I learned a few years back that not everyone is the friend or family member you were, or are. People that I gave everything had no time for me when my world fell apart. So I build my self back up from the ashes of were they left me to burn. And I walked away stronger and better. I don’t wish any of them bad, but I won’t be dumb enough to put trust in them ever again
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Not all people have the same empathy and really should not be judged by what they can do for you compared what you have done for them and you will usually be hurt and disappointed if you expect it. Just go ahead and be kind as you have to live with yourself bit don’t waste your energy to be treated equally. Sad, but that is Life!!
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Yeah and your childish as hell. People have lives they can’t just stop what they are doing to tend to you. Your child isn’t their responsibility. Walking away is dumb as hell. But obviously your not a good friend to them if walking away was in your mind. Unless you help all your friends at their time of need every second then you really shouldn’t judge
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No, you aren’t wrong. Having one of your parents pass away, you needed your circle around you immediately and they weren’t there for you. In the days to come, take care of your needs and the needs of your child. Later, much, much later meet with your friend by herself and talk to her. Then decide if their answer meets your needs for a friendship. Be good to yourself first.
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Everyone processes grief differently and everyone needs different things as they navigate it. This makes it difficult for people on the outside to know how to respond.
If you need something from someone, be direct. It sounds like you want them to read your mind and anticipate your needs. You wanted them to help, but didn’t tell them why. They are reaching out to you now, but you aren’t responding.
If you feel like cutting them out, so be it. But it might be worth it to try healthier communication first.
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If it went down how you described I think yes they are trying to reach in the way they k ow how but because it’s not the way you want your refusing them but the sad thing you will find in pulling back is its the caring that makes you you and in pulling back you take away your caring which will take away you
Carers care and if your blessed or cursed to be a care caring person not doing it will destroy you so you need to keep being you
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You cannot expect you from other people
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So they were in the middle of something else, possibly too far away to get your kids in time, and couldn’t pick up your child in this ONE INSTANCE . So you should have called someone else instead of giving the silent treatment (very childish) to your friend who’s been reaching out to you.
Apparently you don’t take no for an answer and won’t even deign to let her explain herself. Maybe it’s easier for you to be able to drop everything and rescue your friends. Talk to her! Give the blaming and shaming a rest!
Get some grief counseling as losing a loved parent is so devastating. Talk to your friend and find a way to make peace. You don’t want to lose her too, and you m sure she wants to be there for you as you grieve. My condolences.
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When my mum died I was angry at everyone friends who I hadn’t seen for ages bought me angel gifts I wanted to throw them away I wanted to end my relationship I was all over the place at her funeral family who we hadn’t seen for over 20 year were crying I looked at them thinking why the hell are you crying you ain’t been around hypocrites yeah i was that mad, are you surevyour not feeling this way wanting to walk away from friends ivthink your hurting as time goes on it does get easier, I do still have the gifts and I’m glad I do maybe take time out for yourself to reflect try grief counselling your hurting and is it possible your taking it out on your friend like i did I wouldnt end nothing right now.sorry for your loss xx
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If they didn’t answer their phone (which is not a sin) weren’t there other friends you could call. I think if you’d got hold of someone else you wouldn’t be so angry.
Hey Geoff ?
I would just say something to them and let them know that you need extra help. People have so much going on that they don’t get to their own families and even themselves. So, speak up! Bring it to their attention.
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I think you’ve overreacted.
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I think youwerenin shock and now in grief. Anger is part of the whole process. Friendships are a value, rethink.
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I would definitely have to have a conversation about where you stand in your relationship seeing as you thought you could count on them to be there for you and they weren’t. let them know how it hurt you and how you’re feeling now. someone said you “can’t expect you” okay well you can have boundaries and expectations and not keep people in your life that seem to take more than give. understand that your friend may have something going on as well that you don’t know about and give them grace. maybe they’re not the best person for the emergency contact either ? have you had that convo before? I always ask my family/friends before I list them as an emergency contact for my kids.
give yourself some grace, you’re healing.
i’m so sorry for your loss! 
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You’re going to continuously be disappointed if you expect your friends to do as you would. So yes maybe you should stick to yourself to protect yourself from the heartache
I’m sorry for your loss❤️
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No don’t pull back completely, just don’t do so much in future. People like us who are naturally helpful and committed to genuine friendships with an ‘if I can I will’ personality, will get taken advantage of throughout our lives and I’ve recently found it’s not a fault of mine but more so a selfish fault of theirs and they will all prove themselves eventually. Some friends won’t have as many morals or loyalty as you and over the years I’ve learned to let them be. Carry on with your life with those who do stand with you and the others become just another person you know but don’t have ties to
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Condolences on your loss, but help me understand what you wrote: you called your friend and they didn’t answer, so you called the spouse who couldn’t help, but then the friend calls you back and you didn’t bother to answer the phone?
Then you sent a sarcastic text “thanking” them for “being there” and now you aren’t even responding to daily texts from the friend who is trying to check in on you? Grief does weird stuff to people, but you are being childish in your response to how this happened. Don’t be surprised if that “pulling back” you are doing becomes a full-fledged ignore on the part of your friend toward you.
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I’m sorry for your loss.
You can’t expect people to do exactly as you would. And maybe, they would but they have something going on as well. You don’t really know why she was busy, you’re assuming she just doesn’t care to be there for you. Also, some people will not come over unless asked, I am one of those people. So unless I’m worried about your safety, I am not going to just show up. And I hate calling, I would also text instead. There’s also people that don’t know how to handle death and loss.
I think you should focus on yourself and your family.
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Can’t expect people to be like you, I go out of the box for so many and never get the same in return, yet I don’t expect anything back either. If you need something from someone, let them know what it is you need and if they can give it to you, who are you to disrespect or regard there needs, maybe they are going through stuff themselves. I find writing helps me when my peers are busy and I have no one to talk to
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nOPE, & DON’T BLAME YOU. sORRY FOR YOUR LOSS
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So you are upset because they didn’t show up unexpected to your house and hover over you while you are dealing with grief and planning a funeral? Everyone isn’t like that. I don’t know how to be of comfort to people so I don’t hover. If you need something I will do it but me sitting in your space just for the sake of being there isn’t me. How about you ask the person to come over and occupy space instead of just assuming they don’t care.
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If you feel likw your friendships are one sided, pull back. Maybe have a conversation with them letting you know how you feel.
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Honestly it’s your friendship and only you can decide about cutting them off.
But to expect anyone to do the same for you that you would do for them is on you. You should never do for others or put them as a priority with the expectation that they will do the same for you. Do because that’s who you are not because you’re looking to stack some kind of future debt on them that they owe you something in return. That’s something you need to work out. Never depend on anyone and never push expectations on anyone you’ve never discussed loyalty and expectations with. People can’t read your mind nor will they match your kindness and loyalty.
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I’m sorry but you have no idea what she was doing or going through to judge why she didn’t drop that to help you. As a friend you should ask her directly before jumping to conclusions. She could have been dealing with something herself. And maybe she wasn’t but wasn’t there. You won’t know unless you ask.
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I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your family
It sounds like your emotions are still raw
But in all honesty hunni
Often in situations like this
Friends don’t know what to say or how to help you
Perhaps they can help you with preparing some food for a wake
I’m sure they would help if they could with the cost of a funeral
But funerals are so expensive
Is there a way church groups can help with the financial costs?
I personally wouldn’t dump my friends at this time
But that’s just me
Ultimately only you can make that choice
You didn’t answer the phone when they called back; how is that their fault?
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It’s absolutely unfair of you to expect from your friends what you give for them. Although in a perfect world that would be the norm but in this one each of us has our level of sacrifice. Yours is very, but to expect the same level from your friends is wrong, or just too much.
I would pull back and find some new friends. Geez you had a death and your child needed a ride. I don’t think that was an unreasonable request. She could have at least helped you find a ride for her. A simple thing, like let me know if you need anything would have been better. I’m sorry others don’t agree. I personally am a fixer, but I do it from the heart, not for a pat on the back. People should be able to call upon a friend in a crisis. Hope you find a like minded friend.
They called back and you didn’t answer. You’re being selfish and demanding.