I’ve been with my husband for 36 years. I’m 52. We have 4 kids. For over 25+ years he has treated me like crap. Was never there for me when I needed him. Never helping with the kids, or the house, cooking, laundry. But that isn’t even what bothers me most. I was never a priority to him. He never would compliment me or say thank you. Always made me feel horrible about myself. My looks, my cooking, basically everything I did. In 2020 I saw a message on his phone from another girl. Hearts and kisses. He claims it was him doing it to make me jealous because I always complained about him not giving me attention. No, I don’t buy it. Now that I am talking about leaving him. Hes apologized for everything he’s done in the past and goes above and beyond in everything he does. I dont love him anymore and haven’t for a long time. I feel guilty now about leaving him because he’s trying. But I just don’t love him anymore and I never will no matter how hard he’s trying. Am I wrong for this? It seems we’re more like roommates than anything. I feel sick thinking about when I leave.
You are not wrong. You just described my 10 year marriage. I left and haven’t looked back. I know who I am now. Seperate to being a mum and a wife, it is the most liberating feeling. I was suffocating in a marriage where I was unappreciated, unloved and was a shadow of who I once was. It is hard, any kind of change is, but I promise you it will be worth it.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong to leave my relationship?
You should have left a long ass time ago. Just saying.
You deserve better
Should have left decades ago. Go live your life in peace how you want and be happy.
No you shouldn’t feel obligated to stay…
I think it’s way past time for you to be happy
Leave he just doesn’t want to do for himself
I feel like he’s probably done too but doesn’t want to admit it. I agree with the other comment to do a trial separation. A relationship shouldn’t be a stressful thing
You should’ve left years ago. Put your happiness first
Move on take of you!
You’re at your prime in age(same as me)do what’s going to make you happy and enjoy the rest of your years.If you think that’s without him then so be it.He’s at an age and been with you so long he’s to comfortable and won’t be able to change for the long haul.It’s a different chapter in life but the story will end the same
I understand that he’s trying but sometimes it’s too little too late. You have spent over half your life taking care of this man. It’s your time to shine. Leave!
He doesn’t deserve you and never did.
Leave. Start your life over for you!!!
Kick him to the curb and be happy!
Hang on if your communicating with him that you feel he doesn’t show affection wouldn’t sending other women messages be the LAST thing he would want to do. Making you jealous won’t make you feel wanted, loved and cared for by him. You need to RUN and FAST
Go live life its too late for him to care now:sob: might hurt for a minute you gotta at least go for awhile see if the grass is greener on the other side
That’s not good at all
Trust me…go ahead and live your peace. I went through what you did…not for as long and with physical abuse. You will find so much happiness within yourself after you leave and he will be wondering what he did wrong. Let him go. You will be one happy mama.
You said he has treated you like crap for over 25 years. Now he wants to try because you’re done? His effort now would mean nothing to me. It’s scary but you can do this! Go find your happy.
Too little too late. Leave
If you’re staying because he’s guilt tripping you, you need to re-evaluate why you’re staying. Once he knows he’s got you, he will likely go back to his old ways. Why should you suddenly care about his feelings when he never cared about yours?
No you are not wrong. He should have tried all those years. Do it for you! Do it for your kids! Your mental health is worth more!!! Self care is important
Send pics and I be able to tell you
I’m in the same boat .
Only difference is we been together 16 year and out kids are not grown
You trauma bonded with him. Just free yourself from this and move on.
He should have been putting that effort in before you got to the point of wanting to leave. If it’s been 25+ years of being treated this way, the real question is, is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Or do you want something else for yourself?
Do not count on his change being permanent. He’s doing it because he doesn’t want to lose you, that is genuine, but he has never been your partner. This type of change generally would not last long after the threat of you leaving has passed.
Sounds like it’s past time to leave
Time to put YOU FIRST!
If you don’t love him you better leave
Funny how a man can treat you like that and then when you wanna leave all of a sudden they wanna change. It won’t last. I say get out while you can. You deserve better!
He’s not trying to save the marriage. He’s trying to hang onto whatever money y’all have in the bank and to have you continue to take care of him. He doesn’t mean a word of it. File first (it puts you in a better position) and don’t look back.
While it wouldve been ideal to leave before, better late than never. If the feelings are gone, theyre gone. U cant force them, even if he wasnt such a jerk, it wouldnt be fair to try and act like there r feelings there that arent
How about a joint counseling session?
When you lose that certain feeling, it’s over honey. You just can’t get it back when it’s gone.
He’s only trying because he knows you want to leave so that when you do finally leave he can make it look like it was all your fault
After 36 years of marriage, it’s going to feel more than weird leaving. It’s going to be forming a whole new routine. Because if this is how you feel, it’s all routine at this point.
As for him “trying”, you cannot be married to someone for 36 years and never pick up on when you’re hurting or neglecting them. He’s trying because you said you were leaving. If you weren’t threatening to leave, nothing would have changed.
Test it. Tell him you forgive him and watch how long it takes him to go back to his old ways. Usually it’s about a week or two after you have “forgiven” them.
If by some miracle he doesn’t revert to the old him, then maybe he had a wake up call, will continue his changed ways and you can find your way back to one another.
But speaking from experience, he’s only sorry because he got caught and he’s only “changed” because you want to leave.
You devoted yourself to him for 25+ years and he didn’t appreciate you then is time to devote yourself to you and nobody else, am sure you’re kids are all grown ups now, it’s your time now to love yourself and be happy, be free
You are not wrong. You do deserve to be loved. Do not feel bad for wanting that and putting yourself first. He obviously has not treated you right.
I would have been out of there many years ago… staying in an unhappy relationship is toxic to the entire family… I hope you get out and find what kind of life everyone deserves…you deserve to be happy… I’d get out…
I was in a similar situation, not quite as bad. He chose things over me. Try counseling! I never thought I would love him again, but I really do.
Get out now!! This is your time. He’s finally realizing what he’s about to lose and he is panicking. GO! Don’t look back.
A country song comes to mind. Play it for him. It’s a little to late by Mark Chestnut
You don’t have to stay with someone who spent over 25 years demeaning you and doing things that caused you to stop loving him.
You are not his emotional rehab center.
You are allowed to choose what is best for YOU.
I’ve heard it said that a woman will begin by treating a man the way she wants to be treated till she is broken at which point she treats him like he treated her all along. If your heart isn’t in it, walk away!
If you don’t love him then don’t stay. You don’t owe him anything, you’re not obligated to him, you can forgive him and still move on. You are choosing your own happiness for once and that’s perfectly o.k.
If you don’t love him and know you can’t get that love back that’s your answer. Life is too damn short
Leave. work out the financial issues. Life is too short
Time to put yourself first!! Run run run!!! you deserve it, you’ve put in your time. Apology without change is manipulation and it sounds like you’ve already had time to grieve the relationship. Deff go, you’ve earned it, you owe it to yourself!
Leave peacefully express to him how it’s hurts to go and how much you care ,and then go live your life ! Go to the beach ,frolick in a field ,go to a bar or a play or the races ! Put you first
They only put forth effort until you agree to stay. Then it goes back to how it always was.
Leave- move on.
You get one life (as far as we know),… make the most of what little you could have left!
No. You are NOT wrong. You put him and your family as a priority. He did not. Now it’s time for you to put YOURSELF as the priority! Do it without an ounce of guilt. You deserve happiness!
Hes not trying to make things work he wants to stop you from leaving …put yourself first for a change
Nope life is too short to be unhappy. Because he wants to come in at the last second and try? Too little too late.
Only live once and you deserve to be happy and live your life!!!
You aren’t wrong.
Done is done.
Don’t sacrifice yourself over promises that a man already made and didn’t keep. I’d run my ass out of there so fast he would wonder if I was in the basement doing laundry.
Leave & live you life w peace & happiness. Xoxo🦋
Too little to late. He should have been doing this a long time ago. Do what makes you happy.
Leave the good only lasts a short while sounds like you were his mommy not his wife
Make the choice that makes you happy. Start your new chapter. Too little too late.
No you’re not wrong. Why be with someone you don’t love or that doesn’t love you, never has and won’t change.
For your sanity just leave him. He doesn’t appreciate you so do what’s right for your kids and yourself and be free.
You need to leave, you won’t be sorry!
For him its now too little too late. You tried with him for years. Time to think of yourself.
Not wrong at all. People deserve to be happy and woth someone that treats them well
He’s scared he’s losing his housekeeper. Don’t feel bad. Go find happiness. Why chance 25 more years of unhappiness?
He treated you poorly for 25 years. Do not feel guilty for loving yourself like he should have been loving you. You have the right to happiness no matter what that looks like. You’ve given more than half your life to someone who didn’t appreciate it. Don’t give anymore time that you can’t get back. Hugs!!!
He’s gaslighting you. He tells you YOU’RE the problem for having feelings and expectations…so the more you express the more he purposely excludes what you need from him. Then when you threaten to DO something and he realizes you’re serious, he all of a sudden can behave… Don’t fall for it. This is classic narcissistic behavior. If he cared about you, it wouldn’t have taken 25 years to get what you need out the relationship. He knows after 25 years, alimony will cost him, plus child support and half the assets of the marriage. It’ll cost him, but at this point, he deserves it. Dont you dare feel bad. It’s too little too late.
Run Run away and dont look back
It’s totally another life after a divorce. No I don’t agree with mistreatment or infidelity. But are you going to be financially able to care for yourself and your children. Because of equal treatment women basically have to take care of themselves. Your husband may pay child support but that’s not a lot. And your children split between two homes. If all that works out for you then make sure you’re doing the right move. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Pray about it and best wishes to you and your family.
You are never wrong for your feelings. You deserve to be happy!
Pack ya bags and fuck off xx
He has had a long time to practice treating you right….say goodbye !
Girl I’ve only been with this guy I’m living with for 1.5 years and it’s the same shit! I’m over it and feel like roommates. I feel so stuck.
Your statement of- I just don’t love him anymore and I never will no matter how hard he tries
That is your own answer n if you truly feel that way that’s your choice… no right or wrong as long as you know n truly decide outcome forever
36 years try 20 more then see how it is your a pro 36 years and just now thinking about it ?
Go live now and find a man who will prioritize you.
Please leave, you deserve it!!! Time for YOU
Went thru this with my ex when i left him. Trust me he’s only doing that so you don’t leave. He sounds like a classic narcissist. That’s what they do. Don’t feel guilty. You’re doing what’s right for you. I’m MUCH happier now than I ever was with him.
Don’t feel bad. You have got to make your self happy
Sounds like you should have left a long time ago. Go find some joy. Is this what you want for the years you have left?
Leave.!! He doesn’t deserve you.
You have the right to be happy
Find a new Love and a new Life you deserve it
I think you should leave and if he is really true than maybe you can date again and get to know each other all over and maybe even get back together. But, you can’t stay and keep taking it. He will end up with that other girl.
No you’re not. It sounds like it’s about time you love yourself.
He’s manipulative. He’s controlling. He’s guilt-tripping you! Won’t take long and you will feel relieved to be away from him.
My husband never gives me compliments he says if he needs to tell me I look good then I’m insecure
Leave. He is trying because called him out.
If he had treated you like shit this long then it isn’t gonna change.
LEAVE AND DO YOU!
Leave! The sick feeling will go away. You have suffered for 25 years - isn’t that long enough? He is “trying” because if you walk (which you should) he won’t have a servant to wait on him hand and foot. Been in this situation many years ago after 25 years together. I finally decided that I was important and what I wanted mattered and I walked. I have never looked back. In the beginning it was hard - and I almost buckled but I found things to take my mind off being alone. Loving life and enjoying everyday!!
Leave him; he’ll never change.
throw the whole man away
I think for the first time in 25 yrs it’s YOUR TURN! Have fun and be safe:pray:
He will ONLY try until he thinks you aren’t going anywhere. Then he will get comfortable again and treat you the same he always has. I’m assuming your children are older now and have their own lives. MOVE ON. Find your peace! Learn who YOU are or who you want to be and don’t let another man hold you back
Dont feel bad just go. You will feel a weight lift after you leave.
Make yourself the priority! You can’t feel this anymore or you will have stress related health problems if you don’t already?!
He’s only sorry he got caught. Leave him and find true happiness.
once you are done you know it, time to move on and love yourself
There is nothing to be guilty about. Place the blame where it lives and give yourself a break.
You have to look after yourself
43 together, 39 married! I left! Minus a few of your reasons you just described my life! I left!!