I’m so sorry for your loss. If they friend didn’t know when you reached out maybe they were not in a situation to answer. Did you leave a message what had happened? I don’t know the whole situation however if you are not answering replying maybe they think you don’t want to talk to them. If it’s a close longtime friend, have a talk how it made you feel. Let her explain. Then if you feel she isn’t being respectful make a decision. I will tell you, don’t expect people to act and do the way you do. It usually doesn’t go that way. Prayers it all works out.
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You can’t expect people to do for you what you do for them. People are not the same. A lot of people don’t know how to support someone in that situation, it’s not easy. You can’t expect people to put there life on hold because your going through something, that’s not fair to expect that from anyone. As soon as your friend knew what was going on she’s contacted you daily. If you want to throw a friend away for a miscommunication tha miss communication that’s your decision but it is not right.
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No your not in the wrong but I’d talk to them first before deciding wether or not to let the friendship go
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Never expect people to be you. Always do what you feel is right, continue to treat people as you would want to be treated but understand that they won’t be the ones that pay bk that karma other people will be. Never do anything to expect anything in return. And some people don’t know how to act or what to say when people loose someone they love and they prob feel you want space because your not repond8ng . Regardless sounds like they are damned if u do damned if u don’t. Your emergency is not their burdens.
No you are not wrong. People like that are users
You are judging others like your self. Try not to
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Unfortunately if they aren’t able to help suddenly that’s just life sometimes. Them not texting back after is worse though. If i were you I’d apologize for getting upset with them when things were fresh and say you’d really like someone to talk to though. See where it goes from there. Not everyone knows what to do during grief, some people like to be alone and some people need friends being close and checking in on them. I’d give them one more chance.
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Happened to me when I lost my husband. I just put a distance between us and let it be over.
I love your strength, you did just perfect. your cycles of friendship should be small, reasonable and responsible.
U are good, they don’t deserve u
I think you overreacted a bit. But it was understandable with what you were going through. Your friends were truly busy and didn’t know what happened so I don’t think you can fault them for that
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You can’t expect you out of other people.
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Over reaction as far as them not being available. They didn’t know. And can’t really judge them not responding to the text unless we know what was said. If it was harsh that may be why they didn’t reach out.
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I can understand you’re hurt. But they have texted you and you chose not to answer them? You need to talk it out and find out their side of the story before ending a friendship.
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Expectations of others will be your biggest downfall.
Do you have proof that your friend wasn’t legitimately busy and unable to help? If you don’t, I think you’re being unreasonable.
Nobody OWES us what we decide to give them. You made the choice to be a certain way. Which is fantastic. But holding that yard stick to everyone else is unreasonable.
Also, you’re grieving and bound to be a little more emotional. Which is valid.
Take your time. I’m sorry for your loss♥️
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Uhm well me and my best friends miss calls and sometimes take days to call each other back. We are okay and understand. Butttt if if texted the tragic news my best friend would be there in heart beat to help, vice versa.
No, you don’t know who your true friends are until you’re in the fire. Now you know where you stand. It’s not a good/bad or right/wrong solution. You just need to read the room, if you will, and adjust to what’s best for you. Doesn’t mean end the friendship. That might not be that friend’s strong suit but they could be Johnny-on-the-Spot in another circumstance. Perspective & understanding go a long way. Good luck.
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Walk away, I learnt that the hard way.People take you for granted,too often and they won’t stop,you have to stop it.
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I have learned never to expect anything from anyone. That way you won’t be disappointed with them.
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No ur not in the wrong but before u continue pulling away, find out first what was the reason they couldn’t help. Maybe they just had alot going on at that time and was unable to leave right away
I wouldn’t pull away totally, maybe just put them on hold and think not brood about it.
No one knows how to react when a person loses someone close to them. They called you but you decided not to talk, they text you but you won’t respond. They can’t be there for you if you don’t allow them to. You are showing signs of wanting to be left alone. They are giving you the space that you have indicated that you wanted
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Forgiveness works wonders
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Yes, you are in the wrong. The world doesnt revolve around you. Other people have lives and their own stuff going on too.
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It sounds like they’re trying to help you, but you’re not responding. Obviously they can’t read your mind; if you don’t communicate and tell people what it is that you need, your needs will not get met. You’ve got to do your part in the relationship as well. Just because you’d respond in a certain way “I’d drive over…” that doesn’t mean others would. This person has been sending you texts every day, according to you. They are thinking of you and trying to be there for you. Cut them a little slack. You’re not responding. You’re sending out a clear signal that you want to be left alone. If that’s not the case, then pick up the phone and call or text that person and begin communicating.
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No, you are not. I wouldn’t cut the friendship, however now I would know not to prioritize that friendship.
They arent mind readers. Ask for what you need help with and if they dont help, then withdraw.
I think you are processing this from a place of grief. When you called they couldn’t help, I don’t know their reasoning. They have since tried to reach out and you don’t answer or return calls. Communicating with someone who is grieving is hard and your not answering is a sign of wanting to be left alone, and perhaps they are trying to respect that. Be careful of the conversation you are having with yourself. Don’t convince yourself they are bad friends who don’t care without talking to them.
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Did you leave a voicemail stating what the emergency was? No offense to you, idk you so Idk if this applies but I’ve had a friend who had an “emergency” very often. Probably at minimum 2xs a month. It got to the point that I didn’t take her emergencies seriously. She was ‘crying wolf’. I didn’t have the time, energy or money to solve her emergencies any more. Maybe your friend feels this way or was honestly busy. If you stated what actually happened & they still wouldn’t help I couldn’t stay friends with them. Like who doesn’t help a friend during the loss of a parent? Not a friend for sure.
Been in a similar situation best to walk
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Sounds like they are trying to be there for you but you won’t answer them. You can’t expect them to be there at the drop of a dime. It’s unrealistic expectations. I’m sorry for you loss. Answer for your friend. Maybe even apologize.
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People have other priorities. You’re not the center of the universe.
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You are not wrong however your friend deserves to know why you are pulling away you need to tell them how hurt you are that you needed help and were ignored but have always been there for them.
I am sorry for your loss. Sometimes grief clouds our judgement and we don’t see that others are actually there for us. All we see is our pain and it truly is difficult to see much else. With your friend continually reaching out via text and you ignoring it…doesn’t mean they aren’t there. She is obviously trying to be there for you. And at the time of your desperate need, you must also realize they were in there own personal struggle (that you are unaware of too) and unfortunately couldn’t help at that particular moment. But realize she is trying to reach you now…. Just answer the call and allow yourself to cry on her shoulder. She is there.
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They are reaching out daily and that’s not enough for you?! They can’t read your mind and sometimes even if they wanted to drop everything and help they can’t that doesn’t mean they don’t care or that they can’t try and be there in different ways for you. Yes I think your sad and trying to find someone to be mad at since that’s an easier emotion than grief.
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Nooooooooo. They need to know they can use you or mess with you like that. Do not speak to them! And, at this point ,there’s not one excuse,trust me they’re making some up as we speak. Later them,like in see ya later!!!
If you feel like you are being taken advantage of then no, not at all. However, what you are saying sounds confusing or like you’re in the wrong. I don’t know if I’m reading it wrong or if there’s something I’m not understanding, but more details would possibly help.
You said no answer to your call for help, but you talked to their spouse, then your friend called you back, but you didn’t answer, and then before giving anyone a chance to explain anything you send a sarcastic message, and then ignore them when they sound like they are reaching out to you- daily. Have you considered that maybe your grief is clouding your judgement or you’re lashing out in anger because it’s easier than grieving?
Also, I’m sorry for your loss.
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Personally I cut everyone off…I learned if I don’t call they don’t call either…very peaceful around here lately…family is everything and usually the only ones you can count on!!
I feel this. You are def coming from a place of pure grief and that ramps up ALL the feels. I learned that it’s better to not be so giving - give to yourself. I mean… still give… but think about gifting yourself the same energy you give away. Like a stockpile. I’m sorry no one is acknowledging your pain. I hope it gets better.
You can’t expect them to drop whatever they’re doing for you the moment something happens especially of they have other priorities. Then when they try to get in touch you dont answer them… I feel like you’re in the wrong here. People can’t know how you feel if you don’t tell them then you send them a passive aggressive message. Think of how they feel too. This whole thing is confusing. I am sorry for your loss.
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Communication is key, talk it out with them and let them how you feel, assess it from there and then take a step back or hold on to your friendship, you talking about being let down once. If it always happen then you don’t need friends who can’t be there for you
Yes, you are!!! I learned the bad way that my definition of friendship and my expectations are not the same for others , something we go / do above and beyond for our friends but that doesn’t mean that they have to be the same way to us to feel that they reciprocate our actions.I stop suffering from feeling that my friends were not as good as I was the moment I stopped comparing the way I’m to the way they are, and that doesn’t make them less of a friends
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You have to set boundaries. Clearly they don’t want to help. Or care as much as you do. Their actions or lack of speak for themselves.
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Sometimes people in grief need their space. And although they didn’t know it at the time, they probably feel they’ve already let you down and you not answering is your way of saying leave me alone. They may not want to make a bad situation worse for you. Reach out, give them a chance, explain your hurt feelings but remember in grief or crisis everything is magnified. If they can’t be there for you after that, you have your answer.
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Sometimes people just can’t drop everything even if you are having a crisis…it’s unfortunate…but I don’t think it was intentionally to hurt you…and she is texting you to check on you or he is whatever…showing their concern …I think you may be overreacting
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I am like you and use to get my heart hurt all the time, and still do sometimes… my best friend once told me not everyone can love the same way you do. Not everyone can give what you can, and now that I have kids I kinda understand. I am not the friend I use to be able to be, and to me that is ok. I also learned to appreciate people for what they could offer. There is someone in my family that promises things and falls through all the time, but if you have a baby or your kids need a swing set they are always there to get the big stuff. It was more heartbreaking because of the situation you were in but if the friend had of known that when you called the first time they probably would have picked up:/ I know it doesn’t help your broken heart but stay strong you got this, and ultimately you are who you can fully count on!
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Not wrong they are what I call a user. They take take and take some more and never give. Those friendships are toxic. You should just cut them off and find someone who is an actual friend cause this person isn’t.
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Nope not wrong. I’m the same way. I’m there for people will make time for you in my busy schedule and visit but I don’t get the same back cut them off
only you know that answer… did it hurt you? did you trust them? of course you did. and of course it did. follow your heart!!!
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Hell ya your trippin and high maintenance and not very compassionate, sounds one sided and selfish to call someone crying about your emergency. Over dramatic ppl usually get reduced to texts. Nobody got time for that shit, we’re all adults living just like you, struggling, dealing with loss etc. get over yourself.
I’m the same way with my friends I am always there for them as soon as they call/text but when I do they are always busy it sucks having so called friends like that
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People have their own lives, children and responsibilities. While what happened sucks (I lost my parents 10 months apart) it’s not anyones duty to drop what they are doing to meet your expectations.
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Just pull back and set a boundary. If the support isn’t mutual why keep giving your all if they don’t care to do the same.
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I don’t think your wrong ! I would pull back too
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Unfortunately so many people are very selfish . We live in a disposable society which is tragic as we are in danger of loosing our moral compass, our compassion and empathy for each other . I don’t think you have done anything wrong and isn’t friendship meant to be a two way street ? For some people the answer is No . I have been going through a very hard time for the last 2 years at least because of very poor mental health and physical health. I have my 2 best friends that have been friends with since the age of 13 and now we are 64 years old. I have a very close circle of friends and always have and have and will be there for them no matter what but when you loose your health both mental and physical that’s when true colours are seen so I understand your hurt and deeply sorry for the sudden loss of one of your parents and it’s a horrible time for you so this particular friend is a one sided friend if it was your friend that friend would expect you to be with them all the way but sadly it obviously doesn’t go both ways so if you want to sever ties with this person do it and do it quickly or you could get caught up in their life so much that you’ve lost your other friends , some people will bleed you until you have nothing left to give but they won’t care . They won’t care if you are loosing your mind or spending the majority of the time alone in the bathroom because of physical illness and you can’t leave the house because you need the security of your bathroom and privacy of your own bathroom believe me they will make you feel so bloody guilty for not being available to them . Some people are givers others are takers so only you can make this decision and I wish you nothing but the best of luck and peace of mind at this very sad time in your life 
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I don’t think it’s fair to be mad at your friend. You never know what she was going through, and she had no idea what you were going through and you send her a condescending message to make her feel bad. And now she is sending you messages trying to check on you and you won’t respond? I understand you’re going through a tough time, and you heart is hurting with puts you on edge in all aspects of your life, but if you friend is really trying that is what counts. And maybe she is giving her all in your friendship, but your all vs. her all may be interpreted different.
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I’ve dropped friends like that. The thing I’ve learned- never expect you from others.
I have learned not to have expectations so I don’t have disappointments. If I ask for help and they can’t give it, I let it go. If they help, I am grateful. I never know what is going on in someone else’s life.
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alwyas has and will stay that way
If someone was being shitty to me bc first of all I didn’t know what was happening and that I couldn’t drop everything and do for them at the moment they wanted I’d be pulling back and only checking in via text too. I know you’re deep in grief but that doesn’t mean you get to be crappy/manipulative towards your friends. Not to mention if they aren’t on the pickup list the school shouldnt be letting them take your kid anyways.
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Just because you’re the type of person to be there no matter what doesn’t mean everyone else is as well. Honestly and speaking as the person who is like you I think it’s selfish and irrational to drop a relationship over someone not dropping their life at a moments notice. It seems like you have a lot going on right now and have an expectation of your friends based on what you’d do and are upset that they’re not living up to that expectation. I think it’s a little harsh to drop the friendship over this.
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They could just be bad with dealing with loss, wether it’s their own or a friends. They might feel like they don’t know what to say or how to comfort. It’s def messed up they didn’t help in your situation but maybe talk it over with them and see what comes of that??
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Of course you’re hurt. But as you said your friend didn’t know that first day. And on that first day she returned your call but you didn’t pick up (answer) And then you began texting her. She texted back (answered) and you have not responded.
In addition she has reached out and texted every day without a response. What exactly are you expecting from her? She can’t go back and answer the phone that first day….she can’t change what happened. She can just keep trying to be a friend and do the best she can. It’s up to you if you receive that and forgive that people aren’t perfect.
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Not everyone can drop everything just for you. Personally I have no friends because I have 0 time for them anyway. I have nothing to offer them and can’t be there or constantly need to text or take their calls like that.
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So, you called and they didn’t answer - they could have been busy, not heard the call, etc, and they had no idea why you were calling. When you called their spouse and said it was a family emergency, the spouse was busy at the moment, but they obviously told your friend, because your friend called you back. But you intentionally didn’t answer out of pettiness.
You admit that they had no idea what had happened, yet you sent a passive aggressive text that night basically shitting on them for not being mind readers and not being able to immediately be where you wanted them to be/do what you wanted them to do.
They have been texting you DAILY, but you won’t respond because that’s apparently not good enough for you.
YES, you’re wrong. But please still walk away, because it sounds like these people will be better off without such an immature, irrational friend. If this was AITA, you would be TA.
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No you’re not wrong. Why have a one sided relationship because that’s what it is.
When someone shows you how they feel about you believe them.
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Btw, being UNABLE to meet unreasonable expectations doesn’t mean someone is UNWILLING to do anything they are capable of for you
If you have unreasonable expectations, you will ALWAYS be disappointed.
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Young one, the first thing you have to do is not to “expect” people to care the way you do. This only sets yourself up for disappointment. My heart hurts for you losing your parent. Parents are precious- and it sometimes seems people don’t realize or appreciate them until they are gone. As far as your friends are concerned- they may not know how to approach you , your loss, or their mistake for not being there. They are your friends - only you can decide what to do. Personally, it’s good to have “ friends” around when your heart hurts - they make you smile, and you can talk about your feelings ( even if they don’t listen- it’s good to get feelings out) Bless you, young one, and remember this - that what doesn’t kill you - makes you stronger. The love between you and your parent doesn’t end with the passing of one - it becomes stronger because now they are all around you.
Nope. I’m also in the process of sorting out the people who have access to my time. You only live once lovely don’t continue to waste time on those who don’t match your energy. You’ll find your tribe.
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No, you’re justified.
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What friendship? According to you they aren’t right?
Well only you know that. You know who is there for you and who isn’t. We can’t answer this for you.
Don’t expect ‘you’ from other people….
Besides, people have their own lives and their own issues to deal with.!
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sorry for your loss but seriously they may have been busy and now they reach out to you via text and you ignore them seems like you already made your choice. not everyone can drop everything at the drop of a hat
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You said you have T been responding yet they’ve been texting daily. Seems one-sided on your part…think how they would response if it were their situation.
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I feel you in this. I’m a drop everything and come now person. Even with 2 sometimes three kids. But when I need something noone comes to help me. Drop them they’re not friends. Friends don’t act that way
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Other people have their own shit going on. You didn’t even tell her what actually happened, family emergency could literally mean anything. I’d be backing away from you with your passive aggressive texts, unrealistic expectations and down right audacity thinking YOU should come before her own life.
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From experience, don’t drop this friend because they did not respond as you would have. They are not you, if you need them give them more than a once and done. I have no friends…at all…because I always expected to people to respond how I thought they should. I regret it.
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Perhaps youv’e asked too many times…cause that’s happened to me were I’m am taken advange of.
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Yes, reciprocity is part of being a good friend. If they don’t, they’re just acquaintances.
Your not wrong. Treat others how they treat you. Love yourself more
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You know these days all people have busy lives. Sometimes when your emergency happens others are going through stuff too. You can’t always expect people to run when you say. You should have a couple of different family and or friends that you can help or they can help you. Dump your friend if you must but tbh I don’t think it’s fair. Your probably being a bit selfish.
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I am a big supporter of give the same energy I’m given. It’s why I have zero really close friends.
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Don’t quit your friends. I’m like you, do any and everything for any ONE! Not a soul around if I need something. I’m not going to change who I am because others don’t reflect me. I like being considered one of a kind.
I was hurt recently when my brother and nephew died. I have 17 first cousins. 3 came to memorial service. The other 14 didn’t so much as call, text or send card. Sad
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It just feels like your angry you couldn’t find someone to pick your child up.
Expectations ruin everything, you can do what you feel is right for your friendship, but you can’t expect them to be your twin. An in all honesty, it’s completely fine for someone to say no to you or not drop everything they’re doing for you. Even if you would do the opposite, it doesn’t make them a horrible friend.
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Nope, you maybe realising, something. Why not invite them to meet over a coffee. Then ask is everything OK, it’s either they are really busy, or they might be miffed about something. Or cook them a meal, in appreciation. Or box of chocolates, and him his favorite tipple, saying you just wanted to show them how much you appreciate them.
This just showed you to stop being there for people when they call you. Yes, people aren’t going to be a you but if this is a consistent thing then move on.
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So…your friends have lives and weren’t available asap. They got back to you, but not soon enuf for your entitled standards. Despite you being a sick, they’re checking on you daily and being respectful by not calling.
Yes, you did the right thing relieving them of you. They deserve better.
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I am so sorry this has happened to you. It did happen to me as my standards for friends is also very high. I have pulled back from them and yes I do talk to them but it is not the same. I have lost the respect I had for them and nothing can change that so what are you going to do answer their text but be cool towards them until you feel confident that their standards of friendship are the same as yours
No, I wouldn’t stop being friends. Some situations, you have no control. You never know everyone’s situations.
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i think you should drop them
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Might listen to them and find out why they did not respond.
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Personally I have an extremely small circle of friends around me. I don’t deal with drama or users. The fact that you’re asking says it all. Get rid. Life’s too short to be dealing with that
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When my ex best friend lost her mum suddenly I dropped everything for her n her family n went there that same day n stayed for ages until I had to go back to my home town for my aunt’s funeral… Fast forward 4 mths my mum was admitted to icu for a MTh n we ended up losing my mum not once was my ex best friend there… Was always an excuse to why she couldn’t be there for me… Mind u I was my mums career for 7 yrs n had left my mum to be there for my ex best friend… Iam still friends with my ex best friend but our friendship will Neva be the same…
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Maybe they are busy and have their own problems
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I kept expecting people to do for me what I would do for them and now I have no friends 
Sorry you’re experiencing this and my condolences.
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Don’t misdirect your hurt in this moment x
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You don’t have high standards, this is normal self respecting expectations, real friends do this! All the rest are just friendly acquaintances so keep her at that level. Her partner made her aware of the state you were in, that it was a family emergency… as a decent person you don’t half ass that shit. Do not enable her entitlement in this friendship. Yes! If she can’t do something like this when many a stranger have stepped up to help at the drop of a hat then she doesn’t get the benefits of your loyal and giving friendship. I’d call this contempt and indifference at best. It was a family emergency! Choose good people.
I’m sorry for your loss, truly but c’mon now… They DID call and YOU didn’t answer. You havent been responding to their texts so what are they suppose to think? Some people want alone time and not to be harassed, and your friend will think that if you arent answering back like you haven’t. I think you’re misdirecting your grief and projecting tbh.
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No youre not. You are establishing boundaries for yourself and they crossed a boundary you thought was reciprocated. Have the same issue in my life. Ill drop anything for my friends and close ones but theyve never proven to do the same.
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