Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/any-advice-for-dealing-with-my-mom/15875
Does your state have grandparent rights? Not all states have them
Been there. Cut her off and don’t look back , you’ll be amazed how fast you’ll find peace in your life xx
Grandparent rights are only visitation. They can only even attempt to fight for custody if you’re deemed unfit and unless you have deplorable living conditions or have put your kids in any eminent danger she doesn’t have much of a fighting chance. If I were you, I’d run for the hills. Don’t let her threaten you into doing anything.
With that background, I highly doubt she’d even get court mandated visitation by the way. Just be very careful what you say to her and the best bet would be to not feed into her entirely.
Does your state even recognize grandparent rights? If so, perhaps you can get some legal advice on what her chances are, considering her mental illness.
Definitely set some boundaries! You’re an adult now with your own child and she needs to respect you and your wishes if she wants to have a relationship with her grandchild and be in both of your lives, but on your terms….Good luck
I don’t have any advice just wanted to say you aren’t alone with the toxic mother. With the threats and everything. Sorry to see somebody else goes through this as well
You definitely are not alone
Get a restraining order, move, change your phone number. Cut off all contact and keep it cut off. She has no rights to you or your child.
Cut ties cut her off be too Do you have any communications with her
She’s probably just controlling your mind , grandparents have no rights, quit going around her , your choice to stay away, and if she’s done that to you, your child’s next.
Cut her off. If she persists get a restraining order.
Not every state has grandparents rights & it’s on to visit
If she has a medical record for mental instability that can provide support for your case. Being 51:50 is on the police database.
You need to establish boundaries. Even If it’s your mom you still dont have to put up with all that. Your mental health is important. You may have to cut her off to get her to see your point that you’re an adult and refuse to be manipulated any longer.
She has no rights, due to mental illness
Move, change numbers everything. Cut out the evil
My mom was the exact same way. I cut all contact 5 years ago when she tried to literally take over my home and family. Life has been so much more peaceful since.
Take this advice from a soon to b 50 year old who’s been abused and manipulated all my life . Get the heck out n don’t look back ! Only y and ur child matter , do u really want ur child to grow and see ur mother as any kind of influence ?! Xx
Cut her off, stop
Letting her control you
Just cut her off completely, I know it is hard to move and set up a new life, but there has to be a way… there’s women’s shelters you can go to in the mean time, find a new job, leave the city… idk what’s right for you, only you know what’s good for you
Encourage her to take you to court. If she goes through with it(which I doubt) she wont win. If she backs off its because you have shown her no fear and no control.
I’ve been through this with my crazy “mom”. It doesn’t get better it only gets worse. All of the lies and manipulation. Cut ties now before she destroys your life like my “mother” tried to destroy mine. I wish I would have done it years earlier. Not sure about your state laws but generally, the more time she spends with your child the more rights she has as a grandparent.
Let me get this right….
The woman that put you in fear your whole life. The woman that abused and manipulated you your whole life. The woman whom I am certainly you have witnessed behave in ways you know is not normal That woman was alone with your son overnight?? I’m sorry but girl you are crying wolf here.
Advice….don’t put yourself in situations then cry about them.
Grandparents only have rights if the parents are deemed unfit. Don’t allow her to bully you into believing otherwise.
I know it’s your mom…but I would cut those toxic ties. I cut off most of my own family for my own mental health. And I’ve never been happier honestly
Document every incident. Make record off what you can remember and from this point on document every interaction( if any). This will help you if you do have to go to court. Look up the laws for the state you live in. Do they even support grandparent rights and what are the stipulations? She likely has no leg to stand on. Next I know that’s grandma but I would stop even the supervised visits. You can’t heal from trauma while you’re still exposed to it. The mental and emotional toll on you along is enough but consider the effects on your son. He needs his mommy to be as well as possible. Those stolen moments matter when you just can’t deal for the rest of the day or your operating numb. You did you’re time under her reign and it’s time to stop letting her win. She thinks she can bully and manipulate you into her way. Narcissist don’t change with out professional help even when they change tactics
She can’t do anything with diagnosis that you can bring up in court. Plus the reasonings you wrote here. She’s trying to get in your head and definitely consider seeking professional opinion and continue your own therapy - discuss this with them- but what you went through you do not want to pass on to your child and therapy doesn’t need to mean meds but it will help both of you in the future because there is a lot of patterns to unlearn. Blood doesn’t always mean family girl. Blood will sometimes do you the dirtiest because “you have to love them” when you don’t even have to speak to them if they are toxic. It is very hard to unlearn this and throws who are making”matter of fact” judgements on you don’t understand trauma. So make the best decision for your child if you can’t do it for yourself. Don’t continue to let the child spend time of your are uncomfortable it will not hold up if she tries to take you to court - plus it’s confusing for a small child. If they don’t have a relationship it won’t be hard for her to manipulate u about it.
Cut her out of your life asap
- Your son… your rules
- Any confusion ?? See rules #1
- Stand up NOW… establish YOUR boundaries
- If she won’t comply, refuse her visitation
Sever ties! Now! For you and your sons sanity. Toxicity is not love. She might, but I wouldn’t count on it, change her ways. Most of the time they think that their way of thinking is normal and you are the one who has a problem. They will twist and turn it around right back on you. Run fast! Run far! Cut the ties that bind.
Some states don’t have grandparents rights. Look into it and I k ow it may be hard but seems like it’d be in yours and the child’s best interest to cut ties.
Love her from
a distance, otherwise she is going to start her bs on your son. It’s time to distance yourself
Grandparent rights don’t exist unless the biological parent dies or is deemed unfit.
I would distance yourself from her ASAP for your child’s well-being AND definitely your own.
Most likely the suing your for grandparents rights is just a threat to manipulate you into doing what she wants. Keep track of every time you visit along with notes what was said or done. Keep your diary just in case. I wouldn’t allow her to be alone with him. If she takes you to court get a lawyer. I don’t think she has grounds.
You need to stay away. And grandparents rights don’t exist anymore
She is too toxic. Write her a long letter detailing her ill behavior. If she can’t change, cut her off. Block her from all social media and on your phone. You are a mother, and your sons best interests come first. You deserve happiness sweetheart, and only you can attain it❤️
Does your state have grandparents rights? I don’t know, but protect your boy.
Stop contact with her for both of you. She is toxic.
Join Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers Support Group or Daughters Of Abusive Mothers. & find support. There are countless stories of going no contact & support to stay that way.
Please for yours & your children’s mental/emotional health get AWAY from her. Document everything! Stand firm & stop responding to her for any reason.
I was there, I get it. Big hugs
Just hit the block button in everything phone number fb any other social media you both have just block her and don’t talk to her anymore
You could get her help, It sounds like she is unmedicated? Your step dad must not be too observant.
I am a bipolar, BPD mum and i dont treat my kids this way but i also do CBT regularly. The unstoppable factor is ruled purely by emotion and she is unstoppable emotionally as in her emotions will drive her beyond exhausation for whatever she is trying to achieve. Meds will help that. Therapy will aid that also.
I know it isnt your job to help her, She may even reject it, But i would certinally try. Anything that feels like a challenge will be met head-on, But it is a very difficult life without a mother. Most of these people commenting ‘toxicity!’ Must not have a clue about mental health. Yes it is toxic, It is also a chemical inbalance in her brain that she has no control over without meds and therapy.
Keep your son away from unsupervised visits if she can not look after him properly, But deep down she already knows she wouldnt win based on grandparents rights, The threat is a call for help, She’s feeling something, Feeling distance, Lonliness, Depression, It would be something and instead of being capable of thinking that feeling out she has thrown threats around because it would give her the chabce to feel a little bit of power that shes clearly feeling she does not have, It may not even be control in relation to you and your son but within herself.
Get down to the nitty gritty of how you feel but be careful how you word it as to not blame her, But blame her unmanaged illness, She would not be the same person she projects, The projection is always to hide how vulnerable we feel.
Most states don’t allow grandparent rights. You don’t have to let you kid be around her.
My mother was the same. She tried to control everything. She’s the reason I moved out the first chance I got. I couldn’t take her sh!t anymore. I thought about cutting her out completely even to this day with how she acts sometimes, I moved out at 19, when I graduated high school. I got a job and lived with a friend and his parents. They kinda adopted me. She wonders why I don’t talk to her much nor ask for help from her or my other family members. I do ask for help from family, only when I absolutely need to, but otherwise, I survive on my own with my own family. She tried to tell me how to raise my kids, and I let it slide for a bit. In one ear, out the other. But when she started dissing on my husband, that’s where I drew the line. I told her that I will not tolerate my family being spoken about negatively. We argued because she thinks my hubby is like all of her ex’s that treated her like sh!t. H3LL, she told my older daughter, who’s my hubby’s stepdaughter, that he didn’t love her. When he loves all my kids equally. And when I was pregnant with my third child, my son, she said that my hubby will treat my girls differently now that he has a son. That he’ll favorite the son over the girls and such. That pissed me off, cause I knew he wouldn’t. Cause we’re here now, with my baby boy and my hubby loves all 3 kids equally still. And it’s shown. But I’m my family’s eye’s, he doesn’t do anything for the kids and such. So now I bearly go over to that family home. Bearly.
She sounds a lot like her. I keep my mother in my life only because my daughters love her, but I let her know what I will not tolerate and she knows I won’t let her see my daughters if she crosses the line. Sometimes I have to let my girls go with her when I go to the er and such, but I think of other options first.
You do what you think is best for your child. Don’t let her scare you anymore. Take control back over your emotions and stand up to your mother. Let her know that you will not let her control you anymore and that you’ll raise your kids how you see fit, and if you think that she’s unfit to be apart of your child’s life, let that be known and cut her off. Document everything she says and does. She’s toxic, and your child is still very young, I’d cut your mom out now before your baby gets attached to grandma. Good luck and my messenger is always open to talk to me. Don’t let fear rule over you.
I just want to say that I agree with all the comments about severing ties with your Mom, if she doesn’t see her ways are wrong and change then the best thing for you and your boy is to stay away from her! It’s easier said then done, after all, she is your Mother, and all you’ve ever known your whole life, so big hugs to you! You are stronger than you think!
Tell her that you love her but until she gets herself sorted with consistent medication and counciling you have to stay away… Then stay away, she will never get help if you don’t stick to the decision.
Do you live in a state that had grandparents rights? I was in your shoes (I’m 46) and this past summer we had an argument. Silly argument but I’m SO glad that argument happened because i always thought she was right. Wrong!! So I created boundaries and we chat her and there but I will not bend over backwards to visit her etc. Maybe if you are In a state for grandparents rights move. It’s OK to be acquaintances with your mom.
Cut her off. I did and its the best thing i could have ever done for me and my children!
Stay away . Never leave your son with her again. I’m sure you understand that was wrong to do so. Keep your son safe away from her xx
Go talk to lawyer to see if she can apply for grandparent rights. They may not even have them in your state. That will stop you from worrying.
As someone who unfortunately had this threat used against me a lot when I was younger and very uneducated on it all… call her bluff. Yes grandparents rights do exist but there are circumstances that must be met for her to even be able to file for that. It would mean visitation IF she were able to pull it off. (Research and get very familiar with how they work in your state.) Keep track of these incidents and do not let her manipulate you.
I know all too well what you’re dealing with…
OP, I have no advice and really wish I did sweetie! My mother is JUST LIKE THIS! Only diff is my mother lives with my son (2), my hubby and myself… Lord knows I love her, but this is h*ll!
I would be cutting her off, she neglected your son and still wants to play victim with grandparents rights is she joking. She’s using your child to get to you and that’s emotional abuse. She doesn’t get to decide anything it’s all up to you. I think you are absolutely right. If she complains have 30 min supervised visits, she sounds like a narcissist.
Stay away from her!
Get a restraining order.
Check grandparent laws, document EVERYTHING (for example how baby was up, alone and soaked when you came in) DO NOT TELL HER you are documenting. Once you get plenty documentation, take her to court and prove why she doesn’t deserve to see your child (unsupervised, neglecting) also try to communicate mostly through text or email so you have visual proof of her threats. Then get a restraining order and stay away from her.
Stay away. Cut her off. Keep your child away.
Check ur state she may not have rights Maine grandparents don’t have the right
Toxic is toxic whether family or not. To me, it sounds like you need to cut her off. I know in NY, there really isn’t a thing of grandparents rights.
Hey she can threat all she likes. She hs no rights in many places of the world. And courts cant inforce it.
Call a lawyer. Some give free advice. If you are diagnosed with “childhood trauma” it should be on record. Tell this to the lawyer if you can prove. God bless.
Cut her out of your life she is toxic,
There is no way she will get any rights.
Make sure you document everything
Cut her off, I know it’s easy to say and hard to do but for your son’s sake. You need to do it, you don’t want him to end up with the same trauma
Cut her out.
What’s is she brining to your life?
Cut the toxic ppl out. Make your boundaries & enforce them without apologies.
You don’t owe anybody access that brings bs with them.
Just cut ties and let her try to take you to court. Tell the judge exactly what she’s like.
first of all let me say this… there’s no such thing as grandparents rights whatsoever even if the state were to investigate she would have to have a rock solid case to get your child taken from you so she could have guardianship over your child and even then you would get your child back eventually she just doesn’t get to keep YOUR child forever she could spend millions of dollars trying to get custody and it still would not make a bit of difference YOU are the parent that is YOUR kid and she is entitled to ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when it comes to your child…dont let her scare tactics intimidate you the only power she holds is the ability to screw with your mind…I know it’s hard but you are probably going to have to either tell her that if she doesn’t stop with the threats and manipulation you won’t be coming around her anymore or go completely no contact on her to preserve your peace of mind… hang in there girl
Set boundaries. Make them known. If she has become too toxic you may need to no subject yourself or your son to it. Easier said than done with the trauma you have endured.
Your #1 job as a mother is to protect your child.
One thing who doesn’t want to see there own mom I would give a million dollars to see my mom again she has been gone to heaven for 22 year’s now my mom was mentally ill she had her bad weeks and her good week’s and my mom would throw hot coffee on my sister and my other sister she would all of sudden just slap her or ram the grocery cart into the back of there legs at the store but we loved our mom dearly and we all miss her so much she died at the age of 52 of cancer and I took care of my mom until death did us part and our mom made our children mind and they were not allowed to watch rated R movies and if they acted up boy would she make them mind and the grandbabies miss her a lot so Don’t ever put your mom out of your life the brain is a very complicated thing and if it is not working up to par the person is the one suffering my mom suffered almost all her life her own family didn’t come around because of her mental illness but when they found out there sister was dying they all wanted to come around even my mom’s mother but it was to late because she was stage 4 cancer so always love your mom because one day she will be gone forever .
Depends where you are I think they done away with grandparents rights I don’t think they have it anymore… sorry your going through this my mom can be the same way
U need to mentally divorce her and cease contact if peace in your life is what u desire
No contact. I done that 4 years now and my life has been so peaceful. Yes she’ll pick a fight but you know what’s best.
As a person who literally felt like she wrote this post herself… don’t let her scare you into anything. You are the mother of your child. I have not spoke to my mother for over a year now because of these exact actions. My mom tried to get grandparent rights only to be shut down because in this state they don’t exist but even more so she had to prove I was an unfit mother which she could never even attempt to do. Once you find the strength to stand your ground and tell her how you feel from deep within and hold that place, your life will be so much better. I was on anxiety and depression medication. After not speaking to my mom for 2 months I was able to pull myself off of them because I no longer felt the need for them. Having a parent with such manipulative and narcissistic ways is sad but the trauma that you have to live with is worse. Make the decision to not let it define you and hold your head up, straighten your crown and tell her she is no longer allowed to control your mental state and won’t have a say so in your life unless you choose to allow her to. Message me if you need to talk! I promise I’ve been there!
Cut her out your life for your sake and your child’s x
don’t be torn … just stand up for yourself … tell her she needs to get mental health help or she will never see you and your child again
You say she’s already put fear in you and has ruined your life. Are you going to stand by and allow her to ruin your sons life and put fear in him too? To me that’s child endangerment. Just because she’s your birthing parent doesn’t mean you have to be around her. I have always said messing with me is one thing but God help the person who messes with one of my children.
Why do you have to have any relationship with her? She sounds awful for both you and your child. Cut ties, change your phone number and move away from her. If you insist on keeping a connection, face time or only visit in public places, and make sure she drives away first.
Make your own family of friends who love you. I had great parents but not many relatives and I had wonderful “Aunts” and “Uncles,” and whole families we “adopted.” None were related by blood. My friend’s granddaughters call me Grammy Pammy and my kids grew up with two loving parents but still had many adoptive “relatives.” We just say we’re related by love.
How nice to visit people who you’re happy to see, who love you and your little one, who make you feel relaxed instead of tense. What a relief to leave your son to play with responsible adults in charge. How relaxing to have people in your life who you can trust, who support you and don’t play mind games. Go out and build the family you want!
I hope you are continuing in therapy to come to terms with the trauma you endured. Don’t go back to that. You’ll want to go no contact with your mom for at least a month so you can see the damage she caused—and is still causing—more clearly. You need space to heal, so why put up with her abuse?
Break away from Her. I stopped having anything to do with my mother in 2015 when I told her not to speak to me again. Best thing I ever did. No where does it say you have to put up with toxic family.
Stay away. What can’t you stay away from her? Pay no mind to her threats and keep a distance that gives you peace.
Cut her off completely
No such thing as grandparents rights not in uk anyway
Why have a relationship with her at all? You CAN pick and choose your family.
Your number one priority is your son.
She sounds toxic you seem like you’d be better off without her. People in your life are supposed to enhance it,make you happy etc. Not cause you stress etc
Yes. Continue with therapy
Cut her off. Make boundaries… It feels unfamiliar and maybe you’ll have times of guilt… You deserve peace and mind.
(Coming from my own experiences with the same thing) you can love someone from a distance.
Depends where you are. UK has no grandparents rights. I know from experience how toxic parents can be…cut all contact . At the very least have very rare supervised contact if your country has grandparent rights .
Wow iam 62 yes old . My mom is a narcissistic woman. I don’t speak to her and iam finally at peace. Fight for your child. I gave in to my mother a0bout my kids and regret that decision. Document issues sensibly . Good luck
Limit contact definitely no over night stays and when your son does see her you must be present
do not cut off all ties with her for the sake of your son
Grandparents are special and hopefully we will all be one one day
She has no rights to your child. Cut her out of your lives. Period. Take your power back. Best of luck
No such thing called grandparents right’s anymore not in ohio i lived there for 13 years before moving back to Michigan 3 year’s ago i don’t think Michigan has that law anymore neither
Stop dealing with her. It’s been 3 years since I’ve dealt with my mom and my life is so much better
I can be hard to cut people put of your life completely. But as a therapist, I’ve heard stories of abuse from people by parents and other family members. Sometimes I think it is best to cut ties because of the level of abuse. But you are the only one to know. I would say it sounds that no over night stays and certainly don’t leave your child with them without you there. But limit the visits and try and access yourself whether you feel it beneficial for all parties.
She has to find reasons for the judge to even consider grandparents rights(ex-you abuse your child)I would go no contact and keep every single text message,email and so fourth just in case she does try to take you to court.
No is a full sentence. Cut her out of both of your lives, no need to drag on the relationship. Eventually she’ll be trying to brainwash your child. It doesn’t matter who someone is to you, you are allowed to cut them out of your life for peace! My other half and I pretty much keep to ourselves with our 3 year old- life is so much calmer and peaceful! Not sure what state you’re in but in Ohio grandparent’s rights aren’t a thing. No one has the right or privilege to my child and I make absolute sure of that. It’s hard but give her that “can’t tell me anything” attitude and ignore her, she’ll hate it but you’ll love it. And that’s all hat matters girl!
Why are you putting yourself and your child through this shit…cut her off today and never go back…you don’t want your child to go through what you went through…I’m surprised you even asked us…common sense sweetheart…think of your child 🏴
cut her out of jour life, unless jou need her.
Walk away. No contact. Make life on your own. Toxic will never change!
Take back your power!!! I have had too aswell! Its not easy but possible! Dont be scared about that as she wont get it! Especially if that is what had happened when they had him! breathe babe its okay!