I can see both sides. Sheâs under your roof so she does need to follow whatever rules you have, & only been dating a week is a little early. But ultimately she is 21, & she really doesnât have to tell you what or where sheâs going since sheâs no longer a teen. I would give her your opinion, but once sheâs over 18 she can still do it if thatâs what she wants. Thatâs just what my mom did with me, & because she trusted me I would always tell her where I was going & who I was with just to respectful. Itâs also your house, so whatever you tell her she should follow
I understand where you are coming from. But you have to understand that if you try to control her life she may lock you out of hers.
Shes 21 and can make her own decisions. If you restrict her she will most likely do it behind your back. I understand itâs your house your rules but domt be a stuck up karen that doesnt let her kid do anything. Have some trust in her. I suggest looking at the facebook comments for this post. Have some trust in her. If she wants to be sexually active thatâs her choice as an adult. You have to trust that you taught her well enough to use protection and be on birth control. Know that you taught her well enough. She asked you out of respect so dont loose that respect.
She wants to sleep at his house? Sheâs 21 and should be able to say âI wonât be home tonightâ without any issue. At this point, itâs a courtesy to tell you why she wonât be home, to be quite honest. If his parents are allowing it, thatâs THEIR rules. You can set your own rules in your own home. And yes, that includes not allowing overnight guests for your 21 year old daughter. Especially if sheâs living there for free. If sheâs working, she should be able to contribute. Charge rent. Give her a bill to pay. Something.
I think itâs very strange that she would even ask permission, my late teen/adult children would just let me know what they were doing. I have one who always asks and I tell her she doesnât need to, and she says itâs just respect, which I appreciate. My answer is always âof courseâ. Itâs not my place to tell my adult kids what their lidlfe choices should be, if they seek advice Iâm there for it, but the choices are theirs to make.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. At what age do you allow your adult daughter to spend the night with her boyfriend?
Um. Sheâs an adult sis.
She is an adult & youâre seriously asking this question? Wow.
I think 21 is completely reasonable
You should just let her do it
I would literally die if you were my mother.
She doesnât need to ask you for permission everâŚ
And you have no say at all.
Shes an adult.
Shes an adult. They are gonna have sex regardless
She doesnât need your permission. Sheâs an adult. 
Ummmm sheâs an adult she should be able to do as she pleases
Shes an adult telling her no and enforcing such rules will just make her run. You dont have that option. She needs to make her own mistakes learn her own lessons shes 21 its no longer your decision
Um shes an adult?!?!?!
It doesnât matter what everyone thinks⌠Itâs your home. Your rules.
Iâm amused⌠Itâs always âMind your business as to how ppl parent!!â Unless you disagree. 
So funny.
If sheâs such an adult, she can always move out and he can stay as much as they want.
She is a adultâŚbut it would be different if she or he had their own placeâŚthatâs disrespectful to do that in a parents homeâŚjust remember she is 21 u cant realy stop herâŚjust saying if she grown enough to do that then she need get her own place if she expects to be treated like adult then she needs act like oneâŚonly my opinion
Sheâs an adult, sheâs more than capable to make her own decisions
It is her body and she is an adult. Her choice 100%
Honestly she doesnât need your permission at all. Sheâs an adult and shouldnât need to ask you if she can do something.
Shes an adult she can do wat she wants but if sheâs staying under ur roof then she should accept ur rules
Nope. Get her own place if she wants to do adult things.
I had 2 kids by the time of was 21. Sheâs an adult and can make her own decisions on when is too early etc.
Iâd talk to her and tell her your concerns adult to adult and let her decide ⌠Not letting her decide will not end in a healthy way for you ⌠I know easier said than done
I think its respectful and considerate of her to ask your permission and your opinion, even though reality she shouldnât have too.
If it were my daughter being 21 she would be educated about safe sex, id let her know in my opinion âit only being 1 week is abit too soonâ though I would not use any authority over her and allow her to make her own choices.
The fact she is asking is her fault. Youâre lucky she didnât just let you know the plan and left. However she asked and you answered so 
When I was 21âŚI wouldnât have even asked
Uh. 21? Wow. You gotta let go mama.
I think you definitely made the right decision⌠I think you should follow it up with a conversation about why⌠she may not want to hear it, but itâs important and she may take that no better then if she believes itâs just a no bc you can say noâŚ
Mary Hollingsworth Sheâs not doing it in her home thoughâŚ
Sheâs an adult - but ⌠heâs 19? Is he actually 19? She knows for a fact ? A few years isnât a huge deal unless heâs actually under 18 âŚ.
You have absolutely no say literally at all. Your daughter is 21 years old if she wants to leave the house to go spend the night with her boyfriend she shouldnât even have to ask you. Youâre just gonna end up pushing her away.
Sheâs 21! I think her asking you was a courtesy. Let her grow up!
I would just be happy that sheâs not asking to have him in your home! So what if she goes there? Sheâs an adult, treat her like one. She has to learn from her own life not yours. She can legally drink, or does she have to ask?
If sheâs out of high school, I donât understand why sheâs asking, and not just telling you. She is an adult. I was a mother by her age. Sheâs asking, not telling. Sheâs trying to respect you. Respect her.
I once knew a 39 yr old man who literally asked permission to spend the night at my house to his mom and she said no and he listened⌠I knew that was a red flag all around that family and ran
Why are you getting a say at all in her sexual life as an adult⌠back off thatâs creepy!
21 smh sheâs an adult doesnât really need approval yes she lives in her house but also she needs to live her own life too.
Iâm surprised sheâs even asking you !
I would say she can stay there but if you donât want them at your house thatâs understandable
Shes 21. Let her do what she wants
I think you should tell her he can stay at your house and set rule cause itâs your roof they are staying under. You do not want her to go stay at a hotel or lie to you about where she ks staying and go to his house
Sheâs an adult, living in YOUR house. Your house, your rules. If she wants to do as she pleases, she needs to be on her own. Stick to your gut feeling.
While yes sheâs an adult, youâre still her mother. You can guide her, but trust sheâll make smart decisions. If sheâs been responsible till now, let her go. Itâs her right, as hard as that is. Youâre holding on because sheâs letting you. If she decides to leave, you need to start preparing yourself now as she gets older. Whether she understands that you were too young or not is now fortunately not an issue, as sheâs old enough, although her maturity is still growing. But, if itâs money thatâs standing in the way of her college endeavors, then let her find her own way. We want to hover, but what adult children need most is trust and guidance. You can always pray. Thatâs a big way to help her navigate through her own journey. Itâs obvious she loves you and looks up to you. So, show her youâre by her side no matter what, but you can still let her in on your experiences without her feeling you donât trust her. Read, âRunning on Emptyâ. Itâs a wonderful way to adjust to lifeâs ups and downs being itâs about creating a healthy relationship with your âselfâ and your loved ones. While helping your kids along their own paths. Use it in audiobook form while doing chores and youâll be finished with it in 2-3 days. Good luck. You can do this. Trust and guidance. Starting with prayer.
Oh my word lady. Time to cut the umbilical cord there. Let that young woman be just THAT a young woman! She really didnât even need to ask but she respected you enough to. Now let her be an adult.
I think your looking at this wrong. You told her no right out instead of treating her like the adult she is. I think you should talk to her and tell her your concerns adult to adult and let her decide⌠Not giving her the chance to decide for herself will not end well for yall in the long run
Iâm old school, so I believe she has already showed respect to you by telling you about her plan. Now sheâs going to be making a decision that she may regret and you know that already. Hopefully you have instilled the values in her to make good choices.
Honestly, my parents knew then I was smart & knew how to use protection, and I did just so. They allowed me a couple of times at that age to do that. I was thankful because I really liked him at the time, but trust your instincts, if you feel itâs not right donât do it. its all up to you mama. she sounds very responsible in my opinion
I can understand why you donât want him spending the night , but at the same time cut the damn cord lady . Sheâs 21 not 12 .
Sheâs being very respectful by asking and you as a parent should be a little more respectful to her. Donât tell her what she can and canât do because sheâs grown. Talk to her about your feelings but in the end itâs her life to live. I understand she lives in your home but she didnât ask to bring him to your house she asked to go to his place and if his parents are ok with that then that should be her choice. Let her grow up and make her own choices in life.
Going thru the same thing with my 20yr old son. I will not allow it. His age is considered adult, he is not. I explain when he moves out and pays his own rent that is fine. My house my rules 
Sheâs almost 21! Sheâs not 15. Technically sheâs an adult and can make her own choices. All you can do is make her move out or get over it.
She is an adult let her live her own life the way she wants 2, her life her lessonsâŚ
Its gonna happen regardless if you want it to or not, they will find a way to be together. If you still want her at home either you compromise with her or let her move out and on with her life.
Iâm the same way, like what you said, but everyone? Has there own opinions. Do what you feel what you think is right itâs your house. Just have a talk with her of why you say no. Good luck
Shes an adult. Let her live her life
I was a mother at her age 
you canât wrap them in cotton wool forever
âEspecially with no college educationâ
By 21 & 22, my husband and I were engaged, had planned and had our first child, and purchased our first home.
(With no completed college education, as I was still going online at the time)
I have my degree in early childhood education.
Iâve been a stay at home momma since day 1.
And only just started working for myself 2 years ago. I now run my own business while homeschooling our 3 beautiful children.
My husband has no college education. He went a semester and hated it. He wanted to be working still. He has earned certificates and training through the years. And now is also self employed for the last few years.
College education does NOT determine ones ability to parent or be a responsible adult.
Let them do it at home or they might pick up an indecent exposure charge doing it somewhere in public.
This is a troll post right?
Uh, have a consent, goals, protection talk with her and then let her be an adult bruhâŚ
What in the fuck? Youâre still running your adult daughters life?? Do you change her diapers too? Get out of here
My oldest is 19 and stays mostly at her boyfriends house i figure since she we talked about sex since a young age and she asked to be on bc at 15 shes mature enough to make her own decision.
It most certainly is inappropriate. A date is a date but stay the night is stay the night and a week of knowing someone at 21 years of age you donât really know that person well enough to spend the night.
Youâre disgusting for dictating her life at that age
Let her make mistakes. How else she gonna learn
Its not your decision what she does with HER body!
Sound like a control freak.
Hahahaha . Youâre hilarious. âAllowing ADULT daughter to spend the night with her boyfriendâŚâ . Sheâs an adult, thereâs sweet F All you can do about it. At. All. Ever.
I started my family at 21. No regrets. Way different than being a teenage mom.
I had my daughter at 21. 
Let her do what she wants. At least she was being honest
If they want to have sex they will, whether it under your roof or not. Better they do it somewhere safe rather than in a parked car somewhere
Um wtf. Sheâs an adult not a teenager, I donât get why sheâd even ask
They want to sleep together, thereâs always a hotel.
What in the actual fuck. Are you going to hold her hostage until sheâs 30.
My sons are 20 and 22 and both have girlfriends that have spent the nightâŚI would rather them be home where I know they are safe! Ive raised them and now its time for them to make adult decisions. They respect our home and I respect their freedom.
Sheâs an adult and can make her own decisions. Yes she lives with you but she isnât having him spend the night at your house. She shouldnât need permission to do things outside of your house. And she doesnât need permission or either house if she wants to be with this guy. You are not going to stop them from having sex. Would it make you feel better if she had her own place and had her bf stay over then? Or maybe make her pay rent then she is a tenant and doesnât need permission.
Omg shes 21, back off!
Sheâs an adult her relationship life is none of your business even if she does live with you.
her choice âŚshes over 19 âŚ
all you can do is give her a list of rules of your house .if she donât like it then she can.be grown and get her own place
A lot of yâall are saying sheâs an adultâŚyes while that is very true but sheâs still her motherâŚitâs never an easy thing to let your kid(s) do even as they get older & can make their own decisions! You always want to help and protect them no matter what age they are! Sheâs only known this guy for a week & yâall think itâs okay to sleep over at his âparentsâ home? I wouldnât even be okay with it! But everybodyâs different & has their own opinion!
Mama, you know whatâs best! You raised your daughter, not any of these people on here! You know her better than anybody else. Sit down and talk with her(adult to adult) let her know how it all makes you feel since youâve been there before yourself! But as for me as a mother of 6 girls & 2 boys, I wouldnât allow my kids to sleep over at a boy/girl house like that. Iâm very protective of my children no matter what! If anything happens to any of them it all falls on me & my husbandâŚ.no one else! So do what you have to do mamas, sit down & talk with your daughter. Communication goes a long way! Goodluck 
And who said they were going to have sex? Wouldnât you prefer your daughter somewhere she feels safe to say no (if they are going to have sex) than being somewhere she feels possibly pushed into it?
My daughters boyfriend lives with us sheâs 21 m heâs 22 both have jobs
Whoever is paying for the housing (rent/house payment) gets to make the rules. And a week isnât nearly long enough.
Is this for real ??!! 
Ya sheâs 21 get over it !!!
I think itâs weird that you think itâs ok to control the sex life of an adult.
Wtf!!! You canât Bubble wrap your children! Let her live her life omg! I Actually feel sorry for her !!!
Itâs not your decision anymore. She doesnât need your permission. She can inform you but she doesnât have to ask.
Sheâs an adult. Is this a joke? I hate to tell you, sheâs probably doing things that can get her pregnant anyway. At 22 I got pregnant with no college education. At 36, I still have no college education but I do have 5 kids, and make six figures a year. Please donât be this parent.
Even tho she is still living at home she is 21 and should be able to make that decision on her own, its your decision of course and her decision if she wants to go by your rule at 21 but that is just my opinion. Have a great day. Best of luck to you both
I definitely say no. There are some lines that should never be crossed in your parents home.
My husband was 21 when we got married and i was 23. We had our first child the year after. Weâve been married 11 years this year. Youâre doing more damage than good right now. Let it go. You canât control her forever
Only been dating a week, hell no.
Lol! Leave the girl alone. I was married by 21.
My mom was letting my boyfriend spend the night by the time I was 15-16. I didnât have a child until I was almost 25. Just because they spend the night together doesnât mean sheâs going to be irresponsible enough to get pregnant.
Wow! 
The law is you can legally have sex at age 16! So she is 21! She is adult and is more than capable of making her own decisions. I was pregnant at 19, a mum by 20 and a mum of 4 by the time i was 27, married to my husband now who is the father of my 4 children. Let her be her own person amd live her own life and experiences! 
Sheâs 21. Let her live her life.
Iâm 29 dont live with my parent but did when i was 19 and have stayed the night with my parents multiple times since then and it was ALWAYS the rule. Boys are never allowed to stay there with us. But last year my dad actually let me and my boyfriend sleep in the same bed. I was completely dumbfounded lol so i kinda get where youâre at but at the same time, she is an adult and its not like they are sleeping in your house. Your house, your rules.
21 is definitely old enough to make her own choices. Spending the night doesnât necessarily mean having sex either. Even if that was the case and she wanted to - her body her choice. This seems a bit controlling and lying to you in the future seems much easier.