Does anyone else have a hubby that is just gone all day for work. Like 7 am to 7 pm with no updates at all. We have 5 children, our 6th on the way and I feel so overwhelmed and lonely. I have zero help. I might as well be single.
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I would talk with him— ask him around what time his lunch/break is and send him a quick messege. Im sure just as tired as you are, he feels the same way. Meet in the middle and ask him to make it a habit to share how his day is going and vise versa. Communication is so important especially if you arent getting your needs met♥️
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I get up and go to work before my husband, we don’t talk or text all day unless it’s really important. We talk when he gets home. We are both at WORK, we need to leave each other alone so we can do our jobs.
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We have life 360 and even if i don’t hear from him, i check on him from time to time… We are both self employed and he’s an electrician so he’s always going from job to job… But we’ve been married for 11 years so some day we don’t talk all day and sometimes we talk through out day… But both of our jobs require our hands being busy… So idk
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Yep that’s my life😆 and I work nights a few nights a week so there’s nights we see each other in passing and that’s it. It can definitely be lonely and we get at each other sometimes…
My husband works 12 hour days and I rarely hear from him while he is on the clock. He’s at work and has a job to do so I don’t expect him to be calling or texting me. I have 2 kids. I also homeschool and my youngest has medical issues. It’s lonely sometimes but you do what you have to do. Try finding some other moms in your area to be able to hang out with or talk to. It helps.
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Yes and he’s working and I respect that.
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It goes back and forth about how busy he is, I sit in an office all day so its easier to get to my phone where he works outside, so it’s a busy day for him…then nope nothing and it’s ok, together 23 years and provides for out family
While he’s at work he is paying attention to you. He’s doing his best to support you and the children. He works hard and deserves your respect and support for doing so… Employers do not appreciate employees that are on their phones calls at work. Give him a break.
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My husband and I only communicate during work hours when there’s an emergency. He’s a roofer, so he’s not really in a position where he can talk throughout the day. I struggled with this when I was a stay at home mom. I think more than anything, the lack of adult communication took it’s toll on me.
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My husband rarely messages me during the day
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Me. My husband works in the coal mines & doesn’t have service or anything underground, gotta wait till he gets out to talk to him. It sucks but that’s life I guess.
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I don’t generally hear from my husband during the work day and it’s the same for me to him.
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I only hear from mine if he has gos usually 
otherwise nope. He leaves for work at 8am & on some days when he’s working his call out job I won’t even see him before I fall asleep.
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I completely understand this. It’s hard when you feel like you’re three only one present.
My guy used to check on me and sometimes text “I’m free” after he got off work because he didn’t have time at his job to really chat, and he sometimes worked 14 hour days. And yes, while I was grateful I was on bedrest my entire pregnancy and had no family or friends. I was isolated and going stir crazy.
And same with this last baby except I also had to teach from home, my own classes and our 4 year old. I was drowning and often felt like he got to “go away”/escape without worry.
It’s hormonal, it’s valid, and it needs to be discussed with your partner.
(Also, ignore all the nellys saying “at least…” or “be grateful that…” No good/ helpful suggestion or comfort has ever begun with those words 
). Hope you find peace and an emotional break from stress soon.
Nope. I don’t need updates from him all day Long. He’s at work!
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Once kids are proficient at a task you can “deputize” them to be able to do it on their own, and give them a star pin with the chore listed or pictured on it, or make a little certificate for them. Children can be proud of accumulating stars/certificates.
Whoa that concept is wild to me because my husband communicates to me throughout the day, even periodically when he used to work construction outside. But I guess that would depend on what kind of work your husband does. He a trauma doctor or something? Does he not have a lunch break?
What did everybody do before cell phones? You waited till he got home. If you know he is at work, you have nothing to worry about. He is responsible to support 6 kids and 2 adults. Just be Thankful he has a job. By the way my husband was lucky to see his family when he worked in boat sales!
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Well I’m a person who hates talking about non work stuff when I’m at work because I’m working at work so I’m not going to be much help with that except that you need to share this with him. You two need to decide how to handle how you feel and what he can realistically give you. If you have different love languages then you have to figure it out so you are both feeling appreciated in your relationship.
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Sit down and have a conversation with him
My husband used to do this forvyears! Now I have a tracker program that tells me his location.
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This was an issue in my relationship as well. Over 12+ hours of zero comminucation and a lack there of once home as well. I had a sit down talk about how it takes less than 30 seconds out of his day to send a quick, I love you, hope you are having a good day text. I told him we have major issues if he can’t take less than minute out of his day to do that. I explained why it was important to me but to him as well to keep us connected, and healthy as a partnership. It was a work in progress but I am happy with where we are now. You HAVE to communicate. No one is a mind reader.
This is very sad and I am sure it’s extremely hard.
But make the moment’s your together count.
Be careful what you wish for. It could all be gone in a flash
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When I’m at work or my husband is at work, we are, you know, working. So texting or calling each other throughout the day makes zero sense. We touch base with each other and catch up when we get home. No way would I be stopping work to check in. If something needs attention, then yes, but just to check in. On breaks I’m eating, grabbing coffee or catching up with coworkers.
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Well my fiance is working and hard work in this heat he doesnt need to check in threw the day I also dont have time to text or call for no reason lol tbh
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What do you mean by updates? He’s at work? I know when I go to work that’s my time. He is probably busy with work and his work friends. I don’t think it is fair to put that kind of pressure on him while at work when he is there supporting you.
Ok not saying this in a negative way but have you tried working yourself? It really helps to have a life outside of the home too. I don’t know what I would do without my work pals. They are the best!
Or- is there anything you can involve yourself in in the community? Kiwanis or Eagles? Learning a new skill or hobby?
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I’m pretty sure he can get away every few hours, lunch, restroom break etc, if he wanted to he would
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I think it depends on the job. My husband works for the oil field and when he’s not doing anything we’re on the phone with each other all day. He’s either working 16 hours and won’t be able to text me or we’re on the phone for hours after I’m cooking or cleaning up. He works out of town and is gone for two weeks and off for two weeks. Also, I will thrown in that we have both experienced a lot of major deaths and trauma (I had cancer 5 years ago) so we both have some form of anxiety but, it’s a comfort thing for both of us. Some couples are the opposite and I don’t think it’s a problem unless you feel it’s negatively effecting your relationship. And of course like I said, depends on the occupation.
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Depending on his career this is normal. My husband is active duty and always busy so i don’t expect to hear from him until he’s leaving base which can be anytime. But if he has a free second he’ll shoot an “i love you” text. But it really just depends on his job in my opinion. But always remember “if they wanted to they would” 
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I was married pre cell phone!
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I usually text me husband throughout the day but he drives professionally so if he’s driving he won’t reply or call. But anytime he’s on a break he will call me.
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It depends on the job
I have days where I only get text from during his breaks and sometimes he’ll text see how things are at home
He try’s to video call at lunch but doesn’t always do it
Sometimes I have to shoot a text to him
Just depends
My husband leaves home, 5-6 days a week, at 4am. Sometimes (rarely) he gets home around 2pm, but most days he’s home around dinner time. He also travels for work once or twice a month, where he is gone for a few days at a time. I usually get a “Good Morning” text and another text when he’s on his way home. On occasion, one of us will call the other during the day, but we’re both busy and want to get our day done so we can get home to one another and our kids.
Once home though, I usually clean up while he cooks dinner, before either of us get to sit down for the evening.
If you’re working inside or outside of the home and he is working outside of the home, when the “work” day is done, the two of you should be sharing responsibilities at home and with the kids.
I’d say it’s time to have a conversation with your husband.
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If he has time to pee he has time to text. Unless he quite literally cannot have his phone at his job.
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I must have a rare one in that department anyway.
He works 12 hours days.
I get a goodmorning msg before he even leaves to drive 1.5hrs to work. He let’s me know he has arrived to work safely. Checks in numerous times through out the day when he can and asking how our 3year old is behaving for me etc. Then he will always msg as he leaves work and asks if there is anything I need on his way home from the supermarket.
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I call or text if I need something but other than that he leaves at 6am and is home at 6-7pm I don’t track him at all and I try not to bother him he’s usually at least an hour away so it’s kind of pointless I do have a few people I can call if I need something we’ve been married 20 years
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The way I have always seen it even when I worked because we both had really busy jobs is when we are at work that’s work time to provide for our family. I didn’t need my man texting or calling all the time because I knew where he was coming when he got off work. So many women needs to grow up these days if your man working be grateful because there are a lot of men that will not work.
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He’s working leave him be. I’m not sure why he would need to check in when he’s at work. If your having some anxiety I’d suggest bring that up to your doctor and a therapist. With 5 kids and pregnancy you prob do feel secluded it’s a lot of work as well on your end to keep everyone going in the day to day minutiae. Have you reached out to any family or friends to help you catch a break?
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Man I wish I had peace and quiet like that. We own a small construction buisness so we are together everyday, all day. And when I leave without him he borderline harasses me. Even though he can see me through that stupid onstar ap. Ughhhh. This is one of my frustrations. Sorry for the vent🥰
Maybe talk to him and see if he can check in with you a few times a day, just so you’re not feeling of the alone
What did he say when you told him how you feel?
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2 and 3 year olds love to help. They can stand on a stepstool and rinse or wash unbreakable dishes, put them in the dishwasher and put them away when clean if they can reach. Give them Endust or Windex and a rag and set them on dusting and cleaning whatever surfaces they can reach. They can fold washcloths and other small items. They can put dirty clothes in a hamper and clean clothes in bins or drawers with pictures on them.
Older kids can set the table and get food that doesn’t need cooking for everyone: potato salad, cereal, fruit, cheese and crackers, PBJ, even cook food in a microwave. They may enjoy using the vacuum, mop, sweeper. Little kids might enjoy putting clothes in the washer or dryer and spraying the stains under your supervision. Once they’re proficient and can reach everything, they can do the laundry themselves.
Kids 10 and older should be able to make scrambled eggs, soup from a can, pasta, Mac n cheese or mashed potatoes from a box, vegetables from a can, plus help siblings cut up food, butter bread, etc.
This reminds me of when we were first married. I’d whine that he never told me that he loves me. One day he got so annoyed he said, I told you I love you, if it changes I’ll let you know. That was 45 years ago and so far, he hasn’t informed me otherwise. Some people just need more reassurance than others.
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My husband also works long hours he’s often out the door 5:30 am and home 7 pm.
Answering the phone / returning phone calls when he can makes me feel less lonely. Have you talked to your husband about this ?
Might as well be single 
okay
Most wives have husbands that work long hours without updates. And most wives take care of their homes and kids by themselves.
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Be great full he is working. You just keep on having kids so he has to work. If he works that much he really shouldn’t be expected to work at home too.
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If you were single you’d be working 12 hour shifts and trying to juggle a large family!
Expand your support network and work out when you and he can sit and be together, even if its just a movie on the couch when the kids are asleep.
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My husband works 6am to 6pm and never checks in , when I was pregnant he had the same hrs I don’t feel it’s nessiccary to have check in’s because he needs to concentrate on work to stay safe .
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Yes. My husband does the same thing. He will call everyone else but I’m last. It’s getting really old.
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If they’re too busy to answer you, they’re too busy 
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Assuming he has at least 2 15 minute breaks and a 30 minute if not an hour long lunch. It would be unacceptable to me, communication and acknowledgement is important in a relationship. I work 10 hour days 4am to 230 pm and I make time to message my husband. Right now he is on second shift for a project at work so I don’t get to see him other than the hour he comes home for lunch. And on the weekend when we are both off. By the time I get home I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old all by myself. Until they go to bed. Around 9 if I’m lucky. I’m also pregnant with number 4 and number 5. I get maybe 5 hours of sleep a night. Although I understand where you feel you may be a single mom, you’re not. The reality is you have help, you just don’t have the help YOU WANT.
So ask for it. Tell him what you need from him. If you already have and he’s ignored you’re requests and concerns then maybe consider being a single mom… I can assure you it’s not going to be any better or easier.
If you’re lonely find another mom friend and set up play dates cause it’s really just the adult social interaction that you need.
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He is working, what updates do you want ?
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Sounds like you get time with him. On your 6th!
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Well unless you’re working all day as well, you being single wouldnt be the same. It would be a lot harder seeing as you would have all the kids and no income…
Your husband is working. Now if he works from 7 to 7 then goes out to the bar or a strip club every day till 1 am thats a different story. I understand you’re overwhelmed and lonely, but your kids need food, clothes and shelter… that takes money, which takes that amount of work. Im not saying dont feel your feelings, but he is doing what he can to support the many children you both decided to have. If he is able to call and wants to then talk to him about maybe calling a few times a day. If he doesn’t want to or isn’t able to you can’t really fault him. My husband calls sometimes and sometimes not on his breaks. I also work during the school year and I get a break here or there and I get off of work before he does. On my breaks it doesn’t occur to me to call him. Im in the mind set of work. When I get home I’m in a home mindset.
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Me and my hubby hardly talk at all during the day when he’s at work
My fiancé doesn’t text me hardly ever while at work cause he’s, working. And on lunches he’s eating and relaxing or catching up with coworkers. It’s no big deal to me but I understand your feelings. I don’t text him much while I’m at work either. We chat about the day after work.
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I would first say talk to him when he is home to find out what is going on. I would also say consider this your last and final child. He has a family of 8 to care of. That’s a lot. Yes it’s a lot on you too. You both need to explain how you feel. Your job is 24/7/365 and he has weekends off or at least vacation time. That’s a lot of stress for the both of you.
My man works all day and we only text if I need something like cigarettes 
half the time he doesn’t see it until he’s already home. I’ll say did you get my text. No not till now. He said he not used to seeing text messages from me. Cause I only text when I need something. It’s not like we text every day. When we first got together we texted all the time and what not, but as the years goes on, I don’t text him. We been together 5 years.
Nope. He gets breaks and lunch. Anyone who cares about someone makes time for them.
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So he works to support you and the kids and comes home after his shifts? What’s the problem? If you were single, you’d have to do that work day plus take care of the kids right when you get off plus do the housework while paying obscene amounts for child care while you’re at work. Not sure what his job is but in some occupations you can’t just call several times a day. If you’re lonely you have to work through that. Go out with friends, take the kids places, do something you like to do, treat yourself. Also, make time for you both when you can. Maybe go out on a date and find someone to watch the kids.
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Count your blessings, he probably has to do that to care for you and 5 kids. I would think that caring for 5 children you wouldn’t have time to get lonely.
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Yea but I just tell him
To call me if I need to tell him somethin
What did we all do before cell phones? Oh that’s right. Worked and talked when we got home.
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With 5 kids and another on the way - you couldn’t AFFORD to be “single”. Once you start a family…NOTHING is about YOU anymore. Ask yourself…do you love your husband? I mean…why even think like that? Just be as good a mom as you can be and when hubby comes home, make him feel like “The King” is home! It’s all about give and take…if you are good to him…he will be good to you! Result is : one big happy family! Kids grow up fast and one day you’ll wish they were small again…enjoy them while you can. Don’t worry - be happy! 
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If your overwhelmed you might consider this comming baby to be your last.
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What updates. He’s working. Why does he need to call you. Take it as a break. I swear some of y’all couldn’t be single moms.
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Yes but I don’t have as many kids as you. Sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed. How old is your oldest? Can they pitch in, if they’re not already. Would a phone call from hubby actually help during the day? Does his work allow for it? If yes, maybe let him know how much a check in would mean to you. My word of advice on this though…if he calls and you can’t help yourself but to go straight into venting…maybe reconsider stressing him out during a 12 hour work day. It will likely lead to you both being moody. As far as the comment about feeling like a single mom, I’m sorry that sucks. I’ve had a moment or two of that same kind of feeling and I remind myself how wrong I am. The mental and financial burden of being a single mom is not the same as your partner working a long day to provide for the family. I know it can be hard, but sometime finding and actively practicing gratitude can be your best solution. Good luck Mama 
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Usually when mine doesn’t shoot me a text (which is a lot) he is really busy. 
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Oh my Gawd…our grandmas had 10 to 15 kids and raised them “alone” while their husbands worked the fields or went to war! Ffs I’ll play my tiny fiddle for you…
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maybe he feels like you’re riding his ass
I didnt always call my.husband when I worked. No reason to check up on him
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Lol…yes…but if I’m trying to get ahold of him he will call/text back. I’m guessing when he gets home he barely has time for you or the kids? I go through that too. Find ways to entertain yourself and the kids…maybe you’ll run into someone that matches your energy…just my opinion.
It’s called work for a reason. Doesn’t get paid to sit on his phone. Dropping the may as well be single good luck raising 6 kids by yourself
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he needs to work to support you and the kids!
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My husbands schedule is forever unknown. Tuesday I think it was he worked 16 hours and when I saw this post I wanted to see how much we talked on Tuesday. He sent 2 texts
- Yeah it’s about time I stop hearing your mouth
- Ok
We have an EXTREMELY loving and happy relationship. (Not that it’s all rainbows and sunshine all the time) some days he’s just swamped with work.
ETA: after reading comments I felt I should update I do track his phone daily. It’s not because i don’t believe/trust him. But he works in some shady spots sometimes over night and sometimes there’s shootings on the news and he can’t answer because he’s busy or in a hole. He also doesn’t know where he’s going to be until they’re driving there (then can’t touch the phone while driving) and some nights they move around from site to site. So I track him to see if he’s in the part of town or not.
My husband was cheating on me he didn’t contact me all day.
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My ex did that, and when i stopped making the extra effort to contact him first he didn’t like it.
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Doesn’t seem to stop making babies
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I work second shift and call my wife on every break. On the other hand, we can go days with her not calling or texting.
Mine does - most job sites they aren’t even allowed to have their phones on them or they can be sent home ! I know where he is and he checks in when he is done or if by chance he gets a free second ( so rare ) he’s working to support us so I can be home raising our kids … it’s not ideal but it’s part of the sacrifice.
Updates on what, every minute of every hour on WTF he’s doing? Seems weird to me. Go get you a life and let that man make a living.
I worked 7am to 7pm as a nurse. Updates were only done on emergency or urgent basis. You husband is working to provide and if you are getting lonely because of it pull your big girl panties up and get a hobby or find something useful to do with your time. He cannot be taking time from wrk just to call.
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You sound like a child. When l was working and husband was home with the boys l wasn’t expected to call him while l was at work. Why would l? You’re not his mother or his child ( even if you are sounding like one); grow up!! If he wasn’t working and was home all the time you would B**ch about that. Pick your battles. Also if you are feeling overwhelmed maybe stop having kids.
5 kids, one on the way. I can believe you feel overwhelmed but I can also imagine he must be busy busting his ass. Something tells me he is overwhelmed too. Just breathe and love on those babies! It will all work out!
The guy is providing for a lot of kids!
I don’t understand how women let themselves go in that route of the endless baby maker careers and then complain about feeling overwhelmed!!
Honey what did you expect? Unless that you’re a millionaire who has paid help having that amount of kids takes a toll on everyone. Your partner, your whole relationship.
The guy is probably stress the hell out trying to provide for 6 kids plus you.
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If he’s working he don’t have time to be txting you all day, suck it up hunny
Can you get any other help with six children? Yikes! Don’t have more if you’re overwhelmed now. Assume you’re a SAHM.
Join an in-person mom’s group—or start one—and share tasks, babysitting and enjoy adult company. Find a hobby or interest you can squeeze in. Learn something new from You Tube, a book, or a friend. Rant to your friends, write horrible letters and then burn them, or work out like mad to a video until you’re not upset any more. Bonus—you’ll feel and look better, and have more energy. If you need something slow, easy, quick and beneficial, try “Tai Chi Ch’ih: Joy Through Movement” with Carmen Brocklehurst on You Tube or on DVD from KNME-TV in Albuquerque. Find something that brings you joy outside of motherhood.
Set aside at least an hour a week for you and your husband to enjoy each other’s company. Set aside 15-30 minutes when the kids are in bed to share your day. He may be stressed and not want to relive his, however.
Keep a gratitude journal, add to and refer to it often, and practice saying and thinking of everything in positive terms until it’s a habit. Keep looking for the silver lining in all your stressors. You CAN choose to be happier. I’m amazed I was able to change my pessimistic and cynical view of life and turn it around. Be grateful your hubs is not in the military, gone the bulk of the year in a war zone.
See if you can teach a teen in the neighborhood something in exchange for helping you out with the kids and who’d be another semi adult to talk with. Sewing, cooking, another language, singing, playing a musical instrument—whatever your talents are.
Are there high school or college students majoring in early childhood education or going for a teaching degree? Maybe they’d like to come observe and practice skills on your kids and help out in exchange for lunch or dinner.
Are there any lonely senior citizens around who would appreciate some chaos now and then? Offer interaction and coffee/tea in exchange for help with the kiddos.
Attend religious services. There are often programs to keep the kids occupied and learning. Check your local library for great programs for kids and teens.
I think it depends on his job. Is he allowed to have his phone on him during the day? Does he have a specific lunch time? My husband sends me a “made it love you” text when he gets there and I get messages throughout the day checking in on me and the kids but he’s able to do so during his breaks. Talk with him. See if there is a good time for him to send a quick hello. He’s probably just focusing on getting through his day. Those are long hours. Not that you’re not busy yourself at home with the kids. But a work environment state of mind runs differently sometimes.
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It depends on what he does for work.
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You guys also have 5 going on 6 kids. He could be very focused on providing dor his family
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Communication is key in marriage. Tell him how you fell.
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Your older children can help.
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If you have family or friends. Ask for a baby sitter for a few hours. Time together is important. At minimum once a month date nights.
Unpopular opinion on this whole “if they wanted to they would”…that’s a recipe for failure. Not everyone thinks the same. Your responsibility is to clearly communicate your needs to you partner and find compromise when needed. Because at the end of the day his needs are just as important as mine. If he’s working a 12 hour day and says hey honey, I stay busting my butt and checking in is challenging I’m gonna take his feelings and mental load into consideration.
Yes depending on his job.mines a lineman.some times I do hear from him.simetimes I don’t throughout the day.
You’re lucky u can stay home with the kids but a phone call a couple of times a week shouldn’t kill him…
Elizabeth Evans I thought the same, like what’s the update? “hey honey, I’m still at work” for what?? Lol
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With all them children he probably needs to work 12hours. He probably tired to.
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My husband calls me all day long with updates
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Be happy your not the one doing 7-7.
Many employers do not allow personal calls in or out during working hours
Well if y’all are about to have your 6th kid, he probably is busy af tryna work and make money to be able to provide for y’all. 
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