Best policy is honesty…
No end it and find someone without kids
I guess I’m the odd man out here. As a Bio mom AND a SM I feel as though this can be done. And while yes he is a “package” deal his kids also have two involved parents so why should she have to step up? They don’t live with him full time and they are truthfully not her responsibility. She can love them, have fun them with them and all that without stepping into a parental role.
5 Likes
You “did your time” raising kids. I’m sure that would feel great for your kids to hear. Like kids are your punishment for something. 
2 Likes
Those kids deserve more, move on
3 Likes
Leave. That man deserves someone that will not see his kids as baggage. You just need someone with no kids or kids the same age as yours to have that freedom of not taking on the responsibility of helping raise someone elses children. If you can’t accept his children you need to stop wasting his time.
4 Likes
Just leave. Because if you can’t accept his kids then you shouldn’t be with him.
5 Likes
Nope that doesn’t work in the end ,be with someone with no kids.
3 Likes
girl, his kids will always be around and in his life and if they are young still like you say , they could possibly want you to fill that role eventually if you stick around longer, so if you really dont wanna be around kids anymore or be a mom again then i’d suggest leave like everyone else. its not like you can ask him to just drop his kids for just you.
1 Like
Do the gentleman and father a favour and break it off. He deserves someone who loves and wants to be a part of his children’s lives just as much as he wants to.
6 Likes
Really 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷 no words for this at all…
If something were to happen to their mom, where do you think they would be full time? If you don’t want to help parent his children, you shouldn’t be with him. Let him go so he can find the right person for his family.
2 Likes
You should leave. Honestly I get your point but that’s so selfish of you. Kids are a package deal and when you are with someone and want to be with someone sorry you take on that roll. You can’t make his children think you dont want anything to do with them. Find a single man that has no kids if that’s what you want.
2 Likes
Do that man a favor and leave him alone now.
1 Like
No he is a package deal.
1 Like
You didn’t “do your time”…you don’t get to stop being a parent just cause your kids are 18…leave this man alone so he can find a partner who loves him and his children.
7 Likes
So my dad has been married for over 12 years to my step mom, her daughter is 10 years older than me. She was still there for me and still helped my dad with me where he needed. She knew my dad and I are a package deal, she couldn’t have him without having me too. She was there when I got my 1st ever period. She came to the hospital when my kids were born. She’s been a 2nd mom to me and my kids adore her. If you’re dating a man(or woman) with kids the kids come with them. If you can’t deal with that don’t be with that person.
3 Likes
Wow!!! Then why get with a man who has kids when you “have done your time” just why? Do you like setting yourself up for failure? Think about if the roles were flipped and he didn’t want your young kids because “he did his time”. That’s heartbreaking. Get over yourself. Selfish!
2 Likes
Package deal all in or all out. That is from a SF. Just like if they were your young kids .
2 Likes
Are these even real people with real problems or is the world really becoming this dumb.
3 Likes
You sound like my narcissistically abusive mother. Being a Parent is a lifelong commitment not just until you don’t have to so you can start to enjoy your life. It’s not your children’s fault for taking away your free fun life you want. And it’s rude as hell to get into a relationship with someone who has younger children when you yourself made up your mind you were done with kids. Doesn’t sound healthy at all. And I’ve suffered nearly 3 decades of my mother’s narcissistically abusive rages. She said the exact same words.
If you feel this way and it’s your right to, do him and his children a favor a leave. The kids were here before you and they will be here after you. If you stay and play these out of sight out of mind games that can lead to anger and resentment for everyone. Those children are a package deal, I assume just like yours was for you. Leave and allow that man to find a woman that loves him and his children. If your not feeling it, please for the Love of God, don’t force it. And PS, kids can smell bs a mile away, and they can feel when they are not loved or felt that they are being tolerated. Leave now and find someone with no kids or older kids which you prefer. But move on and stop pretending. Your causing your own self unnecessary agony and anxiety.
3 Likes
Nope…if you’re not willing to accept those kids as yours…leave him alone
6 Likes
Kids are always part of the package. When looking for a partner you should have looked for one with no kids, or older kids. I can’t imagine dating someone and not wanting to interact with their children and expecting them not to either.
2 Likes
Nope you did your time sounds like you didn’t want to be a mom for your own leave him be
1 Like
Let the man go so he can find a good woman.
8 Likes
You claim you love him but don’t want to be a parent to his kids?
It’s a packaged deal so if you can’t accept them and help raise them than you have no business being with that man. Let him go so he can find someone who actually will. You sound very selfish and cold so if I were him I wouldn’t want you around my kids anyway:clap:t3:
2 Likes
Parenting doesn’t stop after 18 years , wow , !!!
Leave the man so he can find true love for himself and his kids ,
4 Likes
that is why I never dated any guy who had younger kids once my kids became of age, I don’t know what to tell you, These are his kids, It sounds like he is a good dad, & you shouldn’t expect anything else, You knew this when you first started seeing each other, but you continued. Either you deal with this or you let him go & let him find someone who has no problem being a ‘step mother’
Now put yourself in his shoes … youre a young single mom dating an older man whos kids are all grown… how would you feel if he approached you this way? …. … …
2 Likes
‘Every other weekend’ and ‘every other week in the summer’. So you don’t have them for a full week and then not for two full weeks (and they’re just there for the weekend) and a a few weeks (every other week) in the summer. And you’re complaining?! Poor man and his kids. You knew he had them at the start. It’s not that much time they get to spend with their father.
You are being unreasonable, unkind, selfish, self interested and ridiculous.
Leave him - and them - to find someone else worthy of understanding and compassion. That is clearly not you.
3 Likes
Do the right thing and leave. He deserves someone that will accept and love his children .
8 Likes
You do sound like the biggest jersey. Those kids deserve better
It’s good you noticed this now so you can leave now and break less hearts
You have the right to feel this way but it just seems messed up
Leave the man alone let him find someone nice and unselfish
1 Like
I feel like having a conversation with him and expressing your concerns is where to start. Tell him your stance on it and see if he is ok it’s you not taking on that role.
4 Likes
Lady… just do the cougar lifestyle no strings attached … if i wver fo single as this age its straight cautious “cougar college” sex man … live, laugh, travel and some great no strings attached sex… that way no one gets hurt especially you…
god knows i understand where u are coming from and i personally dont think its selfish…
I 100% feel you, and agree, I don’t want to be a step mom either for the same reason so I would never date someone with kids. I think it would be a really stressful situation if you stayed with him but distance yourself from hisbkids.
2 Likes
If you don’t want to raise step kids then why are you with a man who has kids? 
11 Likes
Now you know if the shoe was on the other foot you would not have any man around claiming not to want to be bothered with your kids. You’re a big red flag. Let this man go so he can find him a step mom. You know how this works. They’re a package deal. Let him go and move around you not wrong for not wanting to be a step mom. Shoot I wouldn’t either. Break free and run girl
8 Likes
They’re a package deal, as I’m sure you and your kids are.
You don’t stop parenting when they turn 18. They just need a different kind of parenting.
You either suck it up and be a step mum to those kids, or let them all go and you both move on🤷🏼♀️
It is not selfish to not want to raise children, it’s ok that you’re ready to be over with small kids. But being with a man who has small children and not wanting to be a part of it is not ok.
12 Likes
Let me ask you a question- because I see two things here.
If his kids weren’t out of control would you feel differently?
If not, I’d suggest moving on and doing all that traveling.
1 Like
You need to leave him alone let him find someone who wants him and his kiddos. If you stay and still expect him to choose you over his kids, you’re selfish and I hope he Dumps you
2 Likes
You knew he had kids when you started dating him.if you want him you need to accept the whole package and for the love of God be good to those kids and don’t mistreat them
3 Likes
Leave him. Not fair to kids.
5 Likes
I think you should look for someone else that either has no kids and no desire or someone who’s kids are already grown and independent.
5 Likes
I don’t think dating someone automatically means you must date their children. Just have a conversation with him.
2 Likes
Not fair to his kids. Why be with someone who has kids if you’re feeling like this?
4 Likes
Leave that man alone lol
4 Likes
That man and those kids deserve someone that will be a part of their family and never question the love that is freely given.
You deserve to be able to live the life you want.
Your statement says to me that this is not the correct relationship for you or for them.
11 Likes
You need to leave this man and his kids alone. You dont get with someone who has kids if you cant stand by them and love them like ur own. Honestly if 18 years of being a “mom” didnt teach you that nothing will.
3 Likes
When u date a person with kids thats what u sign up for
2 Likes
If you knew he had young kids, why did you pick him ? Do you want him to just ignore his children?
1 Like
If the roles were reversed when your kids were young, would you have stayed with someone who spoke of your child like a burden?
5 Likes
Then u shouldn’t have gotten with him.
1 Like
I don’t think you could be in a relationship without it affecting you one way or another.And if they are still young and you have many years ahead of you. If they are out of control, and he is not setting them straight, you are going to be out of your mind!
1 Like
Honestly if you dont want to raise anymore children i think you need to leave this relationship alone. I DO not feel you are being selfish at all.
1 Like
Move on and find what you need and what suits your situation. It’s not fair to tell someone that you want nothing to do with his children… they are a package deal. Let him have someone who is all in and go find what you’re wanting 
2 Likes
I don’t want to come off as rude by no means. Shouldn’t you have thought about this prior to dating him? A good man that has children puts his children first & his mate should understand this and be proud to be in his life and love those children as she loves him! He has responsibilities to those children and you should support that. If you aren’t able to now you never will be. His children should not have been a surprise I have kids. You should have known prior to going out & becoming his girlfriend.
Break up. You can not date a person and not their children.
3 Likes
You knew what you signed up for when you got with him. If you didn’t want the responsibility of more kids then you shouldn’t have strung him on this long
6 Likes
I don’t think boundary is the right word to use in this instance.
Is this headed for a long term relationship? Is it a fling? You need to define what it is with your partner and then set the conditions around that. Be fair to you, but also be fair to him and his kids.
My friend- you took him as he took you - complete package. Those children are a part of him - don’t be selfish and expect him to choose-
5 Likes
You sound like my mom,” I did 18 years, I’m done” then be done don’t expect him to choose you over his kids
7 Likes
No. There is no way to be in this man’s life without being in his children’s lives. And if he says sure let’s try it, he’s a shitty dad. Those kids are his priority, it’s 100% ok if you don’t share that feeling, but then let him go. Honestly, you need to go chase your bliss. Not wanting to help raise someone’s kids it’s totally fair and valid, but you have to go.
Ew. Everything about your question is just cringe.
2 Likes
Yall so entitled. Women dont have to raise kids just cause a man has them lmao. I would tell him upfront that I raised my kids and I don’t plan on raising his. They have a mom💁♂️ If he wants to leave then fine.
5 Likes
If your with him, your also with his kids. I don’t think there is a happy medium. It’s all or nothing
2 Likes
If the role was reversed you would tell him to hit the road if he didn’t want your children. I think you owe this man the decency of letting him find someone who will love him as well as his children. You may hurt for a while, but it’s better for everyone else involved. Good luck x
4 Likes
Wow girl, wow! That will break his heart knowing his children won’t be loved…umm, no. Wow!
2 Likes
Don’t get involved with somebody with kids if you don’t want the package deal
2 Likes
Why do you feel that you have to take on a step parent role in these children’s lives? Did someone ask you to? Are you married? Are they your responsibility? If they have 2 healthy parents in their life, and nobody is asking you to take on that role, just be clear about your intentions with dad and he can make his choices moving forward with that knowledge. There’s no reason why you can’t be daddy’s good friend or girlfriend and just be good to them. You can still be a team with him without taking on all of his responsibilities. Dating a man with kids does not automatically make you a step parent and people should stop feeling pressured to do so. If you plan on marrying this man, I would think again though .
3 Likes
Nope, it’s a whole package honey.
4 Likes
That’s exactly right daughter
I don’t think it’s fair to him. I’m guessing he has no idea you feel this way. Communication is key. Don’t string someone along just because you fear of hurting them. Single parents are a package deal with kids.
4 Likes
If you don’t want to be a step mom, break up with him.
He has children. They’re a package deal.
Do the right thing and let him go.
3 Likes
You need to walk away because you may think you love him… But that isn’t love they are apart of him.
The answer is pretty simple. Don’t date a man with younger kids if you don’t want the step mom role. You can’t have your cake & it too, missy. Let him be with someone who is gonna love his kids like their own & you go off & do your thing. Sheesh.
5 Likes
Nope walk away before you become the biggest ahole in those kids lives. He is a package deal. If you don’t like the package walk away.
2 Likes
Leave the man alone!
2 Likes
Yikes! I mean he has kids…its kind of a package deal. Imagine a man saying this to you when you were raising your children. Get a clue.
7 Likes
I personally don’t think it’s possible to set those kind of boundaries without coming across as a selfish. Had those boundaries been set in the beginning that would be different, maybe you didn’t feel as strong about it then as you do now, and there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling except your a year into it and everyone has feelings now. I have 3 kids the oldest 27 and the youngest 22 (twins) who I would give my life for, we are close, talk everyday, but like you have no desire to raise kids again. I like my freedom, I like not having the pressure of trying to come up with money because one of the 3 need something, not having to work 2 jobs because there was never enough! I don’t think that makes me selfish my kids all know I will help them with anything, I’m their mom till the very end, but it’s different when they are older and unless you have children that are older you wouldn’t understand. The guy definitely deserves to know the truth as hard as that maybe and regardless of how it may make you look through his eyes you owe him that. He’s not at the point in his life where his kids are raised, so he may or may not understand. I’m sure he sees that his kids act out but doesn’t want to spend what time he has with them bitching at them, and you probably focus on on it more because it’s not what you want. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you feel the way you do, but now that you know for sure you don’t want the responsibility if you choose not to say anything and let it continue, a couple of years down the road you don’t get to use the I gave up my dreams for you and your kids card. You’ve been honest with yourself be honest with him if you love him like you say and let him make his decisions based off how you feel, just don’t make him feel like he has to choose because that would be selfish. Good luck 
You need to move on. Those kids deserve better. If your dating a guy with kids they are a package deal.
1 Like
You should of never dated him knowing he has kids then it’s a package deal
I wish it worked like that sometimes😄 unfortunately in the real world it doesn’t. We’re a blended family of 6 for 5yrs and it aint for the weak, that’s for sure.
2 Likes
Wow, you’re kind of an asshole…leave him if you can’t love them.
If a man has younger kids and you don’t wanna help raise them, sounds like he’s not the one.
1 Like
Break up with him if you cant handle the step mom
Role every other weekend and ever other week during summer. Not even like he has them full time. His kids are a part of him if you cant accept them dont be with him.
I honestly don’t think your being selfish. but the problem is you can’t be in a relationship with someone where you can’t accept their children. If this isn’t what you want get out of the relationship. Just that simple… don’t drag it along… it’s already to long. Go do your own thing and let him do his with his kids. Just hope you don’t regret it in the years to come. Some day those kids will be older just like yours. It seems like the schedule you said with them is normal and not too bad…can’t you two do things on off wknds and during the time you don’t have the kids. You have to come to the realization the you will never be first. Kids always come first no matter what. If you can live and deal with all that then stay. If you can’t leave and find someone that suits your life style. But don’t drag this on. I honestly don’t be grudge you for feeling this way. But its a decision you have to make soon because it effects alot of people, not just you…
5 Likes
Leave the relationship. He deserves someone who wants to love his kids the way they need to be just as I assume you would have if you were in the situation with your kids being young.
Its not fair to him or the kids.
Either you want them all or you dont.
7 Likes
If you don’t want to be the step mom then don’t date someone with kids
5 Likes
If he was smart he would kick YOU to the curb!
3 Likes
You can’t have him and not the kids. Who in their right mind would ask this?!?!
8 Likes
Wowzers. I have 2 kids of my own and I met my husband at a daycare where his kids also went. He has 3 boys, I would have never started dating him if I had a issue with him having children. The biggest deal breaker for me is how my partner interacts with my children and that’s his too. You can’t knowingly start dating someone with children and have your mind set. The fact that you mentioned his kids are a bit wild sounds more so like you aren’t interested in his children because they aren’t well behaved. As a mother who already raised kids you should understand that all kids are a bit wild. Even if you aren’t comfortable taking on the step mom role if your relationship progresses that is what will be expected of you in the future so if you can’t have a good relationship with his kids than you won’t have a good relationship with him, let that man go.
4 Likes
Get a man with grown kids 
3 Likes
If you can’t love his kids and be a stepmom I think he’s not the one for you
4 Likes
certainly doesn’t sound like the relationship you should be in–if he knows you feel like this and is still staying in a relationship with you then he certainly isn’t very smart!
3 Likes
I won’t shame you for feeling that way, but you’re in the wrong relationship for sure.
3 Likes
Yea their his kids… kind of a package deal 
2 Likes
Just move on to someone with out kids
1 Like