Oh my! My bf at 16 was sleeping with me overnight in my bed!
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Your an amazing mom for being so protective. However 21 she should be allowed to IMO
Theyāre already having sex, if thatās what your worried about. Day time/night time sex is the only difference here. She is a whole grown woman.
It wouldnāt happen at my house but I hold strong Christian values, that wasnāt always the case. She is 21 and she can do what she wants. Sounds like she respects you enough to ask and do as you say. I believe you can voice your opinion but she really is an adult and can do what she wants.
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All my kids are grown, youngest is 22. Their girlfriends or boyfriends have spent the night here and theyāve stayed with them at their house. My youngest daughter has spent the weekends with her boyfriend for the past 2 years. I donāt ask my kids to pay rent either. My 22 year old had his 19 year old girlfriend stay here for the weekend a few times. Heās got his own place now and sheās stayed with him often since sheās an adult. My kids that still live at home, 2 out of 5, ask me if someone can stay here but never ask if they can stay somewhere, they just tell me they are staying somewhere. They are all adults now and I donāt expect to be asked if they can do whatever they want
Iād say sheās an adult but I would caution her to get to know this guy for more than a week to be sure sheās not just a booty call (or maybe thatās Ok with her?) or a creeper, or whether or not he has any STDs. Has she been to his house? Met his parents? How long has she known him before they began dating a week ago? Has she googled him? Iām assuming she knows to use at least one kind of birth control and protection, but it always bears repeating.
Why is she living at home? Is she saving for a place to live? College or further training? Or is she just adrift at the moment? What about him? Has she ever sat down and figured out how much sheāll need for living expenses on her own or with a roommate? This is an exercise you should do with her, and include car costs including taxes, gas, inspections, insurance and maintenance. Does either of the two have any short or long-term goals?
You canāt issue an ultimatum but you can ask helpful questions and make her think. And make sure she knows you will pick her up anywhere, anytime if she needs to get away from an uncomfortable and/or unsafe situation.
She asked ? I mean sheās being honest just tell her to use protection. Thatās great she still comes to u. When I was 21 I was not as open with my mom lol
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Your parents house, their rules. But at 21 I donāt get why permission is needed to spend the night with him elsewhere. She can also move out on her own.
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youāre lucky sheās asks. wow
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Oh once sheās out of your house sheāll do whatever to make sure it stays that way, sheās an adult yet you treat her like a child she will definitely have some resentment on that, my sister and I both left home so we could live our lives, as soon as we could
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If I were in your situation, 21 is old enough to make decisions for herself. Specially, if you want her to become an independent woman youāre gonna have to give her the chance to make decisions for herself regardless of the consequences. How else sheās going to learn if you would not give her the chances? Me personally, I donāt want my child to move out unless she already has a degree and stable job. I donāt wanna see her struggle, and worry how sheās gonna pay a roof over her head, foods to eat and pay for rent and college as well. 21 is old enough to make any decisions for herself but I also do believe all of us will forever need guidance of elderly. Therefore, Iām just going to teach her the knowledge that I know when it comes to relationships. And sleeping with a guy that you just met aināt gonna make him stay, if thatās what you expect. Itās too fast. And If she still continues to do so, itās up to her.
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I mean she doesnāt need your permission to do it. Sheās 18 and an adult. I would be appreciative of her asking you. But yes I would ālet herā if she is 21
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You can voice your concerns to a degree, but she is an adult and can make her own decisions. You can make the rules for your own home, but you canāt force her to do what you want her to do elsewhere.
I stopped reading at āimmediately i said noā 
like wtf. I have 4 grown children. After 18 they are adults. They donāt have to ask my permission for anything, my advice, yes but other than thatā¦its their life.
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Voice your worries and then let her make up her own mind. If you try to hold her down stop ect you are running the risk of her IF she has a full time job and her own car meaning she pays for it all of her moving put and shutting you off from her life ect. Just my experience. My mom tried to do this to me I moved out and when I got married had my kid graduate from college I didnāt tell her or invite her ect.
Birth control you donāt need a night to get pregnant so make sure she is protected she is an adult
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She is 21 and an adult. You can have rules in your own home but in my mind she shouldnāt be āallowedā not to act as an adult. You can caution her but eventually she is going to do what she wants whether you say she can or not. She may see it as you donāt trust her to do the right thing. She is not a child anymore. I have a 19 year old daughter and I donāt tell her what to do outside clean up things she used or the bathroom they are responsible for. Have to allow her to learn from her mistakes some day before she resents you for not having life experiences or independence. Just my thoughts.
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You canāt be serious? She is 21 back off.
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- She IS an adult and should be able to make that decisionā¦ she felt comfortable enough to talk to you about it and ask your opinion but I donāt feel like she needs your PERMISSION. Nothing is going on under YOUR roof and if his parents are okay with her staying there, I dont see the problem. If you let her go or not, she will do what she wants. Maybe behind your back, maybe not.
Sheās an adult, let her make her own decisions. Especially since she pays for her own things. As long as youāve taught her about birth control/condoms, itās on her on what happens. 
Sheāll thank you a few years later.
Good job mamma!! I mean she asked you if she could spend the night, she couldāve easily liedā¦
That means youāre an exceptional mamma.
But no I wouldnāt allow it either.
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Out of respect and so Mom doesnāt worry, she should let her know she will not be coming home for the night and that is all. I would expect the same from Mom to her daughter if she were not coming home.
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I didnt even read it allā¦shes an adult 
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You canāt fight fate. Creatures at 16. Everything living survives for procreation plants and animals. Definitely 18. Human nature. As long as itās consensual and nice to one another.
My house my rules 
. Donāt like it move out
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We allowed my daughter to have her bf spend the night after we met him & got to know him. They got married and lived here until their tiny house was completed. I have no regrets about it.
Ummm shes 21ā¦. An adult it doesnāt matter if she still lives in your house sheās old enough to make her own choices. Sheāll never learn if you shelter her all her life. It sounds like your treating her like shes 16years old.
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I think they should go elsewhere. It is STILL your home! If they feel adult enough to do this. they are adult enough to live on their own. They should respect your feelings.
My mom wouldnt let me spend nights so I moved out and got pregnant anyways. Dont bother trying to prevent your adult child from doing what they want. Educate them and establish HEALTHY boundries instead. Shes not 16. You cant prevent her from having sex because she lives there rent free, shes still an adult.
I mean I understand sheās only been seeing him for a week but sheās also 21 Iām almost 22 and my man is 20 before moving in together we stayed a few nights with his parents. We live with them now an have been here for over a yearā¦ You might not be comfortable with it so that wonāt be allowed in your house but the other parents are fine with it after I was 18 I didnāt ask permission for anything I just went a did
Once she lives on her own she can do what she wants until then she lives by your rules
Get on the pill and rent a nice hotel. Common sense isnāt so common anymore.
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Your house your rules period. No further explanation is required.
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She asked other people for their opinion on your decisions/requirements are on her. Following those conversations, she feels that you should treat her as an adult. Read this next bit through to the end: You should absolutely treat her like an adult. The first order of business is to determine the value of the room that youāre providing to her, her share of utilities and such, add the total up and present her with a bill every month. Then, at the end of the year claim the income and deductions associated with renting out part of YOUR home to her. If she doesnāt want to follow your guidance, isnāt happy with paying the rent that you ask her to pay, or both - SHE CAN MOVE OUT ON HER OWN.
If the people she is going to for opinion on how you like things run IN YOUR HOME disagree with your opinion, THEY can give her free housing! And, she can learn from her own experiences. She ISNāT going to understand why you want to do things the way you do until she has her own child who is 21 and is trying to make sure that child has a better life than she did. Itās not worth your relationship with her to try to force her into doing things the right way, but itās not your obligation to do things the way people who arenāt her mother think you should.
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it is your house,your rules
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Sheās 21, you need to back off. Sheās gonna find a way to ādo what she wantsā regardless if you allow a sleepover or not.
My kids have their SO stay the night, my sons girlfriend lives with usā¦paying bills pr not once they are 18 it is really none of your business what they doā¦even living g in your houseā¦Iām going to assume helicopter parenting has happened here
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Lord get over your self , I was engaged and had a child by that age lol and yes married and still together, sheās an adult your lucky she still lives at home and respected you enough to ask lol
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Shes 21ā¦i got pregnant at 21 with my first. I lived with my boyfriends parents and then moved into our own home. She is an adult. Its hard to survive in this world we live in. I understand its your house but they are both adults. Im 25 now and been on my own since 17. Its been hard but we manage with 2 kids.
Not in my house till sheās married engaged or at least living together somewhere else lol
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She can get her own place and make her own rules at that time.
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I think if she starts paying rent you should let the boyfriend stay the night. If you feel strongly about this like you said, itās your house and your rules.
However she is an adult and will find a way to sleep with her boyfriend and Iām of the mindset Iād rather her be safe at home then God knows where
Sheās not a child so she really doesnāt need permission to go stay with her boyfriend at his parents house. I remember asking my mom for permission to do things when I was 20 and got told āyouāre an adult now. You donāt have to ask to go somewhere.ā
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You people who think you can control your adult aged children are crazy! As soon as I turned 18 I didnāt ask permission and ignored ācurfewsā. When I was told I need permission I moved out. Hope sheās able to do the same
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I was staying at my then bfās house at 21 he would stay at
My house with my family Iād stay at his with his family if my kids had partners at 21 Iād be more than happy for their partners to stay at my house with them
Omg, get over yourself. Sheās an adult.
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Um sheās 21. Sheās an adult. Itās her choice.
Wow. If youāre controlling then just say that.
Time for her to move out! then she wont have to ask permissions
Your houseā¦your rules!
I agree with you 100 percent. Plus itās your house and your rules. If she doesnāt like it, she is free to move out and do as she pleases. The fact that sheās asking mom if itās ok tells me she isnāt mature enough to make decisions for herself.
I turned 18 and moved in with my boyfriend of 2 months. A year later I got into a work accident and we moved into my moms house and slept in the same bed. We moved out a few months later. I got pregnant at 19 and had my daughter at 20 and my son at 21. My boyfriend, now husband, and I have been together for 26 years and my kids both have successful jobs and are happy and healthy. She will have sex with him whether they stay at his place or not. You canāt stop them from doing that. If his parents are fine with having her stay then what does it matter to you? At least you know shes somewhere safe and not out at some hotel or park or something like that. Shes almost 21. I understand having rules about general household duties and things like that but trying to control her life like that may backfire on you and she may cut contact or not be as open with you on her life decisions once she does move out. Oh and yes my daughter did have 2 of her boyfriends live with us while she lived with us after she turned 18. She is now 24 and never got pregnant.
You made bad choices as a teenager. So did I. I was a teenage mom too. It doesnāt mean our kids will make the same choices and even if they so we will still love them. We will still support them. Let her live life and make mistakes other wise she might end up resenting you and go wild. Some of us only learn from consequences. God gives us free will to make our own choices. He still forgives us. Sheās 21 and I do find this a little overbearing.
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Your house, your rules!!!
Shes an adult. Shes almost 21.
You lost me at adult daughter. Sheās an adult let her make her own choices.
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your house your rules
Are you afraid that she will bring home a baby and you will have to raise it? Did that happen to your mother?
Your daughter is almost 21 years old. 21- not a child. Iāve been with my husband since we were 16/17 years old and we didnāt have our first child until we were 31/32. Plus we slept over at each others houses growing up too until we moved into our house at 22/23. Sheās an adult. Let her live. Her wanting to spend the night over at a boyfriends house has nothing to do with college education- I donāt understand the point of that statement or that she is a waitress!?!
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Sheās not a baby no more let her go
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sheās 21 sheās an adult
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Sheās 21. She doesnāt have to ask your permission for a single thing unless it was something happening UNDER YOUR ROOF.
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My house my rules had to add this to my I agree post
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Sheās almost 21, you can make the rule of not at your house which is your right but she is an adult. You canāt really stop an adult sleeping over someone elseās house
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18 they are legal adults
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Wow firstly she is 21 she can sleep where ever and with whoever she likesā¦ secondly, "shes not ready for a child because she is a waitress with no degreesā¦ mate im a waiter have been for 15 yrs own a house and have 2 baby girls sorry thay comment is a little offensive to me. Just my opinion 
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I called my mom to say Iād be staying the night at my BFs, as I didnāt want to drive late at night. Nothing went on, but she didnāt believe me. She said if I didnāt like her rules that I could move out. I paid rent and bought my own food while living at home. I found a place to rent that very day and moved out.
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I agree if I were 21 and living at home still I would respect my parents but at the same time I donāt think you should stop her from making decisions. Sheās a grown adult.
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My boyfriend was staying the night at 16ā¦ now Iām not saying thatās right. But sheās 21ā¦ sheās going to do it, even if she has to go behind your back. I guess the question is would you rather her come to you with problems etc, or would you rather her lie to your face. 
sorry I think itās a little crazy of you. Sheās grown. Sheās responsible ( it sounds like.) at least sheās asking your permission and not going home with guys from the bar like most 21 year oldsā¦
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Youāre lucky she even had the courtesy to ask you. Sheās 21. Sheās an adult. Wether you charge her rent or not is besides the point. Let her live her life. Itās gonna be okay. I know itās hard. But we have to let them try out life & make mistakes on her own. Like you said. Sheās not a teenager. Your parents probably didnāt think you were capable of having a child as a teenager. But you did it! Have faith hun. I was a teenage mama also. One day at a time hun. It will be okay. 
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i agree your house your rules.
no mader how old she is
I stopped being strict when my daughterās were 16. It gave them freedom to make their own mistake with the knowledge that mom would be there and they wouldnāt follow them through their whole life like they would if they suddenly got this freedom at 18. I had rules, but they were simple. Use protection. Donāt drink and drive or ride with anyone who is. If youāre in trouble call me. Even if I get mad, Iāll get over it and I can help you fix it. I now have 2 mature responsible girls who did their dumb shit early and make generally good decisions.
Wow your literally giving me a headache. Your daughter is a legal adult. Unless itās being done at your house, she can do what she wants
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I donāt get these comments saying āmums house, mums rulesā sure if they were staying there then fine. However she wants to stay at her boyfriends house. Sheās 21 years old, not a child & this literally sounds like āI give you a place to live so obey meā
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She becomes an adult when she can support herself, food, shelter, clothing, transportation and the ability to deduce right from wrong without asking Mama. AND, how not to get pregnant. U til than, she or he are children.
Your rules under your roof. BUT sheās an adult so back tf off. 
you have NO say in what she does outside of your house. Stop assuming sheās going to make the same mistakes as you.
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Age has nothing to do with it. Respect for parents,and self. This is to soon to ask to stay at boyfriend house.
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I had to move out in order to have sleepovers even when I moved back I couldnāt have any unless I was sleeping over at his place
Sheās an adult. Yes, she lives with you. She should be respectful of your space. She shouldnāt need your permission to go out or stay the night at someoneās house. Be thankful sheās having the conversation with you and letting you in her life.
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I would feel the sameā¦I think itās a matter of self respect, first, then respect for HIS parentās house. What type of message is she sending about herself and her upbringing. And a week is too soon, as far as I am concerned.
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sheās an adult she can do as she pleases
Sheās an adult, and she isnāt having him at your house; so I think itās really your daughters decision. If she was asking for him to stay the night at your house, then thatās your call.
The age sheer smart enough to think for her self well over 18
You shouldnāt have a say at all, whether sheās living with you or not. Sheās an adult and can make her own decisions and you should not be making them for her.
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You sound controlling and I hope sheās saving to move out tbh
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Not as long as you live under my roof. Raised 4 daughters. Same rules for all. I was raised with the same rules. I am old school. You live in your own house you can do as you please.
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nah, this has to be fake news.
āI was a teenage mum and I dont want her going down the same pathā sheās not a teenager, sheās an adult. Youāre lucky she can come to you and ask. If youāre not careful, sheāll just do things behind your back
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You can say no but she can do as she pleasesā¦
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You donāt allow her. Sheās an adult who can do what she wants. Hell, I was mother of a one year old at 21. 
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Maybe it will be a good motivation to get her own apartment and an educationā¦
Iām sorry you are all saying she is an adult and can do what she wants, well then she should get her own place and pay her own bills then she can worry about sleeping with her boyfriend 
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I agree,but i would ask her if she taking the pill for safety concerned. I would also tell her how ya feel as adult woman now she should understand about these situation that come up with partners in relationshipsā¦ good luck !
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Maāamā¦ sheās a fucken ADULT not a teen. Let her liveā¦ lol
Id let my girl whoās 21 you have to let them live their own life my 25 year old did this too old enough in my eyes
I agree mom stick to your values
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Sure you can control whatās going on in YOUR house while she is there but not what sheās doing outside your home. What kind of controlling crap is that? Your 21 year old has to ask to go out and spend the night somewhere? Iād stop telling you anything at all. I hope sheās planning on moving out. If she wants to give it up night 1, 3, 30, 60, whatever thatās not your business.
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Iād say yes. If you say no sheās going to fight it and lie to you. If it was my daughter I would want her to tell me
I would explain the consequences of what ever decision she makes. She is going to do what ever she wants anyway.
Lmao she is a adult.