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QUESTION:
"My question is about my husband. We have 5 kids together, and both work full time jobs. I also do all of the cooking, and the cleaning, along with the kids who each have chores. I take care of the animals also. Our 5 kids play multiple sports, school, Rec, and club teams. So naturally they all have multiple practices a week in different towns usually. I handle all of the practices also. I do all of the grocery shopping, and get whatever the kids need. Anything that needs done at the house I do. Or if it’s something I don’t know how to do like flooring or Sheetrock etc, I hire it out and he always says he will finish the minimal things. Like cutting the door to fit the new flooring. Or running the electric etc. and he never does anything. Ever. Other than going to work. As soon as he gets home he is instantly on his phone on Snapchat with his friends or constantly on TikTok. CONSTANTLY. I have been so fed up with it I have told him I don’t know how many times I am going to leave because I never get any help from him at all and it’s like he isn’t even a part of the family other than putting his check in the bank. He always says he will change or do this or that. But he never has. And honestly I don’t even believe that he will. It’s just so hard because I love him. And at least he goes to work every day and keeps a job. But am I wrong for wanting more than just a bi weekly paycheck put in to our account? I feel defeated."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You do a hell of alot. No you aren’t wrong. You are a single parent lowkey. Might as well have him leave and still get that paycheck for child support"
"No, your feelings are valid! I would try and sit down and have a discussion about it. It’s totally unfair to you, you have too much weight on you and it needs to be evened out. I’m not sure what hours he works but ask if you guys can alternate practices? Or you alternate cooking and cleaning? Or assign certain chores. I’ve been down this road before and I just stopped doing his part of the stuff and only worried about my kids (idk if I would recommend that bc you both will get resentful with each other) but he did finally get the picture. Lol. I know it’s frustrating."
"You married the man, not the paycheck. You are absolutely not wrong for wanting more!!"
"You say you love him. What exactly do you love about him if he isn’t providing anything to the relationship or family but a paycheck?"
"The only thing I’d think you’re doing wrong here is letting him think the bare minimum is acceptable But since we cant control what others think or do it’s up to you to decide what steps/consequences happen next"
"You’re not wrong in the slightest. Men are to do more than just bring in a paycheck. This isn’t the 40s or 50s anymore. You bring in your own paycheck. The brunt of the housework and raising children should not be on just your shoulders. Last time I checked his sperm created your kids. I’d tell him to change real quick because he doesn’t want to be paying Child support for 5 kids. Are you sure that you still love him or is it that you are comfortable. Sounds to me like he doesn’t have many redeeming qualities."
"Make him do his fair share… ur not his mother… stop doing his washing and food cooking… if he doesn’t help then kick him out"
"You're not wrong at all. He needs to step it up like yesterday. He sounds really immature"
"No you’re not wrong… technically you’re already playing the single parent role. And since you’ve already discussed it and I assume that because you stated he’s said multiple times he would change and doesn’t, I would go ahead and leave and claim that check in child support."
"You have a 6th child, not a partner. I’ve been there in a marriage before. He never got better and took any initiative. I didn’t want another child, so he had to go!"
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