Do any other parents often “forget” (ignore) invitations their kids get for birthday parties? Whether it’s for classmates or even family. If I know it’s a party for someone my daughter would reeeeeally want to be there for, I usually make the effort to go. But if it’s for a kid at school I’ve never even heard of then chances are we’re not going. Or if it it’s being thrown by family members I don’t associate with. I feel guilty for not putting my own discomfort aside so my daughter can have these experiences. But I just don’t want to spend my weekends off forcing myself to engage with anybody. Strangers, toxic family- anyone.
Nah I take my child to any birthday party he said he was/is interested in going to. I’m also not a fan of socializing and get social anxiety, but I do what I can to put my feelings aside so my son can do the things he wants and make friends. Birthday parties are a great way for kids to have fun and socialize together and it’s just a few hours out of my day. Also, this is very important, you can’t expect kids to show up to your child’s birthday party when you refuse to show up to anyone else’s.
It’s not about you, though. Like, at all. It’s about these kids and your kid. Your kid making friends and being social is your job. You don’t have to go speak to these people, just go for your kid/the kids birthday. Typically they feel the same way as you do. I try to take my boy to as many birthday parties as we can get too. You genuinely sound like the toxic one.
Then don’t be bothered when people don’t show up for your kid. You’re making your child miss out on friendships and experiences on purpose.
No, as much as I feel very socially anxious I know my kids will be so happy and excited to go to a party. I also don’t want to put my anxieties on to them so I encourage them to socialise.
Well , at least RSVP . I use to invite my kids classmates and when you didn’t hear back , you didn’t know how many kids to prepare for . My kids had a ball going to other kids birthdays and vice versa . So many good memories !
What if all people thought like this. Imagine how the birthday child would feel if no one showed up. Some people have no family so classmates are their only friends for their bday
That is incredibly selfish. I don’t like it either but you put aside your own discomfort for your kid to go to a birthday party. That’s not fair to the kid who invited them and definitely not to yours. Eventually those kids will quit inviting your child and they will be heartbroken.
Just keep in mind, it isn’t about you anymore, it’s about your child.
So that whole putting your kids first thing ain’t really workin out so well, hmm? I sincerely hope when it’s your child’s party the other kid’s parents don’t hold this same mindset
In this day and age, I am not comfortable allowing my child to go somewhere I don’t know the parents. Creeps can look like normal people, all I’m saying. If I can stay, then I’ll take her, but she is not going by herself. And that is NOT being selfish.
You are that toxic stranger and family member
I wish my kiddos had this! . You sound selfish imo for not letting your child have social interactions, and enjoy something they want to do. . I understand the family part but the rest I don’t .
Hope parents don’t feel that way when you send out your kids invites…
I take my kids to EVERY birthday party, because I was the kid that no one showed up for.
Actually opposite… if we are able to go and my kid wants too, we go. You never know when your kid may be the only one to show up. Im.not limiting the things my kids do because I prefer to be self centered.
Nope, because I’m the adult and my children shouldn’t have to suffer because I’m having a rough week, do I take time out for my self to recharge? Of course, do I always want to deal with people ? No but I want my kids to have a happy childhood filled with memories, if I don’t feel like talking to people I’m polite, say hello how are yoj and focus on the kids playing and engaging with people I do like same goes for family parties.
I give my kids the option in going to classmates part of they want to go I take them I never force them if they don’t want to go
I have yet to be able to take mine to any of her classmates parties cause things have legit happened that I cannot avoid (emergencies) each time. That said, I would never put my discomfort in front of my child wanting to celebrate a friends/family members party. The only time I would is if the kid or parents or someone at the party was a danger or a cause for problems.
Don’t be selfish… let your child decide …
I am a socially awkward introvert who get anxious around people. I make sure my son goes to every birthday party he’s invited to, unless theres a genuine reason ie we have planned to go away already. Life is uncomfortable, we have to find ways to cope with it. Friendships are so important for young people, and parties are a fun time where they get to build on that. Maybe see a doctor or a therapist, and try to get sorted. Or risk having your son pick up and mimic your behavior, or feel that he has missed out on a normal childhood.
Also people who don’t respond to invites are a pain. I still have to get enough for those who don’t RSVP at all, just incase the child turns up and there’s not enough for them.
And this is how you get what happened to my son where only one kid showed up to his party and he was so upset he hasn’t had a party in years If my sons invited to a party he’s going
My son invites his whole class and few friends from his football although we’ve only had one rsvp. We’ve only lived where we are for a yr don’t know a lot of people. This way we can meet people and honestly bday parties I go to parents never stayed. I put my anxiety and ppd aside for my kids to be able to socialize.
Coming from the mommy of three little boys… one who is especially bullied and has sat at his own birthday parties crying because literally NO children showed up… PLEASE don’t be that parent.
When my son with autism “graduated” preschool at the special learning center I invited his class to celebrate at a chucky cheese type place. I was surprised when nobody showed because I felt like that was a big milestone to celebrate
I dont think people really take consideration of many things but kids are actually killing themselves because thry feel unwanted or unappreciated by their peers and this is a big why
If you do that PLEASE be courteous enough to tell the parents you aren’t able to attend instead of just ignoring and not saying anything and not showing up. Coming from a parent that invites my kids classmates to his bday party and nobody showed up out of 17 kids and only two parents let us know.
Wow. I make the effort to go to every birthday party for the kids. I feel very anxious talking to other people but I still put on smile and go. You are setting your kid up to fail at social interactions.
I make an effort to go to as many as possible. We invited my daughters whole class a year ago and she was so excited to see everyone. Not a single child outside of our 4 kids showed up. She wouldn’t even blow out her candles because she was crying. It broke my heart. I had hoped since we went to so many parties she was invited to that at least a few would show up to hers. I’m scared to do anymore birthday parties because I never want her to feel that way again.
If your child would enjoy themselves you should take them.It seems very selfish of you to just “forget”. At the very least let the person who invited you that you’re unable to attend.
You had kids you gotta do the party thing. Often in younger years the full class is invited too. Your child might feel left out if you don’t take them whenever possible
I have extremely high social anxiety. After being out around a lot of people I have to decompress. But that’s exactly why I force myself to attend as many as I can that my daughter gets invited to. I don’t want her to suffer for my problems. It’s not her fault .
I dont always want to go but 9/10 we do. I don’t want her to feel left out especially when the kids will be talking about it at school
Nope. I show up to all I can because I know what it feels like for nobody to show up for my kids. Put your selfish feelings aside for your child.
No, I try not to…. If there is some reason that we cannot go or simply don’t want to go, we tell the kids and they generally understand. But it makes them SO HAPPY to be invited to these birthday parties. They get so much joy simply from being invited, from picking out a gift a packaging it up, and watching their friend open it. So if we can, I try to take them and try to enjoy it myself. I usually know some of the other parents, and there’s usually food involved so I’m good with it
This, this is what’s wrong in this day and age.
There are just some things you do for your children and put your own personal feelings aside.
Maybe you should have grown up before becoming a parent.
No, my daughter goes to every birthday party she’s invited to and we family parties. Life is too short to be selfish
Just bring your kid. Every time. If you don’t wanna talk bring a book and sit in the corner, or your car.
We went all out for our kids’ birthdays! I also took them to birthday parties we were invited to and they loved it! You should try it! Not with toxic people but everyone else
I fully accept when parents are struggling and can’t bring their child to my kids bday parties I think parental mental health is so important in taking care of our children and there are so many more important things in life to take care of other than birthday parties that we should address so that we can be the best parents that we can be I think it’s important to understand that we are not all experiencing the world the same way and sometimes it’s okay to put ourselves first considering we are so important in the lives of all of the ppl who depend on us…. I wouldn’t worry too much about others expectations or about what others are doing, it doesn’t do us any good to compare our choices to others
Kids getting to have life experiences goes first; with that being said, I don’t do classmate birthday parties. I’m not dropping my kid off with a bunch of strangers and that’s usually what they get invited to. Not comfortable with it.
I don’t take my kids to parties unless I’ve met the parents. Also I only throw family birthday parties. My 12 year old will have her first friends birthday party for her 13th birthday. It’s not selfish some families do it differently.
Sounds selfish. Until you’ve been the mom when no one shows up for your babies birthday party… you don’t know how terrible it feels to watch your child be sad that no one showed up for them. It’s awful and heartbreaking. Just take your child. You don’t have to engage, sit in your car or something. I don’t want to go to parties most of the time, but it’s not about me. It’s about the children and them having a memorable childhood and making connections with other kids. Just take them to the party.
My son got invited to a classmates birthday party last year. We were the only ones who showed up. I’m socially awkward yet we will be attending every single one from now on.
How sad is it that you would expect people to show up for your daughter but wouldn’t show up for them. kids remember who was there every birthday I been to many many others have been invited and I’d be 1 of the 2 parents who made an effort to show. I want to be the parent who shows up so they can show for my Littles. Birthdays are important and your daughter deserves to get out and socialize. Don’t you want to be the mom your children’s friends love.
So drop your kid off? The parents that throw the parties for their kids usually give the option for the other parent to stay or leave?.. how would you feel if you invited kids to come to your daughters birthday and literally no one came?.. your daughter could be the only kid that shows up to that little kids birthday. Lord help me.
Sad. We try to make attempts to go to birthday parties when invited. We’ve been on the other side and it’s a horrible feeling inviting the class to the party and only one kid shows up.
This is a great topic.
I literally am having my daughters 6th birthday party tomorrow. She wanted to invite kids from her kindergarten class (first year in school so she’s beyond excited about her new friends). She only specifically requested a few, but I felt like it would be bad on me to not invite all of the kids in class. I don’t ever want anyone to feel left out (especially in kindergarten). We invited al 22 kids, invitations did ask for an RSVP Whether it was a yes or no, and I mentioned we just wanted RSVPS to know how much food/ goody bags to have ready.
I also would like to say if my daughter were to come home with an invitation I would ask her if she wanted to go.
When my daughter was in reception last year i took her to every party we could make just so she can make freinds it’s nice and when she had a party we invited the whole class and this year will be the same will be going every party we can make
Wow just wow u know how selfish that sounds. Yes we obviously need our time where we don’t do anything besides hanging at home but bdays do not happen that often to do that. It’s for your daughter, think about her feelings too, especially classmates. Kids get so excited to go to their friends bdays and the child throwing it could hv no one show up too, how sad would that be, so it’s not only for your daughter it’s for the other child too. I would at least make an effort to commit to a few of them.
My son was invited to a birthday party by a Facebook acquaintance he’s never met the kid nor have I. (My son is three) I told the mom I appreciate the invite but I don’t feel comfortable going to a party for a child I have not even met, but I’d love to get to know him let’s do a playdate. She said she appreciated my honesty and wants to do a playdate. My older son is 12 now so I let him make those choices. When he was younger it was up to him. He wanted to go so I’d go with him even if it made me feel awkward. When he was 10 the parties were drop off parties. So I’d drop him off. I do know schools have to invite the entire class if that is where they are handing out invitations. I get your feelings and I feel and felt the same way but it is for your child not for you and us as parents need to put our feelings aside when it comes to social life. Our kids didn’t have socialization not to long ago. So we have all gotten into this self isolation funk and it’s difficult to get out of it. Id get some therapy to work on why you feel this way and how to be able to go to these things with your child. Mental health is serious when it starts to affect your life and child’s it’s time to get help.
Coming from a mother who homeschools and lives in the middle of nowhere i wish my kids had this. Parties are important for kids, they get to be free(out of school) with there peers. Some of my best friends were made at parties. Also i think its good for them to go so that they learn etiquette. I don’t enjoy going myself and moat of the time tend to my kids instead of socializing but I definitely always make an effort to take them.
My child usually always wants to go to classmates parties and we live in a small town and I am just happy all classmates get included and now I’m getting ready to thrown my son a party for all his classmates.
If my child is going to get the socialisation he needs not to mention fun, I’ll go even if I don’t know the parents I make an effort or I sit and watch the kids.
It’s your child’s time to have experiences, friends and their own little life now and at a young age can’t do it on their own you have to put your comfort aside sometimes.
Well it’s just part of the job as a parent you put your own wants and things like that aside for what is best for your kids and socializing is very important, Your children making those bonds and those connections with people is very crucial, It’s literally only for a few hours,… And you don’t have to leave them you can opt to stay with them, Can’t imagine any Sing no you can’t do that then maybe that’s red flags,… And honestly coming from someone who doesn’t overtly want to be overly social lol I have made some pretty great friends And acquaintances along the way, And some of these kids are my children’s absolute best friends For me that is no inconvenience,
I ask my kid(s) if they want to go. If they say yes, they/we go. It isn’t about me, it’s about my kids making friends & memories. I already had my childhood fun.
You don’t have to go to every single one of them, but I bet your child would be happy if you actually took her into consideration instead of just doing what’s convenient for you.
I take my daughter to every class party she is invited to if we don’t have other plans, which we rarely do. I’m a huge introvert. I usually just sit in the corner by myself until it’s over. They usually don’t last very long
This is quite sad when you decide to have a child it’s kind of a given that you should put them first. I feel quite sorry for your daughter I bet her classmates are picking up on that she never shows up as well… which will affect her friendships. I’ve news for you hun no one likes going to these things! But my child does and that’s what it’s all about… or should be.
I make an effort to go to every party my kids are invited too. Ever since 4 years ago my son was invited and he was the only kid to show up and that has happened several times for both of my kids. When I rsvp I ask about bringing my other child since they’re close in age and usually wanted or needed to attend too. I have generalized anxiety disorder and socializing isnt always fun but usually its never as awkward as i fear.
Wow!!! I never comment on any of these posts but this one just hit a nerve with me. My daughter is 6 years old and in 1st grade, I am 55 and my husband 58. Last year while she was in kindergarten we went to at least a dozen birthday parties from classmates. Every single birthday invitation I got super excited for her and then got very nervous for myself. It is so difficult for me to go to these parties and hang out with all these young, cute, hip mommies. I put all my fears and anxieties aside because I have a beautiful daughter that has many awesome friends. I don’t know most of the families, but we show up because my daughter wants to go and hang out with her friends. This isn’t about me, this is about my child!!! My husband and I have actually starting buying all kinds of gifts for both boys and girls and just stashing them away for the next party. I will also add that going to all these birthday parties I have met a lot of really awesome young parents but we all have one thing in common, we love our children and will do anything for them.
My oldest is 3.5 and my son’s 2nd birthday party is this weekend. I will do whatever it takes to go to every birthday party possible. I’ve already had my share of parties that people didn’t show up to after I wasted hundreds of dollars on them! My kids are luckily too young to care that nobody showed up but I’m not ready for the day that they are old enough to see that their birthday wasn’t a priority to others like we make their friends parties a priority for us. My weekends are just as busy as my weekdays and we attend a lot of kids parties but it’s good karma I feel like. One day the endlessly busy weekends are going to slow down and I’m going to want them back just to be able to watch my kids have fun with their friends. I hope your own children never have to experience a party that none of their friends show up for🤷🏼♀️
If my child wants to go, we go. Unless we had other plans prior to receiving the invite. Socially awkward? Yes. But I do my best for them
We go to every party . The kids have fun and I sit there pondering my life choices. Everyone wins
I put my feelings aside and ask my child whether they wish to go or not and also the thought of noone rocking up breaks my heart so unless we’re already busy we’ll generally go, even if only for an hour or two
It’ll make the kids day.
Being on the end that hardly anyone came to my kids birthday party…the least you could do if you don’t want to go is to let the parent know. We buy so much stuff because nobody has the decency to either rsvp or let us know they can’t come that we overspend and then when only 2 people show up everything is wasted and the birthday kid is let down. Honestly it’s not about you. You’re making your kid miss out on good memories. I hope that the other parents don’t think like you. Unfortunately since this has happened multiple times with my kid we are opting on taking her somewhere super special considering I spent a ridiculous amount on a birthday party at a trampoline park only for 1 kid in her class to show up.
It’s part of being a parent. Your kids need to have interactions with other kids–both in and out of school–to become well grounded and socialized. These are memories that they will look back on when they are older. They are only kids once. Giving up weekends for your kids is what parents do.
I have my kids attend every party they are invited to (unless there’s a scheduling conflict). They’ve went to parties for kids at school where they were the only ones to show up. They can always be counted on to show up and care.
Haven’t had anyone invite my kids plus I don’t send out inventions for my kids birthday because I can’t afford the extra money to spend on more food and cake for class mates. We have family that comes over and plus we sometimes just celebrate it as a family without anyone else but will let family know they are invited over if want to come have cake and presents isn’t a necessity for them to get, it’s up to them. And if they do I usually be like they need this or want this. If they ask if they have something, either they have it or they don’t need the item I’ll let them know.
We have always made an effort to attend any party we are invited to. I look at it in the sense that I would want people to show up if it was for my kid. I feel bad when I read that someone’s kid had no shows and thought nobody liked them.
You should be there for your kids & the other kids. Depending on the ages & if you know the family, you could drop off and pick up; very little socializing required. If you’re NOT going to take your child at all, then at least have the courtesy of responding.
People have this mentality and is the reason why my daughter had only one friend show up to her birthday party. I am truly grateful for that friend and her mom, but it’s also why we celebrate birthdays with family that love her and show up so she doesn’t have to be let down like that ever again
That’s selfish. If I’m off work and don’t already have prior arrangements then we go because I know how it feels for people to not show up to my kids parties after they said they were coming and I spent my money and time preparing the party and food. Then think about how the kids feel when nobody shows up or very few show up!
Honestly I take my daughter when she wants to go. There are a few times she doesn’t because of said kid is mean to her. But I let her tell me she wants to go so we will go. I have bad social anxiety an it’s hard for me to even take her to doctor apts. But if it makes my baby happy those few hours of being in public with parents I don’t know is worth the beautiful smile that comes from my daughter at the end of the day.b
As the mother of a child who has an extremely hard time making new friends and has had more than one birthday spent in tears due to people not showing up I find this horrendous. Just because you don’t know the kid shouldn’t mean anything. In fact maybe it should be more so your child can meet someone new. I’m extremely introverted and have extreme social anxiety but I make my kids make it to every birthday they are invited to. I would hate to be the cause of another child’s tears over something as dumb as “I don’t want to spend my weekend” blah blah blah
If my kid gets invited and they want to go then we will go as long as we are available. I know what it’s like when noone shows up to parties. And I am socially awkward AF but I do it gor my kids. All the classmates get invited to the parties.
I feel you on this. I’m the same way. You’re not selfish especially if they’re toxic or you don’t even know them. As you mentioned it’s only strangers or toxic family that you don’t attend. I’m extremely uncomfortable around strangers and my kids are too. Yet people are saying you’re selfish or toxic. With my kids if they really want to go we go. I’m a single parent and my work schedule always changes. I dont feel it’s selfish. 9 times out of 10 I don’t get the invitation until the week of.
Think about the child who invited them. What if every parent felt that way and no one showed up🤷♀️ I would always ask my kids
I do the same. That is your choice as a parent. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Peace of mind is best.
Too many people don’t care these days. We go to EVERY party we’re invited to with a cute thoughtful present. It’s cool to care.
Seriously what happened to common courtesy these days, its quite sad when u can even send a simple msg to say ‘sorry such and such cant make it to bday party’
I leave it up to my kids. If they don’t want to then we don’t go. If it’s with family I don’t associate with much then he’ll usually go with another family member. That way he’s present and doesn’t miss out and I’m not out in a situation I’m uncomfortable in.
Not fair putting your fears first and stopping your child from socialising, take her to the party and hang around so that you are seeing for yourself that she is safe…if she is uncomfortable that is when you leave with her. I always took my kids to their friends parties and I stayed I wasn’t a good socialiser either but it was nice seeing my kids happy.
Mine goes by herself to birthday parties I just drop off with a quick exchange of words just like we did as kids. I’m anti social but i won’t ruin my daughters fun with her friends.
I don’t like being around strangers wen it comes to bday party’s from school . But if they ask and they got invited with a invitation all I do is talk to parent of the child and if I can drop and pick up after I don’t stay and they never had a problem . But I do let them go !
I love taking my daughter to birthday parties. It’s also a chance for me to get out of the house and socialize with other adults and meet new people.
I remember going to parties and I’m so thankful my mom always took me!
The toxic family thing I 100% agree with. Otherwise, do the rest. Your kid is a kid ONCE. Let them be happy
Rather selfish if you ask me, guess your not a “put your kid first kinda parent”.
I understand the social anxiety, but I would feel guilty if I hadn’t taken my kids to a party they were excited about. They’re only little once- and it FLIES!!
I take my kids to their friends parties… I stay with them and make an effort to introduce myself to the parents and thank them for the invite. I don’t drop off my kids like some do.
I have social anxiety but i always ask if adults need to stay or if i can pick them up later i figure its about my kids not me. If im invited to a party i usually never go
Norhing worse then paying for a child to enjoy ur childs birthday with them and they dont show up, another child could have had ur child’s place but selfish i think xxx
If My kids want to go we do our best to get them there . 2 of mine had birthday invitations for this weekend unfortunately we had plans to go away the weekend but I let the parents know that we might make it to the one siblings but one party is Saturday one Sunday.
Since the pandemic started and the fact that we have a newborn not only here at my house, but at their dad’s they have a new baby sister as well. If it isn’t close family that we can trust to monitor their health then we send a gift and thank them for the invite.
I put anxiety or Discomfort aside so my kid gets to socialize with her friends she tell me what parties she wants to go to from school an some of them come to hers we even had play dates an im kinda quiet but the kids are having fun
I am also not a social butterfly but my son always go to his friends parties up to the point that he doesn’t want me to go with him anymore. That time will come because it’s the same kids that are attending the same parties every year so you get to know the parents and vice versa. The only time I didn’t allow is early this year for my 4yr old and it’s because she not yet vaccinated and it broke my heart that she has to miss 3 parties and her first too but I can’t risk her getting sick. But soon she should be able to and am very excited for her. If you don’t wanna socialize you can just prolly stay in your car since kids parties are usually short and limited.
I would at least let them know we weren’t attending. My kid hasn’t been invited to much but we have gone for her and our knowledge of the kids and parents. We need to learn who the kids are interacting.
So I completely understand where you are coming from because I am literally the exact same way. But my daughter is in pre-K and she actually got a birthday invitation at the beginning of this week and her dad and I were hoping that the child just invited all the kids in the class just so I wouldn’t feel guilty about not going LOL but then our daughter’s teacher was letting us know that this little girl only invited my daughter and one other child and how she was saying she really wanted our daughter to be at her party. I have never met her or her family and I am very uncomfortable with going places I don’t know or meeting with people I don’t know. But I really do want my daughter to experience everything any other child gets to so I have decided to put my personal feelings aside and I am going to attend this birthday party with her because if this little girl really wanted my daughter to be there I believe she should go even though I will be uncomfortable the whole time because we all have had our friends and best friends when we were kids and loved going to birthday parties so I’m sure my daughter will love it just as much as the birthday girl will plus they will get that interaction outside of school so they could become really good friends over the years. But I know it is hard trust me I’m literally freaking out at the idea of me going but I feel it will be good for my child so I am putting my issues to the side so my child can enjoy her life like she should be allowed to!
I’m not going to lie. I love my kids and I wish I could do everything! But as a social anxiety person who also works 55+ hours a week I just don’t have the time or patience. I won’t leave my kids (11&17) places I don’t know the parents and I can’t always be there for everything. And as a full time working mom I’m not always available to just sit at someone’s party. We often send a gift or try to do something special with the birthday person. We also don’t invite the class to our bdays. I don’t expect anything I don’t give. I also understand everyone has their own schedule and everything doesn’t work for everyone.
I was your daughter once. Let me say, she will end up resenting you for it one day. A lot of my social anxiety comes from not being allowed to socialize as a child. Let her be a child this once. One day, sooner than you realize, it’ll be too late.