At what point should you cut off your kids grandparents?

At what point do you decide to cut off grandparents who choose to not be involved with your children? They live 20 minutes away one of them works in the same town we live in, but chooses to never stop by. They only comment on Facebook posts. They never want to spend time with them on the weekends or in the evening. The couple of times we’ve gotten to watch them over the last several years, they’re calling us after an hour or two asking when we’re going to be back. Their grandma was out of work for a few months and chose to not spend a single day with her grandkids or stop by to visit or even call to talk to them. Our last attempt at asking them for help was us asking if they could watch them for about two hours on Sunday evenings for about 8 weeks while we have a small group at church and they sighed and said “can’t you find someone at church to do it?” Unfortunately, these are the only grandparents my children have so I’m very torn.


Grandparents are not obligated to babysit for you, of course it’s nice if they do but those are not their kids. Unfortunatelyit does not seem like they’re meeting your expectations for how you would like them to be as grandparents and I get it because it feels like your kids are missing out but your expectations are not their responsibility.


Im 39 & got my tubes tied in 2007, i had 3 kids in 3 years & when i was 21 i got them tied cause i nvr wanted to be pregnant or have kids again. My daughter who is about to be 19 just had a bby, she lives with me, the dads a pos & has not done 1 thing, literally, & i snapped tf out when she told me she was pregnant. I will not babysit or anything for her. She lives with me so i have to listen to a bby cry everyday & that was something i nvr wanted to deal with again. But also, im the 1 who has taken her to every single appt when she was pregnant, ive taken her n her bby to all her baby dr appts, i take her to the stores & to handle her business & i have 2 other kids of my own. Im exhausted just living with a bby & hearing her cry. Im overstimulated all the time & i need a fkn break. My mom nvr sees my kids but she sees my other sisters kids everyday & idc not one bit. I prefer it because she talks too much n is loud & i am very quiet & i get overstimulated wayyy too fast these days & it makes me mean. I told my daughter “ you’re grown enough to have a bby you bttr be grown enough to figure shit out cause im def not.”! I want a break from kids. Ive been babysitting since i was 10 years old. Raising ppls kids who didn’t come home at night. Thank goodness i was super mature for my age. Let their grandparents live their life. They raised their kids & now its time for them to enjoy their older years in peace.

I’m a very involved grandparent. I watch my grandkids all the time and we always plan family outings. That being said it is ALOT on older folks and can be very exhausting and not everyone is up to that or even wants to be. Why be so dramatic and cut someone off…just let them live their lives as they see fit. Seems you are. Being a grandparent doesn’t mean you’re suppose to be a built in babysitter or be at someone’s beck and call and it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t care or love someone if you aren’t. I would like to hear the grandparents side of this story.


Well, They are just not very involved grandparents, it doesn’t mean they dont care or they are toxic… Cutting them off because you don’t think it’s enough isn’t fair.


Sounds like u won’t have to do anything to “cut them off”. They are doing a fine job doing it themselves


Do you ask them to see the kids with you? Or just to babysit ?

Maybe go over with the kids for an hour or two and hang out instead of just needing a sitter


Some people just aren’t built to be grandparents. They raised their kids and now they enjoy their own free time. It hurts, I can relate. I’ve just accepted that fact and I let them come when they want to see them if at all, but I don’t push the relationship because I don’t want my kids hurting. Let the kids enjoy them in the few moments they are given with them and let it be. Find a trustworthy, reliable babysitter so it takes away the need to ask the grandparents for help. I know not everyone will agree, so please don’t come at me. Lol. I aim to be an awesome grandparent if I’m given the opportunity one day.


I’m a very hands on grandma. I watched her while my DIL finished school and I continued to watch her until she went into a 3-K program this school year. I do not keep her overnight, but I do take her to Disney several times per year.
Some grandparents are just enjoying being empty nesters with no responsibilities. That doesn’t mean that they don’t love your children, they may just not be hands on kind of grandparents. If they’re not toxic people, then I would not shut them out of the kids lives


Are you cutting them off because they aren’t doing what you want them to do? Perhaps they aren’t comfortable with the relationship you want to create for them. My parents weren’t warm and fuzzy but we recognized them for who they were and didn’t set expectations beyond what they were able to give.


Do you take the kids to visit their grandparents? Do you hangout as family? or do you just want them to babysit? Do you or your spouse have a decent relationship with your mom/dad. Does grandparents get to see their own children (you/spouse) on a regular basis? There might be more to this? I feel like cutting them off is a little on the dramatic side since they didn’t do anything to harm your children. I would start inviting grandparents over to hangout as a group.


Eh, it kind of depends. My kiddos have grandparents on both sides, but they rarely babysit, but visit often. Do they just not want to babysit? Or are they not wanting to see the kiddos at all? I’d kind of figure that out before cutting ties. Because if they just don’t want to babysit but want to be a part of the kids lives, that’s not an issue. They just may not have the drive or energy to watch little kids, because to be fair, they’re exhausting. Wonderful, but have tons of energy. Before cutting the line, figure that out first.


-Never “cut them off”
-You make it a point to visit them at least once or twice a week
-They are not babysitters they are grandparents
-You and your children are fortunate to still have them around
-When your children have games, recital, programs always invite them. If they come good if not you did your part
-Dont speak negatively about them in front of your children
-make sure they know them
-one day they will be gone and you will wish you did things differently…
-Im sure there are other factors that you aren’t mentioning… Like your parents or other parents’ parents… Separations etc…their age… Health… Many factors to consider
-remember everyone is raised differently… Some families wre close others are not… If you want a close family for your children you have to make it happen. Dont depend on others actions.


That is unfathomable to me as a grandmother. But , clearly they have made their decision. I don’t think I’d cut them out of your lives , though . I think a lot of grandparents feel like they managed with their kids and it’s your time to take care of yours . Again , I cannot relate . I keep my grandchild two days a week and ANY other chance they let me ! I am
Incredibly sorry


Best piece of encouragement I can offer is. Family doesn’t have to be blood. It’s the time they(want) to spend with the children. Open up your options. So many people want to share their love.


Seems extreme to cut them off because they don’t want to babysit. You didn’t mention ages of the kids. I’ve got three grandsons they are 3, 6 and 8. Those three are ALOT on a good day when they start acting like three little brats it’s extremely difficult. That being said that road goes both ways why aren’t you visiting them and not just to drop your kids off for them to babysit?


It seems all you want them for is to use them as babysitters so it’s no wonder they are the way they are. Sounds like they’re trying to cut you off because you try to take advantage and don’t seem to appreciate them. In this situation I don’t think the grandparents are the problem, you are.


Sounds like your expectations were built in babysitters for your kids. Just sayin- not all grandparents want to or have the ability to take care of children - some do some don’t and both are perfectly fine.


I love my grandkids I take them all the time even break my plans to be with them . BUT what you forget is we’re not here to baby sit them we as parents had to find babysitters to watch our kids . We raised our kids now if we choose to take our grandkids that’s our choice . We are finally living out our lives to what we want .


Why do you expect them to be your on hand babysitters? Just because some people want to be that kind of grandparent doesn’t mean everyone does. Why does that mean you automatically cut them off? Just because they aren’t doing what you think they should. Doesn’t sound like they are being bad to the kids so why teach your kids that if someone isn’t doing as you want then you cut them off. You talk about going to church so ask yourself, what would Jesus do? I’m not a religious person but since you are, isn’t that what you should be doing?


Find other Babysitters……it is obvious they really don’t want to babysit. I would just move on with my life and if and when they want to visit,fine. I have 4 grandchildren who live 2.5 hours away and we rarely see them….we do go whenever they ask us to. Both sets live in the same town as,their other grandparents so they see them at church and they babysit….i would love to but it is to far. Enjoy your kids, they may have regrets (or not) someday!


It’s their loss but some experts have said grandparents who are NOT involved with grandkids never wanted to be parents in the first place. It doesn’t mean there isn’t love for them they just prefer being long distance. But love your children as best you can because when they get older they will remember who was there for them growing up.


I think the fact that you seem to expect them to provide you with childcare is the first issue that needs addressed. Secondly, if they’re so close, why can’t you make an effort to go see them? If there was abuse or something going on I would say cut ties, but this seems like you expect them to do 100% of the upkeep for the relationship and are angry that they don’t pull the weight.


You mention that they don’t stop in. Do you visit them other than dropping the kids off to babysit or invite them over for dinner ? Do they come to Birthdays or Holidays ? Do you go there for Holidays ? Maybe your kids could call them instead of waiting for them to call. The street goes both ways.


I would definitely stop trying. If they want to, they will. It doesn’t mean they have to watch your kids to be involved grandparents. Both sets of my kids grandparents will spend time with us as a whole family. They make every effort to see and talk to the kids whenever possible. Sometimes we are all busy and they don’t see each other for awhile, but they will call us as the parents regularly and ask how the kids are doing or FaceTime with the kids.


To me, it sounds like u want to cut contact cuz they won’t babysit. Which is not a reason. Yes, they could reach out to you guys but its always been my belief that its the parents job to keep family relationships growing with their kids. Family doesn’t equal automatic babysitter. My mil rarely watches the kids. I mean , rarely. She will have them over for a night once every few months but only after they were potty trained. A little annoying? Absolutely. But i cant expect her to be a automatic babysitter just cuz shes my husbands mom. My mom never ever watches my kids. But, for my kids sake, i wont cut them off. A good rule to live by when thinking about cutting contact with family and ur kids is this " is being in contact with them hurting my kids in anyway" cuz thats the ONLY thing that matters. If ur upset cuz they dont babysit or dont call, thats more of a ‘you’ issue. You want ur kids to have as much love and support from family as possible. U want them to have as much family as possible. Their happiness and well-being is #1.


If theyre as uninvolved as you put it then what is there to cut off?

Are you asking them to do more than just babysit? Asking them to dinner, the zoo, or another place with all of you–maybe they are not cut out for watching them or don’t WANT to? If you keep making attempts and they keep saying no—then I would stop asking and let it happen naturally not some event of “cutting them out”–just stop your effort!

Is the relationship toxic? Are they cruel or unkind to you or your children? Some people are very involved and close in their relationships and some people are not. I would say let it be and enjoy the time they are around.


Could it possibly be the grandparents don’t feel welcome to visit ?? Always two stories on each side. Never shut family out of your lives…

Society and what’s ‘expected’ is confusing…for example People will b***h and complain if someone shows up out of the blue without permission…then complain that no one makes enough of an effort when they wait to be invited.

I’m not saying that is what you’re doing but anyone with any type of social media has likely seen the posts.

So with those types of complexities in mine I would say there’s not enough information.

  1. Aside from asking them to babysit…what interactions do you have with them? Do you invite them over or ask to go over there just to spend time with them? Or…do you only contact them when you want them to babysit?
    I wouldnt be happy if someone only talked to me because they wanted me to babysit.

  2. what kinds of rules and stipulations have you set for watching and interacting? You’re the parent and you make the rules but sometimes…some parents set so many stipulations that it’s impossible to not mess up. It’s almost like they specifically set a trap.
    I’d avoid it.


Do you ever visit or do you just call when you need them to watch the kids? My Mom gets visits more than she babysits.

My kids have a grandmother like this. I just stopped putting in the effort. I figured if she wanted to be involved, she’d make effort. Just like her son, it’s been years :woman_shrugging:t5:


If you are having Church meeting s, surely they don’t expect you to send you children away?

If you want to cut the grandparents off, I don’t understand because you say they not interested so what are you going to cut off🤔

Something does not add up🤔

You sound like your mainly mad cause they won’t babysit for you. That may not be the case but if that’s the impression people get on the Internet then maybe that’s the impression you’re giving them as well :woman_shrugging:


Back in the day,everyone used to go to grandma’s for Sunday dinner and not all but most holiday’s. Grandparents are what keep the family together. Until they are elderly or have health problems and can’t. Then someone else in the family takes over or takes turns. I’m 74 and love every second with all the family not only the kids. I have health problems as well. I still want every chance I can have with them. Precious memories of Grandparents is what I’d like to leave behind. Invite them over for birthday parties dinner or cookouts. Do your part. If they don’t ever want to come then that’s on them. I will still try to be the best grandma Until I die.


Any toxic relationship needs to be cut off period…family or not in my opinion but if my kids want to see their grandparents I’m definitely not saying no I just won’t be reaching out to them until my kids ask


It doesn’t sound like you need to cut them off - it sounds like they’ve cut themselves off.


There’s no reason to cut them off. Sounds like they don’t want to be a big part of your lives. Just accept the way they are and don’t depend on them for anything.


I’m a over thinker so by all means so I have questions to go with answers …
How old is the kids ?
How old are the grandparents ?
You failed to mention why grandmother was out of work a few months ?
Was she out sick ? Laid off ? It matters .
All this matters .
All we’ve heard is when we try to get them to help …
Wheres the try to take them to dinner …
We ask them to come over to dinner …
We asked them to come to the kids birthday party & they refused .
I love my grandkids with out a doubt & I do help out when I can BUT I am also wearing my self out in the process …
We are old …
We are tired
We are still working full time …
We are still doing our house work …
We are still doing our yard work …
We are still having to do things around the house that have to be took care of …
We get wore out .
It doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids or our grandkids…
I always say we have kids when we are young for a reason .
Maybe they feel like if the only time you call them or want to see them it’s because you want on need something from them not because you want to see them or check on them ior tell them about it’s kids day or what they have done it’s only to baby sit …
The only way they find out anything about them is on social media :person_shrugging:


I wouldn’t cut them off. As others have said I would invite them over or go over to see them. It seems that they naturally are not involved. I would leave the door open just not expect much. If they aren’t receptive to getting together then you know they’re not interested but I would still keep the door open.

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I myself am a grandparent to four lil boys, I can’t understand why they won’t at least visit ,if I were you I’d just come straight out and ask why they don’t, my grandbabies are all under 8 I’m not in good enough health to watch them by myself because they are very hyper and some are out of control so that’s out for me unless my husband is home from work and can help and it’s still hard , so I’m wondering how are ur kids , are they calm and listen and mind or hyper and don’t mind or listen, it could be that physically they aren’t able to watch or keep them because of their age or health

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It seems this generation of kids their grandparents are either raising them or not making any effort to be in their life they have their own agenda, my favorite childhood memories are at my grandparents house whether it be a holiday or an occasional sleepover it’s pretty scarce these days for my children to have either of those sad but true.


After my parents died, my exes family never made an effort to see my children. They only saw them when my ex brought them over there. They would come right down the street from where we live to visit someone and never never saw them. It’s just the way
They were my kids grew up without them now my grandchildren have a grandmother that loves him with all her heart, and I am very blessed to have them in my life

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Stop worrying about it, young one. You can’t force love or time. Unfortunately for your children, because they won’t be around very long ( I don’t mean that in a bad way - only it’s the circle of life) and what little time - will result in little memories. You might want to tell talk to them - it might help. Communication is often lost in families, today. :v:t4::sunflower:


The grandparents are not wrong. They raised their kids and from what you’re saying, they’re still working. They’re probably tired on their days off and are preparing for the next work week.
I’m retired now and keep grandkids every weekend…but, when I was still working…keeping them was hard.
Also, it sounds like you want them to grandparent on your terms.


Not all grandparents are made the same!!

I have my two grandkids regularly I don’t understand how anyone couldn’t …: they are an extension of your own kids I had a friend that has 9 grandkids and she only really acknowledged three of them … so wrong they are all the kids of your kids they should all be treated the same


I wouldn’t cut them off completely because you never know what the future holds but I’d just ignore them. Grandparents who choose, with their own actions, not to be involved usually end up paying the price later in life anyway. They have an entire family who doesn’t care to know them because they haven’t been around.

Is that the only time you try ? When you want something?

My situation is opposite. I want to see and visit grandchildren but everything I’d try, they were busy, weren’t going to be home etc. This was when they lived about 2 miles away, and even now at 20 miles or more, I’m willing to do the driving but still no luck. I tried for well over a month to get Christmas gifts to them and never could meet up. I quit trying too heartbreaking.

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I wouldn’t cut them out just not depend on them to be involve. Some just enjoy their freedom from kids. I’m too involve it seems. Mine never want to go home.

I wouldn’t cut them off. I know my parents are older and my father feels like his children should come visit him and bring his grandchildren. I don’t agree. I’m busy have kids, running around, sports etc. I feel like he’s retired. He should come whenever he wants. He maybe comes once a month for about an hour if that and that’s his choice. Doesn’t mean I cut him off. Just means I appreciate him while he’s here. 
Also, kids are exhausting. I’ll tell you now that I am 43 and it’s tiring having little ones compared to when I was 30. I can only imagine if I was 60 or 70.
Be thankful for your family you created.

If they aren’t showing any interest to know your children please don’t go out if your way to include them. I’m a generational game changer Grandma. None of my grandparents were around. I’m giving my kids the Grandma they never got and being the Grandma I never got too. Some people just weren’t raised that way. It’s ignorance and intolerable to me and my family. Please don’t lose sleep over this. In the end they are missing out on your great kids.

Don’t beg anyone to spend time with you or your children! Those who want to be involved will be eager. Invite grandparents and if they show up, great. Otherwise, their loss. Keep being you and living your life.

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You are looking for free babysitter. They don’t want to do it, they all ready do their jobs as a parent. A Grandparents is not for you to have free time.

So don’t wait for them to step up and babysit, that’s you and your partner jobs.

If you want to cut contact with them then you are the problem.

It’s their time to bond as a couple not to babysit

I miss my grandsons so much . I want to take them to the park, school functions, or just hanging out at GiGi’s house. But she cut me off when their relationship didn’t work. It’s not fair to the boys either, they have a whole family that loves them😪

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My children have no grandparents on either side! I’d give anything for them to have. Personally I would not ask them to baby sit. As they’re kids r grown. But I’d call n ask them to come over n visit n maybe make a dinner for everyone. If they decline that’s on them. Are they your parents or your husband’s?
If urs have a heart to heart talk with them let them know how u feel. If hubby’s have him to talk to them.

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My son’s only living grandfather has seen him 3 times (he’s 13). For the first 5 years we lived not only in the same town but less than 5 min from him. We tried to have him involved even after we moved my husband would send pictures via text and his father told him to stop sending because he had to pay for picture texts. Honestly he doesn’t know who he is, what he looks like or anything about him. We are honest with our son that it is his grandfathers choice to not be involved in his(our) lives and it has nothing to do with him our us but more his grandfather’s lack of care, love and involvement. You don’t have to cut them out just stop trying and they’ll cut themselves out. If they cared they’d make an effort even if it’s just calling and/or inviting to a meal.

Times are different, I certainly love all my grandkids but my husband and I both work full-time so are tired at the end of the day and would like the weekend to rejuvenate. We would love to go with them and their families on outings such as the beach, park etc

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If them not being “active” is the only concern and it’s not a safety issue or toxicness (I’d think not since you want them to babysit) I say leave it alone. When your kids are older they will notice on their own and it will be their choice to no them or not. You can’t force a relationship and sadly if they don’t want to more time with the children they don’t have to have it but it’s not a reason to go no contact.

I’d give them the opportunity to come over for dinner to spend family time and see what happens. They may feel like every time they talk to you you’re needing a babysitter. I watch my 2 yr old grandson and see him every chance I get, I’ve kept him over night a few times. I also have 6/7 yr old girls at home so it can be overwhelming at times especially when my girls get jealous and rowdy with him or I’m just exhausted. Either way I wouldn’t cut them off just don’t reach out as much.

Sounds like they’ve pretty much cut themselves off. I actually have a similar circumstance with my kids grandparents on both sides(2 grandmas and 4 grandpas.) And all but one of them is retired and they all live w in 20mins.
I know it hurts but I don’t cut them off(anymore than they already choose to be) or do anything for that matter. It’s their loss and I sure as hell am not going to beg anyone. My kids know no better. It really just hurts and disappoints me for my kids to not have the family relationships I had envisioned.
The other side of that is, I don’t go out of my way much for them either. Relationships are a 2 way street. I accept people for who they show me they are and live my life accordingly. It still hurts, but you can’t change people. ((Hugs))

Dont stop dont cut off. Take your kids to them. Dont wait for them to come to you. Life is too short for a bitter war. Its their choice to not come over. So you be the better person and visit them. Maybe there is some hidden misunderstanding. Maybe discuss your concerns with them over a hot cuppa and scones :slight_smile:

Sounds like they have already cut themselves off from your children. You can’t force someone to be who they aren’t. Find a replacement through Foster Grandparents! People who actually love children and have something to offer them.

I wouldn’t close those doors. You never know what’s in someone’s heart and the heart can change. There is a season for all things . Because the flesh cannot see or understand does not mean that God doesn’t have a plan. It’s obviously not in your timing.

To me just not spending enough time with the grandkids does not mean cut them off. That doesn’t seem toxic to me. Just because they don’t want to babysit does not mean toxic to me. Or that they don’t visit enough. Toxic or cut off to me would be more extreme than that. Rude behavior. Pushing boundaries, ect. I would say maybe stop making the effort yourself if they are not responding to it. But to say you don’t visit enough, so you are now cut off… Extreme. It is a bummer, but if they don’t want to babysit, they should not have to.

Unless they are abusive in any way, why would you ever cut the grandparents out of your kids lives? That sounds narcissistic to me. They aren’t doing anything wrong. They don’t have to babysit for you. I never asked my kids grandparents to babysit. I asked my aunt a couple times because she was one of very few people I trusted with my kids. Then I found out through someone else that she had said I was taking advantage of her, because she didn’t know how to say no. Nobody watched my kids after that except a vetted, paid professional. Still, I didn’t cut her out of my kids lives. Why would you? Keep extending invitations. Let her comment, like on Facebook. And let it go. STOP asking to babysit.

Your parents are not your babysitters. I’m sorry but it just seems like your angry that they won’t take them? Maybe the weekends they want to relax. You had kids take them around to say hello :wave: my daughter has never stayed with any of her grandparents for any amount of time and she’s 9? My mum still calls and talks and she will visit when she’s down but at the end of the day my mum is a nurse… she works she’s already raised 5 kids my daughter is my child I had her it’s not my parents responsibility to help or look after her (I mean she would if I asked but I don’t ask all the time) I don’t know what you want or why you need anyone to watch them when it’s a church group if anything everyone should be fine with them being there. Rethink your priorities the grandparents would probably want more to do with you and your children if they didn’t feel like your baby sitters or you didn’t ask them for shit everytime you see or talk to them

They are grandparents not babysitters. If you want babysitters hire them to watch your kids. If you want the grandparents to spend time with you and your kids, invite them on an outing with your family. They have their own lives to lead too. They already raised their kids.

I’m a very involved grandparent as well. But it is not our job to raise our grandchildren or to babysit that’s your responsibility as a parent! Why cut them out of their life why don’t you just go there and visit with them? It takes two you know

If they are Elderly and still working they are probably tired! They are Grandparents not Babysitters. I’m a Grandmother and I’m very proud to be involved! I go to Baseball and School functions and other Occasions like Birthday parties and Holiday events. I’m Invited!

the parents dont know what they are missing. my oldest grandson was killed in 2021 by dui driver. the other 8 i dont even know even thought they live hour away and i doubt if they know who i am way my sons are. Would love to get to know them all. My first Grandson was my love of my life and reason for living now i have no reason to even be here or to go on. just existing thru life til time Jesus calls me home.

I could have written this. My in laws only want to be Facebook grandparents. My own mom who lives six hours away has spent more time with them than they have.

My in-laws live 5 minutes away. Has made zero effort to see my youngest, who is their oldest grandchild. My partner went to visit his Mom and was told that our child needs to make time to spend time with Grandma. When I heard that I laughed so hard. It’s been years. She maybe has seen the kiddo 10 times in 18 years.

I would have ghosted them a long ass time ago obviously they dont want to put the effort so why force it when obviously they probably wont have very much fun over at the grandparents house seeing they didnt want them in the first place. People like that id try to avoid at all costs bc obviously the lack of effort

My husbands parents were like this. Every time we asked for them to babysit it was a huge hassle yet they would babysit his sisters kids of the same age. My daughter was well behaved too. It got the point that they would literally drive past our house when my kids were out front and wouldn’t even stop to say hello to them… we cut ties after many efforts.

Teach your kids it’s those that choose to love you that matter.
My kid is the only grandchild, my parents live 1 mile away and my brother 1/2 mile.
They are far too busy to be bothered. Put in a good “show”
Last night after her school concert, I said we were going to a local pizza place and my brother would get a table give him a headcount.
I then called when they didn’t show up and they were at another restaurant in town. So frustrating since they failed to ask us to join them yet we always include them…
9 years, of it, my kids smart, she’s figuring it out on her own now about people.

I’ve always been a very involved grandmother. I love my two great grand children with all my heart. Grandson and wife have accused me of doing something I didn’t. I have no way to prove it, yes I’ve tried. Now I cannot visit them at their house and I am not allowed to see my grandbabies. My heart is totally broken.

If this is a case of not wanting to babysit, that’s not a grandparents responsibility. If this is a case of them never making an effort to even have contact whether FaceTime, a phone call, birthday cards, or just dropping by for a short visit, they’ve made their choice. You going no contact is just giving back what they’ve dished out.
As someone with very involved grandparents that I saw every summer and winter break, I can’t imagine having grandparents that never visit.

I don’t think this is a cut of situation. It sucks not having them be active. I know mine lived less than 15 minutes away and didn’t make an effort. Cut to me is really about nasty acts. I mostly cut out my mil because of her involvement in trash talking our house rules with skid and bio mom. My husband was very distant with her, but did not completely cut her out. Her active involvement in that despite no problems with house rules per the kids therapist, just biomom not following through with recommended rules is what made me cut her off mostly. The only time I grinned and tolerated her is the occasional times she actually made it to our 2 kids birthdays. Few and far between.
My kids see my parents very regularly (multiple times a week mostly), but their health is declining. I don’t ask them to watch my kids much. Usually only for a few hours if I do.

I have my granddaughter 6 days a week. Between my daughter’s work schedule and having her every weekend. I couldn’t imagine not being involved in her life. I’d personally stop asking and trying.

As a gma I can’t see enough of them. It’s harder as they go to school, sports, etc. I suck it all on while I can.

They rarely see the grand kids… they’re already cut off it seems :person_shrugging:t3:
You cutting them off guarantees there won’t be a relationship…. Please don’t do it

They already cut them off dont ask and when they ask say u r doing something eventually it will b ok. Your kids can’t miss something they don’t have

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You don’t need to cut them off - just be pleasant when needed

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They may not be perfect but they are family. Family is supposed to be a strong bond. A little grandparent is better than none

So sorry to hear this! My first grandchild lives 15 miles away and I haven’t seen her her in 11 yrs! We were close until my son went to prison. I pd his child support from his 401 (550.00) a month till it ran out. After that my ex daughter in law has turned my granddaughter against us all. Cousins and aunts! She graduated last yr and I have prayed everyday that she will open her heart to us! I couldn’t imagine any grandparent not wanting to spend time with them! They are losing so much of your children’s lives! Hopefully they will wake up!

I cut my mom off years ago when my daughter was 2 she is now 10. She wasn’t involved in anything with her even said when told I was pregnant that’s not her grandchild then one day decided she wanted to get involved that lasted a month if that then my sibling had a bad accident and boom we were dirt again so I said that’s it so it’s been pretty peaceful in my bubble. My daughter has other grandparents that love her so we just deal with them.

So I had to go no contact with my parents because they were very abusive towards me and they started to feel comfortable treating my partner the same way. My in laws are divorced now but before that they seen my 1st every weekend for Sunday dinner. Now fil is literally nonexistent in my kids lives (he’s seen my 17 month old daughter 3 times) he lives about 25 minutes away. My mil lives about 15 minutes away and sees my kids maybe once a month for an hour for dinner. Its to the point my 5 year old son only calls them by first name😕 Its so disheartening when they put effort into every other relationship they have but just not with their grandkids. Its so annoying when she makes comments about how my youngest doesn’t go to her/like her and all I can think of is “Well maybe if you were around more then she would know you and be comfortable” on top of her being told multiple times to not kiss my children and she still does it… My mil has a boyfriend who is now trying to get her to move to Florida and she says “Oh y’all can visit” like girl if you move to florida you are effectively cutting all ties to us because I’m not taking a vacation to be around YOU

Idk that I would cut them off. I would just not depend on them for baby sitting.

Unless they have severe medical issues or aren’t getting enough sleep due to work, it’s inexcusable. Sorry, but you have roles in life. Lots of angry grandma’s on here looking for an excuse not to play out their role, saying “they’re your kids” well guess what? So are your adult children. Grown or not, still your kids. If you think you only signed up for 18 years, you’re what’s wrong with society. Truth hurts. So when your kid has a kid, part of your role becomes to help with that. No one is saying raise your grandchildren. For God’s sake she’s just asking for the minimum here. Not even trying to check in is pathetic. If you’re being asked for more than you can handle, it’s also your responsibility to communicate that and find a solution, not ask them to be mind readers. Boohoo if your feelings are hurt that they only ask for you to babysit, probably because it’s last resort because there is no effort on the grandparent’s part to see them otherwise. You think you’re tired??? Saying things like “you gotta work harder as an older person now” what do you think parents have to do? There is NO reprieve for parents…good ones at least. Then the comments saying “well some kids are just too hyper” yeah because screens are taking the place of their grandparents teaching life lessons. The very very least you could do is check in. It’s a parent’s responsibility to build a relationship with their child, no matter how old. The “two way street” thing is a cop out. Grow up. Your children and grandchildren deserve better.

Seems that they have already cut you and the kids off already. Move on…

Don’t, maybe it’s just too much. I’m sorry though, I imagine it hurts. Maybe they aren’t confident in watching them.

In my experience hand then the scissors! Don’t force a relationship. They clearly don’t one.

I wouldn’t contact them just to babysit but I wouldn’t cut them off. You could visit them and ask how they’re doing as well. Maybe they feel used? Idk the whole story.

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Have you tried to go there for visits, not babysitting, your family go to their house to visit. Maybe take a pizza for dinner. If you find after trying everything you can think of, then you gotta let it fall on them.

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Sorry to hear this , it is their loss, Grandkids are the greatest gift, just had friends move back to be closer to their grandchildren, we go to our kids basketball games, gymnastics meets, karate, we go on trips together, celebrate birthdays together. Many people would love to have grandkids , what a shame that these two people choose not to be involved.

It may be because you only want them to babysit. You never mentioned just inviting them for a visit


As a grandparent, I couldn’t even begin to imagine my grandchildren not in my life. They live 40mins away, but I still get him 1 wknd a month. I go get him from his school 40 mins away & we make a WHOLE wknd of fun activities. I’ve seen 3 of his wee ball games even tho I get up at 3:30 am to get ready for work. I’m 49y/o & I push thru for that lil fella. I wouldn’t miss ANY time with him for the world!! I’d definitely cut them off. They’re dead weight anyway that effects your mental health. Chalk it up for what they are. So sorry. :broken_heart: