Can I save my relationship?

am 37 with 5kids, 4kids are to my ex an my youngest baby is to my now current partner. Nearly 3years ago we started hookin up during that time he was a cunt to me at times i.e he would txt to say he's coming over and not show up, he'd stop all communication at a certain of night, I'd only ever see him on his terms then i got pregnant to him and the behaviour was still the same until i had baby & said that he needed to decide if he wanted a relationship. We started dating but i couldn't let go of the lies/hurt an he finally admitted when we hooked up he was hookin up with other chicks to (which is fine but he never was honest with me about it). We've now been together 1year3months but its been so rocky, we bicker, we argue, he's still been lying to me about certain things, 2months ago some guy got in contact with me saying his gf and my bf are hookin up (so essentially cheating on me) he told me certain things so i confronted my bf and it turns out she's an old fwb on/off over 4years an apparently she's in love with him but he swears he's never cheated on me, then 3weeks ago he lied to me about staying with his son and i had this feeling so i checked up an saw my bf get dropped off home by another chick, he told me he went to his work colleagues birthday party and slept on her couch & lied because of how things are currently with us & he just wanted a night to chill, the thing is i now am not sure i can or will ever trust him, i think he did cheat on me at some point but wont ever admit it but thats just how i feel!! Please dont get me wrong he is a good man he helps me cook dinners, helps with the kids, financially helps me and when things are good he absolutely can make me happy but I'm not sure i can or will ever trust him. We have both broken down plenty because of all this, we've cried during or straight after sex, we are currently still together trying to make things work. Also for background information I've been suffering from depression for 3years since i split from my ex, it feels like im slipping deeper into darkness and i can't find a way out, i cry daily, i have anxiety so badly that if i dont hear from him i overthink that he's out cheating on me. I'm currently going to court with my ex over him assaulting our son, and sexual assault towards me, i have no family support an little to no friends so all of that plays a big part in my depression. My bf he is also depressed now an says he hates himself for the way he's treated me and he wants to learn to love me better and to be more supportive of me. So heres my question........ How do i know if its to late to save our relationship, would you stay or leave??
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LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEEEEEAAAAAVVVVEEEEE!!! Before it’s too late. He is obviously manipulative and tells you what you want to hear to save his own ass. I put up with this same shit for a loooonngggg time. It started the same day I had our daughter. He really made me think I was going crazy then I found proof. In the end he ended up in jail for strangulation he put hands on me almost killed me and abandoned his 2 month old. It’s been almost 3 years since I left him. I found another man who loves me and my kids. I actually found trust in him when I thought I’d never trust a man again. My daughter thinks he’s daddy she doesn’t know her real dad. I just recently had another daughter with him and we plan to get married soon.
So from experience, get yourself and your kids FAR AWAY from him and never look back. Work on yourself don’t look for love and if it happens it’ll happen. That’s literally the BEST thing you could do in that situation. I wish someone would’ve told me the same thing back then.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can I save my relationship?

What relationship…:thinking::thinking::thinking::thinking:

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:woman_facepalming:t3: you know damn well what your only options are. Leave or keep getting played. He isn’t changing

What relationship. This man is fucking trash. Raise the fucking bar with the men in your life because yikes

Throw this man child away. If you can’t/don’t trust him, why be with him?

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I think you need to talk to a therapist about all of this. You have been through a lot and you need to clear your head before making major decisions either way. Take care of yourself x

Jesus worry about them kids not a bum ass man

Leave. He lies and cheats. You deserve better and so do your kids. They shouldn’t see their mom in such a mess.
Seek help for your depression and work on yourself

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I think you need therapy to get past all this. And I’d leave that tool! Worry about you and your children.

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Get out. It don’t get better

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Leave; he isn’t being faithful at all either

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You are a slam piece to him.

move on. you will be better off

If you have to have a stranger tell you if you should stay and work it out, then you absolutely shouldn’t waste your time.

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Follow what your gut is saying chick good luck

If there’s no trust. There’s no hope for the relationships future.
Your children deserve happy parents, even if it’s not with each other.

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Leave… Run don’t walk. He is Narcissistic, he won’t change his ways and you and the baby will be the one hurting all the time.

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Honey it’s time to go. He won’t change and if he does it will be because what was always his choice isn’t even an option now. Find a man who loves you and those babies and a whole. You deserve it

Run and don’t look back.

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Put those jogging shoes on and RUN!

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Is having things “good” worth the mistrust, lies and betrayal? Is it really worth it?

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Time to move on hunny

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Run and run fast! Be done move on. You don’t need that!! You’ll be better off!! Good luck mamma!!

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Move on. This relationship will never mature the way you want.

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Wow, you know how to pick um.

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There’s no saving that, this relationship is draining you ma, you need to leave .

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What’s the need for the laughing faces on this? This is someone’s actual life…

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I Agree you should leave him. But there is something you’re missing here. Would you want your child to grow up and be treated this way? You’re teaching your children that it’s ok

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Umm… I didnt even read it all. There is no trust, so you leave.

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Tell me that you’re in a toxic relationship without saying you’re in a toxic relationship…

With all do respect, it doesn’t seem like you have a relationship to save. You might be in a relationship, but it doesn’t seem like he thinks he’s in one. He may very well be the cause of you slipping further into depression. I think it’s time for you to end it.

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I think you already know…

Your in love with a part of him, not the whole of him. Read your letter again as an outsider and your gut will tell you what you should really do. Don’t ignore it.

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Life is too short to let yourself be this unhappy.

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why do some women think they cant live without a man so they put up with everything they dish out.why dont you try living with just our kids and do without a man for a while bet your depression will go away and your kids will be happier

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Run for the hills and dont look back, concentrate on you and your kids and build yourself back up. Forget having a partner and do you for a while.

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It was over before it started

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Your relationship has run it’s course. You already know that. It’s sad . But staying in the relationship would be devastating. Pick up the pieces and learn to love yourself again and direct positivity to your children who deserve and yearn for your love and attention.

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Leave the same thing happened with me and turned out the reason the phone was being shut off certain time and all that was because he was living with someone else

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You’re not going to leave until your ready, you’re not going to see the truth until your ready but leave??

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He’s manipulating you. You have 5 kids watching your every move. You need to show them that’s not how you act in relationships and let him go for yourself and for those kids. Who cares about his feelings- you need to focus on your own feelings and healing.

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You’re the only one in the relationship. He has never been in this relationship. Its a matter of convenience for him. :woman_shrugging:

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You deserve better. Take out the trash and take care of yourself and your babies. You don’t need anyone. You can do this. :pray:t2::heart:

Would you consider relationship counselling together maybe you both met when he wasn’t fully ready to settle down so it’s been a bit hard for him to adjust to the new life that he’s been thrown into also because of the previous messing about at the beginning it’s left you doubting him to be serious about your relationship making you not trust fully because of his actions he’s got himself to blame for that so it’s down to him to gain and build that trust again if you can no longer trust him the way you should in a relationship after all the work and input you both put in least you can both walk away and be able to say you tried to make it work but are better off as playing your role as parents instead

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Being dependent on him for your happiness only contributes to your depression.maybe tell him you need a break from him to work on you. Get a therapist to talk to or church pastor.if he really loves you and wants to be in your life he will give you space. A man who cheats on you though is that what you want?

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Leave you do t need or deserve the toxicity in your life for you or or children.

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Sounds just like my sons father Nathan.the.Narcissist.
For my mental health I’ve had to cut all ties with him.

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As shit as it is he’s no good for you. You need to learn to love yourself before anyone else and then you’ll see how much more you’re worth. This guy sounds like he’s taking the pure piss. Good luck in which ever way you go. But in all honesty I would personally get rid.

Your relationship is draining me and I’m not even in it

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If he has open honest conversations with you and you both actively work toward being better.
If he just gives Lip service, or you do, it won’t work.

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:woman_facepalming:t2: this man has never been faithful in his life. Either kick his :peach: out and move on or keep putting up with it so he can help you cook

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A chronic liar never changes and a cheater like him will never stop cheating.
Run like hell and don’t look back!

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This situation you are in is not a relationship it is an emotional prison. If he keeps lying and repeating the same behaviors then his tears and words are only meant to manipulate you, he is not sincere. Being good to the children and helping with his share of cleaning up and paying bills does not make him a good man, it just means he isn’t useless. Cut your losses and focus on yourself and children, you need to make yourself and your emotional health a priority, you cannot do that if you are worried about what he is doing

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Why did you ever even start a relationship with that mess, let alone continue it and bring an 5 innocent children into it. A whole MESS!! It was NEVER a real relationship to him to begin with and it won’t be going forward either, time to go!

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You better don’t save that relationship. Run away. He sounds like a narcissist and he is taking advantage of your depression and it’s going to destroy you if you don’t run away from him. Been in that situation, and the best you can do is to get away from that person . You will find better, I promise you that . Do it for yourself and your children. There’s much better out there. I promise you that.

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Sounds like you deserve so much better then a man who don’t and won’t have respect and love for you, a real man puts you first and doesn’t hurt you, embarrass you and disrespect you. :two_hearts:

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Go to counseling. You will find ur answer there

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Girl, if I’m crying during sex with my husband, it’s time to leave.
Your relationships sounds so exhausting. I think it’s time to leave, he will NEVER be honest with you about cheating and if he cares, he could at least admit it but if he TRULY loved you, he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place

dogs dont change thier spots!!! move on for you n the kids

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This dude make my Ex Husband sound like a SAINT. No way in HELL would I stay one more sitting through that Shit Show!

LEAVE!! Like seriously I understand your asking for advice but you already know there is nothing to save and your babies see this happening and they will grow up thinking this is how love is suppose to be please for the love of your babies LEAVE!!!

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If anyone has to question their relationship or marriage then it’s over,. You know what he does — the real question is can you live a life with that person

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His depression seems to be a manipulation tactic. It’s not a matter learning, but of being. I would say walk away and never look back. Focus on yourself and the kids.

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No question I’d be out of there !!!

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Leave…they don’t change…you can do better, u deserve it

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Geez the women on here are pathetic and just plain sad. Stop being a doormat and more importantly a baby making machine with no commitment. Before having kids, you need to learn how to not only like yourself, but actually be able to take care of yourself. …

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he is abusing you. Trust me i left an abusive guy and have never looked back. take your kids and get somewhere safe. do not go back to him. please get yourself somewhere safe

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He’s trouble from the start. Let his sorry ass go! You and your children deserve better!

So sorry. If he will do it with you,he will do it to you. Time to walk away

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You need to RUN girl!!! Not walk, but run!! This relationship will drive you insane and will NEVER EVER get any better!!

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Two, losers in a row can make a woman depressed, and five kids, think about your children and what all of this has been doing to them, all of this drama and turmoil. They will carry that with them their entire lives. serial cheaters are sex addicts and won’t change without therapy period. You may also benefit from a support group, there are many of them and you can find one through CRISIS HOT LINEs, also get help for your depression. I hope this helps and I pray you do something positive for yourself and your children.

It doesn’t seem to be a very healthy relationship for you or the kids. He doesn’t respect you sorry to say.
I’m sure it’s hard with all the kids and the thought of bringing them up alone must be so daunting but you need someone all in not half assed.
Have you heard the saying " Let it go! If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was"
Think about that and don’t waste your life. It’s too precious :yellow_heart:

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Why would you have any interest in “saving” what you have? You’re being cheated on flat out.

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Why oh why would you have brought an innocent baby into such a dysfunctional situation?

If you really want to save the relationship you both need to get help for depression and some good counseling. But unless he wants the same things as you do there is no saving it, he has to want to be with you and not just doing the right thing for his child which is what I think he is doing. If he is only worth you because he it’s trying to do right by taking care of his baby it will never work out and he will just get more and more depressed. You should ask him does he really want a relationship with you or is he just trying to be a good dad. He can be a good dad and not be with you, tech you both might make better friends and co-parents than a couple.

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Slept on her couch :rofl:. We all know better and so do you !

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That’s for you too deside , but realize he’s not going to change

I don’t think he ever really wanted a relationship so no I don’t think there is anything for you to save.

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I think you know just as well as I do by what your saying that he’s not being faithful and coming up with bull shit ass excuse and lies to try to cover it get out of that relationship if he cheated on you before it won’t stop coming from past experience with this it’s exactly how my relationship with my ex husband was he even had the audacity to cheat while he was in jail talking to a lot of other women and them putting money on his books so they could talk to each other this won’t end well and it’s better to get out while you can rather them go through all this drama

You should seek out a good therapist. You yourself are not an emotionally healthy adult, and until you are, you can’t have a healthy relationship. A healthy person would have no need to ask the questions you are asking. The answers are pathetically obvious.

Couples counseling and individual counseling… you both have issues you need to work on alone and together you have children involved and they need to come first and not see all this craziness and think it is normal

This is a pattern trust your gut and get out now

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Girl, get self love. He’s awful. Run.

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This guy sounds like a manipulative douche bag.

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You know already, sad :cry: but true leave make a plan. Don’t threaten just make a plan and get out

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Therapy and lots of it is what I suggest to you and yours.

I’m not about to read all of this. If you don’t know by now that you’re in a TOXIC relationship, I don’t know what to tell you.:woman_shrugging:t4: I mean there were red flags :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: before you got pregnant by him which you obviously ignored. You really need to work on your self esteem. I get it. It can be hard finding a GOOD man when you have a lot of kids but it is still possible. Don’t settle for any raggedy a** man just so you won’t be single.

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Didn’t even get halfway through that mess! Girl :running_woman::running_woman:

You need to get pregnant by a real ugly old man that lives in a cardboard box and will never have anything. This will make your man look good and the two of you will be happy

Please read what you wrote. How would you ever want to save any contact with this guy? He sounds like he’s playing a lot of head games with you.

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You and him both need therapy…separately

Leave & don’t look back!!! He ain’t worth your tears. He’s going to eventually bring home a nasty disease !!! Run!!!

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Leave. Set new higher goals

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He is only telling you what you want to hear. He is not going to quit cheating that’s just apart of him… he will tell you anything and everything to stay but deep down I believe you already know what you need and have to do sister… good luck and do you and them babies sis

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Please do yourself a big favor and the child, leave. Have you ever thought for a moment he may be the biggest cause or contributor to your depression. Regardless of whether your child is a male or female, neither of your two behaviors is a good role model for this child. Think beyond yourself. Free yourself and the child from this much dysfunction, like now!!! The worlds already a tough place to survive, protect the child.

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He is not a good man if he’s doing all this to you. Good people do bad things sometimes, and bad people do good things sometimes. He’s obviously an emotionally unavailable person, and you should stop wasting your precious time.

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Heal yourself FIRST!

Sorry, but there’s no relationship to save. Never was and likely never will be. He’s using you and manipulating you. He’s depressed but not depressed enough to not go and cheat, knowing he’s hurting you with all the lies and sneaky behavior.

Listen, just because he’s helping out with some normal chores and tasks does not make him a “good” man or person. It means he’s simply capable and functional enough to do the bare minimal because he set the bar low from the beginning, and you have continuously lowered the bar and have allowed the bar to be continuously lowered more and more as time has gone on.

Dear love, you’re depressed because you know you and your children deserve so much better than this. Just think if you poured all this love into yourself and your children how much happier you could and would be. Imagine if someone came along who was willing to give you as much love as you’re giving to someone who clearly doesn’t want your love.

It’s time for you to go or send him packing, because at this point you’re assisting him in breaking your own heart. Time to cut your losses, get some therapy to help yourself heal. It’s time to focus on loving yourself and loving your children more than begging for someone who’s barely passing the mustard on being able to perform a couple of adult tasks. You can’t trust him because he’s given you no reason to trust him. And if there’s no trust there’s definitely no relationship.
Ask yourself why you allow him to continue treating you this way, lying to you, sneaking around, etc… Ask yourself why you don’t feel you’re worth more and deserve better than this? Ask yourself if this is how you want to spend your good years. Ask yourself how you’d feel if you had someone who wouldn’t do any of this, but would instead treat you like a queen and only have eyes and love and time for you and your children. Ask yourself which one of those relationships you’d truly want.

If you’re worried about money and managing things, just know that there’s plenty of single moms with multiple kids rocking and kicking azz every single day without a man’s support or help with anything, even financially, and they survive just fine. If that’s the case, you start working on getting a job or a better job, go back to school if you need to be able to make that happen, punch up your resume, get yourself in therapy, and start looking for affordable places for you and the kids. Get and take public assistance if you need to, make sure he pays child support too, etc., but you can and are perfectly capable enough to do this on your own and not just survive but thrive.

You also don’t have to stay with someone just because you had sex with or created a child with them, and you’re not failing your children if you leave him either if that’s something you’re worried about. If anything you’re teaching your kids what not to tolerate or accept from toxic people who don’t mean them well or any good. You are their first teacher, so show them what you’d like them to do if it was any of them. :heart: