Once she’s 18, it’s really her CHOICE to inform you about her relationships. I can’t imagine asking my mother for permission at 21. I’m 22, have 2 kids and have been married lmao come on now.
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Omg let go a bit. Let her know about birth control then let her live the way she wants.
She’s 21… not 12,
It’s ok
To
Sorry about your kids, but she’s a grown ass adult…
She could of went at 18 cut her some slack. Hopefully she’s on birth control
Oh man this is controlling. She’s not your possession she doesn’t need permission to live her life
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I gave my kids a choice when they graduated high school…
- You can live rent free, but you live by my rules.
- You can pay rent and live by your own rules, but you still have to do courtesy calls if you’re not coming home, and no overnight guests.
My son chose 1, girls chose 2. They’re going to have sex when they want to, but I do agree that I wouldn’t have allowed their boyfriends to stay over. Like I said, whether you “allow” her to sleepover, she’s still gonna have sex with him.
She definitely shouldn’t be allowed to go while living under your roof and doing nothing with her life. 1 week is too fast regardless though
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Lol idk why she asked you anyways i stayed the night at my boyfriend’s house without my parent’s permission when I was 18 and graduated high school 
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Stand your ground, mom. Society today tells you it’s ok bc she’s almost 21. She’s living under your roof and your rules rule!!!
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Once shes 18 its non of your business, yes she still has to respect your rules at your house but she can do whatever she pleases.
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She’s an adult… Treat her like one. I got ENGAGED at 21. Surely she’s old enough to stay the night at someone’s house?! You are wayyy over bearing and controlling my gosh. I feel bad for her. Let her live her own life.
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your house, your rules or get out.
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Well i had my daughter at 21 no collage education either now im about to own my own coffee shop… Shes grown you shouldnt controll her like that
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The fact she even asked you instead of just doing do is alot better than a lot of girls would do . id just say i was staying at a friends and stay the night … I mean shes 21 & its not in your home so whats the issue? Its the boyfriends parents home & who are you say the rules ? Do you tell her what friends house she can and cant stay at?
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At 21 your lucky she asks you
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I was a senior in high school and my boyfriend now husband was staying the night at my parents with me no we didn’t do nothing but I was 18 so she really couldn’t tell me no I mean yes she is my mom but she new I was an adult. I was also married at 21 and having a baby by 22 and we were living together right after high school
She’s 21 years old. Legally an adult. If she’s paying her own bills and she’s responsible, I really wouldn’t make a big deal out of this. Especially considering she’s asking your permission still, even though she doesn’t have to, that alone shows you have a good kid. Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill.
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Wow mumma you hard work, you can say no to him staying at “your” house but I believe you have no right telling a 21 year old that she can’t stay at his if that is what she wants to do . Now I’m assuming she would know all about contraception being she is an adult now . Have faith in your parenting an that you got her this far an she is doing well. an if you don’t loosen the leash on her at some point she will break it an still do her own thing an probably not tell you a damn thing if it gets that far . Pick you battles n good luck
I truly agree with mom on this one.
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Stick to your rules, Mom You’re in the right.
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I mean, if she wants to do it, she’ll find a way to do it 
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What are you afraid of? Her having sex or staying out all night?
Remember it dont need to be at night or all night.
I be more afraid of where she spending the night.
Just saying:/
It’s your ego…You’re worried about how she will look and if people will question how she was raised. You did what you know how…Of course give her opinion but let her fly…She makes the final decision…She got this 
. And she’ll come back and tell you when she doesn’t…
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Nope if this was my daughter I would say No! They can date all they want but spending the night thats big No. As long as she lives under my roof and haven’t graduated and have a job to support herself on her own she’s still my responsibility. Any accidents that she might get pregnant i would feel responsible that I didn’t do my best to prevent it. I know there many ways to prevent pregnancy but sometimes accidents happen.So if she wants to make her own decisions then I’m ok to let her out my house. She can Experience of being an adult to have to go to school while working 2 jobs just to make ends meet. Then she can see if she can have time to date. If she does go behind my back then I’ll help her pack her things and move in with the guy parents house.
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Tell her your house is not the LOVE SHACK! TELL HER THAT bf is a cheap skate go to a motel
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Say that again …ADULT Daughter.
I didn’t even read your story.
Why bother.
She’s an ADULT!
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I’m just wondering why she’s even asking you. 
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SHE’S 
20
YOU ARE NOT THE KEEPER OF HER VAGINA
Honestly it’s sad that you’re so controlling that she even had to ask
Your daughters a dumbass for even asking. She has no reason to. And you’re a dipshit for giving her any other answer than “you’re an adult. That’s your decision to make.”
She is 21 and a legal adult u can’t keep her from doing things I don’t like … she isn’t even bringing him to ur house so what’s the problem? She is old enough to know that sex leads to babies and if she wants to have sex and risk getting pregnant that’s her choice she is a adult it shouldn’t matter she is still living with u or not
your house …your rules
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Your too controlling. Let her live her life before she decides to live her life without you in it. She is an adult voice your opinion and leave it at that. You have to have faith that you done your job raising her and now it’s on her. Be grateful that she included you in the decision but know the final decision is hers.
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She’s an adult lol. She’s gonna do it anyways way to over protective
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Alisia Rae Pipitolu fuck I’d say I had 3 kids by then
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I’m guessing your real fear is losing her, and if you continue doing this, you will.
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Teenage mom (16) of a 21 year old stay at home adult. Yea…you’re doing the most! But hey its your kid and its your relationship with them thats on the line.
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Wow I’m surprised she even puts up with this controlling nonsense. She’s paying bills, has a job and is an ADULT. Being a teen while living at home vs being a responsible adult with a job while living at home are two different things and she is absolutely not too young to have a baby. Don’t want her boyfriend at your house? That’s you’re right and your rules, but telling her she can’t spend the night somewhere at 21 is crazy and controlling as hell. The only thing you should have control over in this situation is your house, not your 21 year old adult daughter.
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My son was 19 and living at home when his gf first slept over BUT she slept in his bed and he slept on the couch and he stayed on the couch(his grandparents were living with us too so his grandfather made sure he stayed on the couch lol). You have to TRUST your daughter someday and if your afraid of her getting pregnant well make sure she’s on birth control, I also see where your coming from though knowing a guy a week is a little too soon maybe like 2mos would be ok
I see it as a cultural thing… my kids are always coming home till they get a place of their own. Your house your rules.
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I don’t know. I was married at 19. Got an education after married, have a stable job and marriage. Shes old enough to make out her life without you painting it for her.
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We all want our little girls to stay just that but the facts of life is they dont. Be thankful she came and asked you at 21 she didnt have to… let her go a little and trust that you’ve raised her right.
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She’s an adult, she can or will do it no matter what you say. It’s out of your control with her being an adult.
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Daughter lived at home. She asks for and apparently needs permission to take this step. This mother/adult child relationship is close and interdependent. They have to work it out between themselves. However, two young people who are either unable or unwilling to live independently of their parents are not ready for an activity that can produce babies.
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Wow way over protective. If she gets pregnant you make her work more and find a place to live like the adult she is. Make the dad do his share too.
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The fact that she asked your permission may identify she respects your opinion, or… You control what she does, I hope it’s the first. She’s going to do what she is going to do, I think you should focus on not being judgemental… Can you remember what is was like to be young. As long as she is safe
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Your house, your rules. Adults live on their own and support themselves.
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Holy shit I hope this is a joke…
Are you serious? Just because she has the respect to ask you doesn’t mean she has to listen to you. She’s an adult…for several years mo
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I moved out of my parents home at 20, got pregnant 8 months later and moved back in at 21 with my SO and baby. If its gonna happen, its gonna happen🤷♀️ She is an adult at 21 and can make her own logical decisions, but if this is something that you dont feel comfortable with then you will need to discuss different living arrangements
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Depends honestly. Yes she is 21 but still lives and resides under your home so she also has rules to follow that if she doesn’t like she can move out which at 21 she has every right to do. From my experience we each lived w our parents at home until the day we got married. I was from a strict Italian home and was not allowed ( even engaged ) to have him spend the night in our home. Was their home and their rules. So I do understand both sides. If you don’t feel comfortable with it then tell her as long as she lives under your roof your rules apply and she is free to move out.
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Fact of the matter is, she’s still an adult. She’s gonna do whatever she wants regardless. If she doesn’t, it’s only because she’s respecting you. But all you can do is make sure she’s being safe, and keep open communication with her. Don’t break any trust you have with her because she doesn’t feel like hearing your mouth if she lets you know what she does.
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I think it’s awesome that she asked you first since she does live in your home and under your roof = your rules. If she didn’t like that she could always move out on her own, she may not be ready for that. I was a waitress in HS and early College years and lived at home too. I had (thanks to really good tips) a ton of $$ to do what I wanted and have fun, I barely paid for gas and maybe part of my car, can’t remember exactly. But having a lot of money while living at home and having a lot of money as a waitress after putting a roof over your own head and all the bills that come with, are a totally diff thing. Obviously she is in your house for a reason, does she have plans for college maybe?? Anyways, technically it’s not up to you, however I agree that a week is too soon. As an adult child of parents that were pretty strict, they did ease up when I was flower to 18-20 and I did stay with my boyfriend a few times while still under their roof. I was in college and working full time though, I don’t remember asking them, I do know they didn’t really like it that much, but it is what it is and we just moved on. There will be lots of times like this while she is living with you that you won’t like her decision, and yes it’s now her decision since she is old enough, however you are 100% entitled to express that opinion, try to get her to see it your way, and if you are Totally not going to stand for whatever she is doing at the moment, there is always the “my house my rules card” ya know. I think this is difficult but I can also tell that you guys have somewhat of a mature relationship or she would have lied to you about it, so kudos to you on that momma and good luck!
She is an adult. Let her have her boyfriend over. Resentment will build between you otherwise and your relationship will be impacted.
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As a teenage mother who was baggeredinto not being allowed to spend private time with any of my boyfriends I got knocked up because I had to be sneaky. No condoms or BC because I could never openly talk about it. Teach your daughter the wrong doings you did. Don’t just expect her to know better. Smh
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Let’s talk about birth control and condoms if you are so worried about pregnancy instead of telling an adult you feel some type of entitlement to because she lives under your roof what she can and can’t do with her body daughter or NOT
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So how about teaching her about safe sex instead of expecting an ADULT to abstain like you’re in the goddamned 1950’s. Maybe if you had half a brain you too would have learned about safe sex and you wouldn’t have been knocked up as a teen. Just because you made stupid mistakes doesn’t mean she will… she’s an adult and you’re a fool. For those saying your house your rules… its not YOUR house, its his parents house so you’re out of luck ya controlling hag
You can tell her you think it is to fast and explain why but I would not tell her no that will make her want to more. Also if you don’t want her getting pregnant you could ask if she is on birth control and educate her about it and see if she would like you to help her make an appointment for it? My little sister was 17 and I did not ask if she was having sex because I knew she wouldn’t answer me but I just asked if she was on birth control and explained to her how it can also help make your periods better and less painful and took her to get an IUD (the IUD was her choice) but two years later and no pregnancies or having to worry.
she needs to find a better paying job and get out on her own. She is well old enough to be sleeping with whom ever she like. Its her body and her decision. She can go get a motel. But i tell her time to be on her own. Pay her own bills.
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Educate her about safe sex. Just cause you messed up your life doesn’t mean she will.
Rainbow-Sky Quintal any comments?
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Lines 11-13 say it all.
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Wow get a grip lady she’s an adult hahahaha don’t even know why she asked you
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A week is pretty fast and I do think she will probably have sex with him with out your approval… that being said she needs to be on birth control and if she’s going to use your house as a motel then it’s time to charge for room and board. It’s not that she’s not an adult it’s about her responsibility to protect herself, her respecting your boundaries, and lastly respecting herself. He 19, still a teenager, lives at home, and neither can afford a child; and it’s not right to push their problems into their families or anyone else including the possible child. The hormones will change, and if they can’t afford to play then they should not expect others to foot the bill.
Allow and adult do not correlate.
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Umm she’s an adult… like not just turned 18 still in hs but a real adult. Why would she need permission to stay with her boyfriend?
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To funny!!! Poor girl, the only thing she should be “asking” you, when he stays the night
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The fact that she asked permission is huge! Lots of people stay with their parents it’s hard to afford life now a days. She should be able to do with her body what she wants to do with it. Just because she lives with you does not mean you can tell her what she can do with her body or her free time. This is why a lot of kids hide things from their parents! After all she is 21!! She is more than old enough to have sex and have sleepovers!
When I started dating my husband we talked for a few days then I moved in a week later 
she’s 21 he’s 19 no biggie. If she was 21+ and he was 16 yeah…nah.
Ummm… why is it any of your business who your ADULT daughter sleeps with and how soon it is that she is sleeping with them?! 
sure you may not want it in your home that’s your choice but other than that it’s not your business REGARDLESS if your her mother. It was a privilege that she shared that information with you. You keep acting entitled and judgmental she will revoke that privilege and not tell you shit anymore.
She’s 21 wth get real lady
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Your roof, your rules. I think that if you are allowing her to stay rent free then you can make whatever rules you want. She is 21. If your daughter doesn’t like your rules of your house she is definitely old enough to move out and start paying her dues to society where she can make her own rules.
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I agree with you 100% the main reason is they have only been dating a very short time.
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Omg listen how you people are talking to her . She doesn’t want her daughter going down the wrong path. I wish my parents stopped me
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Your house your rules, if she’s not happy get her own place.
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She’s an adult, what she does anymore (as long as it’s not hurting anyone else) doesn’t really concern you
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No she should stay home. She doesn’t know him. A week NO way
Y on earth would she ask she is an adult like seriously
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If they want to be adult. Move out
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No matter the age both should respect their parents.I they want to be sleeping together should be somewhere else.
You have to cut those apron strings. I think you should just accept it best thing is if she’s with him at your home you know their safe.
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She’s an adult & is asking out of respect for u as her mother but she’s still an adult as is her boyfriend 
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My son”s gf spent the night at our house but they couldn’t sleep together, even after dating for years. Now they live in their own house so they can do what they want.
Some of these responses!!! She is an adult and can make her own decisions but she’s living in her MOTHERS HOUSE (rent free). If she doesn’t want to live by moms rules, she can move somewhere that’s allows her to live by her own rules.
Or maybe start paying rent at home and then maybe she’d have a leg to stand on.
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I’d rather her be safe under my roof than in a park, But honestly she’s an adult. If she can vote she can choose who she has sex with. You were a teen mum, Im only guessing but if she is willing to come to you and ask you know she has a good head on her shoulders. Keep that relationship going and show her the same respect.
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Please stop being controlling. Even if it comes from a good place. At her age, you’re entitled to know if she’ll be home that night so you know whether to leave the light on… And that is all you should reasonably ask. If you parented when she was young, she knows the risks. But frankly… She sounds pretty responsible. Not wanting our children to make our mistake is normal. What you’re doing can cause more harm than good… She’ll be afraid to make decisions for herself, she can depend on other’s guidance … Even when it’s not in her best interest. This can cause anxiety. And frankly… Sexual dysfunction does not sound fun. It’s a perfectly normal thing… If you act like it’s something to avoid, you could cause her all kinds of issues.
My suggestion… When she asks you questions a child would ask their parent… Rephrase it and ask her her own question.
Instead of saying, “OMG no! I don’t want you to get pregnant!”
Say…“So, you’re asking if it’s a good idea to go spend the night with a young man you’ve known a week. I’m not sure how I feel about it. What do you think?”
It invites more conversation and she’ll most likely come to her own conclusion. If she decides to go… It’s okay to revive her to use protection or ask if she’s on birth control.
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I think she old enough to stay with her boyfriend,the bad thing here is that she’s with him for only a week and that’s to soon.
Wow. I do find it extremely, dear I say 'stifling that you would be concerned about her spending the night with a boyfriend at her age and go so far as to ‘not allow it’. You have the say what happens under your roof and I under your discomfort and boundaries with maybe having him stay over but she is well into her adult years now and if she chooses to do something like this the only inappropriate thing is you making such a big deal about it. Its lovely she still lives at home but i think it would be inappropriate to let her live there under the ‘agreement’ that she can as long as she doesn’t grow up. You have the right to ask her to move out if she doesn’t live by your rules and it would probably be in her best interests to go if thats the case, but it doesn’t need to be that way. There’s a middle ground. It’s hard to adapt to growing and changing children…and to let go and let them make their own decisions…and be responsible and be adults…but its time. Let her be 21. Its ok. You’ve obviously done a great job raising her…now its time to sit back and let her practice her own autonomy. Best of luck with it and good on you for reaching out for consultation on this.
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The answer is no. I’m not sure why there’s a debate.
I was 18 and living at home and wanted to spend the night at a guys place that I had known for a year and we were interested in each other. My mom had previously met him a few times and let me go. Me and him have been going almost 3 years strong now. We were both living with our parents at the time but my mom trusted him and myself and I was an adult and she couldn’t really hold me back from it
Shes an adult she should consider moving out. If she can’t spend the night with someone when shes 21… She’s a adult…
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I allow it. I’ve always believed that id rather know and them be honest with me than sneaking around and doing it behind my back. At least I know where they are and that they’re safe. There are rules and they both respect that. I have a great relationship with all my kids and they all stay out of trouble and do very well in school and they work. I think open and honest is the best policy.
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The only thing these people that are adamantly saying no are going to do is drive their children away. 21 is an adult. Most at that age don’t ask they just do it, so she respects you. If you continue to try to control her that respect may end. It’s better to have a good relationship with your adult children, so that they will still come to you for advice and guidance. Otherwise, your going to get totally shut out. She then will do what she wants, even if she has to lie to you to do it.
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Your house, your rules. If she doesn’t like it, time to move out.
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I would pray about it.
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Well she’s 21 & could’ve lied to you so … I’d be grateful she was honest & respect her age & the upbringing I gave her.
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It’s a different world. If they are both legally adult, you can not allow it under your roof, but beyond that, it’s not your business. There is nothing they can do at midnight that they can’t do at 3 in the afternoon.
Be glad you have open communication with your daughter.
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I moved out when I was 16 and took care of myself and got married at 19 graduated high school and me and my husband are both living happily with our three kids so you know there’s nothing wrong with getting pregnant early she’s an adult it’s her choice. She has a job she pays her own way and if you want her to pay rent then ask her. But I do think you’re being a little overbearing and controlling with this she’s an adult and I think you should let her be one she’s already got a job and moving in the right direction to be a good adult and go where she needs to. Yes her you’re her mother and you want to protect her she’s your baby I get it. But you got to cut the umbilical cord sometime and she’s almost 21 years old you need to let her be an adult. She’s not sleeping with her boyfriend under your roof she’s going over to her boyfriend’s house and his parents approve it is not inappropriate for a 19 and 20 year old to be together. I was married at 19 and had a baby at 20 and me and my husband are very successful so there is nothing wrong with it.
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When they get married or when they have their own place ………
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When she’s married 