Please tell me I’m not crazy and maybe some advice. I have moments where I absolutely cringe when my 5 year old son touches me for like cuddles or just to be next to me. Most days I don’t feel this way but other days he just won’t stop and I start to get in this like anxiety haze and have to get stern and tell him don’t touch me right now. Tonight it happened again. It’s so hot, I feel sticky, he has been glued to me all day, and then here comes the anxiety haze but tonight he told me he didn’t love me anymore because he thinks I hate him. I’m so mad at myself because I can’t figure out why all of a sudden for the past few months I have these moments. Prior to his birth I remember not liking to be touched by anyone. It had to be like a mutual consent thing. If someone just came up to me and hugged me before I could think I would get this same anxiety haze. My son was different though. I could have cuddles 24/7 and never care but lately I’m starting to crave alone time and boundaries again. Am I crazy? Am I a bad mother?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong to feel this way when my son touches me?
So I’m kind of the same way. I just say “personal bubble” if I feel suffocated. But I HATE being trapped, so if I feel like that I just finish our hug and get up. I believe it’s my anxiety especially when I don’t take my med for a while.
You’re not crazy. And not a bad mom, you’re just overstimulated. It’s normal. But try wording it differently like “mommy is too hot to cuddle right now, can we wait until I cool off?”
Tell him gently you need some space but you’ll love on him soon. Then mentally prep yourself for that.
I get touched out a lot too, but im also almost 37 weeks pregnant and have an almost 4 year old daughter who is essentially a velcro baby. I love her more than life but sometimes i just cant stand the cling. I tell her how much i love her but sometimes mommy needs a moment to breathe and collect herself, and once i start to feel better and more comfortable, i call her back and we cuddle for a little while. Its just part of the burn out us moms feel sometimes.
My son is 4, he’s autistic and extremely extremely clingy 24-7, I’m claustrophobic and continuously being touched makes my aniexty through the roof, he can’t help it bc it’s just part of his condition but I know how your feeling
Hes not gonna be little for long. Try to enjoy it.
Dont feel bad momma!
It has to do with being “touched out” and its definitely real for sahm.
Plus i also have sensory issues which can be so hard with kids!
I understand your anxiety and frustrations.
Take it one moment at a time❤
You’re not a bad mother. It’s normal to have days of feeling completely touched out and overstimulated.
I would suggest when you need a touch free break, put on a movie for him and go decompress in the shower.
You do need to remind your son that you love and adore him, but space and boundaries are important and needed
I would go to therapy to find out why I felt that way…
Not alone. I get that way with one of my twins. She’s hyper and adhd and it’s too much stimulation for me to process. So I’ve taught her to ask me for a hug vs just smothering me.
I have 3 children i love Cuddles etc but sometimes it gets to Much And I feel like I’m being suffocated. Personally totally Normal.
I just saw a post about a ONE MINUTE HUG. Where hearts can talk to each other. It was for something else but maybe this would work for you too.
Maybe you should talk to a counselor ? Or your doctor? If your son is noticing your behavior towards him and thinks you hate Him, you are giving him those signs. It’s actually really sad
Somedays I love when my kids wants to cuddle with me but other days it can feel overwhelming.
It’s called over stimulation. No it does not make you a bad mother. It makes you a human being.
You need a hug. You are overwhelmed and your anxiety is overflowing. Breathe, find a hobby or go out with friends. Its ok for you to want to be alone so you can get away. You got this
it’s called “touched-out” or overstimulated because i’m this way too with my 4yr old & his dad… i love them to death but sometimes i don’t wanna be touched
You’re human , dont sweat it
For us HSPs (highly sensitive people), having our bubble invaded & skin touching us too much, can be infuriating. I often find myself touched out from my kids. I just tell them, “hey I really love that you’re so affectionate but mommy needs a few mins to herself, without people touching her. Can we cuddle later?”. Sometimes, even a breeze can irritate my highly sensitive nerves.
No not necessarily wrong for feeling that way, everyone has their moments of not wanting to be touched. But use kind words to express yourself in a way he will understand and maybe come up with activity to do together ,always re assure you love him.
Sounds like overstimulation
Some people just don’t like to be touched. Good opportunity to teach him about boundaries
Your not crazy, your not a bad mom your a human who has feelings and those feelings need to be justified even if it’s our children
These feelings do not make you a bad mother. Therapy for you to find tools to manage these feelings would be a good thing for you and your son. Also, just letting him know Momma needs some space at the moment due to heat or whatever, then after cool down time, cuddles are expected will go a LONG way in helping him still feel your love without the doubt.
I understand. I feel the same way, my 6 yr old is always in my personal space…hugging, leaning on me, touching me. Some days I’m just so touched out that I can’t handle it. I’m not a touchy feely kind of person so it’s hard for me. Some days my anxiety is too much and it just pushes me over the edge and I have to remind him that not everyone wants to be hugged, touched and whatever every day.
It’s overstimulation- you’re definitely not crazy or a bad mama
I understand being over stimulated but it’s also giving him the idea that you hate him which also don’t okay. Half of me says he won’t be little for long other part of me thinks you need a breather. My 3 year old is super clingy to me and my husband. I don’t mind though. I don’t get overstimulated and have anxiety.
I have absolutely felt this way! I can attest that even the most loving and amazing parents get touched out. When I am feeling that way w my youngest, I gently let her know mama just needs a bit of space. That everyone needs space sometimes and that I love her to the moon and back
You’re feeling touched out. I went through this too breast feeding my daughter. You’re wanted and needed by everyone all the time you child wants attention and your husband wants sex it gets to be Soo overwhelming! It’s normal and it will pass. You need some YOU time
Get help !!! That’s horrible to do that to that baby !
But that’s your own child.
I would go see a therapist or something about it. The fact that your son is picking up on this and feels like you hate him is heartbreaking
Practice consent with him… “Mommy may I hug you?” “Yes/no. Yes, for 15 seconds/a light hug”
Are you wrong for feeling that way? No, absolutely not. Maybe try to find a gentler way to tell him you don’t wanna be cuddled right now. I tell my kids “mommy just needs a couple minutes by herself”
I dont think you’re a bad mother. But you need to work on this. He’s 5 so he will remember you saying not to touch you and he will remember how it made him feel and could follow him for life. 5 is when they start developing their self worth and esteem. Pushing him away because you don’t feel like snuggling isn’t going to leave him feeling loved or wanted.
Nope. You are touched out. He needs an explanation, but you are NOT a bad mom.
I would give anything for this my son passed away 6 years ago
How blessed you are
Also they are only young once. Before long he won’t want you to touch him and you’ll miss these days.
Omg this is such a feeling not horrible, just human.
No! You’re not a bad mother. We all have days and times we feel like this whether it’s over touching or something else entirely
Tbh I wouldn’t ever say my child sitting next to me is “cringe” that’s horrible he’s looking for some love and doesn’t understand why your being distant he is a child that’s what they like to be all all over the top touchy and loving
Not bad… some people have sensory issues… are you pregnant? Also baby blues can do this… i would honestly talk to a dr and therapist… i had ppd and it went undiagnosed for years… i wasn’t given any advice and i literally hated thought of myself continuing to live… i love my children more than anything and it wasn’t my childrens fault or my own that i had “down” feelings… having a child does weird things to your hormone balance even after the birth… DO NOT listen to any negative advice or opinion here… no one is in your shoes and will not understand like you do…
Over stimulated for sure. I get this way alllllllll the time. And my 7yr old is a busy body so he can’t sit still. So when he’s all up on me I get irritated because he moves every 2 seconds. Lol damn kids.
It’s a sensory thing. I’ve never liked being touched. So motherhood has been a journey lol. But definitely look into it, because for me it was just the tip of the iceberg. The adhd/sensory iceberg.
Sensory overload doesn’t have anything to do with your feelings or love for him. I had similar issues with my kids when they were babies - with the tone on some of the crying. The noise physically hurt. Your brain knows your heart doesn’t want to feel this way; it’s just the physical stimuli processing badly. I don’t know you, but from what you posted that doesn’t make you a bad mom.
I get this way with my son also 5
I have to tell him, “ok son, that’s enough right now” then I’ll get up so he can’t crawl all over me
I’ve told him before pretty sternly to get off of me, and it broke his heart (mine also), so I had to find a way to word it for him, where I wouldn’t do that
Someday he may not be around, I’m sorry u feel that way. He’s only gonna cuddle so long. This is very sad to me. I love it when my girl cuddles me it’s very sweet.
I get the same way where I just don’t want to be touched, and don’t want to touch anyone or anything.
It’s usually when I’m reaching my breaking point whether it’s from lack of sleep, stress, etc all combined.
I would tell him “I’m sorry, mommy loves you very much. I just got crabby and didn’t express it in the right way. Next time I’ll use my words and kindly tell you.”
Apologize on whatever level he is at and capable of understanding.
I have a very needy as well as hyperactive 7 almost 8 year old. He likes to basically sit on top of me when we’re sitting together on the couch or something like that and he’s very fidgety always moving his legs and rubbing his feet on me. Which is fine most of the time, but at the same time sometimes I have to ask him to please give me some space. It’s totally normal to not want your kid on you 100% of the time, don’t fret too much. Just explain to them that you’re hot and you’d appreciate if you could have your own spaces for a little bit.
Sounds like postpartum depression you need to talk to your doctor he just wants affection sometimes as mom’s we do things we don’t like but no your not a bad mother but you need to talk to someone to help you with your emotions
One thing I can say whole heartedly with complete honesty to this post is I promise you, you are not a bad mum. It’s ok to feel this way with your son or anyone else. Don’t feel guilty as you have no reason to. We are all entitled to feel and think our feelings and our thoughts. We’re only human and the strain of being a parent is hard enough without self guilt.
There is a thing called “being touched out”…as in you are just DONE being touched that day.
I was the same way when my daughter was that age. Now she’s 13 and isn’t an affectionate person to me but is a huggy person to her dad (who is a very affectionate person).
Just reassure him that you love him and still hug him even in those moments you don’t want to. It’s so important for littles to know affection.
Over stimulated, sensory overload, too many noises at once will do similar things to me. I go thru the same thing! You are not alone! Especially my face. Do not put ur grimy fingers on my face.
It is a perfect opportunity to set boudries as stated above. I try to calmly say the words to my child. So they understand too. I feel touched out. I need my space. You’re in my bubble. I understand the guilt feeling. I have to get away sometimes. Go out side. Go to the gym. To the store. Hell even a car ride. It really sucks when it starts to run into your sex life. And you have zero touch left for your SO.
You are doing a fine job mama! Definitely “normal “
It’s not bad, but please remember those cuddles won’t last forever. Enjoy every moment on your journey through life, it’s all temporary.
Ahh I feel ur pain I have it too with a 5 year old boy and he too has said no one likes me or you don’t love me I just explain I need some space for a little bit especially if he’s eating crisps in my ear it’s definitely a stage they’ll soon enough outgrow
Im the same way. My daughter likes to be all up in my space, hugging and trying to cuddle. The difference is thats shes 13. Im the same way with my fiance. I cant handle it when they touch me unless i willingly walk up and hug them or give them a kiss. It has started to put a strain on my relationship. Ive been trying hard to not be this way. But anxiety will take over. It doesnt make any of us that deal with this a bad mom or wife. We need our personal space to be ours and ours alone sometimes. Hope things get better for you🤗
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You are over stimulated!! I have this problem and I didn’t understand when mine were little. At least you recognize it. And want to do something about it!
Being touched out and also anxiety can cause this. I also get this way mostly due to anxiety. Im just very honest with my family that I need to not be touched right now my anxiety is up for whatever reason I have. I taught my youngest to do butterfly kisses bc there’s less enveloping touch. My biggest trigger is touching the back of my arm. I can be reactionary with anger bc they arent respecting my needs and they trigger a trauma response.
Idk if you have any trauma in your life that could also be triggered but therapy will def help. You can address meeting your needs before it gets to this point and address any traumas you may have that may be triggered from unwanted touch. ￼
It’s overstimulation so don’t be to hard on yourself, just explain to him in a way he will understand, maybe use an example of when he doesn’t like something,
I’m adhd so get over stimulated, I had to
Explain to my kids but now there older they just wind me up with it
I’m the same way, with everyone except my son. His cuddles relax my mind and remind me that I have a reason, him. But no 2 mothers are the same. Unfortunately, your son feels the negative aspect of you not wanting to be touched, which is why he said what he said. Fortunately though, that feeling for him can still be fixed (besides for that he doesn’t hate you, he’s just upset and 5 year olds have a hard time expressing emotion) all that being said, I’ve reread your post a few times, in hopes that I can give some helpful advice and not just comforting words. And that’s when it hit me, that’s what your son desires also. There’s a few approaches, and if I was you, I’d try each one bc my sons love would be worth it. 1) when you feel like you’re ok, cuddle him first. But tell him “mommy only has 3 minutes before I have to (do whatever) let’s cuddle” and give him a 3 minute cuddle.et him know after 2 minutes that this time is almost up, but mommy can’t wait for another. 2) if your anxiety is already close to peak and hes coming for a cuddle, give him a long hug, tell him how much you love him and he means to you, but mommy doesn’t feel good and needs just a little space, maybe he can sit with you and do something instead of on top of you. 3) never forget that one day he’ll be a big kid and he won’t want mom cuddles, that doesn’t mean to give in and put yourself in a position of high anxiety, but it may change the way you look at cuddle time.
Good luck mama, your real task here is for you and your son to both feel comfortable and loved. You got this
When’s it’s hot I tell my kids no cuddles. My son is a heater 24/7. Cold or hot he radiates heat. Be honest with them. I’m hot sweety we can snuffle later. He doesn’t want to be touched all the time I’m sure.
I don’t understand parents not telling their kids no.
You’re in a personal crisis of anxiety and possibly depression. You’re probably feeling right now like your body isn’t your own. It’s normal to have feelings like that. Just be careful of the way you handle it with your son so that you don’t hurt his feelings or make him feel unloved. Your resistance to being touched is likely making him anxious in his own way and making him want MORE touch and reassurance.
My advice is make sure you take some time to yourself every day for hygiene and quiet time alone. Don’t skip your shower even when you feel like you don’t have time. If you have to, set him up with games, toys and movies/tv so you can go take the shower and/or take a 30 minute nap or have quiet alone time. Tell him you DO love him and that you DO want to hug him and cuddle him, and that sometimes you also need a little bit of time to take care of yourself. When you’re not in the mood to be touched, try to be in a different room than your son. Communicate with words. Say things like "I don’t feel well right now so I’m going to g go be alone for X minutes and we’ll cuddle after that. Then follow through. Good luck, Mama.
After baby blue’s your is just lasting longer than other Mom’s
no. i going thru premenopause symtopms and im going thru this. I explain to my kids rhat is top hot and i cant hug them. However if we are at home, i tell them to wair, i blow up the ac n then i hug them. They totaly understand
I get where I can’t stand to be touched. I call it being touched out. When they cling to you constantly and you can’t get anything done sometimes it’s frustrating and it’s too much. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. I love my child with everything but sometimes I have had too much. I’ve never liked being touched a lot anyway so this can be overwhelming.
You get touched out. It’s understandable.
Explain it to him. “Mommy loves your cuddles, but its hot right now. Can you sit next to mommy for a few minutes so mommy can cool off then we can cuddle again.” Kids understand when you talk to them. Otherwise they blame themselves.
If he has anything where he gets over stimulated, you can tell him “sometimes mommy gets too much tough and it is like when the TV is too loud to you…” or whatever. Just be VERY clear you love him and it has nothing to do with him. Try to find alternate ways to touch without him being all over you. Hold hands. Play feetsies where you touch feet. “Head cuddle” where you are on the couch with heads in the middle touching, but your feet are the opposite way. He needs the touch still, but you need some free time so come up with ways that work. Good luck.
I went through this and started embracing those moments and struggled at first. Kind of conditioned myself to give in to the moment. There were still times I would have to tell them to give me a moment I’m not trying to be rude or decline your affection I need a moment and when ready I initiated the embrace which actually created more meaningful moments
It’s totally normal. As mom’s we are touched constantly!!! It’s ok! It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It just means that your body needs a break. You need a break. It’s ok to need a break. Just reassure him that you love him but that mommy just needs a break and once she gets her break she will gladly accept all the cuddles!
You’re “touched out”.
I get like that at times breastfeeding.
It’s normal although I would touch base with your doctor, especially if it’s happening more often than not.
You’re definitely not a bad mother and ignore the comments in here that make you feel like you are. Obviously some parents in here think they’re prefect😒
Hugs Mama…You got this:muscle:
I imagine that would hurt his feelings. I can see why he feels that way. Maybe explain what’s going on in a way he can understand
It seems like a good opportunity to teach consent. Reassure that you love him with all your heart and let him know about boundaries and communicate how you feel.
It’s called being “touched out” and is usually caused by sensory overload. And it is absolutely normal and OK. Our kids want us 24/7 and need to learn boundaries. When I get like this I get on their level and just explain that mommy loves them very much and can give them I nice big hug but right now mommy needs her own space. And usually that’s enough for my 5 year old. Sometimes we will sit on opposite ends of the couch and watch a movie or his favorite show together so he can still spend time with me without crawling on me. You’re doing good momma
Get help for yourself talking to a professional helps.
A child only knows love till they are taught or shown other wise
My 3 yr old and 1 yr old are always glued to my hip
There’s days I feel the same but their instinct is to love us the most so they want to do everything and be everywhere with us
As parents we make sacrifices and change for the better for our children
You need to learn to accept your child’s way of loving you
It’s wrong that you made your child feel that you hate him
No child should feel that someone they truly love hates them
It sounds like you’re touched out and overstimulated. This is something I struggle with too. Definitely work on finding the right words to communicate needing space without making him feel like it’s a problem with him. I like to use “moms body needs some space right now” and work on personal space and consent with him.
Please don’t be that way with your little boy! They are little for such a short time, do whatever it takes to hold him and let him know how much you love him! We lost our grown son to cancer 8 years ago, and I would give anything to be able to hug him again! I still regret all the times I was impatient or would get angry over little things that he did as a child!
I have to tell mine mommy needs alone time for a little while. Go play and we will spend time again later. When they are all up on you all the time,your dander gets up…as they say. Having kids around you all the time makes you burned out.
I feel bad for the child you need help
For those of you giving her grief, or saying it’s horrible of her to do, or get help but not stating what kind of help and just shaming. SHAME ON YOU! She already feels bad, or she would not be reaching out for HELP!
- Personally overstimulation does this for me. I’m a Momma for 4, and sometimes I just don’t want touched or even to hear the word Momma for the millionth time. It happens.
I would suggest finding a counselor to talk to, that can be helpful in managing those feelings. Guidance on how to work through them.
Maybe even a brief 10-30 mins to yourself could help you.
Everyone is different and reacts to overstimulation differently and have different fixes to it. The first step was realizing it happens to you.
It took me awhile to figure it out myself.
Now I am able to tell my other half I’m feeling overwhelmed and need to breathe. That way he can take over for a bit and let me recoup.
I’m not a touchy person, I’m not a hugger. Etc.
Which that in itself makes it hard to be touched all the time, which kiddos like to do.
Breathe, momma life can be challenging!
You’re not a horrible momma, you just have something to work through.
As do all of us!
You could possible be on the spectrum and just not have been diagnosed. Lots of adults are on spectrum and somehow never get diagnosed. I would speak to your doctor to get an medical opinion to see if there’s an explanation on why you feel this way.
I’ve explained to my kids how sometimes I am more sensitive to stimulus and get overwhelmed and feel out of control when I am overestimated. We focus on asking for consent and respecting boundaries. It hasn’t been easy buy a year into this and things have gotten a lot better with minimal hurt feelings. Becoming a parent doesn’t mean you have to ignore your own feelings and needs
I hate being touched by most people, but my son is 100% different. I still sometimes need a break from having him al over me. I just tell him “right now, mommy needs her space, but as soon as I feel better I will let you know and we can hug or cuddle.”
Check into your childhood.
As long as you take the time to say “mom needs some space right now please” and love on him later (for bedtime or just to watch a movie) I think you guys will be just fine
I get like this too and my sons only 3 but I still tell him “please no touching mommy right now okay?” And hes started responding with “mommy need leave alone? Okay, mommy need leave alone” and then we cuddle once I feel comfortable being touched again
Hes also learned to tell me when he wants to not be touched from this so its a good practice. We also say “wait for cuddles please” or “I need some space”
Its normal to not want to be constantly touched and grabbed on. I don’t even like my S/O touching me half the time especially when its hot or I’ve been having a hard day
I’m autistic and have ADHD also. I absolutely love cuddling on my terms, but sometimes I have sensory overload and I spazz out like you’re describing and don’t wanna be touched or have anyone in my space. If it’s attempted, my overload gets worse and I get really angry (it’s a result of the anxiety) and cannot help it. I have a support dog, and she senses when this is fixing to happen to me and comes right by my side and puts a paw on me to calm me. Unfortunately most of the time that makes me tweak out even more, but I have to force myself to acknowledge her help, pet her briefly, tell her I’m okay, and she backs off again.
I didn’t know I was autistic until I was 47. My whole life I thought I was a horrible person because of this and other things. Hated myself. Now that I know why, I can deal with it and actually learned to love myself like never before.
I’m not saying you’re autistic, but you do have sensory issues, and that’s what’s being triggered here. It’s a horrible feeling and you’ll have to read up on it and see what you can do to help yourself with it. Talking to your little one is important. Much love to you and don’t listen to the judgemental bishes on here.
I definitely get touched out. Sometimes I just have to say mommy needs her space for a few mins please. I don’t do it all the time but we all need our own personal space sometimes… I still snuggle her after I have a few minutes to myself though
You sound touched out I get like that when I’m dealing with a fibromyalgia flare I just grin n bear it for a couple mins then I say ok mama hurts right now go play
I have had this conversation with my kids. They know I’m not a very touchy Feely kind of person, but I also understand they need the hugs and cuddles. So I let them hug/hang on me and they know when I say okay or I’ll tap their shoulder that I’m done and they go off to do something else. I see it as normal, your son will learn and it’s gonna be okay momma.
My daughter is 4, I tell her I need some personal space. You’re not a bad mom. The constant hanging on me gets to me to. I often feel like I never have anything that’s “mine”…so often I feel like let me have my own body and give me space.
You’re not a horrible mom I get like that too sometimes you just need your space and not be touched on all the time that’s what kids do so if you feel that way just let him know like listen to mommy loves you but Mommy needs space to sometimes so could you please go play with daddy or your toys and when I’m ready I’ll come and give you a hug
I’ve definitely had days of overstimulation but never cringe worthy. ￼
You are NOT a bad mom! Sometimes we just don’t like being touched and that is okay! Just say “mommy just needs a little space at the moment. We can cuddle a little bit later.” . Play a game instead or bake some cookies. Just redirect it into something fun Please never think that you are a bad mom because you don’t want to be touched all the time.
Unless you have some late blooming form of autism it would appear you have developed Haphephobia the fear of touch, it usually presents after assault or rape unless of course you have been this way since birth, either way the treatment for most phobias is gradual but increasing source exposure
All these people saying “touched out” smh!! I’m just gonna say it… Shame on you for “getting stern” with your 5yo for wanting love from his mother!!! That’s horrible and I feel sorry for your child!! Think about that, your 5yo thinks you hate him and you probably don’t like him very much!! Maybe go talk to a professional and figure out how to deal cause if not your child deserves better, much better!!!
Taught my stepdaughter to ask for permission before randomly touching ppl because just because we’re parents don’t mean we want to be touched all the time… yea we’re parents but we’re human too.