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I wouldn’t block him. But I would be very clear with him that he needs to start exercising his time or you’ll be considering having the custody agreement reevaluated.
I really think that 50/50 custody is what’s best for kids.
But you can’t force someone to exercise their time. And there does come a point when someone being inconsistent causes emotional stress for the child. So consistency is key.
I dont know if id go so far as to cut them off completely, because he’s still the father. But putting the control more in your hands so you are not legally obligated to wait at a specific place for extended periods with the kids for someone who never arrives.
Maybe a change as simple as having the drop off, pick up location being your home or their school. Then if he doesn’t show, you can carry on as usual and the kids won’t even know he didn’t show because they are where they would normally be.
I understand being in a tricky situation like this. And I never really considered cutting off as the best option. Just all depends on how the kids are doing with the situation and if it’s affecting them in bad ways.
Go back to court. This is something you can’t and shouldn’t make a decision on by yourself. He can flip it very easy and say you denied contact and then you can parental interface.
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Don’t feel bad about it. It’s been 9 years, 10 years in September since I heard anything. Hasn’t affected her life. My husband is dad and that’s what she knows.
I think a in and out parent is toxic.
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His never seen him but he pops in every now and then?
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Cut him out if he is just giving you a problem on you and your child’s Mental Health. Keep your child out on a toxic surroundings. Do what’s best for your child. Hugs momma xx
Do it legally. Get a lawyer. If you don’t do it the legal way, it will probably backfire. All he has to do is claim you refused visitation because he was behind on support. If he does, you could lose custody if he decided he wanted custody. It happens. You can’t predict the future. Protect you and your child now.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong to cut off my childs biological father? - Mamas Uncut
Get him to give up his rights, which includes child support…but never keep him from him, if he flakes he flakes…the kid will figure it out…but I would be working on him giving up his rights…
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Boyfriend’s are not stepdads but it’s great to allow him as part of your son’s life
Just let your son realize what his biological father is doing and he’ll set him straight, my son did and 36 years later they have a great relationship along with my husband
Maybe when he grows up he will realize what he missed, I think you did the right thing, go through a lawyer ., so you don’t have to worry about what he does! God Bless!
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No
I went through the same thing years ago
He knew where we lived. My parents lived and never made an effort to come and see her.
That’s his loss. 
While your relationship with your child’s father may be over, you don’t have the right to decide that for your child and the father.
I went through an AWFUL divorce. I offered to stop child support if my ex signed away his rights. He almost did.
In the end, the kids are better off finding out who their father really is. Asshole or Saint. Instead of always resenting you for never giving them a chance to find out for themselves.
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Don’t force the issue. Tell him and when he is old enough, he will havd the decision to go and see him or not. I had the same experience. I was lucky and my second husband was a good father to my son. When
Never ever stop the real father seeing the child unless in danger, they will grow up and develop they own relationships together and if you interfere with they relationships in any way your child will be bitter towards you his mum, I’ve got two sons to different men who didn’t always if any see them or financial contribute but the big picture is they share a bond especially same sex child
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Any good dr will tell thats not good for a childs mental stability growing up itll do more harm than good so you do you an keep that baby healthy in every possible way , my son was acting out bad an once i said enough was enough an it had the stability he is like a whole new kid
Just be a good mom dont speak bad of his dad let him grow up to be a good man and let him make up his mind when it’s time. That is what I did as I had that situation. It’s hard not to talk bad about him but believe me you will be the better person for it. Just raise him strong and good.
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I am 43 and never met my biological father. My stepdad has been there all my life and I look to him as if he was my biological father, but the need to know is still there. At least let the child know who the father is.
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Give the guy a chance to be a father. this is for your son especially if he turns out to be a good dad. there is too much evil and pain these days. the more good people we expose these kids to, the better. they have suffered enough. for your son’s sake please. your boyfriend has his place too. you will be glad you did.
Blessings!
It’s against the law to keep him away from his son. If you ever go to court the judge will crucify you, your son will blame you from keeping him from his father when he is older. Check with a family law attorney. Just chill and don’t let him get to you. Remember if he takes you to court he’ll get visitation even if he never pays a cent. Think long term .
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You don’t want to do that.tell your son the truth.if he comes and see him fine if not when your son gets older he knows who has been there believe me he will not forget who has been there.i been in those shoes.
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Be the bigger person, always. Be sure to document everything as well. Your child will see who his father is in time. I’m sorry he wastes your time though, that is frustrating. He probably is battling anxiety, depression, or an addiction. Or maybe all three. If you always take the high road, you will know you did your best. Your child will respect you for that.
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Absolutely not! You do what you need to for your son. You’ve tired more than needed too and gave it your best without doubt. Go live your life and let your son enjoy the family that’s there for him.
You didn’t mention how old the dad is. Maybe he needs to grow up himself. Maybe another few years he’ll see and act differently.
Maybe not.
People can grow.
Right now just focus on your daily life
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I was a step dad, but we did a step parent adoption done. Where I live you have to be married to the person. It would be a battle and probably unsuccessful to get them forcefully taken away. However you may ask to have him give up the rights to the child to persue a step parent adoption. That way when everything goes through, you can forfeit your rights to back payment of child support. Hopefully this helps, and good luck to you and your family. Sorry some men have to be pieces of shit that don’t care about the children.
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Get yourself an attorney and go for it. Right now he is running you around, next it will be the child.
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Don’t bother, tell him get a lawyer and I’ll see you then. Don’t confuse your son, and stop letting him ruin and run your new life. That’s his loss, when he sees you don’t care maybe he’ll wake up and will want to really see his son. Then there are those dads that just don’t care. Don’t lose your son’s Dad, trying to change his biological one.
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A dad is a dad dead beat or not. Let your child figure him out on his own as the years go bye.Just be there for your son when he does you don’t want the father lying and saying you kept him from him
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My ex promised to show up multiple times. I decided it was best for my boys to document document… the tears were more than I could stand. The boys honor and respect their step dad and claim him. They did deal with abandonment issues from their real father a few times but have written him out of their lives. Probably for the best. I’m just lucky I got out out when I did. I’m glad I’m not number 8 wife. Older but wiser.
Sounds like he was just a sperm donor who don’t want responsibility I would get a good lawyer and make him man up or sign over all rights to you
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My daughter’s wanna be dad. Did the same thing. About 3 yrs ago he took her shopping. He told her she was a mistake. I wish you where never born. She came home and told me what happened. She called him that night let him have it. He called me crying I said you deserve it. I hung up on him. That was 3 yrs ago. My daughter told him I don’t need you. My mom been there from day one. I can always count on my mom no matter what. My daughter goes to school and works and just bought her first car.
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You need to take him to court and get a signed document to give up his parental rights to your child. You need to end this. He IS NOT a father, but a bug in your life. Move on away from this mess.
If you do not have the money, there are free legal aid services available for these kinds of needs. Hopefully, one day, your boyfriend may be able to adopt your child if this is what you two desire. There are a LOT of positive legal reasons to this process. AND, most of all - protecting your son. Sperm is NO indicator of fatherhood.
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Your not a bad person. I went through this too and when he finished potty training he decided he’d take him and not bring him back. I had to get an attorney. My advice is shortcut what I went through and find someone now to file for full custody with supervised visits at his expense. We didn’t hear from him about 3years. My son is now 15 and talks to his dad (when he answers) but he knows my other half is his “dad” and he already decided he’s not going to be like his biological dad.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s complicated when it’s about our babies 
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That man Will Always be the child’s father.
You don’t have the right to rob the child if his father just because he’s not what you want in a father.
You made a child with him so you’re 1/2 responsible for that one.
Stopping the father is a control option for you not the child. Seems there’s more to the story.
Who knows where the man your child is currently calling daddy ( boyfriend) is going to be in say 5 years?
Do you know?
Could be harder if the child loses your current boyfriend.
Children should never be used as a weapon to get back at the other parent.
If your happy and moved on then what’s your real problem?
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If visitation is court ordered I wouldn’t. What you CAN and SHOULD do is adjust how you handle such behavior. Don’t give him two hours!!! to show up. Don’t give him the opportunity to fail at being a part of his son’s life. No asking/begging to create moments to help HIM be important. Don’t wait for him to show up. Make other plans for that time frame and carry on. And don’t share “possible” moments with your son. He needs to have consistency in his little world. Above all else, DOCUMENT EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF CONTACT AND OUTCOME. He will NEVER take you back to court (but will continue to threaten as he knows right now it’s a button he can push to upset you and hold authority over you), but notes will be of great help when you take him back to court. Being a good parent means making sure your child is safe in both physical and mental areas.
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You are not wrong for keeping him away for a certain period of time, speak to a lawyer, i had done this, dealt with inconsistentancy for 4 years, i blocked the BIO out for 6 and only allowed him back in now that my child is 10 and has her own voice, she also has siblings from him that she has a better relationship with. He has still been the same inconsistent, drop out last minute BIO he was 6 years ago. My daughter crys but i communicate with her about him. Its wrong and hurts us both but sometimes they have to see the people they are.
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Talk to someone about doing a step-parent adoption. It will relieve stress from you and a good motivator for him to sign off is he won’t accumulate any more child support or possibility of going to jail because he isn’t paying. I had pretty much the same situation and it was definitely a relief and blessing!
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I have dealt with this with my daughter. We got ahold of a lawyer and did abandonment on him along with adoption. My husband adopted my daughter and the abandonment went through on my ex husband. My daughter is now almost 16 yrs old and has a full time dad. My husband and her have a great relationship. Look into getting a lawyer involved.
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Protect your baby 1st. If biological dad gets his act together let him prove it. When your baby is 18 he can do what he wants. Talk is cheap. His loss.Sounds like bio dad has other problems. Substance, mental health.your baby & the man who stepped up come 1st.
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Im not sure where you are but I had this happen. I applied for custody and was granted full custody because he didnt show up. They lose their parental rights after a certain time and/or if you were together full year before birth or something like that. Check into legal aid or a lawyer and ask 
I went through this. I was told by the attorney that paying child support was also paying for the right to see your child. This being said the man is not showing up physically or financially. You are worried about your sons feelings. I get it. Until there is an actual custody agreement you don’t have to let him take your son but I would allow visitation. He’s done nothing to earn you or the state’s trust and you’re allowed to say you can come see him but you can’t come take him.
When you go to court get a lawyer and ask for visitation only. They can set that up where you’re not there but someone is so he can’t up and leave with the kid but also there’s no tension. BTW the court will make him pay child support or he’ll lose his DL and possible freedom if he keeps refusing to pay like mine did.
Its been 8 years since he up and disappeared and hasn’t paid a dime. He can’t get or renew his license and last I heard he’s living on the streets of Las Vegas addicted to meth. Some times time has a way of taking care of these situations. Do what you feel you need to protect your son. Even if the state disagrees and orders otherwise later they are not going to penalize you.
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Have him sign over his rights and walk away. I did and my daughter her up just fine. When she turned 18 it was up to her to want him in her life and so far he is still not in the picture. Move on. I didn’t even want child support and it all worked out.
Don’t cut off his father. One day, if your son finds out that you kept him from his father, he may resent you. If his father just stops trying, that’s on him, and your son won’t blame you.
My sister’s father was much like that, and disappeared after she was about 5. Paid child support (that automatically came from his paycheck) until she was 18, and now she is almost 20 and thriving. I think she is far better for not having a revolving door father, but she doesn’t resent our mom in the slightest. My mom always gave him chances, but didn’t bring him up unless my sister did.
You want to protect your son from his revolving door father, but for his sake, his mental health and growth, he needs the chance at that relationship if his father will try.
Perhaps try counseling to discuss how to approach the situation, and then if his father is willing, try counseling together in order to co-parent in the healthiest way for your son.
Children need teo parents…a mom and a dad. Often dads are missing…not right…not fair. But accurate… you are missing…you have no right to be included…get your act together…being a dad is a 24 hr a day committment…cant do it…then dont claim it as your right…if hour financial input doesnt match hers…uou are not a dad…you cant say that your sperm is just as. Aluable if you dont .ale a tktal committment.
It depends. Father’s are very important in a child’s life…just as important as mother’s and grandparents. Unless he is abusive or such, you should work a way to include him in their lives if he wants to be.
I’m confused, you said your son has never met his biological father? Yet you say your tired of him just popping in?
Whatever you decide to do, just remember one day your son will want to see his father? Your son may hold this against you? Upsetting his mental stability may not be the right thing? It’s a hard call? Most important is your son! Not you getting stuffed around? Not your new partner being upset he’s always been there for him? I know exactly how you feel 
Sorry you are going though this! I know it’s hard being a single parent,but don’t stop him from coming over or seeing your son! You know he never keeps his word so don’t wait on him. When the time comes he can’t use anything against you! God Bless you and your son and boyfriend! Keep up the good work!
So stop wasting your time. Stop going the extra mile. Sit there and wait. Be quiet about it and don’t say a word to your son. But if you cut him off from his biological father there will come a day when he wants to know why his father isn’t in the picture and you have to tell him because you told him to go away. Child will figure out what kind of a man this guy is. You have no right to interfere in that.
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For sure don’t ever tell the baby he is coming or anything. From personal experience as a step mom ( the mom was the one doing wrong) it causes nothing but trauma for the child. A notebook and pen will be ur best friend. Make sure to date and add as much info as possible. Keep any messages and/or emails or print them off.
The hardest thing for a parent in my mind is to raise a child thats not yours this man has stepped up and been his father just because he not the biological father doesn’t mean he not the father blood is the easy part all the rest is what matters
There are always 2 sides of a story so no one can give advice with out hearing both sides
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I know how you feel. I know it’s a pain and upsetting but unfortunately he does have a right to talk and see him. Just to keep yourself from getting into any trouble I would keep a calendar of when he calls and when he says he is coming. Then if and when you go to court you have something to show the court.
Make him pay child support. Do supervised visits so if he is a no show you have a witness not your word against his. If he chooses not to see the child, when the child gets old enough to understand tell him about his biological dad so it don’t give you problems later
The thing l would hope you consider is that one day your son will want to know about his biological father. Keep a record of the dates and times that arrangements were made and he failed to show up. If the father bothers to send him cards or presents make sure your son gets them ( if you believe it will not impact him negatively). This will go a long way to helping your son understand how you tried to let his biological dad be in his life so he doesn’t blame you.I believe you are wise to communicate through lawyers…his behaviour is impacting your life…you shouldn’t have to deal with him personally anymore
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Absolutely not! My daughter whos 5 father would only want to be around if we were together in a relationship but we were toxic. He was controlling. Didnt know a damn thing about parenting and still followed what his mommy told him to do. Non the less i met my now boyfriend 2 years ago and my daughter loves him and calls him dad. She doesn’t ask about that side of the family. He has not been around since I moved on. Has not reached out. Nothing. And he always said he had a lawyer and cop friends. As a mother your job is to protect your kids. Although it may suck deep down you know your child deserves better. And you are not horrible for doing so. You child will grow up and find out for them selves. Just dont bash that other parent to the child let them see that on their own. My daughter thinks her dads busy with work since he first stopped coming around.
You don’t need his negative input into your life or your sons. Get some legal advice on how to put a stop to this. Not good for you or your son or your relationship. Good luck.
Go to your lawyer and sever his parental rights while your son is still small ! Popping in and out of his life is not a good thing for your son
Be patient and tolerant and don not expect anything from the biological father. Making drastic actions would be inviting untoward incident happening. Some people are just what they are, they can’t help it. As long as the kid is with … be happy with it
Not at all. Impregnating you doesn’t make him a father. My sons “donor” gave up any rights to fatherhood when he ghosted. He has a dad that’s been there for him since he was 21/2 and legally adopted him too! Be well and blessed be
Just because he donated the sperm doesn’t mean he is a Dad. A Dad wants to be with his child and help to raise them. Don’t feel guilty about him. He made his choices.