Am I wrong to not going to my daughters graduation because her dad is there?

Question? My daughter is 17, she will be graduating next year. Me and her father do not get along. I cant stand him so bad I don’t want to see him. I have never disliked a person so bad like I do to him. He has never given or helped me ever with her. No money towards birthday parties or her needs. He was in jail from when she was 9 months old until she was 5. He sees her once in a blue moon. He started having contacts with my daughter from since she was 12 but only once in a blue moon. I have told my daughter to not ask him for no money but now she is graduating and she has told him to me he DOES NOT deserve for her to be at her graduation. I do not want to be at her graduation if he is going. And no im sorry I can’t put differences aside because when it comes to him he always tries to make a scene when we are face to face. Am I wrong for not going to her graduation if he is going??? This is really hurting me as I want to be there for her.


Wow! If you’re willing to miss one of the biggest days of her life bc u cant put differences aside for a couple of hours then you honestly dont even deserve to go. You sound so selfish. That is your daughter and you are making her choose between you two.


That’s your babies graduation you’re supposed to be there. Doesn’t matter how you feel about her father. This is selfish :unamused: you both are two grown adults act like it. She needs love and support she’s going out into the world the right thing is to set the example and go and be happy you have the opportunity to watch your baby cross that stage.


You are definitely in the wrong. It’s not about you and your drama with her father, it’s about HER. That is a huge milestone for a child.


You are absolutely wrong. This is about your daughter, who worked hard m, did the right thing and is being acknowledged for her accomplishment. It has nothing to do with your feelings toward her dad. This day is all about her. If you love her, then you show up and support her and do not make her choose between her parents.


So because he might show you are going to let it drive a wedge between you and your daughter? That makes 0 sense. U dont have to sit by him nor be around him. But not being there for her will probably do more harm to her relationship with you then having to see him


Yes you’re wrong, you don’t need to sit with him or speak to him but she will he hurt if you’re not there and you will forever have regret … it only happens once


You are so in the wrong. This is a big moment for your daughter. And your worried about seeing her father because you hate him. It’s not about you. It’s about your daughter!!


Yes! Full stop you are wrong. That’s your child. You show up for your child. You never ever let anyone or anything keep you from showing up for you kid. Ever. This will be one of the biggest days of her life. Show up for her.


Yes. You are 100% without a doubt wrong. She is your child. Your love for her should far outweigh any hatred you have for him. Whether you like it or not, at some point in your life you chose him. You chose to have a child with him. You will be connected to him in some form for the rest of your life. You can either choose to be the bigger person and be cordial, or you can continue to give your daughter ultimatums. This is about your daughter, not you or her father.


Absolutely. It isn’t about you or him, it’s her day. You should 100% be there to support her.


Yes it is wrong not to go .ok so you really hate your ex but you go to support your daughter and show her how proud you are


I’m sorry but yes I believe you are in the wrong. This is a very important moment in your daughters life, it’s not her fault and she did not ask for you two to not get along.
I understand not wanting to be around someone by all means I get that, but that day should be about your daughter. She may tell you it’s ok to miss it, but it will hurt her and she will never forget it. You raised her, you are what she knows, you are her home, dont let anything or anyone stop you from being there for her!


Its not our decision to say whats right and wrong for your life. However, your daughter will miss you if you arent there. You have no guarantee that he will even show up. Clearly he has a great track record for showing up the rest of her life. So of he does show, hes not there to support your daughter. He is there to hurt you. Girl, I would dress to impress, sit on the front row screaming “thats my baby” when she walked that stage, and smile from ear to ear at him! YOU are the reason shes walking that stage. Id make sure to tell him “your welcome for raising such an amazing child” as you walked out with your daughter. Leavr him sitting there looking like the exact kind of “father” he is.


You are wrong. That is YOUR child too. You raised her, and for you to not be there is wrong.
Ask her how she would feel.


This is not about you . This is a big day for your daughter . You need to be there front and center with a big smile !


Yes you are WRONG! You should celebrate that she is graduating, as most children with at least one parent incarcerated are less likely than a child that does not to graduate. If this ‘person’ still gets to you this much, you may need to seek help with a counselor to help you process your resentment. I understand you may feel your child was slighted, but you were not, and to allow another to have such power and control over you indicates you may not "hate’ him as much as you proclaim. Hate/Anger are not emotions, but usually come from feelings of hurt, disappointment etc. Forgive yourself that the partner you chose to parent with didn’t measure up, forgive HIM for not being what you thought he should be, but mostly forgive him to release the hold He has on you.


You will regret it by not going! This is once in a lifetime! She deserves your support and you deserve to be there because you have supported her to get there! She will be so torn and so hurt!! Have your support with you and ignore him! It’s not about you or him…its about her! Some parents don’t get the privilege of seeing their children grow up and graduate. There will also be a wedding possibility one day…better learn to deal with it or she’ll lose all respect for you! You’re the example to her!


IMO you are completely wrong. Stand away from him , walk away from him if he approaches. Your child should not ever have to suffer bc you two don’t get along . To me it’s ridiculous that missing her graduation is even an option just because he will be somewhere under the same roof . I hope you realize you would be making a terrible mistake and ultimately hurting your child in the end


Yes you are absolutely in the wrong. You not going only hurting daughter. Just sit in different areas, I despise my ex-husband we always sit on opposite sides. Cause when it boils down to it, not about him and I. All about our baby special day


When i told my mom i wanted to invite my dad to my graduation, she said she would cancel the after party and none of the family would show up. So i had my dad come anyway and asked him to sit in the middle of the crowd in the bleachers. I went to a small school and our stage was in the gym. The parents (mostly) sat on the gym floor behind the graduates so the ‘parent appreciation’ part went faster. My mom didn’t stick around after the ceremony so she could get food put for the party, so i had time to talk to my dad. He wasn’t in my life for a good 5-8 years total, but he still helped give me life and wanted to see me walk aross the stage and get my diploma


Yes, I would have to say that would be wrong of you. Sit on opposite sides, do what you have to do as an adult but missing your daughters graduation is a bit unforgivable in my opinion, especially just because two grown adults can’t get along. It’s about her, not y’all.


Yes you’re wrong. Be the bigger person if he tries to start something walk away. Make sure you’re not sitting anywhere near him.


Yes you’re wrong. You raised her mostly alone, she deserves more than you being petty and selfish about this. Sit on opposite sides.


Ever graduation I’ve been to you just need a ticket, not assigned seating. You don’t necessarily have to see him!!!


All I’m hearing is “I”. Put your big girl pants on and be there for your daughter. This isn’t about you!


I understand your hatred for your ex, but this is for your daughter. I wasn’t on good terms with my family (due to some things that happened in the past with my daughter) and I wasn’t happy with her dad either because he was in and out of her life from when she was 2 and we never heard from him until she was 15…well, I showed up at my daughter’s high school graduation for HER because I wanted to be there and support her, I didn’t even think about anyone else at the time. You should definitely be there for her

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You are wrong for this and you will regret it, and you’re making your daughter choose and it’s hurtful to her to have you missing on such a special day.


Because you asked, yes, you are wrong. You go anyway. It is not to see him; going is for your baby. That is y’alls combined accomplishment as both a supporting parent and hardworking child! She is going to officially enter the adult world and being there to support her in that moment can set the tone for her belief in you being there and it shouldn’t matter how you feel about her father. It takes away from her accomplishment and moment for you to make it about you, her father, and your issues. You are the adult and should act like it. She needs your love and presence as she walks the stage. I’m sure she wouldn’t be as in the moment or happy if you were not there and you’d regret it as well. Prayers for you in this situation.


Be the bigger person and go your daughter will appreciate it I whent through the same thing and I’m glad I did so was my daughter and don’t give him that kind of control

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Put your differences and hate to the side and grow up. You are her mother and he is her father. He has just as much right to be there as you do. Whatever happened between yall 2 for yall to split that is between yall. Stop with the drama. Graduation from H.S. only comes 1 time. Can’t go back and do it again. So grow up. Just sit on opposite end of room away from him and avoid him then. But if your daughter wants to talk to her father she can so grow up and just be there. You know like 2 grown adults should be doing and acting. You’re making her choose between both of yall and she shouldn’t have to do that if you were mature which you aren’t by the sound if it. Immature selfish acting like a child is what I will call you. It is not about you or him. It is about HER.


If she doesnt even want him there then the least you could do is the be the parent to her and be there so she atleast has one parent there. Its about her and no one else. At the end of the day what shes gonna remember is who showed up and who didnt and whether she wants her dad there or not shes gonna remember you not being there.

Don’t go them, I wouldn’t let anything stop me from watching my child walk across the stage INCLUDING her dad! If I was her and you missed my graduation over that, it would probably be the last time for a while I spoke to you.

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You don’t have to be face to face, separate yourselves. That’s your child and one of the most important days of her life so far, you absolutely have to be there. How selfish to even consider not going.


My kids did not want me at their graduations but I went early and got a front row seat. They never mentioned it but I know they liked it. I left town for one and never saw her graduate…from HS but I did see her graduate from college. I knew she was hurt I did not see her graduate from HS. It s not about parents that day it is about child. They are the most important. You can sit on opposite side of arena.just be there.


Throughout life we will have to encounter people we don’t like. You have to decide what’s more important, being there for your daughter or not being there because of your ex.

She missed out on having a father present throughout her life, is it really fair that she will now have to miss out on her mother being present on one of the most important days of her life?

My children’s father wasn’t present for the majority of their life and I am owed $60,000 in child support. But on THEIR day I let THEM decide if they wanted him at their graduation. One kid wanted him at hers and the other kid didn’t. The graduation that he attended actually made my child’s day that he actually showed up for something. And watching her feel special made my day.

I feel that you are putting your child in a bad position by making her choose who gets to go.


You are giving him way too much power over your happiness.
You seriously can’t be proud of your accomplishment as well as your daughters?
YOU did it! You raisesd a successful human being! Be PROUD!


I went through the same thing when I had my graduation my parents said that they wouldn’t come if the other was there and vice versa I sat them down and told them that if they couldn’t get along for one day I didn’t want either one of them it’s not about you or him it’s about your child graduating which you will never get back if you don’t go

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This is 100000% wrong. You don’t have to sit next to him. You don’t have to talk to him. But that’s your child. You go and be there. You’ll regret it if you don’t and I’m sure your child will be super disappointed.

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That might be one of the most selfish things I have ever read. Put your big girl panties on, and be the bigger person. You need to be the adult for your child. Stop acting like the child.


Yes, you are wrong. I was at my ex stepdaughter’s graduation and never saw her father.


You go! I would not invite him if that’s what needs to be done but you def need to be there. Best wishes to you all and I pray you’ll be able to get some peace over the situation.


I seriously have no words for this. I’m gonna try to be nice cause I really don’t have anything nice to say. Your daughter will never forgive you if YOU as the parent you claim to be that YOU raised her and you were there for her and because her dad is gonna be there you won’t go? How selfish are you? This isn’t about you or him. This is about your daughter. Grow up. Your daughter graduates only once from highschool. You miss it because you are too childish to just ignore her dad and stay away from him and support your daughter shows what kinda person you could be. I say could be because I always say we don’t know the full story and all that. I would take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror.


If he shows up to her wedding are you gonna miss that too?

Is this even a serious question!? I don’t know how small her school is, but graduations draw large crowds. Seems pretty easy to avoid him.


I truly try my hardest to not judge people and to try understand their perspective on things…but I absolutely cannot stand people with this mentality. Who cares what you feel toward him. It’s not about you or him. It’s about your child!!! She is graduating! You are hurt because you want to be there, but can’t put your differences aside? That’s a you problem, you are only hurting yourself. She clearly wants both of her parents there. You need to grow up, be the adult you are and be there for her, regardless if he’s there or not.


What did I just read???
My mother was emotionally and sometimes physically abused by my father for most of their married life, and even after they divorced he refused to move out of the house. If my mom said she would take me and my sister and leave he would threaten to kill us or my mom or her parents. She eventually managed to get him out of her life. Even though she went through all that heartache, trauma and abuse, she went to my graduation knowing that he will be there. She did it for me, because she loves me and wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world. You say you love your daughter? Then go to her graduation!!! Who cares if he is going to be there or not. Show up and show him he has no control over you anymore!!!

Yup. You’re making it about you. It’s HER day HER moment. She will never graduate high school again and you’re gonna miss that for someone who you don’t even have to sit next to? Regardless of him being a crappy dad, if she wants him there you shouldn’t stop that. It’s still her dad and she’s old enough to make some decisions especially when it comes to special moments in her life. (And there will be more.) are you going to miss her wedding, babyshower, grandkids birthdays because he’ll be there? Grow up.


Yea, you’re wrong. You dont have to sit next to him


Yes you’re wrong. You are hurting your daughter by not being there on her special day. Swallow your pride and go for her!


This is not about YOU. This is for your daughter. Grow up and be there for her. You are being selfish. What happens if he bails on her and you are not there because you are worried about yourself? Then she won’t have anyone there on her big day! Show up and just ignore him- if he actually comes. Do not make this about you!

If I was your daughter in this situation and my mom didn’t know how to act like an adult and show up I would probably never forgive her.

If I were you. I will swim cross the ocean to be at my child’s graduation. Sit in the room where you can’t see his face.
Be there for your daughter. Remember that special won’t be a repeated. This is a one special day for your daughter not for him.

Why the need to ask if you seriously feel you are on the right side … It’s not your graduation anyway , here’s the thing mother … love over pride …simple , if you love your child…be there no matter what …if you love your pride …then don’t , give your pride respect …

I’m sorry but I’ve had to deal with circumstances like this myself. But if you do not go or one of you can’t go because the other does that is hurting your daughter also. Should put your feelings aside on your daughters very special day. You do not have to socialize with each other you’re there for your daughter. if you are hurt by this you can only imagine what it does to her and that’s not fair. Your feelings are your feelings and I can understand but that should not affect her no. I’m sorry but that’s just my opinion. 

You shouldn’t deprive yourself of that memory my ex husband and I both went to my daughters we didn’t even see each other the whole time I knew he was there but never once ran into him and this was a class of 28 graduating

My ex and I didn’t sit together, completely different sections. We took pics after individually, we never looked at each or spoke. We were there for her!

Do you have too set anywhere near him .we I went too my gkids we walked in and set where ever we want too .I would go you don’t have too be around him at all if so just walk the other direction

Yes you are wrong. Be an adult and be there for her. Most schools have plenty of seating. You can sit away from him. Chances are, he won’t even show. You need to be there regardless of him. Remember it’s her day not yours. Get over it. There will be many occasions that both of you may attend. Wedding, new babies, birthdays and many more. You don’t have to be beasties just civil adults. Try asking your daughter what she wants!


You deserve to be there so I would not let him control the situation by making you feel that you do not want to go just to avoid him. Go anyway but stay away from him. Your daughter will be so happy that you are there.


Yes, you’re wrong. Grow up and go. You can ignore him during the ceremony, and don’t even have to sit near him. :roll_eyes:
I can’t believe you are trying to justify your childish decision not to attend your daughter’s graduation.

I understand your feelings but suck it up. You are the adult here and your daughter worked hard for this. Be the parent, put your feelings aside and show up. You want her to remember you being there more than you want her to remember your not being there. Your love for her should be greater than your hate for him.

I’m sorry I only read first 2 sentences and couldn’t no more :woman_facepalming:t3: that’s you baby girl ! I don’t give a crap about your feelings towards your ex ! You put your big girl pants on and support your baby. Trust me she will not give a crap on your excuses. She’ll just know you let her down . Be a good mom !

I’m sorry but yes you are wrong. You go for her because it is her day. Also we have had 4 kids graduate and it has always been at a huge auditorium with a tons of people there so you most likely wouldn’t see him anyways . Tell her to meet you at a certain spot afterwards when she is done seeing her father if he does show

You are definitely wrong…there is absolutely no way I would miss my child graduating because of some ex. That is a huge milestone in your child’s life and something your child would never forget if you didn’t attend.

Yes you are wrong. You don’t have to speak to him but you should definitely be there for your daughter. You will regret it if you don’t.

Absolutely wrong. The end. It’s not about you or her dad. It’s about her?

WOW…That’s pretty messed up that you could actually hate him More than you love your daughter. GROW UP.


Ain’t no way in hell I’d miss my child’s high school graduation bc of her dad being there. Just Don’t sit anywhere near him :woman_shrugging:

The best advice I was ever given…
“Love your child more than you hate your ex”


It’s her big day you are so wrong for not going because he “might” show up.

No excuse to miss your child’s graduation. My ex is seriously the worst person I’ve ever met and I would never let his presence cause me to miss any of kids graduation or big event in their life. Ain’t no way he’s having that much power over me! I don’t care what he does or how he tries to cause a scene in front of others, that reveals his character and I can choose to walk away from that. It’s her night it’s not about you, swallow your pride and stop being selfish and show up for your kid!!! Ignore him! Focus on her.

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Is this about your daughter ?? Or is this about your needs.


Ewwwww you sound just like my mom!!! And let me tell you, it fucking hurts when your one parent refuses to be civil for literally a couple of hours to be there for you. My mom has never been to one of my daughters birthday parties I throw for her because my dad and step-mom are there, she is 7 almost 8 years old now. You are being petty and just down right nasty towards your daughter even if you don’t realize it.

When it comes to your children NOTHING should ever stop you from being there for one of yours… I say this coming from experience… my ex husband was such a piece we won’t go into on here., But nevertheless when our son graduated I was not letting anything stop me from being there. Not even my ex husband with new wife and kids or ex in laws I have had issues with and them with me since I was 10 years old. So in my opinion truthfully do what you feel you need to do - but you are hurting your daughter not your ex. Just shows him he can have his way… we as parents are called to do a job. Some of those duties include doing things we don’t always want to and having to eat ALOT of crow and crap just for our babies to know they can and always will be able to count on us… especially going on into this scary world. Don’t let her down when she is needing you More than ever Mom… hope this helps.

Hated for your ex is more than your love for your daughter. Put your child first, that’s called being a mom


I read the first sentence and didn’t need to read further. Yes. You’re wrong.

Yes sit on the opposite side of the place if need be! Get along for her at least!! It’s 1 day not the rest of your life!


Your wrong you put that shit to the side for your daughter its her big day you sound so petty

Wow bitter much? Probably will be so crowded you wouldn’t even see eachother.

It’s not your day it’s hers. If you choose not to be there you are letting him win. He’ll have that memory not you.

Wow! All I’m going to say is if you do not go you’re daughter will more than likely hate you just as much if not more than you hate her dad! Get it together! We all have to deal with our baby daddy’s and believe me mine isn’t a prize winner either but I have to suck it up and deal with it for my kids - we chose them as the other parent.

You are 1 million percent in the wrong. This is your daughter’s big day. You need to be an adult and handle your emotions and be there for your child.

Nothing or nobody would ever make me miss my kids graduation or anything for that matter. You go act accordingly and if he acts out then let the school or police deal with him. Walk away.

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She will never forget it and he could care less. Quit being petty and be a mother. I have three worthless baby daddies, but id never deny one of my children joy over them being crappy. That is literally insane.

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Yes, you are wrong for not going. And you would be wrong to tell her not to invite him. Suck it up for her sake, they only time you need to be together is for the meal. And then you can move to another table to mingle.

That is your daughter. How dare you make her pick. She is going to hate you for this. Just because you hate her father. Be a bigger person and go. You will never be able to get that wonderful day back.

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Most graduations are so big you may not even see him

You supporting your daughter is much more important than you being temporarily uncomfortable it’s not about you lady…

Yes I’m sorry but you’re wrong. You’re the adult, show your daughter that

You are totally in the wrong. You are her mother so act like it. Do you have any idea how many parents don’t get to see their child graduate because they passed away or dropped out? Shame on you for putting your pettiness above your daughter’s accomplishment.

Grow up. This is a BIG day for your daughter. Go.


This is so wrong. Go see your child graduate!!! You don’t have to sit next to him or say a word to him. The fact that you’d consider skipping her graduation, means you care more about your pride than seeing your daughter celebrate this milestone… selfish! Who cares if he was in jail or didn’t help… if she wants him there, that’s for HER!

You can be there for HER. He is not part of your LIFE. But he is a part of hers. You show c your daughter that she is more important than anything issues that he ever caused you. These are the times we sacrifice our own comfort for the sake of our children. ANYONE can be ignored with exception of your daughter.

This is about your daughter take as many family and friends with you and maybe this will lessen the uncomfortable situation.l know she would want you there this is a great moment in her life that you don’t want to miss.Let God handle him .Bless you and your daughter.

Yeah, you’re going to 100%, absolutely regret missing her graduation if you don’t go over a bad relationship with her father. You can’t go back in time and make up for the important things that you’ve missed. You should be at her graduation.

My mom was kinda in the same position.
My dad came cause I wanted him there,
My mom came cause I wanted her there too.
They were both civil.
It will be one of your daughter greatest accomplishments and you’ll regret not going cause you couldn’t put your feelings aside for 1-3hrs :roll_eyes:

I feel for your daughter’s future if you can’t even put aside your own issues to see YOUR BABY graduate! No one said you have to sit with him but to not be there to support your child because " you don’t like your child’s father" is (I’m sorry to word it this way but) a sorry excuse for a parent. Put your issues to the side and do what is right for your child…you know…the one that you created with her father! It is not her responsibility to deal with her parents issues because one can’t stand the other for whatever reason. PLEASE do not put her in the middle of “her parents issues with each other” specially if she is on good terms with both of you!

Honestly coming from someone who would have given anything to have my parents at my graduation, please go. Stay away from your ex if you need to but be there for your daughter.

Don’t get me wrong my grandparents were there to see me graduate and celebrate with me and for that I’m grateful ( they raised me after I lost my parents ) but it was a bittersweet moment for me

Yes mam you are… this is your daughter only day she’s graduating highschool suck it up…The building is big you don’t have to sit anywhere where he is sitting at… You will regret this if you don’t go and your daughter will be heartbroken and she will remember her milestone and know her Mom refused to be there…

I can’t understand holding that much hate or animosity for someone that seems to be a non factor in you or your daughters lives. So much so that you will willingly punish your daughter and yourself by not showing up for one of the biggest moments of her life. It’s been 17 years it’s time to get over whatever happened between you two and put your differences aside. This moment isn’t about you or him it’s about your daughter & nothing or no one should stop you from showing up and being there.